The Hill of Swords

The Hill of Swords is a completed crossover fic between Fate Stay Night and Zero no Tsukaima by Gabriel Blessing, wherein Louise summons Shirou EMIya (partial caps intended) as her Familiar.

Afterwards, the events begins to roll the same way than in the novels of Familiar of Zero, but with an important twist: the summoned Shirou is from after a hybrid Fate/Unlimited Blade Works route and is very well on his way to become his future Anti-Hero self. Broken, bitter and cynical, Shirou will search for the blond swordwoman on the hill of swords...

A well written piece of Fan Fiction that ends up quite a bit more serious than the original Zero no Tsukaima. The dynamic between Shirou and Louise is beautifully displayed, and those who disliked the harem dynamics of Zero no Tsukaima will be glad to know that pretty much all of that's been cut out, except for the Rule of Funny.

Note well: as is the case with Gabriel Blessing's following major work, this fic is very Love It or Hate It: its Fandom will gush over it and explain (in great detail) why they enjoy it, while its Hatedom will go to similarly great lengths in justifying their dislike of it. Please recite the MST3K Mantra before reading.

This Fanfic is regarded as having revived the concept of "Let's have Louise summon a totally different person than Saito!"

See Fate Stay Night and Zero no Tsukaima for the tropes of those respective universes. And see In Flight for Gabriel Blessing's other work.

Tropes used in The Hill of Swords include:

"Your boot is unlaced?" the sword asked me, its voice incredulous. "You show me magic so powerful that it recreated existence, and blades so strong that they're leaving me feeling a little inadequate, and at the end of it all you tell her her boot is unlaced?"

  • Ax Crazy: Shirou has a brief, hilarious moment of this in chapter 17. See Rage Against the Heavens below.
  • Back from the Dead: Shirou. Much to his anger.
  • Badass: Shirou, obviously. Although, contrary to what the first few chapters indicate, he is not the biggest badass around. (Certainly in the top five, though.)
    • When compared to Saito, who had his moments, Shirou is a full-time Badass.
    • Here's Guiche's take on this:

Guiche: "Truly, you are the greatest of men. How did you put it before? Badass? Is there anything you do that is not badass?"

Guiche: "I can't believe I picked a fight with him. What was I thinking, picking a fight with him? It must be my mother's fault. She must have dropped me on my head when I was a child…"

  • Badass Boast: Shirou says the following lines after casting UBW during his last fight with Myoznitnirn.

Shirou:"This is what you face now, Myoznitnirn," I told her, my own rage returning, though now it was cold. This battle had move beyond the point where it was just two foes who hated each other battling to the death. This was now a match between one who had brought an army, and one who had matched that army. "Swords are not enough to win this battle? What you face now is an unlimited number of them: peerless weapons, wielded by heroes and villains, the great and the small alike. An unlimited armory of blades stands before you."

    • And before that, he gets this gem off:

Shirou: "Walk away? Why would I do that? I'm going to walk over you, Myoznitnirn. I'm going to grind my boot into the back of your dead skull when I do so. And then I'm going to find your Master, wherever he is, and send him to join you."

"I am the bone of my sword.
Steel is my body, and fire is my blood.
I have created over a thousand blades.
Unaware of loss, Nor aware of gain.
I have withstood pain to create weapons.
Waiting for one's arrival.
I have no regrets, this is the only path.
All my life had been: Unlimited Blade Works."

In a move I stole straight from Gilgamesh, I raised my left hand in the air as I turned away, focused once more on my destination, and I snapped my fingers once. Above me the gears of my soul hung in the sky churned once with a noise like the heartbeat of god. And from the sky a rain of silver flung itself down upon my foes.

  • Berserk Button: If you hurt, or even threaten to hurt Louise or any of his friends, Shirou will make you not even let you live long enough to regret it.
  • Bittersweet Ending: In the epilogue, after many more adventures, and five summon contracts later, Shirou EMIya dies and is finally reunited with Saber while Louise begins to walk on her own path.
  • Big Brother Mentor: After some bumps along the road this is what Shirou became to Louise, among his other roles. At some point she says that he is like a strange bloodthirsty older brother. She respects his experience and knowledge and is always willing to listen to his advices, they are friendly and often tease each other. Shirou also dies at the end and Louise inherits Derflinger along with Shirou's abilities. While it's debatable if she was living in his shadow it's implied that he was a fairly famous person.
  • Black Comedy: Orcs eat babies. See this? This is baby fat.
  • Brain Bleach: Louise asks Shirou to cut her eyes out after seeing her sister acting out a sexual fantasy while calling Shirou's name.
  • Break the Cutie: As a result of the dream cycle, Louise has been witnessing the many battles Shirou fought in back on Earth in all its glory, horror, and heartache.
  • Break the Haughty: Shirou does not take Eleonore's physical abuse of Louise well, and in chapter 13, threatens to kill her if she ever attempts to do so again after demonstrating that he is both willing and more than capable of doing so.

"In the future," I spoke, my voice unconcerned, "please be advised that if you attempt to use magic against me again, I will simply kill you where you stand. Also, in regards to your failed engagement: the reason the Earl of Burgandi called it off is because you are a relentless harpy that would no doubt destroy his soul through your incessant and ruthless badgering. If you ever desire to find yourself a man I would advise you somehow manage to find a way to stop being such a heartless shrew."

    • While it succeeded in stopping the abuse, it had another, unintended effect that he really doesn't want to think about.
    • Actually this is Shirou's default course of action to all Haughties, bordering on Bright Slap, he first breaks the Haughty by either physical or psychological means, or a mix of both and them beats them into shape, turning them into Badass'
  • Casual Danger Dialog: Shirou's principle is not to talk during fights, but during his fight with Myoznitnirn, he never raised his voice speaking casually the whole fight.
  • Chef of Iron: Shirou will make a meal that will make Zelretch, the Root of the World, and the Water Spirit purr with delight, and then will go and slaughter gigantic golems protected by Forcefields with one of his Wave Motion Swords.
  • Character Development: In spades. Shirou starts out as a Knight in Sour Armor who is well on his way to becoming Archer, but slowly comes out of his shell and starts softening as the story continues, while Louise goes from the Bratty Half-Pint she was in the original series to a strong, confident young woman who is actually likable as both a character and a person.
  • Chekhov's Gun: Shirou mentions the idea of using Rule Breaker on himself in the first chapter. Guess what he uses in his final battle with Sheffield in Chapter 22?
  • Chick Magnet: Shirou, of course. As Malicorne puts it:

"Two women at once, another at the castle, and that whole inn back in the city! You just have women falling out of the sky for you!"

  • Choice of Two Weapons: Shirou qualifies as both Multi Melee Master and Multi Ranged Master, as he can trace any weapon he has ever seen, and possibly has several thousand weapons in his arsenal.
  • Cold-Blooded Torture: Shirou takes a rather disturbing delight in killing and mutilating orcs. This is mainly due to their apparent habit of raiding villages for food, however, with the food in question being human children.
  • Combat Pragmatist: While this is mainly Agnes forte, Shirou is capable of fighting this way. It helps him in defeating Myoznitnirn.
  • Covert Pervert: Louise and Siesta have become friends in this timeline, and often spend their time together reading steamy romance novels. Taken Up to Eleven with Louise's eldest sister Eleonore, who not only reads the same raunchy novels, but is also a closet masochist!
  • Corrupt the Cutie: Shirou himself believes he is a bad influence on Louise.
    • Every time Shirou goes into his Darth Shirou Mode he gains a powerful ability to corrupt and demoralize those around him, like turning Motmorancy into the tool of his vengence or almost convincing Kirche that by joining him she could wear sexy outfits and have sex-slaves.
  • Cryptic Background Reference: Shirou will occasionally make these. Some of them are familiar to Type-Moon fans, others are completely unknown.
  • Curb Stomp Duel: Guiche learned the hard way not to pick on Shirou.
  • Cuteness Proximity: Sylphid/Irukukuu doing the 'little sister routine' is so Moe that anyone who witnesses it suffers a mental overload.
  • Cuteness Overload: Pretty much anyone's mind takes a vacation when when Sylphid hits them with too much Moe at once. Not even the hardened Shirou is immune.
  • Death Seeker: Shirou, to the extent that he is actually really, really upset when he miraculously manages to survive a Heroic Sacrifice suicide charge. The reason why:

And as he stood upon the battlefields, she thought back to his oath: to be reunited with his love upon a hill of swords. To be reunited with his lover. His lover was dead. And it was only through battle that he could finally join her again. When he too was dead.

    • After being revived by Tiffania, he clearly states that at that moment, he really, REALLY, hated her.

Shirou (after being revived by Tiffania): And in that moment, I had never hated anything as fiercely as I did her.

  • Dark and Troubled Past: Shirou has been through several wars and lost all of his friends prior the story.
  • Deflector Shields: Rho Aias takes the form of a 7-layered energy shield.
  • Defeat Means Friendship: Played straight with Guiche, who seeks lessons in swordsmanship from Shirou after getting curb-stomped in their duel. A rather twisted version involving Louise's sister Eleonore could accurately be described as "Death Threat Equals Love At First Punch", as she starts carrying a torch for Shirou after he lays down the law regarding her abusive treatment of Louise.
  • Demoted to Extra: Apart from several chapters after her introduction, Tiffania has no appearances until the epilogue.
  • The Dreaded: Shirou is this to the survivors of the Battle of Saxe-Gotha.
  • Determinator: Played hilariously straight. Shirou really wants to chop that wood in Chapter 15, don't he? And you thought he was going after Tiffania especially after the end of the previous chapter.
  • Deliberate Values Dissonance: Shirou gets hit by this a few times.
  • Distant Finale
  • Distracted by the Sexy: Henrietta manages to pull this off twice in order to get away from guards after she stages her own kidnapping.
  • Dual-Wielding: Shirou prefers Kanshou & Bakuya when not wielding Derflinger.
  • Dying Alone: Initially this was how Shirou predicted he would die.

I released a long breath, the plume of frost drifting away and disbursing as I gathered my thoughts. "Some time ago, I was given a glimpse of the future that awaited me," I began. "I was shown how I would die. Since that day, I have always known that I would fall alone, against a vastly superior force, in the defense of many others, and that my final resting place would be on an empty hill, surrounded by buried swords."

"I picked a fight with him," Guiche muttered, rocking back and forth. "I can't believe I picked a fight with him. What was I thinking, picking a fight with him? It must be my mother's fault. She must have dropped me on my head when I was a child…"

    • Shirou upon seeing Kirche roasted by the elf.
    • Shirou has a serious one upon seeing from his reflection how his wardrobe changes have made him look little by little to be Archer.
  • Heroic Sociopath: Shirou can be this at times, especially during the early chapters.
  • Ho Yay: This line about Shirou and Head Chef:

'He had invited me to his room after his shift was done so we could discretely begin working on the book in privacy later that night.'

  • Hurting Hero: Shirou has been through twelve different kinds of hell since the end of F/SN, and it shows.
    • Pretty horrifying to think about considering the events of F/SN itself were hell all its own for him.
  • I'm Taking Her Home with Me: Kirche has this reaction when Louise shows her 'adorable Tsundere' side.

"I just want to steal you away!" the redhead continued, rocking back and forth as she did so. "I could dress you up in pretty clothes, and we could go shopping together, and we could go man hunting together!"

    • Shirou develops a similar sentiment in regards to Tabitha; he wants to adopt her as a little sister and give her cute dollies and ponies and pretty dresses. The thought of Tabitha having Irukukuu's character, however, outright terrifies him; that would be just too much Moe for his fragile sanity.
  • Holding Back the Phlebotinum: Excalibur.
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: Upon learning that not only is Eleanor a closet masochist, but seems to have fallen for him after he publicly threatened to murder her, he immediately tries to get himself drunk enough to forget the entire conversation in which he learned this. It doesn't work.
  • Instructional Dialogue: Shirou gives these a lot.
  • Ignore the Fanservice: Shirou, considering the number of girls who want to get in his pants and aren't afraid of showing it.
    • It speaks volumes about his ability to Ignore it when he can hold a normal conversation while Kirche's bust is latched onto the side of his head.
  • Impossibly Cool Weapon: Many of them from Shirou's wide arsenal. Caliburn / Excalibur definitely count.
  • Invocation: Trace On.
  • Insistent Terminology: Shirou insists on being called Servant rather than Familiar; after some time, even Louise starts to automatically correct people who call Shirou a familiar. Also at the end of the story, after Louise describes to her mother the fight between Shirou and Myoznitnirn, Karin starts to adamantly refer to Shirou as "Son-in-Law" – Hell will freeze over before she'll let him get away without marrying one of her daughters.
  • Jack of All Stats: Shirou deliberately doesn't specialize in any of his weapons; instead he tries to be equally skilled in using all of them.

Shirou, comparing his and Agnes' combat styles: In the end our styles were nearly exact opposites of each other: one implacable silence and focus while the other distractions and maneuvering, one the jack of all trades and the other an ace.

    • This makes his Gandalfr runes particularly Game Breaking, as they give him complete knowledge of the use of any weapon he uses (the Gandalfr runes have some resemblance to Lancelot's Knight Of Honor). Combine that with Shirou's crazy-insane aresnal and you have someone who can effortlessly switch between bow to spear to sword to shield to axe to club to scythe-on-a-chain without slowing. Just thank god Gilgamesh didn't get summoned.
  • Just Ignore It: Shirou's modus operandi when it comes to his Memetic Sex God status.

"Just try to ignore it, Louise," I advised her. It was a survival mechanism that I had become quite good at using. No, Jessica hadn't started to spread rumors of my sexual prowess. No, those imaginary rumors were not grossly exaggerated and humanly impossible. No, the other girls at the inn were not staring at me with wide eyes laden with worship and awe. No, they were not dangerously close to forming a cult.

  • Knight in Sour Armor: Shirou was well on his way to becoming Archer when Louise summoned him.
  • Like Brother and Sister: Louise has no romantic interest in Shirou, instead seeing him as an older brother figure. This reaches the point where she not only starts sleeping cuddled up to him like she does with her older sister Cattleya, but she also decides she wouldn't mind it if Shirou married said sister.
  • Lonely at the Top: Prior to the start of the story, Shirou has been pretty much abandoned by his friends.
  • Lost in Translation: The translation spell on Shirou doesn't translate things like allusions, metaphors and similes very well, causing Siesta's kinky romance novels to appear extremely disturbing when he reads them.
  • Love Potion: Beautifully deconstructed by Shirou who describes to Montmorency the possible effects of Guiche drinking her potion. Like how she would get fed up with his obsessive love and throw him out which would result in either him commiting a suicide out of despair or taking MonMon by force.
  • Love At First Death Threat: In chapter 13, after Eleanor's failed attempt to attack Shirou with magic, he informs her that any further attempts will result in her immediate and painful death, then states that the reason her engagement had recently been called off is because she's an utter bitch. Louise, the poor girl, later witnesses her in the middle of a masochistic fantasy, spanking herself while calling Shirou's name.
  • Madness Mantra: Shirou has one in Chapter 19, but he snaps out of it just in time for him to keep himself from killing Tabitha.
  • Magic Wand: What did you expect?
  • Marshmallow Hell: Shirou refers to it as the 'Kirche Maneuver'.
    • "For Louise's sister!"
    • Referred to by name in chapter 14, when he is subjected to it from both Siesta and her cousin Jessica. Lucky bastard...
    • Doubled in chapter 22, between Kirche and her mother. Not to mention that even Louise is a fellow victim.
  • Master Swordsman: Shirou, the "King of Swords".
  • Mass "Oh Crap": When Louise's mother Karin challenges Shirou to a trial by combat in chapter 13, everyone within earshot has a brief panic attack.

Everyone present who heard her declaration except herself and I flinched simultaneously. Eleanor, who had been holding a fork and knife poised over her dish ground the silverware down hard enough to crack the plate. Cattleya whom had been taking a sip of what appeared to be coffee dropped it on her lap without noticing it. The duke's hand slipped, and his elbow entered the cold remains of the simulated invasion of Albion. Louise flat out fell out of her chair. One of the maids, who had been refilling a goblet didn't notice when the cup had finished filling and started overflowing. A butler who had been carrying a tray laden with some kind of cake dropped the platter.

  • Mental World: Unlimited Blade Works is a physical representation of Shirou's soul.
  • Memetic Badass: In-Universe example. Shirou, after the battle of Saxe-Gotha. Albion's forces were so damn scared of him that during the subsequent peace talks with Tristain, their first request was that Henrietta call him off.
  • Memetic Sex God: In-Universe example, Shirou again. Due to the dream cycle, Louise witnessed the, ah, "mana recharge session" he had with Rin and Saber. Due to her actions during the Love Potion incident, there is now a kinky rumor circulating about how he's "too much man for one woman to handle". Louise helps to spread it around whenever Shirou makes a crack about her knitting, but is having some difficulty keeping her mind away from "kinky threesomes". See the entry under Naughty Tentacles.
  • Moe: This trope is used In-Universe with Sylphid, Tabitha's dragon familiar. She exudes so much moe that Shirou is temporarily struck speechless in chapter 5, and actually knocked unconscious by it in chapter 8. And then she flattens an entire room with it in chapter 20.
  • Mooks: The main role of alviss.
  • Murder Is the Best Solution: Shirou will often follow this philosophy. It's hard to tell when he's joking about it or not.
  • Mythology Gag: Shirou's references to, for instance, 'Tohsaka Rin Lecture Position #1', which are reminiscent of the specific few character drawings that appear in the visual novel.
  • Named Weapons: Each of Shirou's more exotic weapons.
  • Naughty Tentacles: Shirou has likened Louise's experiments in knitting to tentacle monsters.

"So when I had come into the room one night, all unaware, and found what looked like some kind of strange yarn composed tentacle monstrosity apparently attempting to devour my little Master I had reacted by attacking it with Derflinger. After the dust had settled, she had explained that the strange abomination was supposed to be a sweater. I had explained that sweater or not, the Root be damned thing had nearly won the battle anyway. Louise hadn't taken me pointing out that little fact very well at all."

"I'd done some experimenting with doing the same to my sense of smell, but so far those experiments had ended with abject and humiliating failures that I'd really rather not talk about."

  • Noodle Implements: The love scenes in Siesta's romance novels invariably involve some.
  • Oh Crap: The general reaction of anyone who survived Shirou's rampage at Saxe-Gotha when they see him again.
    • Shirou's reaction in chapter 19 when he comes face to face with an incredibly pissed Karin the 'Heavy Wind' during the Ball of Sleipnir. Turns out that it's actually Louise's disguise.
  • One-Man Army: Shirou, the "King Of Swords"
  • Orphaned Punchline: Agnes gives the punchline to one of Derf's dirty stories the moment he finishes the first line.

Opener: There was a maid, a butler, and these twin noble girls...
Punchline: So he said, 'That wasn't my mop'.

Shirou: I've decided that I shall slaughter the innocent. I shall murder all who stand in my way, sparing none, until my name is synonymous with fear itself, thus cementing my status as an Anti-Hero. Then, once my reign of terror is finally ended, I shall wait patiently at the Throne of Heroes for however how long it takes until one of the infinite realities that exist that still performs the ritual of the Holy Grail War summons me forth. Then, I shall resume killing all around me until my bloodstained hands hold the Holy Grail itself. Once I have the all-powerful artifact, I shall use it to force the Root of the World, the wellspring of all creation, to assume a human male form in my presence. And then I'm going to kick it in the balls so hard that all of reality will simultaneously feel it.

  • Roaring Rampage of Revenge: Shirou after Kirche gets hurt in chapter 20
    • "Be silent," I told it, holding my right arm in front of me and tracing. The Muramasa blade in my hand, a blade which had been created for no other purpose but to end life, a blade which desired to do so above all else, which hungered for blood and death and pain, shrieked in pain. For the first time in its existence it tasted a blood thirst which surpassed its own, and it felt what all those poor mortals whom had been overwhelmed by its sentience in the past felt: fear. "The dead have no use for words."
  • Pre-Ass-Kicking One-Liner: The Catch Phrase variant. Everytime Shirou makes a Broken Phantasm, he always utters the same phrase:

It became fragile. It became dangerous. It became broken.

"Oh spare me the indignation," I snapped back, annoyed by her outrage. "You're the one who brought a giant and an army to this battle. Don't get self righteous with me now that you know it isn't the mismatch you had planned on."

"Fine!" the Myoznitnirn snapped, her voice shaking with rage. "Just because you have more swords doesn't change anything! You only have two hands to wield them, King of Swords!"
I glanced back at her, and I think the smile on my lips unnerved her. "Oh? But you forget, Queen of Dolls," I chided her, my voice set in a sing song pitch. "This is my soul. Did you really think it'd be that easy?"
In a move I stole straight from Gilgamesh, I raised my left hand in the air as I turned away, focused once more on my destination, and I snapped my fingers once. Above me the gears of my soul hung in the sky churned once with a noise like the heartbeat of god. And from the sky a rain of silver flung itself down upon my foes.

  • Spit Take: Louise and Derflinger's reactions to Shirou telling them that he's got an arsenal of a few hundred noble phantasms. Particularly impressive since Derflinger, being a sword, wasn't actually drinking the tea in front of him.
  • Talking Is a Free Action: Completely STOMPED by Shirou.
  • The Glomp: Sylphid's method of welcoming Shirou back to the academy was to dive-bomb him at top speed. Sylphid is a dragon. OUCH.
    • Siesta and Kirche had much the same reaction.
  • The Power of Blood: Louise uses Shirou's bloodstained clothes as a summoning reagent once their contract is broken. This ensures that Shirou is the one getting summoned, whether it's for the best or no.
  • Took a Level in Badass: Pretty much everyone. Shirou had already taken at least a good three-quarters of the levels in badass Archer was known for by the time of his summoning, and most of the rest of the cast follows suit under his tutelage.
  • Together in Death: Shirou and Saber are reunited in the epilogue.

In front of him was a woman. Her long hair, as gold as the sun above him blew in the soft breeze that rustled the grass of the field. Her green eyes found his, and she smiled.
He smiled back.
"I'm home, Saber."
"Welcome home, Shirou."

But the true insidious horror of the site was that afterward, when I started writing again, I found myself unconsciously beginning to write them in as 'shout outs'.

Louise: "You know about Heroic Spirits, Derf. Do you have any doubt in your hilt that the 'King of Swords', the 'Elf Bane', the 'Endless Armory' himself wouldn't qualify?"

  • War Is Hell: While duly noted in the original series, Shirou makes all notable fights A LOT more brutal than Saito could ever accomplish. The Battle at Saxe-Gotha is the most notable example. Saito stalled the army with no casualties. Shirou on the other hand gave them HELL by brutally maiming off limbs of soldiers standing in the way, killing off Officers and Commanders, and spreading plenty of terror on the army. Shirou also hates wars for two more reasons, one is that it results in "old men talking and young men dying", and two the people who START the wars are always far away from the front lines or not on the battlefield itself.
  • Wouldn't Hit a Girl: Completely averted with Shirou – he decapitated Fouquet and later beat Sheffield literally to death with his fists, not to mention threatening a number of girls, he is all too aware of the fact that just because your opponent is female doesn't mean she can't kill you within an instant.
  • What Might Have Been: Lampshaded in chapter 16:

"Worked out," she ground out. "Worked out, he says. He twists the entire thing about in whatever way he wants, and then when it's all done he tells me that he was making it up on the spot. All works out, he says..."
I rolled my eyes. "Stop being so overdramatic. Imagine how it would have turned out if you had summoned someone who didn't have the convenient Master/Servant model to base their actions off of. What would it have been like if you just summoned someone who had no experience at all with this kind of thing as a Servant? How well do you think they would have reacted to some of the earlier scenes we found ourselves in?"

Louise's grimace widened a bit, but her fist gradually stopped shaking. Finally, she let her hand fall back to her side with a sigh. "You know what?" she admitted sounding tired. "You're probably right." She opened her eyes as she rubbed the back of her head awkwardly with her wand. "Towards the beginning there I might have acted a little over the top as a Master."

  • You Can't Fight Fate: One of Shirou's major issues, turning up in chapter 17, is trying to avoid becoming Counter Guardian EMIYA... and its starting to hit him just how much he's been failing at that task.
    • Though this may or may not be the case, with the way Shirou is now slowly opening up.
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