< Supernatural (TV series)

Supernatural (TV series)/Quotes


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Showing quotes from Seasons 1 through 4.
 Quotes from Seasons 5 through 10 are HERE.

Season 1

Pilot [1.1]

Sam: I swore I was done hunting for good.
Dean: Come on, it wasn't easy, but it wasn't that bad.
Sam: Yeah? When I told Dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a .45.
Dean: Well, what was he supposed to do?
Sam: I was nine years old. He was supposed to say, "Don't be afraid of the dark."
Dean: Don't be afraid of the dark? What, are you kidding me? Of course you should be afraid of the dark! You know what's out there!
Sam: I swear, man, you gotta update your cassette tape collection.
Dean: Why?
Sam: Well, for one, they're cassette tapes. And two: Black Sabbath, Motörhead, Metallica?! It's the greatest hits of mullet rock.
Dean: House rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music; shotgun shuts his cake hole.
Sam: You know, Sammy is a chubby twelve-year-old. It's Sam, okay?
Dean: Sorry, can't hear you. The music's too loud.
Sam: Hey, Dean. What I said earlier, about Mom and Dad, I'm sorry.
Dean: [holds up hand to stop Sam] No chick flick moments.
Sam: Alright...jerk.
Dean: Bitch.
Sheriff Pierce: So you want to give us your real name?
Dean: I told you, it's Nugent. Ted Nugent.
Sheriff Pierce: I'm not sure you realize just how much trouble you're in here.
Dean: We talking, like, misdemeanor kind of trouble? Or, uh... "squeal like a pig" kind of trouble?
Dean: You can pretend all you want, Sammy. But sooner or later you're going to have to face up to who you really are.
Sam: And who is that?
Dean: One of us.

Wendigo [1.2]

Sam: We cannot let that Hailey girl go out there.
Dean: Oh yeah? What are we gonna tell her? That she can't go into the woods because of a big scary monster?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Her brother's missing, Sam. She's not just gonna sit this out. Now we go with her, we protect her, and we keep our eyes peeled for our fuzzy predator-friend.
Sam: Finding Dad's not enough? [slams trunk] Now we gotta babysit too?
Hailey: And you're hiking out in biker boots and jeans?
Dean: Sweetheart, I don't do shorts.
Dean: You wanna tell me what's goin' on in that freaky head of yours?
Sam: Dean...
Dean: No, you're not fine, you're like a powder keg, man, it's not like you. I'm supposed to be the belligerent one, remember?
Dean: This is why. [Holds up their dad's journal] This book. This is Dad's single most valuable possession. Everything he knows about every evil thing is in here. And he's passed it on to us. I think he wants us to pick up where he left off, you know, saving people, hunting things. The family business.
Sam: That makes no sense. Why, why doesn't he just call us? Why doesn't he tell us what he wants; tell us where he is?
Dean: I dunno. But the way I see it, Dad's given us a job to do and I intend to do it.
Sam: Dean, no. I gotta find Dad. I gotta find Jessica's killer. It's the only thing I can think about.
Dean: Ok, alright, Sam, we'll find them, I promise. Listen to me. You've gotta prepare yourself. I mean, this search could take a while, and all that anger, you can't keep it burning over the long haul, it's gonna kill you. You gotta have patience, man.
Sam: How do you do it? How does Dad do it?
Dean: Well, for one... them. [Looks over at Hailey and her brother] I mean, I figure our family's so screwed to hell; maybe we can help some others. Makes things a little more bearable. I'll tell you what else helps: Killing as many evil sons of bitches as I possibly can.
Hailey: Must you cheapen the moment?
Dean: Yeah.

Dead In The Water [1.3]

Andrea: [Looking at Dean] Must be hard with your sense of direction. Never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.
Sam: “Kids are the best”? You don't even like kids.
Dean: I love kids.
Sam: Name three children that you even know.
[Dean thinks and Sam begins to walk away. Dean scratches his head]
Dean: I'm thinking!
Dean: So crayons is more your thing? That's cool. Chicks dig artists. Hey, these are pretty good. You mind if I sit and draw with you for a while? I'm not so bad myself. You know, I think you can hear me, you just don't want to talk. I don't know exactly what happened to your dad, but I know it was something real bad. I think I know how you feel. When I was your age, I saw something...anyway...well, maybe you don't think anyone will listen to you, or uh...or believe you. I want you to know that I will. You don't even have to say anything, you could draw me a picture about what you saw that day with your dad on the lake.
Lucas: [continues drawing]
Dean: Okay, no problem. This is for you [Hands Lucas the picture he drew] This is my family. [Points to the people he drew] That's my dad. That's my mom. That's my geek brother, and that's me. Alright, so I'm a sucky artist. I'll see you around, Lucas.
Dean: You're scared. It's okay, I understand. See, when I was your age, I saw something real bad happen to my mom, and I was scared, too. I didn't feel like talking, just like you. But see, my mom - I know she wanted me to be brave. I think about that every day. And I do my best to be brave. And maybe...your dad wants you to be brave, too.
[Dean puts a box of sandwiches in the car.]
Dean: All right, if you're gonna be talking now, this is a very important phrase, so I want you to repeat it one more time.
Lucas: Zeppelin rules!
Dean: That's right. Up high. [Holds his hand up for a high-5] You take care of your mom, okay?
Lucas: All right.
Andrea: [Kisses Dean] Thank you.
Dean: [Embarrassed] Sam, move your ass. We're gonna run out of daylight before we hit the road.

Phantom Traveler [1.4]

Sam: So what, all of this never keeps you up at night? [Dean shakes his head] Never. You're never afraid? [Dean shakes his head again]
Dean: No, not really. [Sam reaches under Dean's pillow and pulls out a knife] That's not fear. That is precaution.
Sam: Ah, whatever. I'm too tired to argue.
Sam: Yeah, I know what an EMF Meter is, but why does that one look like a busted up walkman?
Dean: [proudly] Cause that's what I made it out of. It's homemade.
Sam: [sarcastically] Yeah, I can see that.
[Dean looks hurt]
Sam: Alright it's time for plan B. We're getting on that plane.
Dean: Wha… what? Hang on a second—
Sam: Dean, that plane is leaving with over a hundred passengers on board, and if we're right, that plane is gonna crash.
Dean: I know.
Sam: Well, okay. We need to get on the plane, we need to find that demon and exorcise it. Look, I'll get the tickets and you just go get whatever you can from the trunk, whatever will get past security, and meet me back here in five minutes. [Dean looks shocked] You okay?
Dean: No, not really.
Sam: What? What's wrong?
Dean: Well, I kinda have this problem with, um... [makes the movement of plane taking off with his hands]
Sam: Flying?
Dean: It's never really been an issue until now.
Sam: You're joking, right?!
Dean: Do I look like I'm joking? Why do you think I drive everywhere, Sam?
Sam: Alright, uhh… I'll go.
Dean: What?!
Sam: I'll do this one on my own.
Dean: Are you nuts? You said it yourself, that plane's gonna crash.
Sam: Look, Dean, we can do it together, I can do this one by myself. I'm not seeing a third option here.
Dean: Come on! Really? Man...
Sam: Are you humming Metallica?
Dean: Calms me down.
Sam: Look man, I get you're nervous alright, but you gotta stay focused.
Sam: What if she's already possessed?
Dean: There's ways to test that. I brought holy water.
Sam: No, I think we can go more subtle. If she's possessed she'll flinch at the name of God.
Dean: Uhh, nice [stands up]
Sam: Hey!
Dean: What?
Sam: Say it in Latin.
Dean: Yeah, I know [Begins to leave]
Sam: Hey!
Dean: What?!
Sam: Uhh... In Latin, it's Christo.
Dean: Dude, I know, I'm not an idiot.

Bloody Mary [1.5]

Sam: Hey, night vision? [Sam looks at Dean through the digital camera's night vision]
Dean: Do I look like Paris Hilton?
Dean: Alright, you know what? That's it! [pulls car over and turns to face Sam] This is about Jessica, isn't it? [Sam says nothing] You think that's your dirty little secret? That you killed her somehow? [Sam is silent] Sam, this has got to stop, man. I mean the nightmares and... and calling her name out in the middle of the night. It's gonna kill you. Now listen to me, it wasn't your fault. If you want to blame something, then blame the thing that killed her. [still no response from Sam] Alright, why don't you take a swing at me? I'm the one who dragged you away from her in the first place.
Sam: I don't blame you.
Dean: Well, you shouldn't blame yourself, 'cause there was nothing you could've done.
Sam: I could have warned her.
Dean: About what? You didn't know it was gonna happen. Besides, all of this isn't a secret. I know all about it. It's not gonna work with Mary anyway.
Sam: No you don't.
Dean: I don't what?
Sam: You don't know all about it. I haven't told you everything.
Dean: [looks slightly confused] What are you talking about?
Sam: Well, it wouldn't be a secret if I told you, would it?
Dean: [shocked] No... I don't like it. It's not gonna happen. Forget it.
Sam: Dean, that girl back there is going to die unless we do something about it. And you know what? Who knows how many people are going to die after that? Now, we're doing this. You've got to let me do this.
Dean: [after surveying the room with all the broken mirrors] Hey, Sam?
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: This has gotta be like, what, 600 years bad luck?
Sam: Charlie? [Charlie turns around] Your boyfriend's death. You really should try to forgive yourself. No matter what you did, you probably couldn't have stopped him. Sometimes bad things just happen. [Charlie acknowledges and leaves]
Dean: [taps Sam on the shoulder and he turns around] That's good advice.
Dean: Hey, Sam?
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: Now that this is all over, I want you to tell me what that secret was.
Sam: Look, you're my brother. And I'd die for you. But there are some things I need to keep to myself.

Skin [1.6]

Dean: ...then head south, Bisbee by midnight. [seeing no reaction from Sam] Sam wears women's underwear.
Dean: I hate to say it, but that's exactly what I'm talking about. You lied to your friends because if they knew the real you, they'd be freaked. It's just... It'll be easier if...
Sam: ...I was like you.
Dean: Hey man, like it or not we're not like other people. But I'll tell you one thing. This whole gig... [takes out gun] it ain't without perks.
Shapeshifter as Dean: I am your brother. See, deep down, I’m just jealous. You got friends. You could have a life. Me? I know I’m a freak. And sooner or later, everybody’s gonna leave me. [He backs away.]
Sam: What are you talkin’ about?
Shapeshifter as Dean: You left. Hell, I did everything Dad asked me to, and he ditched me, too. No explanation, nothin’, just poof. Left me with your sorry ass.
Dean: That better be you Sam and not that freak of nature.
Sam: Yeah, it's me. He went to Becca's house... Looking like you.
Dean: Well he's not stupid, he picked the handsome one.
Dean: Sorry man.
Sam: About what?
Dean: I really wish things could be different you know? I wish you could just be... Joe College.
Sam: Nah, it's ok. You know, the truth is even at Stanford, deep down I never really fit in.
Dean: Well that's 'cause you're a freak.
Sam: Yeah, thanks.
Dean: Well, I'm a freak too. I'm right there with you... All the way.
Sam: [chuckles] Yeah, I know you are.

Hook Man [1.7]

Lori: Oh God! Too Martha Stewart?
Taylor: Here! Wear this!
Lori: Um...I don't know if this is really "me"
Taylor: Lori! There's a hot chick buried in there somewhere! Damn girl! He's not gonna know what hit him!
Lori: Ok! That's probably him! So I'm gonna go downstairs!
Taylor: Don't do anything I wouldn't do!
Lori: There's nothing you wouldn't do!
Taylor: It's true!
Dean: Your, uhh, half-caff double vanilla latte's getting cold over here, Francis.
Sam: Bite me.
Dean: I told him you were a dumbass pledge and that we were hazing you.
Sam: What about the shotgun?
Dean: I said that you were hunting ghosts and spirits were repelled by rock salt. You know, typical Hell Week prank.
Sam: And he believed you?
Dean: Well you look like a dumbass pledge.
[at a frat party.]
Dean: Man, you've been holding out on me, this college thing is awesome!
Sam: This wasn't really my experience.
Dean: Let me guess - libraries, studying, straight A's.
[Sam nods.]
Dean: What a geek.
[preparing to search.]
Dean: Alright, take your pick.
Sam: I'll take the house.
Dean: Okay. Hey, stay out of her underwear drawer.
Dean: [digging up Karn]That's it! Next time, I get to watch the cute girl's house.

Bugs [1.8]

Dean: Hunting's our day job. And the pay is crap.
Sam: Yeah, but hustling pool, credit card scams... It's not the most honest thing in the world, Dean.
Dean: Well let's see. Honest... fun and easy. [pause] It's no contest. Besides, we're good at it, it's what we were raised to do.
Sam: Yeah, well, how we were raised was jacked.
Sam: Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease.
Dean: Huh? [confused]
Sam: Human Mad Cow Disease.
Dean: Mad Cow.... wasn't that on Oprah?
Sam: You watch Oprah?
[Dean looks embarrassed.]
Larry: Let me just say. We accept home owners of any race, religion, color or... sexual orientation.
Dean: We're brothers.
[later, another agent approaches the Winchesters]
Real Estate Agent: We accept home owners of all race, religion, color, or... sexual orientation.
Dean: Right. Um, I'm going to go talk to Larry. Okay, Honey? [smacks Sam on the butt]
Sam: I respected him. But no matter what I did, it was never good enough.
Dean: So what are you saying? That Dad was disappointed in you?
Sam: Was? Is... and always has been.
Dean: Why would you think that?
Sam: Because I didn't want to bow hunt...or hunt spirits because I wanted to go to school and live my life, which in our whacked out family made me the freak.
Dean: You know, you're kinda like that blonde chick in The Munsters
Sam: Dean, you know what most dads are when their kids score a full ride? Proud. Most dads don’t toss their kids out of the house.
Dean: I remember that fight. In fact, I seem to recall a few choice phrases comin’ out of your mouth.
Sam: You know, truth is, when we finally do find Dad… I don’t know if he’s even gonna wanna see me.
Dean: Sam, Dad was never disappointed in you. Never. He was scared.
Sam: What are you talkin’ about?
Dean: He was afraid of what could’ve happened to you if he wasn’t around. But even when you two weren’t talkin’…he used to swing by Stanford whenever he could. Keep an eye on you. Make sure you were safe.
Sam: What?
Dean: Yeah.
Sam: Why didn’t you tell me any of that?
Dean: Well, it’s a two-way street, dude. You could’ve picked up the phone.
Sam: Joe White Tree? [The man nods.] We’d like to ask you a few questions, if that’s all right.
Dean: We’re students from the university.
Joe: No, you’re not. You’re lying. [Dean seems taken aback.]
Dean: Well, truth is—
Joe: You know who starts sentence with “truth is”? Liars. [Dean exchanges a look with Sam.]
Sam: Have you heard of Oasis Plains? It’s a housing development near the Atoka Valley.
Joe: [to Dean] I like him. He’s not a liar.

Home [1.9]

Dean: [to his Dad's voicemail] Dad, I know I've left messages before. I don't even know if you get 'em. But I'm with Sam and we're in Lawrence and there's something in our old house. I don't know if it's the thing that killed Mom or not... but... [tears up] I don't know what to do. So whatever you're doing, if you could get here...please. I need your help, Dad.
Missouri: Don't worry about a thing, your wife's crazy about you. [client leaves] Whoo, poor bastard. His woman is cold-banging the gardener.
Dean: Why didn't you tell him?
Missouri: People don't come here for the truth, they come for good news.
Missouri: Sam, oh honey. I'm sorry about your girlfriend. And your father... he's missing.
Sam: How'd you know all that?
Missouri: Well, you were just thinking it, just now.
Dean: Where is he? Is he okay?
Missouri: I don't know.
Dean: Don't know? You're supposed to be a psychic, right?
Missouri: Boy, you see me sawing some bony tramp in half?! You think I'm a magician?! I may be able to read thoughts and sense energies in a room but I can't pull facts out of thin air.
Missouri: Boy you put your foot on my table and I'm gonna whack you with a spoon!
Dean: I didn't do anything!
Missouri: You were thinking about it!
Dean: Mom?
Mary: Dean. Sam. I'm sorry.
Sam: For what?
Mary: [to poltergeist] You get out of my house. And let go of my son.
Missouri: That boy… he has such powerful abilities. But why he couldn’t sense his own father, I have no idea.
John: Mary’s spirit –- do you really think she saved the boys?
Missouri: I do. John Winchester, I could just slap you. Why won’t you go talk to your children?
John: I want to. You have no idea how much I wanna see ‘em. But I can’t. Not yet. Not until I know the truth!

Asylum [1.10]

Dean: Hey Sam, who do you think is a hotter psychic? Patricia Arquette, Jennifer Love Hewitt, or you?
Dean: Let me know if you see any dead people, Haley Joel.
Kat: Hey, Gavin?
Gavin: Yeah?
Kat: If we make it out of here alive, we are so breaking up.
Dean: Sam, put the gun down
Sam: [possessed] Is that an order?
Dean: No, just a friendly request.
Dean: Really? You really hate me that much. Well, here. [hands Sam his pistol] This'll do the job a lot better than rock salt. Go on, Sam, pull the trigger. Shoot me! DO IT!
[Sam pulls the trigger, and it clicks on empty. Dean lunges at him, gets the gun away, and knocks him unconscious.]
Dean: Dude, I'm not gonna give you a loaded gun.
Dean: When someone says a place is haunted, don't go in.
[Sam has woken up after Dean has burned Ellicott's bones.]
Dean: You're not gonna try to kill me, are you?
Sam: No.
Dean: Good. 'Cause that would be awkward.

Scarecrow [1.11]

Sam: Dean, if this demon killed Mom and Jess, and Dad’s closing in, we’ve gotta be there. We’ve gotta help.
Dean: Dad doesn’t want our help!
Sam: I don’t care.
Dean: He’s given us an order.
Sam: [firmly] I don’t care. We don’t always have to do what he says.
Dean: Sam, Dad is asking us to work jobs, to save lives, it’s important.
Sam: Alright, I understand, believe me, I understand. But I’m talking one week here, man, to get answers. To get revenge.
Dean: All right, look, I know how you feel.
Sam: Do you? [Dean seems shocked at Sam’s tone] How old were you when Mom died? Four? Jess died six months ago. How the hell would you know how I feel?
Dean: Dad said it wasn’t safe. For any of us. I mean, he obviously knows something that we don’t, so if he says to stay away, we stay away.
Sam: I don’t understand the blind faith you have in the man. I mean, it’s like you don’t even question him.
Dean: Yeah, it’s called being a good son!
[Sam gets out of the car and starts getting his stuff out of the trunk]
Dean: You're a selfish bastard, you know that? You just do whatever you want. Don't care what anybody thinks.
Sam: That's what you really think?
Dean: Yes, it is.
Sam: Well, then this selfish bastard is going to California.
Dean: Come on, you’re not serious.
Sam: I am serious.
Dean: It’s the middle of the night! Hey, I’m taking off, I will leave your ass, you hear me?
Sam: That’s what I want you to do.
Dean: Goodbye, Sam.
Sam: The scarecrow crawled off its cross?
Dean: I'm telling you, Burkitsville, Indiana – Fun Town.
Dean: I hope your apple pie is freakin' worth it!
Emily: So what's the plan?
Dean: I'm working on it.
[several hours later.]
Emily: You don't have a plan, do you?
Dean: I'm working on it...
Dean: How'd you get here?
Sam: I stole a car.
Dean: That's my boy!
Dean: Should I drop you off somewhere?
Sam: No, I think you're stuck with me.
Dean: What made you change your mind?
Sam: I didn't. I still want to find Dad...And you're still a pain in the ass. But Jess and Mom...they're both gone. Dad is God knows where. You and me. We're all that's left. So, uh, if we're gonna see this through...we're gonna do it together.
Dean: Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful.
Sam: You should be kissing my ass - you were dead meat back there.
Dean: Yeah right. I had a plan - I'd have gotten out.
Sam: Right.

Faith [1.12]

Dean: Have you ever watched daytime TV? It's terrible.
Sam: (sighs) I talked to your doctor.
Dean: That fabric softener teddy bear. Oooh! I'm gonna hunt that little bitch down.
Sam: Dean.
Dean: Yeah, alright. Well, it looks like you're going to leave town without me.
Sam: What are you talking about? I'm not leaving you here.
Dean: Hey, you better take care of that car or I swear I'll haunt your ass.
Sam: I don't think that's funny.
Dean: Ah, come on. It's a little funny. (pause) Look Sammy, what can I say, man? It's a dangerous gig. I drew the short straw. That's it, end of story.
Sam: Don't talk like that, alright. We still have options.
Dean: What options? You got burial or cremation. I know it's not easy, but I'm gonna die and you can't stop it.
Sam: Watch me.
Dean: I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot.
Dean: You're not gonna let me die in peace are you?
Sam: I'm not gonna let you die period! We're going!
Dean: Why? Why me? Out of all the sick people, why save me?
Roy: Well, like I said before, the Lord guides me. I looked into your heart, and you just stood out from all the rest.
Dean: What did you see in my heart?
Roy: A young man with an important purpose. A job to do. And it isn’t finished.
Dean: Layla. I'm not much the prayin' type, but... I'm gonna pray for you.
Layla: Well, there's a miracle right there.

Route 666 [1.13]

Sam: Oh, and you might also want to mention that other thing.
Dean: What other thing?
Sam: The serious unfinished business. Dean, what is going on between you two?
Dean: Alright, so maybe we were a little bit more involved than I said.
Sam: Oh, OK. Yeah.
Dean: Okay, a lot more. Maybe. And I told her the secret about what we do, and I shouldn’t have.
Sam: No, look, man, everybody’s gotta open up to someone, sometime.
Dean: Yeah, I don’t. It was stupid to get that close, and look how it ended. Would you stop? Blink or something.
Sam: You loved her.
Dean: Oh, God.
Sam: You were in love with her, but you dumped her. Oh, wow. She dumped you.
Dean: Get in the car.
Sam: You TOLD her?! The big family secret? Rule number one - we do what we do and shut our mouths about it? For a year and a half I do nothing but lie to Jessica and you go out with this chick in Ohio a couple of times and you tell her everything? [Dean is silent] DEAN!
Dean: Yeah! Looks like...
Sam: And you think this vanishing truck ran him off the road?
Cassie: [embarrassed] Oh, when you say it aloud like that... Listen, I’m a little skeptical about this…ghost stuff, or whatever it is you guys are into.
Dean: [chuckling] Skeptical. Yeah, if I remember, I think you said it was nuts.
Sam: Dean, where are you?
Dean: I'm in the middle of nowhere with a killer truck up my ass!
Dean: So I guess I saved you from a boring existence!
Sam: Occasionally I miss boring!
Dean: So this killer truck...
Sam: I miss conversations that didn't start with "this killer truck"
Dean: Maybe? Maybe! What if you were wrong?
Sam: Huh. Honestly, that thought hadn't occurred to me!
Dean: (mocking Sam) "It honestly didn't occur to me?" (hangs up he phone) I'm gonna kill him!
Sam: You mean you dated someone? For more than one night?
Dean: Am I speaking a language you're not getting here?
Dean: Don't leave the house.
Cassie: Don't go getting all authoritative on me, I hate it.
Dean: Don't leave the house, please?

Nightmare [1.14]

Sam: Well, I know one thing I have in common with these people.
Dean: What's that?
Sam: Both our families are cursed.
Dean: Our family's not cursed. We just... had our dark spots.
Sam: [chuckles] Our dark spots are pretty dark.
Dean: You're...dark.
Sam: We’re not gonna kill Max.
Dean: Then what? I hand him over to the cops and say, “Lock him up, officer, he kills with the power of his mind.”
Sam: Well, I'll tell you one thing. We're lucky we had Dad.
Dean: I never thought I'd hear you say that.
Sam: Well, he could’ve gone a whole ‘nother way after Mom. A little more tequila, a little less demon-hunting, and we would’ve had Max’s childhood. All things considered, we turned out okay—thanks to him.
Dean: All things considered.
Sam: Aren’t you worried, man, aren’t you worried that I could turn into Max or something?
Dean: Nope. No way. You know why?
Sam: No. Why?
Dean: ‘Cause you’ve got one advantage that Max didn’t have.
Sam: Dad? Because Dad’s not here, Dean.
Dean: No. Me. (He smiles.) As long as I’m around, nothing bad is gonna happen to you.
Dean: I know what we need to do about your premonitions. I know where we have to go.
Sam: Where?
Dean: Vegas. [Sam ‘harrumphs' and walks out] What? Come on man! Craps table? We'd clean up!

The Benders [1.15]

Deputy Kathleen: So, Gregory.
Dean: Yeah.
Deputy Kathleen: I ran your badge number. It's routine when we're working on a case with State Police, for accounting purposes and what have you.
Dean: Mmhmm.
Deputy Kathleen: And, uh, they just got back to me... says here your badge was stolen. And there's a picture of you. :[turns the screen towards Dean, on which there is a picture of a portly, African-American police officer. There is a long silence]:
Dean: I lost some weight. And I got that... Michael Jackson skin disease...
Pa Bender: But the best hunt is human. Oh, there's nothin' like it. Holdin' their life in your hands. Seein' the fear in their eyes just before they go dark. Makes you feel powerful alive.
Dean: You're one sick puppy.
Pa Bender: Tell me, any other cops gonna come lookin' for you?
Dean: Eat me. Oh no no no wait wait wait, you actually might.
Dean: Don't ever do that again.
Sam: Do what?
Dean: Go missing like that.
Sam: You were worried about me!
Dean: I'm just saying, you vanish like that again and I'm not looking for you.
Sam: Sure you won't.
Dean: No I'm not.
Sam: So you got sidelined by a 13-year old girl?
Dean: Shut up.
Sam: I'm just saying, getting a little rusty there aren't you, kiddo?
Dean: Shut up!
Pa Bender: You hurt my family, I'm gonna bleed you, bitch.
Deputy Kathleen: You killed my brother.
Pa Bender: Your brother. [laughs] Now I see.
Deputy Kathleen: Just tell me why.
Pa Bender: Because it's fun. [laughs again]
[Deputy Kathleen shoots him]

Shadow [1.16]

Dean: I talked to the bartender.
Sam: Did you get anything...besides her number?
Dean: Dude, I'm a professional. I'm offended that you would think that (smiles and chuckles as he displays a napkin with her phone number)...All right.
Sam: You mind doing a little thinking with your upstairs brain, Dean?
Sam: I'm just saying, there's something about this girl I can't quite put my finger on.
Dean: But I bet you'd like to. Maybe she's not a suspect, maybe...maybe you've got a thing for her. Maybe you're thinking a little too much with your upstairs brain.
Dean: What are you gonna do?
Sam: I'm gonna watch Meg.
Dean: [laughing] Yeah, you are.
Sam: I just wanna see what's what. Better safe than sorry.
Dean: All right, you little pervert.
Sam: Dude.
Dean: I’m goin’, I’m goin’.
Dean: You wanna go back to school?
Sam: Yeah, once we’re done huntin’ the thing.
Dean: Huh.
Sam: Why, is there somethin’ wrong with that?
Dean: No. No, it’s, uh, great. Good for you.
Sam: I mean, what are you gonna do when it’s all over?
Dean: It’s never gonna be over. There’s gonna be others. There’s always gonna be somethin’ to hunt.
Sam: But there’s got to be somethin’ that you want for yourself—
Dean: Yeah, I don’t want you to leave the second this thing’s over, Sam.
Sam: Dude, what’s your problem?
Dean: Why do you think I drag you everywhere? Huh? I mean, why do you think I came and got you at Stanford in the first place?
Sam: ‘Cause Dad was in trouble. ‘Cause you wanted to find the thing that killed Mom.
Dean: Yes, that, but it’s more than that, man. You, me, Dad. I want us to be together again. To be a family again.
Sam: Dean. We are a family. I'd do anything for you. But things will never be the way they were before.
Dean: Could be.
Sam: I don't want them to be. I'm not going to live this life forever. Dean, when this is all over, you're gonna have to let me go my own way.
[Dean looks sad]
Dean: Hey, Sam…?
Sam: Hmm?
Dean: Next time you want to get laid…find a girl that's not so buckets of crazy, huh?

Hell House [1.17]

Dean: What's the matter, You afraid you gonna get a little Nair in your shampoo again, huh?
Sam: All right. Just remember you started it.
Dean: Oh, bring it on, baldy.
Sam: And after his time, too. The reversed cross has been used by Satanists for centuries, but this sigil of sulfur didn’t show up in San Francisco until the sixties. [Dean looks at him strangely]
Dean: This is exactly why you never get laid.
Ed: This stuff right here—this is our ticket to the big time. Fame, money, sex. With girls, okay? Be brave. Okay, WWBD. What would Buffy do? Huh?
Harry: What would Buffy do? I don't know, but, Ed, she’s stronger than me.
[Sam and Dean walk up to Hell House, noticing an ambulance and police cars parked around it]
Dean: What happened?
Man: Couple of cops say that poor girl hung herself in the house.
Sam: Suicide?
Man: Yeah. But she was a straight-A student. And a full ride to UT, too. It just don't make sense. [walks off]
Sam: What are you thinkin'?
Dean: I'm thinkin' we missed something.
[after Ed and Harry leave, explaining that they have to meet a producer for rights to a movie]
Dean: [laughing] Wow.
Sam: I have a confession to make. I'm the one who called them up and told them I was a producer. [both laugh]
Dean: Well, I'm the one who put the dead fish in their back seat.
[Both laugh]
Sam: Truce?
Dean: Yeah, truce... at least for the next hundred miles.

Something Wicked [1.18]

Dean: Well, maybe he's [their father] gonna meet us there.
Sam: [scoffs] Yeah, cause he's been so easy to find at this point.
Dean: You're a real smart ass, you know that? [pauses] Don't worry, I'm sure there's something in Fitchberg worth killing.
Sam: Yeah? what makes you so sure?
Dean: Because I'm the oldest... which means I'm always right.
Sam: No, it doesn't.
Dean: Yeah, it totally does.
Sam: I'm surprised you didn't draw on him right there.
Dean: Yeah, well, first of all, I wasn't gonna open fire at a freakin' pediatrics ward.
Sam: Good call.
Dean: Second, it wouldn't have done any good cause the bastard's bullet-proof unless he's chowing down on something, and third, I wasn't packing, which is probably a good thing, 'cause I probably would have just burned a clip in him just out of principle alone.
Sam: Getting wise in your old age, Dean.
Dean: Well, we'll be right in the next room. We're gonna come in with guns, so as soon as we do, you roll off this bed and crawl under it.
Michael: What if you shoot me?
Dean: [shakes head] We won't shoot you. We're good shots. We're not gonna fire until you're clear, okay?
[Michael nods]
Dean: Have you ever heard a gunshot before?
Michael: Like in the movies?
Dean: This is gonna be a lot louder than in movies so I want you to stay under the bed, cover your ears. Do not come out till we say so, you understand?
Sam: Hey, Dean, I'm sorry.
Dean: [looks confused] For what?
Sam: You know. I know I've given you a lot of crap for always following Dad's orders. But I know why you do it.
Dean: Oh God... kill me now.
Sam: It's too bad.
Dean: No, they'll be fine.
Sam: It's not what I meant. I meant Michael. [pauses] He'll always know that there are things out there in the dark. He'll never be the same. You know... [pauses again] sometimes I wish that... [trails off]
Dean: What?
Sam: I wish I could have that kind of innocence.
Dean: [pauses] Well if it means anything, sometimes I wish you could too.

Provenance [1.19]

Dean: [about Sarah] Alright, you like her; she likes you. You're both consenting adults.
Sam: What's the point Dean? We'll just leave. We always leave.
Dean: Well, I'm not talking about marriage, Sam.
Sam: You know what, I don't get it. What do you care if I hook up?
Dean: 'Cause then maybe you wouldn't be so cranky all the time.
Dean: You know, seriously, Sam, this isn't just about hooking up, okay? I mean, I, I think that this Sarah girl could be good for you. And I don't mean any disrespect, but I'm—I'm sure that this is about Jessica, right? Now I don't know what it's like to lose somebody like that, but I would think that she would want you to be happy; God forbid, have fun one in awhile. Wouldn't she?
Sam: Yeah, I know she would. Yeah, you're right - part of this is about Jessica, but not the main part.
Dean: What's it about? [Sam is silent] Yeah, alright.
Sam: Sarah, you saw that painting move.
Sarah: No...no... I, I was seeing things. It's impossible
Dean: Yeah, well, welcome to our world
Sarah: Is there something here between us, or am I delusional?
Sam: You're not delusional.
Sarah: But, there's a but coming.
Sam: But, I don't think this is a good idea.
Sarah: Can I ask why?
Sam: 'Cause I like you.
Sarah: Wait... you lost me.
[both laugh]
Sarah: So, why did the girl do it?
Sam: Killing others, killing herself. Some people are just born tortured. So when they die, their spirits are just as dark.
Dean: [on cell] How're we gonna waste her?
Sam: I dunno, she was already cremated, there's nothin' left to burn.
Dean: Well then how's she still around?
Sam: There must be somethin' else.
Sarah: Sam wait! We used to handle antique dolls at the auction.
Sam: Well that's fascinating Sarah, but important right now?
Sarah: Well back then, they used to make the dolls in the kid's image, I mean everything, like they, they would use the kid's real hair!
Sam: Dean? Sarah says the doll might have the girl's real hair. Human remains, same as bones.
Sam Winchester/Dean: The mausoleum!
Sam: What kind of house doesn't have salt? Low sodium freaks!
Sarah: Um...Sam? You're the expert on all this "ghost stuff"! Should the painting look like that? Where's the little girl?
Sam: And the razor...Dean!
Dean: Sam? (calls him)
Sam: (answers the phone) Hey!
Dean: Please tell me you slammed the front door!
Sam: No I think it's the little girl!
Dean: Little girl? What little girl?
Sam: The girl from the painting! I think it was her all along!
Dean: Wasn't the dad looking down at her? Well maybe he was trying to warn us!
Sam: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Lets re-cap later!
Sarah: Sam?!?!?!

Dead Man's Blood [1.20]

Dean: "Vampires nest in groups of eight to ten, smaller packs are sent out to hunt for food. Victims are taken to the nest, where the pack keeps them alive, bleeding them for days or weeks." Wonder if that's what happened to that 911 couple.
Sam: That's probably what dad's thinking. [sullenly] 'Course, it'd be nice if he just told us what he thinks.
Dean: So it is starting.
Sam: What?
Dean: Sam, we've been looking for dad all year. Now we're not with him for more than a couple hours and there's static already?
Sam: [scoffs] No. Look, I'm happy he's okay, alright? And I'm happy that we're all working together again.
Dean: Well, good.
Sam: ...it's just the way he treats us, like we're children.
Dean: [rolls his eyes] Oh, God.
John: Sammy.
Sam: What?
John: I don't think I ever told you this, but the day you were born, d'you know what I did?
Sam: No.
John: I put a hundred bucks into a savings account for you. I did the same thing for your brother. It was a college fund. And every month I'd put in another hundred dollars, until- Anyway, my point is, Sam, that, this was never the life I wanted for you.
[...]
Sam: Hey, Dad, whatever happened to that college fund?
John: Spent it on ammo.
[Both laugh]
Dean: What happens if you die? Dad, what happens if you die and we coulda done something about it? You know, I've been thinking, and I think maybe Sammy's right about this one. I think we should do this together. We're stronger as a family, dad, we just are, you know it.
John: We're running out of time. You do your job and you get out of the area. That's an order.
John: So boys.
Sam: Yes, sir.
John: You ignored a direct order back there.
Sam: Yes, sir.
Dean: Yeah, but we saved your ass.
[beat]
John: You're right.
Dean: I am?

Salvation [1.21]

Dean: For the last time, what happened to them is not your fault.
Sam: Yeah, you’re right, it’s not my fault, but it’s my problem!
Dean: No, it’s not your problem, it’s our problem!
John: Okay. That’s enough.
Meg: Well, I’ve lied... a lot. I’ve stolen. I’ve lusted. And the other day I met this man – a nice guy, you know? And we had a really good chat...sort of like this. Then I slit his throat and ripped his heart out through his chest. Does that make me a bad person?
Meg: John, you made it. Too bad, really. I was hoping to kill more of your friends.
John: Sorry to disappoint.
Meg: I can see where your boys get their good looks. But I must admit, considering what they say about you, I thought you’d be…taller. [John says nothing] Well, aren’t you the chatty one? You wanna get to business? Fine. Why don’t you hand over the gun?
John: If I give you the gun, how do I get out of here?
Meg: Well, if you’re as good as they say you are, I’m sure you’ll figure something out.
John: Maybe I’ll just shoot you.
Meg: You wanna shoot me, baby? Go ahead. It won’t end anything. There’s more where I came from.
...
Meg: You're dead, John. Your boys are dead.
John: I never used the gun, how could I know it wouldn't work?
Meg: I am so not in the mood for this, I've just been shot!
John: Well then, I guess you're lucky the gun wasn't real.
Meg: That's funny, John. We're gonna strip the skin from your bones, but that was funny.
Sam: Dean, uh, I want to thank you.
Dean: For what?
Sam: For everything. You've always had my back, you know. Even when I couldn't count on anyone, I could always count on you. And, uh, I just wanted to let you know, just in case.
Dean: Whoa, whoa, whoa, you kidding me?
Sam: What?
Dean: Don't say just in case something happens to you, I don't want to hear that freaking speech, man. Nobody's dying tonight, not us, not that family, nobody. Except that demon. That evil son of a bitch ain't getting any older than tonight, understand me?
Sam: If you had just let me go in there, I could have ended all this.
Dean: Sam, the only thing you would have ended was your life.
Sam: You don’t know that.
Dean: So, what, you’re just willing to sacrifice yourself, is that it?
Sam: Yeah. Yeah, you’re damn right I am.
Dean: Yeah, well, that’s not gonna happen—not as long as I’m around.
Sam: What the hell are you talkin’ about, Dean? We’ve been searching for this demon our whole lives. It’s the only thing we’ve ever cared about.
Dean: Sam, I wanna waste it. I do, okay? But it’s not worth dyin’ over.
Sam: What?
Dean: I mean it. If huntin’ this demon means you gettin’ yourself killed, then I hope we never find the damn thing.
Sam: That thing killed Jess. That thing killed Mom.
Dean: You said yourself once….that no matter what we do, they’re gone. And they’re never comin’ back.
Sam: Don’t you say that! Don’t you—not after all this, don’t you say that!
Dean: [emotionally] Sammy, look…the three of us—that’s all we have. And that’s all I have. Sometimes I feel like I’m barely holdin’ it together, man. Without you and Dad...

Devil's Trap [1.22]

Dean: To tell you the truth, I wasn't sure if we should come.
Bobby: Nonsense. Your daddy needs help.
Dean: Yeah, but last time we saw you, I mean, you did threaten to blast him full of buckshot. Cocked the shotgun and everything.
Bobby: Yeah, well, what can I say? John just has that effect on people.
Meg: No more crap, okay? I want the Colt, Sam—the real Colt. Right now.
Sam: We don’t have it on us. We buried it.
Meg: Didn’t I say, “No more crap”? I swear, after everything I heard about you Winchesters, I’ve got to tell you, I’m a little underwhelmed. First, Johnny tries to pawn off a fake gun, and then he leaves the real gun with you two chuckleheads. Lackluster, men. I mean, did you really think I wouldn’t find you?
Dean: Actually, we were counting on it. Gotcha.
Dean: You and dad are a lot more alike then I thought, you know that? You both can't wait to sacrifice yourself for this thing, but you know what? I'm gonna be the one to bury you.
John (possessed): He’s gonna taste the iron in your blood.
Dean: Let him go, or I swear to God...
John (possessed): What? What are you and God gonna do? You see as far as I’m concerned, this is justice. You know that little exorcism of yours? That was my daughter. The one in the alley? That was my boy. You understand?
Dean: You got to be kidding me.
John (possessed): What? You the only one that can have a family? You destroyed my children. How would you feel if I killed your family? Oh, that’s right, I forgot I did. Still, two wrongs don’t make a right.
Dean: You son of a bitch.
Sam: I wanna know why. Why’d you do it?
John (possessed): You mean why’d I kill mommy and pretty little Jess?
Sam: Yeah
John (possessed): [to Dean] You know I never told you this, but Sam was going to ask her to marry him. Been shopping for rings and everything. You wanna know why? Because they got in the way.
Sam: In the way of what?
John (possessed): My plans for you, Sammy, you, and all the children like you.
Dean: Listen, you mind just getting this over with, because I really can’t stand the monologuing.
John (possessed): Funny, but that’s all part of your MO isn’t it? Mask all that nasty pain, mask the truth.
Dean: Oh yeah? What’s that?
John (possessed): You know you fight, and you fight for this family, but the truth is, they don’t need you, not like you need them. Sam, he’s clearly John's favorite. Even when they fight its more concern than he’s ever shown you.
Dean: I bet you’re real proud of your kids too huh? Oh wait, I forgot, I wasted them.
John: Killing this demon comes first. Before me, before everything.
Sam: (looks at wounded Dean) No sir. Not before everything.

Season 2

In My Time Of Dying [2.1]

Sam: Get back. Or I'll kill you I swear to God.
Possessed Trucker: You won't. You're saving that bullet for someone else.
Sam: (cocks the Colt) You wanna bet?
Dean: (to Sam) Come on, you're the psychic. Give me some ghost whispering or something!
John: Here. (hands Sam a card) Give them my insurance.
Sam: (sceptically) Elroy McGillicuddy?
John: And his two loving sons.
Sam: I'll find some hoodoo priest to lay some mojo on him.
(This is exactly what Dean suggested earlier; Sam had unconsciously heard it)
John: Where's the Colt?
Sam: Your son is dying and you're worried about the Colt?
John: We are hunting this demon, and maybe it's hunting us too. That gun might be our only cover.
Sam: ...it's in the trunk. They towed the car to a yard off of I-83.
Sam: Hey Dad, you know, the demon, he said he had plans for me and the children like me. Do you have any idea what he meant by that?
John: No, I don't.
(Sam leaves the room)
Dean: (to John) Well, you sure know something.
Sam: Oh man, (looking at the Impala) Dean is gonna be pissed.
Bobby: Look, Sam, this just ain't worth a tow. I say we empty the trunk and sell the rest for scrap.
Sam: No, Dean would kill me if we did that. When he gets better he's going to want to fix this.
Bobby: There's nothing to fix. The frame's a pretzel, the engine's ruined... there's barely any parts worth salvaging!
Sam: Listen to me, Bobby: If there's only one working part, that's enough. We're not just going to give up on... (realizes he's no longer talking about the car)
Dean: Come on, Dad. You've got to help me. I've got to get better, I've got to get back in there. You haven't called a soul for help, you haven't even tried. Aren't you going to do anything, aren't you even going to say anything?! I've done everything you've ever asked me, everything. I've given everything I've ever had. Now you're just going to sit there and watch me die? What the hell kind of father are you?!
John: I have a plan, Sam.
Sam: That's exactly my point!! Dean is dying, and you have a plan!!! You know, you care more about this demon than you do saving your own son!
John: Do not tell me how I feel! I am doing this for Dean.
Sam: How? How is revenge gonna help him? You're not thinking about anybody but yourself- it's the same, selfish obsession!
John: Oh that's funny, y'know what, I thought this was your obsession too! This demon: killed you mother, killed your girlfriend! You begged me to be a part of this hunt! Now if you'd killed that damn thing when you had the chance, none of this would've happened!!
Sam: It was possessing you dad, I would've killed you too!
John: Yeah, and your brother would be awake right now!
Sam: Go to Hell.
(After swiping a glass of water off a table in anger)
Dean: Dude, I full-on Swazyed that mother!
Tessa: What are you, some kind of New Agey guy?
Dean: (annoyed) You see me messing with crystals and listening to Yanni?
Tessa: I just think, whatever's going to happen is going to happen. It's out of my control; it's just fate.
Dean: That's crap. You always have a choice. You can either roll over and die or you can keep fighting, no matter what.
Sam: Hey. I think maybe you're around, and if you are, don't make fun of me for this, but, um, there's one way we can talk.
(Sam pulls out a "Mystical Talking Board")
Dean: Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
Sam: Dean? Dean, are you here?
Dean: God, I feel like I'm at a slumber party.
Dean: Thanks for not giving up on me Sammy.
(John has just performed the ritual that will summon the demon)
Custodian: The Hell are you doin' down here, buddy?
John: I can explain.
Custodian: Yeah? You're gonna explain to security. C'mon, follow me.
John: Hey. (draws the Colt) How stupid do you think I am.
Custodian: (turns, and his eyes turn yellow) You really want an honest answer to that?
Yellow eyed demon: You, conjuring me, John? I'm surprised. I took you for a lot of things, but suicidally reckless wasn't one of them.
Sam: Dean, are you here? Couldn't find anything in the book. I don't know how to help you. But I'll keep trying, alright? As long as you keep fighting. I mean, come on, you can't— you can't leave me here alone with Dad, we'll kill each other, you know that. Dean, you gotta hold on. You can't go, man, not now. We were just starting to be brothers again. Can you hear me?
Dean: There's no such thing as an honorable death. My corpse is gonna rot in the ground and my family is gonna die!
Yellow eyed demon: It's very unseemly, making deals with devils.
Yellow eyed Demon: Why John, you're a sentimentalist. If only your boys knew, how much their daddy loved them.
Yellow eyed demon: You know the truth, right? About Sammy? And the other children?
John: Yeah. I've known for a while.
Yellow eyed demon: But Sam doesn't, does he? You've been playing dumb.
John: I'm gonna wanna make sure that Dean's okay, with my own eyes.
Yellow eyed demon: Oh, John, I'm offended. Don't you trust me?
John: So we have a deal.
Yellow eyed demon: No, John, not yet. You still need to sweeten the pot.
John: How you feeling, dude?
Dean: Fine I guess. I'm alive.
John: That's what matters.
Sam: Where were you last night?
John: I had some things to take care of.
Sam: Well, that's specific.
Dean: Come on, Sam.
Sam: Did you go after the Demon?
John: No.
Sam: You know, why don't I believe you right now?
John: Can we not fight? You know, half the time we're fighting I don't even know what we're fighting about. Just butting heads. Look, Sammy I've, I've made some mistakes. But I've always done the best I could. I just don't want to fight anymore, okay?
Sam: Dad, are you all right?
John: Yeah... Yeah, I'm just a little tired. Hey Sam, would you mind getting me a cup of caffeine?
Sam: Yeah. Yeah, sure.
Dean: What is it?
John: You know... when you were a kid, I'd come home from a hunt. And after what I'd seen I'd be...I'd be wrecked. And you... you'd come up to me and you, you'd put your hand on my shoulder and you'd look me in they eye and, you'd say 'Its okay, dad.' Dean, I'm sorry.
Dean: Why?
John: You shouldn't have had to say that to me. I-I should've been saying that to you. You know, I put- I put too much on your shoulders. I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that. And you didn't complain, not once. I just want you to know that I am so proud of you.
Dean: This really you talking?
John: Yeah. Yeah, it's really me.
Dean: Why you saying this stuff?
John: I want you to watch out for Sammy, okay?
Dean: Yeah dad, you know I will. You're scaring me.
John: Don't be scared, Dean.

Everybody Loves A Clown [2.2]

Sam: Before...before he... [He stops, unable to get the words out] Did he say anything to you? About anything?
Dean: [pause] No. Nothin'.
Dean: Stop it, Sam.
Sam: Stop what?
Dean: Stop askin’ if I need anything, stop askin’ if I’m okay. I’m okay. Really. I promise.
Sam: All right. Dean, it’s just…we’ve been at Bobby’s for over a week now and you haven’t brought up Dad once.
Dean: You know what, you’re right. Come here. I’m gonna lay my head gently on your shoulder. Maybe we can cry, hug –- maybe even slow dance.
[Dean and Sam are forced to drive a Dodge Caravan while the Impala is still being repaired]
Dean: I feel like a freakin' soccer mom.
Dean: [looking around Harvelle's, the barrel of a rifle is placed against his back] Oh God, please let that be a rifle.
Jo: Nah, I'm just real happy to see you.
Sam: So look, if you can help, we could use all the help we can get.
Ellen: Well we can't. But Ash will.
Sam: Who's Ash?
Ellen: ASH!
[A man in a red plaid jacket with a mullet sleeping on the pool table jolts awake]
Ash: What? Closin' time?
Sam: That's Ash?
Jo: Mmm hmm, He's a genius.
[Skips to a discussion at the bar with Ash, John's journal is presented to him]
Dean: You gotta be kidding me; this guy's no genius. He's a Lynyrd Skynyrd roadie.
Ash: I like you.
Dean: Thanks.
[Discussing John's research]
Ash: There are non-parametrics, statistical overviews, prospects and correlations, I mean... damn! They're signs. Omens. Uh, if you can track 'em, you can track this demon. You know, like crop failures, electrical storms... You ever been struck by lightening? It ain't fun.
Sam: Can you track it or not?
Ash: Yeah, with this, I think so. But it's gonna take time... uh, gimmie... 51 hours
[Ash gets up to leave.]
Dean: Hey, man?
Ash: Yeah.
Dean: I, uh, I dig the haircut.
Ash: All business up front, party in the back.
Dean: I know what you're thinking, Sam: why did it have to be clowns? [reference to Raiders of the Lost Ark "Why'd it have to be snakes"]
Sam: Gimme a break.
Dean: [laughs] You didn’t think I remembered, did you? C'mon, you still bust out crying whenever you see Ronald MacDonald television.
Sam: At least I'm not afraid of flying.
Dean: Planes crash, Sam!
Sam: And apparently, clowns kill!
Dean: Excuse me. We're looking for a Mr. Cooper. Have you seen him around?
Amazing Papazian: What is that? Some kind of joke? [removes his glasses, showing he's blind]
Dean: Oh God, I'm sorry...
Amazing Papazian: You think I wouldn't give my eye teeth to see Mr. Cooper, or a sunset, or anything at all...?
Dean: [Aside, to Sam] You wanna give me a little help here?
Sam: Not really.
Midget Clown: Hey Barry, is there a problem?
Amazing Papazian: Yeah, this guy hates blind people.
Dean: No, no I don't...
Midget Clown: Hey buddy, what's your problem?
Dean: Nothing, it's just a little misunderstanding.
Midget Clown: Little? You son of a bitch...
Dean: No, no, no, I'm just... Can somebody tell me where Mr. Cooper is? Please?
Mr. Cooper: You two have never worked a show in your lives before, have you?
Dean: Nope. But we really need the work. So... and ah, Sam here's got a thing for the bearded lady.
Dean: Hello?
Sam: Hey, man.
Dean: What’s the matter? You sound like you just saw a clown.
Sam: Very funny.
Dean: I just think it’s really interesting, this sudden obedience you have to Dad. It’s like, “Oh, what would Dad want me to do?” Sam, you spent your entire life sluggin’ it out with that man. I mean, hell, you picked a fight with him the last time you ever saw him, and now that he’s dead, now you want to make it right? Well, I’m sorry, Sam, but you can’t. It’s too little, too late.
Sam: Why are you sayin' this to me?
Dean: Because I want you to be honest with yourself about this! I’m dealin’ with Dad’s death! Are you?
[Jo and Dean stare at Sam, giving him the hint to leave.]
Sam: Oh, yeah. I’ve got to, uh…I’ve got to go…over there…right now. [He leaves.]
[After Dean and Sam return to the roadhouse, Ash emerges from his room]
Ash: Where you guys been? Been waitn' for ya...
Sam: We were working a job, Ash. [Ash looks blankly at Sam] Clowns?
Ash: Clowns? What the f-
Dean: [Interrupting] You got something for us Ash?
[Ash has rigged a laptop to an alarm if any of The Demon's signs appear anywhere in the world]
Sam: Ash Where'd you learn to do all this?
Ash: MIT. Before I got bounced, for fighting.
Sam: MIT?
Ash: It's a school in Boston.
Sam: You were right.
Dean: About what?
Sam: About me and Dad. I’m sorry that the last time I was with him, I tried to pick a fight. I’m sorry that I spent most of my life angry at him. I mean, for all I know, he died thinkin’ that I hate him. So, you’re right. What I’m doin’ right now - it is too little. It’s too late. [pause] I miss him, man. And I feel guilty as hell. [He is on the verge of tears.] And I’m not all right. Not at all. [pause] But neither are you. That much I know. I’ll let you get back to work. [He leaves.]

Bloodlust [2.3]

[Dean is overjoyed to have his Impala back]
Sam: You know, if you two wanna get a room, just let me know Dean.
Dean: [to the Impala] Don't listen to him, baby. He doesn't understand.
Sam: (talking to Dean) Give you a couple of severed heads and a pile of dead cows and you're Mr. Sunshine.
Sheriff: What newspaper did you say you worked for?
Dean: World Weekly News.
Sam: Weekly World News.
Dean: World...
Sam: Weekly World News.
Dean: Wor... I'm new.
Sheriff: Get out of my office
Dean: John.
Jeff: Jeff.
Dean: Jeff, I know that. Dr. Dworkin needs to see you in the office.
Jeff: But Dr. Dworkin is on vacation.
Dean: Well, he's back and he is pissed, he's screaming for you, man, so if I were you, I would…
Jeff: Okay!
Dean: Okay… Those Satanists in Florida, they marked their victims, didn't they?
Sam: Yeah. Reverse pentacle on the forehead.
Dean: Yeah… So much f’d up crap happens in Florida.
Dean: All right, Open it.
Sam: You open it.
Dean: Wuss.
Sam: Dean, get me a bucket.
Dean: Find something?
Sam: No, I'm going to puke.
Sam: So... we're looking for some people.
Bartender: Sure, its hard to be lonely.
Dean: Did you check out that Barker farm?
Gordon: It’s a bust. Just a bunch of hippie freaks. Though they could kill you with that patchouli smell alone.
Dean: You all right, Sammy?
Sam: Yeah, I'm fine.
Gordon: Well, lighten up a little, Sammy.
Sam: He's the only one who gets to call me that.
Sam: (sighs) Look, I’m not gonna bring you guys down, I'm just gonna go back to the motel.
Dean: (groans slightly) You sure?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Hey, Sammy! Remind me to beat that buzz-kill out of you later, alright?
Dean: He was just one of those guys... took some terrible beatings... just kept coming. So you're always saying to yourself, he's indestructible, he'll always be around... nothing can kill my Dad. And then just like that...he's gone. Can't talk about this to Sammy--I've gotta keep my game face on. But, ah, the truth is I'm not handling it too well.
Sam: I thought you said he [Gordon] was a good hunter?
Ellen: Yeah, and Hannibal Lecter's a good psychiatrist.
Gordon: You know why I love this life?
Dean: Hmm?
Gordon: It's all black and white. There's no maybe. Find the bad thing, kill it. You see, most people spend their lives in shades of gray. "Is this right, is that wrong?" Not us.
Eli: Why are we explaining ourselves to this killer [Sam]?
Lenore: Eli...
Eli: We choke on cows blood so that none of them suffer. And tonight, they murdered Conrad. And they celebrated.
Lenore: Eli, that's enough.
Sam: Yeah, Eli, that's enough!
Dean: And I’m supposed to listen to her? We barely know her, Sam. No, thanks. I’ll go with Gordon.
Sam: Right, because Gordon’s such an old friend. You don’t think I can see what this is?
Dean: What are you talking about?
Sam: He’s a substitute for Dad, isn’t he? A poor one.
Dean: Shut up, Sam.
Sam: He’s not even close, Dean. Not on his best day.
Dean: You know, I’m not gonna talk—
Sam: You slap on his big fake smile but I can see through it. 'Cause I know how you feel, Dean. Dad’s dead, and he left a hole, and it hurt so bad you can’t take it. But you can’t just fill that hole with whoever you want to. It’s an insult to his memory!
Dean: Okay... [He turns around and hits Sam.]
Sam: You hit me all you want. It won’t change anything.
Dean: You’re good. A monster pain in the ass… but you’re good.
Dean: (to Gordon) I might be like you, and I might not. But you’re the one tied up right now.
Sam: Ready to go, Dean?
Dean: Not yet. (to Gordon) I guess this is goodbye. Well, it’s been real... (punches Gordon) Okay, I’m good now. We can go.
Dean: Sam.
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: Clock me one.
Sam: What?
Dean: Come on. I won’t even hit you back. Let’s go.
Sam: No.
Dean: Let’s go. You get a freebie. Hit me. Come on.
Sam: You look like you just went 12 rounds with a block of cement, Dean. I’ll take a rain check.
Dean: Think about the hunts we went on,Sammy, our whole lives.
Sam: Okay.
Dean: What if we killed things that didn’t deserve killing? I mean, the way Dad raised us-
Sam: Dean, after what happened to Mom, Dad did the best he could.
Dean: I know he did. But the man wasn’t perfect. And the way he raised us to hate those things? And, man, I hate them. I do. When I killed that vampire at the mill I didn’t even think about it. Hell, I even enjoyed it.
Sam: You didn’t kill Lenore.
Dean: Well, but every instinct told me to. I was gonna kill her, I was gonna kill them all.
Sam: Yeah, Dean, but you didn’t. And that’s what matters.
Dean: Yeah. And because you’re a pain in my ass.
Sam: I guess I might have to stick around and be a pain in the ass, then.
Dean: Thanks.
Sam: Don’t mention it.

Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things [2.4]

Dean: Come on, Sam, I’m begging you. This is stupid.
Sam: Why?
Dean: Going to visit mom’s grave? She doesn’t even have a grave. There was no body left after the fire.
Sam: She has a headstone.
Dean: Yeah, put up by her uncle, a man we’ve never met. So you wanna go pay your respects to a slab of granite put up by a stranger? Come on
Sam: Dean, that’s not the point.
Dean: Well, then enlighten me, Sam.
Sam: It’s not about a body or a casket. It’s about her memory, okay? And after dad, it just-it just feels like the right thing to do.
Dean: It’s irrational, is what it is.
Sam: Look, man, no one asked you to come.
Dean: Why don’t we swing by the Roadhouse instead? I mean, we haven’t heard on the demon lately. We should be hunting that son of a bitch down.
Sam: That’s a good idea. You should. Just drop me off. I’ll hitch a ride, And I’ll meet you tomorrow.
Dean: Right. I’ll be stuck with those people, making awkward small talk until you show up. No, thanks.
Sam: Okay. So what are you thinking?
Dean: I don’t know, unholy ground, maybe.
Sam: Un...
Dean: What? If something evil happened, it could easily poison the ground. Remember the farm outside of Cedar Rapids?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Could be the sign of a demonic presence. Or the-the Angela girl’s spirit, if it’s powerful enough.
[Sam nods, rolls his eyes and walks away]
Dean: Well, don’t get too excited, you might pull something.
[Dean gives Sam an angry glare after he brings up John's death]
Sam: You want to take another swing? Go ahead if it'll make you feel better.
Television that Sam is watching: [sultry voice] Next on the skin channel, Casa Erotica IV a tale of two Latin beauties...
[Dean enters and Sam quickly turns off the television]
Sam: [off-handedly] Hey. ...What?
Dean: Awkward...
Dean: I'm still not getting that powerful 'angry spirit' vibe from Angela. I have been reading this though. [holds up a pink book]
Sam: You stole the girl's diary?
Dean: Yeah, Sam, and if anything, that girl's a little too nice.
Sam: So what do we do?
Dean: Keep digging, talk to more of her friends.
Sam: You get any names?
Dean: You kiddin' me? I have her bestest friend in the whole wide world.
Dean: Burn the bones.
Sam: Burn the bones? Are you high? Angela died last week!
Dean: So?
Sam: So, there's not going to be bones! There's going to be a ripe, rotting body in the coffin!
Dean: Since when are you afraid to get dirty?
[repeated line]
Dean: What's dead should stay dead.
Dean: Sam, if you bring Dad's death up one more time, I swear...
Sam: Stop. Please, Dean, it's killing you. Please. We've already lost Dad, we've lost Mom, I've lost Jessica and now I'm gonna lose you too.
Dean: We better get out of here before the cops come. I hear you, okay? Yeah, I'm being an ass and I'm sorry. But right now, we got a freaking zombie running around, we need to figure out how to kill it. Right?
Sam: Our lives are weird, man.
Dean: You're telling me. Come on.
Dean: We can't just waste 'em with a headshot?
Sam: Dude, you've been watching way too many Romero flicks.
Dean: You're telling me there's no lore on how to smoke them?
Sam: No, Dean, I'm telling you there's too much. I mean, there's at least a hundred different legends on the walking dead, but they all have different methods for killing them. Some say setting them on fire... uh, one said [flipping through John's journal] ...where is it? Right here. "Feeding their hearts to wild dogs." That's my personal favorite.
Dean: Neil, it's your grief counselors. We've come to hug.
[Searching Neil's house and finding a heavily bolted door above the stairs to the zombie pen]
Dean: [jokingly] Unless this is where he keeps his porn...
[upon finding the empty zombie pen]
Sam: You think Angela's going after somebody?
Dean: [knocking aside a grate to reveal a large hole in the wall leading outside] Nah, I think she went out to rent Beaches.
Sam: Look, smartass, she might kill someone. We gotta find her, Dean.
Dean: Yeah. Alright, she, uh... She clipped Matt because he was cheating, right?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Well, it takes two to, you know... have hardcore sex.
Dean: I've heard of some people doing some pretty desperate things to get laid, but you, you take the cake!...
Neil: You're crazy.
Dean: Your girlfriend's past her expiration date and we're crazy?
Sam: Did we have to use me as bait?
Dean: I figured you were more her type. She had pretty crappy taste in guys.
Sam: I think she broke my hand.
Dean: You're just too fragile. We'll get it looked at later.
Dean: I'm sorry.
Sam: You -- For what?
Dean: The way I've been acting. And for Dad. I mean, he was your dad too. And it's my fault that he's gone.
Sam: What are you talking about?
Dean: I know you've been thinking it -- so have I. Doesn't take a genius to figure it out. Back at the hospital, I made a full recovery. It was a miracle. And five minutes later Dad's dead and the Colt's gone.
Sam: Dean.
Dean: You can't tell me there's not a connection there. I don't know how the demon was involved. I don't know how the whole thing went down exactly. But Dad's dead because of me. And that much I do know.
Sam: We don't know that. Not for sure.
Dean: Sam ... (He starts to cry) You and Dad ... you're the most important people in my life. And now ... I never should've come back, Sam. It wasn't natural. And now look what's come of it. I was dead. And I should have stayed dead. You wanted to know how I was feeling. Well, that's it.
[Sam nods]
Dean: So tell me. What could you possibly say to make that all right?

Simon Said [2.5]

Sam: So, I’m a freak now?
Dean: You’ve always been a freak.
[Sam knocks on Ash's door, which bears the sign "Dr. Badass is: In/Out"]
Sam: Ash. [knocks again] ...Hey, Ash!
[Dean knocks]
Dean: Hey, Dr. Badass!
[Door opens and Ash is completely naked]
Ash: Sam. Dean. Sam and Dean.
Sam: Hey, Ash... We need your help.
Ash: Well, hell, then, guess I need my pants.
[Ash is searching unsuccessfully for information on the case]
Sam: Alright, try something else for me. Search Guthry for a housefire; it would be 1983, fire's origin would be the baby's nursery, night of the kid's 6th month birthday.
[Ash stares]
Ash: Okay, now that is just weird, man. Why the hell would I be looking for that?
[Sam put a bottle on the counter]
Sam: Because there's a PBR in it for ya.
Ash: Give me 15 minutes.
[Jo puts music on and takes tray of glasses to counter, Dean gives her a look]
Jo: What?
Dean: REO Speedwagon?
Jo: Damn right, REO, Kevin Cronin sings it from the heart.
Dean: He sings it from the hair, there's a difference.
Dean: If I ran off with you, I think your mother might kill me. [gives Ellen a sheepish grin as she glares at him from across the room]
Jo: You're afraid of my mother?
Dean: [turns back to Jo] I think so.
[Dean is singing "Can't Fight This Feeling" by REO Speedwagon in the car]
Dean: "And even as I wander, I'm keepin' you in sight/ You're a candle in a window on a cold dark winter's night..."
[Sam appears confused and annoyed]
Dean: [continuing] "And I'm getting closer than I ever thought, I might-"
Sam: [staring at Dean] You're kidding, right?
Dean: I heard the song somewhere; I can't get it out of my head. I don't know, man.
Server: If you want to find him [Andy], try Orchard St. Just look for a van with a barbarian queen painted on the side.
Dean: Barbarian queen?
Server: She's riding a polar bear, it's kinda hard to miss.
[Dean and Sam are observing Andy's van from their car]
Dean: I'm sorry, I'm starting to like this dude. That van is sweet.
Dean: What's wrong?
Sam: Nothing.
Dean: Sam, you look like you’re sucking on a lemon. What’s going on?
Andy: This is a cherry ride.
Dean: Yeah, thanks.
Andy: Man, a ’67. Impala’s best year, if you ask me. This is a serious classic.
Dean: Yeah. You know, I just rebuilt her, too. Can’t let a car like this one go.
Andy: Damn straight. Hey, can I have it?
Dean: Sure, man!
Andy: Sweet! [He gets inside.]
Dean: Hop right in there…there you go.
Andy: Nice! Take it easy.
Dean: All right.
[Sam calls Dean on his cell phone]
Sam: Dean! Andy's got the Impala!
Dean: I know! He just sort of asked me for it, and then I let him take it...
Sam: You what?!
Dean: He full-on Obi-waned me! It's mind control, man!
[Upon finding the Impala intact]
Dean: Oh, thank God! I'm sorry baby, I'll never leave you again! At least he left the keys in it.
Sam: Yeah. Real Samaritan, this guy.
Dean: Well, it looks like he can’t work his mojo just by twitchin’ his nose. He’s gotta use verbal commands.
[Looking through the items in a van]
Dean: And Moby Dick's bong.
Dean: Argh!!! You know, one day I'd love to just sit down, and eat something that I didn't have to microwave in a Mini-Mart.
Andy: Hey! You think I haven't seen you two? Why are you following me?
Sam: Well, we're lawyers. See, a relative of yours has passed...
Andy: [Interupting.] Tell the truth.
Sam: That's what I'm...
Dean: We hunt demons.
Andy: What?
Sam: [Shocked.] Dean!
Dean: Demons, spirits, things your worst nightmares wouldn't even touch. Sam here, he's my brother...
Sam: Dean! Shut up!
Dean: I'm trying. He's psychic, kinda like you. Well, not really like you, but see he thinks you're a murderer and he's afraid that he's gonna become one himself because you're all part of something that's terrible and I hope to hell that he's wrong, but I'm starting to get a little scared that he might be right.
[After the boys determine Andy to be innocent, Andy and Sam are discussing their abilities]
Andy: You get these premonitions... of people about to die? [Sam nods] ...That's impossible.
Sam: A lot of people would say the same thing about what you do.
Andy: [Pause] But death visions?
Sam: Yeah.
Andy: Dude, that sucks. When I got my mind thing, it was like a gift, you know? It was, It was like I won the lotto.
Sam: But you still live in a van. I don’t get it. I mean, you could have anything you ever wanted.
Andy: I...I have everything I need.
Sam: So, you’re really not a killer, huh?
Andy: That's...That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.
Sam: That’s good. It means there’s hope for both of us.
Office Clerk: Probably shouldn't have let you kids in here...
Andy: No, it will all be fine. Just go get a cup of coffee, alright? 'These aren't the droids you're looking for.'
Dean: Awesome.
[Reviewing county birth records]
Sam: Andy, it's true. Holly Beckett was your birth mother.
Andy: Does anyone have a Vicodin?
Sam: Dr. Jennings was her doctor too... I mean, he oversaw the adoption. You have a solid connection to both of them.
Andy: Yeah, but I didn't kill them.
Dean: We believe you. But who did?
Sam: I think I've got a pretty good guess. Holly Beckett gave birth to twins.
Andy: [Holding his head, awestruck] I have an evil twin...
Sam: Dean, you should stay back.
Dean: No argument here. I’ve had my head screwed with enough for one day.
Andy: How did you do that?
Webber: Practice, bro. If you'd just practice, you would know. Sometimes, you don't need to use your words. If you have to, all you need is this. [He points to his head] Sometimes, the headache's worth it.
[Speaking with his "evil twin", Webber]
Andy: Are you really...Are you really this stupid? Is it...You you you learn you got a twin: You call him up, you...you go out for a drink! You don't start killing people!
Andy: Why did you kill our mother? And why, why Dr. Jennings?
Webber: Because they split us up! They ruined our lives, Andy! We could've been together this whole time, instead of alone. I...I couldn't, I couldn't let 'em do that, I couldn't let 'em get away with that. No.
Dean: That was mind control! That was…that’s like being roofied, man. It doesn’t count.
Sam: What?
Dean: I call do-over.
Sam: What are you, 7?
Ellen: You mind your tone with me, boy. This isn’t just your war, this is war. Now, something big and bad is coming, and it’s coming fast, and their side holds all the cards. Now, at best, all we’ve got is us, together. No secrets or half-truths here.
Dean: Who knows how many of them are really out there?
Ellen: Jo, honey?
Jo: Yeah?
Ellen: You'd better break out the whiskey instead.

No Exit [2.6]

Dean: Young girl’s been kidnapped by an evil cult.
Sam: Yeah. Girl got a name?
Dean: Katie Holmes.
Sam: That's funny... and for you, so bitchy.
Dean: We rarely drink before 10, anyway.
Jo: [impatiently holds out a case file] Take it, it won't bite.
Dean: No, but your mom might.
Dean: That’s ectoplasm. Well, Sam, I think I know what we’re dealing with here. [beat] It’s the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
Dean: What the hell are you doing here?
Jo: There you are, honey. [She walks over to him and puts her arm around his waist.] This is my boyfriend, Dean, and his buddy, Sam.
Ed: [shaking their hands] Good to meet you. Quite a gal you’ve got here.
Dean: Oh, yeah, she’s a pistol. [He chuckles.]
Jo: So, did you already check out the apartment? [He doesn’t answer.] The one for rent?
Dean: Y-yeah, yes. Loved it. Great flow.
Ed: How’d you get in?
Dean: It was open.
Jo: Now, Ed, uh, when did the last tenant move out?
Ed: Oh, about a month ago. Cut and run, too. Stiffed me for the rent.
Jo: [laughing] Well, her loss, our gain. ‘Cause if Dean-o loves it, that’s good enough for me.
Dean: Oh, sweetie. [He hits her on the back.]
Jo: [handing Ed a wad of cash] We’ll take it.
Dean: Hunters don't tip that well.
Jo: Well they aren't that good at poker either.
[Dean passing back and forth behind Jo and Jo twirling a knife in her hands]
Jo:(to Dean) Would you sit down please?!
(Dean after an annoyed look sits down)
Dean: (after saying something to Jo) Would you put the knife down?!
Jo: So you gonna buy me dinner?
Dean: What are you talking about?
Jo: It’s just if you’re gonna ride me this close, it’s only decent you buy me dinner.
Dean: Oh, that’s hilarious.
Dean: Jo, you’ve got options. No one in their right mind chooses this life. My dad started me on this when I was so young, I wish I could do something else.
Jo: You love the job.
Dean: Yeah, but I’m a little twisted.
Jo: You don’t think I’m a little twisted, too?
Dean: Jo, you’ve got a mother that worries about you, who wants something more for you. Those are good things. You don’t throw things like that away. They might be hard to find later.
Dean: Ah! Should have cleaned the pipes.
Jo: What?
Dean: Uh, just wish the pipes were clean.
Jo: [elbows Dean] Shut up!
Dean: (answers the phone) Yeah.
Ellen: You lied to me. She's there.
Dean: Ellen.
Ellen: No, Ash told me everything. The man's a genius, but he folds like a cheap suit. Now you put my damn daughter on the phone.
Dean: She's gonna have to call you back, she taking care of... feminine business.
Ellen: Yeah, right. Where is she? Where is she?!?
Dean: Look, we'll get her back.
Ellen: Get her back? Back from what?
Dean: The spirit we're hunting, it took her.
Ellen: Oh my God.
Dean: She'll be okay, I promise.
Ellen: You promise. That is not the first time I've heard that from a Winchester.
Jo: How do you like that? Pure iron, you creepy-ass son of a bitch!
Sam: So, this job as glamorous as you thought it would be?
Jo: Well, except for all the pee-your-pants terror, yeah, sure.
Jo: You ripped off a cement truck?
Dean: I'll give it back.
Jo: You can't keep me here!
Ellen: Don't you bet on it sweetheart!
Jo: Well, what are you going to do? You gonna chain me up in the basement?
Ellen: You know you've had worse ideas than that! Look you don't like it here? Fine! Go back to school!
Jo: I didn't belong there! I was a freak with a knife collection!
Ellen: Oh. Getting gutted of some dusty backroad! That's where you belong?
Jo: I...(goes to answer but sees Sam and Dean staring with mouths open)
Ellen: (turns and sees them) Guys, bad time!
Sam: Yes, Ma'am!
Dean: Yeah, we hardly drink before ten anyway!
Jo: (storms over to them) Wait! I want to know what they think about this!
Ellen: I don't care what they think!
Tourist 1: Hey are you guys open?
Ellen: (at the same time as Jo) Yes!
Jo: (at the same time as Ellen) No!
Tourist 1: We'll just try the Arville's down the road!

The Usual Suspects [2.7]

Sam: We saw the second-largest ball of twine in the continental U.S. Awesome.
Diana Ballard: Sam, you seem like a good kid. It’s not your fault Dean’s your brother. We can’t pick our family.
Dean: What do you think, Scully, want to check it out?
Sam: I'm not Scully, you're Scully.
Dean: No, I'm Mulder. You're a red-headed woman.
Sam: Anthony Gyles' body was found right about here. (reads) "Throat slit so deep, part of his spinal cord was visible."
Dean: (whistles) What do you think? Vengeful spirit, underline "vengeful"?
Sam: Wow, I'd say we've officially crossed over into weird.
Jeff Krause: I'm with the public defender's office. I'm your lawyer.
Dean: Oh, thank God. I'm saved
Krause: Do you understand how serious these charges are?
Dean: I’m handcuffed to a table. Yeah, I get it. Humor me.
[Sam calls his public defender Matlock minutes after Dean gives him the same comment]
Krause: [surprised] You really are brothers, aren't you?
Dean: My name is Dean Winchester. I am an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women. And I did not kill anyone.
Sheridan: You murdered them in cold blood just like that girl in St. Louis.
Dean: Oh, yeah, that wasn't me either. That was a shapeshifter creature that only looked like me.
Sheridan: Get up! (grabs Dean, pulls him to his feet, and slams him into the wall)
Ballard: Pete, that is enough!
Dean: You asked for the truth.
[Ballard comes in to Dean's interrogation room]
Dean: Can we make this quick? I'm a little tired. It's been a long day, you know, with your partner assaulting me and all.
Ballard: I wanna know more about that stuff you were talking about earlier.
Dean: Time Life. "Mysteries of the Unknown". Look it up.
Ballard: How did you get those? Those are from crime scenes and booking photos.
Sam: You have your job, I have mine.
Sam: This is bothering me.
Ballard: Well, you are digging up a corpse.
Sam: No, not that. That's, uh, pretty par for the course, actually.
Dean: Pee break? So soon? I think you might wanna get your prostate checked.
Sheridan:(talking about Dean) We can pin the whole thing on him. Right? No trial, nothing, just, just one more dead scum bag.
Dean: Hey!
Ballard: Unless... I just happened to turn my back, you walked away, I could tell them the suspects escaped.
Sam: Wait, are you sure?
Dean: Yes, she’s sure, Sam!
Sam: Nice lady.
Dean: Yeah, for a cop. Did she look familiar to you?
Sam: No, why?
Dean: I don’t know. Anyway, are you hungry?
Sam: No.
Dean: For some reason, I could really go for some pea soup.

Crossroad Blues [2.8]

Sam: So much for a low profile. You've got a warrant in St. Louis, and now you're officially in the Feds' database.
Dean: Dude, I'm like Dillinger or something.
Sam: Dean, it's not funny. Makes the job harder. We've got to be more careful now.
Dean: Well, what have they got on you?
Sam: I'm sure they just...haven't posted it yet.
Dean: Wait - no accessory, nothing?
Sam: Shut up.
Dean: [laughs] You're jealous.
Sam: No, I'm not!
Dean: Uh-huh. All right, what have you got on the case there, you innocent, harmless, young man, you?
Sam: Whatever they are, they're big, nasty...
Dean: Yeah, I bet they could hump the crap out of your leg. Look at that one, huh? [chuckles] What? They could!
Sam: So?
Dean: The secretary's name is Carly. She's 23, she kayaks, and they're real.
Sam: You didn't happen to ask her if she's seen any black dogs lately, did you?
Dean: Every complaint called in this week about everything big, black or dog-like. There's 19 calls in all. And I don't know what this thing is.
Sam: You mean Carly's MySpace address?
Dean: Yeah, MySpace. What the hell is that? [Sam laughs] Seriously, is that, like, some sort of porn site?
Sam: We gotta find out if anyone else struck any bargains around here.
Dean: Great. So, we’ve got to clean up these people’s mess for them? I mean, they’re not exactly squeaky clean. Nobody put a gun to their head and forced them to play “Let’s Make a Deal.”
Sam: So, what, we should just leave them to die?
Dean: Somebody goes over Niagara in a barrel, you gonna jump in and try to save them?
Dean: This house probably isn't up next on MTV Cribs, is it?
Sam: Yeah, so whatever kind of deal he made...
Dean: ...it wasn't for cash. Aw, who knows? Maybe his place is full of babes in Princess Leia bikinis.
Dean: So, what is that stuff out front?
George: Goofer dust. [Sam and Dean exchange a look.] Oh, you boys think you know somethin’ about somethin’ but not goofer dust? [He tosses a bag of the dust to Dean.]
Dean: Well, we know a little about a lot of things. Just enough to make us dangerous.
Dean: You did it to save her?
Evan: She had cancer, they had stopped treatment, they were moving her into hospice. They kept saying, “Matter of days.” So, yeah, I made the deal. And I’d do it again. I’d have died for her on the spot.
Dean: Did you ever think about her in all this?
Evan: I did this for her.
Dean: You sure about that? I think you did it for yourself…so you wouldn’t have to live without her. But, guess what, she’s gonna have to live without you now. But what if she knew how much it cost? What if she knew it cost your soul? How do you think she’d feel?
Dean: So you know who I am.
Demon: I get the newsletter.
Demon: You're lucky I've got a soft spot for lost puppies and long faces.
[The Demon tries to convince Dean to sell his soul]
Dean: You think you could...throw in a set of steak knives?
[The Demon kisses Dean.]
Dean: What the hell was that for?
Demon: Sealing the deal.
Dean: You know, I usually like to be warned before I'm violated with demon tongue.
Dean: Shut your mouth, bitch.
Dean: How could he do it?
Sam: He did it for you.
Dean: Exactly. How am I supposed to live with that?
Sam: Hey Dean.
Dean: Yeah.
Sam: When you were trapping that demon, you weren't...I mean, it was all a trick, right? You never considered actually making that deal, right?
Dean: [doesn't answer]

Croatoan [2.9]

Dean: Well, I’m sure I had a good reason.
Sam: I sure hope so.
Dean: What does that mean? [Sam doesn’t answer.] Sam, I’m not gonna waste an innocent man. [No answer.] I wouldn’t!
Sam: I never said you would!
Dean: Fine.
Sam: Fine. Look, we don’t know what it is. But whatever it is, that guy in the chair’s a part of it. So, let’s find him and see what’s what.
Dean: Fine.
Sam: Fine.
Sam: Did you pay any attention in history class?
Dean: Yeah. The shot heard ‘round the world, how bills become laws…
Sam: That's not school! That's Schoolhouse Rock!
Dean: ....Whatever.
Dean: Line’s dead. I’ll tell you one thing – if I was gonna massacre a town, that’d be my first step.
Dean: That was kinda creepy, right? A little too Stepford?
Sam: Big time.
Sam: What do you think? Multiple demons? Mass possession?
Dean: If it is a possession, there could be more. God knows how many. It could be like a friggin’ Shriner Convention.
Sam: Great.
Dean: ‘Course, that’s one way to wipe out a town. You take it from the inside.
Sam: I don’t know, man. We didn’t see any of the demon smoke with Tanner, or any of the other usual signs.
Dean: Well, whatever. I mean, something turned him into a monster. And you know, if you would have taken out the other one, there’d be one less to worry about.
Sam: I’m sorry, all right? I hesitated, Dean, it was a kid.
Dean: No, it was an “it”. Not the best time for a bleeding heart, Sam.
Dean: I’m gonna go ahead and see if I can find some help. My partner’ll stick around, keep you guys safe.
Doctor Lee: Safe from what?
Dean: We’ll get back to you on that.
Man: Say, why don’t you get out of the car and we’ll talk a little.
Dean: Well, you are a handsome devil, but I don't swing that way, sorry.
(Dean and the Sergeant are both pointing guns at one another)
Sergeant: What's going on with everybody?
Dean: I don't know.
Sergeant: My neighbor... Mr. Rodgers, h-
Dean: You've got a neighbor named Mr. Rodgers?
Sergeant: Not anymore.
(Dean and the Sergeant are both in the Impala, and are staring and pointing handguns at one another, both suspecting that the other is infected with the virus)
Dean: Well this oughta be a relaxing drive.
Duane: Has anybody seen my mom and dad?
Dean: (has shot and killed both) Awkward.
Dean: For what? For him to Hulk out? Infect somebody else? No, thanks, can’t take that chance. [Sam stops him from leaving.] Hey look, man, I’m not happy about this, okay? But it’s a tough job and you know that.
Sam: It’s supposed to be tough, Dean! We’re supposed to struggle with this, that’s the whole point!
Dean: What does that buy us?
Sam: A clear conscience, for one.
Dean: It’s too late for that.
Sam: What the hell has happened to you?
Dean: What?
Sam: You might kill an innocent man, and you don’t even care! You don’t act like yourself anymore, Dean. Hell, you know what? You’re acting like one of those things out there.
Dean: Mm-hmm. [He pushes Sam out of his way. He leaves the room, locking the door behind him.]
Dean: Doctor, check his wound again, would you? [She doesn’t move.] Doctor!
Sergeant: What does she need to examine it for? You saw what happened.
Doctor Lee: Did her blood actually enter your wound?
Sergeant: Come on, of course it did!
Dean: We don’t know that for sure!
Duane: We can’t take a chance!
Sergeant: You know what we have to do.
Dean: Nobody is shooting my brother
Duane: He’s not gonna be your brother much longer. You said it yourself.
Dean: Nobody’s shooting anybody.
Duane: You were gonna shoot me!
Dean: You will shut your pie hole, I still might!
Sam: Dean, they’re right. I’m infected. Just give me the gun and I’ll do it myself.
Dean: Forget it.
Sam: Dean, I’m not gonna become one of those things.
Dean: Sam, we’ve still got some time—
Sergeant: Time for what? Look, I understand he’s your brother, and I’m sorry. I am. [He takes out his gun.] But I’ve gotta take care of this.
Dean: I’m gonna say this one time. You make a move on him, you’ll be dead before you hit the ground, you understand me? Do I make myself clear?!
Sam: Dean!
Sergeant: Then what are we supposed to do?! [Dean pauses a long time before tossing his car keys to the Sergeant.]
Dean: Get the hell outta here, that’s what. Take my car. You’ve got the explosives, there’s an arsenal in there, you two go with them. You’ve got enough firepower to handle anything now.
Sergeant: What about you? [Dean gives him a knowing look.]
Sam: Dean, no. No. Go with them. This is your only chance.
Dean: No, you’re not gonna get rid of me that easy.
Sergeant: He’s right, man. Come with us! [Dean gives him another look.] Okay, here’s your funeral. [The two of them leave. Dr. Lee goes to leave also.]
Dean: Actually, we're not really marshals.
Doctor Lee: [looks wearily from Sam to Dean] Okay.
Dean: I wish we had a deck of cards or a foosball table or something.
Sam: Dean, don’t do this. Just get the hell out of here.
Dean: No way.
Sam: Give me my gun…and leave.
Dean: For the last time, Sam no.
Sam: This is the dumbest thing you've ever done.
Dean: I don't know about that. Remember that waitress in Tampa? (shudders)
Sam: Dean, I’m sick. It’s over for me. It doesn’t have to be for you.
Dean: No?
Sam: No, you can keep going.
Dean: Who says I want to?
Sam: What? [Dean sits down and pauses before talking.]
Dean: I’m tired, Sam. I’m tired of this job, this life. This weight on my shoulders, man, I’m tired of it.
Sam: So, what? So, you’re just gonna give up? I mean, you’re just gonna lay down and die? Look, Dean, I know the stuff with Dad had—
Dean: You’re wrong. It’s not about that. I mean, part of it is, sure, but—
Sam: What is it about?
Dean: I don’t know, man. I just think maybe we oughta…go to the Grand Canyon.
Sam: What?
Dean: Yeah, you know, all this driving back and forth, cross-country. You know I’ve never been to the Grand Canyon? Or we could go to T.J. Or Hollywood, see if we can bang Lindsay Lohan.
Sam: Dean, you're my brother, alright? So whatever weight you're carrying, let me help a little bit.
Dean: I can't I promised.
Sam: Who?
Dean: Dad.
Sam: What are you talking about?
Dean: Right before dad died, he told me something. He told me something about you.
Sam: What? Dean, what did he tell you?

Hunted [2.10]

Dean: Before Dad died he… he told me something. Something about you.
Sam: What? Dean, what did he tell you?
Dean: He said that he…he wanted me to watch out for you. Take care of you.
Sam: He told you that a million times.
Dean: No, this time was different. He said that I had to…save you.
Sam: Save me from what?
Dean: He just said that I had to save you. Nothing else mattered. And if I couldn’t, I’d…
Sam: You’d what, Dean?
Dean: I’d have to kill you. [Sam looks at him, confused.] He said that I might have to kill you, Sammy.
Sam: Kill me? What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Dean: I don’t know.
Sam: I mean, he must’ve had some kind of reason for saying it, right? Did he know the demon’s plans for me? Am I supposed to go dark-side or something?! What else did he say, Dean
Dean: Nothing. That’s it, I swear.
Sam: How could you not have told me this?!
Dean: Because it was dad and he begged me not to.
Sam: Who cares? Take some responsibility for yourself, Dean! You had no right to keep this from me!
Dean: You think I wanted this? Huh? I wish to God he’d never opened his mouth! And I wouldn’t have to walk around with this screaming in my head all day!
Sam: [after a long pause] We’ve just gotta figure out what’s going on then, what the hell all this means.
Dean: We do? I’ve been thinking about this, I think we should just lay low, you know? At least for a while. It’d be safer. And that way, I could make sure…
Sam: What? That I don’t turn evil? That I don’t turn into some kind of killer?
Dean: I never said that.
Sam: Jeez, if you’re not careful, you will have to waste me one day, Dean.
Dean: I never said that! Damn it, Sam, this whole thing is spinning out of control! Alright? You’re immune to some weirdo demon virus, and I don’t even know what the hell anymore. And you’re pissed at me, and I get it. That’s fine, I deserve it. But we lay low until we figure out our next move, okay?
Sam: Forget it.
Dean: Sam, please, man. [He grabs Sam’s shoulder] Hey, please. Just give me some time. Give me some time to think, okay, I’m begging you here. Please…please. [Sam nods]
Ash: And one other name, Scott Kerry.
Sam: What, you got an address?
Ash: Kinda. The Arbor Hills Cemetery in Lafayette, Indiana. Plot 486.
Ellen: Now, Dean, they say you can’t protect your loved ones forever. Well, I say screw that-- what else is family for?
Ava: [to Sam] Why can’t you just leave town, please? Before you blow up!
[Sam passes in front of the window on the building's edge]
Ava: Holy crap!!
Shrink: What? [looks behind]
Ava: [to shrink] Uh, I just remembered, when I was a kid I swallowed, like, 8 things of pop rocks and then drank a whole can of coke. You don’t think that that counts as a suicide attempt, do you?
Sam: You okay?
Ava: Am I okay?
Ava: I just helped you steal some dead guy's confidential psych files. I'm AWESOME!
Dean: [seeing Sam through motel window] Thank God you’re okay. [sees Ava with Sam] Oh, you’re better than okay. Sam, you sly dog!
Sam: These are .223 Caliber, subsonic rounds, the guy must've put a suppressor on the rifle.
Ava: Dude, who are you?
Sam: I ah...I just I...I just watch a lot of TJ Hooker.
Dean: [over the phone] Just got here myself. It's a real funky town. You ditched me Sammy!
Sam: Yeah, I'm sorry. Look, right now there's someone after me.
Dean: Wha- Who?
Sam: I don't know, that's what we've gotta find out. Where are you?
Dean: I'm staying at 5637 Monroe Street, why don't you meet me here?
Sam: Yeah, sure.
Gordon: [to Dean] Now was that so hard?
Dean: Bite me.
Ava: What is it?
Sam: My brother's in trouble.
Ava: What?
Sam: He gave me a codeword. Someone's got a gun on him.
Ava: Codeword?
Sam: Yeah. Funkytown. (beat) Well, he thought of it. It's kind of a . . .long story. I ... come on.
Gordon: What, you think this is revenge?
Dean: Well we did leave you tied up in your own mess for three days. [snickers] Which was awesome. Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh.
Dean: Well, you son of a bitch.
Gordon: (slaps him) That's my momma you're talking about.
Dean: [chuckles] This is a whole new level of moronic, even for you.
Dean: Come on, man, I know Sam, okay, better than anyone. He’s got more of a conscience than I do. The guy feels guilty surfing the Internet for porn.
Dean: [off screen the chair he's sitting on breaks] I'M FREE!
Gordon: Do it. Do it! Show your brother the killer you really are, Sammy.
[Sam slugs him]
Sam: It’s Sam.
[cops pull up and arrest Gordon]
Sam: Anonymous tip.
Dean: You're a fine, upstanding citizen, Sam.
Dean: Well, Gordon should be reaching for the soap for the next few years at least.
Dean: Dude, you ever take off like that again...
Sam: What? You'd kill me?
Dean: That is so not funny.
Sam: All right, so where to next, man?
Dean: One word, Amsterdam.
Sam: Dean!
Dean: Come on, man. I hear the coffee shops don’t even serve coffee
Sam: Look, Dean, I've tried running before. I mean I ran all the way to California, and look what happened. You can't run from this. And you can't protect me.
Dean: I can try.
Sam: Thanks for that.
Sam: So if you really want to watch my back, I guess you’re going to have to stick around.
Dean: Bitch.
Sam: Jerk.

Playthings [2.11]

Sam: We've gotta save as many people as we can.
Dean: Wow, that attitude is just way too healthy for me. I'm officially uncomfortable now. Thank you.
Dean: Dude, this is sweet! I never get to work jobs like this.
Sam: Like what?
Dean: Old-school haunted houses. You know: fog, secret passageways, sissy British accents. We might even get to run into Fred and Daphne while we're inside. Mmm, Daphne...love her.
Susan: Well, congratulations. You could be some of our final guests.
Dean: That sounds vaguely ominous.
Susan: Let me guess. You guys are here antiquing?
Dean: How'd you know?
Susan: Oh, you just look the type. So, uh, a king-size bed?
Sam: What?! No, uh no, we're... Two singles. We're just brothers.
Susan: Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry.
Dean: What'd you mean that we look the type?
Dean: Of course, the most troubling question is why do these people assume we're gay?
Sam: Well, you are kind of butch. They probably think you're overcompensating.
Dean: (uncomfortable chuckle) Right.
Dean: Hey, are those antique dolls? ‘Cause this one, this one here, he's got a major doll collection back home. (grins at Sam) Don’t ya? Huh?
Sam: (reluctantly) Big time.
Dean: Big time. Yeah, you think he could come…well, we could come in and take a look?
Susan: I don’t know…
Dean: Please? I mean he loves them. He’s not gonna tell you this, but he’s always dressing ‘em up in these little tiny outfits and I mean, you’d make his day. She would, huh? Huh?
Sam: (glaring at Dean) It’s true.
Dean: Wow! This is a lotta dolls. Er, they're nice, they're not super-creepy at all...
Sam: You're bossy.
Dean: What?
Sam: You're bossy... and short. (laughs)
Dean: Are you drunk?
Sam: Yeah! So? ...stupid.
Sam: (Leaning over the toilet) I can still taste the Tequila.
Dean: You know there's a really good hangover remedy, it's a greasy pork sandwich served up in a dirty ashtray.
Sam: (groaning) I hate you.
Dean: I know you do.
Dean: Hey, it turns out when Grandma Rose was a tyke, she had a Creole nanny who wore a hoodoo necklace.
Sam: So you think she taught Rose hoodoo?
Dean: Yes I do.
Sam: All right. (gets up from toilet bowl, sighing heavily) I think it's time that we talked to Rose then.
Dean: (groans in disgust) You can brush your teeth first.
Dean: You know, she could be faking.
Sam: Yeah, what do you wanna do, poke her with a stick? (Dean nods) Dude, you are not gonna poke her with a stick!
Susan: What the hell happened out there?
Dean: You want the truth?
Susan: Of course.
Dean: Well at first we thought it was some kind of hoodoo curse. But that out there, was definitely a spirit.
Susan: You're insane.
Dean: That's been said.
Susan: I don't believe this.
Dean: Listen, sister, that car didn't try to run you down by itself, okay? I mean I guess it did, technically, but if a spirit can... forget it.
Tyler: I don't like it up here! I'm scared!
Maggie: It's okay, all you have to do is jump!
Tyler: (voice breaking) I can't swim!
Maggie: I know! But it won't hurt...I promise! And then we can be together and no-one will bother us!
Tyler: Why can't you just come with me and Mommy?
Maggie: Because I cam't leave here! (firmly) And you can't leave me! (sees her sad face then says softer) Please? I don't want to be alone!
Dean: Feels good to get back in the saddle, doesn't it?
Sam: Yeah. Yeah, it does. But it doesn't change what we talked about last night, Dean.
Dean: (evasive) We talked about a lotta things last night.
Sam: You know what I mean.
Dean: You were wasted.
Sam: But you weren't. And you promised.

Night Shifter [2.12]

Dean: Well, thanks, Frannie, I think that's all I need.
Frannie: Really? I mean, 'cause I've got more. You know, if you wanted to interview me... some time, in private...?
Dean: Yeah... Yeah, I think that's a good idea. You're a true patriot, you really are. Why don't you write your number down there for me, that'd be good.
Dean: Frigging cops.
Sam: They're just doing their job.
Dean: No, they're doing our job. Only they don't know it, so they suck at it.
Ronald: The thing I let into the bank... wasn't Juan. I mean, it had his face, but it wasn't his face. Ah, every detail was perfect but too perfect, you know, like i-if a dollmaker made it, like I was talking to a big Juan doll.
Sam: A Juan doll?
Ronald: Part man, part machine. Like the Terminator but the kind that can change itself. Make itself look like other people.
Dean: Like from T2.
Ronald: Exactly. See, so not not just a robot. More of a-a-a-a ‘'mandroid‘'.
Sam: A mandroid?
Dean: Man, that has got to be the kicker, straight up. I mean, you tell that poor son of a bitch that - - Wh-what did you say ? Remand the tapes he copied? Classified evidence of an ongoing investigation? That's messed up.
Sam: What, are you pissed at me or something?
Dean: No, I just think it's creepy how good of a fed you are. I mean come on, we could at least thrown the guy a bone. He did some pretty good legwork here.
Sam: [laugh] Mandroid?
Dean: Except for the mandroid part. I liked him. He's not that different from you and me. People think we're crazy.
Sam: Yeah, except he's not a hunter Dean. He's just a guy who stumbled onto something real. If he went up against this, he'd get torn apart. Better to stay in the dark and stay alive.
Dean: Yeah, I guess.
Sam: Shapeshifter. Just like back at St. Louis. Same retinal reaction to video.
Dean: Eyes flare at the camera. I hate those freaking things.
Sam: You think I don't?
Dean: Well yeah, but one didn't turn into you and frame you for murder.
Dean: I like him [the security guard], he says 'okey-dokey'.
Sam: What if he's the shifter?
Dean: Well, then we follow him home, put a silver bullet in his chest.
Dean: Looks like Mr. Okey-dokey is... okey-dokey.
Ronald: This is not a robbery! Everybody on the floor, now!
Dean: And you said we shouldn't bring guns.
Sam: I didn't know this was gonna happen, Dean.
Dean: Yeah, just let me do the talking. I don't think he likes you very much, Agent Johnson.
Ronald: I knew it. As soon as you two left. You ain't FBI. Who are you? Who are you working for, huh? The Men in Black? You working for the mandroid ?
Sam: We're not working for the mandroid.
Ronald: You shut up! I ain't talking to you, I don't like you!
Sam: Fair enough.
Dean: I'm not just gonna walk in here naked!
Sherri: (about Dean) Who is that man?
Sam: He’s my brother.
Sherri: He is so brave! (Sam rolls eyes)
Ronald: It's so weird. Its robot skin is so lifelike.
Dean: Okay, let's get something straight. It's-it's not a mandroid. It's a shape-shifter.
Ronald: Shape-shifter?
Dean: Yeah. It's human. More or less. Has human drives, you know. In this case, it's money. But it generates its own skin. It can- it can shape it to match someone else's features. You know. Tall or short or male - -
Ronald: So, it kills someone and takes their place?
Dean: Kills 'em, doesn't kill 'em. I don't think it matters. [Taking a knife on the desk.]
Ronald: What are you doing?
Dean: Nice. Remember the old werewolf stories? Pretty much came from these guys. Silver is the only thing I've seen that hurts them. Come on, Ronald.
Dean: Are you nuts?
Ronald: That’s just it, I’m not nuts. I mean, I was so scared that I was losing my marbles, but this is real! I mean, I was right! Except for the mandroid thing, thank you.
Dean: Yeah, don’t mention it.
(Dean opens vault where hostages are being hidden)
Sherri: Oh my god! You saved us. You saved us!
Dean: Actually, I just found a few more. C'mon everybody, let's go, let's go. (pushes more hostages in)
Dean:Ron!!! Out of the light.
Police Officer: Crap.
Lt. Robarts: What?
Police Officer: The Feds are here.
Lt. Robarts: Ah crap.
Lt. Robarts: (about the Feds taking over the situation) Let me guess. You’re lead dog now, but you would just love my full cooperation.
Hendrickson: I don’t give a rat’s ass what you do. You can go get a doughnut and bang your wife for all I care.
Hendrickson:: [on the phone, in the command center] This is Special Agent Victor Hendrickson.
Dean: Yeah, listen, I'm not really in the negotiating mood right now.
Hendrickson: Good. Me neither.
Dean: So-
Hendrickson:It's my job to bring you in; alive's a bonus but not necessary.
Dean: Whoa. That's kinda harsh for a Federal Agent, don't you think?
Hendrickson: Well, you're not the typical suspect, are you, Dean? [Dean looks horrified] I want you and Sam out here, unarmed. Or we come in. And yes, I know about Sam, too. Bonnie to your Clyde.
Dean: Yeah, well, that part's true, but how'd you even know we were here?
Hendrickson: Go screw yourself, that's how I knew. It's become my job to know about you, Dean. I've been looking for you for weeks now. I know about the murder in St. Louis, I know about the Houdini act you pulled in Baltimore. I know about the desecrations and the thefts. I know about your dad.
Dean: [darkly] Hey, you don't know crap about my dad.
Hendrickson: Ex-marine, raised his kids on the road, cheap motels, backwood cabins. Real paramilitary survivalist type. I just can't get a handle on what type of whacko he was. White supremacist, Timmy McVeigh, to-may-to, to-mah-to.
Dean: You got no right talking about my dad like that. He was a hero.
Hendrickson: Yeah. Right. Sure sounds like it. You have one hour to make a decision or we come through those doors full automatic.
Dean: [pounds his forehead in frustration as he hangs up the phone.]
Dean: Is that community theater or are you naturally that good?
Dean: We are so screwed.

Houses of the Holy [2.13]

Sam: So, no disturbances lately?
Gloria: You mean am I stark raving cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs?
Sam: And this angel…
Gloria: Spoke God’s word.
Sam: And the word was… to kill someone?
Dean: Man, you gotta to try this because there really is magic in the magic fingers.
Sam: Dean. You're enjoying that way too much. It's kinda making me uncomfortable.
Sam: She's living in a locked ward, and she's totally at peace.
Dean: Oh yeah, you're right. Sounds completely sane.
Dean: You know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns, too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams, and they shoot rainbows out of their ass!
Sam: Wait. There's no such thing as unicorns?
Dean: That's cute.
Dean: I’m just saying, man, there’s some legends that you just...you file under “Bull Crap”.
Sam: And you got angels on the “Bull Crap” list?
Dean: Yep.
Sam: Why?
Dean: Because I’ve never seen one.
Sam: So what?
Dean: So, I believe in what I can see.
Sam: Dean, you and I have seen things most people couldn’t even dream about.
Dean: Exactly, with our own eyes. That’s hard proof, okay? But in all this time, I have never seen anything that looks like an angel. And don’t you think that if they existed, that we would have crossed paths with them, or at least know someone that crossed paths with them? No. This is a demon or a spirit. You know? they find people a few fries short of a Happy Meal and they trick them into killing these randoms.
Dean: Well, I think I learned a valuable lesson. Always take down your Christmas decorations after New Year's, or you might get filleted by hooker from God. HA!
Sam: I’m laughing on the inside.
Dean: Did you bring quarters? (Sam glances at the timer)
Sam: Dude, I'm not enabling your sick habit. You're like one of those lab rats that pushes the pleasure button instead of the food button until it dies.
Dean: What are you talkin' about, I eat!
Father Reynolds: So, you're interested in joining parish?
Dean: Yeah, well you know, we just don't feel right unless we hit church every Sunday. So-
Father Reynolds: Where'd you say you lived before?
Sam: Uh...
Dean: (interrupting) Freedmont, Texas.
Father Reynolds: Really? That's a nice town. St. Theresa's parish. You must know the priest there.
Dean: Sure, yeah... no, it's Father... O'Malley.
Father Reynolds: I know a Father Shaughnessy.
Dean: Shaughnessy. Exactly...what did I say?
Dean: Look, I’ll admit, I’m a bit of a skeptic. But since when are you all Mr. 700 Club? No, seriously, from the get-go, you’ve been willing to buy this angel crap, man. What's next, you're going to start praying everyday?
Sam: I do.
Dean: What?
Sam: I do pray everyday. I have for a long time.
Dean: Things you learn about a guy.
Sam: Dean, I saw an angel! (Dean offers him flask) I don’t want a drink.
Sam: It appeared before me and I just... this feeling washed over me. You know? Like peace. Like grace.
Dean: Okay, ecstasy boy. Maybe we’ll get you some glow sticks and a nice Dr. Seuss hat.
Sam: Dean, the angel hasn’t been wrong yet! Someone’s gonna do something awful, and I can stop it!
Dean: You know, you’re supposed to be bad, too, Sam. Maybe, maybe I should just stop you right now.
Sam: You know what, Dean, I don’t understand! Why can’t you even consider the possibility?
Dean: What, that this is an angel?
Sam: Yes! Maybe we’re hunting an angel here, and we should stop! Maybe this is God’s will!
Dean: Okay, all right. You know what? I get it. You’ve got faith. That's-hey, good for you. I’m sure it makes things easier. I’ll tell you who else had faith like that –- Mom. She used to tell me when she’d tuck me in that angels were watching over us. In fact, that was the last thing she ever said to me.
Sam: You never told me that.
Dean: What’s to tell? She was wrong. There was nothing protecting her. There’s no higher power, there’s no God. There’s just chaos and violence and random, unpredictable evil that comes out of nowhere. It rips you to shreds. So, you want me to believe in this stuff? I’m gonna need to see some hard proof. You got any?
Dean: We’ll summon Gregory’s spirit.
Sam: What? Here? In the church?
Dean: Yeah. You know, we just, we need a few odds and ends, and that séance ritual in Dad’s journal.
Sam: Ha! A séance, great. I hope Whoopi’s available.
Dean: If Father Gregory's spirit is around, the séance will bring him right to us. If it's him, then we'll put him to rest.
Sam: What if it's an angel? It won't show, nothing will happen.
Dean: Exactly. It's one of the perks of the job, Sam, we don't have to operate on faith. We can know for sure. Don't you want to know for sure?
Sam: Dude, all right, I'll admit, we've gone pretty ghetto with spell work before, but this takes the cake! I mean, a Spongebob placemat instead of an altar cloth?!
Dean: We'll just put it Spongebob-side down.
Father Reynolds: What are you doing? What is this?
Sam: Father, please, I can explain. Um... actually, maybe I can’t. Um, this is, uh, a séance.
Father Reynolds: A séance? Young man, you are in a house of God!
Sam: It’s based on early Christian rites if that helps any.
Father Reynolds: Enough! (grabs Sam's arm and starts leading him back to the main church) You're coming with me. (a bright light starts shining, behind them)
Father Reynolds: You are not an angel, Thomas. Men cannot be angels.
Father Reynolds: I prayed for God’s help, not this. What you’re doing is not God’s will. Thou shalt not kill. That’s the word of God.
Sam: I don’t know, Dean, I just, uh... I wanted to believe so badly. It’s so damned hard to do this, what we do. All alone, you know. And…there’s so much evil out in the world, Dean, I feel like I could drown in it. And when I think about my destiny, when I think about how I could end up…
Dean: Yeah, well, don’t worry about that, all right? I’m watching out for you.
Sam: Yeah, I know you are. But you’re just one person, Dean. And I needed to think that there was something else watching too, you know? Some higher power, some greater good. And that maybe I…
Dean: Maybe what?
Sam: Maybe I could be saved.
Sam: Dean, what did you see?
Dean: Maybe... God's will.

Born Under A Bad Sign [2.14]

Sam: I don’t think it’s my blood.
Dean: Whose is it?
Sam: I don’t know.
Dean: Sam, what the hell happened?
Sam: Dean…I don’t remember anything.
Sam: What’d you find out?
Dean: You checked in two days ago under the name Richard Sambora. Of course, I think the scariest part about this whole thing is the fact that you’re a Bon Jovi fan.
(referring to an old, beat-up VW bug)
Dean: Oh, please tell me you didn’t steal this.
Dean: You getting any goose bumps yet? God-this-looks-familiar, déjà vu vibes?
Dean: This guy? (to Sam) You were drinking malt liquor?
Clerk: Not after he whipped the bottle at my friggin’ head!
Dean: This guy?
Clerk: Wh-what, am I speaking Urdu?...
Clerk: Why don’t you ask him?
Dean: ‘Cause I’m asking you. Now, please, you’d be doing me a huge favor, okay?
Clerk: Oh, do you a favor? Well, that is what I live for.
Dean: You saw him (Sam) smoking?
Clerk: Yeah, guy’s a chimney.
Dean: What’s going on with you, Sam? Hm? ‘Cause smoking, throwing bottles at people –- I mean, that sounds more like me than you.
Dean: You never told me this.
Sam: I didn’t want to scare you.
Dean: Well, bang up job on that.
Dean: No one can control you but you.
Sam: It sure doesn’t seem like that, Dean. It feels like no matter what I do, slowly but surely, I'm-I’m just becoming—
Dean: What?
Sam: Who I’m meant to be. I mean, you said it once yourself, Dean. I’ve gotta face up to who I am.
Dean: I didn’t mean this!
Sam: But it’s still true! You know that! Dad knew that, too! That’s why he told you if it ever came to this—
Dean: Shut up, Sam!
Sam: Dean, you promised him. You promised me.
Dean: No. Listen to me. We’re gonna figure this out, okay? I mean, there’s gotta be a way, right?
Sam: Yeah, there is. [He takes his gun from his bag and holds it out to Dean.] I don’t wanna hurt anyone else. I don’t wanna hurt you.
Dean: You won’t. Whatever this is…you can fight it.
Sam: No. I can’t. Not forever. [He begins to tear up.] Here, you’ve gotta do it. [He puts the gun in Dean’s hand]
Dean: You know, I’ve tried so hard to keep you safe.
Sam: I know. [Dean pauses for a long time, looking at the gun.]
Dean: I can’t. [beat] I’d rather die. [He drops the gun on the floor.]
Sam: No. You’ll live. [He picks up a second gun and turns to Dean.] You’ll live to regret this. [He knocks Dean out with the gun and leaves the room.]
Manager: It’s past checkout and I’ve got a couple here who needs a room.
Dean: (looks at hooker and customer in hall) Yeah, I bet they do.
Dean: (talking on the phone) Hi, so sorry to bother you but, my son snuck out of the house last night and went to a Justin Timberlake concert.. What?.. yeah.. Justin is quite the triple threat.
Sam: (sing-song to Jo) My daddy shot your daddy in the head.
Dean: Sam!
Sam: I begged you to stop me, Dean!
Dean: Put the knife down, damn it!
Sam: I told you, I can’t fight it! My head feels like it’s on fire, all right?! Dean, kill me, or I’m gonna kill her! Please! You’d be doing me a favor. Shoot me. Shoot me! [Dean pauses a long time, ready to shoot.]
Dean: No, Sammy, come on. [He lowers the gun.]
Sam: What the hell is wrong with you, Dean? Are you that scared of being alone that you’d rather let Jo die?!
Dean: Why didn’t you kill me? You had a dozen chances.
Meg possessing Sam: Naw, that would have been too easy. Where’s the fun in that? See, this was a test. I wanted to see if I could push you far enough to waste Sam. Should’ve known you wouldn’t have the sack. Anyway, fun’s over now.
Meg possessing Sam: One look at Sam's dewy, sensitive eyes, they'll let me right in their door.
Dean: I'll call you later, okay? (leaves)
Jo: No, you won't.
Bobby: Where’s Dean?
Meg possessing Sam: Holed up somewhere with a girl and a twelve-pack.
Bobby: Yeah? Is she pretty?
Meg possessing Sam: You ask me, he’s in way over his head.
Bobby: Don't try and con a con man
Meg possessing Sam: Dean, back from the dead. Getting to be a regular thing for you, isn't it? Like a cockroach.
Dean: How ‘bout I smack that smartass right outta your mouth?
Meg possessing Sam: Oh, careful now. Wouldn’t wanna bruise this fine packaging.
Meg possessing Sam: Sam’s still my meat puppet. I’ll make him bite off his tongue.
Dean: No, you won’t be in him long enough. Bobby? [Bobby starts chanting an exorcism] See, whatever bitch-boy master plan you demons are cooking up –- [Sam screams in pain] –- you’re not getting Sam. You understand me? ‘Cause I’m gonna kill every one of you first.
Meg possessing Sam: You really think that’s what this is about? The master plan? I don’t give a rat’s ass about the master plan.
Meg possessing Sam: You know, when people wanna describe the worst possible thing, they say, “It’s like hell.” [He punches Dean.] Well, there’s a reason for that. Hell is like –- [he punches Dean again] -- well, it’s like hell. Even for demons. [Another punch.] It’s a prison made of bone and flesh and blood and fear. [Another punch.] And you sent me back there.
Dean: Meg.
Meg possessing Sam: No. Not anymore. Now, I’m Sam. [Another punch.] By the way –- [he grabs Dean’s shoulder, where Dean has a very tender bullet wound] –- I saw your dad there. He says, “Howdy.” All that I had to hold onto was that I would climb out one day, and that I was gonna torture you, nice and slow. Like pulling the wings off an insect. But whatever I do to you, it’s nothing compared to what you do to yourself, is it? I can see it in your eyes, Dean. You’re worthless. You couldn’t save your dad. And deep down…you know that you can’t save your brother. They’d have been better off without you.
Dean: Sammy...
Sam: (demon had just left Sam's body): Did I miss anything?
(Dean punches him)
Sam: By the way, you really look like crap, Dean.
Dean: Yeah, right back at ya.
Bobby: Here, take these.
Sam: What are they?
Bobby: Charms. They'll fend off possession. That demon's still out there. This'll stop it from getting back up in ya.
Dean: That sounds vaguely dirty, but er, thanks.
Dean: You OK?
Sam: [doesn't answer]
Dean: Sam? Is that you in there?
Sam: No matter what I did, you wouldn't shoot.
Dean: It was the right move, Sam. It wasn't you.
Sam: Yeah, this time. What about next time?
Dean: Sam, when Dad told me... that I might have to kill you, it was only if I couldn't save you. Now, if it's the last thing I do, I'm gonna save you.
Dean: [starts to laugh]
Sam: What?
Dean: [continues to laugh] Nothing.
Sam: Dean! What!?
Dean: Dude, you [chuckles] you like full on had a girl up inside of you for like a week. [both laugh]That's pretty naughty.

Tall Tales [2.15]

Sam: Dude you mind not eating those on my bed?
Dean: No, I don't mind. How’s the research going?
Sam: You know how it’s going? Slow. You know how it would go a heck of a lot faster? If I had my computer.
Dean: Mm.
Sam: Can you turn that down, please?
Dean: Yeah, absolutely. [He raises the volume louder.]
Sam: You know what? Maybe you should just go somewhere for a while, huh?
Dean: [turning the music off] Hey, I’d love to. That’s a great idea. Unfortunately, my car’s all screwed to hell.
Jen: So now she haunts the building, and anyone who sees her… they don’t live to tell the tale.
Curtis: Well, if no one lives to tell the tale, then how does the tale get told?
Dean: Woah, woah, woah, woah... hold on a minute!!
Sam: What?
Dean: C'mon dude, that's not how it happened!
Sam: No? So you never drank a purple nurple?
Dean: Yeah maybe that, but I don't say things like "fiesty little wildcat" and her name wasn't Starla.
Sam: Then what was it?
Dean: (pauses) I don't know... but she was a classy chick. She was a grad student. Anthropology and folklore. We were talking about local ghost stories.
Starla: My God, you are attractive!
Dean: Thanks. But no time for that now. You need to tell me about this urban legend. Please? Lives are at stake.
Starla: [staring at Dean] I’m sorry, I just… I can’t even concentrate. It’s like staring…into the sun.
Sam: Dean. this is a very serious investigation. We don't have time for any of your blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah... blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah!
Bobby: You're bickering like an old married couple.
Dean: No, see, married couples can get divorced. Me and him? We're like, Siamese twins.
Sam: [angry] It's conjoined twins.
Dean: See what I mean?
Trickster: Mr. Morality here, he brought a lot of girls up here. Got more ass than a toilet seat.
Sam: Dude... were you on my computer?
Dean: ...no...
Sam: Oh really? 'Cause it's frozen now, on...uh bustyasianbeauties.com?
Sam:Dean! Would you just –- don’t touch my stuff anymore, okay?
Dean: Why don’t you control your OCD?
Dean: You’ve gotta give those Purple Nurples a shot!
Curtis: They did tests on me, and um…[he takes a shot] –- they, uh…they probed me. [Dean and Sam try not to laugh.]
Dean: They probed you?
Curtis: Yeah. They probed me. Again and again and again and –- [takes a shot] –- and again and again and again and then one more time.
Dean: [deadpan] Yikes.
Curtis: And that's not even the worst of it.
Dean: How could it get any worse? Some alien made you his bitch!
Curtis: They… they made me…slow dance!
Sam: I’m telling you, Dean. This was made by some kind of jet engine.
Dean: What? You mean some saucer-shaped jet engine?
Sam: Look, man, I know this all has to be so hard.
Frat Boy: Um, not so much...
Sam: But I want you to know…I’m here for you. You brave little soldier! I acknowledge your pain. C’mere… [hugs frat boy] You’re too precious for this world!
(cuts back to Sam and Dean telling the story to Bobby)
Sam: I never said that!
Dean: You're always saying pansy stuff like that.
Dean: These punishments, they’re almost poetic. Well, actually they’d be more like a limerick, but still…
Dean: Why would I take your computer?
Sam: Because no one else could have, Dean. We keep the door locked, we never let any maids in.
Dean: [smirking] Looks like you lost it, Poindexter.
Sam: Dude, you know something? I put up with a lot from you.
Dean: What are you talking about? I’m a joy to be around!
Sam: Yeah? Your dirty socks in the sink? Your food in the fridge?
Dean: What’s wrong with my food?
Sam: It’s not food any more, Dean! It’s Darwinism!
Dean: [to himself] I like it.
Sam: How would you feel if I screwed with the Impala?
Dean: It'd be the last thing you ever did.
Bobby: Did you take his computer?
Dean: It serves him right, but no.
Sam: Well, I didn’t lose it. ‘Cause I don’t lose things.
Dean: Oh, that’s right. Yeah, ‘cause he’s Mister Perfect.
Dean: This couldn’t get any weirder.
Sam: Yeah, maybe we should get some help. I’ll call Bobby. Maybe he’s run into something like this before.
Dean: Oh, I’m sure he has. It’s just your typical haunted campus, alien abduction, alligator-in-the-sewer gig. Yeah, it’s simple.
Sam: Hey, give me back my money.
Dean: Oh, no. No. Consider it reparations for emotional trauma.
Sam: Yeah, very funny. Now give it back. [He tries to grab it, but Dean swipes it away.]
Dean: No.
Sam: Dean, I have had it up to here with you.
Dean: Yeah, right back at ya.
[Sam tries again to grab the money, but Dean keeps it out of reach. Sam keeps grabbing until they both fall onto the bed, wrestling for the money.]
Dean: Get off me!
Sam: Give it back!
Bobby: I’m surprised at you two. I really am. Sam, first off –- Dean did not steal your computer.
Sam: But I—
Bobby: Shh! And Dean, Sam did not touch your car.
Sam: Yeah!
Bobby: And if you two bothered to pull your heads out of your asses, it all would’ve been pretty clear.
Dean: What?
Bobby: What you’re dealing with.
Sam: Uh…
Dean: I’ve got nothing.
Sam: Me neither.
Bobby: You’ve got a Trickster on your hands.
Dean: [snapping his fingers] That’s what I thought.
Sam: What? No, you didn’t!
Dean: Look man, I gotta tell you, I dig your style, Alright. I mean, I do. I mean… phew! And the, uh, the slow dancing alien...
Trickster: One of my personal favorites.
Sam: Look, Dean, um, I just wanna say, that I'm, uh...um...
Dean: Hey... me too.
Bobby: You guys are breaking my heart. Can we please just leave?!

Roadkill [2.16]

Molly: Isn't this argument a little archaic? Men can ask directions these days.
David: No we can't. It's against our genetic code.
Dean: Did he look like he... lost a fight with a lawnmower?
Molly: How did you know that?
Dean: Lucky guess.
Sam: It wasn't a coincidence that we found you, all right.
Molly: What are you talking about?
Dean: We weren't just cruisin' for chicks when we ran into you, sister, we were already out here... hunting.
Molly: Hunting for what?
Dean: (pauses) Ghosts.
Sam: (sarcastically) Don't sugarcoat it for her.
Dean: Follow the creepy brick road.
Dean: You know, just once I'd like to round the corner and see a nice house.
Molly: I don't understand how a guy like this can turn into that monster.
Sam: Well, spirits like Greely are like wounded animals. Lost... in so much pain they... that they lash out.
Molly: Why? Why are they here?
Sam: There's some part of them that... that's keeping them here. Like their remains, or unfinished business.
Molly: Unfinished business?
Sam: Yeah. It could be revenge. It could be love, or hate. Whatever it is, they just hold on too tight. Can't let go. So they're trapped. Caught in the same loops. Replaying the same tragedies over and over.
Molly: You sound almost sorry for them.
Sam: Well, they weren't evil people, you know. A lot of them were good, just something happened to them. Something they couldn't control.
Dean: Sammy's always gettin' a little J. Love Hewitt when it comes to this. Me, I don't like 'em. And I'm sure as hell ain't makin' apologies for 'em.
Dean: It smells like old lady in here.[after seeing the corpse] And that would explain why.
Sam: It's an old country custom, Dean, planting a tree as a grave marker.
Dean: [Pauses] You're like a walking encyclopedia of weirdness.
Sam: Yeah, I know.
Molly: [after Dean saves her from Greely] Oh, thank God!
Dean: Call me Dean.
Sam: Dean, I don't think she knows she's dead.
Sam: Look if you wanna go in there, we're not gonna stop you.
Dean: Yeah, but you are gonna freak him right out.. for life.
Dean: I guess she wasn't so bad. For a ghost. You think she's really going to a better place?
Sam: I hope so.
Dean: I guess we'll never know. Not until we take the plunge ourselves, huh?
Sam: It doesn't really matter, Dean. Hope's kind of the whole point.
Dean: Well alright, Haley Joel, let's hit the road.

Heart [2.17]

Dean: And the lunar cycles?
Sam: Uh-huh. Yeah, month after month all the murders happen in the week leading up to the full moon.
Dean: Which is this week, right?
Sam: Hence the lawyer.
Dean: Awesome.
Sam: Dean, could you be a bigger geek about this?
Dean: I'm sorry man, but what about a human by day, a freak animal killing machine by moonlight don't you understand? I mean, werewolves are badass. We haven't seen one since we were kids.
Sam: Okay, Sparky. And you know what? After we kill it, we can go to Disneyland!
[The Brothers are interviewing Madison about her boss]
Madison: You got a few scotches in him and he started hitting on anyone in a five mile radius. You know the type.
Sam: [glances at Dean] Yeah, I do.
[The Brothers are checking Madison's boyfriend's apartment]
Sam: Anything?
Dean: Nah, nothin' but leftovers and a six-pack.
Sam: Check the freezer. Maybe there's some human hearts behind the Haagen Daz or something.
Dean: You go after the creepy ex. I'm gonna hang here with the hot chick.
Sam: Dude, why do you get always get to hang out with the girls?
Dean: Because I'm older.
Sam: No, screw that. We settle this the old fashion way. [They do rock, paper, scissors. Dean chooses scissors and loses.] Dean always with the scissors.
Dean: Shut up, shut up. Two out of three! [They do rock paper scissors again and Dean chooses scissors and loses again.]
[Sam and Madison have just finished watching a few episodes of All My Children, which Sam seems to be enthralled with]
Sam: Wait, so, so Kendall married Ethan's father just to get back at him?
Madison: Yup and now she's set to inherit all the casinos that were supposed to go to Ethan.
Sam: What a bitch!
[At a strip club]
Dean: I found him.
Sam: Good?! Don't take your eyes off of him.
[Dean takes a glance past the stripper whose dancing in front of him to Madison's ex-boyfriend. Then he looks back at the stripper.]
Dean: Oh yeah, my eyes are glued.
Dean: [Walks in and sees Madison tied to a chair.] How you doing? My head feels great, thanks.
Sam: She says she has no idea what I'm talking about.
Dean: She's lying.
Sam: Or maybe she really doesn't know she's changing, you know? Maybe...maybe when the creature takes over, she blacks out.
Dean: Like a really hot Incredible Hulk. Come on dude, she ganked her boss and her ex-boyfriend. That doesn't sound rash and unconscious.
Sam: Yeah, but what if it was Dean? I mean, what if some animal part of her brain saw both of those guys as threats? Hell the cop, too.
Dean: What are you the dog whisperer now?
Madison: You know for a stake out, your car's a bit conspicuous. What are you still doing here?
Dean: Honestly? Ah...We're pretty sure you're not gonna turn tonight, but we gotta be 100%. So...You know, we're...lurking.

Hollywood Babylon [2.18]

Dean: Sammy, check it out. It's Matt Damon.
Sam: Yeah, pretty sure that's not Matt Damon.
Dean: No, it is.
Sam: Well, Matt Damon just picked up a broom and started sweeping.
Dean: Yeah, well he's probably researching a role or something.
Sam: They're saying the set's haunted.
Dean: Like |Poltergeist?
Sam: It could be a poltergeist.
Dean: No, no, no, the movie Poltergeist... You know nothing of your cultural heritage, do you?
Dean: What's a PA?
Sam: I think they're kinda like slaves.
McG: Marty, what do you think?
Martin: Not married to salt, what do you want? We still sticking with condiments?
McG: Just sounds different, not better. What else would a ghost be scared of?
Walter Dixon: Aww, ya gotta be kidding me.
Martin: [Aside] What would a ghost be scared of?
Martin: Maybe shotguns.
McG: K, that makes even less sense than salt.
Dean: This map is totally worth the five bucks. Hey, we gotta go check out Joey Ramone's grave when we're done.
Sam: You wanna dig him up too?
Dean: Bite your tongue, heathen.
Sam: You know, maybe the spirits are trying to shut down the movie because they think it sucks. 'Cause, I mean, it kinda does.
Martin: (after Dean saves his life) You are one hell of a P.A.
Dean: (Imitating John McClane) Come out to the coast. We'll get together. Have a few laughs.
Tara: (after Dean leaves her trailer) You're one hell of a P.A.

Folsom Prison Blues [2.19]

Dean: (Taking a mug shot photo) I call this one my Blue Steel.
Dean: Well it's about time. I'll have a cheeseburger...extra onions.
Hendrickson: You think you're funny.
Dean: I think I'm adorable.
Dean: (walking into the prison) Don't worry, Sam. I promise I won't trade you for smokes.
Sam: (asking about Mark Moody, the guy Dean consider to be the ghost) You're sure it's him?
Dean: Pretty sure.
Sam: Dean, considering our circumstances I'm gonna need a little bit better than 'pretty sure'.
Dean: Really pretty sure.
Criminal: Are you talking to me? I said are you talking to me?
Dean: Oh great, another guy who's seen Taxi Driver one to many times.
Dean: I said I wish I had a baseball. You know, like Steve McQueen.
Lucas: Yeah? Well, I wish I had a bat. So to bash your freaking head in.
Dean: Yeah. So much for the bonding solitary moment.
Randall: Why're you inside kid?
Sam: Cause I got an idiot for a brother.
Randall: That'll do it.
Dean: (after winning a poker game and collecting the won cigarettes) It's like picking low hanging fruit.
Sam: You don't even smoke.
Dean: Are you kidding me? It's the currency of the realm.
Dean: How we gonna get in?
Sam: I got a plan.
Dean: That's the Sammy I know. Come on, man, you're like Clint Eastwood from 'Escape from Alcatraz'.
Sam: The problem is even if we do find something, how are we gonna burn it? We don't have any accelerant.
Dean: It's a good thing I'm like James Garner from 'The Great Escape'. (continues collecting the cigarettes)
Dean: (asking about Sam's distracting attention plan) Are you sure about this?
Sam: "Pretty sure."
Dean: "Considering the circumstances I'd like a little better than 'pretty sure'."
Sam: "Okay... really pretty sure"
Dean: (lining for noodles) I'd like mine al dente.
Dean: Save room for dessert, Tiny, hehehe. Hey, I'd wanna ask you, 'cos I couldn't help but notice that you are two tons of fun. Just curious, is it like thyroid problem or is this some deep seeded self-esteem issue? 'Cause you know, they're just donuts, they're not love.
Dean: (Talking about a guy who was killed) Poor Tiny, man. Poor giant Tiny.
(After Dean tells Sam that the ghost chased after him.)
Sam: Dean, does it bother you at all how easily you seem to fit in here?
Dean: No, not really.
Deacon: (breaking up Sam and Dean's fight, grabs Dean) Alright, hard case, I see the usual methods ain't gonna work with you. (throws Dean at another guard who handcuffs him, grabs Sam by his collar) You too, sweetheart.
Dean: (receiving letter from the lawyer) Would you look at that? I am freaking velvety smooth.
Sam: You maybe wanna open it up after, you know, you're done slapping yourself on the back?
Dean: (after finding Impala outside the prison) Oh man, are you a sight for sore eyes.
Sam: I thought we were screwed before.
Dean: Yeah, yeah, I know, we gotta go deep this time.
Sam: Deep? Dean, we should go to Yemen!
Dean: I'm not sure I'm ready to go that deep.

What Is And What Should Never Be [2.20]

Sam: Dean?
Dean: Sam.
Sam: What's going on?
Dean: I don't know. I don't know where I am.
Sam: What? What happened?
Dean: The Djinn, it.. it attacked me.
Sam: The Gin? You're drinking Gin?
Professor: Well, I don't think I've seen you in my class before.
Dean: Are you kiddn' me? I love your lectures. You... [thinks, grinning] ... you make learning fun.
[repeated line to Dean] Have you been drinking?
(Sam, his mother, Professor, Carmen)
Dean: How did I end up with such a cool chick?
Carmen: I just got low standards.
Dean: We don't? Well, we should. I mean, you're my brother.
Sam: You're my brother?
Dean: Yeah!
Sam: You know, that's what you said when you snaked my ATM card, or when you bailed on my graduation, or when you hooked up with Rachel Nayv.
Dean: Who?
Sam: Uh, my prom date. On prom night.
Dean: [under his breath] Yeah, that does kinda sound like me.
Dean: I'm dating a nurse. That is so...respectable.
Dean: [to his Dad's grave] So go hunt the Djinn. It put you here, it could put you back. Your happiness for all these people's lives. No contest. Right? But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero? What about us, huh? What, Mom's not supposed to live her life, Sammy's not supposed to get married.. Why do we have to sacrifice everything, Dad? It's [long pause] yeah.. [walks away]
Dean: [Sam hears someone downstairs and goes looking with a baseball bat. Dean puts him down] That was so easy, I'm embarrassed for you.
Dean: Bitch.
Sam: What are you calling me a bitch for?
Dean: You're supposed to say Jerk.
Sam: What?
Dean: ... never mind.
Sam: I thought it was supposed to be this perfect fantasy.
Dean: It wasn't. It was just a wish. I wished for Mom to live. Mom never died, we never went hunting and you and me just never... ya know.
Sam: Well, I'm glad we do.

All Hell Breaks Loose, Part 1 [2.21]

Dean: Don't forget the extra onions this time!
Sam: Dude, I'm the one who's gonna have to ride in the car with your extra onions.
Dean: Hey, see if they've got any pie. Bring me some pie. Love me some pie.
Sam: I have visions. I see things before they happen.
Ava: Yeah. Me, too.
Andy: Yeah, and I can put thoughts into people's heads. Like, make them do stuff. Oh, but don't worry, I don't think it works on you guys. Oh, but get this -- I've been practicing. Training my brain, like meditation. Right? So now, it's not just thoughts I can beam out, but images, too. Like, anything I want. It's just like: Bam! They see it. This one guy I know -- total dick, right? I used it on him: gay porn. All hours of the day. [laughs] It was just like...you should have seen the look on his face.
Jake: Salt is a weapon?
Sam: It's a brave new world.
Andy: (reading Dean's receipt) D. Hasselhoff?
Sam: Yeah. It's Dean's signature. It's hard to explain.
Dean: (just had a vision) That was about as fun as getting kicked in the jewels.
Sam: I thought we were supposed to be...
Azazel: Soldiers? In the coming war? That's true. You are. But here's the thing. I don't need soldiers. I need... soldier. I just need the one.
Azazel: (To Sam) You're though, you're smart, you're well-trained; thanks to your daddy. Sam, Sammy, you're my favourite!"
Sam: What about my mom?
Azazel: That was bad luck.
Sam: Bad luck?
Azazel: She walked in... on us, wrong place wrong time.
Sam: What does that mean?
Azazel: It wasn’t about her, it was about you, its always been about you.
Dean: (to Sam as he's dying, seeing the wound) Look at me. It's not even that bad. It's not even that bad, alright? Sammy? Sam! Hey! Listen to me. We're going to patch you up, okay? You'll be as good as new. Huh? I'm gonna take care of you? I'm going to take care of you; I've got you, that's my job, right? Watch after my pain in the ass little brother. (realizes Sam is already dead) Sam? Sam? Sam?! Sammy?! No. No, no, no, no. Oh no come on. Oh God. (pulls Sam's body against his and yells) SAM!

All Hell Breaks Loose, Part 2 [2.22]

Bobby: I gotta admit, I could use your help. Something big is going down... End-of-the-world-big...
Dean: [shouting] Well, then let it end!
Azazel: Howdy, Jake.
Jake: I - I'm dreaming, aren't I.
Azazel: I got a genius on my hands. Well congratulations, Jake, you're it. Last man standing. The American Idol. I have to admit, you weren't the horse I was bettin' on. But still, I gotta give it to you.
Jake: [scared] Go... to hell.
Azazel: Been there. Done that.
Dean: [to Sammy, before going to Crossroads] You know, when we were little, you couldn't have been more than five, you'd just started asking questions. How come we didn't have a mom; why do we always have to move around; where'd Dad go.. when he'd take off for days at a time. I remember I begged you, quit askin' Sammy, man, you don't wanna know. I just wanted you to be a kid. Just for a little while longer. I always tried to protect you, keep you safe. Dad didn't even have to tell me. This was always my responsibility, you know. It's like, I had one job. I had one job. And I screwed it up. I blew it. And for that I'm sorry. I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down, and now I guess I'm just supposed to let you down too. How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do? Sammy... God... What am I supposed to do? [screams] What am I supposed to do?
Bobby: (about Sam being alive) What did you do? [Dean doesn't answer, Bobby grabs and shakes him] What did you do? You made a deal for Sam didn't you? How long did they give you?
Dean: Bobby...
Bobby: How long!
Dean: One year.
Bobby: Damn it, Dean!
Dean: Which is why we gotta find this yellow-eyed son of a bitch. Its why I'm gonna kill him myself. I mean,I got nothing to lose now, right?
Bobby: [grabs Dean again] I could throttle you!
Dean: What? And send me downstairs ahead of schedule?
Azazel: [to Dean] How certain are you that what you brought back is 100% pure Sam? You of all people should know that: "What's dead should stay dead."
Azazel: [about to kill Dean with the Colt] I couldn't have done it without your pathetic, self-loathing, self-destructive desire to sacrifice yourself for your family!
[The spirit of John Winchester appears and overpowers Azazel long enough for Dean to retrieve the Colt and kill him with it. Dean and Sam share an emotional moment with their father before he disappears]
Sam: [Standing over Azazel's dead body] I kinda can't believe it Dean. I mean, our whole lives, everything, has been prepping for this. And now I...I kinda don't know what to say.
Dean: I do. [to Azazel's body] That was for our ma, you son of a bitch!
Sam: How long do you get?
Dean: One year. I get one year.
Sam: You shouldn't have done that. How could you do that?
Dean: Don't get mad at me. Don't you do that. I had to look out for you. That's my job!
Sam: And what do you think my job is?
Dean: What?
Sam: You save my life! Over and over! Man, you sacrifice everything for me! Don't you think I'd do the same for you? You're my big brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.
Dean: [Drops the spent Colt in the trunk] We got work to do.

Season 3

The Magnificent Seven [3.1]

Bobby: Where's your brother?
Sam: Polling the electorate.
Bobby: What?
Sam: Never mind.
Sam: Let me see your knife.
Dean: What for?
Sam: So I can gouge my eyes out. (laughs)
Dean: It was a beautiful, natural act, Sam.
Sam: That's a part of you I never wanted to see, Dean.
Bobby: So, we're eating bacon cheeseburgers for breakfast, are we?
Dean: Well, sold my soul. Got a year to live. I ain't sweatin' the cholesterol
Isaac: A family that slays together...
Isaac: I've locked my keys in the car, turned my laundry pink... never brought on the end of the world, though.
Sam: Dean, what're you doing?
Dean: Comforting the bereaved. What're you doing?
Sam: Workin'. Dead body, possible demon attack, that kinda stuff.
Dean: (fake coughing) Sam, I'm sorry. It's just, you know, I don't have much time left. And, uh... (more coughing) ...gotta make every second count.
Bobby: Did you boys find anything around here?
Sam: No sulfur, nothing.
Dean: Well, maybe something. (looks at security camera) See? I’m working.
Bobby: You sure this is the right place?
Dean: No. But I spent all day canvasing this stupid town with this guy's stupid mug, and supposedly he drinks at this stupid bar...
Sam: It's suicide, Dean!
Dean: So what? I'm dead already!
Bobby: Do you have any idea who we’re up against?
Dean: No, who?
Bobby: The Seven Deadly Sins, live and in the flesh.
Dean: (laughs) What’s in the box? (silence) Brad Pitt... Se7en... no? (shuts up as Bobby hits him with a book)
Dean: What do you want?
Envy: We already have what we want.
Dean: What’s that?
Envy: We’re out, we’re free. Thanks to you, my kind are everywhere.
Envy: Some people crochet, others golf. Me? I like to see people's insides on their outside.
Envy: You really think you’re better than me. Which one of you can cast the first stone, huh? What about you, Dean? You’re practically a...a walking billboard of gluttony and lust.
Sam: Look, if we’re going down, we’re going down together.
Bobby: (to Gluttony) "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son".
Dean: I suppose you're Lust.
Lust: Baby, I’m whatever you want me to be.
Dean: Yeah, alright. Just stay back.
Lust: Or what?
Dean: Good point.
Pride: Come on. You really think something like that is gonna fool someone like me? I mean me.
Sam: Let me guess. You're Pride.
Sam: Who the hell are you?
Ruby: I’m the girl that just saved your ass.
Dean: You look like hell warmed over.
Bobby: You try exorcising all night, see how you feel.
Sam: Any survivors, Bobby?
Bobby: Well, the pretty girl and the heavy guy, they’ll make it. A lifetime of therapy bills ahead, but still…
Dean: I'm just gonna ask it again... who was that masked chick? Actually, the more troubling question would be, "How come a girl can fight better than you?"
Sam: Three demons, Dean... at once.
Dean: Hey, whatever it takes to get you through the night, pal.
Sam: If you want a troubling question I got one for ya.
Dean: What's that?
Sam: If we let out the Seven Deadly Sin's, what else did we let out?
Dean: (pause) You're right. That is troubling.
Sam: Hey Bobby, we can win this war, right?
Bobby: (silence) Catch you on the next one.
Sam: I've been bending over backwards trying to be nice to you, and... I don't care anymore.
Dean: That didn't last long.
Sam: You’re a hypocrite, Dean. How did you feel when Dad sold his soul for you? ‘Cause I was there. I remember. You were twisted and broken. And now you go and do the same thing… to me. What you did was selfish.
Dean: Yeah. You’re right. Was selfish. But I’m okay with that.
Sam: I’m not.
Dean: Tough. After everything I’ve done for this family, I think I’m entitled.
Dean: I don’t know. It’s like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
Sam: That’s hellfire, Dean.
Dean: Eh, whatever.
Dean: I got a year to live, Sam. I’d like to make the most of it. So what do you say we kill some evil sons of bitches and we raise a little hell, huh?
Sam: You’re unbelievable.
Dean: Very true.
Sam: We don't know how many of them there are!
Bobby: Yeah we do! There are seven of them!
Tamara: I don't give a rats ass if they're "the Three Stooges" or "the Four Tops"!

The Kids are Alright [3.2]

Sam: (trying to cover up his phone call) Oh, I was just ordering pizza.
Dean: Dude, you do realize that you’re in a restaurant?
Sam: Yeah! Oh, yeah, yeah... (lamely) I just felt like pizza, y’know?
Dean: Okay... Weirdy McWeirderton.
Sam: So let me get this straight. You want to drive all the way to Cicero just to hook up with some random chick?
Dean: She was a yoga teacher. That was the bendiest weekend of my life!
Sam: How many dying wishes are you going to get?
Dean: As many as I can squeeze out.
Dean: Come on, smile, Sam. God knows I'm going to be smiling after 24 hours with Gumby girl. (chuckles) Gumby Girl... does that make me Pokey?
Ben: (about the moon-bounce) You know who else thinks they're awesome? Chicks! It's like hot-chick city out there!
Ruby: (eating a French fry) Mmm, these are amazing. It's like deep fried crack. Try some.
Sam: That knife you had... you can kill demons with that thing?
Ruby: Sure comes in handy when I have to swoop in and save the damsel in distress.
Sam: Where'd you get it?
Ruby: Sky Mall.
Sam: Why are you following me?
Ruby: I'm interested in you.
Sam: Why?
Ruby: Because you're tall. I love a tall man!
Ben: No, don't go over there. Only bitches send a grown-up.
Dean: You're not wrong.
Ben: And I'm not a bitch.
Dean: (points to large kid with Ben's game) Is that Humphrey? The one that needs to lay off the burgers?
Dean: What? Somebody had to teach him to kick a bully in the nads.
Dean: We'll just bust in, drag the kids out, torch them in the front lawn. That'll play great with the neighbors.
Dean: Y’know how I never mentioned my job? This is my job.
Lisa: I so didn’t want to know that.
Lisa: Ben may not be your kid, but he wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you. That's a lot, if you ask me.
Dean: You know, just for the record, you got a great kid. I would have been proud to be his dad.
Sam: You're a demon!
Ruby: Don't be such a racist.
Sam: Why would you wanna help me?
Ruby: I have my reasons. Not all demons are the same, Sam. Not all of us want the same thing. Me? I wanna help you from time to time. That's all... And if you let me, there's something in it for you.
Sam: What could you possibly...
Ruby: I could help you save your brother.

Bad Day at Black Rock [3.3]

Kubrick: Don't play with my Jesus.
Dean: (reading from trophy) 1995.
Sam: No way. That's my Division Championship soccer trophy! I can't believe he kept this.
Dean: Yeah, it's probably the closest you ever came to being a boy. Oh, wow! It’s my first sawed-off. I made it myself. Sixth grade.
Sam: Hi, uh, table for two please.
Waiter: Congratulations!!!!
Dean: Exciting, I know.
Dean: Wow! You suck.
Dean: Sam? You okay?
Sam: (from the floor) Yeah, I'm good!
Sam: (despondently) I lost my shoe.
(Dean leads Sam into a motel room)
Sam: What am I even supposed to do, Dean?
Dean: Nothing, nothing! Come here. I don't want you doing- anything! I want you to sit right here, and don't move! Okay? Don't turn on the light, don't turn off the light, don't even scratch your nose!
Sam: (mouthing the words) scratch my nose? (checks to see that Dean has left, then scratches his nose)
Kubrick: I used to think your friend Gordon sent me.
Sam: (tied to a chair) Gordon-!? Oh, come on!
Kubrick: Yeah, 'cause he asked me to track you down... and put a bullet in your brain.
Sam: Great. That sounds like him.
Dean: So you’re only out for yourself, huh? It’s all about number one?
Bela: Being a hunter is so much more noble? A bunch of obsessed, revenge driven sociopaths trying to save a world that can’t be saved?
Dean: Well, aren’t you a glass half-full?
Dean: If it's any consolation, I think you're a truly awful person. (Bela shoots at Dean) See ya!
Dean: I'm Batman.
Sam: (sarcastically) Yeah, you're Batman.
Bela: (training a gun on Sam and Dean) Put the foot down honey!
Dean: You're not gonna shoot anybody. See, I happen to be able to read people. Okay, you're a thief, fine, but you're not gonna - (Bela shoots Sam) Son of a--!
Bela: Back off, tiger. Back off. You make one more move, and I'll pull the trigger. You've got the luck, Dean. You, I can't hit. But your brother? (aims the gun at him again) Him, I can't miss.
(pause)
Dean: What the hell is wrong with you?!?!?!?!
Bela: Relax it's just a shoulder hit! (sees Dean's face) I CAN aim!
Bela: Thanks very much. I'm now out one and a half million and on the bad side of a very powerful, fairly psychotic buyer
Dean: Wow... I really don't feel bad about that. Sam?
Sam: Nope. Not even a little.
Dean: Oh, don't go away angry. Just go away.
Dean: SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kubrik: Sam Winchester is more than a monster. He's the Adversary.
Gordon And what was it that convinced you?
Kubrik: God led me to him, and His will is clear.
Gordon: (nodding slowly) Okay. That's great. Glad to have you on board.

Sin City [3.4]

Dean: There’s got to be a demon or two in South Beach.
Sam: Sorry, Hef, maybe next time.
Dean: (about the Colt) So if we wanna go check out these omens in Ohio, think you can have that thing ready by this afternoon?
Bobby: Well, it won’t kill demons by then, but I can promise it’ll kill you.
Dean: (referring to Richie) No way he gets a girl like that. I mean, look at her. You could fit that ass on a nickel.
Sam: No offense, but what are you doing here, Father?
Father Gil: Like it or not, you go where your flock is.
Casey: Plus the clergy drinks for free.
Sam: You drink hurricanes?
Dean: I do now.
Richie: Wow, this is, er, charming. You sure you wouldn't be more comfortable in a bedroom, or, uh, my motel room? I mean, not for nothing, but you know... I got oils.
Casey: But I have toys.
Richie: Yeah, no, toys trump oils.
Sam: (on Dean not eating the hamburger in front of him) You do realize there is red meat within striking distance, right?
Ruby: Cute piece.
Bobby: Who are you?
Ruby: Won't stop a demon, if that's what you think.
Bobby: How the hell would you know?
Ruby: Oh, I don't know... (blackens her eyes) Call it an educated guess.
Bobby: Well, ain't I lucky then? Found a subject for a test fire...
(Bobby raises the Colt)
Ruby:(laughs)Luck had nothing to do with it. But hey, by all means, take your best shot.
(Bobby hesitates, Ruby becomes impatient)
Ruby: Ugh...are you gonna stand there like a pantywaist? Or are you gonna shoot-!
(Bobby shoots her, she looks down at the wound, then looks back at Bobby)
Ruby: Ouch. This smarts a little...
Bobby: What do you want?
Ruby: Peace on earth, a new shirt...Now, do you want me to help you out with that gun, or not?
Hooker: Normally I charge four hundred a night. Why don't we call it an even deuce, and get the hell out of here?
Dean: What do I look like?
Hooker: What do I look like? Cheapskate.
Casey: Did I just see you strike out with a prostitute? How's that work?
Dean: Oh, I forgot to mention, Richie was a friend of mine. When I realized I could track the GPS on his cell phone I swung by earlier, to give him a proper burial. It's better than rotting in some skank's basement.
Dean: What are you laughing at, bitch? You're still trapped.
Casey: So are you... bitch.
Dean: Why do you demons have such smart mouths.
Casey: It’s a gift.
Dean: (trying an exorcism from memory) Spiritus emundi, undalara, persona tote… (trails off, lost)
Casey: Nice try, but I think you just ordered a pizza. Guess you should have paid more attention in Latin class.
Dean: I don't know what you're smiling about, you're not going anywhere.
Casey: And apparently neither are you.
Dean: Yeah, but I got somebody coming for me and uh... he did pay attention in class.
Casey: Oh, right - Sam. Everyone say's he's the brains of the outfit.
Dean: Everyone?
Casey: Sure. You Winchester boys are famous. Not Lohan famous, but you know.
Bartender: What’s wrong with you? Think, I’m gonna give you a coworker’s address just so you can go over there and get your freaky peeping tom rocks off? (Sam hands him money) Corner of Piermont and Clinton. Have fun.
Casey: Why don't you relax?
Dean: Why don't you kiss my ass?
Casey: Why, Dean, you're a poet. I had no idea.
Casey: Hey, I didn't pull any triggers.
Dean: Yeah? You did something.
Casey: You want to know what I did -- what I really did? I had lunch.
Dean: Lunch?
Casey: Me and Trotter. He had a cheeseburger, I had a salad, and I just pointed out the money that could be made with a few businesses that cater to harmless vice. So Trotter built it, and, man, did they come. Supposedly god-fearing folk, waist-deep in booze, sex, gambling. I barely lifted a finger.
Dean: That's it?
Casey: You don't get it. All you got to do is nudge humans in the right direction. Some whiskey here, a hooker there, and they'll walk right into hell with big,fat smiles on their faces. Your kind is corrupt, Dean. Weak. Our will's stronger. That's why we'll win.
Dean: And that's how it ends?
Casey: No. That's how it begins.
Casey: (to Dean) I mean this past century, you people racked up a body count that amazed even us. It's our turn now. And we're gonna do it right this time.
Casey: So you see? Is my kind really all that different than yours?
Dean: Well, except that, uh, demons are evil.
Casey: And humans are such a lovable bunch. Dick Cheney.
Dean: He one of yours?
Casey: Not yet. But let's just say he's got a parking spot reserved for him downstairs.
Casey: Why, Dean. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that’s lust in your eyes. Well, it would be one way to spend the time. But I don’t think you’d respect me in the morning.
Dean: That’s okay: I mean hey, I barely respect you now.
Dean: Azazel?
Casey: What, you think his friends just called him Yellow-Eyes? He had a name.
Dean: Think something's wrong with my brother?
Bobby: Nah. Demons lie. I'm sure Sam's okay.
Dean: (doubtfully) Yeah.
Sam: For some reason, you’re fighting on our side. Now tell me: why is that, again?
Ruby: Go screw yourself, that’s why.
Ruby: (to Sam) On the bright side, I'll be there with you - that little fallen angel on your shoulder.

Bedtime Stories [3.5]

Kyle: This guy, he killed my brothers. How would you feel?
Sam: Can't imagine anything worse.
Sam: Actually, I do have a theory. Sort of.
Dean: Hit me.
Sam: Well, I'm thinking about fairy tales.
Dean: Oh, that’s... that's nice. You think about fairy tales often?
Sam: Then we got the three brothers, arguing over how to build houses, attacked by the big, bad wolf.
Dean: Three little pigs.
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Actually, those guys were a little chubby.
Dean: I thought all those things ended with everyone living happily ever after.
Sam: No, no, not the originals. See, the Grimm Brothers stuff was kind of like the folklore of its day, full of sex, violence, cannibalism. Now, it got sanitized over the years and turned into Disney flicks and bedtime stories.
Dean: So you think the murders are what, a re-enactment? That's a little crazy.
Sam: Crazy as what? Every day of our lives?
Dean: Touché.
Sam: (staring at frog on the road) Yeah, you’re right, that's completely normal.
Dean: All right, maybe it is fairy tales. Totally messed-up fairy tales. I'll tell you one thing, there’s no way I'm kissing a damned frog.
Sam: (gesturing to pumpkin on porch) Hey, check that out.
Dean: Yeah? It's close to Halloween.
Sam: Remember Cinderella? The pumpkin that turns into the coach and the mice that become horses?
Dean: Dude! Could you be more gay? Don't answer that.
Sam: I think it's Snow White.
Dean: Snow White? Ah, I saw that movie. Oh, porn version anyways. There was this wicked Stepmother (hoots) she was wicked.
Dean: You find a way to stop Callie, all right.
Sam: What about you?
Dean: I'm gonna go stop the big bad wolf. Which is the weirdest thing I've ever said.
Dr. Garrison: You're not a cop, are you?
Sam: No.
Dr. Garrison: Then who are you?
Sam: Someone who knows a little bit about this kind of thing.
Dean: See you around, Doc.
Dr. Garrison: I sure hope not.
Dean: You know what he said. Some good advice.
Sam: Is that what you want me to do, Dean? Just let you go?
Crossroad Demon: What can I do for you, Sam?
Sam: You can beg for your life.
Crossroad Demon: We were having such a nice conversation. Then you had to go and ruin the mood.
Sam: If I were you, I’d drop the wisecracks and start acting scared.
Crossroad Demon: It’s not my style. That's not the original Colt. Where did you get that? Ruby. Had to be. She is such a pain in my ass. She'll get what's coming to her. You can count on it.
Crossroad Demon: Aren’t you tired of cleaning up Dean’s messes? Of dealing with that broken psyche of his? Aren’t you tired of being bossed around like a snot-nosed little brother? You’re stronger than Dean. You’re better than him.
Sam: Watch your mouth.
Crossroad Demon: Admit it. You’re here, going through the motions, but truth is, you’ll be a tiny bit relieved when he’s gone.
Sam: Shut up.
Crossroad Demon: No more desperate, sloppy, needy Dean. You can finally be free.
Sam: Who's your boss? Who holds the contract?
Crossroad Demon: He's not as cuddly as me, I can tell you that.
Sam: Who is it?
Crossroad Demon: I can't tell you. I’m sorry, Sam, but there’s no way out of this one. Not this time.

Red Sky at Morning [3.6]

(Sam and Dean are in the car, Dean looks pissed)
Dean: So, I've been waiting since Maple Springs. You got something to tell me?
Sam: It's not your birthday..
Dean: No.
Sam: (thinks hard) ...Happy Purim?
(Dean gives Sam an angry look, Sam laughs)
Sam: Dude, I don't know! I have no idea what you're talking about.
Dean: There's a bullet missing from the Colt. You want to tell me how that happened? I know it wasn't me, so unless you were shooting at some incredibly evil cans.
Sam: Dean.
Dean: You went after her didn't you? The Crossroads Demon, after I told you not to.
Sam: Yeah, well.
Dean: You could have gotten yourself killed.
Sam: I didn't.
Dean: And you shot her?
Sam: She was a smartass.
Dean: What a crazy old broad.
Sam: Why, because she believes in ghosts?
Dean: Ha ha, look at you. Sticking up for your girlfriend, you cougar hound.
Sam: Bite me.
Dean: Hey, not if she bites you first.
Dean: So what happens? You see the ship and then a few hours later you pucker up and kiss your ass goodbye.
Sam: Basically.
Dean: What's the next step?
Sam: I gotta ID the boat.
Dean: That shouldn't be too hard. I mean, how many three-mast clipper ships have wrecked off the coast?
Sam: I checked that too actually, over 150.
Dean: Wow!
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Crap.
Sam: Mm-hmm.
Dean: This is where we parked the car, right?
Sam: I thought so.
Dean: Where's my car?
Sam: Did you feed the meter?
Dean: Yes, I fed the meter. Sam, where's my car? Somebody stole my car!
Sam: Hey, hey, calm down, Dean.
Dean: I am calmed down. Somebody stole my c... :(starts to hyperventilate)
Sam: Wow, Dean. Hey-hey-hey-hey, take it easy, take it easy.
Bela: The 67' Impala, was that yours?
Sam: Bela...
Bela: I'm sorry, I had that car towed.
Dean: You what?
Bela: Well, it was in a tow-away zone.
Dean: No, it wasn't!
Bela: It was when I finished with it.
Sam: How do you sleep at night?
Bela: On silk sheets, rolling naked in money.
Sam: You shot me.
Bela: I barely grazed you.
(Dean rolls eyes)
Bela: Cute. But a bit of a drama queen, yeah?
Bela: (to Dean) Now, I'd get to that car if I were you, before they find that arsenal in the trunk. Ciao.
Dean: Can I shoot her?
Sam: Not in public.
Bela: I see you got your car back.
Dean: You really want to come near me when I got a loaded gun in my hands?
Bela: Now, now. Mind your blood pressure.
Dean: Hey, Bela, how'd you get like this? Huh? What, your daddy not give you enough hugs or something?
Bela: I don't know. Your daddy give you enough? Don't you dare look down your nose at me. You're no better than I am.
Dean: We help people.
Bela: Come on! You do this out of vengeance and obsession. You're a stone's throw from being a serial killer.
(Dean looks over to Sam)
Bela: Whereas I on the other hand, I get paid to do a job, and I do it. So you tell me, which is healthier?
Sam: Bela, why don't you just leave? We've got work to do.
Bela: Yeah. You're 0 for 2. Bang up job so far.
Peter: You guys aren't cops. Not dressed like that, not-not in that crappy car.
Dean: Whoa, hey, no need to get nasty.
Dean: You can't save everybody, Sam.
Sam: Yeah, right, so, so… what? You feel better now, or what?
Dean: No, not really.
Sam: Me neither.
Dean: You got to understand…
Sam: It’s just lately I feel like I can't save anybody.
Bela: So, how'd things go last night with Peter?
(Sam gives angry look)
Bela: That well, huh.
Dean: If you say "I told you so," I swear to God, I'll start swinging.
Bela: I think the three of us should have a heart-to-heart.
Dean: That's assuming you have a heart.
Dean: A Hand of Glory? I think I got one of those at the end of my Thai massage last week.
Bela: What is taking so long? Sam's already halfway there. With his date.
Dean: (upstairs) I am so not okay with this!
Bela: What are you, a woman? Come down already.
(Dean walks down steps, Bela gasps)
Dean: All right, get it out. I look ridiculous.
Bela: Not exactly the word I'd use.
Bela: You know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.
Dean: (after thinking hard) Don't objectify me.
Sam: Exactly how long do you expect me to entertain my date?
Bela: As long as it takes.
Dean: Look. There's security all over this place, alright. This is an uncrashable party, without Gert's invitation, so.
Sam: We can crash anything, Dean.
Dean: Yeah I know, but this is easier and it's a lot more entertaining.
Sam: You know, there are limits to what I'll do, right?
Dean: Ah, he's playing hard-to-get. That's cute.
Bela: What do you suggest?
Dean: I’m thinking…
Bela: Don’t strain yourself.
(about Bela to the Guard)
Dean: You think she's a pain in the ass now, try living with her.
Bela: (to Dean) I didn't want you thinking... you're not very good at that. Oh, look at you, searching for a witty rejoinder.
Dean: Screw you.
Bela: Very Oscar Wilde.
Guard: (knocking on door, looking for Dean and Bela after Bela pretended to faint) Sir? Ma'am? Everything alright?
Bela: (answers door, holding the top of her dress up) Hi.
Guard: Feeling better, I see?
Bela: Yes, much. Thank you.
Guard So if you're done with the room?
Bela: Well...Not exactly. Could we have a few more minutes?
Guard: Um...Yes, ma'am.
(Bela closes the door and the guard starts back down the hall)
Bela Stop it! That tickles!
(the guard runs into Dean coming up the stairs)
Dean: Oh! Sorry. Uh...Nature called.
Guard: Uh-huh.
Dean: (nodding towards the room Bela's in) Thanks for looking after my wife.
Guard: Oh, she's being looked after alright.
Bela: I'm going to go get Gert into a cold shower.
Dean: (to Sam) You stink like sex.
Dean: (about Bela) You know what? You're right. I’m not going to kill her. I think slow torture’s the way to go.
Dean: I can’t BELIEVE she got another one over on us!
Sam: You.
Dean: What?
Sam: I mean, she got one over on you, not us.
Dean: Thank you, Sam! Very helpful.
Bela: I sold it. I had a buyer lined up as soon as I knew it existed.
Sam: So the whole reason for us goin' to the charity ball was...?
Bela: I needed a cover. You were convenient.
Sam: Look you sold it to a buyer, just go buy it back.
Bela: It's half way across the ocean, I can't get it back in time.
Dean: In time for what?
Sam: What's going on with you, Bela? You look like you've seen a ghost.
Bela: I saw the ship.
Dean: You what? Wow, you know... I.. I knew you were an immoral, thieving, con-artist bitch, but just when I thought my opinion of you couldn't get any lower...
Dean: So who was it, Bela? Hmm? Who'd you kill? Was it daddy? Your little sis, maybe?
Bela: It's none of your business.
Dean: No... right. Well, have a nice life, you know whatever's left of it. (grabs jacket) Sam, let's go.
Bela: You can't just leave me here.
Dean: Watch us.
Bela: Please. I need your help.
Dean: Our help? Well, now how could a couple of serial killers possibly help you?
Bela: Do you really think this is going to work?
Dean: Almost definitely not.
Bela: You boys should learn to lock your doors. Anyone could just barge in.
Sam: Anyone just did.
Bela: (after handing Dean and Sam money) I don't like being in anyone's debt.
Dean: So ponying up ten grand is easier for you then a simple “thank you”? You're so damaged.
Bela: Takes one to know one.
Sam: I don’t want you to worry about me, Dean. I want you to worry about you. I want you to give a crap that you're dying! So that's it? Nothing else to say for you?
Dean: I think maybe I'll play craps.

Fresh Blood [3.7]

Gordon: Sam Winchester’s the Antichrist.
Bela: Ooh. I’d heard something about that…
Gordon: It’s true.
Bela: …from my good friend, the Easter Bunny. Who'd heard it from the Tooth Fairy. Are you off your meds?
Bela: You make me an offer and I think you'll find me highly cooperative.
Gordon: Okay, how about you tell me where they are, or I kill you right now?
Gordon: I can wrangle up three grand.
Bela: I don’t get out of bed for three grand.
Dean: Well, what can I say? I'm a badass.
Bela: Gordon Walker paid me to tell him where you were.
Dean: Excuse me?
Bela: Well, he had a gun on me. What else was I supposed to do?
Dean: I don't know, maybe pick up the phone and tell us that a raging psychopath was dropping by?
Bela: I did fully intend to call. I just got a bit sidetracked.
Dean: He tried to kill us!
Bela: I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was such a big deal. After all, there are two of you and one of him.
Dean: There were two of them.
Dean: Bela, if we make it out of this alive, the first thing I'm gonna do is kill you.
Bela: You're not serious.
Dean: Listen to my voice, and tell me if I'm serious.
Dixon: You're a big part of why my people are nearly extinct, Gordon.
Gordon: Your "people" are going extinct because you're a bunch of mindless, bloodthirsty animals.
Gordon: Daughters? Try “fang whores.”
Sam: That vampire's still out there, Dean.
Dean: First things first.
Sam: Gordon.
Dean: About that, when we find him or if he finds us..
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: Well I'm just saying he's not leaving us a whole lot of options.
Sam: Yeah, I know... we gotta kill him.
Dean: Really? Just like that? I thought you would have been like; "No we can't, he's a human, it's wrong."
Sam: No I'm done. I mean Gordon's not gonna stop until we're dead... or until he is.
Dixon: I was desperate. You ever felt desperate? I've lost everyone I ever loved. I'm staring down eternity alone. Can you think of a worse hell?
Dean: Well...there's Hell.
Gordon: They turned me.
Kubrick: Those fangs?...I'm sorry. You know what this means.
Gordon: It means you have to kill me. But not yet.
Kubrick: What do you mean?
Gordon: You have to let me do one last thing first.
Kubrick: What?
Gordon: Kill Sam Winchester.
Kubrick: Gordon.
Gordon: It's the only... it is the one good thing to come out of this nightmare. I'm stronger, I'm faster. I can finish him.
Dean: It's like a giant haystack and Gordon's a deadly needle.
Dean: It’s just another day at the office. It’s a massively dangerous day at the office.
Sam: You know what, man? I'm sick and tired of your old stupid kamikaze trick.
Dean: Whoa, whoa. Kamikaze? I'm more like a ninja.
Sam: That's not funny.
Dean: It's a little funny.
Sam: No, it's not.
Dean: What do you want me to do, Sam, huh? Sit around all day writing sad poems about how I’m going to die? You know what, I’ve got one. Let’s see, what rhymes with "Shut up, Sam"?
Sam: Drop the attitude, Dean. Quit turning everything into a punchline. And you know something else? Stop trying to act like you're not afraid.
Dean: I'm not!
Sam: You're lying. And you may as well drop it cause I can see right through you.
Dean: You got no idea what you're talking about.
Sam: Yeah, I do. You're scared Dean. You're scared because your year is running out and you're still going to hell, and you're freaked.
Dean: And how do you know that?
Sam: Because I know you!
Dean: Really?
Sam: Yeah, because I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to you since I was four, Dean. Studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better that anyone else in the entire world. And this... is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And I mean, I can't blame you. It's just...
Dean: What?
Sam: It's just I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again. Cause... just cause.
Gordon: (to Sam, in the dark) You have no idea what I've faced to get here. I lost everything... my life. But it's worth it. Cause I'm finally gonna kill the most dangerous thing I ever hunted. You're not human, Sam.
Gordon: (to Sam) You got a lot of people fooled, but see, I know the truth. I know what it's like. We're the same now, you and me. I know how it is walking around with something evil inside you. It's just too bad you won't do the right thing and kill yourself. I'm gonna... as soon as I'm done with you. Two last good deeds. Killing you and killing myself.
Dean: (to Sam) You just charged a super-vamped-out Gordon with no weapon. That's a little reckless, don't you think?
Sam: What's with the auto shop?
(Dean extends tool to Sam to fix the Impala)
Sam: What? You don't mean, you want...
Dean: Yeah, I do. You fix it.
Sam: Dean, you barely let me drive this thing.
Dean: Well, it's time. You should know how to fix it. You're going to need to know these things for the future. And besides, it's my job, right. Show my little brother the ropes.

A Very Supernatural Christmas [3.8]

Dean: So was I right, was it the serial killing chimney-sweep?
Sam: Yep. It's uh, it's actually Dick Van Dyke.
Dean: Who?
Sam: Mary Poppins.
Dean: Who's that?
Sam: Oh, come on. Never mind.
Dean: So what the hell do you think we're dealing with?
Sam: Actually I have an idea.
Dean: Yeah?
Sam: It's a, it's gonna sound crazy.
Dean: What could you possibly say that's gonna sound crazy to me?
Sam: Um, Evil Santa.
Dean: Yeah, that's crazy.
Sam: He punishes the wicked.
Dean: By hauling their ass up chimneys.
Sam: For starters, yeah.
Dean: So this is your theory, huh? Santa's shady brother?
Dean: What are you talking about? We had some great Christmases.
Sam: Whose childhood are you talking about?
Dean: Oh, come on, Sam.
Sam: No, just... no.
Dean: All right, Grinch.
Young Sam: Is Dad a spy?
Young Dean: He's James Bond.
Santa's Elf: Welcome to Santa's Court. Can I escort your child to Santa?
Dean: Um, no. Uh, but actually, uh, my brother here, it's been a life long dream of his.
(Sam gives confused look)
Santa's Elf: I'm sorry, no kids over 12.
Sam: He's just kidding. We only came here to watch.
(Dean smirks and shakes his head)
Santa's Elf: Ewww.
Dean: [to Sam] Why are you the boy that hates Christmas?
Sam: Look, Dean. If you wanna have Christmas, knock yourself out. Just don't involve me.
Dean: Oh, yeah. That'd be great. Me and myself making cranberry molds.
Dean: What's up with Saint nicotine?
(Sam chuckles)
Dean: What?
Sam: Nothing. It's just that, uh, well you know, Mr. Gung-Ho Christmas, might have to blow away Santa.
Dean: Wreaths, huh? Sure you didn't want to ask her about her shoes? I saw some nice handbags in the foyer.
Sam: (getting off the phone with Bobby) Well, we're not dealing with the anti-Claus.
Dean: What'd Bobby say?
Sam: Uh, that we're morons.
Dean: Christmas is Jesus' birthday.
Sam: No, Jesus' birthday was probably in the fall. It was actually the Winter Solstice Festival that was co-opted by the church and renamed Christmas. But I mean the Yule log, the tree, even Santa's red suit, that's all remnants of Pagan worship.
Dean: How do you know that? What're you gonna tell me next...the Easter Bunny's Jewish?
Sam: Yeah. It's pretty much like putting a neon sign on your front door, saying "Come kill us!"
Dean: Great.
Sam: Huh, when you sacrifice to Holnacar, guess what he gives you in return?
Dean: Lap dances, hopefully.
(Dean to shop owner)
Dean: We were playing Jenga over at the Walsh's the other night, and, uh, well he hasn't shut up since about this Christmas wreath. I don't know. (looks over to Sam) You tell him.
Sam: Sure. (Sam pauses to look at shop owner) It was yummy.
Sam: She didn't charge you?
Shopkeeper: Nope.
Dean: Do you sell them for free?
Shopkeeper: Hell no. It's Christmas. People pay a buttload for this crap.
Dean: That's the spirit.
Sam: I don't get it. You haven't talked about Christmas in years.
Dean: Well, yeah. This is my last year.
Sam: I know. That's why I can't.
Dean: What do you mean?
Sam: I mean, I can't just sit around, drinking eggnog, pretending everything's okay, when I know next Christmas, you'll be dead. I just can't.
Young Dean: First thing you have to know is we have the coolest dad in the world. He's a superhero.
Young Sam: He is?
Young Dean: Yeah. Monsters are real. Dad fights them. He's fighting them right now.
Young Sam: But Dad said the monsters under my bed weren't real.
Young Dean: That's 'cause he'd already checked under there. But, yeah, they're real. Almost everything's real.
Young Sam: Is Santa real?
Young Dean: No.
(Sam and Dean wake tied to chairs)
Sam: Dean, you okay?
Dean: Yeah, I think so.
Sam: So I guess we're dealing with "Mr. and Mrs. God." Nice to know.
Madge Carrigan: This might pinch a bit, dear. [cuts Dean's arm]
Dean: Aah! You bitch!
Madge: Oh, my goodness me! Somebody owes a nickel to the swear jar. Oh, do you know what I say when I feel like swearing? Fudge.
Dean: I'll try and remember that.
Dean: You fudging touch me again, I'll fudging kill you!
Madge: [approvingly, while cutting Dean's arm again] Very good.
[Mr. Carrigan is just about to pull out one of Dean's teeth when the doorbell rings.]
Dean: [muffled, because of the pair of tongs in his mouth] So are you gonna get that?
[Mr. and Mrs. Carrigan look at each other while doorbell rings again.]
Dean: You should get that.
Dean: (holding up Sam's presents) Look at this. Fuel for me and fuel for my baby!

Malleus Maleficarum [3.9]

Dean: I hate witches. They're always spewing their body liquids everywhere.
Sam: Pretty much.
Dean: It's creepy. Hell, it's downright unsanitary!
Dean: Freakin' witches!
Dean: Why does a rabbit always get screwed in the deal? Poor little guy.
Dean: I'd like to report a dead body. At 309 Mayfair Circle. My name? Yeah sure my name is...(hangs up)
Dean: They killed the nut job, should we, uh, thank them or what?
Sam: They're working black magic, too, Dean. They need to be stopped.
Dean: Stopped like stopped? They're human, Sam.
Sam: They're murderers.
Dean: Burn, witch, burn.
Ruby: Put a leash on your brother, Sam - if you wanna keep him.
Dean: What the hell were you thinking?
Sam: What? What the hell was I thinking?
Dean: She's a demon, Sam. Period. Alright? They want us dead, we want them dead!
Sam: Look, I know it's dangerous, that she is dangerous, but like it or not, she's useful.
Dean: No! We kill her before she kills us.
Sam: Kill her with what? The gun she fixed for us?
Dean: Whatever works.
Sam: Dean, if she wants us dead, all she has to do is stop saving our lives.
Sam: It's not so simple. We're not- we're not just hunting anymore. We're at war.
Dean: Are you feeling okay?
Sam: Why are you always asking me that?
Dean: 'Cos you're taking advice from a demon for starters. And by the way, you seem less and less worried about offing people, you know, it used to eat you up inside.
Sam: Yeah, and what has that gotten me?
Dean: Nothing, but it's just what you're supposed to do, we're supposed to drive in the friggin car, and friggin argue about this stuff. You know, you go on about the sanctity of life and all that crap.
Sam: Wait, so you're mad because I'm starting to agree with you?
Dean: No, not mad, I'm-I'm...I'm worried, Sam. Because you're not acting yourself.
Sam: Look, Dean, you're leaving, right? And I got to stay here in this crap hole of a world... alone. So, the way I see it, if I'm gonna make it, if I'm gonna fight this war after you're gone, then I gotta change.
Dean: Change into what?
Sam: Into you. I gotta be more like you.
(Dean dying)
Dean: You want to kill me. Get in line, bitch!
(after saving Dean's life)
Ruby: Stop... calling me bitch.
Dean: You saved my life.
Ruby: Don't mention it.
Dean: What was that stuff? God, it was ass. It tasted like ass.
Ruby: It's called witchcraft, short bus. (she leaves)
Dean: (mutters) You're the short bus, short bus...
Tammi: Nice dick work, Magnum
Tammi: What did you think it was? Make believe? Positive thinking? The Secret?
Dean: So let me get this straight. You were human once. You died, you went to hell, and you became a...
Ruby: Yeah.
Ruby: That's what happens when you go to Hell, Dean. That's what Hell is. Forgetting what you are.
Ruby: The answer is yes, by the way.
Dean: Sorry?
Ruby: Yes, the same thing will happen to you. It might take centuries, but sooner or later, Hell will burn away your humanity. Every hell bound soul, every one, turns into something else. Turns you into us, so, yeah... yeah, you can count on it.
Dean: There's no way of saving me from the pit, is there?
Ruby: No.
Dean: Why'd you tell Sam that you could?
Ruby: So he would talk to me. You Winchesters can be pretty bigoted.
Ruby: You need to help me get him ready for life without you. To fight this war on his own.
Dean: Ruby? Why do you want us to win?
Ruby: Isn't it obvious? I'm not like them. I don't know why. I... I wish I was, but I'm not. I remember what it's like.
Dean: What what's like?
Ruby: Being human.

Dream A Little Dream Of Me [3.10]

Dean: There you are. What are you doing?
Sam: Having a drink.
Dean: It's two in the afternoon. Drinking whiskey?
Sam: I drink whiskey all the time.
Dean: No, you don't.
Sam: But really, the thing is, no one can save you.
Dean: What I've been telling you.
Sam: No, that's not what I mean. I mean no one can save you because you don't want to be saved.
Sam: What was Bobby doing in Pittsburgh?
Dean: I don't know, unless he was taking an extremely lame vacation.
(as Dean impersonates a police detective)
Jeremy: I had the most vivid, super intense dream, like a bad acid trip, you know...
Dean: Totally. (pause) I mean, no.
Dean: I take it we believe the legends.
Sam: When don't we?
Sam: You wanna go dream walking inside Bobby's head?
Dean: Yeah, why not? Maybe we could help.
Sam: We have no idea what's crawling around in there.
Dean: How bad could it be?
Sam: Bad!
Dean: Dude... it's Bobby!
Sam: One problem though, we're fresh out of African Dream Root, so unless you know anyone who can score some...
Dean: Crap...
Sam: What?
Dean: Bela.
Sam: Bela? Crap. You're actually suggesting we ask her for a favor?
Dean: I'm feeling dirty just thinking about it, but yeah.
Dean: (to sleeping Sam) Sam, wake up! (after Sam woke up from his dream of having sex with Bela) Dude, you were out... and making some serious happy noises. Who were you dreaming about?
Sam: What? No one. Nothing.
Dean: Come on, you can tell me. Angelina Jolie?
Sam: No!
Dean: Brad Pitt?
Sam: No. No!
Dean: Well, shall we dim the lights and sync up Wizard of Oz to Dark Side of the Moon?
Sam: Why?
Dean: What did you do during college?
Bobby: Before I knew it was him, he offered me a beer. I drank it. Dumbest friggin' thing.
Dean: Aw, I don't know. It wasn't that dumb.
Sam: Dean, you didn't.
Dean: I was thirsty.
Sam: That's great! Now he can come after either one of you.
Nightmare Dean: What are the things that you want? What are the things that you dream? I mean, your car—that's Dad's. Your favorite leather jacket—Dad's. Your music—Dad's. Do you even have an original thought? No. No, all there is "watch out for Sammy... Look after your little brother, boy!" You can still hear your dad's voice in your head, can't you? Clear as bell.
Dean: Just shut up!
Nightmare Dean: I mean, think about it. All he ever did was train you, boss you around. But Sam—Sam he doted on. Sam he loved.
Dean: I mean it, I'm getting angry.
Nightmare Dean: Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. Your own father didn't care whether you're lived or died! Why should you?
Dean: Son of a bitch! My father was an obsessed bastard! All that crap he dumped on me about protecting Sam, that was his crap! He's the one who couldn't protect his family! He... He's the one who let mom die; who wasn't there for Sam, I always was! He wasn't fair! I didn't deserve what he put on me and I don't deserve to go to hell!
Nightmare Dean: (with black, demon eyes) You can't escape me, Dean! You're gonna die, and this, this is what you're going to become!
Dean: Sam?
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: I've been doing some thinking. And well, the thing is, I don't wanna die. I don't wanna go to Hell.
Sam: Alright, yeah. We'll find a way to save you.
Dean: Okay, good.

Mystery Spot [3.11]

(Heat of The Moment is playing on the alarm as Sam sits up.)
Dean: Rise and shine, Sammy!
Sam: Dude, Asia?
Dean: Aw, come on, you love this song and you know it.
Sam: Yeah, and if I ever hear it again, I'm gonna kill myself.
Dean: I'm telling you Sam, this job is small fry. We should be spending our time hunting down Bella.
Sam: Okay sure. Let's get right on that. Where is she again?
Dean: Shut up.
Sam: Man, I had a weird dream.
Dean: Yeah? Clowns or midgets?
Sam: Yesterday was Tuesday, right? But today is Tuesday, too!
Dean: Yeah. No, good. You're totally balanced.
Sam: He'll take the special, side of bacon, coffee black. Nothing for me thanks.
Waitress: You got it.
Dean: Sammy, I get all tingly when you take control like that.
[After Sam tells Dean he got hit by a car the day before]
Dean: Did it look cool, like in the movies?
Sam: You peed yourself.
Dean: Of course, I peed myself. Man gets hits by a car, you think he has full control over his bladder? Come on!
Dean: You mean we can't even go out for breakfast?
Sam: You'll thank me when it's Wednesday.
Dean: Whatever that means.
Dean: Do these tacos taste funny to you?
(Sam wakes up to Asia)': Heat of the moment!
Sam and Dean (in unison): Right, you're a mind reader. Cut it out, Sam. Sam! You think you're being funny but you're being really, really childish. Sam Winchester wears make-up. Sam Winchester cries his way through sex. Sam Winchester keeps a ruler by the bed and every morning when he wakes up-OK, enough!
Sam: My point is I’ve lived through every possible Tuesday. I’ve watched you die every possible way. I have ripped apart the Mystery Spot, burnt it down, tried everything I know to save your life and I can’t. No matter what I do, you die. And then I wake up. And then it’s Tuesday again.
Dean: So you think you're caught in some kinda... what again?
Sam: Eat your breakfast.
Sam: So this is fun for you? Killing Dean over and over again?
Trickster: One, yes it is fun. And two, this is so not about killing Dean.
Sam: (looking at alarm playing Back in Time) It's Wednesday!
Dean: Yeah, which usually comes after Tuesday. Turn that thing off, would ya?
Sam: What, are you kidding? This isn't the most beautiful song you've ever heard?
Dean: No! Geez, how many Tuesdays did you have?
Trickster: Whoever said Dean was the dysfunctional one has never seen you with a sharp object in your hands.
Trickster: Sam, there's a lesson here that I've been trying to drill into that freakish Cro-Magnon skull of yours.
Trickster: Dean's your weakness. The bad guys know it, too. It's gonna be the death of you, Sam. Sometimes you just gotta let people go.
Trickster (to Sam): I swear it's like talking to a brick wall. (pause) OK, look, this all stopped being fun months ago. You're Travis Bickle in a skirt pal. I'm over it.

Jus In Bello [3.12]

Henriksen: You know what I'm trying to decide?
Dean: I don't know, what? Whether Cialis will help you with your little condition?
Henriksen: I got a lot to celebrate, after all. Seeing you two in chains...
Dean: You kinky son of a bitch, we don't swing that way!
Dean: It's like we got a contract on us. You think it's 'cause we're so awesome? I think it's 'cause we're so awesome.
Dean: (Country accent) Well, howdy there sheriff.
Agent Henriksen: I shot the sheriff..
Dean: But you didn't shoot the deputy. (smirks)
Sam: You were possessed.
Henriksen: Possessed like... possessed?
Sam: That's what it feels like. Now you know.
Dean: I owe you the biggest "I told you so" ever.
Henriksen: What do you need?
Dean: Salt. Lots and lots of salt.
Deputy: Salt?
Dean: What is there an echo in here?
Henriksen: So, turns out demons are real.
Dean: F.Y.I. Ghosts are real too. So are werewolves. Vampires. Changelings. Evil clowns that eat people.
Henriksen: Okay then.
Dean: If it makes you feel better, Big Foot's a hoax.
Ruby: (scratches head) Does anyone have a breath mint? Some guts splattered into my mouth while I was killing my way in here!
Ruby: We'll need The Colt. (Sam and Dean look at each other awkwardly, Ruby looks at them both, suspicious.) Where's The Colt?!
Sam: It got stolen.
Ruby: I'm sorry, I must have blood in my ear! I thought I just heard you say you were stupid enough to let The Colt get grabbed out of your thick, clumsy, idiotic hands! (Sam and Dean look guilty) Fantastic! This is just peachy!
Sam: Ruby-
Ruby: Shut up! Fine. Since I don't see that there's any other option, there's one other way I know how to get you out of here alive.
Dean: What's that?
Ruby: I know a spell. It'll vaporize every demon, in a one mile radius. Myself included! So you let The Colt out of your sight, and now I have to die! So next time, be more careful. How's that for a dying wish?
Dean: Okay, what do we need to do?
Ruby: Aw, you can't do anything. This spell is very specific. It calls for a person of virtue.
Dean: I got virtue.
Ruby: Ha, ha. Nice try! You're not a virgin.
Dean: Ha ha. Nobody's a virgin! [Everyone looks at Nancy] No... No way! You're kidding me, right? You're...
Nancy: What? It's a choice, okay!
Dean: Wait. So you-you've never... Not even once...I mean not even...Wow...
Nancy: It's my decision.
Ruby: Damn straight, Cherry Pie.
Dean: Stop! Stop! Nobody kill any virgins!
Dean: (to Sam) I'm not going to let that demon kill some nice, sweet, innocent girl, who hasn't even been laid. I mean if that's how you win wars, then I don't want to win.
Dean: I got a plan. I'm not saying it's a good one, I'm not even saying it will work. But it sure as hell beats killing a virgin.
Sam: Ok, so what's the plan.
Dean: Open the doors, we let 'em all in, and we fight.
Nancy: When this is all over, I'm gonna have so much sex... (glances at the officer next to her) but not with you.
Ruby: Don't thank me. Lilith killed everyone. She slaughtered your precious little virgin, plus half a dozen other people. So after your big speech about humanity in war, it turns out that your plan was the one with the body-count. Do you know how to fight a battle? You strike fast and you don't leave any survivors. So no one can go running to tell the boss. So next time, we go with my plan!

Ghostfacers [3.13]

Ed: We know you've had it hard during the crippling writer's strike
Harry: Lazy fat cats!
Ed: Who needs writers when you've got guys like us?
Ed: Good morning Ghost Facers.
Spruce: It's 7 p.m. dude.
Ed: That's morning to a Ghost Facer.
Harry: Rats are like the rats of the world.
Ed: Listen here, Chiseled Chest!
Harry: (to Sam and Dean) Who made you guys reoccuring guest stars?
Dean: Crap. Crap. Taxidermy, kay. You said Daggett was a hospital janitor?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Eew. We got three toe tags here. One, death by gunshots, train accident, and suicide.
Sam: Eew.
Harry: What?
Sam: Well that explains why all the death echoes are here.
(Ed and Harry look confused)
Sam: They're here because their bodies are here…Somewhere in the house.
(Ed and Harry still look confused)
Dean: Daggett brought the remains home from the morgue to play with.
Ed and Harry together: (After a pause) Eew!
Spruce: Oh, that's nasty dude.
Dean: There's some salt in my duffel bag. Make a circle and get inside.
Ed: Inside your duffel bag?
Dean: In the salt, you idiot!!
Spruce: What's this guy Daggett guys problem, anyway?
Sam: Loneliness.
Dean: What, has he never heard of a Real Doll?
Harry: Ed, you gotta go be gay for that poor dead intern.
Ed: Here we were thinking that, you know, we were teaching you. And all this time you were teaching us about heart and about dedication and about how gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day.
Dean: You know I kind of think it was half awesome.
Maggie: Half awesome, th-that's full on good! Right?
Sam: Yeah, I mean it-it's bizarre how y'all are able to uh...to honor Corbett's memory while grossly exploiting the manner of his death. Well done.
Dean: Yeah. That's a real tight rope you guys are walking.
Sam: Yeah Alright guys.
Ed: No that's reality man. Yeah, Corbett gave his life searching for the truth, and it's our job over here to share it with the world.
Sam: Right, uh, our experience, you know what you get when you show the world the truth?
Dean: A straight-jacket. Or a punch in the face. Sometimes both.
Sam: Right
Harry: Oh come on guys don't be Facer-haters because we happen to have gotten the footage of the century.
Ed: Oh yeah.
Dean: ...They got us there.
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Well, we'll see you guys around.
Spruce: Peaceout.
(Sam and Dean leave, Ed closes the door.)
Harry: Dicks.

Long-Distance Call [3.14]

Dean: I just talked to an 84-year-old grandmother who's having phone sex with her husband. Who died in Korea.
Sam: Ugh.
Dean: Completely rocked my understanding of the word necrophilia.
Sam: (about a demon) And it's following you because...?
Dean: I guess I'm big game, you know? My ass is too sweet to let out of sight.
Sam: Dean, it's not Dad.
Dean: Then what is it?
Sam: A Crocotta.
Dean: Is that a sandwich?
Dean's voicemail: This is Herman Munster. Leave a message.
Dean: The only person who can get me out of this thing is me.
Sam: And me.
Dean: "And me"?
Sam: What?
Dean: Deep revelation, having a real moment here. That's what you come back with? "And me"?
Sam: Do you want a poem?
Dean: Moment's gone. Unbelievable.

Time Is On My Side [3.15]

Dean: I mean obviously I wanna hunt some zombies.
Coroner: So you're cops and morons.
Dean: Excuse me? No, no. We're very smart!
Doctor: Didn't you read my report?
Dean: Of course we did. Oh, it was-it was riveting, a real page-turner. Just delightful.
Doctor: You done?
Dean: I think so.
Doctor: Please, go away.
Dean: Okay.
Sam: I talked to Mr. Beetle's doctor. Turns out his incisions were sewn up with silk.
Dean: That's weird?
Sam: Yeah, nowadays it is, but silk used to be the suture of choice back in the early 19th-century. It was really problematic. Patients would get massive infections, the death rate was insane.
Dean: Good times.
Sam: Right. So, doctors, they had to do whatever they could to keep the infections from spreading. One way was maggots.
Dean: Dude, I'm eating.
Sam: It actually kind of worked because maggots, they eat the bad tissue and they leave good tissue. And get this: When they found our guy, his body cavity was stuffed full of maggots.
Dean: Dude, I'm eating!
Dean: (to his burger) No, baby, I can't stay mad at you.
Sam: Even if you had the Colt, Dean, who're you gonna shoot? We have no idea who holds the ticket!
Dean: We'll, shoot the hellhounds then, before they slash me up! Now, you comin' or not?
Sam: I'm stayin' here.
Dean: No, you're not. Cause I'm not gonna let you go wander out into the woods alone to track some some organ-stealing freak!
Dean: Hiya, Bela. Here's a fun fact you may not know: I felt your hand in my pocket when you swiped that motel receipt.
Bela Talbot: You don't understand.
Dean: Oh, I'm pretty sure I understand perfectly. Y'see, I noticed something interesting in your hotel room. Something tucked above the door, an herb. Devil's Shoestring. Well there's only one use for that. Holding Hellhounds at bay. So you know what I did? I went back and took another look at your folks obit, turns out they died ten years ago today. You didn't kill them. A demon did your dirty work. You made a deal, didn't you, Bela. And it's come due.
Lilith: [flashback, young Bela swinging, crying] I can take care of them for you. And it won't even cost you anything for ten whole years. [her eyes glow red]
Dean: Is that why you stole the Colt, huh? Try to wiggle out of your deal? Our gun for your soul?
Bela Talbot: Yes.
Dean: But stealing the Colt wasn't quite enough, I'm guessing.
Bela Talbot: They changed the deal. They wanted me to kill Sam.
Dean: [sarcastic] Really. Wow. Demons, untrustworthy. Huh. Shocker. That's, uh, kind of a tight deadline too, uh, what time is it? Oh, look at that! Almost midnight.
Bela Talbot: [crying] Dean, listen, I need help.
Dean: Sweetheart, we are weeks past help.
Bela Talbot: I know I don't deserve it.
Dean: You know what, you're right. You don't. But you know what the bitch of the bunch is? If you would have just come to us sooner and asked for help, we probably could have taken the Colt and saved you.
Bela Talbot: [still crying] I know, and saved yourself. I know about your deal, Dean.
Dean: And who told you that?
Bela Talbot: The demon that holds it. She holds mine too. She says she holds every deal.
Dean: She?
Bela Talbot: Her name is Lilith.
Dean: ...Lilith? Why should I believe you?
Bela Talbot: You shouldn't, but it's the truth.
Dean: This can't help you, Bela. Not now. Why are you tellin' me this?
Bela Talbot: Because just maybe you can kill the bitch.
Dean: [long pause] I'll see you in Hell.
[he hangs up on her. Bela hangs up as the clock switches to 12:00 midnight. Hellhounds howl in the background. Bela stands to look out window, and there is a crash as the Hellhounds presumably attack and scene fades to black]

No Rest for the Wicked [3.16]

Dean: Why don't we just make a T.J. run. You know, some señoritas, cervezas, uh, we could, what's Spanish for "donkey show"?
Sam: So if we do save you...let's never do that.
Dean: We're going off of Bela's intel? Now, when that bitch breathes, the air comes out crooked.
Ruby: Oh, so you're just too stupid to live, is that it? Then fine. You deserve hell. I wish I could be there, Dean. I wish I could smell the flesh sizzle off your bones! I wish I could be there to hear you scream!
Dean: And I wish you'd shut your pie-hole, but we don't always get what we want.
Dean: Sammy, all I'm saying is that you're my weak spot. You are. And I'm yours.
Sam: You don't mean that. We're--we're family.
Dean: I know. And those evil sons of bitches know it, too.
Bobby: Where do you think you're going?
Dean: We got the knife.
Bobby: And you intend to use it without me. Do I look like a ditchable prom-date to you?
Sam: No Bobby. Of course not.
Dean: This is about me... and Sam. Ok? This isn't your fight.
Bobby: The hell it isn't! Family don't end with blood, boy!
Dean: If this is my last day on earth, I do not want it to be socially awkward.
Bobby: You're piercing the veil, Dean. Glimpsing the B side.
Dean: Little less new agey please.
Bobby: You're almost Hell's bitch. So, you can see Hell's other bitches.
Ruby: What you don't know about me could fill a book.
Dean: Whoa.
Ruby: What?
Dean: Nothing, I, I just, I, uh, I couldn't see it before, but you are one ugly broad.
Sam: I'm not gonna let you go to hell, Dean!
Dean: Yes, you are! Yes, you are! I'm sorry! I mean this is all my fault. I know that. But what you're doing, it's not gonna save me. It's only gonna kill you.
Sam: Then what am I supposed to do?
Dean: Keep fighting.
Lilith: (to Dean) I don't have to answer to Puppy Chow. (opens door and lets the hellhound in) Sick him, boy.

Season 4

Lazurus Rising [4.01]

Dean: Surprise.
Bobby: I, I don't...
Dean: Yeah, me neither. But here I am. [Suddenly, Bobby attacks Dean.] Bobby! Bobby! It's me!
Bobby: My ass!
Dean: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! Your name is Robert Steven Singer. You became a hunter after your wife got possessed... you're about the closest thing I have to a father. Bobby. It's me. I am not a shapeshifter!
Bobby: Then you're a Revenant!
Dean: All right. If I was either, could I do this... with a silver knife? [cuts his arm]
Bobby: Dean?
Dean: That's what I've been trying to tell you.
Bobby: It's... It's good to see you, boy.
Dean: Yeah, you too.
Bobby: But... how did you bust out?
Dean: I don't know. I just, uh, I just woke up in a pine box...
[Suddenly, Bobby splashes water in Dean's face. Dean pauses, spits.]
Dean: I'm not a demon either, you know.
Bobby: Sorry. Can't be too careful.
Bobby: But... that don't make a lick of sense.
Dean: Yeah. Yeah, you're preachin' to the choir.
Bobby: Dean. Your chest was ribbons, your insides were slop. And you've been buried four months. Even if you could slip out of hell and back into your meat suit,
Dean: I know, I should look like a Thriller video reject.
Bobby: What do you remember?
Dean: Not much. I remember I was a Hellhound's chew toy, and then... lights out. Then I come to six feet under, that was it.
Girl: So where is it?
Dean: Where's what?
Girl: The pizza... that takes two guys to deliver?
Dean: I think we got the wrong room.
Sam: (walking into view) Hey is-? (cuts off when he see Dean and Bobby)
Dean: Heya, Sammy.
Sam: Dean?
(Dean walks in and Sam attacks him. Bobby pulls Sam away from Dean and restrains him)
Sam: (struggling against Bobby) Who are you?!
Dean: Like you didn't do this?
Sam: (Still fighting Bobby's hold on him) Do what?
Bobby: (still holding Sam back) It's him, It's him, Sam. I've been through this already. Its really him. (releases Sam)
Dean: I know. I look fantastic, huh? (Sam and Dean hug)
Girl: So are you two like... together?
Sam: What? No. No. He's my brother.
Girl: Oh... got it. I... I guess.
Dean: So tell me, what'd it cost?
Sam: The girl? I don't pay, Dean.
Sam: I tried everything. That's the truth. I tried opening the Devil's Gate. Hell, I tried to bargain, Dean, but no demon would deal, all right? You were rotting in Hell for months. For months, and I couldn't stop it. So I'm sorry it wasn't me, alright? Dean, I'm sorry.
Dean: It's okay, Sammy. You don't have to apologize, I believe you.
Bobby: Don't get me wrong, I'm gladdened that Sam's soul remains intact, but it does raise a sticky question.
Dean: If he didn't pull me out, then what did?
Bobby: How you feelin', anyway?
Dean: I'm a little hungry.
Dean: (points to an iPod in his car) What the hell is that?
Sam: That's an iPod jack.
Dean: You were supposed to take care of her, not douche her up.
Dean: Who's Jesse? [referring to the text "Jesse Forever", which is tattooed on Pamela's lower back]
Pamela: Well, it wasn't forever.
Dean: His loss.
Pamela: Might be your gain.
Dean: Dude, I'm so in.
Sam: Yeah, she's gonna eat you alive.
Dean: Hey, I just got out of jail. Bring it.
Pamela: (to Sam) You're invited too, grumpy.
Dean: (to Sam) You are NOT invited.
Pamela: Right. Take each other's hands. And I need to touch something our mystery monster touched.
Dean: Whoa. Well, he didn't touch me there.
Pamela: My mistake.
Female Demon: Dean, to hell and back. Aren't you a lucky duck?
Dean: That's me.
Female Demon: So you get to just stroll out of the Pit, huh? Tell me, what makes you so special?
Dean: I like to think it's because of my perky nipples.
Dean: That's a hell of an art project you've got going there.
Bobby: Traps and talismans from every faith on the globe. How you doin?
Dean: Stakes, iron, silver, salt, knife. I mean, we're pretty much set to catch and kill anything I've ever heard of.
Bobby: This is still a bad idea.
Dean: Yeah, Bobby, I heard you the first ten times. What do you say we ring the dinner bell?
Ruby: So. Million dollar question: you going to tell Dean about what we're doing?
Sam: Yeah, I just gotta figure out the right way to say it. Look, I just need time, okay? That's all.
Ruby: Sam, he's going to find out, and if it's not from you he's going to be pissed.
Sam: He's going to be pissed anyway. I mean, he's so hardheaded about this psychic stuff he'll just try and stop me.
Ruby: Look. Maybe I'll just take a step back for a while.
Sam: Ruby, you...
Ruby: I mean, I'm not exactly in your brother's fanclub. But he is your brother, and I'm not going to come between you.
Sam: I don't know if what I'm doing is right. Hell, I don't even know if I trust you.
Ruby: Thanks.
Sam: But what I do know is that I'm saving people. And stopping demons. And that feels good. I want to keep going.
Dean: You sure you did the ritual right? [Bobby gives him a look] Sorry. Touchy, touchy, huh?
Dean: Who are you?
Castiel: I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.
Castiel: We need to talk, Dean. Alone.
Castiel: Your friend's alive.
Dean: Who are you?
Castiel: Castiel.
Dean: Yeah, I figured that much, I mean what are you?
Castiel: I'm an Angel of the Lord.
Dean: Get the hell out of here. There's no such thing.
Castiel: This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith. (wings appear)
Dean: Some angel you are. You burned out that poor woman's eyes.
Castiel: I warned her not to spy on my true form. It can be... overwhelming to humans, and so can my real voice. But you already knew that.
Dean: You mean the gas station and the motel. That was you talking? (Castiel nods.) Buddy, next time, lower the volume.
Castiel: That was my mistake. Certain people, special people, can perceive my true visage. I thought you would be one of them. I was wrong.
Dean: And what visage are you in now, huh? What, holy tax accountant?
Castiel: This? This is... a vessel.
Dean: You're possessing some poor bastard?
Castiel: He's a devout man, he actually prayed for this.
Dean: Look pal, I'm not buying what you're selling, so who are you really?
Castiel: (frowning) I told you.
Dean: Right. And why would an angel rescue me from Hell?
Castiel: Good things do happen, Dean.
Dean: Not in my experience.
Castiel: What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?
Dean: Why'd you do it?
Castiel: Because God commanded it. Because we have work for you.
Ruby: (walking through the door) Getting pretty slick there Sam! Better all the time!
Sam: What's happening here, Ruby?
Ruby: I wish I knew!
Sam: We were thinking some high level demon pulled Dean out!
Ruby: No way! Sam! Human souls don't just walk out of hell and back into their body's easily! The sy bleeds, the earth quakes...it's cosmic! No demon can swing that! Not Lilith...not anyone!
Sam: What can?
Ruby: I'm not sure!

Are You There God? It's Me, Dean Winchester [4.02]

Dean: Look, all I know is I was not groped by an angel.
Dean: Don't you think that if angels were real, that some hunter somewhere would have seen one... at some point...ever?
Sam: Yeah. You just did, Dean.
Dean: I'm trying to come up with a theory here. Okay? Work with me.
Sam: Dean, we have a theory.
Dean: Yeah, one with a little less fairy dust on it, please.
Bobby: You two chuckle heads want to keep arguing religion, or do you want to come take a look at this?
Bobby: Airlift your ass out of the hot box? As far as I can tell, nothing.
Dean: I mean, I've saved some people, okay? I figured that made up for the-for the stealing and the-and the ditching chicks. But why do I deserve to get saved? I'm just a regular guy.
Sam: Apparently, you're a regular guy that's important to the man upstairs.
Dean: Well, that creeps me out. I mean, I don't like getting singled out at birthday parties... much less by... God.
Sam: Okay, well, too bad, Dean. Because I think he wants you to strap on your party hat.
Dean: You're gonna get me some pie.
Sam: [On phone] Yes, Dean, I'll get the chips. Dude. When have I ever forgotten the pie? Exactly.
Ruby: Is it true?
Sam: Is what true?
Ruby: (rolls her eyes) Did an angel rescue Dean?
Sam: We're not sure but we think so!
Ruby: Okay! Good bye Sam!
Sam: What?
Ruby: (not believing his confusion) Sam they're angels. (states the obvious) I'm a demon! (sarcastically) They're not gonna care if I'm being helpful! (serious) They smite first and ask questions later!
Sam: What do you know about them?
Ruby: Not much! Except the scare the holy hell outta me!
Sam: I'm not scared of angels!
Ruby: (sarcastically) Watch yourself, Sam!
Dean: Dude?
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: Where's the pie?
Dean: Olivia was rocking the EMF meter.
Sam: Spirit activity.
Dean: Yeah... On steroids. I've never seen a ghost do this to a person.
Bobby: I called some hunters nearby...
Dean: Good. We could use their help.
Bobby: ...except they ain't answering their phones either.
Sam: Somethings up, huh?
Bobby: You think?
Dean: Come out, come out, whoever you are.
Meg: Dean Winchester, still so bossy. You don't recognize me? This is what I looked like before that demon cut off my hair and dressed me like a slut.
Dean: Meg.
Meg: Hi! It's okay, I'm not a demon.
Dean: You're the girl the demon possessed.
Meg: Meg Masters. Nice to finally talk to you when I'm not ... you know ... choking on my own blood. It's okay. Seriously, I'm just a college girl... sorry, was. I was walking home one night and got jump by all this smoke. Next thing you know I'm prisoner... in here. You know I was a wake? I had to watch while she murdered people.
Dean: Sorry.
Meg: Oh, yeah, so sorry you had me thrown off a building.
Dean: Well, we thought...
Meg: No, you didn't think. I kept waiting, praying, I was trapped in there, screaming at you" "just help me, please". You're supposed to help people, Dean, but why didn't you help me?
Dean: I'm sorry.
Meg: Stop saying you're sorry.
Meg: But it wasn't just me, Dean! I had a sister. A little sister. How she worshipped me! you know how little siblings are right? How they'll do anything for you! She was never the same after I dissapeared! She...she just got lost! And when my body was lying there in the morgue...beat up? Broken? Do you know what that did to her? She killed herself! Because of you, Dean! Because all you were thinking about was your family! Your revenge and your demons! 50 words of latin a little sooner and I'd still be alive...my baby sister would still be alive!
Sam: Okay, where are we going?
Bobby: Some place safe, you idjit.
Sam: You built a panic room!?
Bobby: I had a weekend off.
Dean: Bobby.
Bobby: What?
Dean: You're awesome!
Dean: See, this is why I can't get behind God.
Sam: What are you talking about?
Dean: If he doesn't exist, fine. Bad crap happens to good people. That's how it is. There's no rhyme or reason. Just random, horrible, evil. I get it, okay. I can roll with that. But if he is out there, what's wrong with him? Where the hell is he while all these decent people are getting torn to shreds? How does he live with himself? You know, why doesn't he help?
Bobby: I ain't touching this one with at 10-Foot pole.
Sam: Okay, so, what do we do now?
Dean: Road trip. Grand canyon, Star Trek experience. Bunny ranch.
Bobby: It's a spell to send the witnesses back to rest. Should work...
Sam: Should. Great.
Bobby: ...if I translate it correctly. I think I got everything we need here at the house.
Dean: Any chance you got everything we need here in this room?
Bobby: So, you thought our luck was gonna start now all of a sudden? Spell's gotta be cast over an open fire.
Sam: The fireplace in the library.
Bobby: Bingo.
Dean: That's just not as appealing as a ghost-proof panic room, you know?
Meg: You saw how I suffered for months. I thought you must have learned something. I thought I died for something.
Sam: Meg.
Meg: But what you're doing with that demon, Ruby? How many innocent bodies has Ruby burned through for kicks? How many girls just like me? And you don't send her back to Hell? You're a monster!
Dean: Ronald. Hey, come on, man. I thought we were pals.
Ronald: That's when I was breathing. Now I'm gonna eat you alive.
Dean: Well... come on, I'm not a cheeseburger.
Castiel: Excellent job with the witnesses.
Dean: You were hip to all this?
Castiel: I was, uh, made aware.
Dean: Well, thanks a lot for the angelic assistance. You know, I almost got my heart ripped out of my chest.
Castiel: But you didn't.
Dean: I thought angels were supposed to be guardians. Fluffy wings, halos -- You know, Michael Landon. Not dicks.
Castiel: Read the Bible. Angels are warriors of God. I'm a soldier.
Dean: Yeah? Then, why didn't you fight?
Castiel: I'm not here to perch on your shoulder. We had larger concerns.
Dean: Concerns? There were people getting torn to shreds down here! And, by the way, while all this is going on, where the hell is your boss, huh, if there is a God?
Castiel: There's a God.
Dean: I'm not convinced. 'Cause if there's a God, what the hell is he waiting for, huh? Genocide? Monsters roaming the earth? The freaking Apocalypse? At what point does he lift a damn finger and help the poor bastards that are stuck down here?
Castiel: The Lord works...
Dean: If you say "mysterious ways," so help me, I will kick your ass. So, Bobby was right... about the witnesses... this is some kind of a... sign of the Apocalypse.
Castiel: That's why we're here. Big things afoot.
Dean: Do I want to know what kind of things?
Castiel: I sincerely doubt it, but you need to know. The rising of the witnesses is one of the 66 seals.
Dean: Okay. I'm guessing that's not a show at Seaworld.
Castiel: Those seals are being broken. By Lilith.
Dean: She did the spell. She rose the witnesses.
Castiel: Mm-hmm. And not just here. Twenty other hunters are dead.
Dean: Of course. She picked victims that the hunters couldn't save so that they would barrel right after us.
Castiel: Lilith has a certain sense of humor.
Dean: Well, we put those spirits back to rest.
Castiel: It doesn't matter. The seal was broken.
Dean: Why break the seal anyway?
Castiel: You think of the seals as locks on a door.
Dean: ... Okay. Last one opens and...
Castiel: Lucifer walks free.
Dean: Lucifer? But I thought Lucifer was just a story they told at demon Sunday school. There's no such thing.
Castiel: Three days ago, you thought there was no such thing as me. Why do you think we're here walking among you now for the first time in 2,000 years?
Dean: To stop Lucifer.
Castiel: That's why we've arrived.
Dean: Well... bang-up job so far. Stellar work with the witnesses. That's nice.
Castiel: We tried. And there are other battles, other seals. Some we'll win, some we'll lose. This one we lost. Our numbers are not unlimited. Six of my brothers died in the field this week. You think the armies of heaven should just follow you around? There's a bigger picture here. You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in.

In The Beginning [4.03]

Castiel: Hello Dean. What were you dreaming about?
Dean: What, do you get your freak on by watching other people sleep? What do you want?
Dean: Can you, uh, tell me where I can get reception on this thing? (referring to his cell phone)
Young John: The U.S.S. Enterprise?
Dean: Thanks...nice threads. You know Sonny and Cher broke up right?
Young John: Sonny and Cher broke up?
Dean: What is this?
Castiel: What does it look like?
Dean: Is it real?
Castiel: Very.
Dean: Okay, so what? Angels got their hands on some Deloreans? How did I get here?
Castiel: Time is fluid Dean, it's not easy, but we can bend it on occasion.
Dean: Well bend it back or tell me what the hell I'm doing here!
Castiel: I told you, you have to stop it.
Dean: Stop what? Huh? What, is there something nasty after my Dad?Dean turns as a car horn sounds. When he turns back Castiel is gone. Oh, come on! What, are you allergic to straight answers, you son of a bitch?!
Dean: Sammy, wherever you are, Mom is a babe. I'm going to Hell. Again.
(realizing he and Sam were named after their grandparents)
Dean: Samuel and Deanna?
Dean: What about the rest of the town? Well, did you find anything on the web? ...of information that you have assembled.
Deanna: Electrical storms maybe, the weather service graphs should be here on Friday.
Dean: By mail?
Samuel: No, we hired a jet liner to fly 'em to us overnight.
Samuel: Father, I see you beat me here.
Dean: The Lord is funny that way. Beth Whitshire, this is my associate, our senior- senior priest, Father Chaney.
Dean: I know you guys think I'm crazy.
Samuel: You seem like a really nice kid, Dean, but yeah you're crazy.
Young Mary: You know the worst thing I can think of, the very worst thing? It's for my children raised into this like I was. No, I won’t let it happen.
Dean: Yeah.
Young Mary: Hey, you okay?
Dean: Yeah. No, I'm fine. Hey, Mary? Can I tell you something?
Young Mary: Sure.
Dean: Even if this sounds really weird, will you promise me that you will remember?
Young Mary: Okay.
Dean: On November 2nd, 1983, don't get out of bed. No matter what you hear, or what you see. Promise me you won't get out of bed.
Dean: So what? God's my copilot is that it? Castiel just looks at him, and Dean glances over again. Well, you're a regular chatty Kathy. Tell me something, Sam would have wanted in on this, why not bring him back?
Castiel: You had to do this alone, Dean.
Dean: And you don't care that he's tearing up the future looking for me right now?
Castiel: Sam's not looking for you.
Dean: Alright, if I do this, then the family curse breaks right? Mom and Dad live happily ever after, and- and, Sam and I grow up playing little league and chasing tail?
Castiel: You realize, if you do alter the future, your father, you, Sam, you'll never become hunters. And all those people you saved, they'll die.
Dean: I realize.
Castiel: And you don't care?
Dean: Oh, I care. I care a lot, but these are my parents, I'm not gonna let them die again. I can't, no, not if I can stop it.
Samuel Campbell: She wants to hunt, she doesn't want to hunt. Is this some female "time of the month" thing?
Azazel: Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, no one's breeding with me. Though, Mary? Man, I'd like to make an exception, so far, she's my favorite.
Azazel: (to Dean) You know what I'm gonna do to your sibling? I'm gonna stand over their crib and I'm gonna bleed into their mouth, demon blood is better than Ovaltine, vitamins, minerals it makes you big and strong!
Dean: For what? So they can lead your discount demon army? Is that your big plan?
Azazel: Please. My endgame's a hell of a lot bigger than that, kid.
Dean: I couldn't stop any of it. She still made the deal. She still died in the nursery didn't she?
Castiel: Don't be too hard on yourself, you couldn't have stopped it.
Dean: What?
Castiel: Destiny can't be changed Dean. All roads lead to the same destination.
Castiel: Your brother is headed down a dangerous road, Dean. And we're not sure where it leads. So stop it... or we will.
Castiel: We know what Azazel did to your brother. What we don't know is why, and he went to great lengths to cover that up.

Metamorphosis [4.04]

Sam: Where's Lilith?
Demon: Kiss my ass.
Sam: I'd watch myself if I were you.
Demon: Why? Huh? Because you're Sam Winchester, Mr. Big Hero? And yet here you are, slutting around with some demon. Real hero.
Sam: Shut your mouth.
Demon: Tell me about those months without your brother. About all the things you and this demon bitch do in the dark.
Dean: So... Anything you wanna tell me, Sam?
Sam: Dean, hold on, okay? Just let me...
Dean: You gonna say, "let me explain"? You gonna explain this? How about this? Why don't you start with who she is, and what the hell is she doing here?
Sam: Ruby! Stop it!
Dean: Well, aren't you an obedient little bitch?
Sam: Dean, what are you doing? What, are you, are you leaving?
Dean: You don't need me. You and Ruby go fight demons.
Sam: Hold on. Dean, come on, man. (Dean punches Sam in the face) You satisfied? (Dean hits him again) I guess not.
Dean: Do you even know how far off the reservation you've gone? How far from normal? From human?
Sam: I'm just exorcising demons.
Dean: With your mind! What else can you do?
Sam: I can send them back to hell. It only works with demons, and that's it.
Dean: What else can you do?!
Sam: I told you!
Dean: And I have every reason in the world to believe that.
Sam: Look, I should have said something. I'm sorry, Dean. I am. But try to see the other side here.
Dean: The other side?
Sam: I'm pulling demons out of innocent people.
Dean: Use the knife!
Sam: The knife kills the victim! What I do, most of them survive! Look, I've saved more people in the last five months than we save in a year.
Dean: That what Ruby want you to think? Huh? Kind of like the way she tricked you into using your powers? Slippery slope, brother. Just wait and see. Because it's gonna get darker and darker, and God knows where it ends.
Sam: I'm not gonna let it go too far.
Dean: It's already gone too far, Sam. If I didn't you know... I would wanna hunt you. And so would other hunters.
Sam: You were gone. I was here. I had to keep on fighting without you. And what I'm doing... It works.
Dean: Well, tell me. If it's so terrific... then why'd you lie about it to me? Why did an angel tell me to stop you?
Sam: What?
Dean: Cas' said that if I don't stop you, he will. See what that means, Sam? That means that God doesn't want you doing this. So, are you just gonna stand there and tell me everything is all good?
Sam: I should have told you. I'm sorry.
Dean: You've been saying that a lot lately, Sam. But whatever. You don't want to tell me, you don't have to. It's fine.
Dean: Are you sure that's him?
Sam: Only Jack Montgomery in town.
Dean: And we're looking for...
Sam: Travis said to keep an eye out for anything weird.
Dean: Weird?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Alright, well, yeah, I've seen big weird, little weird, weird with crazy on top. But this guy? I mean, come on, this guy's boring.
Sam: I don't know, Dean. Travis seemed pretty sure. (Jack Montgomery starts to eat raw meat) I'd say that qualifies as weird.
Travis: You still a.. oh, what was it... a mathlete?
Sam: No.
Dean: Yep, sure is.
Dean: Well, he had a hell of a case of the munchies, topped off with a burger that he forgot to cook.
Travis: Boys, we got a rougarou on our hands.
Dean: A rougarou? Is that made up? That sounds made up.
Dean: Hungry for what?
Travis: At first for everything, but then, the long pig.
Dean: (doesn't get it) Long pig?
Sam: He means human flesh.
Dean: And that is my word of the day!
Dean: Sam loves research. He does. He keeps it under his mattress right next to his KY.
Sam: You want to know why I've been lying to you, Dean? Because of crap like this.
Dean: Like what?
Sam: The way you talk to me, the way you look at me like I'm a freak!
Dean: I do not.
Sam: You know, or even worse, like I'm an idiot! Like I don't know the difference between right and wrong! What?
Dean: Do you know the difference, Sam? I mean, you've been kind of strolling a dark road lately.
Sam: You have no idea what I'm going through. None.
Dean: Well then enlighten me!
Sam: I've got demon blood in me, Dean. This disease pumping through my veins and I can't ever rip it out or scrub it clean. I'm a whole new level of freak! And I'm just trying to take this - this curse... and make something good out of it. Because I have to.
Sam: (to Jack Montgomery) Listen to me, you've got this dark pit inside you. I know. Believe me, I know. But that doesn't mean you have to fall into it. You don't have to be a monster...It doesn't matter what you are. It only matters what you do. It's your choice.
Dean: You did the right thing, you know. That guy was a monster, there was no going back. Sam, I wanna tell you I'm sorry. I've been kind of hard on you lately.
Sam: Don't worry about it, Dean.
Dean: It's just that your, uh, your psychic thing, it scares the crap out of me.
Sam: Look, if it's all the same... I'd really rather not talk about it.
Dean: Wait. What? You don't want to talk? You?
Sam: There's nothing more to say. I can't keep explaining myself to you. I can't make you understand.
Dean: Why don't you try?
Sam: I can't. Because this thing, this blood, it's not in you the way it's in me. It's just something I gotta deal with.
Dean: Not alone.
Sam: Anyway, it doesn't matter. These powers... it's playing with fire. I'm done with them. I'm done with everything.
Dean: Really? Well, that's a relief. Thank you.
Sam: Don't thank me. I'm not doing it for you. Or for the angels or for anybody. This is my choice.
Dean: Where are you going?
Ruby: The ER! Unless you want to go another round first!

Monster Movie [4.05]

Dean: It's like the good old days! An honest-to-goodness monster hunt! It's about time the Winchesters got back to tackling a straightforward, black-and-white case.
Dean: We still got to see the new "raiders" movie.
Sam: Saw it.
Dean: Without me?
Sam: You were in hell.
Dean: That's no excuse!
Jamie: Guten Tag.
Dean: Guten Tag yourself.
Dean: I'm a maverick, ma'am. A rebel with a badge. One thing I don't play by- the rules.
Sam: Can you describe her assailant?
Ed Brewer: Oh, he was a vampire.
Dean: Okay, right. And by that you mean...
Ed: A vampire.
Dean: So...he looked like-
Ed: He looked like a vampire. You know with the fangs and the slicked back hair and the fancy cape and the little medallion thing on the ribbon.
Dean: I've been re-hymenated!
Sam: Re...hy...Please. Dean maybe angels can pull you outta hell, but no one could do that.
Dean: Brother, I have been re-hymenated. And the dude will not abide.
Dean: I don't think we're staying on the case.
Jamie: What, is it too weird for you?
Dean: Not weird enough.
Sam: [tries to tear off Ed's ear] It's supposed to come off.
Ed: No, it's not!
Pizza Delivery Guy: Uh, pizza delivery?
Dracula: Ah, you have brought a repast. Excellent. Continue to be of such service, and your life will be spared.
Pizza Delivery Guy: Uh-huh. That'll be $15.50.
Dracula: Tell me…
Pizza Delivery Guy: Yeah?
Dracula: Is there… garlic on this pizza?
Pizza Delivery Guy: I don't know. Did you order garlic?
Dracula: No!
Pizza Delivery Guy: Then no. Look, mister, I got four other deliveries to make. You want to just pay me the money so I can go?
Dracula: Of course. Yes. But I have a coupon.
Dean: Although, if I was turning life into a movie, I wouldn't do this Abbot and Costello meet the Monsters crap.
Sam: Yeah. No, I know what you'd pick.
Dean: Heh, no, you don't.
Sam: Yeah, I do.
Dean: No, you don't. You don't.
Sam: Porky's 2.
Dean: What?
Sam: You heard me.
Dean: Lucky guess.

Yellow Fever [4.06]

(Dean's running down the street in sheer panic)
Dean: Run! It'll kill you!
(camera pans down to a Yorkie wearing a pink ribbon)
Sam hands Dean a handgun
Dean: Oh, I'm not carrying that. (Sam gives him a look) It could go off. (grabs a flashlight) I'll man the flashlight.
Sam: You do that.
Sam: 1...2...3! (Opens locker to reveal a meowing kitten)
Dean: (Lets out a long, girly scream) That was scary!
Dean: What are we doing?
Sam: We're hunting a ghost.
Dean: A ghost, exactly. Who does that?
Sam: Us.
Dean: Us, right. And that Sam that is exactly why our lives suck. I mean, C’mon, we hunt monsters! What the hell? I mean, normal people, they see a monster and they run. But not us, no no no, we...we search out things that want to kill us! Yeah, huh? Or eat us! You know who does that? Crazy people! We ... are insane! You know, then there’s the crappy diner food and the-and the skivvy motel rooms and then truck stop waitress with the bizarre rash. I mean, who wants this life, Sam? Huh? Seriously! I mean do you actually like being stuck in a car with me eight hours a day every single day? I don’t think so! I mean, I drive too fast and I listen to the same five albums over and over and over again and I- and I-I sing along, I’m annoying, I know that. And you…you’re gassy! You eat half a burrito and you get toxic! I mean, You know what, you can forget it.
Sam: Dean, where're you going?
Dean: Stay away from me Sam, okay? Because I am done with it. I'm done with the monsters and the-and the-and the hell hounds and the Ghost Sickness and the damn apocalypse. I’m out, I’m done, I quit.
Sam: Yeah. How you feeling, by the way?
Dean: Fine.
Bobby: You sure, Dean? 'Cause this line of work can get awful scary.
Dean: I'm fine. What? You want to go hunt? I'll hunt...I'll kill anything.
Sam: Awwww.
Bobby: He's adorable.

It's The Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester [4.07]

Sam: Really? After that guy choked down all those razor blades?
Dean: It's Halloween, man.
Sam: Yeah. For us, every day is Halloween.
Dean: Don't be a downer. Anything interesting?
Sam: What about you? Find anything on the victim?
Dean: This Luke Wallace - he was so vanilla that he made vanilla seem spicy. I can't find any reason why somebody would want this guy dead.
Sam: Once he's raised, Samhain can do some raising of his own.
Dean: Raising what, exactly?
Sam: Dark, evil crap and lots of it. I mean, They follow him around like a friggin' Pied Piper.
Dean: So we're talking ghosts.
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Zombies.
Sam: Mm-hmm.
Dean: Leprechauns?
Sam: Dean...
Dean: Those little dudes are scary. Small hands.
Dean: Yeah, well, if you were a six-hundred-year-old hag and you could pick any costume to come back in, wouldn't you go for a hot cheerleader? I would. Mmm.
Sam: Who are you?!
Dean: Sam! Sam, wait! It’s Castiel. The angel. Him, I don’t know.
Castiel: Hello Sam.
Sam: Oh my God- er- uh- I didn’t mean to- sorry. It’s an honor, really, I- I’ve heard a lot about you.
Castiel: And I, you. Sam Winchester...The boy with the demon blood. Glad to hear you’ve ceased your extracurricular activities.
Uriel: Let’s keep it that way.
Dean: Yeah, okay, chuckles. Who’s your friend?
Castiel: This raising of Samhain, have you stopped it?
Dean: Why?
Castiel: Dean, have you located the witch?
Dean: Yes, we’ve located the witch.
Castiel: And is the witch dead?
Sam: No, but...
Dean: We know who it is.
Castiel: Apparently the witch knows who you are too. This was inside the wall of your room. If we hadn’t found it, surely one or both of you would be dead. Do you know where the witch is now?
Dean: We’re working on it.
Castiel: That’s unfortunate.
Dean: What do you care?
Castiel: The raising of Samhain is one of the 66 seals.
Dean: So this is about your buddy Lucifer.
Uriel: Lucifer is no friend of ours.
Dean: It’s just an expression.
Castiel: Lucifer cannot rise, the breaking of the seal must be prevented at all costs.
Dean: Okay, great, well now that you’re here, why don’t you tell us where the witch is, we’ll gank her and everybody goes home.
Castiel: We are not omniscient, this witch is very powerful, she’s cloaked even our methods.
Sam: Okay, we already know who she is, so if we work together-
Uriel: Enough of this.
Dean: Okay, who are you and why should I care?
Castiel: This is Uriel, he’s what you might call... a specialist.
Dean: What kind of specialist? What are you gonna do?
Castiel: You...uh both of you, you need to leave this town immediately.
Dean: Why?
Castiel: Because we’re about to destroy it.
Dean: So this is your plan, you’re gonna smite the whole friggin’ town?
Castiel: We’re out of time, this witch has to die, the seal must be saved.
Sam: There are a thousand people here.
Uriel: One thousand two hundred fourteen.
Sam: And you’re willing to kill them all?
Uriel: This isn’t the first time I’ve…purified a city.
Castiel: Look, I understand this is regrettable.
Dean: Regrettable?
Castiel: We have to hold the line; too many seals have broken already.
Dean: So you screw the pooch on some seals and now this town has to pay the price?
Castiel: It’s the lives of one thousand against the lives of six billion, there’s a bigger picture here.
Dean: Right, cause you’re bigger picture kind of guys.
Castiel: Lucifer cannot rise, he does and hell rises with him. Is that something that you’re willing to risk?
Sam: We'll stop this witch before she summons anyone. Your seal won't be broken and no one has to die.
Uriel: We're wasting time with these mud monkeys.
Castiel: I’m sorry, but we have our orders.
Sam: No, you can’t do this, you’re... you're angels, I mean aren’t you supposed to- You’re supposed to show mercy.
Uriel: Says who?
Castiel: We have no choice.
Dean: Of course you have a choice, I mean, come on, what? You’ve never-you've never questioned a crap order, huh? What are you both just a couple of hammers?
Castiel: Look, even if you can’t understand it, have faith, the plan is just.
Sam: How can you even say that?
Castiel: Because it comes from heaven, that makes it just.
Dean: Oh, it must be nice, to be so sure of yourselves.
Castiel: Tell me something Dean, when your father gave you an order, didn’t you obey?
Dean: Well sorry boys, looks like the plans have changed.
Uriel: You think you can stop us?
Dean: No, but if you’re gonna smite this whole town, then you’re gonna have to smite us with it, because we are not leaving. See, you went to the trouble of busting me out of hell, I figure I’m worth something to the man upstairs. You wanna waste me? Go ahead, see how he digs that.
Uriel: I will drag you out of here myself.
Dean: Yeah, but you’ll have to kill me, then we’re back to the same problem. I mean, come on, you're gonna wipe out a whole town for one little witch. Sounds to me like you're compensating for something. We can do this, we will find that witch and we will stop the summoning.
Uriel: Castiel! I will not let these peop-
Castiel: Enough! I suggest you move quickly.
Dean: Astronaut!
Sam: I thought they'd be different.
Dean: What, the angels?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Well, I tried to tell you.
Sam: I just...I mean, I thought they'd be righteous.
Dean: Well, they are righteous. That's kinda the problem. Course, there's nothing more dangerous than some a-hole who thinks he's on a holy mission.
Sam: But, this is God and Heaven? This is what I've been praying to?
Dean: Don't give up on this stuff, is all I'm saying. I mean, Babe Ruth was a dick, but baseball's still a beautiful game.
Dean: Well, are you gonna figure out a way to find this witch, or are you just gonna sit there fingering your bone?
Castiel: The decision’s been made.
Uriel: By a mud monkey.
Castiel: You shouldn’t call them that.
Uriel: Ah, it’s what they are, savages, just plumbing on two legs.
Castiel: You're close to blasphemy. There’s a reason we were sent to save him, he has potential, he may succeed here. And any rate, it’s out of our hands.
Uriel: It doesn’t have to be.
Castiel: And what would you suggest?
Uriel: That we drag Dean Winchester out of here, then we blow this insignificant pinprick off the map.
Castiel: You know our true orders, are you prepared to disobey?
Tracy: My love.
Samhain: You've aged.
Tracy: This face...I can't fool you.
Samhain: Your beauty is beyond time. [snaps her neck] Whore.
Dean: Zombie-ghost orgy, huh? Well, that's it. I'm torching everybody.
Uriel: The only reason you're still alive, Sam Winchester, is because you've been useful. The moment that ceases to be true, the second you become more trouble than you're worth... One word. One. And I will turn you to dust. As for your brother, tell him that maybe he should climb off of that high horse of his. Ask Dean what he remembers from Hell.
Dean: Let me guess you’re here for the, I told you so.
Castiel: No.
Dean: Well, good cause I’m really not that interested.
Castiel: I am not here to judge you Dean.
Dean: Then why are you here?
Castiel: Our orders-
Dean: Yeah, you know, I’ve had about enough of these orders of yours-
Castiel: Our orders were not to stop the summoning of Samhain, they were to do whatever you told us to do.
Dean: Your orders were to follow my orders?
Castiel: It was a test, to see how you would perform under... battlefield conditions, you might say.
Dean: It was a witch, not the Tet Offensive. So I uh- failed your test, huh? I get it. But you know what? If you would have waved that-that magic time traveling wand of yours and we had to do it all over again, I’d make the same call. Cause see, I don’t know what’s gonna happen when these seals are broken, hell I don’t even know what’s gonna happen tomorrow. But what I do know is, that this, here? These kids, the swings, the trees, all of it is still here because of my brother and me.
Castiel: You misunderstand me Dean. I’m not like you think, I was praying that you would choose to save the town.
Dean: You were?
Castiel: These people, they’re all my father’s creations. They’re works of art, and yet, even though you stopped Samhain, the seal was broken and we are one step closer to hell on earth, for all creation. Now that’s not an expression Dean, its a literal. You of all people should appreciate what that means. Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul?
Dean: Okay.
Castiel: I’m not a…hammer as you say. I have questions, I...I have doubts. I don’t know what is right and what is wrong anymore, whether you passed or failed here. But in the coming months you will have more decisions to make. I don’t envy the weight that’s on your shoulders Dean. I truly don’t.

Wishful Thinking [4.08]

Sam: It just doesn't make any sense, Dean. I mean, why would Uriel tell me you remembered hell if you didn't?
Dean: Maybe because he's a dick. Might have something to do with it.
Sam: Okay. Fine. Then look me in the eye and tell me you don't remember a thing from your time down under.
Dean: I don't remember a thing from my time down under. I don't remember, Sam!
Sam: Look, Dean, I just want to help.
Dean: You know everything I do. Okay? That's all there is.
Sam: Eye witness reports of a ghost that's been haunting the showers of a woman's health facility (Dean chokes on beer then downs the rest). The victim claims that the ghost threw her down a flight of stairs... I can see you're very interested.
Dean: Women? Showers? (Dean throws money on the table to pay the bill) We gotta save these people!
Candace: I'm not surprised the spirit world chose to make contact with me. I'm something of a... Natural sensitive.
Sam: I can sense that about you, Candace, that whole... Sensitive thing.
Candace: So, what did you say you're calling your book?
Sam: Oh, well, um... Well, the working title is... "Supernatural."
Dean: I got to tell you, I'm pretty disappointed.
Sam: [Exhales sharply] You wanted to save naked women.
Dean: Damn right I wanted to save some naked women.
Dean: "Run, Forrest, Run!"
Sam: Excuse us. FBI.
Police Officer: What?
Sam: Yes, sir. We're here about the, uh... That.
Police Officer: About Bigfoot?
Sam: That's right.
Dean: Well, maybe somebody's pumping LSD into the town water supply.
Dean: So,what... Bigfoot breaks into a liquor store, jonesing for some hooch? Amaretto and Irish cream. He's a girl-Drink drunk.
Sam: Hey. Check this out.
Dean: He took the whole porno rack? Well, I'll say it again. What the hell is going on in this town?
Dean: I got nothing.
Sam: It's got to be a joke, right? Some big-ass mother in a gorilla suit?
Dean: Or it's a Bigfoot. You know, and he's some kind of a alcoholo-Porno addict. Kind of like a deep-Woods Duchovny.
Dean: A little young for Busty Asian Beauties.
Dean: What is this, like a Harry and the Hendersons deal?
Audrey: He's my teddy bear. I think he's sick.
Dean: Wow. Uh... Amazing. 'Cause you know what? We... Are, uh... Teddy bear doctors.
Audrey: Really? Can you please take a look at him?
Sam: Sure.
Dean: Sure. Yeah.
Audrey: He's in my bedroom. He's pretty grumpy. Teddy? There's some nice doctors here to see you.
Teddy': Close the friggin' door!
Audrey: See what I mean?
Audrey: All I ever wanted was a teddy which was big, real, and talked. But now he's sad all the time not "ouch" sad, but ouch-In-The-Head sad. Says weird stuff, and smells like the bus!
Teddy Bear: Look at this. (indicates television)
(both look at television, which shows news coverage of an explosion)
Teddy Bear: Can you believe this crap?
Dean: (incredulously, looking at Teddy Bear) Not really.
Teddy Bear: It is a terrible world. (turns to Dean) Why am I here?!
Audrey: For tea parties!
Teddy Bear: Tea parties? (sobs) Is that all there is?!
Sam: Audrey, give us a second, okay? Okay.
(Sam and Dean walk a short way down the hall and pause, clearly struggling)
Sam: (whispering) Are we - should we - uh - (glances toward Audrey, before quickly turning back) are we gonna kill this teddy bear?!
Dean: (also whispering) How, huh? Shoot it? Burn it?
Sam: I dunno, (glances back again) both?
Dean: Well we dunno if that's even gonna work, an' I don't-I don't want some giant, flaming, pissed off teddy on our hands.
Sam: Yeah. Besides, I get the feeling the bear isn't really the, y'know, core problem, here.
Sam: Audrey, where are your parents?
Audrey: My mom wished they were in Bali, so I think they're in Bali
Sam: (to Audrey) I'm really sorry to have to break this to you, but your bear is sick. Yeah, he's, he's got...
Dean: Lollipop disease.
Sam: Lollipop disease.
Dean: It's not uncommon for a bear his size, but see it's, it's really contagious.
Sam: Yeah. So is there-is there someone, maybe a grown up, you can stay with while we treat him?
Sam: What are you gonna wish for?
Dean: Shh! [throws a coin] Not supposed to tell.
Delivery Guy: Somebody order a footlong Italian with jalapeño?
Dean: That'd be me.
Dean: What are we supposed to do, huh? Stop people's wishes from coming true? I mean, Sounds like kind of a douchey thing to do.
Chinese waiter: Uh, gentlemen, gentlemen. I'm sorry. We don't allow people to eat outside food here.
Dean: Well, I am certainly not gonna eat the inside food here. Health department. You, my friend, have a rat infestation. We're gonna have to shut this place down under emergency hazard code 56c.
Dean: Oh, come on. Aren't you a little bit tempted?
Sam: No. Wouldn't be real. I wouldn't trust it.
Dean: I don't know. That bear seemed pretty real.
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: Come on, if you could wish yourself back, you know, before it all started... Think about it. You'd be some big yuppie lawyer with a nice car and a white picket fence.
Sam: Not what I'd wish for.
Dean: Seriously?
Sam: It's too late to go back to our old lives, Dean. I'm not that guy anymore.
Dean: All right, well, what, then? Hmm? What would Sammy wish for?
Sam: Lilith's head on a plate. Bloody.
Chinese waiter: Hey, hey, hey, what is this?! You are gonna break my fountain!
Sam: Sir, I don't want to slap you with a 44/16, but I will.
Sam: Dean? You all right?
Dean: The wishes turn bad, Sam. The wishes turn very bad.
[on chalkboard]: Life is meaningless. Signed, T. Bear.
Sam: Dean,wake up!
Dean: What? I'm up. What?
Sam: Sleep well?
Dean: Yeah. Tan, rested, and ready.
Sam: Dean, come on, man. You think I can't see it?
Dean: See what?
Sam: The nightmares, the drinking. I'm with you 24/7. I know something's going on.
Dean: Sam, please.
Sam: Uriel wasn't lying, but you are. You remember hell, don't you?
Dean: What do you want from me, huh? What?
Sam: The truth, Dean. I mean, I'm your brother. I-I just wish you'd talk to me.
Dean: Careful what you wish for.
Sam: Cute.
Dean: Come on, can we stow the couples therapy, huh? We're on a job. I want to work. What do you got? Please?
Wesley: Aren't you the guys from the Health Department?
Sam: Yeah. And florists on the side.
Dean: Plus FBI. And on Thursdays, we're teddy bear doctors.
Wesley: "Be careful what you wish for." You know who says that? Good-looking jerks like you guys, the ones who've got it so easy because you happen to be handsome.
Sam and Dean: Easy?
Wesley: Yeah. Women -- Women look at you, right? They notice you.
Sam: Believe us, we do not have it easy.
Dean: We are miserable. We never get what we want. In fact, we have to fight tooth and nail just to keep whatever it is we got.
Sam: But you know what? Maybe that's the whole point, Wes.
Dean: Yeah, people are people 'cause they're miserable bastards, 'cause they never get what they really want.
Sam: Right, yeah, you get what you want, you get crazy.
Dean: Just take a look at Michael Jackson, hmm? Or Hasselhoff.
Todd: Kneel before Todd!!!!!
Wes: Well, why can't we just get what we want?!
Sam: Because that's life, Wes.
Dean: Okay, man, no more! No more, okay? I wouldn't mess with this kid any more if I were you.
Dean: You were right. I shouldn't have lied to you. I do remember everything that happened to me in the pit. Everything.
Sam: So, tell me about it.
Dean: No. I won't lie anymore, but I'm not going to talk about it.
Sam: Dean, look, you can't just shoulder this thing alone. You gotta let me help.
Dean: How? Do you really think that a little heart-to-heart, some sharing and caring, is gonna change anything? Hmm? Somehow... heal me? I'm not talking about a bad day here.
Sam: I know that.
Dean: The things that I saw... there aren't words. There is no forgetting. There's no making it better. Because it is right here... Forever. You wouldn't understand. And I could never make you understand. So I am sorry.

I Know What You Did Last Summer [4.09]

Sam: You're not pissed we're going after the girl, you're pissed Ruby threw us the tip.
Dean: Right, 'cause as far as you're concerned that Hell-bitch is practically family. Boy, something major must have happened while I was downstairs, 'cause I come back and you're-and you're BFF with a demon?
Sam: I told you, Dean, she helped me go after Lilith.
Dean: Well thanks for the thumbnail. Real vivid. You want to fill in a little detail?
Sam: Sure Dean, let's trade stories. You first: how was hell?
Sam: I don't want 10 years. I don't want one year. I don't want candy! I want to trade places with Dean.
Crossroads Demon: No.
Sam: Just take me! It's a fair trade!
Crossroads Demon: No!
Sam: Why not? Lilith wants me dead. Just let Dean go, and she can have me.
Crossroads Demon: Don't you understand, Sam? It's not about your soul. Dean's in hell, right where we want him. We've got everything exactly the way we want it. You want to kill me? Go ahead. I've made peace with my lord.
Dean: That's Revelations.
Anna's Doctor: Since when does the Book of Revelations have jack-o-lanterns?
Dean: It's,a uh… a little-known translation.
Anna: (to Dean) It's really you. Oh my God. The angels talk about you. You were in Hell but Castiel pulled you out and some of them think you can help save us. (to Sam) And some of them don't like you at all.
Anna: First words I heard, clear as a bell: "Dean Winchester is saved."
Alastair: Hello again, Dean. Don't you recognize me? Oh, I forgot, I'm wearing a pediatrician. But we were so close...in Hell.
Dean: Alastair?
(Ruby enters a body that has just been disconnected from air in the hospital.)
Ruby: Who do I have to kill to get some french fries around here?
Sam (is cleaning a gun. Someone knocks on the door. He grabs a shotgun and opens the door, revealing Ruby possessing the coma girl. She holds up a piece of paper)
Ruby: Proof. This body is 100% socially conscious. I recycle. Al Gore would be proud.
Sam: You grabbed a coma patient?
Ruby: You didn't want me to take a body with someone in it, and I made sure that the spirit was gone. Apartment was empty. You happy?
Sam: Why are you here?
Ruby: I can't bring Dean back. But I can get you something else that you want.
Sam: And, uh... what's that?
Ruby: Lilith.
Sam: You want me to use my psychic whatever.
Ruby: Look, I know that it spooks you...
Sam: Skip the speech. I'm ready. Let's go.
Ruby: Slow down there, cowboy.
Sa,: Just tell me what I have to do.
Ruby: Look, Lilith is one scary bitch. When I was in the Pit, there was talk. She's cooking up something big -- apocalyptic big.
Sam: So let's kill her.
Ruby: You want to go in there and half-ass it like before? We have the time to get it right. Let's get it right.
Sam: Okay. What do you want from me?
Ruby: Well, a little patience... and sobriety. Promise me that... and I will teach you everything I know.
(Dean interrupts Sam's story - right at the part where he's having sex with Ruby)
Dean: Sam?
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: Too much information.
Sam: Hey, I told you I was coming clean.
Dean: Yeah, well, now I feel dirty. Okay, well, uh, brain-stabbing imagery aside... So far, all you've told me about is a manipulative bitch who, uh, screwed you, played mind games with you, and did everything in the book to get you to go bad.
Sam: Yeah, well, there's more to the story.
Dean: Just... Skip the nudity, please.
Sam: Ruby?
Maid: Okay, yeah, so I'm possessing this maid for a hot minute. Sue me.
Sam: What about...
Maid: Coma girl? Slowly rotting on the floor back at the cabin with Anna, so I've got to hurry back. See you when you get there. Go!
Dean: I guess I...uh... you know?
Ruby: What?
Dean: I guess I owe you. For Sam, I just...you know
Ruby: Don't strain yourself.
Dean: Okay then. Is the moment over? Good, cause that was awkward.

Heaven and Hell [4.10]

Dean: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I know she’s wiretapping your angel chats or whatever but that’s no reason to gank her.
Uriel: Don’t worry. I’ll kill her gentle.
Castiel: She’s far from innocent.
Uriel: Give us the girl.
Dean: Sorry. Get yourself another one. Try JDate.
Uriel: Who’s gonna stop us? You two? Or this demon whore? (grabs Ruby and throws her into a window)
Dean: Iron walls drenched in salt. Demon’s can’t even touch the joint.
Ruby: Which I find racist by the way.
Sam: Where’s Bobby?
Dean: Ahh, Dominican. He said if we break anything we buy it.
Sam: Is He working a job?
Dean: God, I hope so. Otherwise, he's at hedonism in a banana hammock and a trucker cap.
Sam: Now that's seared in my brain.
Sam: She was convinced that he wasn't her real daddy.
Dean: Who was? The plumber, hmmm? A little snake in the pipes?
Sam: Dude, you're confusing reality with porn again. Look, Anna didn’t say, she just kept repeating that this real father of hers was mad. Like very mad, like wanted to kill her mad.
Pamela: Sam, is that you?
Sam: I'm right here.
Pamela: Oh. Know how I can tell? That perky little ass of yours. You could bounce a nickel off that thing.
Pamela: You’ve been eyeing my rack. Don’t sweat it kiddo, I’ve still got more senses than most.
Dean: So, you just forgot you were God’s little Power Ranger?
Anna: The older I got, the longer I was human, yeah.
Ruby: I don’t think you all appreciate how completely screwed we are.
Dean: That’s another question why would you fall? Why would you want to be one of us?
Anna: You don’t mean that.
Dean: I don’t? A bunch of miserable bastards; I mean, eating, crapping, confused, afraid-
Anna: I don't know, there’s loyalty, forgiveness, love-
Dean: Pain-
Anna: Chocolate cake-
Dean: Guilt-
Anna: Sex.
Dean: Yeah, you got me there.
Ruby: What?
Dean: Nothing. It's just… an angel and a demon, riding in the back seat. It's like the setup to a bad joke. Or a Penthouse Forum letter.
Sam: Dude. Reality. Porn.
Dean: You call this reality?
(Anna kisses Dean)
Dean: What was that for?
Anna: You know ... my last night on Earth ... all that.
Dean: You're stealing my best line.
Uriel: Look at that. It's so cute when monkeys wear clothes.
Dean: Don't normally see you off leash. Where's your boss?
Uriel: Castiel? Well, he's, uh, he's not here. You see, he has this weakness. He likes you.
Uriel: You cut yourself a slice of... angel food cake. Didn't you? Huh? You did.
Uriel: How dare you come in this room... you pussing sore?
Alastair: Name-calling. That hurt my feelings... you sanctimonious, fanatical prick.
Dean: Well, what are you guys waiting for? Go get Anna... Unless, of course, you're scared.
Uriel: This isn't over.
Dean: Oh, it looks over to me, junkless.
Dean: I know you heard him.
Sam: Who?
Dean: Alastair. What he said... About how I had promise.
Sam: I heard him.
Dean: You're not curious?
Sam: Dean, I'm damn curious. But you're not talking about hell, and I'm not pushing.
Dean: It wasn't four months, you know.
Sam: What?
Dean: It was four months up here, but down there... I don't know. Time's different. It was more like 40 years.
Sam: Oh, my God.
Dean: They, uh... They sliced and carved and tore me in ways that you... until there was nothing left. And then, suddenly... I would be whole again... Like magic... Just so they could start in all over. And Alastair... At the end of every day... every one... He would come over. And he would make me an offer. To take me off the rack... If I put souls on...if I started the torture. And every day, I told him to stick it where the sun shines. For 30 years, I told him. But then I couldn't do it anymore, Sammy. I couldn't. And I got off that rack. God help me, I got right off it, and I started ripping them apart. I lost count of how many souls. The... the things that I did to them.
Sam: Dean... Dean, look, you held out for 30 years. That's longer than anyone would have.
Dean: How I feel... This... inside me... I wish I couldn't feel anything, Sammy I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing.

Family Remains [4.11]

Sam: What are you doing?
Dean: What's it look like I'm doing?
Sam: Like you're looking for a job.
Dean: Yahtzee.
Dean: Boy, three bedrooms, two baths, and one homicide. This place is gonna sell like hotcakes.
Sam: It's probably a dumbwaiter. All these old houses had them.
Dean: Know-It-All.
Sam: What?
Dean: What?
Sam: You said...
Dean: What?
Sam: Never mind.
Dean: Well, that's super disturbing.
Sam: Think it got left behind?
Dean: By who? Unless Bill Gibson likes to play with doll heads.
Kate: Did anyone bother to check if we get a signal out here?
Brian: Actually I did Kate, but we decided to move anyway just to ruin your life.
Kate: Another motel? Awesome Dad. I hope this one has hooker sheets like the last one.
(seeing the family in the haunted house)
Dean: Crap! So, what now?
Sam: We could tell them the truth.
Dean: Really?
Sam: No, not really.
Kate: I just got molested by Casper the Pervy ghost! That's what happened!
Dean: What kind of ghost messes with a man's wheels?!?
Danny: You hunt ghosts?
Dean: That's right.
Danny: Like Scooby-Doo?
Dean: Better.
Dean: Please nobody grab my leg, please nobody grab my leg!
Sam: You were in Hell, Dean. But maybe you did what you did there... but you're not them. They were barely human.
Dean: No, you're right. I wasn't like them. I was worse. They were animals, Sam. Defending territory. Me? I did it for the sheer pleasure.
Sam: What?
Dean: I enjoyed it, Sam. They took me off the rack, and I tortured souls, and I liked it. All those years; all that pain. Finally getting to deal some out yourself... I didn't care who they put in front of me, because that-that pain I felt, it just slipped away. No matter how many people I save, I can't change that. I can't fill this hole. Not ever.

Criss Angel Is A Douchebag [4.12]

Charlie: Is he wearing eye-liner?
Vernon: Can’t tell. I’m blinded by all the sterling silver.
Charlie and Vernon: What a douchebag.
Vernon: Oh, come on Jay, his misdirect is shaking his ass like an Eighth Avenue hooker.
Jay: Ah, who cares if it kills me? At least I’ll go out with a headline.
Dean: What a douchebag.
Sam: That's Jeb Dexter.
Dean: I don't even want to know how you know that.
Sam: He's famous, kind of.
Dean: For what, douchebaggery?
Dean: I can't believe people actually fall for that crap.
Sam: It's not all crap.
Dean: What part of that was not a steaming pile of B.S.?
Sam: Okay, that was crap but that’s not all magicians. It takes skill.
Dean: Oh, right, right, I forgot, you were actually into this stuff, weren’t you? I mean, you had like a deck of cards and a wand?
Sam: Dude, I was thirteen. It was a phase.
Vernon: What a douchebag.
Dean: Couldn’t agree more.
Chief: You are really gonna get it tonight, big boy.
Dean: There's been a misunderstanding. I, uh, think I've been had.
Chief: Oh, you ain't been had, till you been had by the Chief. Oh, and before we get started, what's your safe word?
Sam: What are you doing here, Ruby?
Ruby: I should be asking you the same thing.
Sam: I'm working a job.
Ruby: The whole world's about to be engulfed in hellfire, and you're here in Magictown, U.S.A.
Sam: You got something against magic?
Dean: Find anything interesting?
Sam: What? No. You?
Dean: Nothin’ I wanna talk about...or think about ever again.
Dean: The Chief, huh?
Charlie: What’s the matter? Chief not your type?
Dean: Y’know, I could have you both arrested for obstruction of justice.
Vernon: How? You’re no Fed.
Charlie: We con people for a living, son. Takes more than a fake badge to get past us.
Dean: You got us. Yeah, we-we are actually...aspiring magicians.
Sam: Yeah, we-we came to the convention ‘cos we thought we could learn somethin’.
Dean: Yeah, get some ideas for our new show.
Vernon: Oooh, what kinda show?
Dean: It’s-it’s, ah...
Sam: It’s a brother act.
Dean: Yeah! Yeah, you know with rings and doves and...rings.
Sam: Do you think we will?
Dean: What?
Sam: Die before we get old.
Dean: Haven't we both already?
Sam: You know what I mean, Dean. I mean, do you think we'll still be chasing demons when we're 60.
Dean: No. I think we'll be dead. For good. Why, do you want to end up like... like Travis? Or Gordon, maybe?
Sam: There's Bobby.
Dean: Oh yeah, there's a poster child for growing old gracefully.
Sam: I just wish there was a way we could go after the source, that's all. Cut the head off the snake.
Dean: Well the problem with the snake is that it has a thousand heads. Evil bitches just keep piling out of the Volkswagen.
Dean: Yeah, it’s time we had a little chat with Jay. Any luck tailin’ him?
Sam: He slipped me.
Dean: He’s a sixty-year-old.
Sam: He’s a magician.
Sam: Wow, it’s like a magic museum.
Dean: You must be in heaven.
Dean: I ain't Steve Guttenberg and this ain't Cocoon.
Jay: Charlie was like my brother and now he's dead because I did the right thing. He offered me a gift and I just threw it back in his face, so now I have to spend the rest of my life old and alone. What's so right about that?

Afterschool Special [4.13]

Dean: Today you will have the honor of playing one of the greatest games ever invented. A game of skill, agility, cunning. A game with one simple rule. Dodge.
Sam: Having fun?
Dean: The whistle makes me their god.
Sam: Right. Nice shorts.
Dean: I had to, uh, break into the principal's office to get this. Oh, and, uh, FYI, three of the cheerleaders are legal. Guess which ones.
Sam: No.
Young Dean: That kid's dead.
Young Sam: Dean.
Young Dean: I'm gonna rip his lungs out!
Young Sam: It's not a big deal.
Young Dean: Not a big deal? Sammy, look at yourself. If Dad was here...
Young Sam: He's not.
Young Dean: Well, I am. And as soon as I'm finished with that dick...
Young Sam: Just shut up, okay? I don't need your help.
Young Dean: That's right, you don't. You could've torn him apart, so why didn't you?
Young Sam: Because I don't wanna be the freak for once, Dean. I wanna be normal.
Young Sam: Any word from Dad?
Young Dean: He called this morning, says it's going to be another week, at least. We weren't supposed to be here this long.
Young Sam: At least you got Amanda. She's cool.
Young Dean: Dude, she wants me to meet her parents. I don't do parents.
Mr. Wyatt: Do you want to go into the family business, Sam?
Young Sam: No one's ever asked me that before.
Mr. Wyatt: Well?
Young Sam: More than anything, no.
Dean: That ghost is dead. I'm gonna rip its lungs out! ...Well, you know what I mean.
Dean: Go have your Robin Williams "O Captain! My Captain!" moment.
Dean: Ghost getting creative--well, that's super.
Dean: All right, everybody stay where you are. You'll be okay.
Jock on Bus: Aren't you the P.E. teacher?
Dean: Not really. I'm like 21 Jump Street. The bus driver sells pot. Yeah.
(an athlete collapses on top of Sam)
Sam: Little help.
Dean: He's giving you the full cowgirl.

Sex and Violence [4.14]

Mr. Benson: Her name was... Jasmine.
Sam: She was a stripper?
Dean: Dude, her name was Jasmine.
Sam: Rough night?
Dr. Cara Roberts: Fun night. Rough morning.
Dean: (to Sam) Dude, you totally c-blocked me.
Sam: You seem pretty cheery.
Dean: Strippers, Sammy. Strippers! We are on an actual case involving strippers. Finally!
Sam: I just talked to Bobby. We officially have a theory.
Dean: What's that?
Sam: Siren.
Dean: Like Greek myth siren? The Odyssey? Hey, I read.
Sam: What do you think? She infects the men during sex?
Bobby: Maybe.
Dean: Supernatural STD.
Dean: What the hell am I supposed to do with him?
Sam: Just take him to the strip club, keep an eye out for the siren. Come on, Dean. Just, just focus on the naked girls. You'll forget he's even there.
Dean: I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it for the girls.
Dean: You know, for a Fed you're not a total dick.
Nick: Aren't we both Feds?
Dean: Yeah, I know, I just... y'know, not a lot of Feds as cool as us, huh?
Cara: Haven't you ever been in a relationship where you really loved somebody and still kinda wanted to bash their head in?
Dean: Did you sleep with her?
Sam: No?
Dean: Holy crap, you did. Middle of Basic Instinct and you bang Sharon Stone? Sam, you could be under her spell right now.
Sam: Dude, I'm not under her spell
Dean: Unbelievable, man, I just don't get it.
Sam: What?
Dean: Nothing.
Sam: No, say it.
Dean: Nah, it's just first it's Madison and then Ruby and now Cara. It's like what is it with you and bangin' monsters?
Nick: Dean's all mine.
Sam: You poisoned him.
Nick: Nah, I gave him what he needed. And it wasn't some bitch in a G-string. It was you. A little brother that looked up to him. That he could trust. And now he loves me, he'd do anything for me.
Dean:Well, I dunno when it happened. Maybe when I was in Hell. Maybe when I was starin’ right at you. But the Sam I knew; he’s gone.
Sam: That so.
Dean: And it’s not the demon blood or the psychic crap...it’s the little stuff. The lies. The secrets.
Sam: Oh yeah, what secrets?
Dean: Your phone calls to Ruby, for one.
Sam: So I need your say-so to make a phone call?
Dean: That’s the point. You’re hiding things from me. What else aren’t you telling me?
Sam: None of your business.
Dean: See what I mean? We used to be in this together. We used to have each other’s backs!
Sam: Okay, fine, you wanna know why I didn’t tell you about Ruby? And how we’re hunting down Lilith? Because you’re too weak to go after her, Dean. You’re holding me back. I’m a better hunter than you are. Stronger, smarter; I can take out demons you’re too scared to go near.
Dean: That’s crap.
Sam: You’re too busy sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, whining about all the souls you tortured in Hell, boo-hoo... You’re not standin’ in my way, anymore!
Sam: Dean, look, you know I didn’t mean the things I said back there, right? That it was just the Sirens spell talking?
Dean: Of course, me too.
Sam: Okay. So... so we’re good?
Dean: Yeah, we’re good.

Death Takes a Holiday [4.15]

Sam: What?
Dean: This job is jacked that's what.
Sam: How so?
Dean: You want me to gank a monster or torch a corpse, hey, lets light it up, right? Bu- But this? If we fix whatever this is people are going to start dropping dead. Good people.
Sam: Look, I-I don't want them to die either Dean, but there's a... natural order.
Dean: You're kidding right?
Sam: What?
Dead: You don't see the irony in that? I mean, you and me, we're like the poster boys of the unnatural order. All we do is ditch death.
Sam: Yeah but the normal rules don't really apply to us. Do they?
Dean : We're no different than anybody else.
Sam : I'm infected with demon blood. You've been to Hell. Look, I know you want to think of yourself as Joe the Plumber, Dean, but you're not. Neither am I. The sooner you accept that the better off you're gonna be.
Dean: Joe the Plumber was a douche.
Alastair: You're stronger, Sam. You've been soloflexing with your little slut.
Sam: You have no idea.
Sam: How you doing?
Dean: I'm in pain that's how I'm doing. I think I have a concussion.
Sam: You want some aspirin?
Dean: No thanks, House.
Dean: Well, how come he couldn't fling you? He chucked you pretty good last time.
Sam: Got no idea.
Dean: Sam, do me a favor. If you're gonna keep your little secrets, I can't really stop you, but just don't treat me like I'm an idiot, okay?
Sam: What? Dean, I'm not keeping secrets.
Sam: Dean, reapers are invisible, the only people who can see them are the dead and the dying.
Dean: Well if ghosts are the only ones that can see them...
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: Then we become ghosts.
Sam: You do have a concussion.
Dean: Sounds crazy. I know.
Sam: It is crazy.
Pamela: I can't even begin to tell you how crazy you two are.
Sam: Well, Pamela, you are a sight for sore eyes.
Pamela: Ah, that's sweet Grumpy. What do you say to deaf people?
Pamela: Tell me something, geniuses. Even if you do break into the Veil and you find the Reaper, how you going to save it?
Dean: With style and class.
Dean: I'm so feeling up Demi Moore.
Dean: (as a ghost, sticking his hand in Sam) Am I making you uncomfortable?
Sam: Get out of me.
Dean: You're such a prude. Come on.
Cole: Yeah. Thanks, Haley Joel, I know I'm dead.
Tessa: You don't remember me?
Dean: Honestly, if I had a nickel for every time I heard a girl say that...
Dean: How the hell are we supposed to fight that?
Sam: I don't know. Learn some ghost moves?
Dean: By tonight? Yeah, sure. I'll meet you back at Mr. Miyagi's.
Cole: Who's Mr. Miyagi?
Dean: Dude! You are so Amityville!
Sam: Dude, I'm not gonna do Fight Club with a 12-year-old.
Sam: Go to Hell.
Alastair: Oh, if only I could. But they just keep sending me back up to this Arctic craphole.
Dean: What the hell?
Castiel: Guess again.

On the Head of a Pin [4.16]

Uriel: Now, you mind your tone with me.
Dean: No, you mind your damn tone with us.
Sam: We just got back from Pamela's funeral.
Dean: Pamela, you know, psychic Pamela? You remember her. Cas, you remember her. You-you burned her eyes out. Remember that? Good times!
Dean: I want to talk to Cas alone.
Uriel: I think I'll go seek... revelation. We might have some further orders.
Dean: Well, get some doughnuts while you're out.
Uriel: Ah, this one, just won’t quit, will he? I think I’m starting to like you boy. [Uriel disappears]
Dean: You guys don't walk enough. You're gonna get flabby. You know, I'm starting to think Junkless has a better sense of humor that you do.
Castiel: Uriel's the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone.
Dean: What’s goin’ on, Cas? Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?
Castiel: My superiors have begun to question my sympathies.
Dean: Your sympathies?
Castiel: I was getting to close to the humans in my charge: you. They feel I’ve begun to express emotions; doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgement.
Dean: Well, tell Uriel, or whoever, you do not want me doing this. Trust me.
Castiel: Want it, no. But I’ve been told we need it.
Dean: You ask me to open that door and walk through it, you will not like what walks back out.
Castiel: For what it’s worth, I would give anything not to have you do this.
Alastair: [singing:] Heaven. I’m in heaven. And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak. And I seem to find the happiness I seek when we’re out together and dancing cheek to cheek. [laughing] I’m sorry. This is a very serious, very emotional situation for you. I shouldn’t laugh, it’s just that, I mean, are they serious? They sent you to torture me?
Dean: You’ve got one chance. One. Tell me who’s killing the angels. I want a name.
Alastair: You think I’ll see all your scary toys and spill my guts?
Dean: Oh, you’ll spill your guts one way or another. I just didn’t want to ruin my shoes. Now answer the question.
Alastair: Or what? You’ll work me over? But then, maybe, you don’t want to. Maybe, you’re a little scared to.
Dean: I’m here, aren’t I?
Alastair: Not entirely. You left part of yourself back in the Pit. Let’s see if we can get the two of you back together again, shall we?
Dean: You’re gonna be disappointed.
Alastair: You have not disappointed me so far. Come on, you’ve gotta want a little payback for everything I did to you, for all the pokes and prods. No? Well, how about for all the things I did to your daddy?
Alastair: I had your pop on my rack for close to a century.
Dean: You can’t stall forever.
Alastair: John Winchester made quite a name for himself. A hundred years. After each session I’d... I'd make him the same offer I made you: I’d put down my blade if he picked one up...
Dean: Just give me the demon’s name, Alastair.
Alastair: ... but he said nein, each and every time... Damned if I couldn’t break him. Pulled out all the stops. But John, he was made of something unique, the stuff of heroes. And then came Dean. Dean Winchester. I thought I was up against it again. But, daddy’s little girl, he broke. He broke in thirty. Ah, just not the man your daddy wanted you to be, huh, Dean? No. Now we’re getting somewhere. Holy water? Come on. Grasshopper, you’re gonna have to get creative to impress me.
Dean: You know something, Alastair? I could still dream, even in Hell. And over and over and over, you know what I dreamt? I dreamt of this moment. And believe me... I’ve got a few ideas. Let’s get started.
Alastair: Go directly to Hell. Do not pass ‘Go’, do not collect two hundred dollars.
Alastair: I carved you into a new animal, Dean. There is no going back.
Dean: Maybe you're right. But now it's my turn to carve. (twists the knife.)
Anna: Why are you letting Dean do this?
Castiel: He’s doing God’s work.
Anna: Torturing? That’s God’s work? Stop him, Cas. Please. Before you ruin the one real weapon you have.
Castiel: Who are we to question the will of God?
Anna: Unless this isn’t His will.
Castiel: Then where do the orders come from?
Anna: I don’t know. One of our superiors maybe. But not Him.
Anna: The Father you love, you think He wants this? You think He’d ask this of you? You think this is righteous? What you’re feeling, it’s called doubt. These orders are wrong and you know it. But you can do the right thing. You’re afraid, Cas. I was too. [places her hand on top of his] But, together we can s—
Castiel: Together? [removes his hand from under hers] I am nothing like you. You fell. Go.
Anna: Cas...
Castiel: Go.
Alastair: Sorry. Something caught in my throat...I think it's my throat.
Alastair: You know, it was supposed to be your father. He was supposed to bring it on. But in the end, it was you.
Dean: Bring what on?
Alastair: Every night, the same offer, remember? Same as your father, and finally you said sign me up. Oh, the first time you picked up my razor, the first time you sliced into that weeping bitch. That was the first seal.
Dean: You're lying.
Alastair: "And it is written that the first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds blood in hell. As he breaks, so shall it break." We had to break the first seal before any others, only way to get the dominoes to fall, right? Top of the one at the front of the line. When we win, when we bring on the Apocalypse and burn this earth down, we'll owe it all to you, Dean Winchester. Believe me, son, I wouldn't lie about that. It's kind of a religious sort of thing, I think.
Dean: No, I don't think you are lying. But even if the demons do win, you won't be there to see it.
Alastair: You’ve got a lot to learn, boy. So I’ll see you back in class, bright and early, Monday morning.
Alastair: Lilith is not behind this. She wouldn’t kill seven angels. She’d kill a hundred, a thousand. Oh, go ahead. Send me back. If you can.
Sam: I’m stronger than that now. Now I can kill. [uses his power to kill Alastair]
Castiel: Lucifer is not God.
Uriel: God isn't God any more.
Castiel: You can't win, Uriel. I still serve God.
Uriel: You haven't even met the man. [punches Castiel between each sentence] There is no will. No wrath. No God. [suddenly a blade emerges from his throat]
Anna: Maybe, maybe not. But there's still me. [removes the blade and Uriel dies in a burst of bright light leaving his wings seared into the floor]
Castiel: Are you alright?
Dean: No thanks to you.
Castiel: You need to be more careful.
Dean: You need to learn how to manage a damn Devil’s Trap.
Castiel: That’s not what I mean. Uriel is dead.
Dean: Was it the demons?
Castiel: It was disobedience. He was workin’ against us.
Dean: Is it true? Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this?
Castiel: Yes. When we discovered Lilith’s plan for you, we laid siege to Hell. And we fought our way to get to you before you –
Dean: Jump-started the apocalypse.
Castiel: We were too late.
Dean: Why didn’t you just leave me there then?
Castiel: It’s not blame that falls on you, Dean. It’s fate. The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it. You have to stop it.
Dean: Lucifer? The apocalypse? What does that mean? Hey! Don’t you go disappearing on me you son-of-a-bitch. What does that mean?
Castiel: I don’t know.
Dean: Bull!
Castiel: I don’t. Dean, they don’t tell me much. I know our fate rests with you.
Dean: Well, then you guys are screwed. I can’t do it, Cas. It’s too big. Alastair was right. I’m not all here, I’m not st—I’m not strong enough. Well, I guess I’m not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It’s not me.

It's a Terrible Life [4.17]

Ian: What do you think of, uh, Mimi?
Sam: She’s okay.
Ian: Might have to hit that.
Sam: Oh, dude, that’s totally age inappropriate.
Ian: Experience.
Sam: Eh...Trifocals.
Sam: Can I ask you a question?
Dean: Look, man, I told you, I'm not into the, uh...
Sam: Oh dude, come on, I'm not either. I just wanna ask you one question.
Sam: I just can't shake this feeling like I... like I don't belong here. You know what I mean? Like I should do something more than sit in a cubicle.
Dean: I think most people who work in a cubicle feel that same way.
Dean: We do what I do best, Sammy. Research.
Sam: Okay. Did you just call me "Sammy"?
Dean: Did I?
Sam: I think you did. Yeah. Don't.
Ed Zeddemore: We know why you’re watching.
Harry Spengler: You’ve got a problem.
Ed: A ghost problem.
Harry:A ghost related problem. A ghost, it’s like a ghost adjacent pro- it’s like a problem that’s ghost—
Ed: Whatever.
Ed: First, salt; it's like acid to ghosts.
Harry: Burny acid.
Ed: Not LSD.
Harry: No, it's a bad trip for ghosts.
Ed: Next little trick, we learnt this from those... useless douchebags...
Harry: That we hate...
Ed: ...The Winchesters. Gun.
Harry: Shotgun shell.
Ed: Pack it up with fresh rock salt. Very effective.
Harry: ... very effective.
Ed: Winchesters still suck ass though.
Harry: Affirmative. Suckage major.
Harry: The aforementioned super annoying Winchester douchnozels also taught us this one other thing.
Ed: You have to burn the remains. Okay, this next part gets a little gross. Sometimes you might have to dig up the body. Sorry.
Harry: It's illegal in some states.
Ed: All states.
Harry: Possibly all states.
Ed: Fight well, young lions.
Dean: Details are everything! You don't want to go fighting ghosts without any health insurance.
Zachariah: You should see my découpage.
Dean: [brief pause] Gross... no, thank you.
Zachariah: Real place, real haunting. Just plunked you in the middle without the benefit of your memories.
Dean: Just to shake things up? Hmm? So you guys can have fun watching us run around like assclowns in monkey suits!?
Zachariah: To prove to you that the path you're on is truly in your blood. You're a Hunter. Not because your dad made you, not because God called you back from Hell, but because it is what you are and you love it, you'll find you to it in the dark every single time and you're miserable without it. Dean, let's be real here. You're good at this.
Zachariah: You'll do everything you're destined to do, all of it. But I know, I know, you're not strong enough, you're scared, you got daddy issues, you can't do it, right?
Dean: Angel or not, I will stab you in your face.
Zachariah: All I'm saying is, it's how you look at it. Most folks live and die without moving anything more than the dirt it takes to bury them. You get to change things, save people, maybe even the world. All the while you drive a classic car and fornicate with women. This isn't a curse, it's a gift. So for God's sakes, Dean, quit whining about it. Look around: there are plenty of fates worse than yours. So you with me? You want to go steam yourself another latte, or are you ready to stand up and be who you really are?

The Monster at the End of this Book [4.18]

Dean: (reading a Supernatural book) This is freakin' insane. How's this guy know all this stuff?
Sam: You got me.
Dean: Everything is in here, I mean everything, from the racist truck to-to me having sex. I'm full frontal in here, dude.
Dean: There's Sam girls and Dean girls. And what's a slash fan?
Sam: As in... Sam slash Dean. Together.
Dean: Like... together together?
Sam: Yeah.
Dean: They do know we're brothers, right?
Sam: Doesn't seem to matter.
Dean: Ah, come on. That... that's just sick.
Sam: Well, we're hoping that our article can... shine a light on an under-appreciated series.
Sera: Yeah! Yeah, I mean, because, you know, if we got a little bit of good press, then maybe we could start publishing again!
Dean: No, no, no. God no. I mean, why, why would you want to do that? You know, it's uh...such a complete series. What with Dean going to Hell and all.
Sera: Oh my God, that was one of my favorite ones because Dean was so... strong and sad and brave. And Sam... oh, I mean the best parts are when they cry, you know, like in... in "Heart." When Sam had to kill Madison, the first woman since Jessica he really loved. And in "Home," when Dean had to call John and ask him for help. If only real men were so open and in touch with their feelings.
Dean: Real men?
Sera: Oh... I mean, no offense. How often do you cry like that, hmm?
Dean: Well, right now I'm crying on the inside.
Sera: Is that supposed to be funny?
Dean: Lady, this whole thing is funny.
Chuck: Look, uh, I appreciate your enthusiasm. Really, I do. It's-it's always nice to hear from fans. But for your own good I strongly suggest you get a life.
Chuck: ... Oh, you're still there.
Dean: Yup.
Chuck: You're not a hallucination.
Dean: Nope.
Chuck: Well... there's only one explanation. Obviously, I'm a God.
Sam: We think you're probably just psychic.
Chuck: No. If I were psychic, you think I'd be writing? Writing is hard.
Dean: I'm sitting in a laundromat, reading about myself sitting in a laundromat, reading about myself. My head hurts.
Sam: There's gotta be something this guy's not telling us.
Dean: [reading] "Sam tossed his gigantic darks into the machine. He was starting to have doubts about Chuck, about whether he was telling the whole truth."
Sam: Stop it.
Dean: [reading] "'Stop it,' Sam said." Guess what you do next.
Sam: [turns away from Dean]
Dean: '[reading] "Sam turned his back on Dean, his face brooding and pensive." I mean, I dunno how he's doing it, but this guy is doing it. I can't see your face, but those're definitely your brooding and pensive shoulders.
Sam: .....
Dean: [glances down at Chuck's writings] ... you just thought I was a dick.
Sam: [turns back to Dean] Guy's good.
Dean: It frustrates me when you say such reckless things.
Sam: Well, it frustrates me when you'd rather hide than fight.
Dean: Oh my God! This is delicious! Tofu is amazing!
Waitress: I am so sorry! I gave you the bacon cheeseburger by mistake.
Dean: Behave yourself, would you? No homework. Watch some porn.
Chuck: Dean.
Dean: I take it you knew I'd be here.
Chuck: You look terrible.
Dean: It's because I just got hit by a minivan, Chuck.
Chuck: Oh.
Dean: That it? Every damn thing you write about me comes true, that's all you have to say is "oh"?!
Castiel: (commandingly) Dean, let him go! This man is to be protected.
Dean: Why?
Castiel: He’s a prophet of the Lord.
Chuck: You... you’re Castiel. Aren’t you?
Castiel: It’s an honor to meet you, Chuck. I admire your work.
Dean: Whoa whoa whoa. What, this guy, a prophet? Come on! He’s practically a penthouse forum writer! (to Chuck) Did you know about this?
Chuck: I uh - I might have dreamt about it.
Dean: And you didn’t tell us?
Chuck: It was too preposterous. Not to mention arrogant; I mean writing yourself into the story is one thing, but as a prophet? That's like M. Night-level douchiness.
Dean: (to Castiel) This is the guy who decides our fate?
Castiel: He isn't deciding anything. He's a mouthpiece, a conduit for the inspired word.
Dean: The word? The word of God? What, like the New New Testament?
Castiel: One day, these books, they'll be known as the Winchester Gospel.
Dean & Chuck: You gotta be kidding me.
Dean: Him? Really?
Castiel: You should've seen Luke...
Dean: Why’d he get tapped?
Castiel: I don’t know how prophets are chosen. The order comes from high up on the celestial chain of command.
Dean: How high?
Castiel: Very.
Dean: Well whatever. How do we get around this?
Castiel: Around... what?
Dean: This Sam-Lillith love connection! How do we stop it from happening?
Castiel: What the prophet has written can’t be unwritten. As he has seen it, so it shall come to pass.
Sam: You think I'll do it, don't you? You think I'll go darkside.
Dean: Yes! Okay? Yes. The way you've been acting lately! The things you've been doing! Oh, I know. How you ripped Alistair apart like it was nothing, like you were swatting a fly. Cas told me, okay?
Sam: ... What else did he tell you?
Dean: Nothing I don't already know. That you've been using your psychic crap and you've been getting stronger, we just don't know why, we don't know how.
Sam: It's not what you think...
Dean: Then what is it, Sam?! 'Cause I'm at a total loss!
Dean: Well, I feel stupid doing this, but... I am fresh out of options. So please. I need some help. I’m praying, okay? Now come on! Please.
Castiel: Prayer is a sign of faith. This is a good thing, Dean.
Dean: So does that mean you’ll help me?
Castiel: I’m not sure what I can do.
Dean: Drag Sam out of here now, before Lillith shows up!
Castiel: It’s a prophecy. I can’t interfere.
Dean: You have tested me, and thrown me every which way. And I have never asked for anything. Not a damn thing. But now I’m asking. I need your help. Please.
Castiel: What you’re asking, it’s not within my power to do.
Dean: Why, cause it’s divine prophecy?
Castiel: Yes.
Dean: So what, we’re just supposed to sit around and-and wait for it to happen?
Castiel: I’m sorry.
Dean: Screw you. You and your mission. Your God. If you don’t help me now, then when the time comes and you need me? Don’t bother knocking.
Castiel: Dean. Dean!
Dean: What?
Castiel: You must understand why I can’t intercede. Prophets are very special, they’re protected.
Dean: I get that.
Castiel: If anything threatens a prophet, anything at all - an archangel will appear to destroy that threat. Archangels are fierce. They’re absolute. They’re Heaven’s most terrifying weapon.
Dean: And these archangels, they’re tied to prophets?
Castiel: Yes.
Dean: So if a prophet was in the same room as a demon...
Castiel: Then the most fearsome wrath of Heaven would rain down on that demon. Just so you understand... why I can’t help.
Dean: Thanks, Cas.
Castiel: Good luck.
Chuck: What're you doing here? I didn't write this.
Dean: Come on, I need you to come with me.
Chuck: What? Where?
Dean: To the motel where Sam is.
Chuck: That's where Lilith is.
Dean: Yeah, exactly, I need you to stop her.
Chuck: Are you insane? Lilith?! I know what she's capable of, Dean. I wrote her.
Dean: This isn't a story anymore, man! This is real! And you're in it. Now I need you to get off your ass, and fight. Come on Chuck.
Chuck: ... no friggin' way.
Dean: Okay, well then how 'bout this? I've got a gun in my pocket, and if you don't come with me, I'll blow your brains out.
Chuck: I thought you said I was protected by an Archangel.
Dean: ... interesting exercise. Let's see who the quicker draw is.
Chuck: I am the prophet, Chuck!
Zachariah: Did you see it?
Chuck: Who are you?
Zachariah: I’m Zachariah. You may know me from your work.
Chuck: What do you want?
Zachariah: Did you see it?
Chuck: Is it true? Is all of that really going to happen?
Zachariah: Have you been wrong so far?
Chuck: I gotta warn Sam and Dean!
Zachariah: I wouldn’t advise it. People shouldn’t know too much about their own destiny. You try, and I’ll stop you. Where are you going?
Chuck: To go kill myself.
Zachariah: Don't be melodramatic, Chuck. We'd only bring you back to life.
Chuck: What am I supposed to do?
Zachariah: What you always do. Write.

Jump the Shark [4.19]

Dean: Now I’m thinking about dad sex, stop talking.
Sam: Maybe he slipped one past the goalie.
Dean: Dude!
Adam: He's a mechanic, right?
Dean: A car fell on him.
Adam: Okay, so basically you're saying that every movie monster, every nightmare that I've ever had, that's all real.
Dean: Godzilla's just a movie.
Adam: How can I help?
Dean: You can't.
Adam: This thing killed my mom. If you're hunting it, I want in.
Dean: No.
Sam: Dean, look maybe...
Dean: (interrupting) Maybe what?
Sam: He lost his mother. Maybe we can understand what that feels like.
Dean: Why do you think dad never told us about this kid, Sam, huh? Why do you think he ripped out the pages?
Sam: Because...
Dean: (interrupting) Because he was protecting him!
Sam: Dad's dead, Dean.
Dean: It doesn't matter! He didn't want Adam to have our lives, okay? And we're gonna respect his wishes.
Adam: Do I get a say in this?
Dean and Sam (in unison): No!
Graveyard Caretaker: Tell me, Agent Nugent, have you thought about where you might like to spend eternity?
Dean: All the damn time.
(Montage of Sam and Adam salting all the windows and boarding up all but one of the vents in Adam's house.)
Sam: Alright, we've closed off every other way into the house. If this thing's coming, it's coming through here.
(Sound of front door creaking open.)
Adam: You were saying?
Dean: You know I finally get why you and dad butted heads so much. You two are practically the same person. I mean I worshiped the guy, y'know: I-I dressed like him, I acted like him, I listened to the same music. But you are more like him than I will ever be. I see that now.
Sam: I'll take that as a compliment.
Dean: You can take it any way you want.

The Rapture [4.20]

Castiel: We need to talk.
Dean: I'm dreaming, aren't I?
Castiel: It's not safe here... someplace more private.
Dean: More private? We're inside my head.
Castiel: Exactly. Someone could be listening.
Dean: Cas, what’s wrong?
Castiel: Meet me here. Go now.
Dean: Cas you okay?
Jimmy: Castiel - I’m not Castiel. It’s me.
Sam: Who’s me?
Jimmy: Jimmy - my name’s Jimmy.
Dean: Where the hell is Castiel?
Jimmy: He’s gone.
Dean: What were you doing anyway?
Sam: I went for a Coke.
Dean: Was it a refreshing Coke?
Dean: You look terrific.
Anna: Uh, yeah... Not the most appropriate time, Dean.
Claire: Hi Daddy!
Jimmy: Hi baby.
Amelia: Okay, so we have turkey and roast beef... it better be okay, it’s all we have.
Jimmy: Oh it’s fine. It's more than fine. Should we sit?
Amelia: Yeah.
Jimmy: It’s perfect (picks up a sandwich)
Claire: Daddy? Aren’t you going to say grace?
Jimmy: No honey, I don’t think I am.
Claire: Why are you crying?
Jimmy: Because I’m happy.
Sam: You have to come with us.
Jimmy: How long? And don't give me that "cross that bridge when we get to it" crap.
Sam: Don't you get it? Forever. The demons will never stop. You can never be with your family. So, you either get as far away from them as possible. Or you put a bullet in your head, And that's how you keep your family safe. But there's no getting out and there's no going home.
Dean: Well don't sugarcoat it, Sam.
Sam: I got a little dizzy.
Dean: Look, you can call it whatever you want. Point is, you used to be strong enough to kill Alastair. Now you can't even kill Stunt Demon #3.
Sam: What do you want me to say about it Dean?
Dean: For starters, what's going on with your mojo? I mean it's yo-yoing all over the place. I'm not trying to pick a fight here, okay? I just-you're scaring me man.
Sam: I'm scaring myself.
Jimmy: Castiel you son of a bitch! You promised me my family would be okay, you promised you were gonna take care of them! I gave you everything you asked me to give, I gave you more! This is the thanks I get? This is what you do? This is your Heaven? Help me, please! You promised, Cas! Just help me!
Castiel/Claire: Of course we keep our promises. Of course you have our gratitude. You served us well. Your work is done. It’s time to go home now. Your real home. You’ll rest forever in the fields of the Lord. Rest now, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Claire!
Castiel/Claire: She’s with me now. She’s chosen. It’s in her blood. As it was in yours.
Jimmy: Please, Castiel. You need to take me. Take me, please.
Castiel/Claire: I want to make sure you understand. You won’t die, or age. If this last year was painful for you, picture a hundred. A thousand more like it.
Jimmy: It doesn’t matter! You take me! Just take me.
Castiel/Claire: As you wish.
Dean: Cas, hold up. What were you gonna tell me?
Castiel: I learned my lesson while I was away Dean. I serve Heaven, I don't serve man. And I certainly don't serve you.
Sam: You saw what I did, come on, stop the car, take a swing!
Dean: I'm not gonna take a swing.
Sam: Then scream, chew me out!
(Bobby, Sam, and Dean are standing outside Bobby's panic room)
Bobby: Go on inside, I want to show you something. (Sam walks in)
Sam: Alright. So, uh, what's the big demon problem?
Bobby: You are. This is for your own good (locks Sam inside the panic room).

When the Levee Breaks [4.21]

Sam: I'm not drinking the demon blood for kicks. I'm getting strong enough to kill Lilith.
Dean: How long is this gonna go on?
Bobby: Here, let me look it up in my demon-detox manual. Oh, wait. No one ever wrote one.
Young Sam: The answer is yes, you're hallucinating. That's right, it's me, or I mean it's you
Sam: I'm losing my mind.
Young Sam: Definitely.
Sam: What do you want?
Young Sam: An explanation. How could you do this to me? I thought we were gonna be normal.
Sam: I tried, I did. It didn't pan out that way. Sorry kid.
Young Sam: Sorry kid, that's what you have to say? It's all we ever wanted. We were so close! You got away from dad, you quit hunting, you were gonna become a lawyer and get married. Why'd you blow it?
Sam: Look, they killed Jessica.
Young Sam: Yeah, and if you hadn't run off with Dean, if you had been there to protect her, she'd still be alive.
Sam: I know.
Young Sam: Think Jess would want you to turn into this? She loved you! You think she'd be happy, you using her as an excuse?
Sam: I'm sorry, I am, but life doesn't turn out the way you thought it would when you were 14 years old. We were never gonna be normal, we were never gonna get away. Grow up.
Young Sam: Maybe you're right, maybe there's, no escape. After all, how can you run from what's inside you? [eyes turn yellow]
Dean: Cut the crap. You were gonna tell me something.
Castiel: Nothing of import.
Dean: You got ass-reamed in Heaven but it was not "of import"?
Castiel: Get to the reason you really called me; it's about Sam, right?
Dean: ... Can he do it? Kill Lilith? Stop the Apocalypse?
Castiel: Possibly, yes. But, as you know, he would have to take certain steps.
Dean: Crank up the hell-blood regimen.
Castiel: Consuming the amount of blood it would take to kill Lilith would change your brother forever; most likely he would become the next creature that you would feel compelled to kill.
Castiel: [to Dean] Stand up, and accept your role. You are the one who will stop it.
Castiel: Do you give yourself over wholly to the service of God and His angels?
Dean: Yeah, exactly.
Castiel: Say it.
Dean: I give myself over wholly to serve God and you guys.
Bobby: Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but you willingly signed up to be the angels' bitch? I'm sorry. You prefer "sucker"?
(Sam unlocks the door to Bobby's car and sees Bobby standing behind him with a shot gun, Sam slowly stands)
Bobby: (cocks shotgun) Uh-uh Sam, the only place you're going is back inside with me.
Sam: No
Bobby: Damn it, boy.
Sam: You won't shoot me Bobby.
Bobby: Don't test me.
Sam: You won't do it. (walks forward until Bobbby's gun is pressed to his stomach) You can't do it.
Bobby: We're trying to help you, Sam.
Sam: (places one hand on the barrel of the gun and raises it to his heart) Then shoot.
Dean: Yeah, well, I'll tell you one thing. At this point, I hope he's with Ruby.
Bobby: Why?
Dean: 'Cause killing her is the next big item on my to-do list.
Bobby: I thought you were on call for angel duty.
Dean: I am on call, in my car, on my way to murder the bitch.
Sam: Stop bossing me around, Dean! Look, my whole life you take the wheel, you call the shots, and I trust you because you are my brother. Now, I am asking you, for once, trust me.
Dean: No. You don't know what you're doing, Sam.
Sam: Yes, I do!
Dean: Then that's worse!
Sam: Why? Look I'm telling you-
Dean: Because it's not something that you're doing, it's what you are! It means...
Sam: What? No. Say it!
Dean: It means you're a monster.
Sam: You don't know me. You never did, and you never will.
Dean: If you walk out that door, don't you ever come back.

Lucifer Rising [4.22]

Azazel: I suppose some dumb bastard stood here, felt a jolt of his holy juice and thought "I'm going to build me a nun factory." Well, it was the right idea... wrong angel.
Dean: I'm not even sure if he's still my brother any more. If he ever was.
Bobby: You stupid stupid son of a bitch! Well boo hoo. I am so sorry your feelings are hurt... princess! Are you under the impression that family's supposed to make you feel good? Make you an apple pie, maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family.
Dean: I told him "If you walk out that door, don't come back" and he walked out anyway .. that was his choice!
Bobby: You sound like a whiny brat... No you sound like your dad. Well let me tell you something, your dad was a coward
Dean: My dad was a lot of things, Bobby, but a coward.
Bobby: He'd rather push Sam away then reach out to him... well that don't strike me as brave... you are a better man than your daddy ever was, so you do both of us a favor... don't be him
Dean: How about this? The "Suite Life of Zach and Cas".
Zachariah: Try a burger. They're your favorite. From that seaside shack in Delaware. You were eleven, I think.
Dean: I'm not hungry.
Zachariah: No? How about Ginger from Season 2 of Gilligan's Island? You do have a thing for her, don't you?
Dean: Tempting. Weird.
Zachariah: We'll throw in Mary Anne for free.
Dean: Bail on the holodeck, okay? I want to know what the game plan is.
Zachariah: Let us worry about that. We want you... focused, relaxed.
Dean: Well, I'm about to be pissed and leaving, so start talking, Chuckles.
Zachariah: We'll do our job, you just make sure you do yours.
Dean: Yeah, and what is that, exactly? I'm supposed to be the one that stops her, how? With the knife?
Zachariah: All in good time.
Dean: Isn't now a good time?
Zachariah: Have faith.
Dean: What, in you? Give me one good reason why I should.
Zachariah: Because you swore your obedience... so obey.
Sam: Where's Lilith?
Demon: I'm not scared of you.
Sam: Yeah, you are, actually. And with good reason.
Demon: Look... what's my upside? Okay, I tell you, you kill me. I don't tell you, you still kill me. I get away somehow, Lilith will definitely kill me. So where's my carrot?
Dean: I'm still pissed, and I owe you a serious beatdown, but...I shouldn't have said what I said. I'm not dad. We're brothers, you know, we're family, and, uh, no matter how bad it gets, that doesn't change. Sammy, I'm sorry.
Ruby: (referring to disemboweled nuns) What's black and white and red all over?
Castiel: You asked to see me.
Dean: Yeah, listen, I, uh, I need something.
Castiel: Anything you wish.
Dean: I need you to take me to see Sam.
Castiel: Why?
Dean: There's something I gotta talk to him about.
Castiel: What's that?
Dean: ... The BM I took this morning, what's it to you? Just make it snappy.
Castiel: I don't think that's wise.
Dean: Well, I didn't ask you for your opinion.
Castiel: Have you forgotten what happened the last time you met?
Dean: No. That's the whole point. Listen, I'm gonna do whatever you mooks want, okay? I just need to tie up this one thing; five minutes, that's all I need.
Castiel: ... No.
Dean: ... What do you mean "no"? Are you saying that I'm trapped here?
Castiel: You can go wherever you want.
Dean: Super, I wanna go see Sam.
Castiel: Except there.
Dean: I wanna take a walk.
Castiel: Fine, I'll go with you.
Dean: Alone.
Castiel: No.
Dean: ... You know what, screw this noise; I'm outta here.
Castiel: Through what door?
Zachariah: Quit hurling feces like a howler monkey, would you? It's unbecoming.
Zachariah: Our grunts on the ground - we couldn't just tell them the whole truth. We'd have a full-scale rebellion on our hands. I mean, think about it. Would we really let 65 seals get broken unless senior management wanted it that way?
Zachariah: The apocalypse. Poor name, bad marketing, puts people off, when all it is is Ali/Foreman. On a slightly larger scale.
Dean: What happens to all the people during your little pissing contest?
Zachariah: Well, can't make an omelet without cracking a few eggs. In this case, truckloads of eggs, but you get the picture.
Zachariah: When you've won, your rewards will be unimaginable. Peace, happiness, two virgins and 70 sluts...
Dean: Tell me something. Where's God in all this?
Zachariah: God? God has left the building.
Castiel: You can't reach him, Dean. You're outside your coverage zone.
Dean: What're you gonna do to Sam?
Castiel: Nothing. He's gonna do it to himself.
Dean: What's that supposed to mean? Oh right, right. Better toe the company line. Why are you here, Cas?
Castiel: We've been through much together, you and I; I just wanted to say I'm sorry it ended like this.
Dean: Sorry? (Dean hits Castiel) It's Armageddon, Cas, you need a bigger word than "sorry."
Castiel: Try to understand; this is long foretold, this is your--
Dean: Destiny? Don't give me that "holy" crap. Destiny, God's plan... It's all a bunch of lies, you poor, stupid son of a bitch! It's just a way for your bosses to keep me and keep you in line! You know what's real? People, families - that's real. And you're gonna watch them all burn?
Castiel: What is so worth saving?! I see nothing but pain here. I see inside you, I see your guilt, your anger, confusion. In Paradise, all is forgiven. You'll be at peace. Even with Sam.
Dean: You can take your peace... and shove it up your lily-white ass. 'Cause I'll take the pain and the guilt. I'll even take Sam as is. It's a lot better than being some Stepford bitch in Paradise. This is simple, Cas! No more crap about being a good soldier; there is a right, and there is a wrong here, and you know it. Look at me! You know it! And you were gonna help me once, weren't you? You were gonna warn me about all this, before they dragged you back to Bible Camp. Help me, now. Please.
Castiel: ...What would you have me do?
Dean: Get me to Sam, we can stop this before it's too late!
Castiel: I do that, we will all be hunted! We'll all be killed!
Dean: If there is anything worth dying for... this is it... (Castiel shakes his head) You spineless, soulless son of a bitch! What do you care about dying? You're already dead. We're done.
Castiel: Dean.
Dean: We're done.
Chuck: (Speaking on the phone) Oh yeah? Really? At the same time? Really? Wow. That sounds... moist.
Woman: (On the phone, laughs) Well, it can be.
Chuck: What're your rates?
Woman: We can get you one girl, one hour, one thousand.
Chuck: ... okay, then I'll take 20 girls, for the whole night.
Woman: I'm... not sure you can afford that.
Chuck: Lady, sometimes you gotta live like there's no tomorrow. (Turns to see Dean and Castiel standing in his kitchen) ... wh--th-th-this isn't supposed to happen.
Woman: Sir?
Chuck: (Speaks hastily into the phone) No, lady, this is definitely supposed to happen, but... I just gotta call you back. (Hangs up and stares at Dean and Castiel) I...
Lilith: Don't be afraid; we're going to save the world.
Dean: (Reading from Chuck's writings) St. Mary's? What is that, a convent?
Chuck: Yeah, but... you guys aren't supposed to be there; you're not in this story.
Castiel: Yeah, well... we're making it up as we go.
Chuck: (His house begins to shake violently, as light surrounds the room) What--? Oh man... not again! (Sparks fly from his computer) Agh!
Castiel: (Shouts over the noise) It's the Archangel! (To Dean) I'll hold him off; I'll hold them all off! Just stop Sam!
Sam: I've been waiting for this for a very long time.
Lilith: Then give me your best shot.
Lilith: [Laughing] You turned yourself into a freak. A monster. And now you're not gonna bite? I'm sorry, but that is honestly adorable. [Sam uses his powers to kill her, his eyes turning black]
Ruby: I can't believe it.
Sam: Ruby, what's going on?
Ruby: You did it. I-I mean, it was a little touch and go there for a while, but you did it.
Sam: What? What-what did I do?
Ruby: You opened the door, and now he's free at last. He's free at last!
Sam: No, no, no-he, eh Lilith. I stopped her. I killed her!
Ruby: "And it is written, that the first demon shall be the last seal." And you busted her open, now guess who's coming to dinner.
Sam: Oh my god.
Ruby: Guess again!
[Dean bursts in, drawing Ruby's Knife. She turns to face him]
Ruby: You're too late.
Dean: I don't care.
[Sam grabs a shocked Ruby from behind and Dean stabs her with the knife and then twists it before pulling it out. Ruby falls to the ground, dead]
Sam: He's coming...
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