< Cerberus Daily News

Cerberus Daily News/Funny


Zoftan: Noneuclidean sandwich tassels: Oh. Oh wow. What just happened.

  • Zoftan stares at a plate of hot wings*

Zoftan: Delicious gladiator souffle: It's so pretty.

Commander Shepard, a human so depraved and uncivilised that they do not even possess a first name or determinate gender.

You know that point where all you want is to retire in peace and just kinda disappear into the ether and watch the holo for the decade or so you have left, and then somebody calls you up and says “Abattoir, do you know how to blow up a planet” or “Abattoir, there’s a dragon from outer space in the Horse Head nebula and why are you laughing, I haven’t even finished the sentence yet”, or “Abattoir, I’m going to have to cancel poker night because there’s an army of husked batarians clogging the street”
And you assume that last one is an excuse, but then you go out for your first run of the day and there’s fucking warfare in the alleys and a fucking Sovereign is perched on top of the only convenience store in Uptown that serves halfway-decent cappucino
Fuck, WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN
ALL I WANTED WAS MY MORNING COFFEE

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