Proton Jon

MOVE FASTER, POKEY!

FOR THE LOVE OF BATMAN, JUMP! BILL COSBY... IS ANGRY! STIMPY! I NEED SPACKLE!

—Proton Jon, suffering for his art

Proton Jon is a Let's Player, part of the original group of Video Let's Players from Something Awful. Like most of them, he created a YouTube account to host the videos he made. One day, he posted a two part LP of a level from Kaizo Mario World. It became a huge hit, and one of the seminal LP videos on YouTube.

Many LPers, some of whom have become quite popular in their own right, list him as an inspiration. His commentary style alternates between wry, witty commentary and hysterical, incomprehensible rambling, sometimes in the same sentence. Many of his unique turns of phrase have gone viral.

His most popular videos are his Super Mario World romhack LPs and his posts of Super Smash Bros Brawl matches with his friends. Both of these are on indefinite hiatus, though he continues to LP other games.

He became a YouTube partner on October 18, 2010. Along with Chuggaaconroy and Nintendo Capri Sun, he is also part of a collaborative LP group known as The Runaway Guys.

Proton Jon's Ongoing Let's Plays:

• Superman 64^[1]

Games Proton Jon has Let's Played:

• Ninja Gaiden (the entire trilogy)
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
• Numerous romhacks of Super Mario World
  • Kaizo Mario World
• Knytt Stories
• Kirby Super Star
• Super Metroid (actually a romhack, Meta/Omega Boss Battles)
• Superman for the original Game Boy (played in its entirety during the fifth episode of his Superman 64 LP)
• Battletoads^[2]
• Mario's Early Years
• Mario Party 2 Minigame Coaster^[3]

His Let's Plays and other videos provide examples of:

• Actually Pretty Funny: Deceased Crab hooked him up with a Knytt Stories game entitled "Don't Eat the Mushroom". Guess what you have to do to advance the game. After being surprised by The Burger King in front of a background of fire while "What Is Love?" plays on infinite loop, he's legitimately delighted by DC's discovery.

Proton Jon: Wha--aw, cool! This is awesome! Why couldn't the real game have been like this?

• • While he normally HATES Invisible Coin Blocks, in this ROM Hack he encounters an inventive use of them that's Actually Pretty Funny.

YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! *chuckles* Okay, that was kinda funny.

• And That's Terrible: The original quote, given a shoutout in Superman 64 part 4.
• Angrish: When he gets really frustrated, he sometimes lapses into this. The entire second half of his Kaizo video is basically one long string of it.
• Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: From the end of Super Kaizo World Part 1:

Jon: Oh fu-hu-hu-hu-hu-huck, I didn't imagine that! Oh, what the hell! I have to do all that over again... rewind! (Beat) ...I'M OUT OF REWINDS! AAARRRGH, I gotta do all that over again! ...and the phone's ringing!

• Be Careful What You Wish For: In this video, Jon says he approves of the romhack level made by one "Xanaboy", and recommends that he make more. Xanaboy does indeed make more, as can be seen in this video.
• Berserk Button: Invisible Blocks. These things are the bane of his existence. He got so fed up with them, he made an entire level full of them in Lunar Magic and had two of his friends play through them.

"Stop it with the invisible coin blocks. They're not fu- shit."

• Beware the Nice Ones Reading the page, it should obvious which LP this came up.

"FUCK YOU, SHPECHSEAL STAGE! FUCK YOU! DERE I GOT FUKIN PISSED, CHA HAPPEH?!"

• Big "What?": Often. Whenever he plays a game blind, you're guaranteed to hear lots of these.
• Broke the Rating Scale: As mentioned on the page itself, Jon will occasionally give out Type 2s:
  • Mario's Wacky World - 4 "Captain Falcons driving Sonic like he was an F-Zero car" out of 5. "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!"
  • Super Metroid Omega Boss Battles - 4 Henshin-A-Go-Go Baby's out of 5.
• Canada, Eh?: He hails from the Great White North, and therefore draws out his "a"s and "o"s, and pronounces "z" as "zed", which occasionally results in ribbing from his American peers. It's worth noting, though, that Jon was born and raised in Newfoundland, home to perhaps the most inscrutable dialect in the English language, but he doesn't really talk like that at all.
• Catch Phrase: Many are associated with him, even if he only said them once (or in only one video):
  • MOVE FASTER POKEY!
  • 100 SECONDS?!
  • DEATH WATER!
    • CHERRY KOOL-AID!
  • LEAP OF FAITH!
  • "NOW I'LL SHOW YOU!" and "SHOW ME YOUR MOVES!" (Super Smash Bros Brawl taunts of Sonic and Captain Falcon, respectively)
  • Oh, come off it...
  • Rewind space-time...
  • Thank you and good night!
  • GGGGAAAAAAAMMMMMEEEEE!!
  • Once more with feeling.
  • Bye guys!
  • WOAH NELLY!
• Cluster F-Bomb: He will lapse into this whenever sufficiently pissed off, the Kaizo traps in Kaizo Mario World and Mario's Wacky World being two shining examples.
  • Everyone (save for Nintendo Capri Sun, but even he swears at times) in Battletoads. Especially SuperJeenius.
• Comically Missing the Point: From his 2010-2011 holiday special:

Jon: ♪We wish you a merry Christmashanukkahkwanzaafestivusholidayseason, we wish you a merry Christmashanukkahkwanzaafestivusholidayseason...♪ Uh, no. Hmm, maybe if I say Kwanzaa first...

• Cosmetic Award: Given out like candy on Halloween in the Battletoads LP.
• Crazy Enough to Work: Averted often; many of the plans he comes up with backfire quite a lot ^[4].
• Deadpan Snarker: When he isn't raising his voice, he usually talks in this mode, along with the occasional helping of Self-Deprecation.
• Department of Redundancy Department: "Ridiculous? That's ridiculous! Nothing can be as ridiculous as ridiculousness! ...How ridiculous are you?"
• Development Hell: Superman 64 test video: December 1, 2007. Trailer for the LP: January 26, 2008. Part 1 of the LP: June 17, 2010.
• Documentary: His Superman 64 LP is like this.
• Dude, Not Funny: One episode of his Superman 64 LP introduced the "random asshole count".
• Edutainment: He and his roommate Kelekin tackled a pair of Super NES preschool games called Mario's Early Years.
• The Faceless: Averted with his work with the Speed Gamers. He looks like Otacon
  • Note that he's also favourited two videos of himself in costume as Dante at an anime convention.
• Follow the Leader: YouTube LPers probably owe more to him than anyone else.
• Genre Savvy: Becomes this in response to his repeated exposure to Kaizo Traps. In this video, he sniffs one out like a pro.

"You guys aren't going to get me with that trap any more, you have to understand that."

• Growing Up Sucks: Toyed with. Prior to the release of Superman 64 part 2, Jon wrote a message saying he'd stop LPing due to how he will inevitably mature... until it was revealed to be a fake letter.
• Heads-Tails-Edge: In his Furious Mario LP, he tried to decide what path to take by flipping a game cartridge:

"It landed on its corner."

• Heal It with Fire: "Now, Mother Brain is blue, so we have to warm her up WITH MISSILES."
• Hell Is That Noise: In-universe, "I'm not sleeping tonight, guys, this is my nightmare sound."
• I Need a Freaking Drink: Battletoads has the "Alcoholic in Training" achievement: "This game stops sobriety." Of course, they're all just drinking water/soda pop, but the trope is clearly invoked.
• The Jimmy Hart Version: He notes that the level music for Stage 8 of Superman for the Game Boy sounds a lot like the theme from Mission: Impossible.
• Kaizo Trap: His reaction to the Trope Namer made them famous.
• Kubrick Stare: His banner on YouTube is of Ryu from Ninja Gaiden doing a particularly epic one of these.
• Lampshade Hanging: This video Has Jon talking about his ancient, somewhat malfunctioning NES, when he says this line:

"My NES is somewhat like my update schedule, it only works every six months."

• • Also during his Superman 64 LP, after completing the 1st level of the Gameboy game: "Thanks for hanging around for the first stage. See you again in 2 months when we do stage two."
• Leap of Faith: He's made his fair share of these. It even became one of his catchphrases.
• Lemony Narrator: In the 4-player Battletoads race, the achievements start doing this, especially in the later stages:
  • After Jake^[5] gets stuck on Karnath's Lair for an entire video, Jon remembers an easier way to beat the stage and tells Jake, who berates Jon for not telling him sooner. This earns Jon the achievement "My Bad...: Should've said that sooner".
  • Late in the race, Jake turns out to have been ignorant of the fact that Battletoads has a 2-player mode. This earns him the achievement "That Other Health Bar?: Totally there for looks".
  • In Level 12, Patrick^[6] is killed over and over by a cloud enemy. Jon proceeds to kill it on his first try and brag about it, earning him the achievement "Wow: This guy sounds like a dick".
• Let's Play
• Load-Bearing Boss: Mentioned by name during his LP of Super Mario TKO.
• Missing Episode: His six-part LP of stage 3 from Enigmatic Mario, the second SMW romhack he did, was deleted from YouTube because they muted the audio. It can still be found there, because several people have uploaded mirror copies.
  • A lot of his old collaboration and challenge videos, which were never uploaded to YouTube in the first place, can be found on Google Video.
  • With rumours that Google Video is going to purge their archive, he finally began uploading some of these older videos, and he started off with a bang.
• Mushroom Samba: Three Words: What Is Love?
• My God, What Have I Done?: A non-angst filled example, he does however regret inspiring people to go out and get their hands on Superman 64
• Nintendo Hard: His NES LPs.
• No Except Yes: Getting damaged by a flying Cheep-Cheep in Mario's Wacky World:

"THAT did not help! ..Maybe it did."

• Old Shame: His first LP, of Kirby Super Star. He only uploaded the first part, Spring Breeze, to YouTube and refuses to upload the rest, though others have in his stead.
  • Despair not; the rest of the LP is up on the Let's Play Archive.
  • His old catchphrases also qualify; he's repeatedly said he hates it when people reference his old stuff.
    • Which is likely why the other Runaway Guys do it constantly.
• One of Us: This tweet confirms it.
  • "TV Tropes just kinda had a heart attack."
  • "So, can I put this on my TV tropes page?"
• Percussive Therapy: Jon hammering the save state key in frustration whilst playing Kaizo Mario.

"STATE SAVED!....STATE SAVED!....STATE SAVED!..."

• Pet Peeve Trope: In-Universe example; oh, how Jon hates invisible coin blocks. He considers them Fake Difficulty, as most of the time they're used for traps that can't be avoided unless Jon already falls into them. Yet, he keeps seeing this on a regular basis.
• Platform Hell: Kaizo, of course. Many of the other romhacks he plays also try for this, with varying degrees of success.
• A Rare Sentence: In the first part of Superman 64's Stage 6: "Oh no, I pushed him through the wrong part of the floor! ...Never thought I'd say THAT."
  • In the second part: "Is that forklift humping that robot?!" Which cues a "Never Thought I'd Say That" counter.
• Save Scumming
• Schedule Slip: Ever since he graduated from university in mid-2008, his updates have been erratic at best. He eventually declared the longest of these hiccups (summer 2009 to spring 2010) to be a full-fledged hiatus.
• Schmuck Bait: During the "Bad Place Mario" romhack, one of the levels is labeled "Don't Go Here." He immediately goes there. It sends him instantly tumbling into the pit, making him lose a life. "Fine. I won't go there."
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: About a third of the way through Act 5 of Ninja Gaiden 2, Jon quits for a few minutes, and Ryu replaces him with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
• Self-Deprecation
  • "My NES is like my update schedule; it only works once every six months."
  • After singing something: "I'm pretty sure I'm about to be arrested by the SPCA for killing cats."
  • Before The Runaway Guys' Thrown Controllers panel at PAX: "Welcome to the biggest trainwreck in history."^[7]
• Shown Their Work: His Superman 64 LP has much more sophisticated editing than usual, not to mention the detailed trivia and history sections throughout each video. Case-in-point: episode 5.
• Shout-Out: Each Superman 64 ring stage clip ends with a screen tallying up the rings Superman has flown through, with the Sonic the Hedgehog theme playing as a Take That.
  • The insert of the 24 counter.
  • "This is hurting my throat like crap. Metal Gear?!"
  • "Screw the rules, I have money!"
  • "Go for broke!"
  • "Samus Is a Girl WHAT"
  • "Now we're thinking with portals" He says it again at 5:12.
  • "I'm Ron Burgundy."
• So Proud of You: Pwning Ridley with super bombs:

"MOAR EXPLOSIONS! Michael Bay would be proud of me!"

• Stop Helping Me!: "Carmen Sandiego", aka Helper #3 in the Deal Or No Deal LP. Protonjon and Kelekin continually poke fun at 'her' dumb advice.

"You can't go lower, Carmen, You CAN'T GO LOWER!!"
"You are useless, Carmen!"

• Sturgeon's Law: Many of the hacks he's asked to play fall under this.
• Tactical Rock-Paper-Scissors: In one of Superman 64's many, many glitches, he demonstrates that an innocent bystander seems to be completely impervious to Superman's attacks, including when he throws an exploding crate at her, but immediately keels over if she's even grazed by a Dark Shadow attack.
• The Tape Didn't Know You Would Say That:

"Oh, hi! I didn't see you come in. Probably because this is pre-recorded."

• This Is Sparta: "MOVE FASTER POKEY!" has been subject to a few Sparta remixes - the most popular of which was actually taken down due to Creator Backlash.
• Two Lines, No Waiting: During Stage 5 of Superman 64, he essentially interrupted the game (though you could still see him playing it in the picture-in-picture) to do a full LP of the Game Boy version of Superman, returning afterwards to show all the glitches he missed.
• Prize Letdown: Jon and his roommate created a custom prize list for their Deal or No Deal PC game. Nearly everything on the list was an Prize Letdown-- top contenders are "Hepatitis A-G", "Wet Cardboard Box", and "A Golden Shower from R. Kelly". Other gems include a year's supply of calendar, Howie Mandel's haircut, and "1337 5P34K 13550N5".
  • And the top prize is a copy of the Deal or No Deal PC game, which Jon covets because otherwise he'll never know what it's like to play.
• Verbal Tic: He calls these "word of the week", because they change over time. In the specific LP where he mentions this, the tics are "boogie" and "EXTREEEME!", as he himself points out.
• Very False Advertising: "This means today is the SAMUS ARAN BOMBING POWER HOUR. ...Even though it's only 10 minutes."
• Visual Innuendo: In "Mario's Early Years," he and Kelekin notice that one stage puts a "Box" in a... very inopportune location on Princess Peach's body. They fall apart laughing.
• Wasn't That Fun?: After the end of Kaizo World Special Stage 2: "THERE! I GOT PISSED! YA HAPPY?! ...Well, that was fun. I wonder what the next stage is like? :D"
• Weaksauce Weakness: "Apparently he's found my one weakness: simple jumps."
• What Do You Mean It's Not Awesome?: One level of a Super Mario World romhack consisted of nothing but sliding down a few slopes... which Jon happened to play while the Super Smash Bros Brawl remix of "Gourmet Race" blared on in the background. "SO FUCKING METAL!"
• Waxing Lyrical:
  • "Let's do the time warp again. This time with feeling."
  • (upon seeing "chocolate" lava) "Uh... chocolate death. Chocolate rain. Some stay dry, and others feel the pain."
  • "It's the eye of the tiger, it's the cream of the fight. Rising up to the challenge of our rivals."
• What Would X Do?: While battling the Masked Devil in Ninja Gaiden (NES):

"There was a really good strategy someone showed me once. ..It was so good I forgot it."

• With Lyrics: "#This is the cas-tle... A FUCKING HARD ONE..."
• Word Salad Lyrics: His (surprisingly catchy) improvised lyrics to "Reptilia" by The Strokes:

♪ Come on, come on, now / Let's keep moving now / Why is this so slow / Don't make me fast-forward / Because it really sucks / Can I jump over here / No I prob'ly can't / Goodbye Yoshi, I hate you / AH I GOTTA RUN / Didn't make it in time / Rewind space-time ♪
♪ Wish these lyrics would be on the screen so I'd know them / I - hate - make-ing - up - stuff / because my voice goes outta tune ♪

• You Fail Logic Forever: Who else but Xanaboy?

"I'm sorry if this is news to you, but 111 is more than 84. I may have blown your mind. I'm sorry."

1. ↑ whenever Jon has a episode to upload
2. ↑ four-player race-to-the-finish versus Nintendo Capri Sun, Pcull44444 and Super Jeenius
3. ↑ Featuring Chuggaaconroy and NintendoCapriSun
4. ↑ such as the time he tried to fire a homing pigeon in midair, only for it to blow him up, or use a Chargin' Chuck as a springboard to help clear a gap, only to fail over and over again
5. ↑ SuperJeenius
6. ↑ PCULL
7. ↑ Jon has a way of Tempting Fate when the Guys are involved, and true to form, the panel was plagued by technical issues (including Jon's computer almost giving up) that also sent it way over time.