The Prayer Warriors

"I am Jerry and I am a prayer warrior. I am a servent of the lord and will do anything to get rid of evil Gods. Lately the Satanic leader Percy Jackson has taken over much of the land, along with his Satanic Army and his girlfriend whore. She has sex with other people just to get Satanic money."

—The first paragraph of The Evil Gods I (ignoring the author's note and random biblical quote). It Got Worse after that.

The Prayer Warriors is a series of fanfics written by Thomas Brown, known as BelieverInChrist, and his cousin Ebony Brown.

The plot has the titular heroes trying to purify the worlds they're on, whether by converting them or killing them because they're Satanic. However, they also face dangers along the way, whether by facing off against other Gods or other powerful beings.

So far, seven stories of The Prayer Warriors have been written:

• The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods Part One, where it focuses on the world of Percy Jackson and The Olympians.
• The Prayer Warriors: Battle With the Witches, where it focuses on the world of Harry Potter. (NOTE: the reposting is incomplete.)
• The Prayer Warriors: Threat of Satanic Commonism, focusing back on the Percy Jackson characters with a little World War I thrown in there.
• The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods Part Two, co-written by Thomas Brown and his cousin Ebony Brown with a surprise guest appearance by Noah (surprisingly better than the other stories...at least when Ebony is writing).
• The Prayer Warriors: Attack of the Sphinx, which focuses on The Kane Chronicles. Co-story with The Titans Strike Back.
• The Prayer Warriors: The Titans Strike Back, which returns to Harry Potter. Co-story with Attack of the Sphinx.
• The Prayer Ponies: Friendship Is Through Jesus, a spin-off written by Ebony Brown, focusing on My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic. Decidedly less disturbing than Thomas' fics.
• The Player Worriers: God is Dead & Jesus is a Brat, a parody written by Noah after hijacking Thomas' account.

The Prayer Warriors has also spawned several copy-cat fanfics:

• The Prayer Warriors: The Wrath of the Crusaders, a Hunger Game fanfic.
• The Prayer Warriors: The War Aganist Satanism, a Hetalia fanfic.
• The Prayer Warriors: A Kingdom Under Shadow a Star Wars fanfic. This is most likely a reference to Thomas Brown's "lost" fanfic under the same name.
• The Prayer Warriors: Born This Way, a Twilight fanfic. It's written in the same style as My Immortal.

You can see the Author's page, which Noah has now hijacked, here and his cousin's page here. Thomas Brown also has a Twitter, but he hasn't tweeted in a long time. Arcadiarika has liveblogged Thomas' six stories after saying on the third and fourth liveblogs that she's done reviewing the entire series; you can read them here, here, here, here, and here. BookObsesserNumberOne has written commentaries on these fanfics; you can read them here and here. Taylor Ashmere has liveblogged Ebony Brown's Prayer Ponies; you can read it here

Compare Harry Potter turns to the Lord and Starkit's Prophecy. Contrast My Immortal, Naruto Veangance Revelaitons, (both of which could be considered this fic's Mirror Universe counterparts) and Gurren Jesus.

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Tropes used in The Prayer Warriors include:

General

• A Million Is a Statistic: The Prayer Warriors routinely curb stomp entire armies and destroy buildings with large groups of people in them (a coliseum, the Taj Mahal) without even so much as a thought.
• Aggressive Categorism: Jerry's brand of Christians are the One True Religion, all other religions are satanic.
  • Men superior, women inferior.
• All Crimes Are Equal: And the punishment is almost always death. Jerry even says that if a starving child steals some food, one should cut his/her hands off.
• Altum Videtur: Those that can read his Latin often say it's a Blind Idiot Translation. For an example, he says "Ego vere fidelis in cuniculis" to prove that he speaks Latin. It means something like "I truly trustworthy in burrows."
• Exclusively Evil: The villains, as well as Always Stupid Evil
• And That's Terrible
• Anticlimax: MANY, largely thanks to Plot Holes or Writer Cop Outs
• Art Evolution: As the author (assuming he's not a troll) becomes more and more unhinged, the stories become more and more disturbing. The characters - who are already Ax Crazy - become more and more spiteful and sadistic (such as defiling bodies by urinating on them, hoping Molly Weasley will miscarry, and cackling about sending people to Hell) In Battle With the Witches, curses were introduced, and a few F-Bombs were even dropped. Finally, in Threat of Satanic Commonism, the Beige Prose beheadings were replaced with graphic depictions of the Prayer Warriors mutilating their opponents in cold blood
• Art Shift: Chapters co-written by Noah are much easier to read, and even offer some potential character development. The chapters of The Evil Gods II that were written by Ebony read like a real fanfic.
• Artistic License Religion: Our heroes are every negative stereotype of Christianity ever, ramped Up to Eleven. Remember that whole "Forigve Thy Neighbor" and "Thou Shalt Not Kill" thing Jesus loved to talk about so much? Well acording to the author it apparently translates to "Murder Everyone Who Believes Anything Even Slightly Different In The Most Barbaric Fashion Imaginable."
  • Also, Satanism and atheism are apparently the same thing.
• As the Good Book Says...: There's a lot of Bible quotes, especially in the beginning of The Evil Gods I. Most of them are Meaningless Meaningful Words
• Author Filibuster
• Ax Crazy: The Prayer Warriors in general.
• Beige Prose
• Black and White Morality
• Category Traitor: As a sort of meta conflict, Thomas turns on his own brother Noah for "associating with Satanists" (which probably means Noah wasn't an utter asshat to people who disagreed with his worldview). He later has Noah killed in effigy in Battle With the Witches.
• Creator Breakdown: Starting from the beginning in The Evil Gods I on.
• Cruel and Unusual Death: Happens to anyone in the Prayer Warriors' way.
• Curb Stomp Battle: The Prayer Warriors always deliver one against the villains.
• Cute and Psycho: Ebony (the character that is, not Thomas' cousin). She's beautiful and dresses conservatively...and way too eager to kill heathens and send them to hell. She also wants to nuke California because there are too many homosexuals living there.
• Death Is Cheap: Thanks to plot holes, people suddenly come back from dead. Grover is the worst offender.
• Depraved Homosexual: Pretty much any gay person, or so we're told.
• Demonization: Anybody the author doesn't like, including real people - like the author's own brother.
  • At one point, one of the heroes says it's okay to kill atheists because they're actual demons in disguise!
• Disproportionate Retribution: Are you a non-Christian? Are you gay or in a bisexual relationship? You get either stoned to death or beheaded. And if you're a representation of someone Thomas doesn't like, your fate can get worse.
• Double Standard: Females in general are placed considerably lower than males in society throughout the series.
  • It's a terrible sin to kill a Christian, but atheists and heathens? It's a sin NOT to kill them!
• Easy Evangelism: Sometimes, nobody has to do anything to convert somebody.
• Easy Road to Hell: All you have to do is disagree with the author. On anything.
• Follow the Leader: To My Immortal, not helping its case due to the sheer number of similarities this series has to the fanfic. Word of God states that all those references were done unintentionally.
• For the Evulz: The only reason the Satanists do anything.
• The Fundamentalist: EVERYONE, including the villains who willingly worship "false gods" because Good Is Boring.
• Good Is Not Nice
• Good Is Living in the Bronze Age
• Gory Discretion Shot: Most of the offscreen deaths.
• Guilt-Free Extermination War
• Happiness in Slavery: All of the "good" women are perfectly happy to be kicked around by the men.
• Hate Fic
• Heteronormative Crusader
• Hollywood Satanism: Take every negative stereotype of Satanism ever, and ramp it Up to Eleven. You've got the villains in the story.
• Hypocrite: Our heroes in the worst sense of the word. Also see the Double Standard entries.
• I Call It "Vera": William has a sword called "Forgiveness" and Draco has an axe called "Peace." They mutilate people with them.
• In Name Only
• Incorruptible Pure Pureness: Our heroes.
• Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain: Almost every villain except Jupiter.
• Insane Troll Logic: The closest description we have to the utter anti-logic presented throughout this series.
• Jesus Saves: That is, if the Prayer Warriors don't kill you before He gets a chance!
• Kill the God: The Prayer Warriors do this to every non-Abrahamic god and goddess they meet.
• Lawful Stupid: The heroes
• Madonna-Whore Complex: Played Anviliciously and nauseatingly straight.
• Missing Episode: According to the author's profile, and mentioned a certain points in his fanfics, Thomas Brown was going to write fanfic titled The Prayer Warriors: Kingdom Under Shadow. It was going to be a Star Wars fanfic, but so far the author has not publish anything under this name.
• Moral Dissonance: The heroes are fond of denouncing something, and then doing that exact thing a moment later. Like saying Science Is Bad, and then using chemistry to kill poisonous plants.
• Murder Is the Best Solution
• Off with His Head: Jerry's main method of killing besides stoning people to death.
• Offstage Villainy: Very rarely do the villains do anything evil in front of our faces. The worst example is when they claimed to be behind both World Wars, but never even explained how they did it.
  • The only exception is Jupiter, which ironically is the only character that never gets punished for his evil deeds.
• Our Nudity Is Different: Ladies baring their legs is a no-no.
• Out of Character: Every canon character
• Pay Evil Unto Evil: In disturbing quantities.
• Plot Hole: Tons of them throughout the series. Let's just say that they're not known for consistency.
• Poe's Law: It's really hard to tell if this is a Troll Fic or not. The author denies being a troll repeatedly (but then again, so do most trolls), and there's a lot of people who also claim he's not. But there are so many over-the-top, offensive Christian and conservative stereotypes, funny misspellings, and obvious Critical Research Failures, that it's hard NOT to believe he's a troll. The My Immortal parallels in Battle With the Witches doesn't help.
  • The writer cites Conservapedia with apparent seriousness, which suggests he's either a troll or profoundly ignorant.
• Prayer of Malice: One of Jerry's methods of offing his enemies, when he's not throwing rocks at them or cutting their heads off.
• Principles Zealot
• Protagonist-Centered Morality
• Religion of Evil: All of the non-Christians.
• Rouge Angles of Satin
• Sex Is Evil: Anviliciously stated in almost every fic.
• Sexy Discretion Shot: If there is any sex, the author skips over it because he doesn't want anybody getting "an organism."
• Stay in the Kitchen: How women are generally regarded throughout the fic.
• Stop Being Stereotypical: Most of the reviews for this fic.
• Straw Character: ALL of the villains are just there to be "wrong" and "satanic" and to either die horribly at the hands of the Prayer Warriors or (much less often) to convert to their cause. These fics could be called, "The War On Straw: The Fanfic Series"
• Take That, Critics!: In Battle With the Witches and Threat of Satanic Commonism, the Prayer Warriors sometimes fight--and win—against representations of the people who badmouthed the fics.
• Tautological Templar: The main heroes, to levels that would even sicken and/or scare the hell out of Jack Chick.
• That Makes Me Feel Angry
• Troll Fic: Like Naruto Veangance Revelaitons, nobody really knows, but as the line gets crossed more and more, the My Immortal Shout Outs become more frequent, and the plot becomes increasingly convoluted, the chance of BelieverInChrist being a troll rises significantly.
• What Do You Mean It's Not Heinous?
• With Us or Against Us: There are only two "hats" in this world: White or Black. Neutrals and innocent bystanders do not exist in this world, so don't try asking for any other shade. If you choose the Black hat, the Prayer Warriors will kill or enslave you. If you choose the White one, the Prayer Warriors will spare you, but you will have to live under their harsh rule. If you have any qualms about this, you will be immediately branded a "Satanist" and the Black hat will be shoved on your head, marking you for extermination. Your only choice after this is to beg for mercy or accept death. Many times the former does not work.
• Would Decapitate a Girl

The Evil Gods I

• Anticlimax: Percy suddenly deciding to convert instead of finishing Jerry off, and our heroes killing Hades instantly by praying.
• Bury Your Gays: The heroes murder two lesbians in Aphrodite's temple.
• Dirty Coward: What does Jerry do when the bad guys accidentally tell him that The Mole is going to kill him? Run and hide in the next town, leaving his friends and pregnant wife behind to potentially get killed instead.
• Double Standard: Good Girls Avoid Abortion, because aborting a fetus is wrong. Except in Osama Bin Laden's case, as his mother should have aborted him. Also, it's perfectly okay to "abort" innocent adults and teenagers, especially if they're not Christian.
• Good Girls Avoid Abortion: Naturally, Mary does this when she decides not to keep her baby.
• Gratuitous Rape: The random rape scene in a god's temple.
• Honor-Related Abuse: When Jerry is told that Mary cheated on him with Percy, he immediately kills her without even considering if it might be true or not.
• "It's Not Rape If You Enjoyed It": The heroes come across a girl being raped while steamrolling across Camp Half-Blood. She's screaming, which means she isn't enjoying it–which is lucky for her, or else she would have been convicted of adultery and stoned to death.
• No Except Yes: From Chapter 1: "I and her are not dating, if you Satanic scum think that there is something Satanic going on. We are dating, but we are not having Sex until we get married."
• Ten Little Murder Victims: After shooing away Percy, Jerry realizes there's a mole in his midst and goes searching for it...when he's not screwing around, that is.

The Battle with the Witches

• An Offer You Can't Refuse: Voldemort tells Draco to kill Michael, or he'll kill Ebony. This is never touched upon again.
• Anticlimax: Dumbledore is thrown out of a window, and Harry is struck by a Bolt of Divine Retribution.
• Beard of Evil: Apparently, we can tell Dumbledore is evil just from looking at his beard.
• Double Standard: It's repeatedly stated throughout that women being whores aren't good, but Ebony, as she's a Prayer Warrior, has to sleep with Harry Potter in order to get a key is a-OK!
• Everything Sounds More Satanic In French: French is branded as a "Satanic language."
• Gory Discretion Shot: Ginny and Harry's offscreen deaths.
• IKEA Erotica: The one time a Sexy Discretion Shot was not used, we got this. It's largely thanks to Unusual Euphemisms like "peeling the skin of an onion."
• Karma Houdini: Nothing happens to Voldemort. Probably because everyone forgot about him.
• La Résistance: The band of "secret Christians" within Hogwarts in Battle With the Witches.
• Leave No Witnesses: After Ebony kills Harry offscreen, she kills Ron for finding his body.
• Tempting Fate: At the end, Harry dares Michael to have God strike him with lightning. Naturally, this happens.
• What the Hell, Hero?: Draco actually objects to having Ebony sent to get Harry's key.

Threat of Satanic Commonism

• Anachronism Stew: The constant anachronistic battle scenes that seem like bastardized versions of The Iliad and The Odyssey tend to induce this. Chariots and bronze breastplates are apparently standard military issue... in 1917 Russia. For even more weirdness, at one point, Clarisse tries to get a fallen Soviet's weapon "because he had a good gun".^[1]
• Anticlimax: Mary points a gun to Lennon at the end of Chapter 11. Chapter 12 picks up with the Prayer Warriors burning the coliseum to the ground, revealing then and there that Lennon was killed.
• Artistic License History: Apparently, Soviet Russia was ruled by John Lennon.
• Dirty Commonists
• Gender Flip: Rika and Books are presented as male.
• Gratuitous Rape: The extremely pointless scene where a rapist comes right the fuck out of nowhere.
• Heel Face Turn: Josef Stalin, of all people! After being beaten by the Prayer Warriors in Threat of Satanic Commonism, he decides Being Evil Sucks, and that he will allow complete freedom of religion. The Prayer Warriors kill him anyway, as they don't like that idea.
• Hitler's Time Travel Exemption Act: Averted. The Prayer Warriors get rid of both Lennon-er, Lenin AND Stalin.
• Honor-Related Abuse: A man comes out of nowhere and suddenly rapes Ebony. Percy kills her because she is Defiled Forever. Of course, this death doesn't stick, making the whole scene pointless.
• "I Know You're in There Somewhere" Fight: Jerry vs. a Stalin-controlled Grover.
• Just Trying to Help: Stalin's last words.
• No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Rika delivers one to Jerry before he gets killed. Bizarre, considering that all other representations and villains get the opposite treatment.
  • At least, we assume that's what happened. For some reason, the whole battle with Rika is in complete gibberish.
• Take That, Critics!: This fic is especially bad about it, because it has Benry killed twice, then Idiosy, and it includes two new representations: those of BookObsesserNumberOne, there called "Books", and the aforementioned Arcadiarika, there called "Rika". What's even weirder about this is that Rika is the only character who doesn't suffer a quick death, ending up killed at the end of Chapter 16.
• Voodoo Shark: Toward the end, the author attempts to explain the reason that Grover keeps coming back: scientists keep cloning him. Of course, the reason why the other characters also come back remains a mystery.
• X Meets Y: Satanic Commonism: Jack's Iliad of Singularity.
• Your Head Asplode: When Benry is shot in the head with a sniper rifle, his "head blows up and blood goes everywhere."

The Evil Gods II

• Artistic License History: Socrates and Euripides were apparently Roman Gods...despite being Greek mortals.
• Chapter Titles Always Lie: Chapter 10 is called "Piper and Jerry goes to Washington DC to Find out Who the Tractor is and Defeat them Once and for All so they would not terrorized by them ever again for as long as God allows Time to go on For." The only thing that actually happens is the Prayer Warriors going to Washing Dick - I mean, Washington D.C.
• Cold-Blooded Torture: Jupiter does this to the captured Prayer Warriors.
• "Find Out Next Time!": At the very end, someone admits to being The Mole. After scrolling down the page, we get this.
• Holy Burns Evil: Jason chases away the vampire by flashing a cross at her.
• I Lied: A dying Roman goddess tells an unknown Prayer Warrior where Jupiter went to if they'll forgive her. After she dies...the Prayer Warrior reveals this trope and cackles with glee that she's going to Hell. Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen!
• I Love the Dead: Jupiter.
• Laser-Guided Karma: In Noah's bonus chapter, the Prayer Warriors are arrested for all the murders they committed, and Ebony is arrested for bigamy. Percy and Draco Malfoy were placed in a mental asylum, as it was revealed that they were brainwashed by the Prayer Warriors.
• Missing Episode: Noah's bonus chapter. Until Arcadiarika, during her liveblog, reposted everything from that bonus chapter.
• Playing Possum: After being struck by a Bolt of Divine Retribution, Jupiter seems to be dead. As the heroes come over to gloat, he suddenly gets up, kills Percy, and escapes.
• Quest for Identity: Jason
• Random Events Plot: The parts written by Thomas are completely disjointed and confusing. And pointless.
• Ten Little Murder Victims: Thelia believes that a tractor-er, traitor among the camp has been selling the rest of them out to Satan.
• Unsound Effect:

"Evil laugh!" said the vampire.

• Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: The vampire.

The Titans Strike Back

• Back from the Dead: Harry and Dumbledore are revived...as shown in an exposition.
• Sudden Sequel Death Syndrome: Jerry/Jeremy of all people! This probably won't stick, of course...
• With Us or Against Us: Invoked by Draco when he had cornered a titan on a ship. He immediately threatens to kill anyone who doesn't go along with his plan.

The Prayer Ponies

• Bad Dreams: The reason Pinkie Pie converts.
• Bolt of Divine Retribution: Spike is struck by one of these, but lives. He immediately converts.
• Climbing the Cliffs of Insanity: Fluttershy does this in Chapter 6 in order to prove herself to the other ponies.
• Dead Fic: Ebony announced in an author's note in The Evil Gods II that she will not be continuing The Prayer Ponies.
• Did Not Do the Research: Ebony appears to have only done the most minimal research on My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic. For starters, the "mark on their butts" are called Cutie Marks, but she doesn't seem to know the term exists. Worse yet, Princess Celestia's name is constantly misspelt as "Celestica", and Rainbow Dash is apparently a boy.
• Holy Burns Evil: Charity-Sue banishes the evil trees by praying.
• One-Winged Angel: Princess Celestia suddenly gains a demonic form when Jesus is mentioned.
• When Trees Attack: Twilight Sparkle and Charity-Sue get banished to a forest filled with demonic trees.

1. ↑ a Call of Duty reference?