Supernatural (TV series)/Quotes 2

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Showing quotes from Seasons 5 through 10.
Quotes from Seasons 1 through 4 are HERE.

Season 5

Sympathy For the Devil [5.01]

Dean: All right, well, first things first; how did we end up on Soul Plane?

Dean: Where's Cas?

Chuck: He's dead. Or gone. The archangels smote the crap out of him. I'm sorry.

Dean: You're sure? I mean, maybe he just vanished into the light or something.

Chuck: Oh, no. He, like, exploded. Like a water balloon of chunky soup.

Chuck: Oh god. Is that a molar? Now I have a molar in my hair? This has been a really stressful day.

Becky: Yes, I'm a fan, but I really don't appreciate being mocked. I know that "Supernatural" is just a book, okay? I know the difference between fantasy and reality.

Chuck: Becky, it's all real.

Becky: I knew it!

Becky: He had a vision. "The Michael sword is on earth. The angels lost it."

Dean: The Michael sword?

Sam: Becky, does he know where it is?

Becky: In a castle. On a hill made of forty-two dogs.

Dean: Forty-two dogs...?

Sam: Uh, are you sure you got that right?

Becky: It doesn't make sense! But that's what he said. I memorized every word... for you.

Sam: Um... Becky, can- uh... can you quit touching me?

Becky: No.

Bobby: That's Michael. Toughest son of a bitch they've got.

Dean: Are you kidding me? Tough? The guy looks like Cate Blanchett.

Sam: You guys warned me about Ruby, the demon blood, but I didn't listen. I brought this on.

Bobby: You're damn right you didn't listen. You were reckless and selfish and arrogant.

Sam: I'm sorry.

Bobby: Oh, yeah? You're sorry you started Armageddon?! This kind of thing don't get forgiven, boy. If by some miracle we pull this off... I want you to lose my number. You understand me?

Zachariah: I see you told the demons where the sword is.

Dean: Oh, thank God, the angels are here.

Zachariah: We may have planted that particular piece of prophecy inside Chuck's skull, but it happened to be true. We did lose the Michael sword, we truly couldn't find it. Until now, you've just hand-delivered it to us.

Dean: We don't have anything.

Zachariah: ...It's you, Chucklehead. You're the Michael sword.

Zachariah: You're Michael's weapon. Or rather his... receptacle.

Dean: I'm a vessel?

Zachariah: You're the vessel. Michael's vessel.

Dean: How? Why- why me?

Zachariah: Because you're chosen! It's a great honor, Dean.

Dean: Oh, yeah. Yeah, life as an angel condom. That's real fun. I think I'll pass, thanks.

Zachariah: Joking. Always joking, well... no more jokes. Bang. [breaks Sam's legs]

Dean: You son of a bitch!

Zachariah: Keep mouthing off, I'll break more than his legs.

Dean: You need my consent. Michael needs my say-so to ride around in my skin.

Zachariah: Unfortunately, yes.

Dean: Well, there's got to be another way.

Zachariah: There is no other way, there must be a battle. Michael must defeat the Serpent. It is written.

Dean: Yeah, maybe. But, on the other hand... eat me. The answer's no.

Zachariah: [after giving Dean cancer, and debilitating Sam's lungs] Are we having fun yet? You're going to say "yes", Dean.

Dean: Just kill us.

Zachariah: Kill you? Oh no... I'm just getting started.

Zachariah: How are you...?

Castiel: ...alive? It's a good question. How did these two end up on that airplane? Another good question, as the angels didn’t do it. I think we both know the answer, don't we?

Zachariah: No. That's not possible.

Castiel: It scares you. Well, it should. Now put these boys back together, and go. I won't ask twice.

Castiel: You two need to be more careful.

Dean: Yeah, I'm starting to get that. Your frat brothers are bigger dicks than I thought.

Dean: [referring to the Enochian sigils] What, did you just brand us with it?

Castiel: No, I carved it into your ribs.

Sarah/Lucifer: I'm not your wife, Nick. I'm an angel.

Nick: An angel?

Sarah/Lucifer: My name is Lucifer.

Nick: Sure. Naturally, um... could you do me a favor there, Satan, and remind me to quit drinking before I go to bed?

Sarah/Lucifer: Don't be afraid. This is your choice. You need to invite me in.

Nick: Even if this is real, which it's not, but assuming it was, why the hell would I do something like that?

Dean: What if we win? I'm serious. I mean, screw the angels and the demons and their crap Apocalypse. Hell, they want to fight a war? They can find their own planet. This one's ours, and I say they get the hell off it. We take 'em all on, we kill the Devil, hell, we even kill Michael if we have to, but we do it our own damn selves.

Bobby: And how are we supposed to do all this, genius?

Dean: [shrugs] I have no idea. But what I do have is a G.E.D., and a "give 'em hell" attitude and I'll figure it out.

Bobby: You are nine kinds of crazy, boy.

Dean: It's been said.

Sam: Dean... is there something you wanna say to me?

Dean: I tried, Sammy. Man, I really tried. But I just can`t keep pretending that everything's all right. Because it's not. And it's never going to be. You chose a demon over your own brother... and look what happened.

Sam: I would give anything, anything, to take it all back-

Dean: I know you would. And I know how sorry you are, I do. But, man... you were the one that I depended on the most. And you let me down in ways that I can't even... I'm just- I'm having a hard time forgiving and forgetting here. You know?

Sam: What can I do?

Dean: Honestly? Nothing. I just don't... I don't think that we can ever be what we were. You know? I just don't think I can trust you.

Good God Y'all [5.02]

Dean: What's it been, like three days now? We got to cheer [Bobby] up. Maybe I'll give him a back rub.

Dean: Cell phone, Cas? Really?

Bobby: Enough foreplay! Get over here and lay your damn hands on.

Bobby: You're telling me you lost your mojo just in time to get me stuck in this trap the rest of my life?!

Castiel: I'm sorry.

Bobby: Shove it up your ass.

Dean: [quietly, to Sam] Well, at least he's talking now.

Bobby: I heard that.

Castiel: I don't have much time; we need to talk.

Dean: Okay.

Castiel: Your plan. "Kill Lucifer."

Dean: Yeah, you wanna help?

Castiel: No. It's foolish, it can't be done.

Dean: Oh, well, thanks for the support.

Dean: God?

Castiel: Yes.

Dean: God.

Castiel: Yes. He isn't in Heaven, he has to be somewhere.

Dean: Try New Mexico, I hear He's on a tortilla.

Castiel: No, He's not on any flatbread.

Dean: Listen, chuckles, even if there is a God, He's either dead, and that's the generous theory-

Castiel: He is out there, Dean.

Dean: ...or, He's up and kicking and doesn't give a rat's ass about any of us. I mean, look around you, man; the world is in the toilet! We are literally at the end of days here, and He's off somewhere drinking booze out of a coconut. Alright?

Castiel: Enough. This is not a theological issue; it's strategic. With God's help, we can win.

Dean: It's a pipe-dream, Cas.

Castiel: [angrily] I killed two angels this week. That's my brothers. I'm hunted, I have rebelled, and I did it - all of it - for you. And you failed. You and your brother destroyed the world. And I lost everything, for nothing. So keep your opinions to yourself.

Bobby: When you find God, tell Him to send legs!

Ellen: Real glad to see you boys (hugs Dean then slaps him across the face)

Dean: Ow!

Ellen: The can of whup-ass I oughtta open on you! What you can't pick up a phone?! What are you? Allergic to giving me piece of mind? I gotta find out that your alive from Rufus !?

Dean: Sorry, Ellen.

Ellen: Yeah, you better be! You better put me on speed-dial, kid.

Dean: Yes, ma'am

Ellen: My daughter may be an idiot, but she's not stupid.

War: Honestly, people don't need a reason to kill each other. I mean, you seen the Irish? They're all Irish.

Rufus: In my experience, demons come at you slower if they're in a body with no limbs.

Rufus: "Stop firing." It usually means "stop firing."

Dean: So. Pit stop at Mount Doom?

Sam: Dean-

Dean: Sam, let’s not.

Sam: No, listen, this is important. I know you don't trust me. Just, now I realize something. I don't trust me either. From the minute I saw that blood, the only thought in my head... And I tell myself it's for the right reasons, that my intentions are good, and it- it feels true, you know? But I think, underneath... I just miss the feeling. I know how messed up that sounds, which means, I know how messed up I am... The thing is, the problem’s not the demon blood, not really, I mean, I- what I did, I can't blame the blood, or Ruby, or... anything. The problem's me. How far I'll go. There's something in me that... scares the hell outta me, Dean. In the last couple of days, I caught another glimpse.

Dean: So what are you saying?

Sam: I'm in no shape to be hunting. I need to step back, 'cause I'm dangerous. Maybe it's best if we just go our separate ways.

Dean: Well I think you're right.

Sam: I was expecting a fight.

Dean: The truth is, I spend more time worrying about you, than about doing the job right. I just can't afford that, you know? Not now.

Sam: I'm sorry, Dean.

Dean: I know you are, Sam. Hey, you, uh... wanna take the Impala?

Sam: It's okay. Take care of yourself, Dean.

Dean: Yeah, you too, Sammy.

Free to Be You and Me [5.03]

Jess: Hey baby. I missed you.

Sam: Jessica? I'm dreaming.

Jess: Or you're not. What's the difference? I'm here.

Sam: I miss you, so much.

Jess: I know. I miss you too. What are you doing, Sam?

Sam: What do you mean?

Jess: Running away. Haven't we been down this road before?

Sam: No. It's different now.

Jess: [a statement rather than a question] Really.

Sam: Last time, I wanted to be normal. This time... I know I'm a freak.

Jess: Which is all a big ball of semantics. You know that.

Sam: No.

Jess: Even at Stanford, you knew. You knew there was something dark inside of you. Deep down, maybe, but you knew. Maybe that's what got me killed.

Sam: No.

Jess: I was dead from the moment we said hello.

Sam: No!

Jess: Don't you get it? You can't run from yourself. Why are you running now?

Sam: Why are you here, Jess?

Jess: Would you believe I'm actually trying to protect you?

Sam: From what?

Jess: You. Sooner or later, the past is gonna catch up to you like it always does. You know what happens then? People die. Baby, the people closest to you die.

Sam: Well don't worry, because I won't make that mistake again.

Jess: Same song, different verse. Things are never gonna change with you. Never.

Dean: [hunting a vampire] Eat it, Twilight.

Dean: [to Castiel] You were wasted by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Angel? [Raphael]

Dean: [to Castiel] Last time you zapped me somewhere I didn't poop for a week!

Sam's Coworker: You're like this...

Sam: Riddle wrapped inside an enigma wrapped inside a taco?

Dean: Because. We're humans. And when humans want something, really, really bad... we lie.

Castiel: Why?

Dean: Because. That's how you become president.

Dean: Any idea what set them off?

Castiel: It's angels and demons probably. [Looks at Walt] They're skirmishing all over the globe.

Walt: Come again? What did he say?

Castiel: Demons.

Dean: [at same time] Nothing.

Castiel: Demons.

Dean: [at same time] Nothing. Demons, you know drink, adultery. We all have our demons Walt.

Dean: [referring to Raphael's catatonic vessel] I take it that's not Raphael anymore.

Castiel: Just an empty vessel.

Dean: So is this what I'm lookin' at if Michael jumps my bones?

Castiel: No, not at all. Michael is much more powerful, it'll be far worse for you.

Dean: Where've you been?

Castiel: Jerusalem.

Dean: Oh, how was it?

Castiel: Arid.

Dean: Tell me something; you keep saying we're gonna trap this guy, but isn't that kinda like trapping a hurricane with a butterfly net?

Castiel: No, it's harder.

Dean: Do we have any chance of surviving this?

Castiel: You do.

Dean: ...So, odds are, you're a dead man tomorrow?

Castiel: Yes.

Dean: Oh. Well, last night on earth, what, uh... what're your plans?

Castiel: I just thought I'd sit here quietly.

Dean: Dude, c'mon, anything? Hm? Booze, women?

Castiel: [glances at Dean, then looks away quickly]

Dean: You have been with a woman before. Right? Or an angel, at least? You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud seeding?

Castiel: Look, I've never had occasion, okay?

Dean: Let me tell you something, there are two things I know for certain; one, Bert and Ernie are gay. Two, you are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch. Let's go.

Dean: Hey. Relax!

Castiel: This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here.

Dean: Dude, you full-on rebelled against heaven. Iniquity is one of the perks!

Dean: Cas! His name is Cas. What's your name?

Stripper: Chastity.

Dean: Chastity?

Chastity: Mm-hm.

Dean: Wow. [to Castiel] Is that kismet or what, buddy? Huh?

Dean: [gives Castiel cash for a stripper] Hey. Listen. Take this. If she asks for a credit card, no. Now just stick to the basics, okay? Do not order off the menu. Go get her, Tiger. [Castiel hesitates] Don't make me push you.

Dean: [after Chastity storms away] What the hell did you do?

Castiel: I don't know. I just looked at her in the eyes and told her it wasn't her fault that her father Gene ran off. It was because he hated his job at the post office.

Dean: [rolls his eyes, and laughs in disbelief] Oh, no, man!

Castiel: What?

Dean: This whole industry runs on absent fathers, it's- it's the natural order.

Raphael: Castiel.

Castiel: Raphael.

Dean: Oh, you know, I thought you were supposed to be impressive. All you do is black out the room?

Raphael: And the eastern seaboard. It is a testament to my unending mercy that I don't smite you here and now.

Dean: Or maybe you're full of crap. Maybe you're afraid that God'll bring Cas back to life again, and smite you and your candy-ass skirt. By the way, hi, I'm Dean. [Waves]

Rapheal: I know who you are and now thanks to him (glances at Cas) I know where you are

Cas: You won't kill him. You wouldn't dare.

Rapheal: No, but I will take him to Micheal.

Raphael: But there's no other explanation. He's gone for good.

Castiel: You're lying.

Raphael: Am I? Do you remember the twentieth century? Think the twenty-first is going any better? Do you think God would've let any of that happen if He were alive?

Dean: Oh yeah? Well then who invented the Chinese basket trick?

Raphael: Careful. That's my father you're talking about, boy.

Dean: Yeah, who would be so proud to know that His sons started the friggin' apocalypse.

Raphael: Who ran off and disappeared. Who left no instructions, and a world to run.

Dean: So daddy ran away and disappeared. He didn't happen to work for the post office, did He?

Sam: It's true. What the demon said, it's all true.

Tim: Keep going.

Sam: Why? You gonna hate me any less? Am I gonna hate myself any less? What do you want?

Tim: I want to hear you say it.

Sam: I did it. I started the apocalypse.

Castiel: If God is dead, why have I returned? Who brought me back?

Raphael: Did it ever occur to you that maybe Lucifer raised you?

Castiel: No.

Raphael: Think about it. He needs all the rebellious angels he can find. You know it adds up.

Raphael: Castiel. I'm warning you. Do not leave me here. I will find you.

Castiel: Maybe one day. But today, you're my little bitch.

Dean: What he said.

Dean: Look, I'll be the first to tell you that this little crusade of yours is nuts, but... I do know a little something about missing fathers.

Castiel: What do you mean?

Dean: I mean, there were times when I was looking for my dad when... all logic said that he was dead. But I knew, in my heart, that he was still alive. So, who cares what some Ninja Turtle says, Cas? What do you believe?

Castiel: I believe He's out there.

Dean: Good. Then go find Him.

Castiel: What about you?

Dean: What about me? I don't know. Honestly... I'm good. I can't believe I'm saying that, but I am, I'm... I'm really good.

Castiel: Even without your brother?

Dean: Especially without my brother. I mean, I spend so much time worrying about the son of a bitch. I mean, I've had more fun with you in the past twenty-four hours than I've had with Sam in years. And you're not that much fun. It's funny, you know, I've been so chained to my family, but now that I'm alone... hell, I'm happy.

Sam: [to "Jessica"] God knows how much I miss you too. But you're wrong. People can change. There is reason for hope.

Sam: What do you want with me?

Lucifer: Thanks to you, I walk the earth. I wanna give you a gift. I wanna give you everything.

Sam: I don't want anything from you!

Sam: [referring to hosting Lucifer as a vessel] You need my consent?

Lucifer: Of course, I'm an angel.

Sam: I will kill myself before letting you in.

Lucifer: And I'll just bring you back.

The End [5.04]

Dean: [chuckles] You know, it's kinda funny; talking to a Messenger of God on a cellphone, it's... y'know, like watching a Hell's Angel ride a moped.

Castiel: [speaking on his new cell] This isn't funny, Dean! The voice says I'm almost out of minutes.

Castiel: Where are you now?

Dean: Kansas City... [grabs his room key] Century Hotel, room 113.

Castiel: I'll be there immediately.

Dean: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, come on, man. I just drove, like, 16 hours straight, okay? I'm human. And there's stuff I gotta do.

Castiel: What stuff?

Dean: Eat, for example. In this case, sleep; I just need like 4 hours once in a while, okay?

Castiel: Yes.

Dean: Okay, so you can... pop in tomorrow morning.

Castiel: Yes. I'll just- [Dean hangs up] ...wait here then.

Dean: So you're his vessel, huh? Lucifer's wearing you to the prom?

Sam: That's what he said.

Dean: Just when we thought you were out, they pull you back in, huh, Sammy?

Sam: So that's it, that's your response?

Dean: What are you looking for?

Sam: I don't know, uh, a little panic, maybe?

Dean: I guess I'm a little numb with the earth-shattering revelations at this point.

Dean: So what, you're just gonna walk back in, and we're gonna be the dynamic duo again?

Sam: Look, Dean, I can do this. I can. I'm gonna prove it to you.

Dean: Look, Sam, it doesn't matter. Whatever we do. I mean, it turns out that you and me, we're the, uh... the fire and the oil of the Armageddon. You know, on that basis alone, we should just pick a hemisphere. Stay away from each other for good.

Sam: Dean, it does not have to be like this, we can fight it.

Dean: Yeah, you're right, we can. But not together. We're not stronger when we're together, Sam. I think we're weaker. Because whatever we have between us; love, family, whatever it is; they are always gonna use it against us. And you know that. No, we're better off apart. We got a better chance of dodging Lucifer and Michael and this whole damn thing... if we just go our own ways.

Sam: Dean, don't do this.

Dean: Goodbye, Sam.

Dean: I'm you, from the tail end of 2009. Zach plucked my from my bed and... threw me 5 years into the future.

2014-Dean: Where is he? I wanna talk to him.

Dean: I don't know.

2014-Dean: Oh, you don't know?

Dean: No. I don't know. Look I just wanna get back to my own freakin' year, okay?

2014-Dean: Okay. If you're me... then tell me something only I would know.

Dean: Rhonda Hurley. We were...uh, 19. She made us try on her panties. They were pink... and satin-y. And you know what? We kinda liked it.

2014-Dean: Touché.

Dean: What are you, a hippie?

2014-Castiel: [stretching] Thought you'd gotten over trying to label me.

Dean: Cas, we need to talk.

2014-Castiel: [turns to face Dean] Whoa, strange.

Dean: What?

2014-Castiel: You... are not you, not 'now' you, anyway.

Dean: No! Yeah- yes. Exactly.

2014-Castiel: What year are you from?

Dean: 2009.

2014-Castiel: Who did this to you? Is it Zachariah?

Dean: Yes.

2014-Castiel: Interesting.

Dean: Oh yeah, it's friggin' fascinating. Now... why don't you just strap on your angel wings and fly me back to my page on the calender?

2014-Castiel: [turns away and laughs] I wish I could just, uh, strap on my wings, but, uh, I'm sorry, no dice. [Laughs again]

Dean: ...What are you, stoned?

2014-Castiel: Generally, yeah.

Dean: What happened to you?

2014-Castiel: [shrugs] Life.

2014-Dean: You saying my plan is reckless?

2014-Castiel: Are you saying we, uh... walk in, straight up the driveway, past all the demons and the Croates, and we shoot the Devil?

2014-Dean: Yes.

2014-Castiel: Okay. If you don't like, uh, "reckless", I can use "insouciant", maybe.

2014-Dean: Are you coming?

2014-Castiel: [sighs] ...Of course.

2014-Dean: Sam didn't die in Detroit. He said yes.

Dean: "Yes"? ...Wait... you mean-

2014-Dean: That's right. The big yes. To the Devil. Lucifer's wearing him to the prom.

Dean: [quietly] Why he would do that?

2014-Dean: Wish I knew. But now we don't have a choice. It's in him and it's not getting out. And we've gotta kill him, Dean. And you need to see it. The whole damn thing, how bad it gets, so you can do it different.

2014-Chuck: So you're really from '09?

Dean: Yeah, 'fraid so.

2014-Chuck: Some free advice? You ever get back there, you hoard toilet paper. You understand me? Hoard it. Hoard it like it's made of gold. 'Cause it is.

Dean: Thank you, Chuck.

2014-Chuck: Oh, you'll thank me alright. Mark my words.

Dean: So you're human? Well, welcome to the club.

2014-Castiel: Thanks. Except I used to belong to a much better club. And now I'm powerless. I'm hapless, I'm hopeless, I mean, why the hell not bury myself in women and decadence? Right? It's the end, baby! That's what decadence is for. Why not bang a few gongs before the lights go out?

Dean: [to 2014-Dean] Hey, uh... me. Can I talk to you for a sec?

Lucifer as Sam : Oh. Hello, Dean. Aren't you a surprise? You've come a long way to see this, haven't you?

Dean: Well go ahead. Kill me.

Lucifer as Sam : Kill you? Don't you think that would be a little... redundant? [Sighs] I'm sorry. It must be painful, speaking to me in this... shape. But it had to be your brother. It had to be. [Tries to touch Dean but Dean flinches back] You don't have to be afraid of me, Dean. What do you think I'm going to do?

Dean: I don't know, maybe deep-fry the planet?

Lucifer as Sam : Why? Why would I want to destroy this stunning thing? Beautiful, in a trillion different ways. The last perfect handiwork of God. You ever hear the story of how I fell from Grace?

Dean: Oh, good God, you're not gonna tell me a bedtime story, are ya? My stomach's almost outta bile.

Lucifer as Sam : You know why God cast me down? Because I loved Him. More than anything. And then God created... [smirks] you. The little... hairless apes. And then he asked all of us to bow down before you. To love you more than Him. And I said, "Father... I can't." I said, "These human beings are flawed. Murderous." And for that, God had Michael cast me into Hell. Now tell me, does the punishment fit the crime? Especially when I was right. Look what six billion of you have done to this thing. And how many of you blame me for it.

Dean: [voice wavering] You're not fooling me, you know that? With this 'sympathy for the devil' crap. I know what you are.

Lucifer as Sam : What am I?

Dean: You're the same thing, only bigger. The same brand of cockroach I've been squashing my whole life. An ugly, evil, belly-to-the-ground supernatural piece of crap. The only difference between them and you, is the size of your ego.

Lucifer as Sam : I like you, Dean. I get what the other angels see in you. Goodbye. We'll meet again soon.

Dean: [voice harsh and hoarse] You better kill me now!

Lucifer as Sam : Pardon?

Dean: You better kill me now! Or I swear, I will find a way to kill you. And I won't stop-

Lucifer as Sam : I know you won't. I know you won't say yes to Michael either, and I know you won't kill Sam. Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up... here.

Dean: [tears start falling freely]

Lucifer as Sam : I win... So, I win.

Dean: You're wrong.

Lucifer as Sam : See you in five years, Dean.

Dean: That's pretty nice timing, Cas.

Castiel: We had an appointment.

Dean: [grabs Castiel's shoulder] Don't ever change.

Dean: Sam. [Holds Ruby's knife out to Sam] If you're serious, and you want back in... you should hang onto this. I'm sure you're rusty. Look, man, I'm sorry. I'm... whatever I need to be, but I was, uh... wrong.

Sam: What made you change your mind?

Dean: Long story. The point is... maybe we are each other's Achilles' heel. Maybe they'll find a way to use us against each other, I don't know. I just know, we're all we've got. More than that... we keep each other human.

Sam: Thank you. Really, thank you. I won't let you down.

Dean: Oh, I know it. I mean, you are the second-best hunter on the planet

Sam: So what do we do now?

Dean: We make our own future.

Sam: Guess we have no choice.

Fallen Idol [5.05]

Sam: So... what's with this job?

Dean: Dude suffers a head-on collision in a parked car? I'd say it's worth checking out.

Sam: Yeah, definitely, um, but... we've got bigger problems, don't you think?

Dean: I'm sure the apocalypse'll still be there when we get back.

Dean: And how exactly did Jim slam Cal into a windshield with all the force of an 80 mph crash?

Rick Carnegie: ... Drugs maybe?

Sam: [referring to "Little Bastard"] So, what... this is like, Christine?

Dean: No, Christine is fiction; this, this is real.

[Dean slides under the car, Little Bastard, to get its number]

Sam: [kneels down and looks under the car] Need a flashlight?

Dean: [jumps] No. Don't... do anything; just go away.

Sam: Y--uh... okay...

Dean: Don't speak! Alright? In fact, don't even look at her, she might not like it.

Sam: I've been working my ass off here...

Dean: Hey, world's smallest violin, pal; I spent the afternoon up Christine's skirt. I needed a drink.

Dean: So you're saying we've got two super-famous, super-pissed-off ghosts killing their... super-fans?

Dean: Check it out. Four score and seven years ago... I had a funny hat.

Dean: Let me get this straight: your, uh, ultimate hero was not only a short man in diapers, but he was also a fruitarian.

Sam: That's not the point.

Dean: That is good. That is-even for you, that is good.

Sam: Look, I'm just saying. I'm not so sure this thing is over.

Dean: He was a ghost. He was a weirdly super-charged, fruitarian ghost, but it was still a ghost.

Sam: How long am I gonna be double-secret probation?

Dean: Until I say so.

Sam: They're unlike any other seed I've ever seen before Dean.

Dean: Wow. just when I thought you couldn't get any geekier.

Dean: Not a word.

Sam: Dude, you just got wailed on by Paris Hilton.

Dean: ... Shut up.

I Believe the Children Are Our Future [5.06]

Dean: [preparing to test a joy buzzer] Are you ready?

Sam: Hit it, Mr. Wizard.

Dean: [after electrocuting a large ham] That'll do, pig.

Castiel: [after sitting on a whoopee cushion] That wasn't me.

Sam: I don't get it... Jesse is the devil's son?

Castiel: [sighs] No, of course not; your Bible gets more wrong than it does right.

Dean: [steps between Sam and Castiel] Okay, hey... look, we are not going to kill him. Alright? But we can't leave Jesse here, either. We know that. So... we take him to Bobby's, he'll know what to do.

Castiel: You'll kidnap him? What is going on in this town, it's what happens when this thing is happy; you cannot imagine what it will do if it's angry.

Sam: So we tell him the truth. You say Jesse's destined to go darkside, fine, but he hasn't yet. So if we lay it all out for him... uh, what he is, the apocalypse, everything, he might make the right choice.

Castiel: (coldly)... you didn't. And I can't take that chance.

Dean: You think Jesse’s gonna be OK?

Sam: I hope so.

Dean: You know we destroyed that kid’s life by telling him the truth.

Sam: We didn’t have a choice, Dean.

Dean: Yeah. You know I'm starting to get why parents lie to their kids. You want them to believe that the worst thing out there is to mix some pop rocks and coke. Protect them from the real evil. You want them going to bed feeling safe. If that means lying to them, so be it. More I think about it... more I wish dad would've lied to us.

Sam: Yeah, me too.

The Curious Case Of Dean Winchester [5.07]

Bobby: Brains trumps legs apparently.

Dean: So you were just gonna shoot some old guy, is that it?

Sam: I didn't know what you were. I mean have you seen you? You look like-

Dean: The old chick in Titanic. I know, shut up.

Sam: I was gonna say Emperor Palpatine.

Sam: (watching old Dean trying to break into a safe) It's like Mission Pathetic.

Dean: [to Sam] Dude... I believe that he-witch gave you the clap.

Patrick: I'm sorry kid. Aces full.

Sam: [to female witch] You're crying. For a witch, you're so nice it's actually kinda creepy. It's okay. [to Patrick] It was a great hand. Just... not as great as... as four fours.

Patrick: Well played. You know, that whole... 'going out of your head' bit... very method. There's more to you than meets the eye.

Sam: Cash these in for Dean. Please.

Patrick: With pleasure.

Dean: You're not useless, Bobby.

Bobby: Okay... good talk.

Dean: Whoa, wait a moment, listen to me... you don't stop being a soldier 'cause you got wounded in battle. Okay? No matter what shape you're in, bottom line is: you're family. Now I don't know if you've noticed but me and Sam, we don't have much left. I can't do this without you. I can't. So don't you dare think bout checking out! I don't wanna hear that again!

Bobby: Okay.

Dean: Okay. Good.

Bobby: Thanks... now we done feeling our feelings? Cause I'd like to get out of this room before we both start growing lady parts.

Dean: Yeah, we're done.

Changing Channels [5.08]

[The episode opens in the form of a sitcom]

Dean:[Narrating] Supernatural is filmed before a live studio audience.

Dean:[Closes his fridge and looks at a cartoonishly big sandwich] I'm gonna need a bigger mouth.

Audience:[Laughs, then cheers as Sam walks through the door]

Dean: Hey there Sam. What's happening?

Sam: Oh nothing, just the end of the world. [Audience laughs. Sam looks at the sandwich] You're gonna need a bigger mouth. Hey, uh, have you done your research yet?.

Dean: Oh yeah, All kinds of research. All night.

Sam: Yeah?

Audience:[cheers as a bikini clad woman exits the bathroom]

Woman: Ooh, Dean. We have some more "research" to do.[More laughter]

Sam: Dean...

Dean:[Extreme close-up] Son of a bitch! [More laughter and cheers]

[A cheesy opening credits sequence ensues, complete with Sam and Dean riding on a tandem bicycle and mopeds , playing pass football in a park, and hunting ghosts in a very comic fashion]

Sam: What are you watching?

Dean: A hospital show - "Dr Sexy, M.D.". I think it's based on a book.

Sam: When did you hit menopause?

Dean: Ally with the Trickster?

Sam: Yeah.

Dean: A bloody, violent monster... and you wanna be Facebook friends with him? Nice, Sammy.

Ellen Piccolo: Seriously. You're brilliant, you know that. And a coward. You're a brilliant coward.

Dean: It's him, it's Dr. Sexy.

Dean: You're not Dr. Sexy.

Dr. Sexy: You're crazy.

Dean: Really? Because I swore part of what makes Dr. Sexy sexy is the fact that he wears cowboy boots. Not tennis shoes.

Sam: Yeah, you're not a fan.

Dean: It's a guilty pleasure!

NutCracker Host: [Referring to Castiel] No, no, no, no... Mr. Trickster does not like pretty boy angels.

Dean: What do I do? What do I do? I don't wanna get it in the nuts!

Sam: [slowly] I've got... genital herpes.

Dean: [as Herpexia's voiceover] Patients should always consult with a physician before using Herpexia. Possible side effects include headache, diarrhea, permanent erectile dysfunction, thoughts of suicide, and nausea.

[Dean and Sam are on the set of a sitcom]

Dean: How long do we have to keep doing this?

Sam: [strained smile] I dunno. [Audience laughs and applauds] Maybe forever? [more laughter] ... We might die in here. [continued laughter]

Dean: [glares at the audience] ... How is that funny? Vultures.

Trickster: Well, you know! Sam starring as Lucifer, Dean starring as Michael! Your celebrity deathmatch! Play your roles.

Sam: You want us to say "yes" to those sons of bitches?

Trickster: Hellz yeah, let's light this candle!

Dean: Calm down?! I am wearing sunglasses at night! You know who does that? No-talent douchebags. I hate this game. I hate that we're in a procedural cop show. And you want to know why? Because I hate procedural cop shows. There's like 300 on television, they're all the freaking same, it's: "oh... a plane crashed here." Oh shut up!

Forensic guy: Well... aside from the ligature marks around his neck, he has what appears to be a roll of quarters jammed down his throat.

Sam: Well I say... jackpot.

Forensic guy: Heh. Also there was a stabwound to the lower abdomen there.

Dean: [pokes stabwound with stick] Well I say... No guts, no glory.

Gabriel: Where'd you get the holy oil?

Dean: Well, you might say we pulled it out of Sam's ass.

Sam: So, which one are you? Grumpy, Sneezy, or Douchy?

Gabriel: Gabriel, okay. They call me Gabriel.

Sam: Gabriel? The archangel?

Dean: Okay, Gabriel, how does an archangel become a Trickster?

Gabriel: My own private witness protection.

Gabriel: You do not know my family. What you guys call the Apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner!

Gabriel: You two were born to this, boys. It's your destiny! It was always you!

Gabriel: So. Boys. Now what? We stare at each other for the rest of eternity?

Dean: Well, first of all, you're gonna bring Cas back from wherever you stashed him.

Gabriel: Oh am I.

Dean: Yeah. Or we're going to dunk you in some holy oil and deep-fry ourselves an archangel.

Castiel: Hello, Gabriel.

Gabriel: Hey bro. How's the search for Daddy going? Let me guess: Awful!

Dean: No, we're not 'cause we don't screw with people the way you do. And for the record, this isn't about some prized fight between your brothers. Or some destiny that can't be stopped. This is about you being too afraid to stand up with your family. (after setting off the sprinkler system) Don't say I never did anything for you.

Dean: All that stuff he was spouting in there... Do you think he was telling the truth?

Sam: I think he believes it.

Dean: So what do we do?

Sam: I don't know.

Dean: I'll tell you one thing – right about now wish I was back in a TV show.

Sam: Yeah, me too.

The Real Ghostbusters [5.09]

Becky: What? They're gonna wanna see it.

Dean & Sam: See what?

Becky: Oh my god, I love it when they talk at the same time.

Sam: He means the books, Chuck. Why are you publishing more books?

Chuck: Um...for food and shelter.

Dean: Who gave you the rights to our life story?

Chuck: An Archangel, and I didn't want it.

Dean: Well, you sure look lovely tonight. Especially for a dead chick.

Latisha Actress: Buddy, I have heard that line 17 times tonight, okay? And all from dudes wearing MacGyver jackets. But you seem different.

Dean: How so?

Latisha Actress: Well, you don't seem scared of women.

Sam: Dean.

Dean: What? They're freaking annoying.

Dean: No, I am not a fan, okay. Not fans. In fact, I think the Dean and Sam story sucks. It is not fun, it's not entertaining. It is a river of crap that would send most people howling to the nuthouse! So you listen to me. Their pain is not for your amusement. I mean, do you think they enjoy being treated like-like circus freaks?

Demian: Ahh, I don't think they care. Because they're fictional characters.

Dean: Oh, they care. Believe me, they care a lot!

Sam: He uh... He takes the story really seriously.

Dean: [to Sam] Just give her the puppy dog thing, okay?

Chuck: No, there's really no such thing as a Croatoan Virus for... down there. Um...you really should see a doctor.

Demian: I'm not sure you get what the story's about.

Dean: That so?

Demian: Alright, look. In real life, he sells stereo equipment, I fix copiers; our lives suck. But to be Sam and Dean... to wake up every morning and save the world, to have a brother who, who would die for you... Well, who wouldn't want that?

Sam: Oh, hey, Chuck, look. If you really want to publish more books, I guess that's okay with us.

Chuck: Wow. Really?

Sam: No, not really. We have guns and we will find you.

Chuck: Like all authors I started writing because of love. I had a huge crush on Nancy McKeon who played Jo in The Facts of Life. I must have written her forty to fifty letters. She never wrote back.

Chuck: The way I look at it, it's not really "jumping the shark" if you never come back down.

Abandon All Hope [5.10]

Castiel: The demon Crowley is making a deal; Even as we speak, it's... going... down.

Dean: Going down? Right. Okay, Huggy Bear, just don't lose him.

Castiel: I won't lose him.

Dean: Oh, uh, excuse me for asking, but aren't you kind of signing your own death warrant? I mean, what happens to you if we go up against the devil and lose?

Crowley: Number one, he's going to wipe us all out anyway. Two, after you leave here, I go on an extended vacation to all points nowhere. And three, how about you don't miss, okay! Morons!

Castiel: [After drinking six shots] I think I'm starting to feel something.

Dean: So. Dangerous mission tomorrow. Guess it's time to eat, drink, and, you know, make merry.

Jo: Are you giving me the last night on Earth speech?

Dean: What?

Jo: What?

Dean: No...no. If I was, would that work?

Jo: No. Sweetheart, if this is our last night on Earth, then I'm going to spend it with a little thing I call self-respect.

Castiel: This town's not empty. Reapers.

Ellen: Reapers? As in more than one?

Castiel: They only gather like this at times of great catastrophe. The Chicago Fire, the San Francisco Quake, Pompeii. Excuse me, I need to figure out why they're here.

Castiel: Lucifer.

Lucifer: So I take it you're here with the Winchesters?

Castiel: I came alone.

Lucifer: Loyalty... such a nice quality to see this day and age.

Lucifer: Castiel, right? Castiel, I'm told you came here in an automobile.

Castiel: ... yes.

Lucifer: What was that like?

Castiel: Um, slow. Confining.

Lucifer: What a peculiar thing you are?

Castiel: [notices lesions on Lucifer's face] What's wrong with your vessel?

Lucifer: Yes, um, Nick is wearing a bit thin, I'm afraid. He can't contain me forever, so...

Castiel: [angry] You... [Steps forward, but remembers the holy fire] You are not taking Sam Winchester. I won't let you.

Lucifer: We're on the same side, like it or not, so... why not just serve your own best interests, which in this case, just happen to be mine.

Castiel: I'll die first.

Lucifer: ... I suppose you will.

Dean: Okay, this is it. I'll see you on the other side. Probably sooner than later.

Jo: Make it later.

Jo: Mom, no.

Ellen: Somebody's gotta let them in. Like you said, you're not moving. You got me, Jo. And you're right, this is important. But I will not leave you here alone.

Sam: Dean—

Ellen: Get going now, boys.

Dean: Ellen—

Ellen: I said go. And Dean? Kick it in the ass. Don't miss.

Ellen: I will always love you, baby. Honey?[looks down at her daughter, seeing she is already dead] Jo? [crying] That's okay... that's okay. That's my good girl.

Meg: You're wrong. Lucifer is the father of our race. Our creator. Your god may be a deadbeat, but mine ... mine walks the earth.

Sam: Last words?

Dean: I think I'm good.

Sam: Yeah, me too.

Dean: Here goes nothing.

Sam: Hey! [cocks shotgun] You wanted to see me?!

Lucifer: Oh Sam, you don't need that gun here. You know I'd never hurt you. Not really.

Dean: Yeah? Well I'd hurt you. So suck it. [shoots Lucifer in the head]

Lucifer: I know what you must think of me, Sam. But I have to do this. I have to. You of all people should understand.

Sam: What's that supposed to mean?

Lucifer: I was a son. A brother, like you, a younger brother, and I had an older brother who I loved. Idolized, in fact. And one day I went to him and I begged him to stand with me, and Michael... Michael turned on me. Called me a freak. A monster. And then he beat me down. All because I was different. Because I had a mind of my own. Tell me something, Sam. Any of this sound familiar? Anyway. You'll have to excuse me. Midnight is calling and I have a ritual to finish. Don't go anywhere. Not that you could if you would.

Sam, Interrupted [5.11]

Dr. Fuller: You were referred to me by a Dr. Babar in Chicago.

Sam: That’s right.

Dr. Fuller: Isn’t there a children’s book about an elephant named Babar?

Dean: I don’t know. I don’t have any elephant books. Look doctor, I-I think the doctor was in over his head with this one (points at Sam). Cause my brother’s, uh... (whistles and makes circles with his finger).

Dr. Fuller: Okay fine, thank you, that’s really not necessary. Why don’t you tell me how you’re feeling, Alex?

Sam: I’m fine. I mean, okay, a little depressed, I guess.

Dr. Fuller: Alright. Any idea why?

Sam: Probably because I started the apocalypse.

Dr. Fuller: The apocalypse?

Sam: Yeah. That’s right.

Dr. Fuller: And you think you started it?

Sam: Well yeah. I mean, I killed this demon – Lilith – and I accidentally freed Lucifer from Hell. So now he’s topside, and we’re trying to stop him.

Dr. Fuller: Who is?

Sam: Me. Him. And this one angel.

Dr. Fuller: Oh, you mean like a, like an angel on your shoulder.

Sam: No no. His name’s Castiel. He wears a trench coat.

Dean: See what I mean, doc? I mean the kid’s been beating himself up about this for months! The apocalypse wasn’t his fault.

Dr. Fuller: It’s not?

Dean: No. There was this other demon, Ruby? She had him addicted to demon blood, I mean, near the end he was practically chugging the stuff. My brother’s not evil. He was just... high. Y'know, so, could you fix him up so we could get back to traveling around the country and hunting monsters?

(Doctor smiles weakly, then picks up his phone).

Dr. Fuller: Urma? Cancel my lunch.

Dr. Fuller: Alright Ted, calm down.

Ted: I am calm. And I'd very calmly like to talk about the monster that's hunting us.

Dr. Fuller: Ted, we're not going to have that discussion again. It's not good for group.

Ted: I agree. You know what else isn't good for group? A monster eating all our faces off!

Dr. Cartwright: I'm Dr. Erica Cartwright. I've been assigned to your case.

Dean: You're my shrink? Well, lucky me.

Dr. Cartwright: And you're my paranoid schizophrenic with narcissistic personality disorder and religious psychosis. Lucky me.

Dean: I've got some questions for you.

Dr. Cartwright: What a coincidence; I've got some for you too.

Dean: Well then, Quid pro quo, Clarice. (hisses.)

Dr. Cartwright: Okay Hannibal, I'll go first. How many hours a night do you sleep?

Dean: Three or four, every couple of nights. What can you tell me about the recent suicides in here?

Dr. Cartwright: They were tragic.

Dean: But you haven't noticed anything strange? Like, uh, I don't know, black smoke, sulfur...

Dr. Cartwright: No, why, what's that supposed to mean?

Dean: Demon signs. I hunt demons, monsters, that kind of thing.

Dr. Cartwright: How many drinks do you have a week?

Dean: Well, I gotta sleep some time, so, uh, with seven days, times...it's somewhere in the mid-fifties.

Dean: Pudding!!

Dr. Cartwright: Why you?

Dean: Why me what?

Dr. Cartwright: Why do you have to hunt monsters? Why not let someone else do it?

Dean: I can't find anybody else that dumb.

Dean: You okay?

Sam: No, no, I'm not okay. I - I - I am awesome.

Dean: They give you something?

Sam: Oh yeah. They - they gave me everything. It - it's spectacu-lacular. Ha ha ha.

Dean: You always were a happy drunk.

Dr. Fuller: Monsters are the least of your problems. People can learn to live with delusions, but the anger I saw in you...you hurt those two men, and you were going to kill me. The look in your eyes when you came after me, I... it was like you were barely even human. Like a man possessed.

Sam: I know. Please... just... could you give me a second chance?

Dr. Fuller: Well, this isn't a prison. You'll be allowed to go to the day room, under supervision.

Sam: Thank you.

Dr. Fuller: But if there is one more outburst, I will transfer you to a facility that is equipped to handle violent patients.

Sam: The wraith-

Dean: What about her?

Sam: She was right.

Dean: No, she wasn't. She's dead, okay? Let's hit the road. I need a drink...or twelve.

Sam: Most of the time I can hide it, but I am angry. I'm mad at everything. I used to be mad at you and dad, then Lilith, now it's Lucifer. And I make excuses: I blame Ruby, or the demon blood, but-but it's not their fault, it's not them, it's me. It's inside me. I'm mad all the time, and I don't know why.

Dean: Stop. Stop it. So what if you are? What are you gonna take a leave of absence? You gonna say yes to Lucifer? What?

Sam: No, of course not.

Dean: Exactly. And that's exactly what you're going to do: you're going to take all that crap, and you're gonna bury it. You're gonna forget about it, because that's how we keep going.

Swap Meat [5.12]

Gary (as Sam): Crystal, I would love to have the sex with you.

Sam (as Gary): [finds AP school textbooks] Smart kid. [finds Star Wars t-shirt] Virgin. [finds porno magazine] Frustrated virgin.

Sam (as Gary): Witchcraft, huh Gary? You little Satanic bastard.

Gary (as Sam): I am in way over my head.

Trevor: Everybody knows Dean. He's Hell's most wanted.

Sam (as Gary): Oh, no. Have you idiots been talking to demons?

Trevor: I wouldn't exactly call praying to our Dark Overlord goofing around.

Nora (Possessed): Yum, tastes like moron.

Dean: Adios, bitch.

Gary (as Sam): It's 'audi nos.'

Sam: Rebel a little bit...in a healthy, non-satanic way.

Sam: You know why Nora's into witchcraft?

Gary: What do you mean?

Sam: She doesn't like Satan, you moron. She likes you.

The Song Remains the Same [5.13]

Dean: [After Anna shows up in his stripper dream] Anna! I was just... uh ... workin' on a case.

Anna: ...This is what you dream about...?

Dean: This is awkward.

Dean: [referring to Castiel] So what, you're like a Delorean without enough plutonium?

Castiel: I don't understand that reference.

Dean: [referring to Castiel] He’s tough for a little nerdy dude with wings.

John: Monsters? Monsters?

Mary: Yes

John: Monsters are real?

Mary: I'm sorry, I didn't know how to-

John: And you fight them? All of you?

Sam: Yeah.

John: How long?

Mary: All my life.

(Dean, Sam, and Mary all try to explain at the same time)

John: Shut up, all of you! Look not another work or so help me, I will turn this car around!

Dean: Awkward family road trip.

Sam: No kidding.

John: Y'all may have treated me like a fool, but I am not useless. I can draw a damn...whatever it is - a sigil.

Dean: Why don't you go help Sam out? 'Kay? 'Cause this has got to be done in...it's gotta be done in human blood.

John: [cuts his hand open] So? How big?

Dean: I'll show you. [laughs softly.]

John: What?

Dean: All of a sudden, you really remind me of my dad.

John: How long have you known about this hunting stuff?

Sam: Pretty much forever. My dad raised me in it.

John: You're serious? Who the hell does that to a kid?

Sam: For the record... Mary's parents did.

John: I don't care! What kind of irresponsible bastard lets a child anywhere near - you know you could have been killed!

Sam: I, uh...came kinda close.

John: The number it must have done of your head. Your father was supposed to protect you.

Sam: He was trying. He died trying. Believe me.

Mary: Why does an angel want me dead?

Dean: [uncomfortably] 'Cause they're dicks.

Mary: Not good enough. I didn't even know they existed and now I'm a target?

Dean: It's complicated.

Mary: Fine. All ears.

Dean: You're just gonna have to trust me, okay?

Mary: I've been trusting you all day.

Dean: It's kind of hard to believe.

Mary: All right then, I'm walking out the door-

Dean: I'm your son.

Mary: What?

Dean: I'm your son.

Mary: [horrified] I raised my kids to be hunters?

Dean: No, no you didn't.

Mary: How could I do that to you?

Dean: You didn't do it. Because you're dead.

Michael: Lucifer defied our father, and he betrayed me, but still, I don't want this any more than you would want to kill Sam. You know, my brother... I practically raised him. I took care of him in a way most people could never understand, and I still love him. But I am going to kill him, because it is right, and I have to.

Dean: What, because God says so?

Michael: Yes. From the beginning, he knew this was how it was going to end.

Dean: And you're just going to do whatever God says?

Michael: Yes, because I am a good son.

Dean: Son of a bitch. You made it.

Castiel: I did?

Sam: Yeah.

Castiel: I am surprised. [passes out]

Dean: This is it.

Sam: This is what?

Dean: Team Free Will. One ex-blood junkie, one drop out with 6 bucks to his name, and Mr. Comatose over there. Awesome.

My Bloody Valentine [5.14]

Sam Winchester: Alright, I'm just gonna go through some files, you can go ahead and get going.

Dean Winchester: Sorry?

Sam: Go ahead. Unleash the Kraken. See you tomorrow morning.

Dean: [confused] Where am I going?

Sam: Dean, it's Valentine's Day. Your favorite holiday, remember? I mean, what do you always call it? "Unattached drifter Christmas"?

Dean: Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well... Be that as it may, I don't know. Guess I'm not feeling it this year.

Sam: So, you're not into bars full of lonely women?

Dean: [sliding a box containing a human heart over to Sam] Be my Valentine?

Dean: [speaking on his cell] Cas, it's Dean. Yeah, Room 31-C, basement level, St. James Medical Center--

Castiel: [appears in front of Dean, still talking into the cell phone] I'm there now.

Dean: ... yeah, I get that.

Castiel: I'm gonna hang up now.

Dean: ...right.

Castiel: What human myth has mistaken for Cupid is actually a lower order of angel. Technically it's a cherub. Third class.

Dean: Cherub?

Castiel: Yeah. They're all over the world, there are dozens of them.

Dean: You mean the little flying fat kid in diapers.

Castiel: What I'm saying is a Cupid has gone rogue and we have to stop him before he kills again.

Sam: Naturally.

[Waiting for the Cupid.]

Dean: So where is he?

Cupid: Here I am! [Picks Dean up from behind in a hug and starts shaking him.]

Cupid: Hello, you! [hugs Castiel tightly]

Dean: This is Cupid?

Castiel: [strained] ... yes.

Cupid: [releases Castiel and turns to Sam] And look at you, huh?

Sam: [shakes his head] ... No.

Cupid: [smiles and nods] Yes.

Sam: [turns to run] No, no--

Cupid: [appears in front of Sam and hugs him tightly] Yes, yes, yes!

Dean: [to Castiel] Is this a fight? Are we in a fight?

Castiel: This is... their handshake.

Dean: I don't like it.

Castiel: No one likes it.

Dean: [Talking to Cupid] Listen, birthday suit.

[Cupid is crying; Castiel, Sam and Dean are uncertain of how to act]

Sam: Should... Should someone maybe go talk to him?

Dean: Yeah, that's a good idea. Give 'em hell , Cas.

[Castiel approaches Cupid, who has his back turned to him, still crying]

Castiel: [uncomfortable] Hum, look... We didn't mean to, um... [looks at Sam and Dean; they encourage him] ... hurt your feelings.

Cupid: [hugs Castiel, still crying] Love is more than a word to me, you know? I... I love love - I love it, and if that's wrong, I don't wanna be right.

Castiel: [hugs Cupid back] Yes, yes. Of course. I, uh - I have no idea what you're saying.

Dean: You're saying that you fixed up our parents?

Cupid: Well not me, but yeah. Oh, it wasn't easy either. oooh, they couldn't stand each other at first. But when we were done with them, perfect couple!

Dean: Perfect?

Cupid: Yeah

Dean: They're dead.

Cupid: I'm sorry but the orders were very clear, you and Sam needed to be born. Your parents were just, uh, meant to be. [Starts singing A Match Made in Heaven. Dean punches him then turns around cradling his hand

Dean: Son of a bitch. [Hear Cupid fleeing.] Where is he? Where'd he go?

Castiel: I believe you upset him.

Dean: Upset him?

Sam: Dean, enough!

Dean: What?

Sam: You just punched a cupid!

Dean: I punched a dick!

Sam: Um... are we going to talk about what's been up with you lately or not?.

Dean: Or not. [Storms out.]

Dean: [Talking to Castiel about his meat addiction] What about you? Since when do angels secretly hunger for White Castle?

Sam: So, what, this whole town is just gonna eat, drink, and screw itself to death?

Castiel: We should stop it.

Dean: Uh yeah that's a great idea. How?!

Dean: [Referring to Castiel eating endless hamburgers.] What are you? The Hamburgler?

[Dean is sitting in the Impala. Castiel transports in with a bag of fast food and pulls out a hamburger.]

Dean: Are you serious?

Castiel: These make me very happy. [Dean rolls his eyes]

Castiel: What I don't understand is: Where's your hunger Dean?

Dean: Huh?

Castiel: Well, slowly but surely, everyone in this town is falling prey to Famine, but so far you seem unaffected.

Dean: Hey, when I want to drink, I drink. When I want sex, I go get it. Same goes for a sandwich, or a fight.

Castiel: So you're saying you're just well adjusted?

Dean: God no. I'm just well fed.

Dean: Demons. Do you want to go over the plan again. [Castiel doesn't say anything.] HEY! HAPPY MEAL!

Famine: That's one deep dark nothing you got there, Dean

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid [5.15]

Dean Winchester: You gave yourself your own nickname? You can’t do that.

Digger: Who died and made you queen?

Dean: Do you know how many times we've called? Where've you been?

Bobby Singer: Playing murderball.

Dean: What is that smell? Is that soap? Did you clean?

Bobby: What are you, my mother? Bite me.

Sam Winchester: So who killed the guy?

Bobby: Take your pick. This Benny Sutton guy was a Grade A son of a bitch. There's a list of the living a year long wouldn't mind putting a cap in his ass.

Dean: Remember the guy you said that was dead and couldn't possibly commit murder? There he is. [Points to Clay]

Sheriff: And?

Dean: And? And you're welcome.

Dean: You’re a zombie.

Clay: I’m a taxpayer.

(Sam and Dean are in jail and they see Bobby talking to the sheriff)

Dean: So what, now they're friends?

Dean: This is incredible Mrs. Singer.

Karen: Thank you Dean. [Sam gives Dean a look]

Dean: What? It is.

Dean: Are you crazy? What the hell?

Bobby: Dean, I can explain.

Dean: Explain what? Lying to us, or the American Girl zombie making cupcakes in your kitchen?

Bobby: First of all, that's my wife so watch it.

Dean: And there were no signs? No omens?

Bobby: Well there were the lightning storms.

Dean: That's what we said!

Sam: So what do you think?

Dean: There's nothing to think about. We're not gonna leave Bobby at home with the bride of Frankenstein.

[Dean is eating pie in Bobby's kitchen. There are pies everywhere.]

Dean: I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that you like pies.

[Mrs. Jones keeps gesturing for Sam to come closer.]

Sam: I'm gonna regret this.

Sam: The last time I checked, the sheriff was pretty pro-zombie.

Dean: You got anymore ammo? I'm low...

Bobby: Yeah, we got plenty. Just run back past the zombies, it's in the van where we left it.

Dean: A simple no would have been fine.

[In a closet with zombies banging on the door.]

Bobby: Kind of a tight fit, don't ya think.

Dean: It's alright. They're idiots. They can't pick a lock. [The lock starts to get picked.]

Bobby: Don't you ever get tired of being wrong?

Dean: I'm making this stuff up as I go. Sue me!

Bobby: She was the love of my life; how many times do I gotta kill her?

Dark Side of the Moon [5.16]

Roy: Looking for this?

Dean: [Dean wakes up and sees that he and Sam are held at gunpoint] Morning.

Walt: Shoot him.

Dean: Go ahead Roy, do it. But I'm gonna warn you, when I come back, I'm gonna be pissed.

Castiel: Dean!

Dean: Cas?

Castiel: [speaking through the Impala's radio] Yeah, it's me.

Dean: [opens the door and gets in the Impala] You gotta stop poking around in my dreams; I need some 'me' time.

Castiel: Listen to me very closely. This isn't a dream.

Dean: ...Then what is it?

Castiel: Deep down, you already know.

Dean: ...I'm dead.

Castiel: Condolences.

[Sam is at a family dinner when Dean walks in.]

Dean: Wow. Just wow.

Sam: Heaven?

Dean: Yeah.

Sam: OK, how are we in heaven?

Dean: All that clean living, I guess.

Sam: No, no... um, Okay, you, I get, sure. But me, maybe you haven't noticed but, um, I've done a few things.

Dean: You thought you were doing the right thing.

Sam: Last I checked, it wasn't the road to heaven that was paved with good intentions.

Dean: Yeah, well if this is the Skymall, it sucks. I mean, where's the triplets and the latex, you know? Come on, a guy has needs.

Dean: Wait, so playing footsie with braceface in there that... that's a trophy moment for you?

Sam: This was my first real Thanksgiving.

Dean: What are you talking about? We had Thanksgiving every year.

Sam: We had a bucket of extra crispy and Dad passed out on the couch.

Sam: What are you doing?

Dean: What's it look?

Sam: Like you've lost your mind.

Castiel: The rumor is he talks to God.

Dean: And? So?

Castiel: Do you think maybe, just maybe, we should find out what the hell God has been saying?

Sam: Dad said they always had the perfect marriage.

Dean: It wasn't perfect until after she died.

Sam: I just never realized how long you've been cleaning up dad's messes.

Zachariah: Wow. Running from angels... in foot... in heaven. With out-of-the-box thinking like that, I'm surprised you boys haven't stopped the Apocalypse already.

Zachariah: Guys come on, you can run, but you can't run.

Sam: So there are two heavens?

Ash: No more like 100 billion. So no worries, it'll take those angel boys a minute to catch up. See, you got to stop thinking of Heaven as one place. It's more like a buttload of places. All crammed together. Like Disneyland. Except without all the anti-Semitism.

Ash: I have been all over. Johnny Cash. Andre the Giant. Einstein. Sam that man can mix a white Russian. Hell, the other day I found Mel Vātsyāyana

Sam: Who?

Ash: Wrote the Kama Sutra. That boy's heaven... all sweaty and confusing.

Ash: You boys die more than anyone I have ever met.

Pamela: [Hits Dean on the head] That's for getting me killed.

Dean: Yeah, well that's probably less than I deserve. If it makes you feel better, we got Ask killed too.

Ash: I'm cool with it!

Dean: He's cool with it.

Ash: All access pass to the Magic Kingdom.

Ash: Ah, gentlemen, I don't mean to be a downer, but, uh, I'm sure I'll see you again soon.

Zachariah: Did you really think you could just sneak past me into Mission Control?

Zachariah: We're going to be logging a lot of quality time together. I've discovered your mother is quite the MILF.

Zachariah: In Heaven I have six wings and four faces, one of which is a lion!

Dean: What are you gonna ball gag us until we say yes? Huh? I've heard that too.

Zachariah: I'm gonna do more than that, I've cleared my schedule.

Zachariah: The last person in the history of creation you want as your enemy is me. And I'll tell you why. Lucifer may be strong; but I'm... petty.

Joshua: Excuse me, sir?

Zachariah: I'm in a meeting.

Joshua: I'm sorry, I need to speak to those two.

Zachariah: Excuse me?

Joshua: It's a bad time, I know. But I'm afraid I have to insist.

Zachariah: You don't get to insist jack squat.

Joshua: No, you're right. But the boss does. His orders.

Zachariah: You're lying.

Joshua: Wouldn't lie about this. Look, fire me if you want. Sooner or later, He's gonna come back home, and you know how He is with that whole wrath thing.

99 Problems [5.17]

Sam: A wedding? Seriously?

Dean: Is that a twelve year old packing salt rounds?

Leah: It's Sam and Dean Winchester. They're safe. I know all about them.

Dean: You do?

Leah: Sure. From the angels.

Dean: Angels. Awesome.

Dean: Let me guess before you see something you get a really bad migraine; you see flashing lights.

Leah: How'd you know?

Dean: Because you're not the first prophet we've met, but you are the cutest. [He sees Leah's father glaring at him.] I mean that with total respect of course.

Castiel's voicemail: You have reached the voice mail of

Castiel's voice: I don’t understand. Why, why do you want me to say my name?

[sound of numbers being pressed followed by a beep]

Pastor Gideon: Our Father in Heaven...

Dean: [Whispers to Sam] Yeah, not so much.

Dylan: Dean, Sam.

Dean: Yo.

Dylan: Hey so um, is-is that, is that cool if I get a ride back with you guys?

Dean: Hey you saved my ass twice already. One more time, you can drive.

Sam: [To Dean] No drinking, no gambling, no premarital sex. Dean, they basically just outlawed 90 percent of your personality.

Dean: Where have you been?

Sam: Drinking.

Dean: You rebel.

Dean: Angel world, angel rules man.

Sam: And since when is that okay with you?

Dean: Since the Angels got the only lifeboats on the Titanic.

Sam: Are you... drunk?

Castiel: No! [brief pause] Yes.

Sam: ... What the hell happened to you?

Castiel: I found a liquor store.

Sam: And?

Castiel: And I drank it.

Sam: Are you ok ?

Drunk Castiel: ...Dont ask stupid questions.

Sam: I'm pretty sure she is. Visions, headaches, the whole package.

Castiel: The names of all the prophets are seared into my brain. Leah Gideon is not one of them.

Dean: Where the hell have you been?!

Castiel: On a bender!

Dean: Did he-Did you say on a bender?

Sam: Yeah, he's still pretty smashed.

Castiel: It... is not of import.

Dean: What is she exactly?

Castiel: The whore.

Dean: Wow, Cas, tell us what you really think...

Castiel: Book of Revelation calls her the Whore of Babylon.

Dean: And the Enochian exorcism?

Castiel: Fake. It actually means "You breed with the mouth of a goat"... It's funnier in Enochian.

Castiel: Her goal is to condemn as many souls to hell as possible. And it's just beginning. She's well on her way to dragging this whole town into the pit.

Dean: Alright. So then how do we go Pimp of Babylon all over this bitch?

Castiel: The Whore can only be killed by a true servant of Heaven.

Dean: Servant like...?

Castiel: Not you, or me. Sam of course is an abomination. We'll have to find someone else.

Pastor Gideon: Why does it have to be me?

Castiel: 'Cause you're a servant of heaven.

Gideon: And you're an angel.

Castiel: A poor example of one.

Dean: Heads up. [He tosses Castiel a bottle of aspirin.]

Castiel: How many should I take?

Dean: You? You should probably down the whole bottle.

Castiel: Thanks.

Dean: Yeah, don't mention it. I've been there. I'm a big expert on dead beat dads. So, yeah, I get it. I know how you feel.

Castiel: How do you manage it?

Dean: On a good day you get to kill a whore.

Jane: I don't understand. How are we supposed to get to paradise now?

Dean: I'm sorry. Pretty sure you're heading in a different direction.

Dean: I have no illusions. 'Kay, I know the life that I live. I know how its going to end for me. Whatever. I’m okay with that. But I wanted you to know, that when I do picture myself happy, it’s with you. And the kid.

Point of No Return [5.18]

Zachariah: All they care about upstairs, ain't it? Results, results, results. They don't know. They're not down on the ground, in the mud, nose to nose with all you pig-filthy humans. Am I right?

Stuart: Absolutely--filthy what?

Stuart: Earthquake?

Zachariah: No. My boss.

Dean: Eight months of turned pages and screwed pooches. But tonight, tonight's the night when the magic happens.

Dean: What is that?

Bobby: That's the round I mean to put through my skull. Every morning, I look at it. I think, "Maybe today is the day I flip the lights out." But I don't do it. I never do it. You know why? Because I promised you I wouldn't give up!

Adam: Where am I?

Sam: It's okay. Just relax. You're safe.

Adam: Who the hell are you?

Dean: Well you're going to find this a little- a lot crazy.

Dean: So, why don't you just tell us everything. Start from the beginning.

Adam: Well, I was dead and in Heaven... except it--it, uh, kind of looked like my prom. And I was making out with this girl. Her--her name was Kristin McGee.

Dean: Yeah, that sounds like Heaven. Did you get to third base?

Sam: Just, uh... just keep going.

Castiel: Maybe they wrongly assumed Dean would be brave enough to withstand them.

Dean: You know what, blow me Cas.

Sam: There's another way.

Adam: Great, what is it?

Dean: Well, we're working on the power of love.

Adam: How's that going?

Dean: Not good.

Sam: Adam, you may not believe it but Dad was trying to protect you by keeping you from this.

Adam: Well I guess the monster that ate me didn't get that memo.

Sam: You remember that?

Adam: Oh yeah.

Sam: Still trust me. The one thing worse than seeing dad once a year was seeing him all year.

Sam: From here on out-

Adam: What? We gonna hop in the family truckster? Pop on down to Wally World?

[Castiel stares intently at Dean in silence]

Dean: Cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that... I got laid.

[Dean is locked in a room with Sam]

Dean: Is this really necessary?

Sam: Well... I mean we got our hands full Dean, we've got a house full of flight risks.

Bobby: Where's Cas?

Sam: Blown to Oz. Look, I'll get Dean. He couldn't have gone too far. Just watch Adam.

Bobby: How? You may have noticed, he's got a slight height advantage.

Zachariah: So you know you can't trust them, right? You know Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other, right?

Zachariah: Hell, they'd rather save each other's sweet bacon than save the planet.

[Dean sees a person preaching on the sidewalk.]

Dean: Hey, I'm Dean Winchester. Do you know who I am?

Preacher: Dear God!

Dean: I'll take that as a yes. Listen I need you to pray to your angel buddies and let 'em that I'm here. [The preacher starts to pray]

Castiel: You pray too loud. [Cas touches the preacher, knocking him unconscious before grabbing Dean and slamming him up against a wall]

Dean: What are you, crazy?

Castiel: [punches Dean's face twice] I REBELLED FOR THIS?! [slams Dean into another wall and hits him a few more times] So you could surrender to them?!

Dean: Cas... Please...

Castiel: I gave everything for you! And this is what you give to me? [hits Dean again and kicks him into a fence, Dean falls to the ground]

Dean: [looks at Cas, who's standing over him with his hands clenched into fists] Do it. Just do it. [Cas unclenches his hands and touches Dean's shoulder, knocking him unconscious]

Sam: Bobby, what do you mean Adam is gone?

Bobby: Should I say it in Spanish?

Sam: What the hell happened to him?!

Castiel: [Carrying bloodied, unconscious Dean] Me.

Zachariah: Hey, don't get me wrong. You've been a hell of a sport, really. Good stuff. But the thing is, you're not so much the Chosen One as you are... a clammy scrap of bait.

Adam: Yeah, but what about the stuff that you said? I'm supposed to fight the Devil.

Zachariah: Mmmm... Not so much. Hey, if it's any consolation, you happen to be the illegitimate half-brother of the guy we do care about. That's not bad, is it?

Adam: So you lied. About everything.

Zachariah: We didn't lie. We just avoided certain truthes to manipulate you.

Adam: Oh, you son of a bitch.

Zachariah: Hey, how do you think how I feel? I'm the one that's gotta put up with that dumb slack-jawed look on your face.

Adam: I'm not gonna let you do this.

Zachariah: Cool your jets corky.

Dean: [to Sam, referring to Castiel] Word to the wise... don't piss off the nerd angels.

Dean: Where's the beautiful room?

Castiel: In there.

Dean: The beautiful room is in an abandoned muffler factory in Van Nuys, California?

Castiel: Where'd you think it was?

Dean: I don't know. Jupiter? A blade of grass? Not Van Nuys.

Dean: Tell me again why you don't just grab Adam and shazaam the hell out of there.

Castiel: Because there are at least five angels in there.

Dean: So, you're fast.

Castiel: They're faster.

Zachariah: I should've trusted the boss man. It's all turning out like he said: you, me, your hemorrhaging brothers.

Zachariah: [grabbing Dean close] Listen to me! You are nothing but a maggot inside a worm's ass! Do you know what I am, once I deliever you to Michael?!

Dean: Expendable.

Zachariah: Michael's not gonna kill me!

Dean: Maybe not. But I am! [stabs Zachariah through the chin and out the top of his head with an angel's sword, killing him]

Dean: I don’t know if it’s being a big brother or what, but to me, you’ve always been this snot-nosed kid that I’ve had to keep on the straight and narrow. I think we both know that’s not you anymore. I mean, hell, if you’re grown up enough to find faith in me, the least I can do is return the favor. So screw destiny right in the face. I say we take the fight to them and do it our way.

Hammer Of The Gods [5.19]

Sam: What's a four star hotel doing on a no star highway?

Dean: Please be tomato soup, please be tomato soup. [Finds eyeballs in the soup] Motel Hell.

Baldur: Some ground rules: No slaughtering each other. Curb your wrath. Oh, and, uh, keep your hands off the local virgins, we're trying to keep a low profile here.

Sam: Gods?... Oh, we are so, so screwed.

Zao Shen: Here we go...

Odin: Oh, yeah? And why is that? Because your beliefs are so much more realistic? The whole world's getting carried around on the back of a giant turtle? [laughs] Give me a break.

Zao Shen: Don't mock my world turtle.

Odin: [stands up] What are you gonna do about it?

Zao Shen: I'm gonna send you packing to Valhalla!

Odin: You watch your mouth when you're talking to me, boy!

Zao Shen: Boy? I'm older than you.

Odin: No one's ever proved that!

Dean: Ok... Did that... Holy Crap!

Sam: Yeah, tell me about it. By the way, next time I say "let's keep driving," uh... let's keep driving!

Gabriel: And when are you ever lucky?

Dean: You know what? Bite me, Gabriel.

Gabriel: Maybe later, big boy.

Gabriel: I'm the Costner to your Houston. I'm here to save your ass.

Dean: You want to pull us out of the fire?

Gabriel: Bingo.

Dean: And why do you care?

Gabriel: I don't... care. But... me and Kali, we, uh... had a thing. Chick was all hands... [Dean looks away] WHAT can I say, I'm sentimental!

Sam: Do they have a chance? Against Satan?

Dean: Really, Sam?

Sam: You got a better idea, Dean?

Gabriel: It's a bad idea. Lucifer's gonna turn them into fingerpaint.

Dean: They called you Loki, right? Which means they don't really know who you are?

Gabriel: Told you. I'm in witness protection.

Dean: Ok, well then how about you do what we say, or we tell the, uh, Legion of Doom about your secret identity. They don't seen like a real Pro Angel kinda crowd.

Gabriel: I'll take your voices away.

Dean: We'll write it down.

Gabriel: I'll cut off your hands.

Dean: Well, then people are gonna be asking "Why are you guys running around with no hands?"

Gabriel: [after a pause] FINE!

Gabriel: I've tousled with those winged ass monkeys, once or twice.

Kali: Westerners, I swear, the sheer arrogance. You think you're the only ones on earth? You pillage and you butcher in your god's name, but you're not the only religion, and he's not the only god. And now you think you can just rip the planet apart? You're wrong. There are billions of us, and we were here first. If anyone gets to end this world, it's me.

Dean: Alright you primitive screw heads, listen up.

Sam: Are you out of your mind?

Dean: I'm out of options.

Dean: We can either take on the Devil together, or you lame-ass bitches can eat me. Literally.

Dean: There's nothing natural about this at all. I thought you were dead.

Gabriel: You think I'd give Kali my real sword? That thing can kill me.

Dean: Then what do they have in there?

Gabriel: A fake. Made it out of a can of Diet Orange Slice.

Kali: So you're going to summon Lucifer?

Sam: Sort of. I just need you to squeegee some stuff from my ribs and he'll come running.

Kali: Breaking them would be easier.

Lucifer: You know, I never understood you pagans. You're such petty little things. Always fighting, always happy to sell out your own kind. No wonder you forfeited this planet to us. You are worse than humans. You're worse than demons. And yet you claim to be gods. [snaps Mercury's neck] And they call me prideful.

Gabriel: Luci, I'm home!

Gabriel: Lucifer... you are my brother, and I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks.

Lucifer: What did you say to me?

Gabriel: Look at yourself... Boo hoo, Daddy was mean to me, so I'm gonna smash up all his toys.

Lucifer: Watch your tone.

Gabriel: Play the victim all you want, but you and me, we know the truth. Dad loved you best, more than Michael, more than me. Then he brought the new baby home and you couldn't handle it. So all of this is just a great big temper tantrum. Time to grow up.

Lucifer: Gabriel, if you're doing this for Michael...

Gabriel: Screw him. If he were standing here, I'd shiv his ass, too.

Gabriel: I've been riding the pine a long time, but I'm in the game now. And I'm not on your side or Michael's, I'm on theirs.

Gabriel: [to Sam and Dean] Without me, you got zero shot at killing Lucifer. Sorry. But... you can trap him. The cage you sprung Lucifer from, it's still down there, and maybe, just maybe, you can shove his ass back in. Not that it'll be easy. You got to get the cage open, trick my bro back into it, and, uh, oh yeah, avoid Michael and the God Squad. But hey - details, right? And here's the big secret, Lucifer himself doesn't even know. But the key to the cage, it's out there. Actually it's keys, plural, four keys. Well, four rings... from the Horsemen. You get 'em all, you got the cage.

The Devil You Know [5.20]

[Overhearing Dean and Sam's conversation]

Doctor: Did you just say that a bunch of statues started crying?

Sam: What? What? No, no. Who-who...

Dean: Who would say that? Crazy people.

Sam: Exactly.

Dean: Which we are not.

Sam: You want to talk? After what you did to us?

Crowley: After what... What I did to you? I gave you the Colt!

Sam: Yeah, and you knew it wouldn't work against the Devil!

Crowley: I never!

Sam: You set us up. We lost people on that suicide run, good people!

Crowley: [referring to Sam] Call your dog off.

Crowley: [referring to demons] They burned down my house! They ate my tailor!

Crowley: I've sold sin to saints for centuries. You think I can't close one little demon?

Crowley: Sam's not coming.

Sam: And why the hell not?

Crowley: Because I don't like you. I don't trust you. And oh yes, and you keep trying to kill me!

Sam: There's no damn way! This isn't gonna happen.

Crowley: I'm not asking you, am I? Cause you're not invited.

Bobby: Are you idgits trying to kill me?!

Sam: Bobby.

Bobby: We just got done talking your brother off the edge and now you're lining up to say yes?!

Crowley: Go get him tiger.

Dean: You're not coming?

Crowley: Oh no, it's not safe up there. There's demons.

Brady: See, War and Famine, even if I could cram the rings back on their bony fingers, I doubt it would do much good. They're withered husks right now, fetal position on the floor, all thanks to you. So I don't want the rings. What I want is retribution. And I'm going to rip it right out of your ass!

Crowley: What? It went like clockwork.

Dean: Not for me, you son of a bitch!

Crowley: That's what you get working with a demon.

Crowley: Look we can't take this guy back to your brother.

Dean: Why the hell not?

[Crowley doesn't answer him and just looks around.]

Sam: You son of a bitch. You son of a bitch! You introduced me to Jess!

Brady: Ding, ding, I think he's got it.

Dean: How'd it go? Did he buy your Girl Scout cookies?

Crowley: Not yet. Where's your moose?

Brady: Well here we go. Are we doing last words or no?

Brady: What did you do?

Crowley: Went over to a demon's nest, had a little massacre. Must be losing my touch, though. Let one of the little toads live. Oops! Also might have given said toad the impression that you left your post last night because you and I are... wait for it... Lovers in League Against Satan. Hello darling. So now death is off the table. Now you get to be on the boss's eternal torment list with little old me.

Brady: Oh no no no no. No!

Crowley: Something else we have in common, apart from our torrid passion, of course: craven self-preservation.

Sam: You're saying a hellhound followed you here?

Crowley: [Referring to demon tracking coin] Well, technically he followed this.

[Crowley disappears leaving Sam and Dean to deal with the Hellhounds.]

Sam: I told you!

Dean: Oh well good for you!

Brady: Dammit get me out of here!

Dean & Sam: Shut up!

Dean: You're back?

Crowley: I'm invested. Currently. [Hellhound growls] Stay!

Dean: You can control them?!

Crowley: Not that one. [pats his Hellhound which appears to be about 5 feet high based on position of his hand] I brought my own. Mine's bigger. Sick 'em, boy!

Crowley: [referring to his Hellhound] I'll wager 1,000 my pup wins.

Brady: What is this?

Dean: All those angels, all those demons, all those sons of bitches... they just don't get it, do they, Sammy?

Sam: No, they don't, Dean.

Dean: You see, Brady, we're the ones you should be afraid of.

Brady: Maybe the only difference between you and a demon, is your hell is right here.

Sam: [Kills Brady] Interesting theory.

Bobby: You know where Death is?

Crowley: [pauses] No. Not in the foggiest.

Bobby: Get the hell off my property before I blast you so full of rock salt, you crap margaritas.

Crowley: Let's just say, when they're getting the Grammy's they shouldn't all be thanking God.

Bobby: Get out!

Crowley: I'll give it right back.

Bobby: Do you think I'm a natural born idgit?

Two Minutes To Midnight [5.21]

Celeste: Are you going to cure me?

Pestilence: No. You're going to die. In 4...3...2... [Celeste vomits on him a la Linda Blair in "The Exorcist" and dies] Interesting.

Dean: Did you know about this?

Bobby: What?

Dean: About Sam's genius plan to say yes to the devil? [Bobby doesn't say anything, then slowly nods.] WELL THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP!

Dean: Where the hell are you man?

Castiel: A hospital.

Dean: Are you okay?

Castiel: No.

Dean: [Long pause] You wanna elaborate?

Dean: Alright. Well no worries. Bobby's here. He'll wire you the cash.

Bobby: I will?

Dean: It's like a full color brochure for dying young. Of course, to Pestilence, it's probably Dollywood in there.

Sam: Hey... what are we even looking for?

Dean: Well, he's Pestilence so he probably looks sick.

Sam: Everybody looks sick.

Nurse: Sir... the Winchesters are here. We should go.

Pestilence: [laughs] Are you kidding me?

Nurse: They have a track record with Horsemen.

Pestilence: You mean my brothers... What they did to my brothers... The only reasonable thing to do here is to take it out on their healthy young asses.

Nurse: We're under strict orders not to kill the vessels.

Pestilence: Well, if Satan wants them so bad, he can GLUE THEM BACK TOGETHER!

Pestilence: However you feel right now, it's going to get so very very much worse. Questions?

Dean: Cas?

Pestilence: How'd you get here?

Castiel: I took a bus.

Dean: So please tell us you have actual good news.

Bobby: Chicago is about to be wiped off the map. Storm of the millennium. Sets off a daisy chain of natural disasters. Three million people are gonna die.

Castiel: I don't understand your definition of good news.

Bobby: Well Death, the horsemen, he's going to be there. And if we can stop him before he kick starts the storm and get his ring back.

Dean: Yeah! You make it sound so easy.

Bobby: The world's gonna end. Seems stupid to get all precious over one little soul.

Dean: You sold your soul?

Crowley: More like pawned it. I fully intend to give it back.

Dean: Well then give it back!

Crowley: I will.

Dean: Now!

Sam: Did you kiss him?

Dean: Sam!

Sam: Just wondering.

Bobby: [awkward silence] No!

Crowley: [coughs, shows photo of him and Bobby kissing on his iPhone]

Bobby: Why'd you take a picture?!?

Crowley: Why'd you have to use tongue?

[Sam and Dean have a heart to heart talk.]

Crowley: And... scene.

Sam: So Pestilence was spreading swine flu.

Dean: Yeah, but not just for giggles. That was step one. Step two is the vaccine. And you think...?

Crowley: I know. I'll stake my reputation that vaccine is chock full of Grade A, farm-fresh, Croatoan virus.

Sam: Simultaneous countrywide distribution. That's quite a plan.

Crowley: You don't get to be Horsemen for nothing. So you boys better stock up on... well, everything. This time next Thursday, we'll all be living in Zombieland.

Castiel: It's the eleventh hour and I am useless. All I have is this. [Indicates shotgun in his hand] What am I even supposed to do with it?

Bobby: Point it and shoot.

Castiel: What I used to be-

Bobby: Are you really going to bitch to me?

[Later Castiel shoots a "zombie" to save Sam's life]

Castiel: Actually these things can be useful.

Castiel: How did you get that?

Crowley: Hello, King of the Crossroads.

Crowley: Bobby, are you just going to sit there?

Bobby: No, I'm going to river dance.

Crowley: Well I suppose if you wanna impress the ladies.

Dean: Bobby sold his soul for this!

Crowley: Relax. All deals are soul back or store credit. We'll catch Death in the next doomed city.

Dean: Millions, Crowley! Millions of people are about to die any minute!

Crowley: True. So I strongly suggest we get out of here.

Dean: So what, call in a bomb threat, a thousand bomb threats? I mean, how the hell am I supposed to get three million people out of Chicago in the next ten minutes?

Bobby: Can we commit our act of domestic terrorism already? Let's go!

Death: This is one little planet in one tiny solar system in a galaxy that’s barely out of its diapers. I’m old, Dean. Very old. So I invite you to contemplate how insignificant I find you.

Dean: Well I gotta ask: How old are you?

Death: As old as God. Maybe older. Neither of us can remember anymore. Life, death, chicken, egg – regardless, at the end, I’ll reap Him too.

Dean: God? You’ll reap God?

Death: Oh yes. God will die too, Dean.

Dean: Well, this is way above my pay grade.

Death: Just a bit.

Death: Lucifer has me bound to him, some unseemly little spell. He has me where he wants, when he wants. That's why I couldn't go to you, I had to wait for you to catch up. He made me his weapon. Hurricanes, floods, raising the dead. I'm more powerful than you can process, and I'm enslaved to a bratty child having a tantrum.

Dean: What about Chicago?

Death: I suppose it can stay. I like the pizza.

Swan Song [5.22]

Chuck: On April 21, 1967, the 100 millionth GM vehicle rolled off the line at the plant in Janesville--a blue two-door Caprice. There was a big ceremony, speeches, the lieutenant governor even showed up. Three days later, another car rolled off that same line. No one gave two craps about her. But they should have. because this 1967 Chevrolet Impala would turn out to be the most important car--no, the most important object--in pretty much the whole universe.

Dean: I'm on board.

Sam: You're gonna let me say yes?

Dean: No, that's the thing. It's not on me to let you do anything. You're a grown--well, overgrown--man. If this is what you want, I'll back your play.

Sam: That's the last thing I thought you'd ever say.

Dean: Might be.

Sam: Take care of these guys, okay?

Castiel: That's not possible.

Sam: Then humor me.

Castiel: Oh. I was supposed to lie. [Chuckles] Uh... sure. They'll be fine...

Sam: Just--just stop... talking.

Chuck: The Impala, of course, has all the things other cars have... and a few things they don't. But none of that stuff's important. This is the stuff that's important. The army man that Sam crammed in the ashtray--it's still stuck there. The Legos that Dean shoved into the vents. To this day, heat comes on, they can hear 'em rattle. These are the things that make the car theirs. Really theirs. Even when Dean rebuilt it from the ground up, he made sure all these little things stayed. 'Cause it's the blemishes that make her beautiful.

Lucifer: Sorry if it's a bit chilly. Most people think I burn hot. It's actually quite the opposite.

Dean: Well, I'll alert the media.

Lucifer: A wrestling match inside your noggin. I like the idea. Just you and me, one round, no tricks. You win, you jump in the hole. I win... well, then I win. What do you say, Sam? A fiddle of gold against your soul says I'm better than you.

Castiel: It's starting.

Dean: Yeah, you think, genius?

Castiel: You don't have to be mean.

Dean: So, what do we do now?

Castiel: I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol... just wait for the inevitable blast wave.

Dean: Yes, well, thank you, Bukowski.

Chuck: In between jobs, Sam and Dean would sometimes get a day--sometimes a week, if they were lucky. They'd pass the time lining their pockets. Sam used to insist on honest work, but now he hustles pool, like his brother. They could go anywhere and do anything. They drove a thousand miles for an Ozzy show. Two days for a Jayhawks game. And when it was clear, they'd park her in the middle of nowhere, sit on the hood, and watch the stars... for hours... without saying a word. It never occurred to them that, sure, maybe they never really had a roof and four walls but they were never, in fact, homeless.

Dean: Hey. We need to talk.

Lucifer: Dean, even for you, this is a whole new mountain of stupid.

Castiel: Hey assbutt! [hits Michael with holy-oil molotov cocktail]

Michael: [screams and disappears]

Dean: Assbutt?

Castiel: He will be back, and upset. But you got your five minutes.

Lucifer: Castiel, did you just molotov my brother with holy fire?

Castiel: [Frightened] Uh... no?

Lucifer: No one dicks with Michael but me. [Snaps fingers, Castiel explodes]

Dean: Cas, you're alive?

Castiel: I'm better than that. [heals Dean, demonstrating his restored powers]

Dean: ... Cas, are you God?

Castiel: [smiles] That's a nice compliment. But no, though I do believe He brought me back. New and improved. [resurrects Bobby]

Chuck: Endings are hard. Any chapped-ass monkey with a keyboard can poop out a beginning, but endings are impossible. You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can. The fans are always gonna bitch. There's always gonna be holes. And since it's the ending, it's all supposed to add up to something. I'm telling you, they're a raging pain in the ass.

Chuck: This is the last Dean and Bobby will see of each other for a very long time. And for the record, at this point next week, Bobby will be hunting a Roogaru outside of Dayton. But not Dean. Dean didn't want Cas to save him. Every part of him, every fiber he's got wants to die or find a way to bring Sam back. But he isn't gonna do either. Because he made a promise.

Chuck: So what's it all add up to? It's hard to say. But me, I'd say this was a test... for Sam and Dean. And I think they did all right. Up against good, evil, angels, devils, destiny, and God himself, they made their own choice. They chose family. And, well... isn't that kinda the whole point? No doubt--endings are hard. But then again... nothing ever really ends, does it? [Smiles to himself before disappearing into thin air]

Season 6

Exile on Main St. [6.01]

Dean: There's not much to tell. You know, it's--I... lived on the road. Took crap jobs that nobody else wanted.

Sid: Like...?

Dean: Like... pest control.

Sid: Really? Pest control.

Dean: Yeah. Get to work with a partner. You get to help people. You have no idea what's in some people's walls. Could eat them alive.

Sid: Dean! Is that a gun?

Dean: No! No, yeah. well, I got a permit for it.

Sid: What, to shoot the Glickmans' dog?

Dean: I thought that was a possum. Remember when I said I was in pest control. Well, possums carry rabies, so...

Sid: Wow. I did not know that.

Dean: Oh yeah, yeah, possums... possums kill, Sid.

Lisa: So I just ran into Sid. Did you almost shoot a Yorkie?

Dean: Technically

Azazel: Hiya Dean, look what the apocalypse shook loose. [laughs] You have fun sniffing that trail? 'Cause I sure had fun pattin' you around.

Dean: You can't be...

Azazel: Oh sure I can.

Dean: No.

Azazel: Yeah, kiddo, the big daddy brought your pal Cass back, right? So why not me? Add a little spice to all that... sugar. [Dean shoots him] Really? After all we've been through together? You know, you've got a great little life here; pretty lady, real understanding... hell of a kid. And how do you keep your lawn so green? I mean, come on, Dean! You never been what I'd call "brainy", but did you really think you were gonna get to keep all of this? You had to know that we were comin' for you sometime, pal. You can't outrun your past.

Dean: Sammy?

Sam: Yeah, it's me.

[They hug each other]

Dean: Wait a minute, wait a minute. You... you... you were... you were gone man! That... That was it, how the hell you're...

Sam: I don't know.

Dean: What did you mean, you don't know?

Sam: I mean no idea. I'm just back.

Dean: Was it God? Or... or Cas? Did Cas know anything about it?

Sam: You tell me, I been calling, Cas didn't answer my prayers. I don't even know where he is.

Sam: You finally had what you wanted Dean.

Dean: I wanted my brother! Alive!

Sam: You wanted a family. You have for a long time. Maybe the whole time. I know you. You only gave it up because of the way we lived. You had something. You were building something. Had I shown up Dean, you would've just run off.

Gwen: My God, you have delicate features for a hunter.

Bobby: Maybe you want to go upstairs. The TV's broken but there's plenty of Reader's Digests. Just don't touch the decor, okay? Assume it's all loaded.

Dean: Do you have any clue what walking away meant for me?

Bobby: Yeah, a woman and a kid... and not getting your guts ripped out at age 30. That's what it meant.

Dean: That woman and that kid, I went to them because you asked me to.

Bobby: Good.

Dean: Good for who? I showed up on their doorstep half out of my head with grief. God knows why they even let me in. I drank too much, I had nightmares. I looked everywhere. I collected hundreds of books trying to find anything to bust you out.

Sam: You promised you'd leave it alone.

Dean: Of course, I didn't leave it alone! Sue me!

Lisa: You're an idiot. I mean, I know it wasn't greeting-card perfect, but we were in it together.

Dean: I was a wreck half the time.

Lisa: Yeah, well, the guy that basically just saved the world shows up at your door, you expect him to have a couple of issues.

Samuel: Nice house.

Dean: Oh yeah, go ahead, say it, call me a soccer mom, whatever.

Samuel: "Soccer mom," huh. I'll have to look that up on the "Intranet".

Two and a Half Men [6.02]

Dean: Maybe I shouldn't go.

Lisa: It's okay. You want to go, so go.

Dean: You know what, Sam can handle this.

Lisa: Dean, no offense, but if you don't walk out that door, I'm going to shoot you.

Sam: Seatbelt.

Dean: What am I, in third grade? A car should drive, not be a little bitch.

Sam: Dean, make it stop.

Dean: How?

Sam: Everyone's staring at us like we're child abusers! Feed it!

Dean: We fed it!

Sam: Then what?

Dean: I don't know. You think I speak baby? Maybe he needs a diaper change.

Sam: Oh God, I hope not.

Dean: [after Sam has killed a shape shifter in their motel room] Well, there goes our deposit.

Dean: You want to bring it to a bunch of hunters.

Sam: Not just hunters, Dean. They're our family.

Dean: We don't know them.

Sam: I do. Not every hunter is a head case. I mean, Samuel is actually a lot like you.

Dean: I'm a freaking head case.

Samuel: Congrats. It's a boy... sometimes.

Lisa: The one thing that I do know is that you're not a construction worker. You're a hunter. And now you know your brother's out there, things are different. You don't want to be here, Dean.

Dean: Yes, I do.

Lisa: Okay. Okay, but, but you also want to be there. I get it. You're white-knuckling it living like this. Like what you are is some bad, awful thing. But you're not. But I'm not going to have this discussion every time you leave. And this is... this is just going to keep happening, so... I need you to go.

The Third Man [6.03]

Sam: Were you racing me?

Dean: No. I was kicking your ass.

Sam: Very mature.

Dean: We should call Cas.

Sam: You kidding, right?... Dean, I tried. It was the first and second and third thing I did as soon I get topside. Son of the bitch won't answer the phone!

Dean: Well, let's give it a shot. Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray to Castiel to get his feathery ass down here.

Sam: You're an idiot.

Dean: Stay positive.

Sam: Oh, I am positive.

Dean: C'mon, Cas. Don't be a dick. We got ourselves a... plague-like situation down here. Do you...Do you copy? [Nothing happens]

Sam: Like I said, the son of the bitch doesn't answer. [Castiel appears behind Sam, Dean sees him] He's right behind me, isn't he?

Castiel: Hello.

Sam: [to Cas] So what you- you like him better or something?

Castiel: Dean and I do share a more profound bond. I wasn't going to mention it.

Castiel: You think I came because you called? I came because of this.

Dean: Oh, well, it's nice to know what matters.

Castiel: It does help one to focus.

Cas: I think we can rule Moses out as a suspect.

Castiel: Sam, Dean, my "people skills" are "rusty." Pardon me, but I have spent the last "year" as a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent.

Dean: I don't know who's on first, what's on second.

Castiel: What is second?

Dean: Don't start that.

Balthazar: Holy fire. You hairless ape! Release me!

Dean: First you're taking your marker off of Aaron Birch's soul.

Balthazar: Am I?

Dean: Sam!

Sam: Unless you like your wings extra crispy, I'd think about it.

Balthazar: Castiel, I stood for you in Heaven. Are you gonna let these two-

Castiel: I believe the hairless ape has the floor.

Weekend at Bobby's [6.04]

Crowley: That swan dive of Sam's was a thing of beauty. Tens all the way around. Standing "o" from the Romanian judge. You should be proud, Bobby. As deaths go, it wasn't too shabby.

Bobby: Dean, I'm a little busy.

Dean: Well then kick Bo Derek out of your bathtub. We got a case, here.

Marcy: I love scary movies. Hey, have you seen Drag Me to Hell?

Bobby: Trying to avoid it.

Agent Adams: Have you seen this man, Rufus Turner AKA Luther Vandros AKA Ruben Studdard.

Bobby: No. Never seen that dick.

Agent Adams: How do you know he's a dick?

Bobby: Lucky guess.

Agent Adams: I just want to take a look around.

Bobby: You got a warrant, sonny?

Agent Adams: Well, do I need one, sir?

Sheriff Mills: Okay, fellas, put the rulers away, zip up.

Bobby: Why'd you send him outside?

Sheriff Mills: Because I didn't think you'd want him in here.

Bobby: I don't. I've got a body in the basement.

Sheriff Mills: My point.

Bobby: Yeah, but I've got another body buried in the yard.

Marcy: Bobby, I am trying to keep my cool here, but what are you doing in my house with a shotgun?

Bobby: Have you seen anything weird?

Marcy: You mean besides you?

Rufus: You're still alive, huh?

Bobby: Don't act so surprised.

Rufus: So you just happened to have a bamboo dagger blessed by a Shinto priest laying around.

Bobby: Wood chipper.

Rufus: Oh... okie dokie, wood chipper. That-that pretty much trumps...everything.

Bobby: Sam, Dean, I love you like my own. I do. But sometimes... sometimes you two are the whiniest, most self-absorbed sons of bitches I ever met. I'm selfish? Me? I do everything for you. Everything! You need some lore scrounged up, you need your asses pulled out of the fire, you need someone to bitch to about each other. You call me, and I come through. Every damn time! And what do I get for it? Jack with a side of squat!

Dean: Bobby...

Bobby: Do I sound like I'm done? Now look, I know you got issues. God knows, I know. But I got a news flash for you. You ain't the center of the universe! Now it may have slipped your minds that Crowley owns my soul, and the meter is running. And I will be damned if I'm going to sit around and... and be damned! So how about you two sack up and help me for once?

Crowley: I thought when I got the corner office, it was all going to be rainbows and two-headed puppies. But if I'm being honest, it's been hell.

Bobby: I thought that was the point.

Crowley: You know what the problem with demons is?

Bobby: They're demons?

Crowley: Exactly. Evil, lying prats, the whole lot of them. They're stupid. You try to show them a new way, a better way, and what do you get? Bugger all! You know, there's days that I think Lucifer's whole "spike anything with black eyes" plan wasn't half bad. Hpph. Feels good to get it off my chest. We should make this a thing.

Bobby: Do I look like Dr. Phil to you?

Crowley: A little.

Crowley: I'll do the shorthand for you. (as Bobby) I want my soul back, idjit! (as himself) Afraid not. (as Bobby) But I'm surly and I got a beard. Gimme! (as himself) Blah blah blah. Homespun, cornpone insult. Witty retort from yours truly. The bottom line is, you get bupkis.

Bobby: Now, you may be king of the dirtbags here, but in life, you were nothing but a two-bit tailor who sold his soul in exchange for an extra three inches below the belt.

Crowley: Just trying to hit double digits.

Dean: Did you really used to wear a skirt?

Crowley: A kilt. I had very athletic calves.

Crowley: I believe those are mine.

Dean: You know, now that I think about it, maybe I'll just napalm your ass anyhow.

Sam: Dean. He's a dick, but a deal's a deal.

Crowley: I don't need you to fight my battles for me, moose. Get bent.

Live Free or Twihard [6.05]

Dean: These aren't vampires, man. These... these are douchebags.

Dean: He's watching her sleep, how is that not rapey?

Dean: "He could hear the blood rushing inside her. Almost taste it. He tried desperately to control himself. Romero knew their love was impossible." Romero? Really?

Sam: Dean, shut up.

Dean: This is a national best-seller. How is that possible?

Sam: Where are you going?

Dean: Bathroom, okay? Newsflash, Mr. Wizard: vampires pee!

Dean: Oh, God, I'm Pattinson.

Boris: These are the best days in the last six hundred years to be a vampire. Dracula, Anne Rice, please. These stupid little brats are so horny, they've reinvented us as Prince Charming with a Volvo. They want a promise ring with fangs, so I give it to them.

You Can't Handle the Truth [6.06]

Dean: You gotta figure out what the hell [Sam] is and fast.

Bobby: I'm trying. But, Dean, there's a worst case scenario.

Dean: What, Satan's my co-pilot? Yeah, I know.

Bobby: Well, that'd be the other worst case.

Dean: Well, then what?

Bobby: Maybe it's just Sam.

Sam: A dentist drilled a guy to death.

Dean: You mean the non-sexy kind of drilling, right?

Woman in Bar: I'm sitting like this so you'll look at my breasts. I just bought them. I need a lot of attention.

Dean: Good luck with that.

Bobby: Tori Spelling. I'm a huge fan. Girl's a real talent.

Dean: I guess it does work over the phone.

Bobby: You know what else? I get a pedicure once and a while at this nice Vietnamese joint.

Dean: Okay, please stop.

Bobby: This one girl, Nhung Phuong, name means "velvet phoenix." Tiny thing, but the grip on her! She starts on my toes and I feel like I am gonna -

Dean: Whoa, whoa, come on, man. Now I'm scarred for life! Thank you.

Dean: And that's -

Sam: Dog's blood.

Dean: Do I even want to know where you got that?

Sam: Probably not.

Dean: I told myself I wanted out. That I wanted a family.

Veritas: But you were lying.

Dean: No, but what I'm good at is slicing throats. I ain't a father, I'm a killer. And there's no changing that, I know that now.

Family Matters [6.07]

Samuel: This Castiel? You're scrawnier than I pictured.

Castiel: This is a vessel. My true form is approximately the size of your Chrysler Building.

Dean: All right, all right, quit bragging.

Sam: So, Samuel didn't take the bait, so I went with Plan B.

Dean: We had a Plan B?

Sam: I fired up the GPS in one of his cell phones. We should be able to track him right to the Alpha.

Dean: The old man won't notice?

Sam: Trust me. He thinks Velcro is big news.

Alpha Vampire: When your kind first huddled around the fire, I was the thing in the dark. Now you think you can hurt me?

Alpha Vampire: The thing about souls, if you've got one, of course, is they're predictable. You die, you go up or down. Where do my kind go?

Dean: All right, enough with the sermon, freak.

Alpha Vampire: I'm trying to answer the question. Now, when we freaks die, where do we go? Not Heaven, not Hell. So?

Dean: Legoland?

Dean: OK, we split up, clear every room. If you get a shot, you take it. It's not going to kill him, but dude will move a little slower without any kneecaps, and if we make it through this, you, me and Sam are having one hell of a family meeting.

Dean: Since when do you give a crap about vampires?

Crowley: Since, uh... what's today, Friday? Since, let's see... mind your business.

Dean: So, what's so important that you're the king of Hell's cabana boy, huh? What'd he offer you? Girls? Money? Hair?

All Dogs Go to Heaven [6.08]

Crowley: That Bobby Singer? Give him a kiss for me.

Crowley: Werewolves turning on the full moon. So '09.

Crime scene tech: What are the feds doing here?

Sam: Oh, we're specialists. They call us in to answer the questions of mouth-breathing dick monkeys.

Crime scene tech: You do realize these were animal attacks.

Dean: An animal, out here? You think it came for the sailing?

Dean: You didn't sleep. Cause you don't... sleep.

Sam: Right.

Dean: Yeah, that's not creepy at all.

Sam: Bag him now?

Dean: No, we make sure.

Sam: Really?

Dean: Before we hand him over to a lifetime of demon rape? Yeah, really.

Sam: Boy, Cal just doesn't know when to quit.

Dean: Three scuzzy bars, one scuzzy strip joint, a chili dog joint, seven or eight nightcaps, and now Scotches in the library. I'm getting cirrhosis just watching this.

Sam: Roll over, Lucky. Speak.

Lucky: Go to hell.

Sam: Already been. Didn't agree with me.

Clap Your Hands If You Believe [6.09]

Marion: Of course it's not UFOs. It's fairies.

Dean: Fairies? Okay. Well, thank you for your input.

Sam: What, flying saucers not insane enough for you?

Marion: What newspaper did you say you work for?

Sam: Okay, if you want to add glitter to that glue you're sniffing, that's fine, but don't dump your whack-a-doo all over us. We'd rather not step in it.

Dean: Okay, we're—we're done.

Sam: The only thing you're missing is a couple dozen cats, sister.

Dean: Yeah, it's a-it's a blood-sugar thing. My apologies.

Dean: Empathy man, empathy. I mean, the old Sam would have given her some-some wussified, dew-eyed crap.

Dean: But until we get you back on the soul train, I'll be your conscience. Okay?

Sam: So you're saying you'll be my Jiminy Cricket.

Dean: Shut up. But yeah, you freakin' puppet. That's exactly what I"m saying.

Dean: [on the phone] UFO! UFO!

Sam: Oh. Dude, stop yelling, you're breaking up. I didn't catch that last part.

Dean: Close encounter! Close encounter!

Sam: Close encounter? What kind? First? Second?

Dean: They're after me!

Sam: Third kind already? Better run, man. I think the fourth kind is a butt thing.

Dean: Empathy, Sam! Empathy!

Sparrow: Your brother was abducted?

Sam: Yeah.

Sparrow: Oh my God!

Sam: It's fine. I mean, I've had time to adjust.

Sparrow: Did it-did it happen when you were kids?

Sam: No, like half an hour ago.

Sam: So, you've been hunting UFOs for over three decades and you basically have no concrete data and zero workable leads.

Wayne: Well, I...

Sam: Have you considered the possibility that you suck at hunting UFOs?

Sparrow: What were they like?

Dean: They were grabby, incandescent douche bags. Good night.

Sparrow: Too soon.

Dean: And then suddenly I was, uh, I was-I was in a different place. And there were these... beings. And they were-they were too bright to look at, but I could-I could feel them pulling me towards this sort of... table.

Sam: Probing table?

Dean: God, don't say that out loud!

Dean: I had a close encounter, Sam, and I won.

Sam: You should take a shower.

Dean: I should take a shower. I'm gonna, I'm gonna take a shower now.

Sam: Look. That brings up a question. So, say you got a soul, and you're on a case. And your brother gets abducted by aliens.

Dean: Yeah, then you do everything you can to get him back.

Sam: Right, you do. But, what about when there are no more leads for the night? I mean, are you supposed to just sit there in the dark and suffer? Even when there's nothing that can be done at that moment?

Dean: Yes!

Sam: What?

Dean: Yes. You sit in the dark and you-you feel the loss.

Sam: Absolutely. But couldn't I just do all that and have sex with the hippy chick?

Dean: No!

Sam: It'll be in the dark.

Dean: Nipples?

Sam: What the hell was it?

Dean: It was a... a little, naked lady, okay?

Sam: It was... a what?

Dean: It was-it was a little, glowing... hot, naked lady, with nipples, and... she hit me.

Sam: I'm not supposed to laugh, right? Right, okay, sure.

Marion: Personally, I think they're taken to Avalon to service Oberon, king of the fairy.

Sam: Dean, did you service Oberon, king of the fairies?

Dean: God, is it on me? I feel like I've got the crazy on me.

Sam: No. You did sit in some glitter, though.

Dean: Makes me want to believe in UFOs again.

Dean: Fight the fairies! You fight those fairies! FIGHT THE FAIRIES!

Caged Heat [6.10]

Sam: Cas, we found something. It-it's this gold box. Apparently Nazis were after it back in the day. Someone tried to open it and their face melted off. I think its the - ready for this - the Arc of the Convenant. Yeah, so-

Cas: I'm here Sam. Where is the box?

Sam: I can't believe you fell for that! That was the plot of Raiders, idiot.

Sam: If you don't help us, I will hunt you down and kill you.

Cas: Will you, boy? How?

Sam: I don't know yet, but I will look until I find out and I don't sleep.

Cas: You need help Sam.

Sam: I need your help.

Cas: This is very complex. If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear? Perhaps she's done something wrong?

Dean: You're watching porn? Why?

Castiel: It was there.

Dean: You don't watch porn in a room full of dudes. And you don't talk about it. Just turn it off! [Castiel looks down at his lap] Well, now he's got a boner.

Samuel: This what you boys do, sit around watching pornos with angels?

Castiel: We're not supposed to talk about it.

Meg: [to Cas] Remember me? I sure remember you, Clarence.

Cas: [to Dean and Sam] Why are we working with these... abominations?

Meg: [to Cas] Keep talking dirty, it makes my meatsuit all dewy.

Dean: Karma's a bitch, bitch.

Cas: [After he kisses Meg] I learned that from the pizza man.

Dean: If you want forgiveness, find a priest.

Samuel: I just want you to understand.

Dean: Oh, I understand. That you're a liar. You talk about putting blood first – which is funny 'cause you sound just like my dad - difference is, he actually did!

Samuel: I am putting blood first.

Dean: Oh, give me a break.

Samuel: Mary is my blood, my daughter! Don't come at me like I sold you out, Dean. You sold out your own mother! It was her or Sam and you chose Sam, plain and simple.

Dean: Oh, that is such crap. You wanna know what really happened? You chose a demon over your own grandsons!

Samuel: See it how you want. I don't even know what Sam is. And you want me to protect him? And you? You're a stranger. No, really, tell me – what exactly are you supposed to be to me?

Dean: I'll tell you who I am. I'm the guy you never wanna see again. 'Cause I'll make it out of here, trust me. And the next time you see me, I'll be there to kill you.

Samuel: Don't think there's gonna be a next time.

Dean: Whatever gets you though the night.

Cas: Leave them alone.

Crowley: Castiel. Haven't seen you all season. You're the cavalry now?

Cas: Put the knife down.

Crowley: You that bossy in heaven?

Appointment in Samara [6.11]

Dean: I'm trying to save your life!

Sam:Exactly, Dean! It's my life! It's my life, it's my soul. And it sure as hell ain't your head that's gonna explode when this whole scheme of yours goes sideways!

Sam: I need your help, Balthazar.

Balthazar: Interesting. Since last time we met you wanted to... what was it? Oh yes, yes... fry my wings extra crispy.

Sam: Well, that was a misunderstanding.

Balthazar: Some misunderstanding!

Sam: I need some advice.

Balthazar: Advice?

Sam: Angel advice.

Balthazar: Then go ask your boyfriend.

Sam: Cas can't help me.

Dead Guy: (after dying from a heart attack) Why?

Dean: You think maybe it was the extra cheese?

Dead Guy: Yeah... It was good though.

Bobby: [as Sam chops down the door] Don't say "Here's Johnny!"

Bobby: You want to explain what this is about?

Sam: I just, uh, I have to do this, Bobby.

Bobby: Says who?

Sam: When Dean shoves that soul back in me, think how bad that could really be. I can't let it happen, Bobby. I mean it's not like I want to kill you, you've been nothing but good to me.

Bobby: So what, demon deal or somethin'?

Sam: Spell.

Bobby: You're makin' a mistake, Sam.

Sam: I'm trying to survive.

Bobby: Dean's got a way to make it safe.

Sam: Oh, yeah, what some wall inside my head that maybe stays up? Come on.

Bobby: If it works...

Sam: Well, what if it doesn't? Dean doesn't care about me. He - he just cares about his little brother, Sammy, burning in Hell. He'll kill me to get that other guy back.

Bobby: Look, I... I know how scary it is. You know what's scarier? You right now. You're not in your right head Sam. You're not giving us much choice here.

Death: Today, you got a hard look behind the curtain. Wrecking the natural order's not quite such fun when you have to mop up the mess, is it? This is hard for you, Dean. You throw away your life because you've come to assume that it'll bounce right back into your lap. But the human soul is not a rubber ball. It's vulnerable, impermanent, but stronger than you know. And more valuable than you can imagine. So, I think you've learned something today.

Death: [returning Sam's soul to him] Now Sam, I'm going to put up a barrier inside your mind... It might feel a little itchy. Do me a favor... don't scratch the wall. Trust me, you're not going to like what happens.

Like a Virgin [6.12]

Sam: Dean.

(Sam has woken after having his soul returned)

Dean: Sam?

(Sam hugs Dean then crosses the room and hugs Bobby)

Bobby: Good to see you.

Sam: Wait. I saw you—I—I felt Lucifer snap your neck.

Bobby: Well, Cas kind of—

Sam: Cas is alive?

Dean: Yeah, Cas—Cas is fine. Sam, are you okay?

Sam: Actually, um...I'm starving.

Dean: So, Sam...

Sam: Yeah?

Dean: What's the last thing you remember?

Sam: The field. And then I fell.

Dean: Okay. And then?

Sam: I woke up in the panic room.

Bobby: That's it? You really don't remember—

Dean: Let's be glad. Who wants to remember all that hell?

Sam: Well, how long was I gone?

Dean: About a year and a half.

Sam: What? I was downstairs f— I don't remember anything. So, how'd I get back? Was it Cas?

Dean: Not exactly.

Dean: (to Bobby) Why the poop face?

Dean: (while reading Penny's diary) I've decided I'm going to give Stan my most precious gift...

Sam: Wow, that sounded really creepy coming out of your mouth.

Dean: I think I delivered it.

Dean: I prefer ladies with experience

Sam: So what kind of thing likes virgins and gold?

Dean: P. Diddy?

Sam: You know, it's comforting.

Dean: What's that?

Sam: I died for a year, came back, and you're still not funny.

Dean: What do you know about dragons?

Bobby: What? Nothing.

Dean: Seriously.

Bobby: Well, they're not like the Loch Ness monster, Dean. Dragons aren't real.

Dean: Could you make a few calls?

Bobby: To who? Hogwarts?!

Dean: (to the rock as he's trying to get the sword out) You rocks think you're so smart.

Sam: Castiel, um...I'm back. So, if you got a minute...

Castiel: Sam. It's so good to see you alive.

Sam: Yeah. You too.

( Castiel walks over to hug Sam, but Sam sits down instead.)

Sam: Um...Look, I-I would hug you, but—

Castiel: —that would be awkward.

Sam: Um...Was a crazy year, huh? I-I-I just talked to Bobby. He—he told me everything that happened.

Castiel: Frankly, I'm surprised that you survived. I was begging Dean not to do it.

Sam: Yeah. No, I-I-I can understand that.

Castiel: You know, it's a miracle it didn't kill you.

Sam: Yeah. Yeah, it's a miracle, all right.

Castiel: So, how does it feel?

Sam: What?

Castiel: Well, to have your soul back, of course.

Sam: Right. Y-you mean 'cause I was walking around with no soul. Uh... Really good, Cas. I'm real good. You know what? I'm—I'm just hazy on a few of the details, though. Um... You think maybe you could...walk me through?

Unforgiven [6.13]

Woman: Where's your partner? The big bald guy? Agent Wynand, right?

Sam: Agent Wynand, of course. Well -

Dean: Sex rehab. Yeah, you've heard of plushies, right?

Dean: One of dad's rules? You never use the same crapper twice.

Sam: Everyone uses the same crapper twice.

Dean: Not us... You know what I mean.

Dean: (leaving a voicemail for Sam) I found the connection between the missing chicks. They all banged the same dude. You.

Dean: My spidey senses are tingling.

Dean: Sam, you-you gotta understand that all that crap last year, all of it, none of it was you.

Sam: Let's be crystal clear, okay? It was me.

Dean: (walks away) Can I get you anything?

Sam: What are you now, my waitress?

Dean: I'm just trying to make you feel better, don't be a bitch.

Sam: Yeah, I'm fine.

Dean: (sarcastic) Yeah, you look fine. (serious) All I'm saying is everything's gonna be okay.

Sam: I don't know Dean, if I did this here, then who knows how many oth— (Sam falls to the floor in a violent seizure)

Dean: Sammy? Sam?! Sammy, talk to me!

(Sam has a flash back to his soul burning and screaming in Hell)

Mannequin 3: The Reckoning [6.14]

Dean: How do you feel?

Sam: Like I got hit by a... planet.

Sam: How long was I out again?

Dean: I'm tellin' you, like two or three minutes. Why, what'd it feel like to you?

Sam: 'bout a week. give or take.

Dean: None of this "it's just a flesh wound" crap.

Sam: Dean, I might have done...who knows what. And you want me to just forget about it?

Dean: You shove it down, and you let it come out in spurts of violence and alcoholism.

Sam: That sounds healthy.

Dean: Well, it works for me.

Sam: That anatomy dummy you were molesting at the lab.

Dean: Excuse me?

Sam: What if that's what this is about?

Dean: What exactly are you accusing me of?

(Ben tricked Dean and Lisa into talking)

Ben: Um...

Dean and Lisa: (in unison) Go to your room.

Lisa: (to Dean) My phone rings, I think: tiny chance it's you, big chance it's Sam calling to tell me you're died.

Dean: (before tricking his possessed Impala to crash into a wall) I'm so sorry, baby.

The French Mistake [6.15]

Makeup girl: Jensen, there you are. Let's just get you in the chair.

Dean: The chair?

Makeup girl: Okay, good. (reaching for a make-up removal wipe) We're just gonna get this make-up off your face.

Dean: What? Hey, I'm not wearing any make-... (looking at a dirty wipe in disbelief) Oh crap. I'm a painted whore!

Dean: They put frickin' make up on us. Those bastards.

Sam: Look, I think I know what this is.

Dean: Okay, what?

Sam: It's a TV show.

Dean: (sarcastic) You think?!

Sam: Well, I mean, here, wherever this is, thi-this Twilight Zone Balthazar zapped us into... for whatever reason, our life is a TV show.

Dean: Why?

Sam: I don't know.

Dean: No, seriously, why? Why would anybody wanna watch our lives?

Sam: Well according to the television reporter, not many people do.

Sam: I'm just saying we landed in some dimension where you're Jensen Ackles, and I'm something called a Jared Padalecki.

Dean: Oh, so what, now you're Polish?!

Dean: (upon seeing the many Impalas on the set, some of which are beaten up) I feel sick. I'm gonna be sick.

Dean: I feel like this whole place is bad touching me.

Dean: Dear Castiel, who art maybe running his ass away from heaven, we pray that you have your ears on. So...Breaker, breaker.

Dean: This isn't Cas.

Sam: Dude, look at him.

Misha: You guys wanna run lines, or...?

Dean: His name is Misha! ... Misha?!

Sam: Oh, wow. (takes Key back from Misha) ... Just great.

(Dean and Sam go away)

Dean: Misha? Jensen? What's with names around here?

Sam: (spotting the actor's trailer) Hey. "J. Ackles."

Dean: That's fake me.

Sam: Yeah.

Dean: This must be fake mine. (upon entering the trailer) Dude, I have a helicopter!

Sam: Wow, alright, who puts a 300-gallon aquarium in their trailer?

Dean: Apparently Jensen Ackles.

Sam: (rolling his eyes) Huh.

Sam: If there's a key, then there has to be a lock. And when we find the lock, we can get the weapons, and then we can have the weapons. And the lock, we'll also have the lock, I imagine because we've opened it, and of course, the initial key... a-and...

Dean: (abnormally deep voice) We need to get all three of that crap.

Sam: What?

Dean: That's how he does it!

Bob: Jared and Jensen were seen beating an extra to death.

Sarah: Huh.

Jim: This is Jim here Sarah, and it wasn't all the way to death. So that's a plus.

Dean: (about Raphael) Dude looks like a lady.

Sam: (hitting a wall in Bobby's house) Solid. (with relief) It's real. Nice.

Dean: Yeah. Yeah, real, moldy, termite-eaten home sweet home. Chock full of crap that want to skin you. Oh, and uh, we're broke again.

Sam: (sarcastic) Yeah. But, hey... at least we're talking.

...And Then There Were None [6.16]

Eve: God doesn't care about you.

Rick: Sure He does.

Eve: Your Father made you and then abandoned you. So you pray. You see signs where there's nothing. But truth is, your Apocalypse came and went, and you didn't even notice. A mother would never abandon her children like He did. You'll see.

Dean: I'm not in the mood. I just had a 12 inch herpe crawl out of my ear!

Sam: What?

Dean: You heard me.

Sam: You saying he wasn't a monster when I ganked him?

Rufus: One way to find out. Bobby, you got a cranial saw in the car?

Bobby: Of course.

Rufus: I want you and you to watch... Okay, I want you and you to watch him and him and... Alright if anything crawls out of anybodies somebody step on it.

Sam: What he did to us... but...

Dean: There's a but?

Sam: I just can't help but think, what would Mom say?

Dean: You know what I think Mom would say? She'd say, "Just 'cause you're blood doesn't make you family. You gotta earn that."

Rufus: [to Dean, Sam, Bobby] This can't be my afterlife because the three of you are here.

Dean: Hey there, you little herpe.

Sam: Why do you keep talking about herpes?

Dean: What? I don't. Shut up. Shut up!

Dean: Who is she, this Eve bitch?

Slug: The Mother of All of us. And the end of all of you. By the time she's done, there'll be more creatures than humans. You'll live in pens. We'll serve up your young and call it veal.

Bobby: It was Omaha. It was my fault. And he never let it go.

Dean: Well, he should have.

Bobby: You don't know what I did, Dean.

Dean: It doesn't matter.

Bobby: What do you mean, it doesn't...?

Dean: I mean, at the end of the day, you two are family. Life's short, and ours are shorter than most. We gonna spend it wringing our hands? Something's going to get us, eventually. And when my guts get ripped out, just so you two know, we're good. Blanket apology for all the crap that anybody's done, all the way around.

Sam: Some of us pulled a lot of crap, Dean.

Dean: Well, clean slate.

Sam: Okay.

My Heart Will Go On [6.17]

Bobby: You two just going to stand there like the ugly girl at the prom, or you gonna pitch in? This so-called Eve mother, whatever, ain't gonna gank herself.

Dean: I mean, accidents just don't happen accidentally. (Sam stares) You know what I mean.

Dean: Can you tell me anything noteworthy about the Russos?

Shawn Russo: Noteworthy? No. I mean, not exactly. Average. You know, big, from Italy.

Dean: I see. Uh, was anyone ever killed or maimed in a war? Or, you know, some other violent thing?

Shawn Russo: What do you mean?

Dean: Like something so dark that it would sully future generations.

Shawn Russo: Uh, no.

Dean: Good. Good stuff. Anyone own a slave?

Shawn Russo: What?

Dean: Routine question. Any ties to the Nazi Party?

Shawn Russo: Excuse me?

Dean: Did Grandma ever piss off a gypsy?

Shawn Russo: Okay. You know what? I don't know what kind of study you're doing, but it's over. Right now.

Sam: Why?

Balthazar: Why what?

Dean: Why did you unsink the ship?

Balthazar: Because I hated the movie.

Dean: What movie?

Balthazar: Exactly.

Sam: Wait. So you saved a cruise liner because...?

Balthazar: Because that god-awful Celine Dion song made me want to smite myself.

Sam: Who's Celine Dion?

Balthazar: Oh, she's a destitute lounge singer somewhere in Quebec, and let's keep it that way, please.

Sam: But now those people and their kids and their kids' kids... they must have interacted with-with so many other people, changed so much crap... you totally butterfly-effected history.

Dean: Dude, dude, rule one. No Kutcher references.

Balthazar: Anyway, let's agree, I did a good thing. One less Billy Zane movie and I saved two of your closest friends.

Balthazar: Sorry, you have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who's in love with you. I don't care.

Dean: What'd she look like?

Sam: Kinda like a librarian.

Dean: Your kind of librarian, or my kind of librarian?

Sam: Well, she was wearing clothes, if that's what you mean.

Balthazar: Uh, sweetie, before we go, I could remove that stick from...

Atropos: Don't try me.

Balthazar: We'll leave it inserted, then.

Dean: So... wait, did--did Balthazar really, uh... unravel a sweater over a chick flick?

Castiel: Yes. Absolutely, that's what he did.

Dean: Wow, well, might be time to take away his cable privileges. Besides, Titanic didn't suck that bad. (Sam stares) Winslet's rack. (Castiel leaves) Well, I'll tell you one thing about Cas, he does not appreciate the finer things.

Frontierland [6.18]

Bobby: Either of you jokers ever heard anything about a Phoenix?

Dean: River, Joaquin, or the giant flaming bird?

Dean: We'll Star Trek IV this bitch.

Bobby: I only watched Deep Space Nine.

Dean: It's like I don't even know you guys anymore. Star Trek IV. Save the whales.

Castiel: You only have 24 hours.

Sam: What? Why?

Castiel: Well, the answer to your question can best be expressed as a series of partial differential equations...

Bobby: Yeah, aim lower.

Sam: Look, just because you're obsessed with all that Wild West stuff.

Dean: No I'm not.

Sam: You have a fetish.

Dean: Shut up. I like old movies.

Sam: You can recite every Clint Eastwood movie ever made, line-for-line.

Bobby: Even the monkey movies?

Sam: Yeah. Especially the monkey movies.

Dean: His name is Clyde.

Bobby: You goin' to a hoedown?

Castiel: Now is it, is it customary to wear a blanket?

Dean: It's a serape. And yes, it's a... never mind, let's just go.

Sheriff: So what can I do for you, boys?

Sam: Uh we're looking for a man.

Judge Mortimer: I'll bet. Nice shirt there.

Dean: What's wrong with my shirt?

Judge Mortimer: You're very clean.

Dean: It's dirtier than it looks.

Dean: Maybe you got to go find him and make history. I'll stay here, hook up with the posse. Because you know me. I'm a posse magnet. I mean, I love posse. Make that into a t-shirt.

Sam: You done?

Dean: You know what this means?

Bobby: Yeah, I didn't get a soul-onoscopy for nothing.

Mommy Dearest [6.19]

Bobby: I'm thinkin' maybe it's time you made a call.

Dean: Why's it always got to be me that makes the call, huh? It's not like Cas lives in my ass. The dude's busy. (Castiel appears right behind him) Cas, get out of my ass!

Castiel: I was never in your... have you made any progress in locating Eve?

Castiel: I'll search the town. Give me a moment. (stares off into space)

Dean: Cas, we can still see you.

Castiel: Yeah, I'm still here.

Dean: Okay, you don't have to wait on us. (Castiel tries again) Well, now it just looks like you're pooping.

Castiel: I'm powerless.

Dean: You're joking.

Castiel: Something in this town is, uh... it's affecting me. I assume it's Eve.

Dean: So, wait. Mom's making you limp?

Castiel: Figuratively, yes.

Dean: How?

Castiel: I don't know, but she is.

Dean: Oh, well, that's great, 'cause without your power, you're basically just a baby in a trench coat. (Castiel looks away)

Sam: I think you hurt his feelings.

Castiel: I'm fairly unpracticed with firearms.

Dean: You know who whines? Babies.

Dean: The question is why? What does she want with a... what do you call these?

Bobby: Well, congrats, you discovered it, you get to name it.

Dean: "Jefferson Starships." Huh? Because they're horrible, and hard to kill.

Sam: It looks like the entire bar has been turned into these-

Dean: Jefferson Starships.

Sam: Fine. But why are all... the Starships dead?

Bobby: They won't take long.

Castiel: You don't know that. They may find more wayward orphans along the way.

Bobby: Oh, don't get cute.

Castiel: Right. Pardon me for highlighting their crippling and dangerous empathetic response with "sarcasm." It's a bad idea letting them go.

Bobby: Come on. You don't let Sam and Dean Winchester do squat. They do what they gotta, you know that.

Dean: There's one way to draw her out. Me and Sam will go in.

Bobby: Dean!

Dean: Look, if we don't get a shot off you two better.

Bobby: That's the plan?

Dean: Yeah. Pretty much.

Bobby: Well, at least it ain't complicated.

Dean: Is there anybody in this diner that is not a flesh-eating monster?

Sam: Uh, me and you.

Eve: Relax. I'm not here to fight.

Dean: No. Just to rally every freak on the planet. Bring in Khan worms and--and half-assed Spidermen. And dragons. Really, sister? Dragons?

Eve: So I dusted off some of the old classics. I needed help.

The Man Who Would Be King [6.20]

Castiel: I remember being at a shoreline, watching a little grey fish heave itself up on the beach. And an older brother saying, "Don't step on that fish Castiel, big plans for that fish." I remember the the Tower of Babel - all 37 feet of it, which I suppose was impressive at the time. And when it fell they howled, "Divine Wrath!" But come on, dried dung can only be stacked so high.

Crowley: Chocula here feels every tickle.

Castiel: What is that good for?

Crowley: Apart from the obvious erotic value, you got me.

Crowley: You screwed up, Cass. You let the hounds mangle the pheasant, and now I am up to my elbows in it.

Castiel: What is your point?

Crowley: My point is, you're distracted, and that makes me nervous.

Castiel: I am holding up my end.

Crowley: Ah yes, but is that all you're holding, huh? See, the stench of that Impala's all over your overcoat, angel. I thought we'd agreed, no more nights out with the boys.

Crowley: Am I the only game piece on the board who doesn't underestimate those denim-wrapped nightmares?!

Castiel: God wants you to have freedom.

Rachel: But what does he want us to do with it?

Castiel: [narrating] If I knew then what I know now, I might have said; 'It's simple. Freedom is a length of rope, God wants you to hang yourself with it.' Those first weeks back in Heaven were surprisingly difficult. Explaining freedom to angels is a bit like teaching poetry to fish.

Castiel: Whose Heaven is this?

Raphael: Ken Lay's. I'm borrowing it.

Castiel: I still question his admittance here.

Raphael: He's devout. Trumps everything.

Raphael: Do I look like I'm joking?

Castiel: You never look like you're joking.

Cas: (referring to freeing Lucifer and Michael) Then I won't let you

Raphael: Really? You? (holds up one hand and a flash of light appears. Cas is shown on the ground coughing up blood)

Cas: (narrating) I'm not ashamed to say that my big brother knocked me into next week.

Raphael: Tomorrow you kneel, Castiel, or you and anyone with you dies.

Crowley: The problem with the old place was most of the inmates were masochists already. A lot of "thank you sir, can I have another hot poker up the jacksy?"

Crowley: Just look at them. No one likes waiting in line.

Castiel: What happens when they reach the front?

Crowley: Nothing. They get right back to the end again. That's efficiency.

Castiel: What can I do besides submit or die?

Crowley: Submit or die? What are you, French?

Dean: You know who spies on people, Cas? Spies.

Castiel: If you touch the Winchesters...

Crowley: Please. I heard you the first time. I promise -- nary a hair on their artfully tousled heads. Besides, I think they've proven my point for me. It's always your friends, isn't it, in the end? We try to change. We try to improve ourselves. It's always our friends who got to claw into our sides and-and hold us back. But you know what I see here? The new God [pointing at Castiel] and the new Devil, working together.

Castiel: Enough! Stop talking. And get out of my sight.

Crowley: Well... Glad I came. You're welcome, by the way. You know the difference between you and me? I know what I am. What are you, Castiel? What exactly are you willing to do?

Castiel: You're the one who taught me that freedom and free will...

Dean: You're a freaking child, you know that? Just because you can do what you want, doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want.

Crowley: Castiel you got what they call 'sex appeal'

Castiel: Thank you

Let it Bleed [6.21]

Bobby: Our pal, Cas, didn't stop in last night just to mend fences.

Dean: What did he do?

Bobby: Stole something.

Dean: What?

Bobby: The journal of one Moishe Campbell.

Sam: Moishe?

Bobby: Of the New York Campbells.

Sam: Wha- uh... So we gotta get it back. Right?

Bobby: Or just read the copy I already made. Hi, glad to meet you. Bobby Singer: paranoid bastard.

Dean: Who's this Phillips guy?

Bobby: Phillips ain't his last name. It's Lovecraft.

Sam: H.P. Lovecraft? Let me see that.

Dean: Am I supposed to know who that is?

Sam: Horror writer? "At the Mountains of Madness"? "The Call of Cthulu"?

Dean: Yeah, no I was too busy having sex with women.

Crowley: God, how long's it been, Dean? Since my so-called demise, yes?

Dean: Crowley. Let them go now, or I swear-

Crowley: Right, right, you'll rip me a cornucopia of orifices.

Castiel: You are not to harm them, do you understand me?

Crowley: You know what? You're maxed out on putting humans out of bounds.

Dean: I don't believe a word that's coming out of your mouth.

Castiel: I thought you said that we were like family. Well, I think that too. Shouldn't trust run both ways?

Dean: Cas, I just can't.

Castiel: Dean, I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call. And I am your friend, still, despite your lack of faith in me, and now your threats. I just saved you, yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you? All I ask is this one thing.

Dean: Trust your plan to pop Purgatory?

Castiel: I've earned that Dean.

Balthazar: I know I'm going to live to regret this, but... I'm officially... on your team. You bastards.

Dean: And we should believe you why?

Balthazar: Would you believe I had a shred of decency?

Sam: No.

Balthazar: Aww. That hurts. Okay you're right.

Sam: Dean, you know you have pulled some shady crap before but this... has got to be the worst. Whitewashing their memories? Take it somebody who knows-

Dean: You ever mention Lisa or Ben to me again I will break your nose.

Sam: Dean-

Dean: (near tears) I'm not kidding.

The Man Who Knew Too Much [6.22]

Bartender: So, where do we start?

Sam: Uh, ground floor, corner room, nearest to the fire escape. That's the one I'd pick, quickest getaway.

Bartender: And why do you know that?

Castiel: Rest assured, when this is all over, I will save Sam. But only if you stand down.

Dean: Save Sam from what? (Cas appears behind Sam and knocks him out with a touch.)

Dean: I can't just sit here, Bobby, I have got to help him.

Bobby: Dean...

Dean: Dreamscape his noggin, something.

Bobby: You know what Cas did. The dam inside your brother's head is gone, and all hell's spilling loose. We don't know what's going on inside there.

Dean: I don't care.

Soulless Sam: My God. Am I really that gawky?

Sam: This is impossible.

Soulless Sam: Cold. Try again.

Sam: I'm a... I'm hallucinating.

Soulless Sam: Warmer. But see, normally, you're awake when you're tripping balls.

Sam: I'm dreaming?

Soulless Sam: And someone just won a copy of the home game. We're inside your grapefruit Sam. Son, you've been juiced.

Sam: I-I don't remember anything.

Soulless Sam: Well, your BFF Cas brought the hell-wall tumbling down, and you, pathetic infant that you are, shattered into pieces.

Soulless Sam: You think I'm bad. Wait 'til you meet the other one.

Balthazar: Well at least you mudfish finally got the angel-proofing right. (points at Sam) How's sleeping beauty? You didn't steal any kisses, I trust.

Castiel: I'm renegotiating our terms.

Crowley: Is that so? What terms do you propose?

Castiel: You get nothing. Not one single soul.

Crowley: Kind of noticed, it seems a bit unfairly weighted.

Sam: Hey. HEY!

Tortured Sam: Oh, hi Sam.

Sam: So. Which one are you?

Tortured Sam: Don't you know? (stands up to show his face, which is harrowed.) I'm the one that remembers Hell.

Tortured Sam: I wish you hadn't come, Sam.

Sam: I had to. I'm here, right? Out there in the real world, I'm at Bobby's, aren't I?

Tortured Sam: How do you know?

Sam: This whole time, I've smelled nothing but Old Spice and whiskey. Figured if I could get back here, back to my body I could, I don't know, I could snap out of it somehow.

Tortured Sam: First you have to go through me.

Sam: Why?

Tortured Sam: Humpty-dumpty has to put himself back together again before you wake up. And I'm the last piece.

Sam: Which means I have to know what you know. What happened in the cage?

Tortured Sam: Trust me. You don't want to know it.

Sam: You're right. But I still have to

Tortured Sam: Sam, you can't imagine... Stay here. Go back, find that bartender, go find Jess, but don't do this. I know you. You're not strong enough.

Sam: We'll just have to see

Tortured Sam: Why is this so important to you?

Sam: You know me. You know why. I'm not leaving my brother alone out there.

Tortured Sam: (picks up a knife and holds it out to Sam) I'm not gonna fight you. But this is your last chance. (Sam takes the knife.) Good luck. You're gonna need it. (Sam stabs him, absorbing his memories.)

Crowley: (After the spell fails) Mm-hmm. Maybe I said it wrong.

Castiel: You said it perfectly. But what you needed was this (holds up real blood jar.)

Crowley: I see. And we've been working with (tastes it) dog blood. Naturally.

Raphael: Enough of these games, Castiel. Give us the blood.

Crowley: You... Game's over. His jar's empty. So, Castiel, how did your ritual go? Better than ours, I'll bet.

Castiel: You can't imagine what it's like. They are all inside me, Millions upon millions of souls.

Crowley: Sounds sexy. Exit stage Crowley. (Crowley disappears)

Castiel: You're not my family, Dean. I have no family.

Castiel: The angel blade won't work. Because I'm not an angel anymore. I'm your new God. A better one. So you will bow down, and profess your love unto me, your Lord, or I shall destroy you.

Season 7

Meet The New Boss [7.01]

Castiel: Once you were my favorite pets before you turned and bit me.

Sam: What new boss?

Crowley: Castiel, you giraffe.

Bobby: Is your boss?

Crowley: He's everybody's boss! What do you think he's going to do when he finds out we've been conspiring? You do... want to conspire, don't you?

Bobby: No, we want you to just stand there and look pretty.

Dean: Excuse me, do you have any Grey Poupon?

Death: Please, Cas. I know God, and you, sir, are no God.

Death: (to Cas) Stupid little soldier you are.

Death: Annoying little Protozoa, aren't they?

Hello, Cruel World [7.02]

Dean: That’s 12 hours straight. I’m calling that rested. Here - hydrate and, um, protein-ate.

Sam: Breakfast in bed.

Dean: Don’t get used to it.

Dean: Well now wait, I got it. Why would the Devil holodeck you a whole new life when he could just kick your ass all over the Cage?

Sam: ‘Cause, as he puts it...

Sam and Hallucifer Together: You can’t torture someone who has nothing left for you to take away.

Hallucifer : Very good, Sam.

Dean : Okay, fine. But this Malibu dream mansion that he, he, he makes for you to take away is this post-apocalyptic mess?

Hallucifer : It had to be a mess, Sam, or you wouldn’t believe it was your life.

Dean : Wait. Are you seeing him right now?

[Sam nods.]

Dean : You know that he’s not real. Right?

Sam: He says the same thing about you.

Bobby: Course. You just lost one of the best friends you ever had, your brother's in the bell jar, and purgatory's most wanted are surfing the sewer lines, but you know, yeah, I get it. You're fine.

Mrs Hackett: Did you know a study showed that 3/4 of doctors cheat on their exams? He might not know your appendix from your vagina.

Dean: If you think I'm leaving you here alone...

Bobby: Hey, what am I, chopped brains on toast?

Bobby: Either Sheriff Mills is having an ObamaCare insured opium dream, or something's eating folks down at Sioux Falls General Hospital.

Edgar: Why can't they scream?

Dr Gaines: Oh, I severed their vocal chords, of course. It was a delicate procedure, but very doable.

Sheriff Jodie Mills: Bobby Singer - my hero!

Bobby: That's the roofies talking

Dean: I am your flesh-and-blood brother, okay? I'm the only one who can legitimately kick your ass in real time. You got away. We got you out, Sammy. Believe in that. Believe me, okay? You gotta believe me. You've gotta make it stone number one and build on it.

Dean: You cannot be in that crater back there. I can't… If you're gone, I swear I am gonna strap my Beautiful Mind brother into the car and I'm gonna drive us off the pier.

The Girl Next Door [7.03]

Dean: Where's the pie?

Sam: You got cake. That's close enough, right?

Young Amy: All the coolest people are freaks.

Dean: (after punching Sam for taking the Impala) New rule, you steal my baby, you get punched! What the hell were you thinking Sam! Running off like that! For all I know Satan could've been callin' your plays.

Young Sam: We're always on the road...I've seen the world's biggest Ball of Twine twice.

Young Amy: Three times! Not that big.

Young Sam: Right?

Young Sam: That's my dad and brother in the Impala. You're a monster.

Young Amy: You're a hunter. So you're supposed to kill me? And I'm supposed to kill you?

Leviathan: Plain old people taste fine, but everything is better with cheese.

Sam: Look I see the way you look at me Dean - like I'm a grenade and you're waiting for me to go off.

Dean: Sam...

Sam: I'm not going off. Look I might be a freak but that's not the same as dangerous.

Defending Your Life [7.04]

Sam: (about the EMF meter) It's going crazy. Some kind of ghost maybe?

Dean: With a license? A license to kill!

Sam: Objection!

Osiris: Grounds?

Sam: Witnesses being called without prior notice.

Dean: Good one!

Sam: I saw it on The Good Wife

Dean: Wait a second, do dogs even have ghosts?

Osiris: Don’t you think that your brother dragged you back into that catastrophic mess because he’d rather damn you with him than be alone?

Jo: He was right about one thing, you know.

Dean: What, your massive crush on me?

Jo: (smiling) Shut up. You carry all kinds of crap you don't have to Dean. Kind of gets clearer when you're dead.

Dean: Well in that case you should able to see I am 90% crap. I get rid of that, what then?

Jo: You really want to die not knowing?

Jo: You know, I'd never do this.

Dean: I know.

Jo: I guess it's his thing. Some kind of twisted eye for an eye.

Dean: Its okay.

Jo: No, it's not. You deserved better.

Dean: No, you did. You deserved better Jo.

Jo: Dean, my life was good. Really.

Dean: He was right you know, that dick judge - about me.

Jo: No, he wasn't.

Dean: You were a kid.

Jo: Not true.

Dean: You and Sam. And I just, you know... Hunters are never kids. I never was. I didn't stop to think about it.

Jo: It's not your fault. It wasn't on you.

Dean: No, but I didn't want to do it alone. Who does? The right thing would have been to send your ass back home to your mom.

Shut Up, Dr. Phil [7.05]

Dean: You might see things different now, call it a runner’s high or something. But that doesn’t mean something is going on with me. Okay?

Sam: Yeah, okay.

Dean: No, don’t say 'yeah, okay', like [mocks him] 'Yeah, okay'.

Sam: Yeah, okay.

Dean: It's kind of like Bewitched. Don's Darrin, doesn't even know it, lots of laughs until you cheat on your wife

Sam: A Bewitched reference. Really?

Dean: Hey, Nicole Kidman was in the remake. Redhead, hello!

Dean: That means we've got not just one pissed off witch, but two. It's full on War of the Roses.

Don Stark: Does 1492 ring any bells?

Maggie Stark: The man was about to set sail! He could possibly fall of the edge of the Earth! I took pity. So?

Don: I told you! Nothing happened with the Medici chick!

Slash Fiction [7.06]

Frank Devereaux: Well I'll be darned. Psycho Butch and Sundance.

Dean: Nobody puts baby in a corner!

Sam: You know that's a line from...

Dean: Swayze movie! Swayze always gets a pass!

Leviathan Dean: (talking about a burger) You know, he has one of these every day? And in his heart, he thinks they're almost as good as sex. This? (gesturing with the burger) Is disgusting.

Leviathan Sam: (pushing away his own plate) Dead plants with creamy goo. It's like eating self-righteousness.

Leviathan Sam: You know I had a brother with this many issues once.

Leviathan Dean: Yeah?

Leviathan Sam: You know what I did?

Leviathan Dean: Mmm?

Leviathan Sam: I ate him.

Leviathan Dean: Of course you did.

Leviathan Sam: Idea: you want to trade? I mean, I'll take "Chuckles" over "Schizo".

Leviathan Dean: No, I like this one's hair better. You can stay in the big one.

The Mentalists [7.07]

Waiter: (to Dean) You're a virile manifestation of the divine.

Sam: He broke my spoon.

Museum Curator: I'm sorry I don't normally do this during business hours, but do you know an Eleanor or an Ellen? She seems quite concerned about you. She wants to tell you, pardon me, if you don't tell someone how bad it really is? She'll kick your ass from beyond. You have to trust someone again, eventually

Season Seven, Time for a Wedding! [7.08]

Garth: He said you’d be all surly and premenstrual working with me.

Crowley: I have one rule: make a deal, keep it.

Guy: Well technically, I didn't...

Crowley: There's a reason we don't call our chips in early: consumer confidence. This isn’t Wall Street, this is Hell! We have a little something called integrity. If this gets out, who'll deal with us? Nobody! Then, where are we?

Guy: I don't know.

Crowley: That's right, you don't, because you're a stupid, short-sighted little prat. Now, hand the jackass over, I'll cancel every deal he's made.

Dean: What are you going to do with him?

Crowley: Make an example of him.

How to Win Friends And Influence Monsters [7.09]

Brandon: Sidewinder soup and salad combo goes to Big Bird. TDK Slammer to Ken Doll. And a little Heart Smart for Creepy Uncle.

Bobby: You don't shoot Bambi, jackass. You shoot Bambi's mother.

Dean: I think you pissed off my sandwich.

Dean: Remember when Crowley kept going on about hating Dick? *brief pause* well, I thought he was just being general.

Sam: Okay, so whatever turned Gerry Browder into a Pumpkinhead...and is currently turning Dean into an idiot.

Dean: I'm right here, right here

Sam: So you think [Dean]'s okay?

Bobby: Yeah, he's alright

Sam: Good. So... you don't worry about him?

Bobby: You mean before the turducken?

Sam: Yeah. I kinda mean, well, like ever since my head broke, and we lost Cas. You ever feel like he's going through the same motions but he's not the same Dean, ya know?

Bobby: How could he be?

Death's Door [7.10]

Bobby's Mom: Why do you always provoke him?

Bobby's Dad: Because he's a bad kid, that's why.

Bobby: Well, that's a load of crap! Who the hell were you to say?

Bobby's Dad: I'm your father, and you show your father respect.

Bobby: The day he deserves it, you drunken bully! Punching women and kids, is that what they called "fatherhood" in your day?!

Bobby's Dad: You deserved it, believe me, you were nothing but ungrateful.

Bobby: I was a kid! Kids ain't supposed to be grateful! They're supposed to eat your food and break your heart, you selfish dick! You died, and I was still so afraid I'd turn into you, I never even had kids of my own!

Bobby's Dad: Good. You break everything you touch.

Bobby: ... uh-huh; well, as fate would have it, I adopted two boys and they grew up great. They grew up heroes! So you can go to hell!

Karen: You were expecting Farrah Fawcett?

Bobby: No, she always calls first.

Sam: *two dvds, one of Chuck Norris and Jet Li come into focus* I'm just saying, look, you can't really compare.

Dean: I don't even know you right now. There's not even a contest.

Sam: It depends on the criteria.

Dean: Survival is the only criteria. All right, and when the crap hits the fan, it's not about who has skill. It's about who's the bigger bad ass. *looks over at Bobby* Bobby, will you please tell Sam that Chuck Norris could kick Jet Li's ass. *continues to look at Bobby, who is still not with it, Sam looks on as well* *to Bobby, like nothing's wrong* Could you grab me a beer while you're in there?

Reaper: Bobby... you've helped. You got handed a small, unremarkable life, and you did something with it. Most men like you die of liver disease, watching Barney Miller reruns. You've done enough. Believe me.

Bobby: I don't care.

Reaper: Why?

Bobby: Because they're my boys.

Reaper: This is your last chance to come with me, and move on. For your own good, Bobby, let go... they'll be okay without you.

Bobby: Last memory, huh? Glad I saved the best for last.

Dean: Alright scoot, jerkface, show your elders some respect.

Sam: You scoot, asshat. *tosses popcorn at Dean*

Dean: Did we get licorice?

Sam: No, we did not get licorice, we got good snacks. Licorice is disgusting.

Dean: I'm sorry, I-I didn't quite understand that, uh Mr. Peanut Butter-and-Banana-Sandwiches?

Sam: You know what, I stand by that sandwich! Nobody likes licorice, it-it's made of dirt!

Dean: It is a classic movie food! It's right up there with popcorn!

Sam: Popcorn, really?

Dean: Yes!

Sam: You're outta your mind!

Dean: What, it's like little chewy pieces of heaven!

Sam: Chewy pieces of heaven if you're a girl!

Bobby: [watches as Dean and Sam fade away]

Reaper: Well, Bobby? Stay or go, what's it gonna be?

Adventures in Babysitting [7.11]

Frank: Sure you're not a Leviathan. Dick Roman's not a Leviathan. Gwyneth Paltrow's not a Leviathan...

Frank: You think it's this easy to see inside what's real, and also be bi-polar with delusional ideation. There's no pill for my situation sweetie-pop, so yeah the big mouths are onto me. Next question!

Dean: What was she doing?

Frank: Being a naughty, bossy little girl.

Dean: I'd hate to ask for that in the non-porno version.

Dean: I'm not gonna quit. That's not even an option. I'm not gonna walk out on my brother.

Frank: Okay then, fine. Do what I did.

Dean: What - go native? Stock up on C-rations?

Frank: No, cupcake. What I did when I was 26 and came home to find my wife and two kids gutted on the floor. Decide to be fine til the end of the week. Make yourself smile because you're alive and that's your job. And do it again the next week.

Dean: So, fake it?

Frank: I call it being professional. Do it right, with a smile, or don't do it.

Frank: Did I mention you look awful?

Dean: Yes, maybe because someone I cared about just got shot in the head. And this is like shoving a rock up a hill. And...screw you.

Dean: You could too, you know. Go to college. Be a hunter slash pediatrician.

Krissy: What century is this? No one fist bumps anymore.

Dean: C'mon. Give it up!

Krissy: You're a dweeb

Lee: Ever know anyone who left the life?

Dean: No - they all get killed first.

Time After Time [7.12]

Sam: I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I hope you're watching cartoon smut, because reading Dick Roman crap over and over again is just self punishment.

Dean: It's called anime. And it's an art form.

Sam: What, you going to look at more anime or are you strictly into Dick now?

Dean: Does this mean that I'm an Untouchable now?

Sam: What's the plan here?

Dean: Don't die.

Dean: How does paper beat a rock? It's stupid.

Eliot: Why do you think I went after Capone in the first place? Guy made the best hooch in Chicago.

Eliot: Let's go kill that bastard. Because that...

Dean: (Imitating Sean Connery) Is the Chicago way.

Ezra: Chicago way?

Eliot: Who the hell talks like that?

Dean: Sean Connery.

Ezra: So what bucket of syrup did you two idjits step into?

Eliot: Boo hoo, cry me a river, ya nancy! Tell me, are all hunters as soft as you in the future?

Eliot: So enjoy it while it lasts, kid, 'cause hunting's the only clarity you're gonna find in this life. And that makes you luckier than most.

Chronos You want to know your future? I know your future. It's covered in thick black ooze. It's everywhere. They're everywhere. Enjoy oblivion.

Sheriff Mills: Do I have to use my mom voice...(sleepy sam see his name in the wall)...Alright you asked for it Young Man

The Slice Girls [7.13]

Dean: Anyway, I--I left the flask over here the other night.

Lydia: Yes, I found it. It was so beat up and old, I almost tossed it.

Dean: Yeah, well, the guy it belonged to was beat-up and old, too. But I was very close with him and I'd hate to lose it.

Dean: I'll admit, it could be in the general vicinity of the ballpark of our kind of thing.

Sam: Yeah, uh, "didn't match anything human" usually seals the deal for me.

Dean: I know Bobby's got a Grecian encyclopedia of weird in here. I saw it last time I was looking through this stupid... Would it kill him to have a system?

Sam: He has a system. His files are set up like his brain.

Morrison: Wherever did you get it?

Sam: Uh, uh, uh crazy drunk old genius.

Morrison: Yeah, they always have the good stuff.

Emma: You're a good man. My mother told me that.

Dean: I seriously doubt she said that. And if you knew me you would seriously doubt it's true.

Dean: You're just as screwed up as I am, you're just...bigger.

Sam: Dean, the thing is, tonight... It almost got you killed. Now, I don't care how you deal. I really, really don't. But just don't -- don't get killed.

Dean: I'll do what I can.

Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie [7.14]

Sam: So, we got dick on Dick?

Dean: That's a vivid way of putting it.

Dean: Hey, you spawn a monster baby and see how quick you want to dive back in the pool.

Dean: So what are we looking for? Octovamp? Vamptopus?

Cliff: If this is about the meth lab that fireballed up in Butte, it wasn't me. Okay, it was my brother, but, um, we got the same fingerprints.

[Sam pulls up to where Dean is waiting and gets out of the car, soaking wet and covered with glitter.]

Sam: [trying to be nonchalant] Hey. We ready? [off Dean's look, he sighs and spreads his arms] Okay, just say it.

Dean: [cracking up] I'm sorry, you look like you got attacked by some PCP-crazed strippers.

Dean: [trying to contain his laughter] Sam, I'm sorry for psychologically scarring you.

Sam: Which time?

Dean: No, I mean it. Leaving you there on your own, that was a dick move.

Sam: You know what? I actually feel pretty good about it. Getting my ass kicked by those juggalos was therapeutic.

Dean: You faced your fears.

Sam: And now what more could a clown possibly do to me?

Dean: You scared of robots?

Tyler: (points to his eyes) They have laser eyes!

Sam: If it bleeds, you can kill it.

Dean: You mainlined the Kool-Aid, huh?

Dean: Shark week man. How do you not watch that? Whole week of sharks!

Repo Man [7.15]

Dean's Voicemail: Leave your name, number and nightmare at the tone.

Hallucifer: Oh well, that's every cell phone Dean's got. One of them should have picked up, right. Big brother's probably dead.

Sam: Shut up.

Hallucifer: He said "shut up" to me.

Dean: He was a psychopath, Sam. That's what they do all the time is act. Act like they're normal. Act like they're not balls to the wall crazy.

Hallucifer: That's what I'm talking about, Sam! Real interaction again, I miss that! The rapier wit - the wittier rape - come on, I'll be good, I'll even help you solve your little Nancy Drew mystery or whatever.

Sam: A demon summoning; why?

Hallucifer: Why? To summon a demon, jackass.

Jeffrey: I was a wreck, an emotional shell, a drunk. I was suicidal.

Dean: I don't usually endorse suicide, but, man, what stopped you?

Hallucifer: Come on Sam, say it with me now...goooood morning Vietnam!

Out With the Old [7.16]

Dean: Dancers. They are toe shoes full of crazy.

Sam: And you would know this how?

Dean: I saw Black Swan. Twice. Hot tutu-on-tutu action. Come on, Sam, what's wrong with you?

Sam: Wow. The depths of your...

Sam: (about the ballet shoes) Do they... look like they're... your size?

Dean: Shut up.

Sam: Wait, a-are you –

Dean: Getting the strong urge to Prince Siegfried myself into oblivion? Yes.

Sam: You really did see "Black Swan."

Dean: You know, I wonder how old porn kills you.

Sam: Pretty sure you don't want to know.

Dean: Frank, hey, I don't mean to double-dip in your crazy sauce. No offense.

Frank: None taken, Fudge Pop.

Dean: Think you can crack it?

Frank: Can a dog play poker?

Dean: I don't...

Frank: The answer is "yes."

Sam: Hey, with enough curse mojo you can turn a freaking pencil into a weapon of mass destruction.

George: How 'bout you make me a new one?

Barista: How 'bout you eat me?

George: Don't tempt me.

Frank: Call me if you don't die.

Dean: Could be a dead end.But I hear they have good coffee in Portland.

Sam: Dude, that's Seattle.

The Born-Again Identity [7.17]

Hallucifer: Tell the nice tweaker you’d be sleeping right now if the devil would leave you alone...

Dean: How are you feeling?

Sam: (Chuckling) Maybe you should cancel my UFC fight.

Hallucifer: Yeah. Keep that sense of humor, Sam. It’ll get you through this.

Dean: Sam, I’m gonna find you help.

Hallucifer: (Scoffs lightly) Now, that sounded a little cynical.

Sam: I don’t think it’s out there, Dean.

Dean: We don’t know that.

Sam: We know better than most. It’s all snake oil. Last faith healer we hooked up with had a reaper on a leash.Remember?

Dean: (Sighs) Yeah…Sam, I remember.

Sam: I’m just saying…

Dean: What? That you don’t want my help?

Sam: No, I’m just saying (sighs) Don’t do this to yourself.

Dean: If I don't find something...

Sam: Then I'll die.

Hallucifer: Oh - you're upsetting me!

Sam: Dean, we knew this was coming.

Dean: No...

Sam: When you shoved my soul back in, Cas warned you about all the crap it would...

Dean: Screw Cas. Quit being Dalai-friggin-Yoda about this. Get pissed!

Sam: I'm too tired.

Emmanuel/Castiel: You’re angry.

Dean: Well, yeah. Dude broke my brother’s head.

Emmanuel/Castiel: He betrayed you, this dude. He was your friend?

Dean: Yeah, well, he’s gone.

Dean: What Cass did…I just can’t – I don’t know why.

Emmanuel/Castiel: Well, it doesn’t matter why.

Dean: Of course it matters.

Emmanuel/Castiel: No. You’re not a machine, Dean. You’re human.

Emmanuel/Castiel: Your friend's name was Cas? That's an odd name.

Marin: I saw you yesterday, you didn’t look too happy with your in flight meal.

Sam: [to Marin; Lucifer blows through the salt circle] You're gonna have to do this on your own. It's okay. I'm okay. I'm just having a little...

Lucifer: Brown acid moment.

Sam: ...dizzy thing. It'll pass.

Lucifer: Definitely. When your heart stops.

Meg: You're an angel.

Emmanuel/Castiel: I'm sorry - is that a flirtation?

Meg: He would know. You used to fight together. Bestest friends actually.

Emmanuel/Castiel: We were friends? Am I Cass?

Dean: This ain’t going to go well.

Meg: I dunno, I believe in the little tree topper.

Castiel: I remember you. I remember everything. What I did. What I became. Why didn’t you tell me?

Dean: Because Sam is dying in there.

Castiel: Because of me. Everything. All these people. I shouldn’t be here.

Castiel: We didn’t part friends, Dean.

Dean: So what?

Castiel: I deserved to die. Now, I can’t possibly fix it…So why did I even walk out of that river?

Dean: Maybe to fix it.

Castiel: I should never have broken your wall, Sam. I’m here to make it right. (touches Sam's head, Sam groans in pain)

Sam: (Looking at Castiel, while seeing him as a hallucination of Lucifer) You're not real.

Castiel: I'm so sorry Sam.

Dean: What the hell do you mean you can’t?

Castiel: I mean there’s nothing left to rebuild.

Dean: Why not?

Castiel: Because it crumbled. The pieces got crushed to dust by whatever’s happening inside his head right now.

Dean: So you’re saying there’s nothing? That he’s gonna be like this until his candle blows out?

Castiel: I’m sorry. This isn’t a problem I can make disappear. And you know that. But I may be able to shift it. Shift? Yeah, it would get Sam back on his feet. (Exhales sharply) It’s better this way. I’ll be fine.

Dean: Wait, Cass, what are you doing?

Castiel: Now, Sam… This may hurt. And if I can’t tell you again… I’m sorry I ever did this to you.

Party On, Garth [7.18]

Garth: Alright Jenny G, your ganking days are over. You've been Garthed.

Garth: No, how is that possible? I Garthed her!

Sam: I wish I wasn't like the damn tape from The Ring; I wish I wasn't okay because I passed on the crazy.

Sam: Have either of you ever heard of Thighslapper Ale?

Garth: Is that a stripper or a beverage?

Garth: Can I have some more Thighslapper?

Sam: No!

Dean: No - coffee for you Tara Reid.

Dean: Wow, party on, Garth.

Garth: I don't even usually drink beer. It messes with my depth perception - especially when I skinny dip.

Garth: I'm concerned Bobby might be haunting you guys. I brought it up with Dean but he shot me down.

Dean: Garth, leave it alone.

Sam: It's okay.

Dean: No, it's far from okay.

Sam: I already tried contacting Bobby-when that beer disappeared, I took out a talking board.

Dean: Without me?

Sam: I figured why drag you in, when it was something I could just put to bed myself.

Dean: And?

Sam: And if he was there, I'd have told you.

Sam: Can you even get drunk anymore? It's sort of like drinking a vitamin for you, right?

Dean: Shut up.

Garth: Come with me if you want to live.

Sam: They see a face in the crowd, we see a book falling off the table-same thing, Dean. I did the talking board, I ran plenty of EMF. When that beer went poof, I went a little nuts.

Dean: Yeah, why didn't you tell me?

Sam: Like I said, a little nuts at the time.

Bobby: I'm right here, ya idjit! Balls!

Garth: Cause Mr. Fizzles thinks that you're (deep voice) lying!

Dean: Put Mr. Fizzles away or Mr. Fizzles gonna go where the sun don't shine!

Tess: (suddenly) I drank a grown up drink!

Dean: What you mean like coffee?

Tess: (shakes her head)

Dean: (confused) Alcohol?

Tess: (starts panicking) It was an accident! Help me Mr. Fizzles! Don't let them take me away!

Of Grave Importance [7.19]

Sam: You know she and Bobby had a thing, right?

Dean: Yeah, I knew that.....Really?

Sam: Yeah, kind of a foxhole thing. Very Hemingway.

Dean: Huh. She and I kinda went Hemingway this one time too.

Sam: Alright...well, that happens...

Dean: Wait, you too?

Sam: It was a while back. We ended up on the same case. She was stressed and I ...didn't have a soul.

Dean: That's a lot of foxholes.

Annie: Wow. Dead. Ghost. Me. Three words you never want to use in a sentence.

Bobby: All right now. I can kill werewolves, fix a Pinto and bake cornbread. I will be damned if I can't get Zen!

Dean: I hate these indie films. Nothing ever happens.

Bobby: Hi. I'm Bobby. I'm a ghost. Looking for a little ghost orientation here?

Dean: Dick Roman is funding another archaeological dig. Guy moves more dirt than "The Drudge Report."

Bobby: We've got work to do.

Bobby: Hey boys.

Dean: [hoarsely] Bobby?

Bobby: [surprised] wait...you can see me?

Bobby: Life wasn't comfy. Why should death be?

Sam: So what do you think we should do?

Dean: We did what we should do. Now, I don't know.

Sam: I mean...do you think it's possible we can...I don't know, make it all work somehow?

Dean: I have no idea. Maybe? I've never heard of it. But you know what I do know? It ain’t the natural order of things. Everything is supposed to end. You know, he was supposed to...Now, what are the odds this ends well? What are the odds?

The Girl with the Dungeons and Dragons Tattoo [7.20]

Bobby: I got a glimpse at Dick's big plan, right before he Lincoln'ed me.

Bobby: This is about those Levi's living here one percenter style

Computer: How about a nice game of chess?

Charlie: Seriously? Wargames?

Charlie: Dick Roman gave me an assignment

Harry: Is that good?

Charlie: It means the Eye of Sauron is on me.

Harry: Well, if you need anything I'll be back in the Shire.

Dean: I'm going to walk you through this.

Charlie: Okay.

Dean: Let's start with a smile. Relax, Charlie, you just got home and Scarlett Johansson is waiting for you.

Guard: Can I help you, miss?

Charlie: Hey...Bill. Charlie from IT.

Guard: Oh, burning the midnight oil, huh?

Charlie: Just like you. I mean, you're not at the gym. What do you...work out with all of your free time?

Guard: I try to get to the gym at least 3 days a week. Trying to get back to my fightin' weight.

Dean: [to Charlie] It shows, you look amazing. [to Sam] This never happened.

Charlie: It shows, you look amazing.

Dean: You ever do anything else with your free time? Like take a girl out for a drink? [Sam laughs]

Dean: [to Sam] Stop laughing, Sammy.

Charlie: You ever do anything with your free time? Like take a girl out for a drink? Stop laughing Sammy [realizes]...Um, you don't know that bar, 'Stop laughing Sammy'. That place is bringing sexy back. Which is easy because they kept the receipt...

Dean: Stop talking, Charlie.

Charlie: Stop talking Charlie...right.

Dean: Perfect, it's in the middle of the Death Star.

Dean: Charlie are you singing?

Charlie: I sing when I'm nervous; don't judge me!

Dean: Judgement free zone.

Sam: Who's your favorite Harry Potter character?

Charlie: Hermione.

Sam: Hermione. Well did Hermione run when Sirius Black was in trouble? Or when Voldemort attacked Hogwarts?

Dean: Seriously?

Sam: Shut up.

Charlie:No of course not.

Sam: What did she do?

Charlie: She kicked ass! She practically saves Harry in every book. And then she ends up with the wrong...

Sam: Stay on track. She kicked ass, right? So what are you going to do?

Charlie: Kick it in the ass!

Charlie: If you can't score at a reproductive rights function, then you simply cannot score.

Dick: You're kind of completing me right now Charlie. You have that thing, that spark that makes humans so special. Not everyone has it you know. Most people can be replaced, but people like you are impossible to copy.

Dick: Bruce Springsteen, Eli Manning and our own little Charlie? You know what they are? Irreplaceable. You're more of a Tim Tebow, Joe Biden type. You got no spark. In fact there's nothing in you. Except Harold's dinner.

Charlie: I'm going to die. [sigh] I should've taken that job at Google.

Charlie:These things are going to eat everyone I know. What kind of docuhebag stands by for that.

Charlie: Why didn't you kill him?

Sam: Because we can't - yet.

Charlie: The really evil ones always need a special sword.

Charlie: I left your dumb flask in the back seat by the way, worst good luck charm ever!

Dean: [hands her bag]Here you go.

Charlie:Thanks.

Sam: So listen, we can't thank you enough...

Charlie: Actually you can. Never contact me again...like ever. Deal?

Sam: Deal.

Dean: Keep your head down there okay?

Charlie: This ain't the first time I disappeared. [Sam and Dean give her a confused look]

Charlie: You think my name is really Charlie Bradbury? Please. So...good luck saving the world. Peace out, Bitches. [leaves]

Dean: She's kind of like the little sister I never wanted.

Sam: We've got to talk.

Dean: You mean before we get back to the car, and the flask?

Sam: Exactly. So what the hell happened back in the lobby?

Dean: Man, if I had a free shot, I would have bitch slapped the hell out of Dick.

Sam: Yeah but, I mean, Charlie got her friggen arm broken.

Dean: He didn't mean to do it.

Sam: Exactly. He's not in control. Not about Dick. That was vengeful spirit crap.

Dean: I know. But it's still Bobby.

Sam: But if he goes there, he won't be anymore. And then we won't be able to pull him back. And then what are we suppose to do?

Dean: I know... Let's just figure out what that thing we stole is...and then we'll figure out what the hell to do with Bobby.

Reading is Fundemental [7.21]

Edgar: [getting off the phone with Dick Roman] Isn't it strange that someone would choose to be called "Dick?"

Meg:He's been like the naked guy at the rave ever since he woke up. Totally useless.

Castiel: Will you look at her? My caretaker. All of that thorny pain. So beautiful.

Meg: We've been over this. I don't like poetry. Put up or shut up.

Castiel: I don't fight any more. I watch the bees.

[Meg kills Hester as she tries to kill Castiel. Everyone stares at her]

Meg: What? Someone had to.

Sam: It says we need to start with the blood of a fallen angel.

Castiel: Well, you know me. Always happy to bleed for the Winchesters. (fills up vial with his blood)

Castiel: Did you know that a cat's penis is sharply barbed along its shaft? I know for a fact that females were not consulted about that.

Dean: So - you can read the chicken scratch on the God rock? It's back in one piece I see. And you're saying there's a how to punch Dick recipe in there somewhere?

Kevin: I don't know what you're saying, but it seems like a "in case of emergency" note.

Castiel: We were assigned to watch the Earth. Often it was boring. Your wars were very boring. Sex... repetition.

Kevin: This looks like a sex torture dungeon. Is this a sex torture dungeon?

Dean: No this is not a sex torture dungeon...Get over here.

Castiel: You seem troubled. Course that's a primary aspect of your personality so I sometimes ignore it.

Hester: The very touch of you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!

Castiel: This is the handwriting of Metatron.

Sam: Metatron?!? You're saying a Transformer wrote that?

Dean: No, that's Megatron.

Sam: What?

Dean: The Transformer, it's Megatron.

Sam: What?

There Will Be Blood [7.22]

Gloria Jane: In this hour we'll go behind the scenes and answer the question everyone's been asking for months. What makes Dick so hard to beat?

Emily: What's a Kardashian?

Dean: Just another bloodsucker.

Dean: I think anyway you slice it we've got Pac Man and True Blood in the same room.

Alpha Vampire: We come from you.

Edgar: Barely.

Alpha Vampire: I am the son of Eve!

Edgar: A pathetic mutt! Hardly one of us. I knew Eve... and honestly, your mommy was a whore.

Alpha Vampire: Right, right, your flesh is crawling. All you want to do is kill me now. You hate having to wait and come back, and try again...

Dean: Pretty much. I wouldn't leave that head to close to that body for too long.

Alpha Vampire: See you next season.

Dean: Looking forward to it.

Dean: A little FYI. Bobby's officing out of the john these days.

Sam: Ahh - awkward.

Emily: What is that?

Dean: That - that is Sam's douche tracker.

Dean: Alright Sam - tap the keg.

Sam: Here?

Dean: Yeah Sam, look around; it's freaking Woodstock, everyone's hopped up on the brown acid. We don't need the song and dance. Give him a little prick.

Sam: Could've been a monastery. Monks get up at 4am to pray.

Dean: Ohh - Can't get laid, can't sleep in. That's a freaking tragedy... Okay, so alpha's camping next to a monkey house

Edgar: Mankind's a limited resource, after all.

Alpha Vampire: There are seven billion of them.

Edgar: Only seven.

Sam: But Dean, we gave up all our Vamptonite.

Dean: Okay man I have read this more times than the Playboy I found in Dad's duffle.

Sam: Anna Nicole?

Dean: Anna Nicole. Ah, the good they die young, huh?

Emily: What now:

Dean: We get you somewhere safe, circle back and ginsu these leeches.

Dean: I can't do this. man I can't live on rabbit food. I'm a warrior!

Dean: Wow you get a trophy in Stockholm Syndrome.

Survival of the Fittest [7.23]

Sam: We should call Castiel.

Dean: Dude, on my car...he showed up naked...covered in bees.

Sam: Yeah, I am not really sorry I missed that.

Meg: [to Dean about Castiel] Go ask him, he was your boyfriend first.

[Sam and Dean prepare to burn Bobby's flask to put him to rest]

Bobby: Here's to running into you guys on the other side. Only... not too soon alright?

[Dean sadly throws the flask into a fire and he and Sam watch as Bobby burns up as the flask melts]

Dean: [to Dick while waving the bone around] See here's the thing about dealing with Crowley: he will always find a way to bone you.

[Dean stabs Dick in the heart to no avail. Dick pulls out and breaks the bone]

Dick: Did you really think you could trump me?

Dean: Honestly? [pulls out other half of bone] No. [Castiel holds Dick's head in place from behind and Dean stabs him through the neck] Figured we'd have to catch you off-guard!

[as energy waves emerge from him, Dick starts laughing before finally exploding into black goo]

Crowley: You know what I like about you?

Dick: Lack of pretension?

Crowley: You're smarter than you look.

Dick: Oh now you're just flirting.

Dean: Well, I guess if we can't find a righteous bone in a friggin' nunnery crypt.

Sam: All right. Here – listen to this. Sister Mary Benedict, uh, taught the learning-impaired and died at age 23.

Dean:Eh, it's a little young. Find someone who's had time to cook.

Sam: Okay, well, there was, uh... here – Sister Mary Eunice. Uh, fed the poor, became Mother Superior at age 60.

Dean: Sounds political. Power corrupts.

Sam: Right. Um... listen to this – Sister Mary Constant, 83 years of quiet, humble nun-like goodness. What do you think?

Dean: Wow. I want to be more righteous just reading this.

Sam: Exactly.

Dean: All right, well, I lay odds on her. Here we go. Well... let's bone this nun.

[Sam gives him a look]

Dean: Sorry.

Dick: We need America. They're so fat.

Dean: So, Cas, what's, uh, what's, uh, what’s the word?

Castiel: Well, Dean, I've been thinking. Monkeys are so... clever, and they're sensible in that they leave the skins on the bananas that they eat. Is it really necessary to test cosmetics on them? I mean, how important is lipstick to you, Dean?

Dean: Not very. You want to come inside and, uh, tell us what's going on?

Castiel: Now, you understand I don't participate in aggressive activity. [picks up bone and sniffs it] Mm. Sister Mary Constant. Good choice.

Dick: Oh, eat up. The sushi's made of fresh orphan.

Castiel: So, can I ask, the plan?

Dean: Well, according to Crowley, Dick knows we're coming. So we're gonna announce ourselves, big.

[cut to the Impala crashing through SucroCorp's front gate and giant glass sign]

Meg: There goes the Empire's last hope.

Season 8

We Need to Talk About Kevin [8.01]

Sam: Maybe we should split up. Ask around. See if anyone's seen him.

Dean: Yeah. Asian kid. Yay high. At a university. That should be easy.

Kevin: What the hell happened to you guys?

Dean: Cliff Notes. I went to Purgatory. Sam hit a dog.

Crowley: Dean. Looking... well, let's just say Purgatory didn't do you any favors. Where's your angel?

Dean: Ask your mother.

Crowley: There's that grade-school zip. Missed it. I really did.

Channing: Kevin...what's going on?

Kevin: There is a demon in you and you're going to your safety school.

Channing: What?!?

Crowley: Chin up, gentlemen. I'm a professional.

Dean: This ain't over by a long shot, Crowley.

Crowley: Really, Dean? Who writes your stuff? A marshmallow?

Sam: Kevin, how you holding up?

Kevin: Awesome. The King of Hell just snapped my girlfriend's neck. How 'bout you?

What's Up, Tiger Mommy? [8.02]

Dean: You smell it, Sammy?

Sam: Burning flesh?

Dean: Revenge. So close.

Beau: Oh, if you're worried about the safety of the Prophet, rest assured we have a strict "No casting. No cursing. No supernaturally flicking the two of you against the wall just for the fun of it" policy.

Crowley: If you're gonna to make an omelet, sometimes you have to break some spines.

Linda: [slaps Crowley] Stay away from my son!

Crowley: Charming. Defiling her corpse has just made number one on my to-do list.

Dean: Plan C tanked.

Crowley: Maybe you should try Plan "D for dumbass".

'Dean: [To Sam after he suggests to auction the Impala] You say it and I will kill you,your children and your grandchildren!

Heartache [8.03]

Dean: Wow. Guy goes to Purgatory for a year, all hell breaks loose. Check this out. Jogger in Minneapolis gets his heart ripped out.

Sam: I'm guessing literally.

Dean: Only way that interests me. And then, there's another article from six months ago. Same thing happens, also in Minneapolis. What's that tell us?

Sam: Stay out of Minneapolis!

Sam: Maybe you're best hacking and slicing your way through all the world's crap alone, not having to explain yourself to anybody.

Dean: Yeah, that makes sense, seeing as I have so many other brothers I can talk to about this stuff.

Bitten [8.04]

Kate: Look. I mean, there's got to be an explanation for this.

Brian: Really?

Kate: It... was self-defense.

Brian: Eating a heart is self-defense?

Sam: Dude, two burgers?

Dean: Hey, I didn't eat at Big P's for at least a year, okay? Clear eyes and clogged arteries - Can't Lose.

Kate: (about Sam and Dean) First things first. Those guys... those guys aren't FBI, all right? I'm pretty sure that FBI agents don't say "awesome" that much, you know? And--and they definitely don't hunt and kill college kids.

Mike: Did--did they say anything else?

Brian: Dude, they just sat and talked about how they've been apart for a year. You were probably right about that whole office-romance thing.

Dean: Hey, Sam?

Sam: Yeah?

Dean: Do I really say "awesome" a lot?

Blood Brother [8.05]

Sam: Kid's like 'Rain Man'.

Dean: He's like a crappy little credit-card-counting criminal prodigy Rain Man.

Sam: Well, he was in Advanced Placement.

Dean: Shut up.

Castiel: It does present a curious curl in the metaphysics, doesn't it? If you murder a monster in monster heaven, where does it go?

Benny: And this is the crazy aunt I want to take on the road?

Castiel: I am not your aunt.

Benny: What? Really?

Castiel: I have no possible relationship to your sibling offspring.

Benny: Now you're kidding me.

Dean: Oh, you two are killing me.

Dean: Vampire pirates? That's what you guys are - Vampirates!

Dean: What the hell do you know about the value of life? You're a vampire.

Benny: Yep. And I think we both know which of our kinds killed more humans.

Castiel: Well, statistically speaking, that'd be your...

Dean: Yes. Thank you, Cass.

Sam: So, you think I'm creepy?

Amelia: I think it's creepy that you buy all of your clothing at Army Surplus. White supremacists do that.

Sam: Yeah, but I'm not.

Amelia: Drifting serial killers do that.

Sam: Fair enough.

The Maker: You're right. I've been here so, so long, Benny. Seen all the outcomes, all the patterns a trillion times. It all means so little. This universe is a pyramid of despair, nothing else.

Benny: A little dark.

The Maker: I am evil, after all. At least I've had that much to keep me cold at night.

Southern Comfort [8.06]

Sam: Hold up. Are you the new Bobby?

Dean: (to Sam) You shut your mouth.

Garth: Yeah.

Dean: (to Garth) You shut your mouth. What?!?

Dean: I was in Purgatory.

Garth: Like the Purgatory Purgatory?

Dean: No, the one in Miami.

Garth: Man, that's balls

Dean: That's not how you say "balls."

Dean: What, you--you were a dentist?

Garth: Yeah, just for like, for a hot minute. Where did you think I got my first case?

Dean: Let me guess--Tooth Fairy.

Garth: Yeah. Man, I felt terrible when I ganked that SOB.

Sam: Uh, you killed the Toothy Fairy?

Garth: Yeah, man. I mean, not my proudest moment. But it happened.

Dean: So first, the mom goes Natural Born Killer, and now the son? Well, what do we got--a ghost with an Oedipus complex? (Sam stares) I don't know what that means.

A Little Slice of Kevin [8.07]

Dean: Hey.

Sam: You look like you've--well, I was gonna say, "You look like you've seen a ghost", but you'd probably be stoked.

Kevin: Mom! You've got to stop drowning me in holy water every time I go out!

Kevin: [Deciphering the stone tablet] The next is... "The demonic influence on the collective tapestry of the soul."

Crowley: Blah blah blah. Doesn't anyone ever edit this stuff? So far as a writer, God's a snooze. No fun at parties, I hear.

Kevin: From, the archangel... Metatron.

Crowley: The scribe... and suck-up. Took down God's word, picked up His cleaning.

Crowley: It's all very West Side Story, but let's be logical. You look like hell, and I should know.

Hunteri Heroici [8.08]

Dean: What's the word, Cas?

Castiel: It's a shortened version of my name.

Dean: Yes, it is. I mean what's the word on The Word?

Castiel: [while trying to play "bad cop" screams into a woman's face] Why did you kill your husband?!

[later - Dean has pulled Castiel aside]

Castiel: What? I was being 'bad cop'.

Dean: You were being 'bad everything'.

Dean: She's right, you know. I mean, the whole heart jumping out of a guy's chest. The delayed fall. That's straight-up Bugs Bunny.

Castiel: So, we're looking for some sort of insect-rabbit hybrid? How do we kill it?

Dean: All right, well, let's gear up. It's wabbit season.

Castiel: I don't think you pronounced that correctly.

Dean: Cass. Let's go.

Castiel: [interrogating a cat] I've almost cracked him.

Dean: Now.

Castiel: Hey, I'm not through with you.

Cat: [behind Castiel's back] Dumbass!

Caption: Dean Winchester (Hunterus Heroicus); Dr. Mahoney (Grotesques Villainus)

Citizen Fang [8.09]

Dean: You put 'Mostly-Okay' Martin on Benny? What is mostly-okay doing hunting at all?

Benny: Rogue vamp. Came into the cafe a couple nights ago, youngster, goes by the name of Desmond. He, uh, remembers me from the good old days.

Dean: Good old days?

Benny: I know it's hard to believe, but I haven't always been this cute and cuddly.

Dean: Every relationship I have ever had has gone to crap at some point. But the one thing I can say about Benny, he has never let me down.

Sam: [to Amelia] I don’t want to do the right thing. I mean, this is the right thing, you and me, and maybe I’m going to Hell for saying this, but I’m not ready to give this up.

Dean: [to Benny] Guys like us, we don’t get a home, you know. We don’t get family.

Torn and Frayed [8.10]

Dean: So who snatched Heaven's most adorable angel?

Crowley: What on earth could you possibly need now, Viggo? I've given you every torture instrument known to man. Short of a Neil Diamond album.

Amelia: Look last night at the bar.I just wanted to make sure it was you.You know, peeping into my window.

Sam: "Peeping". You make it sound so,uh...

Amelia: Stalkerish.

LARP and the Real Girl [8.11]

Sam: But the medical examiner said his body showed clear signs that he was killed by belladonna.

Dean and Charlie: The porn star?

Sam: The poison.

Dean: I'm noticing a lot of these maidens are checking you out.

Charlie: What? I can't shut this down. It's good to be the queen.

As Time Goes By [8.12]

Dean: Dudes time traveling through motel room closets, that's what we've come to?

Henry Winchester: You're also Winchesters. As long as we're alive, there's always hope. I didn't know my son as a man, but having met you two, I know I would have been proud of him.

Everybody Hates Hitler [8.13]

Torvald: (defiantly) Long Live The Thule! (the Golem snaps his neck)

Dean: Or not!

Aaron: Oh my god! These guys are psycopaths!

Golem: This boy knows nothing, observes none of the mitzvahs, labors on the Sabbath, dines on swine...

Aaron: Everybody loves bacon!

Dean: Well, now we know. Paper beats Golem, fire beats undead Nazi zombie freaks.

Trial and Error [8.14]

Dean: I've got this killer mattress. Memory foam. It remembers me.

Dean: We've been down roads like this before, man. With Yellow Eyes, Lucifer, Dick Friggin Roman ... we both know where this ends: one of us dies. Or worse.

Sam: So you just up and decided it's going to be you.

Dean: I'm a grunt, Sam. You're not. You've always been the brains of this operation. And you told me yourself, you see a way out. You see a light at the end of this ugly ass tunnel. I don't. But I tell you what I do know, is that I'm going to die with a gun in my hand. Because that's what I have waiting for me, that's all I have waiting for me. I want you to get out. I want you to have a life, become a Man of Letters, whatever. You with a wife, kids, and grandkids, living out until you're fat and bald and chugging Viagra. That is my perfect ending and it's the only one I'm gonna get. So I'm gonna do these trials and I'm gonna do them alone. End of story. You stay here. Call if you need me, but if you try to come after me I will shoot you in the leg.

Sam: Closing the gates. It's a suicide mission for you. I want to slam hell shut too, okay? But I want to survive it. I want to live. And so should you. You have friends up here, family, hell, you even got your own room now! You were right, kay? I see light at the end of the tunnel and I'm sorry you don't. I am. But it's there. And if you come with me, I can take you to it.

Dean: Sam, be smart.

Sam: I am. And so are you. You're not a grunt, Dean, you're a genius. When it comes to lore, you're the best damn hunter I've ever seen. Better than me, better than Dad. I believe in you, Dean, so please, please, believe in me too.

Man's Best Friend With Benefits [8.15]

Sam: I'm sorry, but I think Shemp was a funnier Stooge than Curly.

Dean: Curly was a freakin' genius.

Sam: I always found Curly's work a bit obvious.

Dean: It's supposed to be obvious, man! It's The Three Stooges!

Sam: [to Dean] By the way, I gotta hand it to you. It's been fifteen hours since Portia mentioned her ... night with James and not one bestiality joke out of you.

Sam: Ok, before you get pissed off, it isn't my fault. She just showed up at the door, didn't track any mud in, just wanted a belly scratch. I figured maybe she can stay the night and we'd find her a home in the morning?

[They enter the room. The dog that Sam let in has now turned into a beautiful woman in a black dress.]

Dean: She can stay the night.

Dean: Of course, he's got the booga booga on his side.

Dean: Well, kids, don't try this at home.

Remember the Titans [8.16]

Dean: I got to say, I'm a little disappointed.

Sam:Yeah, because you wanted to shoot zombies.

Dean: Damn straight I wanted to shoot some zombies.

Sam:Uhh... we need to think. Dean, what do we know of that has...uh, Jason Bourne fighting skills, dies a lot, and has a history with violent women?

Dean:I don't know--you?

Dean: (after being referred to as 'Ghostbusters') Well, due to the fact that your son is currently, albeit temporarily, dead, I'm gonna let that one slide.

Artemis: [prepares to shoot Zeus with one of her arrows] You were my father. Now your somebody else. [fires but Zeus pulls Prometheus in the way]

Zeus: [to Prometheus] I never grow tired of watching you die! Your boy is going on the mountain.

[Prometheus shoves the arrow through himself and into Zeus, killling them both in a blast of electricity]

Dean:Cas, you got your ears on? Listen, you know I am not one for praying, 'cause in my book it's... it's the same as begging. But this is about Sam, so I need you to hear me. We are going into this deal blind... and I don't now what's ahead. Or what it's gonna bring for Sam. Now, he's covering pretty good, but I know that he is hurting, and this one was supposed to be on me.So, for all that we've been through, I'm asking you... you keep a lookout for my little brother, okay?

Goodbye Stranger [8.17]

[Sam, Dean and Castiel rescue the demons' "hostage" and find it to be Meg]

Meg: Aren't you a little short to be a storm trooper?

Meg: Hi, I'm Meg. I'm a demon.

Meg: Do I look like Google to you?

Meg: [to Sam] You know, I get why Crowley calls you "Moose" now.

[Sam and Dean climb into the Impala and prepare to take off]

Meg: [to Crowley] No Cas in the backseat. Your stone is long gone!

[Meg stabs Crowley in the shoulder with an angel sword, slightly injuring him. In retaliation, Crowley stabs Meg in the stomach with his own angel sword, killing her.]

Meg: Why are you so sweet at me Clarence?

Castiel: I don't know. And I still don't know who Clarence is.

Dean: Listen, Sam, I may not be able to carry the burden that comes along with these trials, but I can carry you.

Sam: You realize that you kind of just quoted "Lord of the rings", right?

Dean: But come on man, it's the Rudy hobbit, and the Rudy hobbit always gets a pass. [Sam laughing] Shut up.

Freaks and Geeks [8.18]

Sam: And I just wanted to make sure you're okay.

Dean: What like my feelings?

Sam: If that's what you want to talk about, sure.

Dean: Okay. I'll tell you what. Why don't I go get some, uh, herbal tea.

Sam: Okay.

Dean: And you can find some cowboy junkies on the dial.

Sam: Eat me, Dean.

[Sam gets out of the Impala]

Dean: And you know what? We'll just talk it out.

[Sam slams the Impala door.]

Dean: Good talk.

[Dean gets out of the Impala and starts walking after Sam]

Dean: Nay, great talk! Very healthy!

Sheriff: FBI? You're here about the Lady Killer Murders, aren't you?

Sam: The Lady Killer Murders?

Sheriff: Yeah, coined it myself.

Dean: Congratulations.

Dean: Look, last time I'm gonna ask you nicely. Take the damn guns off me, or somebody's gonna get hurt.

Aiden: Big talk.

[Dean easily disarms Aiden.]

Dean: I know. It is, isn't it?

Krissy You're all right for an old guy.

Dean: I'm really not that old.

Krissy You keep telling yourself that.

Taxi Driver [8.19]

(Sam and Dean interrogate a Crossroads Demon for a way to sneak into Hell)

Crossroads Demon: I can't, its a secret.

Dean: We promise we won't tell anyone.

Sam: You knew somehow, right?

Bobby: Took a chance. 50/50

Bobby: What the hell is this?

Sam: All right, don't get all pissed off. Purgatory.

Bobby: Balls!

Benny: Truth is, uh... I could use a break from all this.

Dean: It really been that tough?

Benny: I'm not a good fit, Dean. Not with vampires and, for sure, not with the humans. I don't belong. And after a while... that starts to wear on you. Right?

Bobby: Dean spent a year in this place?

Sam: Running and fighting, all day, every day.

Bobby: Must have been hell on you not being able to get him out all that time. You did try?

Sam: Look, Bobby, Dean and I had an agreement, okay?

Bobby: I know that agreement. I taught you that agreement. That's a non-agreement. I get the feeling a lot must have happened while I was gone.

Bobby: If they give me a rocking chair up there, I'm raising hell.

Pac-Man Fever [8.20]

Dean: Y... [looks up and see Sam's scruffy hair] Man, I'm telling you, give me five minutes with some clippers, and...

[Dean throws Sam a bottle of beer, Sam fails to react and the beer shatters on the floor.]

Sam: I'm sorry, I, uh...

Dean: That's why we don't have nice things, Sam.

Sam: [regarding Charlie's monster-filled iPad] I hate that thing...I want one.

[later]

Charlie: [regarding John Winchester's journal] I hate that thing... and I want one.

Charlie: Come with me if you want to live! (Dean stares at her) I've always wanted to say that.

Djinn Teenager: My mom always told me not to play with my food.

(The teenager turns around and Sam stabs him dead)

Sam: Yeah, well maybe you should've listened to your mom!

Charlie: I love you.

Dean: I know.

Charlie: One last time, okay? (reading from the Hobbit) 'In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on, or to eat. It was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.'

The Great Escapist [8.21]

Kevin: (to the Winchesters via video) I'm dead, you bastards! So screw you, screw God, and everybody in-between!

Castiel: (drinking coffee) You know, I remember when you first discovered it. Before you started brewing it, you'd just chew the berries. Folktale is true by the way, you learned it from the goats.

<hr="50%"/>

Naomi: Where is the angel tablet, Castiel?

Castiel: In the words of a... good friend, bite me.

Naomi: Oh, we'll bite. Don't worry.

<hr="50%"/>

Sam: You remember when, uh... when Dad took us to the bottom of the Grand Canyon on that pack-mule ride?

Dean: The what?

Sam: And uh-your mule kept farting like letting it go like gale force?

Dean: Due you were like 4 years old, I barely remember it.

Sam: (laughs) You rode a farty donkey.

<hr="50%"/>

Naomi: How dare you?

Crowley: I am the daringest devil you've ever met, love.

<hr="50%"/>

Crowley: Am I seeing this? How did you figure it out?

Kevin: It started when they forgot the secret knock. But really, it... it was the way they acted. I don't think on their best day Sam and Dean would go into town and get me a barbecue dinner, not when there are leftover burritos in the fridge.

Crowley: So... my demons were too polite?

Kevin: Yeah.

Crowley: Well, I'll be a son of a whore.

<hr="50%"/>

Dean: So you've been holed up here or... or in a wigwam, or in some cave, listening to stories, reading books?

Metatron: And it was something to watch. What you brought to His earth... all the mayhem, the murder, Just the raw, wild invention of God's naked apes... it was mind-blowing. But really, really... it was your storytelling. That is the true flower of free will, at least as you've mastered it so far. When you create stories, you become gods of tiny intricate dimensions unto themselves. So many worlds. I have read as much as it's possible for an angel to read, and I haven't caught up.

<hr="50%"/>

Dean: But are you in? With us, I mean.

Metatron: You really intend on closing the doors of Hell?

Dean: Seems like the thing to do, don't it?

Metatron: It's your choice. And that's what this has all been about. The choices your kind make. But you're going to have to weigh that choice. Ask yourself what's it it going to take to do this and what will the world be like after it's done.

Kevin: You know the Winchesters are up to the third trial? That they're gonna shut the door on Hell?

Crowley: I'm not worried, kid.

[Kevin picks up the demon tablet.]

Kevin: You have no idea what's on this demon tablet. Right, the power you could have gotten with this, if you weren't running around like a chicken with his head cut off.

Crowley: You think I can't make you tell?

Kevin: I know you can't. And you do too.

Crowley: You know what? I've already won. I have the angel tablet, you little smudge. And I got deals and plans up the jacksie. [he grabs Kevin by the throat] And I don't... need... you!

[Crowley slams Kevin against the wall and strangles him. Suddenly, Kevin's eyes start glowing white. Increasingly bright light emanates from him until Crowley is thrown back across the boat, hands and face burned.]

Clip Show [8.22]

Dean: How you feeling?

Sam: Honestly, ummm... my, uh whole body hurts. I feel nauseous and like I'm starving at the same time. And everything smells like rotting meat.

Dean: I've had that hangover. Jäger, man.

<hr="50%"/>

Castiel: I like this bunker. It's orderly.

Sam: Oh, give us a few months. Dean wants to get a ping-pong table.

Castiel: I've heard of that. It's a game, right?

<hr="50%"/>

Sam: Hey, those chains look exactly like the ones in our dungeon.

Castiel: [Looking shocked and surprised] In your what?

<hr="50%"/>

Castiel: Where's the pie?

Chris the Attendant: I think we're out.

Castiel: You don't understand... [Grabs the attendant] I. NEED. PIE!

<hr="50%"/>

Waitress: Cool coat.

Castiel: No, it's actually quite warm.

Waitress: Cute and funny--okay.

<hr=50%"/>

Sam: So you really think this'll work?

Dean: Dude, we got needles, we got thread. We've seen Young Frankenstein about a thousand times. We're golden.

<hr=50%"/>

Sam: How'd you get this number?

Crowley: [On Phone] Ah, first things first... what are you wearing?

Dean: Oh, okay, hanging up now. Hang up.

<hr=50%"/>

Sam: What the hell are you doing, Crowley?

Crowley: Oh, Moosie, isn't it obvious? I'm killing everyone you've ever saved -- the damsels in distress, the innocent whipper-snappers, the would-be vampire chow -- all of them.

<hr="50%"/>

Dean: Son of a bitch!

Crowley: Son of a witch, actually. My mommy taught me a few tricks.

<hr="50%"/>

Crowley: What's the line? "Saving people, hunting things. The family business."

Sacrifice [8.23]

Castiel: What was He like?

Metatron: Who? (looks up) God? Pretty much what you'd expect, really. Gruff, larger than life, bit of a sexist, but fair! Eminently fair. (looks at Castiel firmly) The Nephilim was a monster, Castiel.

Castiel: ...and the next Trial?

Metatron: (points across road) Across the street. His name's Dwight Charles. I've bee listening in on the angel radio. Cupid's frequency actually. And he is the next on their list.

Castiel: A list?

Metatron: To do the horizontal mumbo. Slap-buddies. (Castiel is confused) To find love! He is going to be zinged by Cupid's arrow within twenty-four hours, which is good for us, because the Second Trial is retrieving Cupid's Bow.

Castiel: No killing?

Metatron: No killing.

<hr="50%"/>

(The brothers are doing a deal with Crowley)

Crowley: Hello boys. What's that old expression? Success has many fathers, failure is a Winchester. Where's the stone?

Dean: You show us yours, and we'll show you ours.

Crowley: Really Dean, I'm trying to conduct a professional deal here, and you want to talk dandy bits? THE STONE! (Sam shows him their tablet) Wow, wow, slowly! There she is. (he shows them his tablet)

Dean: And the contract? (Crowley throws an extremely long piece of parchment) Yeah, I'm sure there's no hidden agendas in there!

Crowley: The highlights: We swap tablets, and you stand down from the Trials forever.

Sam: And you stop killing everyone we've ever saved.

Crowley: Agreed. (Dean pulls out a pen) Uh, uh, uh, nice try squirrel. Moose is doing his Trials, Moose signs.

Dean: No, he's not signing anything until I read the fine print!

Sam: No, I can read it!

Dean: You wanted me here, I'm here. But I'll be damned if I'll let him screw us even more!

Crowley: What's this? Trouble in paradise?

<hr="50%"/>

Dean: Oh what, and leave you here with the King of Hell?

<hr="50%"/>

[The church doors burst open as Abaddon enters.]

Abaddon: Hello, boys.

Crowley: That's my line.

<hr="50%"/>

[Dean holds his hands up, walks slowly toward Sam.]

Dean: Easy there. Okay. Just take it easy. We got a slight change of plan.

Sam: What? What's going on? Where's Cas?!

Dean: Metatron lied. You finish this trial, you're dead, Sam.

Sam: So?

<hr="50%"/>

Sam: You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can't do that again.

Dean: Sam...

Sam: [Crying] What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted again? I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me? Another angel, another... another vampire? Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother just...

Dean: Hold on, hold on! You seriously think that? Because none of it... none of it... is true. Listen, man, I know we've had our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I've said some junk that set you back on your heels. But, Sammy...come on. I killed Benny to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you.

Season 9

I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here [9.01]

Dean: You’re a doctor. You’re a medical professional. You’re trying to tell me that my brother’s life is in God’s hands? What, is that supposed to be a comfort? God has nothing to do with this equation at all.

Dean: Just because you’re dying doesn't mean you’re dead, not yet, OK? We have jimmied ourselves out of worse. We’re gonna fight this. I got the plan, you just need to hang on.

Sam: If you’re you, but you’re really me, and you’re the part of me that wants to fight to live.

Dean: Yes. I have no idea what you just said, but continue.

Biker (to Castiel): I'm going to finish the call, then I'm gonna stab you.

Dean (to Castiel): There is a war on, and it’s on you. There’s thousands of them out there. You said you lost your Grace. That means you’re human. That means you bleed and you read and you sleep and all the things you never had to worry about before.

Dean: Cas, you there? Sammy's hurt - he's hurt pretty bad. And I know that you think that I am pissed at you. But I don't care that the angels fell. So whatever you did, or didn't, do, we'll work it out. Please man, I need you here.

Dean: I've got the King of Hell in my trunk.

Death: [to Sam] I consider it to be quite the honor to be collecting the likes of Sam Winchester. I try so hard not to pass judgment at times like this, not my bag, you see, but you? Well played, my boy.

Sam: [to Death] I need to know one thing. If I go with you, can you promise that this time it will be final? I mean, if I’m dead, I stay dead. Nobody can reverse it, nobody can deal it away, and nobody else can get hurt because of me.

Bobby: All the good you’ve done? All the people you’ve saved? All the sacrifices you’ve made? You’ve saved the world, son. How many people can say that? How many people can say that they have left this God-forsaken hunk of dirt that a much better place? What you call dying, I call leaving a legacy

Dean: We keep it a secret for now. Or until Sam’s well enough that he doesn’t need an angelic pacemaker. Or I find a way to tell him.

Sam: You’ve been driving around with me passed out in the passenger seat for a day?

Dean: I mean, I stopped. Let a few Japanese tourists take some pictures, nobody got too handsy.

Sam: We got work to do

Devil May Care [9.02]

Dean:: And even with Crowley here, this is the safest place there is. And we need you man.

Kevin: Because I'm useful.

Dean: Because you're family. After all the crap that we've been through, after all the good that we've done. Man, if you don't think that we would die for you, I don't know what to tell you. Because you, me, Sam and Cas - we are all we've got.

Abaddon: You know, I've loved this body since the moment I first saw it. You're the perfect vessel Dean. You give a girl all sorts of nasty ideas. So go ahead and play hard to get, and I'll peel off this "no demons allowed" tattoo and blow smoke up your ass.

Dean: Look Zeke...I'm gonna call you Zeke

Ezekiel (in Sam's Body): [Head tilt]

Abaddon: I so appreciate you boys coming when I call. That's what I like most about you Winchesters. Obedient... and suicidally stupid. I like that, too.

Dean: We going to fight or make out, 'cause I'm getting some real mixed signals here.

Crowley: Torture? Brilliant. Can't wait to see Sam in stilettos and a leather bustier really putting the S.A.M. into S & M.

I'm No Angel [9.03]

Castiel: Do you ever tire of urinating...I'll never get used to it.

Dean: Sam... You here?

Sam: Hey, Morning.

Dean: You been outside already?

Sam: Yeah, Woke up went for a run, beautiful sunrise, anyways cleaned up, went and got breakfast, grabbed you bacon and eggs extra grease not even gonna argue.

Dean: Perfect

Dean: I think it'd be better if you take it easy and didn't act like you were...

Sam/Ezekiel: ...possesed by an angel? He does feel better, a work in progress of course, but I am slowly healing him.

Dean: That's great...umm but...

Ezekiel: I have news, I've picked up chatter among the angels not all are wondering around in confusion.

Dean: Yeah some of them are after Cas.

Ezekiel: There is a faction that is rapidly organizing and finding human vessels to contain them.

Dean: Lead by Naomi?

Ezekiel: I have not heard that name no but it is this factions leadership that wants Castiel found, you see Dean I can be useful.

Dean: So can my brother so why don't you go check your email and if I need your help I'll let you know.

Ezekiel: Dean...

Dean: ...I said I'll let you know.

Sam: I mean Cas is human now, it's gonna take him a lot longer to travel

Dean: I'm gonna get whiplash.

Sam: What?

Dean: Nothing.

Bartholomew: Beautiful Buddy. One of your best.

Buddy Boyle: Oh, well that is a high praise Sir, seeing as your an emissary from that man upstairs himself, Thank you Bart.

Bartholomew: It's Bartholomew.

Woman: I give my vessel over to you.

Buddy: Oh, hallelujah.

Bartholomew: Yes, well if you're certain.

She explodes:

Buddy: Bart, what the hell.

Bartholomew: Buddy the simple truth is not all who are willing are designed to contain heavens grace, we have to expect a small casualty now and then. It;s a small price to when you think about it.

Buddy: Like the lamb of the sacrifice.

Bartholomew: Sure.

Slumber Party [9.04]

Charlie: I took down a teenage vampire and a ghost. ...Which sounds like a Y.A. novel when you say it out loud.

Sam: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! S-spoilers. I haven't read all the books yet.

Dean: You're gonna read the books?

Sam: Yes, Dean. I like to read books -- you know, the ones without pictures.

Sam: Well, I'm sorry I haven't hung up the, uh, "Hang in there, kitty" poster yet, Dean.

Charlie: Holy crap! The first case investigated in this bunker involved Dorothy. She and the witch came into this room, and they never came out. This will never stop blowing my mind!

Dean: Okay, pace yourself, Toto.

Crowley: [to witch] Hello, darling. (the witch slightly burns herself trying to pass a warding sign) Sorry. This litter box is warded against everything, even wicked witches. Big fan. Love your work.

Crowley: (whistling Somewhere Over The Rainbow)

(Sam and Dean walk slowly into the room with their guns, wary of the wicked witch)

Crowley: Wow. If it isn't the Scarecrow and the Tin Man.

(Charlie and Dean are looking for the key to Oz)

Charlie: (looking at the first edition of Voluptuous Asian Lovelies) You keep your porn meticulously organized, but not--

Dean: Don't judge me.

Charlie: (after learning that several things from the Oz books are wrong) Stop ruining my childhood!

Charlie: (to the Witch) Now heel! (stabs the Witch in the head with the heel of the Ruby Slippers, killing her)

Charlie: (to Sam and Dean after killing the Witch) Ding Dong, Bitches!

Dog Dean Afternoon [9.05]

Dean: All right, well, let's keep digging. [The camera focuses on an owl.] But, uh, not here. I don't like the way that one's looking at me.

Dean: Always knew I'd find the source of all evil at a vegan bakery.

Sam: What's that smell?

Dean: Patchouli. Yeah, mixed with depression from meat deprivation.

Sam: Hmm.

Dean: Hey. You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people. And douchebags.

Dean: (after learning he is taking on dog-like traits) Ruh-roh!

Heaven Can't Wait [9.06]

Sam: Well, maybe if we can decipher the footnotes, then we can reverse the spell and...

Dean: Punt those winged dicks back to heaven.

[Castiel is on a ladder, changing a fluorescent tube bulb..]

Nora: Hey, Steve? I found this in the supply closet. (She holds up a plastic bag) Do you know whose it is?

Castiel: Um... (comes down from the ladder) That's mine. Thanks.

Nora: I also found a rolled-up sleeping bag behind the tool locker.

Castiel: Yes, (thinking fast) I wanted to be thorough with inventory, so I worked late last week, and taking a nap here was easier than going back home to my bed. Which I-I have, of course – a bed...and a home.

Dean: I'm just saying we're not keeping him chained up for the one-liners.

Castiel: My Grace is gone. What did you expect? Do you have any idea how hard it was? When I fell to earth, I didn't just lose my powers. I – I had nothing. Now... I'm a sales associate

Dean: Wow. So you went from fighting … heavenly battles to nuking taquitos?

Castiel: (nodding) Nachos too.

Bad Boys [9.07]

Dean: Hey, kid, what are you doing in here by yourself?

Kid: Fighting monsters.

Dean: What kind of monsters?

Kid: All sorts, with Bruce the monster smasher. (He holds up his action figure doll.)

Dean: Hm. Is that a cape? Little impractical for smashing monsters, huh? You know, you could choke—

[The kid activates the doll which says "I clobber evil!"]

Dean: (chuckles slightly) I bet you do. (holds out his hand) I'm Dean.

Kid: Timmy. (shakes hand)

Dean:Let's try that again. If you're gonna be a man, you got to learn how to shake like one, okay? So give me your best Kung Fu grip. Good. (They shake again.) Now look me straight in the eye. Let me know that you mean business. Shake as hard as you can. (Shake again.) That's it. You shake like that, you'll be all right.

Dean: Hey! Either of you touch him ever again, I'm gonna go all Guantánamo on you.

Young Robin: What's your dad do?

Young Dean: Boring stuff.

Young Robin: Do you like it?

Young Dean: (shakes his head) No, not really. But my dad expects me to follow in his footsteps. So I've kind of gotten used to it.

Young Robin: Yeah. I - I get it. My pops wants me to take over the diner? But that's not happening. So, what do you really want to do?

[Dean hesitates.]

Young Robin: (continues) I want to be a photographer and see the world, go to strange lands, eat crazy food.

Young Dean: I want to be a rock star, but... I also really like cars.

Young Robin: Being a mechanic seems rough.

Young Dean: What? No, no. Not at all. Cars are freaking cool as hell. Fixing them is like … a puzzle, and the best part is when you're done, they leave, and you're not responsible for them any more.

Young Robin: (Kisses Dean, he seems shocked.) Have you kissed many girls?

Young Dean: What? Yeah. Of course. Lots.

Young Robin: Really? (She grabs his collar) Well, I guess we'll just have to keep practising.

[Young Dean is fastening a tie.]

Sonny: Oh, look at you. You clean up good!

Young Dean: Thank you. You know, uh ... I've never actually been to one of these school dances before.

Sonny: Yeah. Look, about that, Dean, your old man's outside … and, man, he's really something. I tried to tell him what a big night it was for you, Dean, and ask him if he could come back later, but he just said to tell you he had a job, said you'd know what that means.

[Young Dean tries to hold back tears.]

Sonny: You know, after I got out of jail, this place gave me a second chance, and it's done the same for you, too.

[Young Dean nods.]

Sonny: So if you want, I'll stick my neck out for you, and I'll fight for you to stay.

[John's car horn honks outside. Young Dean goes to the window to look, and sees a very young-looking Sam holding a spaceship out the window of the car. Young Dean laughs, choked-up, and turns back toward Sonny, holding out his hand. There's a tear trickling out his eye as they shake hands.]

Young Dean: Sonny... thank you ... for everything. But I have to go.

Rock and a Hard Place [9.08]

Jody: You know, I'm thinking whatever this thing is, it's not going after virgins, even born-again virgins.

Sam: It's taking virgins who break their chastity vow. So dragons are off the list.

Jody: I'm sor-- dragons? Those are a thing?

Sam: Yeah. Too many things are things.

Dean: Made me want to join a mariachi band just to be near you.

Suzy: You're not like... the other guys in town, are you? You're kind of a... a bad boy.

Dean: I don't know. Why don't you ask me that in Spanish?

Suzy: ¿Eres un Chico malo?

Dean : Sí

Tammy: I'm calling the cops!

Sheriff Jody Mills: I am the cops!

Tammy: (after Sheriff punches her and her nose starts bleeding) What the fudge, lady?

Vesta: What's wrong with you?

Sam: [worried and surprised] What?

Vesta: Your liver. It's... it's no good. Dear boy, you're all duct tape and safety pins inside. How are you alive?

Holy Terror [9.09]

Castiel: Didn't you say Sam was healed by an angel named Ezekiel?

Dean: Uh... Yeah, why?

Castiel: Ezekiel is dead.

Dean: What?

Castiel: He died when the angels fell.

Sam: What's going on? What are you doing?

Dean: I got to tell you some stuff fast. It's gonna piss you off.

Sam: Okay.

Dean: Those trials really messed you up.

Sam: Yes, I know that, Dea—

Dean: (hurriedly) No, you don't. I mean messed you up like almost dead. No more birthdays, dust to dust. Well, that messed me up, so I made a move, okay, a tough move about you without talking it over because you were in a coma.

Sam: Wait, what? When?

Dean: You were in the hospital, okay, and they said you were gonna die.

Sam: What did you do?

Dean: ... I let an angel in.

Sam: In what?

Dean: In you. He said he could heal you and he is.

Sam: He's still in me? Wait. (laughs) That's impossible, Dean. That couldn't happen. I never invited him in.

Dean: I tricked you into saying yes. It seemed like the only way.

Sam: (sighs) So... Again. You thought I couldn't handle something, so you took over!

[Dean is rounding the corner into the room, as Kevin screams.]

Dean: No! No! No! No! Kevin?!

[Dean runs forward, as Kevin's body drops to the floor.]

[Gadreel; possessing Sam, extends a hand pinning Dean to a wall.]

Dean: Sam?

Gadreel / Sam : There is no more Sam.

Dean: (gasps in pain)

Gadreel / Sam : But, I played him convincingly, I thought.

Gadreel / Sam :(after killing Kevin) I did what I had to do.

Road Trip [9.10]

Castiel: Dean. If the angel possessing Sam isn't Ezekiel, then who is it?

Dean: A dead man walking.

Castiel: What, you're gonna destroy him?

Dean: Damn right.

Castiel: You kill an angel, its vessel dies, too.

Dean: Think I don't know that? If I don't end Sam and that halo burns him out and I... God, I was so damn stupid.

Castiel: You were stupid for the right reasons.

Dean: Yeah, like that matters.

Castiel: It does. Sometimes that's all that matters.

Crowley: How many times am I gonna have to say this? People in your general vicinity don't have much in the way of a life-span.

Crowley: Looks like we need a tiebreaker. Go get moose, squirrel... Unless... Unless, of course, you can't. That's why you're here, isn't it? The poor giant baby's in trouble again, isn't he?

Dean: Yeah, I got played.

Castiel: I thought I was saving Heaven. I got played, too.

Dean: So you're sayin' we're both a couple of dumbasses?

Castiel: I prefer the word "trusting." Less dumb. Less ass.

Castiel: It's his fault -- all of it. The corruption of man, demons, hell. God left because of him. The archangels... the apocalypse. If he hadn't been so weak, none of it would have happened. You ruined the universe, you damn son of a bitch!

Gadreel: It won't work. You will never find your brother. Go ahead. Poke and prod. I can sit in this chair for years and watch you fail over and over again. I've endured much worse than this, Dean. So...much...worse. And I have all the time in the world.

Dean: If you mess with Sam, if you try anything --

Crowley: I keep my bargains. Besides, I don't want to be inside your brother any longer than I have to. I'm not one for sloppy seconds.

Dean: When you find him, say "Poughkeepsie." It's our go word. It means "drop everything and run."

Crowley: Fine. While I'm gone, hands off the suit.

Sam: [heartbreakingly] Did I kill Kevin?

Crowley: No, you didn't. He did. You need to take control, Sam. Blow it up and cast that punk-ass holy roller out!

Sam: (expelling Gadreel) I said get...the hell...Out!

Crowley: Go. The back door. I'll handle this.

Dean: Oh, 'cause you're such a good guy?

Crowley: Right now, I'm the goodest guy you got.

Dean: This don't make us square. I see you again --

Crowley: I'm dead. Yes, I know. I love you, too.

[Dean and Castiel help Sam out.]

Crowley: Pleasure doing business with you boys, as always.

Crowley: See, that's your problem, love. You think this is a fight.

Abbadon: It's not?

Crowley: It's a campaign. Hearts and minds, that's what's important. See, the demons have a choice -- take orders from the world's angriest ginger -- and that's saying something -- or join my team, where everyone gets a say, a virgin, and all the entrails they can eat. So, think on this, lads. Spread the word -- vote Crowley.

Dean: Come on, man. Can't you see? I'm... I'm poison, Sam. People get close to me, they get killed...or worse. You know, I tell myself that I-I... I help more people than I hurt. And I tell myself that I'm... I'm doing it all for the right reasons, and I... I believe that. But I can't... I won't... Drag anybody through the muck with me. Not anymore.

Sam: Go. I'm not gonna stop you... But don't go thinking that's the problem, 'cause it's not.

First Born [9.11]

Dean: You want to hunt? With me?

Crowley: I do love a good buddy comedy.

Castiel: I enjoyed the taste of food -- particularly peanut butter with grape jelly, not jam. Jam I found unsettling.

Sam: So, what? Now you can't taste PB and J?

Castiel: No, I-I taste every molecule.

Sam: Not the sum of its parts, huh?

Castiel: It's overwhelming. It's disgusting. [looks longingly at the sandwich] I miss you, PB and J.

[Castiel is healing Sam]

Sam: What?

Castiel: Nothing.

Sam: You're a terrible liar.

Castiel: That is not true. I once deceived and betrayed both you and your brother.

Sam: Well, they didn't have a guinea pig, but we do.

Castiel: [looks up very confused] You have a guinea pig? Where?

Sam: Me, Cas. I'm the guinea pig.

Crowley: Ah, that's, uh, a funny story, really. Bit of a misunderstanding. We really should --

Cain: [motions with his hand and Crowley is rendered speechless] Shh.

Dean: Oh, you gotta teach me how to do that.

Sam: [weakly] Keep going.

Castiel: Why?

Sam: We -- we -- we have to find Gadreel.

Castiel: [starts to remove the needle] No. Why must the Winchesters run toward death?

Sam: [Stopping Cas] No, don't. Don't. Don't stop.

Castiel: Sam, when I was human, I died, and that showed me that life is precious, and it must be protected at all costs, even a life as... as pig-headed as a Winchester's.

Sam: [Softly] My life's not worth any more than anyone else's... not yours or Dean's...or Kevin's. Please. Please, help me do one thing right.

Crowley: You're good... But I'm Crowley.

Castiel: The only person who has screwed things up more consistently than you...is me. And now I know what that guilt feels like. And I know what it... I know what it means to feel sorry, Sam. I am sorry.

Sam: I know.

Castiel: You know, old me... I would've have just kept going. I would've jammed that needle in deeper until you died because the ends always justified the means. But what I went though... Well, that PB and J taught me that angels can change, so... who knows? Maybe Winchesters can, too.

Cain: I can give you the mark, Dean, if it's what you truly want.

Dean: What are you talking about?

Cain: The mark can be transferred to someone who's worthy.

Dean: You mean a killer like you?

Cain: Yes.

Dean: Can I use it to kill that bitch?

Cain: Yes. But you have to know with the mark comes a great burden. Some would call it a great cost.

Sharp Teeth [9.012]

Sam: [SAM notices a part of a scar on DEAN's arm] What happened to your arm?

Dean: [pulls up his sleeve so he can see it better] Oh. It's a... gift from Cain.

Sam: Like...the wrestler?

Dean: I wish. That would be awesome. Uh, no. The, uh...The Old Testament dude.

Garth: That's Dean. Now, he could start a fight in an empty house, but deep down inside, he's just a big ol' Teddy bear.

Garth: Yeah, because you two came busting in here like a house on fire. Guns waving, the jawlines and the hair -- it's very intimidating! What'd you expect?

Sam: But something's broken here, Dean.

Dean: I'm not saying that it's not. I... I just think maybe we need to put a couple W's on the board and we get past all this.

Sam: I don't think so. No, I-I wish, but... We don't...see things the same way anymore -- our roles in this whole thing. Back in that church, talking me out of boarding up hell? Or -- or tricking me into letting Gadreel possess me? I can't trust you -- not the way I thought I could, not the way I should be able to.

Dean: Okay, look. Whatever happened... We are family, okay?

Sam: You say that like it's some sort of cure-all, like it can change the fact that everything that has ever gone wrong between us has been because we're family.

Dean: So, what -- we're not family now?

Sam: I'm saying, you want to work? Let's work. If you want to be brothers...

The Purge [9.13]

Dean: Yeah, Why do I gotta be the lunch lady?

Sam: Since when have you ever complained about being around food?

Dean: Okay this is not food.

Alonso: Hey new guy, stop flirting with the trainer and keep scooping.

Sam: What the hell happened?!

Dean: I was drugged.

Sam: Dru... what?

Dean: [still loopy and lying on his stomach] Pudding. It was supposed to be for the clients, but I couldn't resist.

Sam: [picks up the bowl and smells it] What, salted caramel?

Dean: Yeah, man. The best of both worlds ... salty and sweet.

Dean: [looking in the supplement bottle] These aren't "supplements", they're roofies.

Sam: What? How do you know what roofies look like?

Dean: How do you not know? You think I want to end up in a hotel bathtub with my kidney carved out? In Chechnya?

Dean: You know, Sam, I saved your hide back there. And I saved your hide at that church... And the hospital. I may not think things all the way through. Okay? But what I do, I do because it's the right thing. I'd do it again.

Sam: And that... is the problem. You think you're my savior, my brother, the hero. You swoop in, and even when you mess up, you think what you're doing is worth it because you've convinced yourself you're doing more good than bad... But you're not... I mean, Kevin's dead, Crowley's in the wind. We're no closer to beating this angel thing. Please tell me, what is the upside of me being alive?

Dean: [shocked] You kidding me? You and me... fighting the good fight together.

Sam: Okay. Just once, be honest with me. You didn't save me for me. You did it for you.

Dean: [totally confused] What are you talkin' about?

Sam: I was ready to die. I was ready. I should have died, but you... You didn't want to be alone, and that's what all this boils down to. You can't stand the thought of being alone.

Dean: All right.

Sam: I'll give you this much. You are certainly willing to do the sacrificing as long as you're not the one being hurt.

Dean: All right, you want to be honest? If the situation were reversed and I was dying, you'd do the same thing.

Sam: No Dean, I wouldn’t. Same circumstances, I wouldn’t.

Captives [9.14]

Dean: [On his phone] Crowley, it's Dean. Call me when you get this.

Sam: Really, Dean?

Dean: What?

Sam: That's your third unanswered voicemail. You ever think maybe he's just not that into you?

Castiel: I don't want to fight. But if I have to, I will.

Angel: I didn't come to fight. When I fell, I thought I had no choice, but yesterday, you've showed me that there is a choice. And I choose you.

Sam: And you were ours. And we failed you. I --

Kevin: Sam. I know that wasn't you. Go put a blade in that asshat who possessed you and we'll call it square... Guys. Thank you.

Dean: You can thank us when we get you to heaven where you belong. Okay, until then, enjoy your time with your mom. The, uh, uninterrupted, 24/7, no-escape quality time.

Kevin: Dick. Hey, before I go... Will you guys promise me something?

Dean: Yeah.

Sam: Anything.

Kevin: Can you two... Get over it? Dudes, just 'cause you couldn't see me doesn't mean I couldn't see you. The drama, the fighting... It's stupid. My mom's taking home a ghost. You two... You're both still here.

#Thinman [9.15]

Harry:[sarcastically] Ah, the Winchesters. Yay.

Ed: Says nobody.

Harry: Ever.

Harry: And -- and quit raining on my rainbow.

Ed: Rainbows can't happen without rain.

Harry: Don't try to use science with me.

Dean: You know what video would have gone viral, if we still had it? When you were five and you got dressed up as Batman and you jumped off the shed 'cause you thought you could fly.

Sam: After you jumped first.

Dean: Hey, I was nine, and I was dressed up like superman, okay? Everybody knows that Batman can't fly.

Sam: [chuckling] Well, I didn't know that. I broke my arm.

Dean: [laughing] I know you did. Man, I drove you to the E.R. on my handlebars. Hm, good times.

Ed: It's Scooby-Doo time, douche bag. Take off the mask. I know you're not Thinman. You're just a "me-me".

Harry: Ed, it's pronounced meme.

Ed: It's spelled m-e-m-e, though.

Harry: The second "e" is silent. Yeah.

Ed: You're a me-me ... a-a man-meme, and I invented you.

Ed: You roll with a guy so many years, you start to think he's always gonna be next to you. Like, when you're old and you're drinking on the porch, he'll be in that other rocking chair. And then something happens, and you realize that other chair has gone empty.

Blade Runners [9.16]

Dean: He goes missing for weeks on end without a peep? Well, not one that makes sense, anyway. Listen to this.

[Dean sets his phone on the table and plays a voicemail on speaker]

Crowley: Dean. Um... [indecipherable ramblings]

Sam: Wait a second. Did he...Drunk-dial you?

Dean: Look at you. You're a mess. You know, we were counting on you. You let us down.

Sam: Your slimy followers were counting on you to kill Abaddon, and you let them down.

Dean: The man with all the mojo -- Captain Evil.

Sam: Oh, it's pathetic.

Crowley: What is this? An intervention?

Sam: You need to focus, Crowley. Get a grip!

Dean: What, you just gonna let Hell go to Hell?

Crowley: You don't know what it's like to be human!

[Crowley is messing with a vending machine.]

Sam: [exasperated] What is Crowley doing?

Dean: Stealing candy.

Sam: He is ... he's ... he's stealing candy.

Dean: You know, at least when Cas was human, he was an okay guy. Should've known Crowley would be a douche version... [Shouting at Crowley] Hey. Hey! Cut it out, man! Image! You're the king of rotten. Act like it.

Dean: Well, you're looking good for a guy pushing...90?

Magnus: Well, thanks, sport. There's a spell for damn near everything.

Magnus: [Holding the First Blade] Should we fire it up? What do you say?

Dean: Go to hell.

Magnus: [Regarding the First Blade] Next time, it'll be easier. You'll get used to the feelings, even welcome them.

Crowley: I did good, eh, moose? Everything on the list. You're welcome.

Sam: Remember -- stay close, do what I say, and shut the hell up.

Crowley: I'm growing on you, aren't I?

Mother's Little Helper [9.17]

Crowley: You're lying to Sam like he's your wife, which kind of makes me your mistress.

Julia: You're one of them, aren't you?

Sam: Sorry. One of who?

Julia: Men of Letters... They came here in 1958.

Sam: Men of Letters... came here?

Julia: Oh, yes. It was different then.

Crowley: Last time we chitchatted, we agreed that you were gonna line up Carrot Top.

Dean: Yep, well...I'm on it.

Crowley: Unless Abaddon likes 10-cent wings, stale beer, and the clap, I doubt that she's here.

Crowley: What's in that bottle? Delusion?

Jake: For a second there, I thought he made me.

Crowley: He has other things on his mind.

Jake: But he did do exactly what you said he would. He saved you.

Crowley: Of course he saved me. We're besties. And now he's ready.

Sam: So, after all these years, you're still doing Abaddon's dirty work, huh, Agnes?

Sister Agnes: Would you believe it's gotten even dirtier? Used to be folks believed in the church. Heck, the way they would come strolling in here, looking for God. It was like fish in a barrel, really. But times change. You can blame your perverts for that. Now I'm riding shotgun in some smelly van with a handyman and tricking any half-wit I can lay my hands on. But it's worth it.

Sam: Because... Stealing souls is so noble.

Sister Agnes: Stealing souls is winning!

Sam: Winning what?

Sister Agnes: Hell's crown, nimrod. You think Abaddon is just gonna sit there while those pantywaisted demons refuse to pick a side?! And so she made a plan -- if you can't convince 'em, make 'em.

Henry: This -- our work... It's a noble calling, isn't it? I mean, yes, there's risk, but, gosh. I feel the fool for doubting it for even a second.

Abaddon/Josie: Hmm.

Henry: And you, Josie?

Abaddon/Josie: Me? Well, I feel like a whole new person.

Sam: You were right.

Dean: About what?

Sam: Finding Abaddon ASAP. She's mining souls.

Dean: Why?

Sam: To create an army.

Meta Fiction [9.18]

Metatron: What makes a story work? Is it the plot, the characters, the text? The subtext? And who gives a story meaning? Is the writer? Or you? Tonight, I thought I would tell you a little story and let you decide.

[Castiel on speaker phone with Sam and Dean]

Castiel: [looking at the hotel room’s honor bar] Honor bar. What's honorable about a miniature bar in a motel room?

Dean: Everything.

Castiel: [With a smile] How are you, Dean?

Dean: [Monotone] I'm fine, Cas. How 'bout you?

Castiel: [wistfully] I miss my wings. Life on the road... smells.

Gabriel: [with a porn-stache] Hello. Remember me, bucko?

Castiel: Gabriel?

Gabriel: [rips the porn-stache off] I'm gonna take that as a yes.

Gabriel: I never watched "Downton Abbey." I was just trying to fit in.

Gadreel: If this is like looking into a fun-house mirror for me, I cannot imagine what it is like for you.

Sam: [barely controlling his rage] How long have you been working for Metatron?

Gadreel: I will not talk, and you cannot make me.

Sam: Yeah?

Gadreel: I have been you, Sam Winchester. Your insides reek of shame and weakness.

Metatron: You have been around since scaly things crawled out of the muck. Would it have killed you to pick up a book, watch a movie? [sighs] Here. I know it's a bit of a retcon, but it's gonna make this whole conversation a lot easier.

Gadreel: So, he acts tough, and you show kindness. Is that how this works?

Dean: [his eyes dark] No. See, I don't care whether you talk. You're gonna pay for what you did to him...and Kevin.

GadreelYou really think Sam would do anything for you?

[Dean is heartbroken but hides it]

Dean: Oh, I know he would.

GadreelI have been in your brother's body, Dean. He would not trade his life for yours.

Dean: Well, thanks for the rerun, pal. Sam's already told me all that crap. Hell, he's told me worse.

GadreelHe told you that he has always felt that way... that he thinks you are just a scared little boy who's afraid to be on his own because daddy never loved him enough? And he is right, isn't he? Right to think you are a coward, a sad, clingy, needy...

[Dean punches Gadreel]

Dean: Keep it up!

Gadreel...Pathetic bottom-feeder who cannot even take care of himself, who would rather drag everyone through the mud than be alone, who would let everyone around him die!

[Dean swings his angel blade to stab Gadreel but stops at the last moment]

Gadreel [opens his eyes in a panic] No. Do it. Do it! Kill me!

Dean: [icily] Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? That's what that whole speech was about? You're not afraid to die, are you? You're afraid to be left in these chains forever. Well, you can sit here and rot, you son of bitch.

Sam: He's late.

Dean: Or he's not gonna show.

Metatron: [appearing] Of course I'm gonna show. I was just waiting for you two to finished setting up your little trap for me. Uh... Am I hitting my mark? Well, come on. Let's go. I'm waiting.

[Dean lights the circle of holy fire Metatron is stood in.]

Metatron: [Fakes a cry of pain then laughs] Either of you bring s'mores? Holy Fire always gives them a delightful minty aftertaste. Make a wish, boys. [Metatron blows out the flames]

Alex Annie Alexis Ann [9.19]

Dean: I don't know, Sammy. Looks like Jody might not need our help anymore.

Sam: Oh, they grow up too fast.

Dean: Don't they?

Jody: Yeah, joke all you want.

[Sam is tied to a chair]

Connor Hell of a sight to come home to... Brother lying dead on the floor. [He rams the butt of the gun into Sam's stomach.] No idea it was a Winchester that had done it. So...Which one of you was it? Which one of you took off my brother's head?! Was it you? Was it him? Pretty fitting ... brother for a brother. This place has been a good home to us. But since you two had to come around and ruin it, we're gonna have to hit the road and find a new one. And when we hit the road... we like to pack a lunch.

[Connor cuts some surgical tubing and picks up a bucket and moves towards Sam]

Sam: Dean.

Dean: Yeah, I know. You wouldn't have done the same for me.

Sam: No. Jody.

Sam: Nice work back there. "Look at me, bitch?"

Dean: Well, hey, you got another snappy one-liner, I'm all ears.

Sam: What I'm saying is... it looked to me like you were enjoying it. Maybe too much.

Dean: And? Well, sorry for not putting on a hair shirt. Killing things that need killing is kind of our job. Last I checked, taking pleasure in that is not a crime.

Bloodlines [9.20]

Dean: Listen, uh, Detective... Your, uh, perp fits a certain profile. Now, I could go into detail, but I'm -- I'm not going to.

Ennis: And when I got to her... She...She ...

Sam: There is nothing you could've done.

Ennis: That supposed to make me feel better? Look, this thing wasn't human. So what are you gonna do about it?

Dean: I don't know what to tell you, kid. There's no such thing as monsters.

Dean: [After decapitating a vampire] He looks better with a little off the top, don't you think? You want to run, now's the time.

Ennis: I'm not going anywhere until someone tells me what the hell's going on.

Dean: You should go.

Ennis: No.

Dean: All right, Sammy, give him the talk.

Sam: All right, look, my name is Sam Winchester. That's my brother Dean. We, uh... ...we kill vampires. And werewolves, and demons, and -- basically, we chase down evil... And we cut its head off.

Ennis: So you're, what, monster cops?

Dean: Hunters.

Dean: All right, you're with me, Romeo.

David: Sounds good, Buffy.

King of the Damned [9.21]

Crowley: You betrayed me? No one in the history of torture’s been tortured with torture like the torture you’ll be tortured with.

Sam: I see. I got it. So, you heard a rumor about Metatron's "secret portal", and you decided to run with it.

Ezra: It's not a rumor. He showed me.

Dean: I get it. He's a fan.

Sam: A fan. Yeah.

Dean: You're a fan. Just 'cause you're hot for Metatron... ...or Bieber or Beckham... Just 'cause you know everything about them doesn't mean that you actually know them.

Sam: Or that they even know you exist.

Dean: Ooh, that's cold, Sammy.

Sam: I'm just sayin', man.

Gavin: You sold your soul?! Sold it?! For an extra three inches of willy?!

Dean: (on phone) Damn it, Crowley, the grave is guarded!

Crowley: (on phone) That's absurd.

Dean: (on phone) A Hellhound!

Crowley: (on phone) No, no, no, she was collected.

Dean: (on phone) The hell she was!

Sam: Guys!

Crowley: (on phone) Time was, no one would dare disobey the king.

Sam: Guys!

Dean: (on phone) I'm gonna put you on speaker!

Crowley: (on phone) Juliet? It's papa. Stand down. [She does.] You're welcome.

[Dean stabs Abbadon multiple times]

Sam: Dean. Dean! Dean! Stop! You can stop.

Crowley: Please. No one bends the rules like you two bend the rules. He's one misfit kid. He impacts no one.

Crowley: You'll be fine. Just avoid cheap whiskey and cheap hookers. Look at me, getting all fatherly.

Gavin: So this is goodbye, then?

Crowley: Yes. Forever. Unless, of course, I catch you smoking, in which case, I'll smack you stupid.

Gavin: Goodbye, then. And thank you...father.

[Gavin moves to hug, but Crowley stops him.]

Crowley: Whoa, whoa. Easy, easy. As you were. Goodbye, Gavin. Oh, uh... Don't go mentioning that whole "Prince of Hell" thing. Doesn't play too well in most circles.

Dean: First time I touched that Blade...I knew. I knew that I wouldn't be stopped. I knew I would take down Abaddon and anything else if I had to. And it wasn't a hero thing. You know, it wasn't... It was just calm. I knew. And I had to go it alone, Sammy.

Sam: Look...I'm glad it worked out, okay? I am. And I'm glad the Blade gives you strength or calm or whatever, but, Dean, I got to say... I'm starting to think the Blade is doing something else, too.

Dean: Yeah? Like what?

Sam: I don't know. Like, something to you. Look... I'm thinking until we know for sure that we're gonna kill off Crowley, why don't we store the Blade somewhere distant? Lock it up somewhere safe? Okay?

Dean: No.

Stairway to Heaven [9.22]

Dean: He's a weird, dorky, little guy. But he happens to have an army of Angels behind him, and, even though I hate to say it, if we're gonna take a shot at Metatron, they might be useful.

Metatron: Uh...just a second!

[A second later, Gadreel enters. Metatron glares at him.]

Gadreel: I gave you a second.

Metatron: You are such an...angel sometimes. What do you want?

Sam: Uh, roll call? You hold, uh, roll call?

Castiel: They like to hear me say their names.

Dean: I know a couple of women like that.

Castiel: It's Enochian. I believe it's some sort of riddle. "Why is six afraid of seven?" Now, I assume it's because seven is a prime number, and prime numbers can be intimidating.

Sam: [bemused] It's because seven eight nine.

[The door opens with a loud creak]

Castiel: It's wordplay. And the answer is the key, like the doors of Durin in "Lord of the Rings."

Sam: Wait a second. You know about "The Lord of the Rings?"

Castiel: I'm very pop-culture savvy now.

Sam: So, Dean, uh...are we gonna talk about this, or what?

Dean: About what? Yeah, I lied, but you were being an infant.

Sam: Wow. Even for you, that apology sucked.

Dean: Oh, I'm not apologizing. I'm telling you how it's gonna be.

Sam: Dean, that Blade...

Dean: That Blade's the only thing that can kill Metatron, and I am the only one who can use it...so from here on out, I'm calling the shots. Capisce? Look, until I jam that Blade through that douchebag's heart, we are not a team. This is a dictatorship. Now, you don't have to like it, but that's how it's gonna be.

Dean: Cas, you just gave up an entire army for one guy. No, there's no way that you blew those people away.

Castiel: You really believe we three will be enough?

Dean: We always have been.

Do You Believe in Miracles [9.23]

Sam: Something is wrong with you, Dean. And until we figure out what, this is where you have to stay.

Dean: And you two are gonna do what? Take on Metatron yourselves? That's smart. Oh, no, wait. No, you... [motions to Castiel] you lost your Angel army. And you... [motions to Sam] now you're trying to lock up the one guy who has a shot at killing the son of a bitch?! Hell of a plan, fellas!

Crowley: Love, if I wanted a soapy massage from Dr. Phil, I would have hit 3 on the speed dial, all right?

Dean: What the hell's happening to me, you son of a bitch?

Crowley: Liquor before beer, bad taco? How should I know?

Crowley: You never get tired of the rat race? Never get the urge to just...bugger off and howl at the moon? Never ask yourself, "is this it? Is this all there is?" I kicked human blood, you know.

Dean: Oh, so you're full-metal douche again. Well, that's fantastic. Would you like a stuffed bear?

Dean: How's hell, Crowley?

Crowley: Hell's fine. Hell's like a Swiss watch. Don't worry about hell. Hell's complicated.

Dean: "Game of Thrones" is complicated. Shower sex... that's complicated. Hell ain't complicated. Your problem ain't hell. It's you.

Crowley: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're not gonna eat your food?

Dean: Not hungry.

Castiel: The door to heaven is in a playground?

Gadreel: Guarded by two of Metatron's most loyal. I recruited them myself. So, you said you had a plan... How we might convince them to let us pass.

Castiel: [pulls out handcuffs] Wookiee.

Gadreel: [looks very confused] Brother, I have no idea what that means.

Castiel: It's a reference to a very popular film that... never mind.

Crowley: Well, I guess I've been Winchestered.

Gadreel: I sat in this hole for thousands of years, thinking of nothing but redemption, of reclaiming my good name. I thought of nobody, no cause, other than my own.

Castiel: You've been redeemed, my friend.

Gadreel: The only thing that matters in the end is the mission... protecting those who would not and cannot protect themselves... the humans. None of us is bigger than that. And we will not let our fears, our self-absorption prevent us from seeing it through. Not anymore.

Castiel: No. Of course not.

Gadreel: Move to the other side of your cell, Castiel, and keep your head down.

Castiel: What are you doing?

[Hannah see that Gadreel has carved a suicide sigil on his chest and fumbles to unlock the door]

Gadreel: When they say my name, perhaps I won't just be the one who let the serpent in. Perhaps I will be known as one of the many...

Castiel: Gadreel.

Gadreel: ...who gave heaven a second chance. Run, sister.

Dean: You can save the humble pie Jesus routine for somebody who gives a damn.

Metatron: The problem with you Dean, is the cinism. Always with the cinism. But most people, even the real belly crawlers, living in filth, or Brentwood, they don't want to be cinical. They just want something to believe in.

Dean: And that'be you.

Metatron: Why not me?

Dean: You've been working those people outside for what, a day? And they've already spilled blood in your name. You're nothing but Bernie Madoff with wings.

Metatron: Ah, ah. So I'm a fake. Do you have any idea how much pancake make-up and soft lighting it took to get God to work a rope line? He hated it. And you know, humans sensed that. So they prayed harder and longer and fought more wars in His name. And for what?ǃ So they could die of malaria? Leukemia? And all the while, blaming themselvesː "Oh, if only I'd been more prayrful, God would have loved meǃ God would have saved meǃ" You know what?ǃ God didn't even know their nameǃ But I do. Because I've walked among them, and I can save them.

Dean: Sure you can. So long as your mug is in every Bible, and "What would Metatron do?" is on every bumper.

Metatron: And? What, are you blaming me for giving them what they want? Giving them a brand they can believe in?

Dean: I'm blaming you for Kevinǃ I'm blaming you for taking Cas' Grace. Hell, I'm blaming you for the Cubs not winning the World Series in the last 100 freaking yearsǃ :[Showing the First Blade] Whatever it is, I'm blaming you.

Metatron: The First Blade. Nasty piece of work, isn't she? Ok, let's say you win, Dean, and I die. What's the world left with then, hmm? A herd of panty-waisted angels and you? Half out of your mind with lord knows what pumping through those veins?

Dean: You see, the only thing you've said that went in my ear was that you die.

Metatron: Oh, fine. We'll fight. I don't know what you expect is gonna come of all this. Unless... that's why you're stalling. Because you know nothing's gonna come of this unless your pals :[Gadreel and Castiel] succeed upstairs. Well, here's a newsflashː Humpty and Dumpty are starring in their very own version of "Locked Up Abroadː Heaven" right now.

[Dean punches Metatron]

Metatron: Wow, that big blade and that douchy tribal tat sure gave you some super juice. Whooǃ Okay...[They start fighting]

Sam: Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shut up. Shut up. Just save your energy, all right? Oh, man. We'll stop the bleeding. We'll... we'll get you a doctor or... or I'll find a spell. You're gonna be okay.

[Sam takes his brother's hand and presses it to his chest to keep the cloth in place.]

Dean: Listen to me. It's better this way.

Sam: What?!

Dean: [Gasping in pain] The Mark. It's making me into something I don't want to be.

[Dean is dying despite Sam trying to save him]

Dean: I thought you were alright with this?

Sam: I lied.

Dean: Ain't that a bitch.

Metatron: Ah. So Gadreel bites the dust. And the Angel tablet... arguably the most powerful instrument in the history of the universe... is in pieces, and for what again? Oh, that's right... to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right? Well, guess what. He's dead, too.

[Castiel's horrified eyes shoot to Metatron's face]

Dean: (last words) I'm proud of us.

[Dean lies dead on a bed]

Crowley: Your brother, bless his soul, is summoning me as I speak. Make a deal, bring you back. It's exactly what I was talking about, isn't it? It's all become so... expected. You have to believe me. When I suggested you take on the Mark of Cain, I didn't know this was going to happen. Not really. I mean, I might not have told you the entire truth. But I never lied. I never lied, Dean. That's important. It's fundamental. But...there is one story about Cain that I might have... forgotten to tell you. Apparently, he, too, was willing to accept death, rather than becoming the killer the Mark wanted him to be. So he took his own life with the Blade. He died. Except, as rumor has it, the Mark never quite let go. You can understand why I never spoke of this. Why set hearts aflutter at mere speculation? It wasn't until you summoned me... No, it wasn't truly until you left that cheeseburger uneaten...that I began to let myself believe. Maybe miracles do come true.

[Crowley places the First Blade into Dean's hand and lays them both on Dean's chest.]

Crowley: Listen to me, Dean Winchester, what you're feeling right now... it's not death. It's life... a new kind of life. Open your eyes, Dean. See what I see. Feel what I feel. Let's go take a howl at that moon.

[Dean's eyes open, they are demonic black.]

Season 10

Black [10.1]

Crowley: Jerk.

Dean: Bitch.

Anne Marie: Get a room you two.

Crowley: Had a room until you two soiled it.

Anne Marie: Love you Crowley.

Crowley: Love you more sweetheart.

Anne Marie: Anne Marie, jackass.

Crowley: Knew that.

Crowley: (Answering his phone) You're dead.

Sam: Nope. Just using a dead man's phone.

Crowley: Moose. Took you long enough. Your brother and I were beginning to wonder if you'd hit another dog. You know?

Sam: My brother is dead, Crowley. I know you have some freaking demon parading around in his meatsuit, and trust me, you are gonna pay for that.

Crowley: Moose. Moose. I'm afraid you haven't allowed yourself to dream quite big enough here. Your brother is very much alive, courtesy of the mark. And the only demonized soul inside of Dean is his and his alone. Wee bit more twisted, a little more mangled beyond human recognition, but, I can assure you, all his. There, now. Feel better?

Sam: And the, uh, Abaddon supporters you've been sending to kill my brother, how does Dean feel about that double-cross?

Crowley: If that's what you think is happening, then you're more out of your depths than I thought.

Sam: I don't know how you did this, what kind of... Black-magic stunt you pulled, but hear me --I will save my brother or die trying.

Crowley: You know what tickles me about all this? It's what's really eating you up. You don't care that he's a demon. Heck, you've been a demon. We've all been demons. No, it's that he's with me and he's having the time of his life. You can't stand the fact that he's mine.

Sam: He's not your pet.

Crowley: My pet? He's my best friend, my partner in crime. They'll write songs about us, graphic novels -- The Misadventures of Growley and Squirrel. Dean Winchester completes me, and that's what makes you lose your chickens.

Dean: You lied.

Crowley: Who do you think you're talking to here? Does the tin man have a sheet-metal Willy? Of course I lied.

Dean: I left you an open tab at the bar. Knock yourself out.

Cole: Well, hell, I just may take you up on that.

Dean: And who is this?

Cole: Me? Well, I'm karma, brother.

Dean: On my brother's phone?

Cole: On your brother's phone.

Dean: Is he dead?

Cole: No. Not yet. And as long as you show up where I tell you to show up, your brother will be just fine.

Dean: And how do I know he's still alive?

Cole: (holding the phone out to Sam) Speak.

Sam: [Sam looks at the phone heartbroken but doesn't say a word. Cole punches Sam in the face.] Aah!

Cole: Proof of life.

Sam: Dean!

Cole: Got a pen?

Dean: No, you listen to me. There's no trade. There's no meet-up. There's no nothing -- except the 100% guarantee that, somewhere down the road, I will find you, and I will kill you.

Cole: Well, that'll be a cold comfort to your dead brother.

Dean: I told him to let me go. So whatever jam he's in now, that is his problem.

Cole: Yeah, well, I'll be sure to pass that on to him as I'm slitting his throat.

Dean: Yeah, you do that, 'cause he knows me. And he knows damn sure that if I am one thing, I am a man of my word.

Reichenbach [10.2]

Sam: Cas, Dean's a demon

Castiel: Dean's a demon? How?

Sam: The Mark, I guess it messed him up, I don't know.

Castiel: That is a vast understatement.

Hannah: Castiel I think the Winchesters are a bad influence on you.

Castiel: Sam and Dean may be a bit rough around the edges, but they're the best men I've ever known. And they're my friends.

Dean: [To Bartender] Two shots here. He'll have something fancy, with your tiniest umbrella.

Crowley: So...How you been feeling? On edge? Pent-up? Unfulfilled?

Dean: You sound like a Viagra commercial. You know that, right?

Crowley: This isn't about...Little Dean. It's about the Mark. It changed you.

Dean: [flashing black eyes] I've noticed.

Crowley: And I know that you want to keep the party going. You want to have fun, fun, fun till daddy takes the black eyes away. The fact is...you need to kill now. Not want to, not choose to --need to.

Bartender: [setting Dean's shots down and a cocktail in front of Crowley] There you go.

Crowley: [with a withering look] Danke. Face it, darling. You're an addict. Death is your drug. And you're gonna spend the rest of your life chasing that dragon.

Little Girl: Did you have a good dream?

Castiel: Well, I, uh, I don't really dream.

Little Girl: Why? One time I dreamed that my snot was a rocket and it shot into space and knocked down the stars to make room for more rockets!

Castiel: That sounds like some very special snot.

Dean: So what are you gonna do, you gonna kill me?

Sam: No.

Dean: Why? You don't know what I've done, I might have it coming.

Sam: I don't care. Because you are my brother and I'm here to take you home.

Dean: You're my brother and I'm here to take you home. Ah, what is this a Lifetime movie, with your puppy dog eyes? Thanks Sammy, I needed that.

Cole: Wow. It's really you.

Dean: We met?

Cole: Talked on the phone.

Dean: Right, right. You're the guy who's supposed to put a bullet in Sammy's brain. Did you miss?

Cole: Well, I had a better idea: I figure if I let your bro escape, he'd go running to you, and all I had to do was just tag along. And now here we are, finally. Dean Winchester.

Dean: Great, a groupie.

Cole: You remember me?

Dean: Yeah, yeah. You're that guy, from that thing.

Cole: Nyack, New York, June 21st 2003.

Dean: That supposed to ring a bell?

Cole: It was the night you gutted and murdered a man by the name of Edward Trenton. He was my father.

Dean: [nonchalant] Okay.

Cole: Okay?

Dean: Well hey, I'm not saying I didn't slice and dice your old man. I'm just saying that he wasn't the first and he certainly wasn't the last, and they all just kinda get blended up.

Dean: Y'know -- and I'm just spit-balling here -- but uh, maybe you are not as good as you think you are.

Dean: What'd you think was gonna happen, huh, you'd just stroll up here and say, "My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die" and I'd just roll over? Well that's just -- that makes me sad.

Dean: You have no idea what you walked into here do you? None.

Cole: What are you?

Dean: I'm a demon.

Cole: Do it! You said if you saw me, you'd kill me so do it!

Dean: Well, I guess I change my mind.

Sam: [Throws holy water on Dean, handcuffing him] Stop! It's over! It's over, Dean!

Sam: This doesn't make us square. If I see you again...

Crowley: Oh stop it Samantha, nobody likes a tease.

Sam: You know what Dean. I saw what happened back there, you could have killed that guy and you didn't, you took mercy on him.

Dean: You call that mercy? Imagine you spend your whole life hunting down the guy that knifed your father. When you finally find him, he whips you like a dog -- how do you think that feels? That kid is going to spend his whole life knowing that he had his shot and that he couldn't beat me, that ain't mercy. That's the worst thing I could have done to him. And what I'm gonna do to you Sammy, well that ain't gonna be mercy either.

Soul Survivor [10.3]

Dean: Sam, I know you think you’re going try and fix me, but did it never occur to you maybe I don’t want to be fixed? Just let me go live my life, I won’t bother you. What do you care?

Sam: What do I care?

Dean: You think I'm just going to sit here like Crowley, getting all weepy while you shoot me up? Well, screw that! I don’t want this.

Sam: Yeah, I pretty much figured that out.

Dean: You don’t even know if this is going to work, do you? You know, I've got a helluva a lot more running through me than just demon juice.

Sam: Mark of Cain, got it.

Dean: Sammy…you know I hate shots.

Sam: I hate demons.

Sam: You want me to debate you? This isn't even the real you I'm talking to.

Dean: Oh it's the real me alright, the new real me, the me that sees things for what they really are. Winchesters. Do-gooders fighting the natural order. Let me tell you something. Guys like me, we are the natural order. It's the way it was set up.

Sam: Guys like me still gotta do what we can.

Dean: Don't be so full of yourself Sammy. See from where I'm sitting there ain't much difference from what I turned into and what you already are.

Sam: And what exactly is that supposed to mean?

Dean: I know what you did when you went looking for me. And I know how far you went. Crowley told me all about it. So let me ask you... which one of us is really the monster, hmm? Starting to come back to you now.

Demon: Majesty, supplicants await without.

Crowley: Without what?

Demon: Outside.

Crowley: Let them wait.

Demon: They've waited a long time.

Crowley: It's Hell. You wait. It's what you do.

Dean: There's no point in trying to bring your brother back now.

Sam: Oh, I will bring him back.

Dean: In fact, your, uh, guilt-ridden, weight-of-the-world bro has been M.I.A. for quite some time now. But I'm loving the new model -- lean, mean Dean.

Dean: You notice I tried to get as far away from you possible? Away from your whining, your complaining. I chose the King of Hell over you. Maybe I was just... tired of babysitting you. Or always having to yank your lame ass out of the fire, since... forever. Or maybe -- maybe it was the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn't for you. That your very existence sucked the life out of my life.

Sam: This isn't my brother talking.

Dean: You never had a brother. Just an excuse for not manning up. But guess what. I quit.

Sam: No. No you don't. You don't get to quit. We don't get to quit in this family. This family is all we've ever had!

Dean: Well then we got nothin'.

Crowley: Why can't you people just sit on clouds and play harps like you're supposed to?

Dean: You look worried, fellas.

Castiel: You realize one problem is solved, but one still remains. Dean is no longer a demon, that's true. But the Mark of Cain -- that he still has, and sooner or later that is gonna be an issue.

Sam: You know what, Cas. I'm beat, man. One battle at a time, you know? So I'm just gonna grab my brother some cholesterol. And then I'm gonna get drunk.

Paper Moon [10.4]

Dean: You've been kicked, bit, scratched, stabbed, possessed, killed...and you sprain your friggin' elbow?

Sam: Dude, it was more than a sprain. All right? And it was a friggin' demon, but -

Dean: But what? That sling come with a slice of crybaby pie on the side? Please.

Kate: It's not like anyone gave me a handbook on how to be a werewolf.

Dean: I just figured since we're opening up veins, that maybe you wanted to talk about the guy you made sell his soul.

Sam: The guy who you then killed, right. That's the same guy were talking about?

Dean: I was a demon.

Sam: Oh you were a demon, I didn't realize that.

Sam: How can you possibly blame Kate for fighting for her sister, we do it all the time.

Dean: Oh yeah, that's worked wonders for us.

Sam: We're still here, aren't we?

Dean: Yeah, but is it right?

Sam: I watched you die, and I carried you... I carried your corpse into your room, and I put your dead body onto your bed and then you just...

Dean: It's embarrassing you know.

Sam: What's embarrassing?

Dean: All of it. The note. Crowley. Everything.

Sam: Dean, you were a demon.

Dean: Oh I was a demon, I didn't realize.

Sam: Shut up.

Dean: Not to mention, I never said thank you. So...

Sam: You don't ever have to say that, not to me.

Kate: But, she can be saved.

Dean: No. Tasha's in too deep. You don't ever come back from that. Not ever.

Dean: Let's say you're right.

Sam: About What?

Dean: Everything. Maybe I'm not ready to hunt. But I am just trying to do the right thing, man. 'Cause I am so sick and tired of doing the wrong one.

Fan Fiction [10.5]

Dean: Sam, out there hunting, it's the only normal I know. We got work to do.

Dean: I'm gonna throw up.

Sam: I mean I gotta say, it's kinda charming. The-the production value, and the... No? No. No. I'm gonna check for EMF, you-you look for, uh cursed objects.

Dean: What are they doing?

Marie: Oh, uh they're rehearsing the "BM" scene.

Dean: The bowel movement scene?

Marie: No, the boy melodrama scene... You know the scene where the boys get together and their driving or leaning against Baby, drinking a beer, sharing their feelings. The two of them alone, but together -- bonded, united, the power of their-

Dean: Why are they standing so close together?

Marie: Reasons.

Dean: You know they're brothers, right.

Marie: Well duh. But subtext.

Dean: Why don't you take a sub-step back ladies!

Dean: Alright Shakespeare you know that I can actually tell you what really happened with Sam and Dean. A friend of mine hooked me up with the unpublished-unpublished books. So Sam came back from Hell, but without his soul, and Cas brought in a bunch of Leviathans from Purgatory. They lost Bobby, and then Cas and Dean got stuck in Purgatory, Sam hit a dog. Uh, they met a prophet named Kevin, they lost him too. Then Sam underwent a series of trials, in an attempt to close the Gates of Hell, which nearly cost him his life. And Dean, he became a demon, a Knight of Hell actually.

Marie: Wow.

Dean: Yup.

Marie: That is some of the worst fan-fiction I have ever heard. I mean seriously where did your friend find this garbage? And not saying that ours is a masterpiece or anything, but jeez. I'll have to send you some links later.

Sam: Destiel? Shouldn't it be Dee-stiel? And what about Sastiel? Samstiel?

Marie: Yeah. Your right. If Sam and Dean were real, they wouldn't back down from a fight, especially my sweet, brave, selfless Sam. There's nothing he can't do.

Maeve: Okay, we're through the looking glass here people. Prep the wendigo set, let's prep the priest costumes, and Sarah get our understudies into hair and make-up.

Marie: Dean? You never should've thrown this away.

[hands him the Samulet prop]

Dean: It never really worked. I don't need a symbol to remind me how I feel about my brother.

Marie: Hi. Thank you so much for coming, I know the second act is a little bit wonky and the first act has some issues, but... what did you think?

Chuck: Not bad.

Ask Jeeves [10.6]

Sam: Wow, think we're a little under dressed? I mean the fed threads are in the trunk.

Dean: Are you kidding me, for once we don't have to wear suits. You're lucky my waistband is not elastic.

Dean: All right cold spots it is, you stay here and keep an eye on Mrs. Peacock and, uh Colonel Mustard. I'll sniff around.

Dash: Well Sam, I'll let you in on a little secret. We don't really like each other... But then what family does?

Sam: Mine does. For the most part, it's just my brother and me.

Sam: Husband and wife tag-team killer ghosts.

Dean: Gotta keep the marriage alive somehow.

Beverly: Well, well, well what do we have here? What'cha doing snooping these halls? Up to no good? Why don't we get up to no good together? You know they say women just get better with age, like a fine wine or a cheese.

Sam: I-I, um, I'm lactose intolerant.

Dean: Cut the crap Wadsworth. What are you doing hiding dead maids in secret rooms?

Sam: Clown school Colette?

Sam: We're not the bad guys Dash.

Dash: I beg to differ, you're wearing flannel.

Olivia: I'm not the maid.

Heddy: That explains the dust.

Sam: Olivia you don't have to do this, being a monster is a choice.

Olivia: That choice was made for me a long time ago.

Sam: Dean what was that all about back there?

Dean: What are you talking about?

Sam: I mean, all those extra shots after the shifter was already dead. What was that?

Dean: I don't know. Target practice?

Sam: Come on mean, I'm serious. Are you sure it wasn't, I don't know demon residue or something to do with the Mark?

Dean: No none of that.

Sam: Right. Look man I gotta be honest-

Dean: Oh my god Sam, it was my first kill since I've been back. You know, I got a little anxious, I just wanted to make sure it was done right. Plain and simple. Why am I even explaining this to you?

Girls, Girls, Girls [10.7]

[Sam is reading Dean’s dating profile.]

Sam: 'Oh baby whatever you want, I'm just burning up thinking about you.'

Dean: They get raunchier.

Sam: Yeah I see that, it's like a Penthouse letter.

Sam: We detoured eight hours so you could get laid?

Hannah: I'm sorry Castiel, I'm not going with you. I'm done. It's hard letting go -- the story, the mission. What of the humans, whose lives we sacrifice in the name of that mission, what of them? We always said the humans were our original mission; maybe it's time Castiel, time to put them first.

Castiel: Where is all this coming from?

Hannah: Being on Earth, working with you. I felt things, human things -- passions, hungers. To shower, feel water on my skin, to get closer to you. But all of that was nothing compared to what I felt when I saw him. Her husband, his anger and his grief. Caroline was inside me screaming out for him, for her life back. These feelings they aren't for me, for us. They belong to her. I know it's time to step aside... Goodbye Castiel.

Gerald: Your decree last month, soul deals way down after the war with Abaddon. You said that you were looking at proactive and out of the box strategies to get numbers back up.

Crowley: So you and your half-wit pal threw me into the sex trade? I'm evil, that's just tacky.

Dean: I'm not a demon any more.

Cole: Were you a demon when you murdered my father?

Dean: No.

Cole: Then you're still a monster.

Cole: You say that now, but the last time we fought you couldn't even remember his name.

Dean: 2003 Nyack, New York, Ed Trenton. I was working a case three dead, livers ripped out and eaten by your father.

Cole: Livers.

Dean: I tracked him down that night, to your house.

Cole: When you say he was a monster, what kind of monster was he?

Dean: I don't know, I never seen that kind before, never seen it again. All I know is that he came home that night looking to kill, it could have been you, it could have been your mom.

Cole: My whole life I've been...

Dean: I get it, that was your story. Look man I got one of those too, okay but those stories that we tell that keep us going, sometimes they blind us. They take us to dark places, kinda place where I might beat the crap out of a good man, just for the fun of it. The people who love me, they pulled me back from that edge. Cole once you touch that darkness, it never goes away. Now the truth is, I'm past saving. I know how my story ends; it's at the edge of a blade or the barrel of a gun. So the question is that going to be today, it gonna be that gun?

Sam: What you said earlier back there, about being past saving were you really-

Dean: I was just telling the guy what he needed to hear. We better go.

Rowena: The king at last. King of what, Lilliput? I mean I heard you were short. Well, get to it. Time for the coup de grace, we boy. Something the matter with you? Cat got your tongue? Meow.

Crowley: Mother?

Hibbing 911 [10.8]

Sam: Hey, we good?

Dean: Aces. Yeah, I love the smell of parchment in the morning.

Sam: I mean how much lore is even left? We got nothing on the Mark?

Dean: Right, you think these eggheads with all the crap they amassed over the years would have actually collected something important. Ah, here -- 'He-wolf, She-wolf: A Study in Werewolf Transgenderism,' six hundred pages, volume one. But, uh, something important, like I don't know maybe the oldest symbol known to man -- 'that's not worth our time, it's not weird enough.'

Jody: Screw you, Winchester.

Jody: Honestly Donna, I just met the guy but, Doug seems like kind of a dick.

Donna: But he was my dick... I'm gonna hit the can, you know, where it's less gross.

Donna: Uh Oh, flying the coop without me? Again.

Jody: No.

Donna: No I get it, I do. Take a hint Donna. Right?

Jody: There's been another animal attack.

Donna: Shut the front door. Says who?

Donna: So. Fresh corpse, jerk ex-husband, out of control teen. Wanna get blingo'd on my mini-bar and watch pay-per-view?

Sam: Alright I'll go try and crack the police server.

Dean:Yeah, maybe I'll go crack the deputy.

Sam: Right. But this time try to be a little less defensive of your pretend job.

Dean:You know this badge means something.

Sam: I made it at Kinkos.

Dean: Yes you did. Be proud of that.

Donna: Look at all this sunblock, you'd think he's at the Copacabana or something.

Donna: Wait so, when we were at the weight loss spa.

Dean: Monsters, sucking out your fat. We took care of it.

Donna: Ah jeez. I knew losing ten pounds that fast was too good to be true.

Dean: You're gonna sit this one out.

Donna: Stuff you Dean, or whatever your real name is.

Star: It's all love pretty boy. All of you will become all of us. We won't waste one bit.

Dean: Okay Mufasa enough with the circle of life crap. You're a vampire, you're scum, end of story.

Jody: You okay?

Donna: Yeah, other than feeling like I wanna hurl. I just chopped off a vampire's head.

Jody: You were great at that.

Donna: Thanks.

Sam: You good?

Dean: Yeah. Yeah, you know for the first time since I've been back, I didn't feel like the Mark was pushing me.

Sam: First time?

Donna: Knowing that these things are out there, makes the world seem -- I don't know bigger, darker.

Dean:All I know is that back there, killing those vamps. I felt like me again.

Sam: Alright, so that's good right?

Dean: Yeah.

Jody: You know if you want any pointers on how to fight this crazy crap, I'm willing to fill you in -- you know what kills what.

Donna: I'd like that.

Sam: Okay, let's go with that.

The Things We Left Behind [10.9]

Castiel: I'm not your father.

Claire: Right. I'm not your father. Those are first words you said to me, remember?

Claire: My Dad, is he still in there?

Castiel: No, the human soul it can only occupy a body while it retains a certain structural integrity, and this vessel it was, it was ripped apart on a sub-atomic level by an archangel.

Claire: Then how are you-

Castiel: I was reassembled, your father is in Heaven.

Claire: Well, yeah for him. Anyway good talk, you can get the hell out of my life now.

Claire: You changed. The Castiel I met, he was crappy, like super stuck-up and a dick and you just wanted to punch in his stupid angel face.

Castiel: Don’t think I was that bad.

Claire: You totally were. And now you’re just, I don’t know, nicer. Kind of a doof... no offence.

Castiel: Yes, well... before I was very self assured. I was convinced I was on this righteous path. Now I realize that there is no righteous path, it's just people trying to do their best in a world where is far too easy to do your worst.

Claire: Wow, deep.

Castiel: Yeah, for a doof.

Dean: This is why you called us, this is your emergency?

Castiel: Yes!

Dean: No Cas, an emergency is a dead body, okay or a wigged out angel, or the Apocalypse take three. Some chick bolting on you is no emergency, that's every Friday night for Sam.

Dean: So you’re having a midlife crisis?

Castiel: I'm extremely old, I think I'm entitled

Dean: Cas I need you to promise me something.

Castiel: Of course.

Dean: If I do go darkside you've got to take me out

Castiel: What do you mean?

Dean: Knife me, smite me, throw me into the friggin’ sun; whatever. And don’t let Sam get in the way, cause he’ll try. I can’t go down that road again man, I can’t be that thing again.

Crowley: She was a horrible mother. Did I tell you the time that she almost traded me for three pigs, three! I was an attractive child, I could juggle. I was worth five pigs, at least.

Gerald: My Ma used to burn me with cigarettes.

Crowley: Nobody cares Gerald. Don't get me started about the name, Fergus. Sounds like venereal disease, and not the fun kind.

Dean: Whoa hey, Miley Cyrus, settle.

Claire: Eat me, Hasselhoff.

Claire: I used to pray to you Castiel, every night. I would beg you to bring him home safe.

Castiel: I know.

Crowley: I didn't even have a father!

Rowena: Of course you had a father. You were just conceived during a winter solstice orgy, and it's not like I was taking names.

Dean: We know John Winchester isn't going to win any #1 Dad awards, but damn if he wasn't there when we needed him.

Sam: Hey, uh, tell him about that time in New York.

Dean: Oh Yeah... Yeah, okay so, ah. We were working this haunting in Long Island, and me and Sam begged the old man to let us go to the city, for once.

Sam: He had this thing about New York; too big, too loud, too dirty.

Dean: And he hated the Yankees.

Sam: Big time, yeah.

Dean: Somehow we convinced him to let us go. So we all go, we all you know see the sites and ride the subway, eat too much pizza, the whole nine. By about midnight Sam and Dad are zonked, and I figure 'screw it, I'm going to CBGB.'

Sam: CBGB is...

Castiel: I know. It's where the Ramones and Blondie got their start.

Sam: Right, wow. Anyway he was way underage at the time.

Dean: So I get there, I sneak in, and it is nuts. I mean people are drinking, and they're smoking, and they're snorting whatever. There's a 500 pound guy on the stage with mohawk just screaming. My mind is blown I don't even know what to do. Then this girl walks up, and she's 'Hey why don't come over sit down with me and my friends at this table,' 'yeah, alright.'

Sam: Yeah and they get him drunk. First time.

Dean: But not fun drunk, I'm not quite sure what was in that stuff, but the room starts to spin, and I feel like I'm going to puke forever. Right about that time, I hear him. 'Dean Winchester.' My old man, I don't know how but he found me. And now I'm really freaking out, because he's just standing there not saying anything, and I look around everyone else is freaking out too in fact no one is looking him in the eye, then finally this one guy with like a safety pin in his nose and a 'kill everything' tattoo looks up and he says 'sorry sir.' Yeah, 'sorry sir' heh. John frickin' Winchester.

Castiel: He saved you.

Dean: Yeah and you know what he got for that? Me whining about how much he embarrassed me. Me telling him that I hated him. But then he stopped and turned around looked at me and said, 'Son, you don't like me that's fine. It's not my job to be liked.'

Sam: 'It's my job to raise you right.'

Dean: And he did.

Castiel: Do you think Claire is in trouble?

Dean: She's hanging out with a guy named Randy, she's in trouble.

Sam: Dean, Dean hey. Tell me you had to do this.

Dean: I did - I didn't mean to.

Sam: No; tell me it was them or you!

The Hunter Games [10.10]

There's No Place Like Home [10.11]

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