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Homestuck/Characters/The Felt


A rival gang to the Midnight Crew, The Felt consists of Lord English and his followers, who are (mostly) green-skinned humanoid aliens following a billiards theme. They are introduced in the Midnight Crew Intermission of Homestuck, and almost all of them are also killed during it.

The following tropes apply to the entire group:

  • Amazing Technicolor Population: Almost all of The Felt are green.
  • Bad Guys Play Pool
  • Badass in a Nice Suit: Almost all of them wear suits and bowties.
  • Big Guy, Little Guy: Clover and Quarters, who can switch out at the flip of a coin.
  • Bow Ties Are Cool
  • Creator In-Joke: The Felt are actually from a game idea Andrew had worked on, but that also ultimately was deemed too difficult by sheer technical restraints. They appeared on a poster on Dave's wall before actually being introduced.
  • Dwindling Party: The Midnight Crew offs them one by one in the Intermission, with only three left by the end.
  • Gang of Hats: Literally. Except for Doc Scratch, each wears a pool-themed hat.
    • The two troll Ancestors who work for The Felt, the Handmaid and the Condesce also don't wear hats.
  • Harmless Villain: Most of The Felt are more mischievous than outright malicious.
  • Kill'Em All: Spades Slick's main objective. He succeeds, save for Lord English.
    • Technically, Clover and Cans also survived, as instead of killing them he ended up accidentally transporting himself into an alternate timeline where they were dead.
      • As of this page, Cans is officially dead. Clover's status is still unknown, however.
  • Mook: The fact that the two most productive and useful members of The Felt, Doc Scratch and the Handmaid, weren't introduced with The Felt and might well be considered separate characters says something about these guys, as does the fact that Crowbar served as their leader more or less while English was content to let Slick and the Crew go around and murder them.
  • Numerical Theme Naming: With the exception of Lord English and Doc Scratch (due to The Felt being based on pool balls), every member of The Felt has a name that relates to a number in some way. Also crosses over with Punny Name in most cases.
  • Reality Warper: Several of The Felt members have powers that don't necessarily affect time, but rather, aspects of reality, to a minor extent for example, Stitch's ability to repair wounds using effigies or Quarter's Summon Magic.
  • Self-Demonstrating Article / Insistent Terminology: There's an awful lot of lime green on this page
  • Summon Magic/Tag Team: Whenever they use one of Quarters' special quarters, they can switch places with another member of The Felt. However if it lands poorly, they die.
  • Sure Why Not: Certain aspects of Quarters and Matchsticks, like their heights and Quarters' use of a minigun are Ascended Fanon.
  • Theme Naming: In addition to the above, the organization's name continues the pool theme: green felt is what is usually used to carpet a pool table. Extends to Doc's home, and the green moon in general, representing the pool table itself.
    • Doesn't extend to the Handmaid or the Condesce however, unless they are considered some odd things, like the chalk or the rack. Word of God is the English is the cue stick.
  • Time Master: Most of The Felt members possess a time power of some kind. Some of them are more general magic abilities though (ie: Quarters or Clover), or straight Reality Warping.
  • Timey-Wimey Ball
  • Villain Teleportation: Snowman, Matchsticks, and Sawbuck to an extent. Snowman can go wherever but not back in time, but she displays awareness of branched timelines somehow anyways. Matchsticks can only teleport via fire, but can travel in time, and Sawbuck has no control over his jumps which are also always through time and space.

Itchy

Doze

  • Color-Coded Timestop: A blue clock face appears around him
  • Butt Monkey: Every one of his appearances involves him being captured, tied up, chased after and finally, blown up. Even Spades is a little frustrated at how often he gets caught by the Midnight Crew.
  • Perpetual Frowner: Quite a few members of The Felt, actually, but it's particularly obvious with him.
  • Punny Name: "Dos", Spanish for 2.
  • What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?: Doze's power is that he can slow himself down. Granted, this makes it pretty bloody useless to try to interrogate him, because it takes him a long time to register pain, and anything he does say is so horribly distorted by slowdown as to be unintelligible.

Trace

  • Everything's Even Worse with Sharks: Has shark teeth, and follows blood-coloured trails like one.
  • Punny Name: "Tres", Spanish for 3. His time power is tracing where people were in the past.
  • Stealth Pun: Both he and Fin resemble sharks and are part of a billiards-themed gang. They're pool sharks.
  • Time Master:His power is the ability to track people's Past Trails through the past, and sucker punch them from the future. Unfortunately for him, this means that the people he punches know where he's going to be in the future.

Clover

  • Anti-Villain: "Highly cooperative" according to Slick, Clover has no qualms about helping the Midnight Crew if they solve his time riddles.
  • Born Lucky: "You think you can shoot Clover? He is so lucky the gun will probably jam or something predictable like that."
  • Four Is Death: This will happen to him if he flips his own number on his summoning coin. Fortunately for him, this will never happen.
    • In another sense, if he appears and flips that coin to summon Quarters, then this trope is played very straight. Just ask Spades Slick.
  • Guns Are Worthless: See the quote above: the narrator outright dismisses the possibility that guns could harm Clover. True to the trope's form, a less complex and sophisticated weapon -- a rolled-up newspaper -- is shown to be effective against Clover, on the reasoning that there are fewer factors that could chance to interfere with the attack, or possibly because getting hit with a newspaper isn't really that unpleasant. "It's kind of a gray area."
  • The Kid with the Remote Control: Diminutive, Sprightly Fellow with the Summoning Coin of a Big Man with a Minigun.
  • Meaningful Name: Is Number 4 (as in four leaf clover), is the symbol of good luck within the ranks of The Felt and is also green.
  • Logical Weakness: Despite his stated immunity to grievous harm, he can still be pummeled to help with less lethal instruments, such as a rolled-up newspaper.

"You don't have to be all that unlucky to get whacked around with a newspaper. It's sort of a gray area. "

  • No Mouth
  • Punny Name: As in four leaf clover.
  • Shorter Means Smarter
  • Summon Magic/Tag Team: Can disappear and summon Quarters by flipping his coin.
  • The Smart Guy
  • Unexplained Recovery: Clover technically "died" when Jack Noir transitioned into a timeline where he was already dead. Despite this he later appears unharmed in Doc Scratch's house on the moon, where he promptly switches places with Quarters. Even after the universe ends, it's hinted that he's still alive.

Fin

  • Everything's Even Worse with Sharks: He's got shark teeth. That seems to be part of the reason he's called Fin.
  • Punny Name: Slang term for five dollar bills. He can also travel to the end of your timeline.
  • Shout-Out: He and Trace's abilities were inspired by Donnie Darko.
  • Stealth Pun: Both he and Trace resemble sharks and are part of a billiards-themed gang. They're pool sharks.
  • Time Master: His temporal power is the ability to see people's Future Trails, and the ability to attack them from the past. Unfortunately for him, doing this leaves evidence in the future that allows people to track and attack him.

Die

  • All the Myriad Ways: Die can use a weird voodoo doll type thing to teleport to an alternate timeline where certain people are either dead or alive, and everything that results from their death/not-death.
  • Hoist by His Own Petard: Having been cheated out of cards by Itchy, Die uses his doll to teleport to the timeline where Itchy dies, as he always does out of spite whenever a Felt ticks him off. This ends up causing his own death by Spades Slick.
  • Punny Name: As in a 6-sided die.
    • Also, when Spades Slick helped him to "live up to his name."
  • Slashed Throat

Crowbar

  • Anti-Magic: His crowbar has the power to destroy and revert any Time-manipulation ability.
  • Badass Normal: He is one of two members of The Felt to not have any ability. He's also more or less the only thing keeping them competent, as English is content to watch them from the shadows.
  • Back from the Dead: Spades revives him in the current timeline by bringing him back in his War Chest. And kills him again shortly later.
  • Crowbar Combatant
  • Diabolical Mastermind: According to Slick, he was basically the only person keeping The Felt anywhere near competent.
  • Expy: Badass Normal with a crowbar that destroys just about anything, nothing to see here.
  • Posthumous Character: Well, mostly. His crowbar for one keeps showing up long after his death.
  • Punny Name: A crowbar is shaped similarly to the number 7.
  • They Call Him "Sword": His name matches his weapon, a crowbar.

Snowman/Banished Quasiroyal

  • Apocalypse Maiden: Killing Snowman ends the universe - because the universe is her heart. Ending the universe also summons Lord English. When Spades Slick is finally fed up enough to do her in, the resulting death of her universe also assists in the creation of the Green Sun.
  • Blue Blood: In both senses of the word.
  • Combat Stilettos
  • Face Framed in Shadow: She's shaded in the same way as the Midnight Crew, but with green highlights instead of white.
  • Femme Fatale
  • For the Evulz: Enjoys tormenting Slick and does so frequently.
    • Flat Character: It's actually all she ever does even. All of her appearances in the story are directly tied to Slick and their Foe Yay.
  • Good Smoking, Evil Smoking: What kind of Femme Fatale would she be without a cigarette holder?
  • Instant Death Bullet: What finishes off Snowman once and for all.
  • Load-Bearing Boss: In a sense, the biggest one ever. Killing her ends the universe, just as pocketing an 8 ball ends a game of pool.
    • It's later revealed that the Troll universe is her heart.
  • Meaningful Rename: Originally Black Queen, then Banished Quasiroyal after her Exile, before finally become Snowman after joining the Felt.
  • Mix-and-Match Critters: As the trolls' Black Queen, even worse than in the kids' session.

"She would be braced for the heavy load of augmentation ahead. She could certainly withstand the eight eyes of an arachnid. The fairy wings might at worst be frivolous, and the great bull horns could even be regarded as striking additions. For that matter, the sultry lips of a mother grub might very plausibly suit her. She perhaps would wear a brave face even behind a dignified mustache, and the centauring of her lower torso could transpire without much complaint. She would dutifully indulge a lactating udder. And when all was said and done, doubling her head count would surely be insult to elevenfold injury, but nothing she hadn't essentially endured already, all in the name of her kingdom."

  • Non-Standard Character Design: Quite unlike The Felt, she has black skin with green highlights. Given that she's the former Black Queen, it's to be expected.
  • Not Afraid to Die: "What are you waiting for? Draw, Spades."
  • Preemptive Declaration: "Hold still, Slick. Something in your eye."
  • Punny Name: A snowman's shape resembles an 8. Also, she's no man. Also, "snowmen" is poker slang for a pair of 8s.
    • And she has quite the hourglass figure. Though some may say it's more of a figure eight.
    • Not to mention the 'o' in her name isn't colored, meaning it's a black circle (or ball) surrounded by green.
  • Slap Slap Kiss: With Spades Slick. It's more like Dismember, Maim and Kiss, but you get the idea.
  • The Smurfette Principle: The only female member of The Felt, and the Midnight Crew Intermission story as a whole. The Handmaid and Condesce are also female but they're more unofficial members of the Felt.
  • Star-Spangled Spandex: Occasionally.
  • Sure Why Not: This trope is the reason she's female, according to word of Hussie. [dead link]
  • Revolvers Are Just Better
  • Villain Teleportation: Perhaps one of the best examples.
  • Whip It Good: Uses one. With some help from her revolver, she's able to pull Spades' arm clean off.

Stitch

  • Good Scars, Evil Scars: A long, stitched up one right along his face.
  • Healing... Voodoo?: The main use for his ability as described below. He can do the classic reverse, though.
  • The Medic: Or rather, The Tailor. His primary job is to make sure Lord English's CAIRO OVERCOAT is in good condition. He can also create effigies of people using their spare hats, thus providing medical aid by proxy of sewing their effigy back together.
  • Punny Name: "A Stitch in time saves Nine". Also said to be good at repairing things, or "stitching them back together."

Sawbuck

  • Butt Monkey
  • Fat Bastard
  • Iron Butt Monkey: He takes an extraordinary amount of abuse from Spades Slick. It's indicated that his corpulence prevented him from being killed by the attacks.
  • Kevlard: See above.
  • Punny Name: A slang term for 10 dollar bills.
  • Rasputinian Death: Stabbed twice, slashed, stuffed in a WRATHTUB, followed by a WAR CHEST, shot several times, stabbed twice more, unstabbed, and finally decapitated.
  • Stout Strength: Even the largest of blades leaves Only a Flesh Wound.
  • What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?: Sawbuck's time power is the ability to randomly teleport himself (and those surrounding him) to a random point in the timeline. Given that it's entirely unpredictable, only activates when he gets hurt, and takes whoever hurt him along for the ride, its pretty much useless.

Matchsticks

  • All There in the Manual: Matchstick's power, revealed by Hussie's formspring: he can use fires as a gateway to different points in time.
  • Chekhov's Gunman: Appeared in all of a single panel during the intermission before showing up in Doc Scratch's mansion over a year and a half later.
  • Emergency Services: Doc Scratch calls him in to extinguish the fire Spades Slick started in the mansion, suggesting Matchsticks may be The Felt's specialist in such work.
  • Me's a Crowd: This will happen if he doesn't put the flames he travels through out.
  • Posthumous Character: During the intermission, at least. He's since been glimpsed, apparently alive and well, in Doc Scratch's mansion. However, whether he's Back from the Dead, was Not Quite Dead in the first place, summoned from the past in a Stable Time Loop, or is a doppelganger from an alternate timeline summoned into this one, has yet to be explained or may not be at all.
  • Punny Name: A pair of matchsticks resembles the number 11.
  • We Hardly Knew Ye: Died about 3 seconds after finally making an appearance.

Eggs

Biscuits

  • Dumb Muscle: Spades describes him and Eggs as dangerous morons. Biscuits also thinks setting his oven timer and jumping out of the oven when it buzzes counts as time traveling into the future.
    • If you want to get technical, he's not incorrect.
  • Me's a Crowd: When he teams up with Eggs.
  • Punny Name: A "baker's dozen" is 13.
  • Shout-Out: Fans have noticed that when he combines his oven "power" with Eggs's power to travel into the past, it acts a lot like the time-travel method used in Primer. Box-shaped "time travel" device included.
  • What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?: Biscuit's "time power" is essentially to hide in a broken oven until the timer buzzes. Crowbar's namesake isn't even able to affect the oven because there's no "time powers" to affect.

Quarters

  • All There in the Manual: Andrew Hussie revealed the extent of his powers on his formspring.
  • Chekhov's Gunman: Literally! Merely hinted at in the Intermission, Quarters finally makes his first appearance years later. And the first thing he does? Turn Spades Slick to Swiss cheese with a gatling gun.
  • Gatling Good: Carries around a minigun which he uses to kill Spades Slick.
  • Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: By Snowman, of all people.
  • Meaningful Name: He is summoned by flipping a special quarter. He also tags out in-story with one Clover, who is number four.
  • Posthumous Character: Within the scope of the intermission, though he shows up later. Mind, we only have Slick's word that he definitively killed Quarters before the intermission began.
  • Punny Name: "Quatorze", French for 14.
    • Alternatively, 1/4
  • Summon Magic/Tag Team: Provides each Felt member with a quarter with their number and the number of another Felt member on each side that they can flip when they're in trouble. If it lands on their number, they die. If it lands on the other Felt's number, they swap places with each other. He gives Clover the coin with his (Quarters') number on it, because Clover's luck is so good the coin would never land on his number. It is "considered unwise" to let Snowman to handle her own coin - both sides are eights.

Cans

It sounds suspiciously like <span style=" color:

  1. 2ED73A;">Cans is about to plow through the wall Kool-Aid Man style. You pray to God that it is not <span style=" color:
  2. 2ED73A;">Cans about to plow through the wall Kool-Aid Man style.



All of a sudden <span style=" color:

  1. 2ED73A;">Cans plows through the wall Kool-Aid Man style.



> [I] DD: Resist urge to shout "Oh Yeah!"


Oh No!

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