< Two Best Friends Play

Two Best Friends Play/Funny


Silent Hill: Shattered Memories

  • Pat telling Matt to just look at the doctor while Matt's eyesight in the game wanders to a another area.

Pat: STOP STARING AT HIS DONG!

  • Matt's nonchalance toward Cheryl's disappearance.

Pat: You'd be upset if you lost your kids!
Matt: I guess...like, if I find her, is it the end of the g- like...
Pat: What, you wan- you want POINTS for finding your children?
Matt: ...Yeah, like *gems*, or something...
Pat: What is-what the fuck is wrong with you?

  • Matt taking way too long with the coloring, causing Pat to go mad with anger.


Donkey Kong Country Returns

  • "AMERICA!"
  • Their near-simultaneous reaction to encountering the game's first Tiki Torch.

Matt: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Pat: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!

  • The ending where Matt is just too shocked to say anything while Pat angrily asks him what he just did.

Matt: Jump the shark! Jump the shark!
Pat: NO, I DON'T WANT TO! (He glides over) Aaaaaw, I jumped it!

Vampire Rain

  • Upon playing the game, Pat comes to a realization:

Pat: This game is stupid. And you're stupid for making me play it. And now I'm stupid.
Matt: Well you didn't really need help with that in the first-
Pat: Oh that's real-

  • The "flying garbage bag" that shows up out of nowhere, causing both Matt and Pat to yell out simultaneously "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!"
  • Matt tries to offer moral support:

Pat: No, I don't need moral support! I need to stop playing fuckin' Vampire Rain!

  • The video ends on this note:

Matt: So would you want to chip in to help me buy the full version--?
Pat: NOOOO

Dead Rising 2

  • Matt's priorities are not in proper order:

Pat: Okay, dude, you can totally, like, wear outfits.
Matt: Like... like a skater outfit.
Pat: Yes, like a skater outfit.
Cut to Chuck wearing cut offs, Groucho Marx glasses, and a stocking cap while riding a pink bicycle.
Pat: What're you doing?
Matt: It's... you said I could do anything.
Pat: Yeah, but... Jesus Christ. This isn't gonna save Katie.
Matt: Really, are you sure? I think this is saving Katie. Now, see, this is...
Pat: What is wrong with you?!

  • Near the end where Matt has chuck wearing a white sunddress and fighting off a tiger with a purse.

Pat: Why do you keep wearing ladies' clothing? Why are you always wearing ladies' clothing?

  • Matt completely misses the point of Pat's anger at how Matt screwed up the tutorial, citing that "at least I was wearing some sweet cutoffs".

Kane And Lynch: Dog Days

  • Matt deciding he wants to spin Lynch around in circles to create a dance party and Pat following him reluctantly.

Pat: (cynically) This is the worst dance party ever...

  • Matt and Patt sitting in complete silence while Kane and Lynch run down an alley completely naked and covered in blood until Matt finally chimes in:

Matt: Wait a minute... wait...hold on a second...
Pat: Why, what's the problem?
Matt: ...why do YOU have the shotgun?

Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood

  • Pat comes to the conclusion that Ubisoft games are all about murder, citing Imagine Babiez as an example.
  • Pat tricks Matt into climbing Castel Sant'angelo (the highest point in the game) and then letting go of his parachute at the worst possible time just for kicks.
    • * While Matt is reaching the top of Castel Sant'angelo, Pat makes this humorous comment.

Pat: I didn't think you had it in you... What with you being an incompetent sack of shit."

  • Matt causes a giant mob fight in front of him, causing Pat to look on in disbelief.

Matt: (happily) YEAHHHHHH! SOCIAL DISORDER!

Matt: LOVE ME! LOVE MEEEEE!


Dead Space 2

  • Matt adding Space to everything possible like "Space AIDS", "Space America", "Space Zombies", "Space Wiki" and of course, "Space Rave".
  • The beginning where Matt talks about how unsettling the tone of the game was and Pat's response.

Pat: (condescendingly) Do you need your blankie to play this game?
Matt: (whining) I might NEED the blankie.

  • The ending where Matt was trying to deny needing a blankie and that he wasn't that scared, only for the both of them to freak out when a bug creature pops out at them.
  • Pat discusses Nicole:

Pat: And even when she's dead, she won't shut the fuck up. Man, she looks awful.

  • "Oh, man! Isaac's the fucking boss! He didn't give a shit, he just headbutted the fuck out of that evil monster!"
  • Matt lamenting the deaths of his "best friends" (read: everyone he meets) for the entire video.
  • Matt discovers stomping:

Pat: Woah, why did you just kick his arm off?
Matt: Do my feet have steroids?! How is that possible?
Pat: Now his head fell off. [Matt continues to stomp the corpse] Stop that! That's fucked up!

  • Isaac punches off a dead guy's head.

Pat: Why did he keep 600 dollars in his brain? Guess you could say he's got money on the mind...

  • The two of them discussing whether the game would be a good present for Pat's eight-year-old niece.

Matt: Well, it'd teach her not to go to space.

  • Pat's reaction to Matt saying "America!" when looking at a dead Necromorph.

Pat: Why did you...how does...that doesn't even...stop saying that.

Matt: Space America!

Disaster: Day of Crisis

  • Seeing the main character running against a raging firestorm while in a frog suit. Matt and Pat just let it go by without saying a single word.
  • Their reactions to the main character downing comically oversized food.
  • This exchange:

Matt: (Pat has just rescued a young boy) You just saved that kid! Don't you feel good?
Pat: NO!

Marvel VS Capcom 3

  • Their friend goes up against them with a joystick, only to be mocked relentlessly as he is plugging it in. Next cut, we see their friend completely owning the both of them each match.
  • Pat completely annihilating Matt with Dark Phoenix's combos.

Matt: You put in cheat codes!
Pat: Yeah, when you weren't looking and we were sitting here playing, I put in the cheat code that makes me better than you.

Fist of the North Star: Ken's Rage

  • Random dialogue went on without them knowing who was talking to them, causing the both of them to get really pissed off.
    • Including the part where Kenshiro is talking to a man who just exploded.
  • Anything involving the spinning motorcycle is comedy gold:

(total silence while Matt drives the motorcycle in circles, creating one long continuous motion blur on the screen)

Pat: FUCKING STOP IT-

(scene ends)

  • Matt dropping an explosive barrel onto himself.
  • "DEFEAT KENSHIRO?!" (afterwards) "You were so bad at playing this game, Kenshiro wants to beat you up for it."
  • Pat's reaction to Kenshiro's Hokuto Hundred Crack Fist.

Pat: Holy shit! Bruce Lee ain't got shit on that!

Xbox Indie Games

  • Baby Maker Extreme. All of it.
  • "What the hell, are we playing a Quicktime Event?!"
  • "That Game Over Screen was so medieval that it says 'Game Ober'!"
  • "It's like we're in Bizarro 1997 playing an unreleased underground Dreamcast game that no one talks about!"
  • Fucking. Alderman.

Dead Red Redemption

  • Old Betsy, Whore of Steel.

Pat: WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!

  • For those who stuck around near the end finding out that it was actually GUN, a game with a similar Old West setting.
  • Matt attempting to knife a bear to death. And succeeding.

Pat: Holy shit. You are knifing that bear the fuck up. Cut him! Cut his face, man!

Deadly Premonition

  • Matt's ringtone being the background music in the hotel.
  • Matt forgetting to remind Pat that he had to save, so when Pat dies in-game, it starts all over from the beginning.

Resident Evil 4

  • Two separate occasions of Matt and Pat completely not paying attention to the screen and missing quick time events.
  • Matt accidentally killing an NPC:

Pat: He was your only friend in this horrible wasteland, and you murdered him.
Matt: It was an accident!

    • And then the guy respawns, prompting:

Matt: Wait, what--
Pat: What the shit?!
Matt: I killed him!

  • Pat tricks Matt into getting eaten by a giant monster fish for giggles.

Mortal Kombat 9

  • Pat's love of invisibility:

Pat as Smoke: Yeah, invisible!
Matt as Kung Lao: Why do you keep taking invisible dudes?!
Pat: Because invisibleness is awesome!

A few seconds later

Pat: Totally!

Matt: Aw shit!

Pat while smashing Kung Lao's face: Invisible x-rays!

Matt laughs

Pat: You can't even see it, it's like magic surgery!

After Mat knocks Scorpion into The Pit

Pat: I bet ya Reptile is hanging out down there. You can't see him though. You know why?

Matt: [sarcastically] Oh why? Why?

Pat: 'CAUSE HE'S FUCKIN' INVISIBLE!

Matt as Smoke/Ninja!Christoper Walken: NO ONE... CAN SEE ME MOVE... (Beat) IN THE DARKNESS!

  • Matt's reaction to Shao Kahn in the intro to Story Mode:

Matt: Oh, he's got Rage from Mortal Kombat vs. DC.

Pat groans

Pat: Where the fuck did he go? Did he just jump off the side? 'See you later, fuckers!'
Matt: Oh wait, there's spikes.
Pat: Yeah, 'cause the eighty-foot drop to the floor would've been fine if there were no spikes.
Matt: He can fly through the air in ball form!
Pat: Are you just saying he's just flying around the island in a ball?
Matt: He's Australian Samus! He's Screw Attacking all the way back to his house.

Portal 2

  • When smooth jazz is deployed:

Matt: Smooth jazz?
Pat: You ready for some smooth jazz?
Smooth jazz starts playing
Matt: Awwww shit.
Pat: It's so smooth I can't take it!
Matt: Aw man, I'm slipping all over the place.
Pat: I'm just sliding out of this chair!
Matt: Aw yeah-music stop-wah.
Pat: Now that's depressing.

  • Near the end where Matt and Pat both find themselves stuck in an infinite loop of portals:

Matt: This is like an abstract painting of our stupidity.
Pat: Mostly yours, though...mostly your stupidity.

  • "Nigel" as Matt was calling him calling Matt "brain damaged" to which Pat had a response:

Pat: That's amazing, the game knows you have fucking brain damage.

  • Yet another one of Pat's insults towards Matt:

Pat: You're like the Ralph Wiggum of real life.

  • Matt calling Wheatley "Nigel," full stop. Particularly funny here:

GLaDOS crushes Wheatley
Matt: You said nothing bad would happen!!
Pat: To you!
Matt: NIGELLLLLLL!

  • Matt genuinely does not understand the concept of portals.

Matt: Wait, are there three of them or four?
Pat: (disbelievingly) There's two.
Matt: What? No, look! One, two, three!
Pat: You're looking through the portal at the other portal.
Matt: Wait, hold on...
Pat: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Matt: I don't get it.

  • Just this:

Pat: That's a Material Emancipation Grid.
Matt: Wait, what? I don't listen to rap, dude.

  • Matt makes progress on a puzzle:

Pat: Holy shit, good job. I think I have some dog treats here I can give you.

  • During co-op, Matt keeps stepping on and off a door-opening button for the lulz.

Pat: I swear to God, if I fucking walk over there and that shit closes on me, I'm gonna go outside, find a homeless man, and pay him money to come here and take a dump in your sink.
(door closes)
Pat: WHAT THE FUCK?!

  • Matt's co-op song:

Matt: Workin' together...
Pat: Don't sing a song.
Matt: Solvin' the problem...
Pat: Don't sing a song! No one likes music!
Matt: It's gonna be fun when we solve science!
Pat: I'm gonna kill you.

Super Nintendo

  • "You're a Time Cop...but you're in space".
  • "Bruce Lee always sounded like a cat in heat."
  • "I love how Steven Seagal's walk speed is about as fast as he can go in real life."
    • "What the hell? Do those boxes EVEN EXIST?"
  • After sitting through all these crappy games, Pat picks a game for Matt to play:

Matt: All right, I'll give it a shot. [[[Shaq Fu]]'s title screen appears] NOOOOOOOOOOO- [cue credits]

  • *LJN logo appears on the screen* Oh fuck.


LA Noire

  • Pat's interperating Officer Phelps dialogue as a crazy yelling person when he is interrogating a lady:

Pat as Phelps: I'mofficerPhelpswhat'dyousee?! Did you kill him, I found this gun! Look at this gun is it yours?!
Pat as the lady but doing it with a really deep voice: WHY YOU WANNA KILL ME.

  • Their 40's accents.

Section Title: Buyer Beware
Pat: Buyer Beware! Myah! It's a scoop!

    • "Hey, buddy, get inside the paddywagon, I'm sure you'll make some new friends in there! Don't drop the soap, fucker!"
  • As their character stands over a dead body at a crime scene:

Matt: What's the prognosis, Pat?
Pat: MUUURRRRDERRRRRRRR!

  • The two of them being so busy arguing while driving that Pat runs into a truck.

Matt: Man, pay attention to the road!
Pat: It would be a lot easier if I didn't have to look over at you and tell you you were stupid.

  • After a man offers to get his boss for the cops.

Matt: Yeah, you better, get your fucking boss out here so we can fucking chase him the fuck--
The man bolts out the back door
Pat: Oh, that motherfucker! I'm going to fucking beat the shit out of him!

  • When a witness told them that when the victim was shot it looked painful

Pat: Yeah, getting shot fucking hurts! PRO TIP! Pro tip, Matt!
Matt: This is just expert testimony right here.
Pat: Oh, man, I hope I never get shot, because I heard, this lady tells me, that it LOOKS like it hurts!

  • Phelps reaches into a garbage pail by the crime scene:

Pat: Stow it, don't throw it! Oh, shit, a gun.

  • "Man, I love commendations for yelling at women!"

Heavy Rain

  • "There ain't no monsters in Heavy Rain! The only monster is man!"
  • "Oh, man, that's right, I got married...oh fuck."
    • "Once you're married, all your choices are gone."
  • The prolonged agony of them trying to get Ethan to shave and failing the controller prompts repeatedly.

Pat: Shave your filthy hobo beard! Oh, you ruined it!

Pat: Shake that shit! It's so pulpy! I can't handle all this pulp!!

    • And helping Ethan's wife:

Pat: Don't help her! DO NOT HELP HER! If you help her now, you'll have to help her every day!
(Matt misses the controller prompt)
Pat: Noooo!
Matt: Oh, I failed at helping my wife!

    • And playing with Ethan's kids

Pat: YEAH, KIDS, YOU READY FOR THESE 24-INCH PYTHONS?!

  • There's a long period of Ethan living his shitty life when the friends are silent; you'd almost think they're moved by the story until:

Matt: Man, what a loser.

  • This exchange near the aforementioned "what a loser"

Matt: (Jason has wandered away and the two have found him on the other side of the street) Why the fuck did you wander out of the mall?
Pat: And onto a busy street!
Pat: (Jason is about to get run over, Ethan pulls a Diving Save) No! No, Jason!
Matt: (starts cracking up, very loudly)

  • Their exchange upon seeing the kids sword fighting

Matt: Oh great, I got a bunch of larpers for kids?
Pat: You know what you need to do? You need to go out there and give those kids a whuppin'.
Matt: (Opens door) STOP LARPING! GET INTERESTED IN GIRLS!

Duke Nukem Forever

Pat: It came out!
Matt: No.
Pat: It came out!
Matt: Okay, you encoded something on a disc, and you put it in here to troll me.
[...]
Pat: "Downloadable content"? They still didn't finish the whole game!
[...]
Pat: Where's the guns at?
Matt: I guess they need a couple more years to get those done.

  • The intro to the title screen, where they first are speaking fragments of words, which then devolves into wordless, excited screaming. Followed by them getting to the title screen:

Pat: (calmly, as if they hadn't been screaming in the first place) Oh hey, it's Duke Nukem Forever.

    • And when the game proper starts:

Pat:...this looks fucking terrible!

  • Duke's punching out some aliens:

Pat: Aw, Batman ain't got shit!

  • One of the command prompts is to spin a chair.

Pat: WHY?!

  • Pat's high-pitched lamenting of why they made the game like this after he kills a pair of aliens that randomly dropped down from a vent.

Shadows of the Damned

Mat: Oh, that's not good, right?

Matt: Really? This is gonna happen?
Pat: TOUCH THE BABY FACE.

F.3.A.R.

  • "WHY IS THERE A GESTATING FETUS ON MY TITLE SCREEN?"
  • Both of them attempting to pronounce the title with little success.

Pat: Stop that, just stop trying.

  • Pat explaining the entire convoluted plot of the F.E.A.R. games for the entire video, only for Matt to tell him at the end that he wasn't even paying attention.
  • Matt repeatedly depleting his ammo to shoot the heads off of dead guys.

Man vs Wild: The Game

  • Matt as Bear Grylls being attacked by a crocodile and bees at the same time.

Matt: THE GATOR IS TEAMING UP WITH...THE GATOR IS GOING TO SHOOT BEES AT YOU!

Pat: WHY WOULD NATURE CONSPIRE AGAINST MAN LIKE THIS?

Pat: How do you find piece of shit games that no one even knows exist and then "OH MAN, LET'S PLAY! IT'S JUST SO GREAT!"?!

  • Matt being unable to keep from laughing after seeing AI!Bear Grylls jumping and then doing an off key rendition of the Item Get song from Metroid after seeing the Screw Attack-esque jump between ledges.
    • On that note, taking the idea and running with it later.

"Remember that time the Chozo gave the Arbiter the Power Beam, and he was like, 'Destroy the Locust, asshole'"?

  • AI!Bear Grylls running away from bees—that is all.
  • The snakes in the game all going for the same area.

Matt: All right! My testicles are filled to the brim with poison but I gotta make it up this mountain!

  • At one point, the game tasks AI!Bear Gryllis with building a shelter in the middle of a forest. Cue the stream of Game of Thrones references.

Matt: Winter is coming!

Pat: Those fucking Lannisters! If only I had a smooth talking midget to help me build this shelter!

Matt: If only you had some direwolves to keep you safe at night!

Pat: I'm going to sleep and all that dick poison is going to be gone!

[Bear Grylls falls asleep in the shelter only to be awakened by a bear]

Pat: WHAT THE FUCK? WHY?

Matt: DIREBEAR!

  • Every five seconds, Matt mentions something about how drinking one's own piss would solve everything in the game.

AI!Bear Grylls: [Next to a river] None of it is drinkable. Too many parasites, rubbish and debris.
Matt: You know DOESN'T have parasites and debris? My piss. [beat] Or does it? ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT!

  • Matt saying "America." through barely-restrained laughter as he basically makes Bear Grylls skip around.
  • AI!Bear Grylls vs. a beaver.

Matt: AAAAAAH! NOW I GAIN HIS POWERS!

  • The various Bear Grylls "facts" that pop up.

Stuck halfway up Mt. Everest and running low on oxygen and viable choices, Bear Grylls piloted an F-16 fighter jet to reach the summit in record time.
Bear Grylls once nursed several injured mountain lions back to health, until they were strong enough for him to kill and devour.
In 1995, Bear Grylls fell into a deep desert chasm, whereupon he encountered Cthulhu, the old one. At the mere sight of him, Cthulhu immediately started to run.

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

  • After ten minutes of buildup, Matt finally meets his first monster. It's worth the wait.
  • After Matt ragequits to the desktop:

Matt: I'm exiting. Goodbye!
Pat: Hey! Hey, whoa whoa whoa whoa...
Matt: Bye, Amnesia! It's done.
Pat: Hey-
Matt: ...wait. P-ponies? Why...Pat? Pat, why is there ponies on your desktop?

Captain America (comics): Super Soldier

Pat: ...this is what the Super Soldier Serum was for?
Matt: 500 billion dollars spent on backflips!

    Matt: I'm not super enough or soldier enough to go up these one foot tall sandbags! 50 million dollars well spent!

    • Miscellaneous insults from Pat about Matt's poor attention span.

    Matt: (throwing his shield at two random steel drums) Yeah!
    Pat: Man, what the fuck is wrong with you? Did you eat, like, a ton of paint as a child?
    Matt: You mean...you mean 'wall candy'?
    Pat: Yeah, I mean fuckin' wall candy, what the hell?

    • Matt asking Pat how would he would feel if he were frozen and awoken 70 years in the future with all his loved ones dead:

    Pat: 70 years in the future, right?
    Matt: Yes.
    Pat: Are you dead?
    Matt: I would...
    Pat: Totally worth it.

    Deus Ex Human Revolution

    Pat: Quick, you have to stop the terrorists.
    Matt: These terrorists? [shoots SWAT officers who promptly retaliate] SHIT!
    Pat: WHAT? THOSE AREN'T TERRORISTS!

    Pat: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? [cue credits]

    Street Fighter III: Third Strike Online Edition

    • Matt and Pat stopping during gameplay as Pat tries to explain that Makoto is not a man. Matt, playing Hugo, proceeds to use Gigas Breaker on Pat while he's explaining, KO'ing him. Pat's reaction is even funnier.

    Pat: (Pat has been explaining why Makoto is a girl, Matt suddenly uses Gigas Breaker) What're you fucking doing?! You piece of shit! Fuck you!
    Matt: I laid down on her! I just made her into a woman!
    Pat: UGH. That is creepy.

    • Immediately afterwards, when Poison walks on-screen during Hugo's win animation.

    Matt: Hey, look, that hot babe's next to me!
    Pat: Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

    • After fighting several games against Ken players online:

    Pat: What is with the Ken brigade?
    Matt: What do you mean, 'what is with it?' It has ALWAYS BEEN THERE!

    Earth Defense Force Insect Armageddon

    • While discussing potential equipment:

    Matt: You know what's especially dumb? Turning invisible.

    Pat: That's not funny. You take that back. You take it back!

    *Followed by Pat repeatedly shotgunning Matt*

    Catherine

    • When Vincent goes into the Nightmare Stage after meeting Catherine.

    Vincent: What the hell? I was at the bar, and this girl came in, and...
    Pat: She gave you a roofie! You're (simultaneously with Matt) being raped right now!

    • As the game explains the text messaging system.

    Matt: From your phone, you can destroy tiny sheep demons that are invading your network.

    • When Katherine says she has something important to say

    Pat: NOPE!
    Simultaneously: FUCK YOU BITCH!

    • They exit the game*

    Gears of War 3

    Matt: No, I was strategically trying to scare them!
    Pat: With what?
    Matt: With my bravado!

    • Matt completely averting the typical phrase related to helicopters in action sequences:

    Matt: I think you're going to have to get inside that chopper with great urgency.

      • And then completely neglecting it seconds later when a giant tentacle destroys the helicopter and Matt groans, "NOO, THE CHOPPAAAAH!"
    • "Tip: Dom's wife wasn't very attractive anyway."
    • Their continued fanboying over Cole Train, complete with a shout out to "Terry Tate: Office Linebacker."

    Pat: I love you, Cole Train!
    Matt: ...no homo.

    • Matt's controller continually failing at the most inopportune times.

    Max Payne 2 (mini-episode):

    Pat: Max Payne talks like that. It's kinda weird.
    Matt: Why would they hire a policeman who just never stops like, y'know, monologuing to himself?
    Pat: It's probably really good for reports.
    Matt: That would be... The fiscal quarter for this year is looking bleak. Bleak, like the gaping hole in my heart.

    • "It's Max Payne 2: Electric Bugaloo."
    • Their discussion of his name is pretty epic:

    Pat: He's got the best name.
    Matt: It's like, "Hey honey, we just had this beautiful baby boy, what should we call him--"
    Pat: MAX PAYNE!

    Matt: MAX PAYNE, BITCH! 'Cause it was fuckin' painful to deliver him! He was monologuing as soon as he came out my vag! (as Max) The umbilical cord stretched around my neck like a noose. Pain was behind me in a gaping hole!

    • After blowing up a barrel and Max has no reaction at all:

    Matt: (through laughter) Not a single fuck was given.

    • "Oh, Max! You so crazy!"
    • Matt committing suicide accidentally by trying to dive backwards off of a van while at extremely low health. The last line seals it:

    Matt: (watching as Max lays dead on the ground and the camera pans around his corpse) Oh, Max Paaaaayne! Beat You can't dull the pain NOW! (cue end credits)

    Rise of Nightmares

    • Pat mocking a female NPC's terrible French accent:

    Pat: [in French accent] This looks like Pepe Le Pew's basement! Did he capture us for rape?

    Romanian Officer: (disdainfully) American.
    (beat)

    Matt: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

    Dark Souls

    • Pat's character climbing a long ladder to the tune of "Snake Eater".
    • At the start, when Pat says that in an interview where he was asked if it would be easier than Demon's Souls, one of Dark Souls developers replied that it would be even harder. Cue Matt screaming.
    • Any time that they manage to get themselves into a bad situation. Considering the game that they're playing...there are a LOT.
      • Especially everything involving "Sauron"

    Dead Rising: Off the Record

    • When discussing who puts the zombies in the wrestling leotards:

    Pat: Yo Jimmy, you gotta put the zombie junk in the leotard today!
    Matt: No, man, I did it last week!
    Pat: No man, no man Sally's sick, you gotta take it.
    Matt: I hate working on this show!
    Pat: We can't just put the zombies out there naked, that'd be creepy.
    Matt: That'd be creepy and weird, so kindly push the balls so that they fit in the leotard.

    • Frank running towards the screen in some sweet cutoffs while "One Winged Angel" plays in the background.

    Batman: Arkham City

      Bruce Wayne: Listen to me carefully. When they open the door, do not panic. Stay close to me.
      Pat: Also, I'm not Batman.

        Matt as Batman: Alfred, can you send me a young female? I need some companionship for tonight's ball, thanks!
        Pat: Alfred just ain't gonna send one of those over on some kind of rocket ship.
        [Later, when the Batman suit arrives via rocket]
        Matt: Whoa, what do you think's in there?
        Pat: I'm hoping it's cool Batman stuff.
        Matt: It's probably that girl that I ordered.
        Pat: No! They don't have mail order rocket hookers!
        Matt: BRUCE WAYNE DOES!

        Pat: What the...?
        Matt: What's up with this dude? This is some freaked up bullshit, man. (Batman stares around and Matt starts giggling) Batman's not even looking!
        Pat: I can't...he can't even deal.

          • Which of course causes Matt to start quoting Se7en ala "What's in the case, man?! WHAT'S IN THE CAAAASE?!"
        • While demonstrating some of Batman's fighting moves for no real reason:

        Matt: (as a random guard) Yo, man! Where'd you learn those sick moves?!
        Pat: CHINA.
        Matt: (as Batman) Qui Gon Gin taught me!
        Pat: (as Batman) And now he's dead! You connect the dots, George Lucas!

        • Both of them attempting the Christian Bale Batman voice and failing miserably to the point where they break into coughing fits and Pat exclaims: "Man, fuck his method acting bullshit!"

        Persona 4

        • Matt saving over Pat's maxed-out save file.

        Pat: What the fuck are you doing?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOI-*cut to credits*

        • They discuss the versatility of the phrase "SEE YOU LATER, FUCKER!"

        Cabela's Survival: Shadows of Katmai

        Pat: No. No. NO! NO! NO! FUCKING NO! NOT THIS SHIT... NO! NOT! NO!... NOOOOO!!

        Matt: [Oblivious] Alright so this is Cabela’s...

        Pat: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

        Matt: ...SURVIVAL: SHADOWS OF KATMAI!

        Pat: [sobbing] Noooohohohooo!

        Matt: It's so good.

        Pat: Why?

        Matt: Get hyped.

        Pat: NO!

        • Matt and Pat wondering how the husky, Togo, managed to always end up at their destination ahead of them, even if they had to climb up a sheer cliff in order to reach the area. This includes one instance where the camera suddenly turns to a downward view of the bottom of the valley, where a little black speck (representing Togo, who was previously up on top of the cliff) is visible. They then cut back and circle Togo in red with the words FUCKING TOGO over it.

        Pat: Togo's like made out of Spider-Man!

          • Matt and Pat's response to the doctor falling to her death.

          Matt: I took that doctor, and threw her on the ground!

          Pat: I don't need your medicine!

          Simultaneously: I'M AN ADULT!

          • Halfway through a boss fight with a bear, the bear knocks over a full-sized tree and starts swinging it like a club from its mouth. Both quite understandably flip out.

          Matt: THEY'RE LEARNING!
          Pat: OH MY GOD THIS IS JUST LIKE DEEP BLUE SEA!

          "I barely got away from that encounter. (Beat) ...Nailed it!

          • The guys' reaction to the lead character's oddly sexual enjoyment of the fire he makes:

          Pat: (as the character) Aw yeah, I should just shove my dick right in this campfire.
          Mat: (as the character) Aw, this fire feels so good around my dick, girl.

          • "TWO THOUSAND GOD POINTS."
          • The lead character has to cut open a dead moose and shove the girl inside it and Matt randomly advises: "SEW HER IN!"
          • After a vicious attack from a pack of wolves:

          Matt: JESUS! I'm getting raped to sleep by the dickwolves over here!

          • Upon finding yet another glitch in the game:

          Pat: DUDE. I'm making the trees disappear with my body! That Ace cologne is having unexpected side effects!
          Matt: Mountain Man, fresh scent! Fuck yo' trees!
          Pat: FUCK YO' TREES! THEY HIDE THE WOMENZ.

          • After an old man, who looks like a hobo, stands over their character, who is clearly moving around, and asks him if he's alive.

          Pat: Nope. Totally dead.

          Matt: Zombie!Josh Brolin.

          Pat: Gonna bite your face, old man!

          Matt: I'm gonna get ya! Ho-ho-ho!

          Resident Evil 2

          • During Part 4 of their playthrough, Pat is talking about a file in the game (the contents of which he apparently memorized), when he adds:

          Pat: I dunno, I didn't work for Capcom back in '97.
          Matt: You didn't? Wait, wait, whoa whoa, you didn't?
          Pat: No, back when I was ten years old, I did not work for Capcom.
          Matt: Jesus, tons of revelations coming out during this...

          • Partway through Part 9 of their playthrough (at the end of Claire's A scenario), their usual off-topic conversation gets lampshaded.

          Matt: So this is the part in RE2 where you have nothing to do.
          Pat: Yeah, absolutely. I've killed all the enemies in the game, and so that means it's time to talk about Lethal Weapon.

          • During Part 11:

          Pat: If you use first aid spray, it knocks your ranking down.
          Matt: Oh, we can't have that, can we?
          Pat: No, I want to play with some HUNKs. (Beat) Shut up, just shut up. I don't wanna hear whatever you're about to say about that.

          • In Part 12, Matt explains the expression "Soup Kitchen". Pat immediately wishes he could unlearn it.
          • Part 14, where we have reached discussions about how much Hideo Kojima can possibly stretch out the Metal Gear series; Whilst the two show genuine enthusiasm for a WW 2-era game starring the Boss, Matt has them both rolling with laughter following his proposal of one of the game's interactive scenes featuring Ocelot's birth.

          Matt: Ocelot's going to shoot out of the Boss' vag and he's gonna be spinning the umbilical cord around his finger, over his back n' shit!!

          • Also, the ongoing saga of Mister X; Upon the scene where he bursts through the wall of the RPD's briefing room, Matt bellows;

          Matt: HEY I'M DOING A PRESS CONFERENCE HERE, MOTHERFUCKER!!

          Skyrim

          Matt: Alright, fuck it. Just run the Skyrim video.

          • Pat shooting a bunch of people in the face with arrows, and them underreacting to it.
          • Pat discovering his character has a hit put out on him, finding a child with the same name and (unsucessfully) attempting to take revenge.
          • "OW! I took an arrow to the-*abrupt cut*
          • "That kid tried to kill me, and her Ghost Dog tried to finish the job! That Ghost Dog will serve ME now!"
          • "A-MER-RICAAAAH!"
          • Talking to the long-haired blonde guy at the beginning:

          Ralof: You were trying to cross the border, right?
          Matt: I sure was, Skwisgaar.

          Assasin's Creed: Revelations

          • The animated intro, featuring Matt and Pat as assassins. Matt attempts Le Parkour, falls and lands in a heap not moving,Pat surveys the scene for a moment... and then points and laughs.
          • Their lampshading of Sofia's Absolute Cleavage:

          [Ezio and Sofia are looking at a map]
          Matt: Ezio is NOT looking at the map.

          Pat: Nope. "Uh yeah...this is where I used to...TITS! [beat] I mean ITALY! [beat] There are girls with tits there!"

          • The entire "money throwing sequence". Matt and Pat make fun of how many people gather to collect the money Ezio throws on the ground, and get way too into it:

          Pat: Could you imagine how pathetic it would be if you just dropped ten dollars in coins on the fucking street, and people just started to "Oh my God"?
          Matt: People just stomping on their own children to get to that chedda.
          Pat: Oh man, these ten dollars in quarters are going to make a fucking riot break out. Jesus fuck.
          (Beat)
          Matt: People are shit! People equal shit!
          Pat: How do you get up in the morning?!
          (Ezio climbs up on a well)
          Matt: Look, I'll be even more, more, from the tops of the towers!
          Pat: Come to your master! You'll make what I give you!
          Matt: Pray for death!
          (Ezio starts throwing dirt, people start walking away)
          Matt: Ah, take this dirt!
          Pat: That's what you are!
          (Ezio throws money again and everyone comes back)
          Matt: You come back for more!
          Pat: You come back so easily!
          Matt: You sack of wine!
          Pat: You are like, more prostitutes than Cobra Commander!
          (Later)
          Matt: Oh, cleave the meat off each other's bones for this blood money!
          Pat: Take this money that I am pissing down upon you with my Ancient God Dick!

          • "You can't just be draggin' around dead bodies in front of the po-lice! I mean, it's funny at first... (Beat, the screen says "MafiaOfBananas is Online")...but then the Mafia of Bananas shows up! And you're all like, 'I don't even have any fuckin' bananas! I don't owe you protection!'"

          Metal Gear Solid HD

          Saints Row the Third

          Beatdown: Fists of Vengeance

          Matt: Lookin' good!
          Pat: In EVERY game. EVERY game you do this.

          Soul Calibur V

          • Matt mocking the narration.

          "Live like a Windrammer as you fuck."

          Matt: THIS IS THE WORST!

          • Matt loses a match by accidentally falling into the river as he fights. Right afterwards, Pat exclaims: "I will follow you, my friend!" and jumps in after him.
          • Both of them cracking up at the bizarre animation that happens after Algol wins the fight, which includes a giant stone throne appearing out of nowhere for him to sit in. Extra points because they slow it down for us to see properly.
          • Matt's multiple references to Berserk.
          • Pat's mocking rant of one female character's "ring blade".
          • "You know what nunchucks are good for? Keeping the Queen of England outta your face!"
          • After one character disappears in a huge plume of flames:

          Matt: (laughs) COOL GUYS DON'T LOOK AT EXPLOSIONS!

          Spider-Man Games

          • Any time Matt talks about a completely absurd plot...that actually happened in real Spider-Man comic books. Two of which are Peter getting Mary Jane sick from years of injecting radioactive semen into her and another where he turns into a giant spider and gives birth to himself.
          • As the first bosses of the beginning level appear: "OH! IT's HIP-HOP BITCHES!"
          • "The first problem with this game is that Spider-Man is constipated."
            • Subsequently, Matt and Pat mocking Spider-Man's strange walking animation:

          Matt: That's very business-like.
          Pat: (as Spidey) I'm gonna go fuckin' save the world.
          Matt: (as Spidey) I'm gonna go totally save the world from Doc Ock and Sinister Six and then I'm just gonna go home and shoot Mary Jane full of radioactive spider jizz.
          Pat: (as Spidey) And then I got a meeting at six. I gotta get the Power Point ready.
          Matt: (as Spidey, through laughter) Jonah's gonna be crazy mad if I don't get it done.

          • Every time Matt mentions Spidey's lack of Spidey sense.
          • Matt and Pat's complete and utter confusion of the level design and strange villains in the second Spider-Man game they play.
          • "Watch out for that renegade Bunsen burner!"
          • "Man, science is kicking your ASS!"
          • "NOOOOOO! GODDAMMIT, SCIENCE!"
          • Upon finally figuring out how to get down the manhole from the street level, Spider-Man drops down and is instantly killed by a guy in a gold mech suit.

          Matt: (through laughter) Master Chief is a fucking crackshot!

          • Their stunned silence at the Spider-Man 3 game's unbelievably awful web-slinging, followed by laughter. It must be seen to be believed.
          • "THIS IS HOW I FUCK THE SKY!"
          • "You cannot imagine the immensity of the fuck that Spider-Man does not give."
          • The ending featuring this infamous scene.

          Xbox Indie Games II

          • After so many awful indie games, they find T.E.C. 3001. And completely lose their minds.
            • The developers actually thanked them for their endorsement of the game.
          • "Fuck, Pat, you're a wizard."
          • Matt deliberately missing button cues in Try Not to Fart.

          Mass Effect 3

          • Matt's Futurama reference in the game's opening exposition.

          Matt: They found a place filled with Amazonian babes that love to snu-snu!

          • Matt and Pat insisting that a Spirit Bomb could solve all the problems in the game.
          • A giant laserbeam blows through an office window, causing an enormous desk to go flying and flatten a woman.

          Matt: OH! That desk is working with the Ravagers!

          Matt: SHOOT HER SPACE TITS! (as Pat does and the robot woman falls) Oh, it worked!
          Pat: How's that for a mammogram?

          • One of the team members brings in an injured man wearing blue armor and Matt instantly moans, "Oh, Caboose!"
          • When they run into Diana Allers.

          Pat: Is that Jessica Chobot?
          Matt: Is that that girl who tells you stupid, outdated tips that are factually incorrect on Xbox Live Inside?
          Pat: Why's she dressed like a skank, and how come her face didn't... work good?

          Prison Break: The Conspiracy

          • The beginning where Matt and Pat sit in annoyed silence staring at the start up screen for the game.

          Matt: Hey, remember that time in Prison Break where--
          Pat: No, I don't. I never fuckin' watched Prison Break. Did you even watch Prison Break?
          Matt: No.
          Pat: Why did you buy Prison Break?
          Matt: Because I've got mental problems.

          • Pat mocking the awful character mechanics.

          Scofield: I'm not here to make friends.
          Pat: Or lip synch well.

          • Their laughter at the fact that punching a black guard makes you fail instantly, with no fail screen.

          Pat: (punching a white guard and getting no reaction) The white guy's invincible. This game is racist as shit!

          • Their reaction to every single cell having a "No Smoking" sign above it:

          Pat: Why would you...why couldn't you just tell them "No Smoking"? They're in fucking PRISON! Where are they going to GO? It's like "Ok, I know you had to smuggle like a whole CARTON of cigarettes up your ass...but no, you can't smoke them."
          Matt: [laughing] What's the point of smuggling in smokes when EVERY FUCKING CELL has a "No Smoking" sign?

          • Matt makes the PC randomly punch an inmate casually talking to another leading to a fight which he wins...and the inmate simply gets up, goes back to where he was an continues the conversation like nothing happened. Matt promptly makes the PC punch him again.
          • Pat lampshading how the main character is the worst undercover agent ever since he dictates notes about the evil Government Conspiracy into his miniature digital recorder while facing the bars of his cell in full view of half the cell block.

          Pat: Everyone fucking across him can look over and he's like [mumblemumblemumble]. "Are you INSANE or are you a fucking SNITCH?"

          Matt: Man, that's DMX! He's gonna give it to me.

          • Their reaction to finding out Scofield designed the prison:

          Pat: Why would they send him to the prison HE designed?!
          Matt: (through laughter) Because of reasons!

          • Both guys cracking up at getting caught despite the guard not turning his head to look at the escaped prisoner.
          • Their reaction to accidentally stumbling into the prison showers. Twice.
          • At the odd animation of a guard in front of a coffee machine:

          Pat: Is that guy takin' a piss?!
          Matt: Nah, he's getting coffee. WITH PISS IN IT!

          • Their hysterical laughter after the character tries to reach down and get a file and promptly falls out of the vent, failing the mission.

          Matt: I LOVE PRISON! IT'S SO WACKY!
          Pat: WHY WOULD YOU WANNA BREAK OUT?! (cue end credits)

          Silent Hill: Downpour

          • Pat's Tour-Guide Nixon voice.
          • The sequence with Pat encouraging Matt to shift a box around in Part 4 of the Let's Play. Because of Pat's tone and the length of the sequence - the sheer number of times that Pat tells him "No, forward a little. Back a little. Forward some more," - it really just makes it seem like Pat is fucking with Matt and Matt doesn't realise it. I don't think Pat meant it to be funny, but given than he's set Matt up with a lengthy setup before (as in one of the Assassin's Creed videos), it's one of those things I expected to have a payoff.
          • "Train guy was DRUNK!"
          • Matt repeatedly going up to flashing objects, and wondering what they are, and if he can pick them up and use, even though he's seen them a million times before, and Pat keeps telling him they are not good weapons.

          (Matt sees a flashing pile of bricks that look exactly like bricks he has picked up before)
          Matt: What's that?
          Pat: That's bricks!
          Matt: Oh, I thought it was like a pile of bricks. What's that?
          Pat: (tired) That's a fire extinguisher.

          • Part 9 sees them in an unusual office with one of the game's numerous files;

          Pat: Pick up that evil book!
          Matt: Necronomicon!!

          • How does Matt begin Part 10? By accidentally chucking his axe, one of the most valuable weapons in the game, into the giant gorge in the middle of the street. You just can't beat that.
            • Made even better that most of part ten is just Matt wandering around haplessly looking for a light bulb not even vital to the main plot, of all things.
          • In Part 11, they go into a flashback in the movie theater. After only mild reactions/gasps to the game's previous Jump Scares, Matt freaks out when a basketball falls out of a basketball hoop. Pat immediately turns it into a joke.

          Matt: AAAAAH! That was scary!
          Pat: I wasn't paying attention. What happened?
          Matt: A little, a little, uh, basketball fell from the hoop.

          Pat: That's the ghost of the Harlem Globetrotters.

          • Matt's general inability to navigate through the game. It's across a number of episodes, but the amount of times Pat has told him to go right or left and Matt's gone in entirely the opposite direction is getting too high to count.
          • In Part 13, Matt forgets how the combat controls work, and repeatedly throws his axe at enemies standing right in front of him. Funnier, this proves to be far more effective than just hitting them with it.
          • Matt utterly hates the entire "school play" puzzle. Pat adopts a hilariously sarcastic tone while guiding him through it.
          • In part fifteen, Matt is attacked by the boss, a giant man in a gas mask.

          Pat: Aw c'mon HUNK, I didn't mean it when I said Tofu was better! The Fourth Survivor rocks!

          • "ENJOY YOUR CHAIR, SHITLORD!"
          • Matt points out yet another plothole in Part 17: "Why does the prison that has no electricity, have electricity?"
          • Matt and Pat's speculation on Murphy's wife in Part 17 after reading her letter is just hilarious.
          • Every time Pat reads a blacked out name in one of the notes or files. It always comes out as some weird noise akin to "derpy derp."
          • Pat pronounces Murph's name in a weird New York Accent for most of the game, ala "Moiph."
          • Matt's refusal to run away from an enemy as it caused him to hit a wire and get electrocuted. He simply turns around and kills the creature with the axe, screaming, "AMERICA!" on the killing blow.
          • Matt's growing exasperation at having to read every single note out loud.

          Pat: Oh, look, a note!
          Matt: GODDAMMIT!

            • At one point Pat sarcastically notes that when he played RE2 Matt was constantly bugging him to stop and read the various files in the game.
          • Any time they mock the utter lack of anything scary in the game. Especially if they deadpan about how they peed their pants at a cheap Jump Scare.
          • After hours and hours of monotonous, tedious, nonsensical gameplay, Matt and Pat end the game in Part 19 the only truly appropriate way possible—by simultaneously screaming "FUCK YOU!" at the "Thank you" screen at the end credits. Well said, gents. Well said.


          The Punisher

          • As with their Spider-Man video, they occassionally intersperse it with some facts about the Punisher comics. "In the Marvel Mangaverse, the Punisher was a female Geisha who used a whip and tickled crime bosses to death. No, I'm serious". This fact is brought up Twice.
          • The duos thoughts on the "good cop, bad cop" routine between the Punisher and an angry rhinoceros.
          • All of the Bond One Liners used by the Punisher, which are So Bad It's Good and cause Matt and Pat to crack up whenever they hear them.
          • All of the dialogue from the nameless Mooks the Punisher kills who make countless Captain Obvious observations or completely lose their shit whenever Punisher shows up.
          • Shooting the Mooks with the .12 gauge shotgun makes them fly about fifteen feet through the air every...single...time. Words cannot do it justice.
          • Matt makes the Punisher throw one guy and the guy ends up lying on top of a hot dog cart, facedown, completely still so it looks like he's planking.
            • Another time Matt tosses a guy off a balcony while aiming at a burning cab on the street below...and the guy lands right on top of it.

          Matt: NAILED IT!

          • The end, where the Punisher is faced with two hostages being held at gunpoint and told "You can't save both!". Matt makes the Punisher chuck a grenade at the feet of the four and the explosion kills the gunmen...and the hostages remain unharmed.

          Pat: WHAT?! [cue credits]

          Mortal Kombat Shaolin Monks

          • Matt continuing to insist that either of the two Chinese playable characters are American.
          • Matt's suggestion of The Punisher being Johnny Cage, and Pat's excited confirmation.
          • Their reaction to whatever the hell flew across the moon that one of the characters noticed several minutes before it happened.

          Pat: WOOOAH IT'S LIKE A WITCH!

          • Pat's excitement over seeing Reptile.

          Pat: Reptile's the hypest! I would have his reptile eggs if he needed it.

          • Their disturbing glee upon finding a gigantic puddle of blood.

          Matt: Hey, dude, come frolic in the blood with me.
          Pat: I thought you'd never ask.
          Matt: Oh man, this reminds me of that one summer...

          • When their characters power up, Matt insists it's the power of Lubu.
          • Their laughter at the random suggestions that appear during the Game Over screens. Especially the one that says, "Find Mustapha."

          Pat: He's dead. He's with the Circle of Life now.

          Matt: Everything the light touches!

          • Matt's discovery that if Pat tries to jump over a pit of spikes while he's running in the opposite direction, it drags Pat back into the pit to die.

          Pat: (as he's being dragged) No, no, no, NOOOOOO! (dies and Matt cracks up)

            • Made especially funny by being a Brick Joke. At the start of the video, they discover that they can't hit each other. Matt notes that they'll probably find a way to kill each other eventually.
          • When they start running around in circles and lamenting the loss of Sonya.

          Pat: (sing song voice) What are we gonna dooooooo?
          Matt: We can't find our titties!

          Metal Wolf Chaos

          • You don't even need their commentary to burst into laughter. The dialogue's just so bad.
          • Matt and Pat repeatedly crack up throughout the episode at the sheer absurdity of the premise.
            • The sheer absurdity of the premise alone and the hilariously mangled American culture is so hilarious that Mat and Pat don't even say anything at some points; sometimes they just let it pass without saying anything.

          YouTube Comment: It's like Japan and Michael Bay had some ungodly lovechild...

          Metal Wolf: (As he's bombarding an enemy fortress with missiles) How do you like me now?
          Pat: I LIKE YOU A LOT, MR. PRESIDENT! I LIKE YOU A LOT!

          • Lampshading the fact that the reason for all of Michael Wilson's actions is "I'm the President of the United States."
          • The bit at the end, where Matt talks about the end of the season as if it were an election.
          • Their Nixon imitations, full stop:

          Pat: [Nixon voice] See, back when I was president we didn't HAVE these "giant robots". All we had was the worship of the Devil!

          • When they fight a giant tank named "Dorsey":

          Matt: Who names a tank like the most "old ladiest" name ever?
          Pat: [Nixon voice] This is out new tank: the "Meredith"! It's got tons of shit on it! You won't even fuckin' believe it!
          Matt: [Nixon voice] We also made an attack helicopter called the "Agatha"!
          Pat: [Nixon voice] It spins kinda slow!
          Matt: [Nixon voice] The Agatha asks if you would like some ribbon candy!

          • Any time they yell at the secretary for her incessant comments during battle sequences.
          • When the stereotypical robot voice announces that the giant later canon is about to self-destruct:

          Pat: Why did Soundwave just decide or kill himself?

          Super Best Friends Brawl--WWF No Mercy

          • Matt, Pat, and Woolie (Matt's co-host on Fighterpedia) play an N64 WWF game... with only created characters. Woolie plays as Zubaz (a rejected Street Fighter character and running gag for Fighterpedia), Matt plays as The Shockmaster (a Call Back to their WWE All Stars video), and Pat plays as Reptile... or at least as close a fascimile as he could get on make.

          Super Best Friends Brawl--Super Smash Bros

          • Woolie versus Matt on clothing:

          Woolie: (as Kirby) Why is the gorilla even wearing a tie?

          Matt: WHY ARE YOU WEARING NOTHING?!

          • "Show me the Sex Kick."
          • "Maybe the item was the courage in all of us. *cue a clip from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann*"
          • As Pat knocks Woolie, playing as Samus, out of the ring: "Women can't vote! Get outta here!"
          • Pat references Solid Snake: "He's the guy with the full carton of cigarettes in his stomach right now."
          • Matt mentions a mech character he likes so much that he'd like to have sex with it, which of course causes them to start making references to Skeet Fighter.

          Matt: I like your rail gun so good, gurl.

          Assassin's Creed Unity

          • Matt and Pat poking fun at themselves for making an episode about the game in 2015, long after launch. Before proceeding to play the game the way it's meant to be played: with all the post-launch patches removed. Hilarity Ensues.
          • They eventually start mocking the weird oversights and design choices in the game, like the use of British accents for the French characters. And speculating that the developers may have been watching a bit too much anime, interpreting the relationship between Arno and Elise as a bizarre Childhood Friend Romance.

          Pat: My little guillotine can't possibly be this cute!

          • Their disappointment that some of the really bizarre graphical glitches (like the faceless head bug) haven't shown up. But decide to put it in the title card anyway.

          The outtake videos

          Matt: These ninjas... they're everywhere!

          Matt: I just lost the match!

            • "I love my tits slathered in crimson!"
          • Heavy Rain
            • Matt and Pat get a little drawn to the bird in Ethan's house.

          Matt: Wow, they spent way too much time making that bird.
          Pat: That bird is, like, a major plot point. (Beat) That bird's the killer!

          • Duke Nukem Forever
            • When the twins in Duke's apartment walk away, the animation is so bad that the two can't hold in their laughter.

          Pat: 3DRealms can't animate for SHIT!

          "If you see a lion and this bush, jump into the lion."

          Pat: (Pat has just made Bear zipline down a slope and he's noticed the parachute that he landed in, which is colored blue white and red) ...now look there's the French flag over there! I'm in France!
          Matt: (immediately) America.
          Pat: No, that's the...it's the...Fr-
          Matt: Right?
          Pat: No!

            • Pat failing utterly at making traps, particularly his first attempt:

          Matt: (Pat grabs onto a branch and it randomly breaks) No, this is completely useless and you just broke it!
          Pat: (cracks up for a bit) What the hell?!

            • Matt finding the way to make Bear drink his own piss.

          (Bear Grylls is making some sort of motion, his back to the camera)
          Matt: What...what?
          Pat: Thanks.
          Matt: I thought he was peeing in something.
          Pat: Me too.
          Matt: (Bear finishes doing whatever he was doing) What was that? (Matt opens his rucksack then sees that his snakeskin canteen is now full. The info says "This canteen is filled with my urine". After a bit, Pat begins laughing hysterically) ...I found it.

          Pat: [notices that one of the cops is called "Detective Alex Murphy"] But THAT'S RoboCop!

          Matt: I KNOW!

          Murphy: Nice digs! Hey, you ever heard of this 80s movie? Anyone ever tell you you got that "movie star" look about you?

          Matt: ...no...

          Pat: Why is RoboCop telling you that you're RoboCop?

          Cop: Did we just go into a time warp or something?

          Matt: I THINK WE DID!
           

          Super Best Friends Play Metal Wolf Chaos (2016)

          • It's revealed to Liam that when Matt and Pat did the original Metal Wolf Chaos video, they had no idea what they were actually doing. Which actually made the game unnecessarily hard for them in the first place.
          • Pat's attempts at sounding presidential always end up reverting to the Nixon voice.
          • The Friends cracking up at the mission intros of just about every level. The one that takes the cake though is the Miami mission, which involves Richard Hawk shipping American citizens off for overseas white slavery.
          • It's also revealed that Matt uploaded the first episode of the series prematurely, before he could change the video title. The original placeholder?

          METAL WOLF CHAOS 01 GOOD

          • Liam revealing that in his first playthough of the game, he kept skipping the cutscenes. So seeing them play out this time around all but leaves him dumbfounded.
          • Pat's off-topic ranting about Zeon and burning space colonies in the final episode, which coincidentally involves a fight inside an American space colony. Doubles as a Brick Joke, given his disdain for Spacenoids while playing Gundam Extreme Vs.

          Two Best Friends Play Deus Ex: Human Revolution Director's Cut (2016)

          • It's revealed that not only was Matt a QA tester for Deus Ex: Human Revolution before leaving Eidos Montreal, but Woolie and Liam were also involved with the development of the Director's Cut. Matt then reveals to Pat various stories he's heard from his connections about Woolie and Liam's antics in the office, with their co-workers shipping the two behind their back. In a later episode, it's revealed that Woolie complained about that story being true, except that Matt heard it from his wife, who also worked at Eidos Montreal with him and Liam.
          • Pat's attempts at replicating Letitia's accent come across as even more stereotypical than hers.
          • Matt's Self Deprecating Humor every time a bizarre design decision or bug shows up.
          • When Jensen gets to Hengsha, Pat has a ball poking fun at the Chinese accents.
          • The recurring joke on whether Pat will cheat or not. So far, he hasn't.
          • The Friends talking about the ethical issues of augmenting one's sex life by going into a LIMB clinic at 3 am, while drunk.
          • Matt and Pat occasionally poking fun at Jensen's attitude and stoicism, even while dying.
          • That one sidequest in Hengsha involving Malik basically leaves Pat utterly dumbfounded by its conclusion.
          • Pat finally succeeding in landing the basketball in the hoop in Detroit. Only to die right after.
          • Matt jokingly making a tally of how many blacks and Chinese people Jensen kills over the course of the playthrough.

          Super Best Friends Play The Punisher (2016)

          • From the get-go, Matt and Pat couldn't help but point out how the Punisher seems to be wiping out just about every Italian in New York City with all the thugs and mobsters being gunned down. Later on, this extends to the various Russians and Yakuza goons meeting their deaths at Frank Castle's hands.
          • The Friends' incredulous reactions to the various newspaper clippings received every time a mission's completed. Even more hilarious is the revelation that the body of text on said clippings are actually from debugging documents if you squint close enough. Also, every time Matt describes a brutal Punisher storyline, particularly the ones from Garth Ennis.
          • Matt and Pat speculating that the Punisher actually generates an aura around him that causes random people to commit crime.
          • Woolie's simultaneously stereotypical and accurate Russian accents.
          • Matt and Pat talking about how the more recent Punisher comics have him looking more and more like Big Boss. Cue Nick Fury cameo, looking just like Big Boss.
          • The Running Gag of Mat, Pat and Woolie trying to guess what the Punisher's next PTSD-induced Bond One-Liner's going to be. At one point, they even got one verbatim.
          • The last episode, which opens with the otherwise awesome intro replaced by half-assed animated doodles accompanied by a horrible recorder cover of the Two Best Friends theme song. Apparently, the guy who made the intro sent in that version just to troll Matt.
          • Matt's constant musings about Pun Pun Kill-chan, aka a female version of Frank Castle eventually become reality.

          Best Friends Play Chasing Dead

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