Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Kate Paltrow (1972–) is an American Oscar-winning crazy actress, fashion guru, and wholehearted promoter of an expansive range of nutty pseudosciences (usually alternative medicine and beauty products). She owns/runs the website Goop.com (named for her initials[2]), which pushes the exact same bullshit (but has extra writers).

Dolphins and money
New Age
Cosmic concepts
Spiritual selections
v - t - e
Against allopathy
Alternative medicine
Clinically unproven
v - t - e
“”She does, admittedly, receive a lot of criticism, but is that really fair? After all, she's actually doing remarkably well for someone who was stranded here after travelling from an alternative dimension where the language, social norms and even the laws of nature are completely different. Because that's the most logical explanation for the stuff she regularly says and does.
—Dean Burnett[1]

(Lack of) expertise
“”Paltrow is the perfect symbol of popular culture in our world right now. Providing advice is part of her brand. [....] [S]he really seems to believe it, it's not just some kind of marketing ploy. I think she should be held to a standard and that standard should be science. But (her advice) is complete bunk. I dug and I dug and I dug – there is nothing to support it.
—Timothy Caulfield (author of a 3-year-long review of Paltrow's mouth-spew, Is Gwyneth Paltrow Wrong About Everything?)[3][4]

Does Paltrow have any scientific education to back up her claims?

Nope! After attending the uber-wealthy Spence School,File:Wikipedia's W.svg[5] Paltrow briefly "[s]tudied anthropology at the University of California at Santa Barbara, before dropping out to pursue her acting career."[6] And thus ends Paltrow's expertise in medicine.

Pseudoscience pushing
“”Nourish the Inner Aspect
—Goop's slogan, feel-good but meaningless[2]

List of woo that Paltrow or Goop has promoted:

  • Vaginal steaming: Yes, you read that correctly.[4][7][8][9][10]
  • Colonics, including a $135 coffee enema called "The Implant O'Rama"[11][12][13]
  • Putting a jade or rose quartz egg up the vagina. This can get infections into the vagina and cause potentially fatal toxic shock.[14][15][16] In 2018, Goop agreed to pay $145,000 for making false claims regarding the eggs in a settlement with California state prosecutors; the false claim had stated, "increase vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance, and feminine energy in general".[17] Suckers Consumers who bought the eggs are also entitled to full refunds.[17]
  • Psychological astrology: Don't know why you're an idiot? Blame the planets, and then you'll be sure.[18]
  • Pissing in the shower (for health reasons): Again, you read that correctly.[7][19]
  • Apitherapy: Specifically, deliberately getting bees to sting oneself.[1][20]
  • Yawning correctly (for health reasons)![7][21]
  • Science doesn't know everything:
  • Goop is happy to report that one of their suppliers, Anthony, "gets his information from "Spirit"—not from medical textbooks or studies".[22][note 1]
  • Moreover, Goop claims that scientists are indoctrinated against alternative medicine and other ways of knowing.[23] While certainly not "indoctrinated", scientists are trained in critical thinking and the scientific method — precisely the skillset that Gwyneth & Co lack and the exact lack of which allows them to accept their own current beliefs in the first place.

Hypocrisy

In case you were wondering:

  • Paltrow "smoke[s] one cigarette a week".[36] Those toxins sure are nasty, aren't they?
  • Paltrow simultaneously sells aluminum-containing products, and claims that aluminum is "one of the greatest threats to our health and well-being".[37]

In touch with the people
“”I am who I am. I can't pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.
—Gwyneth (and it's all thanks to those auradiagnostic woo products goin' like Evian in Death Valley!)[38]

Paltrow's take on the human experience obviously has nothing to do with the (in)validity of her favored products. However, since Paltrow often promotes these products as part of her "lifestyle" brand (and thus ties these products to her own success), it's perhaps worth mentioning that Paltrow is hardly a down-to-earth angel, commenting (in a veritable orgasm of relatability):[39]

When you go to Paris and your concierge sends you to some restaurant because they get a kickback, it’s like, 'No. Where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris?'

"I know, right?!"

Nugget of good
See the main article on this topic: Stopped clock

Paltrow starred in Contagion, a movie that portrays scientists as hardworking, goodhearted people and portrays alternative-medicine pushers as moneygrubbers. In other words, it rebuffs precisely the kind of woo that Paltrow promotes.

gollark: Perhaps we need an unmonad.
gollark: But, see, it's clunkier than just writing operations backwards.
gollark: un-do notation should be available in HasKell.
gollark: Try learning Rust instead!!!!!!
gollark: Use ~~Rust~~ COBOL (is this allowed?)

See also

Notes
  1. (Perhaps God really does move in mysterious ways -- but instead of writing Bibles, he's busy helping you learn the secrets of the universe for only $19.99.)
  2. Get it?

References
  1. Gwyneth Paltrow's bee sting beauty treatment just won't fly, The Guardian
  2. Martha, Oprah ... Gwyneth?, New York Times
  3. Is Gwyneth Paltrow wrong about everything?, Glamour Magazine
  4. Gwyneth Paltrow celebrity health tips leaves scientist steaming, The Australian
  5. Gwyneth Paltrow: Why do so many people hate on her?, Entertainment Magazine
  6. Famous Alumni Directory, myplan.com
  7. Gywneth Paltrow's Goop: Worst advice from the eccentric lifestyle website, The Independent
  8. Snake Oil Alert: Why Gwyneth Paltrow Gets Her Vagina Steam-Cleaned, and Why You Probably Shouldn’t, by Friendly Atheist, Patheos
  9. Vaginal Steaming Is a "Must" For Gwyneth Paltrow, But Not for Everyone, Redbook
  10. Gwynnie Is No Gyno. Link broken.
  11. The Nuts and Bolts of Colonics Goop
  12. The Implant O'Rama website
  13. What Is A Coffee Enema? Goop Is Facing Backlash For Linking To This Potentially Dangerous Cleanse by Brandi Neal (January 6, 2017) Bustle.
  14. Uh-Oh! Gwyneth Paltrow Is Dispensing Terrible Vagina Advice Again!, by Friendly Atheist, Patheos
  15. They got rocks in their hoo-ha, Pharyngula
  16. Gwyneth Paltrow sells a jade vagina egg, Why Evolution Is True
  17. Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop touted the ‘benefits’ of putting a jade egg in your vagina. Now it must pay by Amy B Wang (September 5 at 3:36 PM) The Washington Post.
  18. A Psychologist Astrologer on Using Your Sun Sign to Navigate Conflict, Goop
  19. The Secrets of the Pelvic Floor, Goop
  20. Gwyneth Paltrow Has Been Stung by Bees, for Beauty, The Cut
  21. Why Yawning is Important—And How to Optimize the Reflex, Goop
  22. A Heavy Metal Detox, Goop
  23. The Medical Medium—and What’s Potentially at the Root of Medical Mysteries, Goop
  24. The New Secret Beauty Formula: Intention, Goop
  25. How Gwyneth Paltrow Likes to Travel, New York Times
  26. Could There Possibly Be a Link Between Underwire Bras and Breast Cancer??, Goop
  27. Goop Mag 16, Goop
  28. The New Secret Beauty Formula: Intention, Goop
  29. The Goop-iest Goop That Ever Gooped: Skincare Products Nurtured with Chants and Music, Slate
  30. Gwyneth Paltrow Claims Water Has Feelings in Weird New Blog Post, Stylecaster
  31. Gwyneth Paltrow: Yelling at water hurts its feelings, Stuff
  32. Gwyneth Paltrow Now Sells GOOP Colon Cleanses
  33. Gwyneth Paltrow and Goop's latest health fad was so bad that NASA got involved, Business Insider
  34. Spirit Truffles, Goop
  35. Listing for Spirit Dust. Note that it sells for 38 fucking dollars.
  36. 'I smoke one cigarette a week': Gwyneth Paltrow the health fanatic reveals her vice... and vows to NEVER get Botox again, Daily Mail
  37. Gwyneth Paltrow Sells 'Toxic' Goop With Ingredients She Says Are Dangerous, Forbes
  38. THE GIRL WHO FELL TO EARTH, New York Post
  39. Gwyneth Paltrow’s 25 Most Pretentious Quotes, Stylecaster
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