SpongeBob SquarePants/Quotes/Season 5

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Friend or Foe [5.1]

SpongeBob: Why, Mr. Krabs? Why does he hate us so?

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Mr. Krabs: Listen up Squidward, 'cause this is where it gets juicy.

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SpongeBob: Don't forget your condiments, Plankton!

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Kid Plankton: Get outta my FACE!

[He and Kid Krabs growl at each other]

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Potty the Parrot: You've got rats in the kitchen!

Rise and Shine

" Patrick: I've got to put on my teeth and brush my pants!

Sing a Song of Patrick [5.3]

Patrick: I think I wrote a poem once... [flashback to a younger Patrick, whose voice is higher-pitched]

Young Patrick: [reading from a sheet of paper] A Poem, by Patrick Star. Roses are blue, violets are red. I have to go to the bathroom. [eats the paper and burps]

Gym Teacher: How many times I gotta tell ya, this...is...gym class! [blows a whistle, and several dodgeballs are thrown at Patrick]

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Squidward: What's that horrible smell?! [sees steam coming out of SpongeBob's window] Is Patrick thinking again?

Patrick: [sticking his head out of the window] I'm making art!

Squidward: Patrick, it smells like something crawled into your brain and died.

Patrick: That's the creative process at work!

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A band member: This one's really bad! It made my eyeballs throw up!

Another band member: Oh yeah? [he takes the script and, upon reading it, his eyeballs shrivel up and turn to dust]

Director: I don't care how awful his poem is, he spent his hundred bucks already!

Band leader: C'mon guys, we're gonna do this if it kills us. A-one, and a-two, and a--

[Cuts to a graveyard: the band members apparently died after recording the song]

An eulogizer: [to Patrick] They wanted you to have this. [hands a record to Patrick]

Patrick: My song!

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SpongeBob: It's really loud!

Patrick: You need it louder? OKAY!

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"I Wrote This" Lyrics:

Twinkle Twinkle Patrick Star

I made myself a sandwich

My mommy named it Fred

It tastes like beans and bacon

And smells like it's been dead

Writing stuff is hard

So I used a pointy pencil

Pointy, pointy, pointy

Pointy, pointy, point

P.U., what's that horrible smell?

Man: Drum solo! [drum solo]

I have a head

It ends in a point

Pointy, pointy, pointy

Pointy, pointy, point

This song is over

Except for this line

You win this round

Broccoli!

A Flea In Her Dome [5.4]

[SpongeBob and Patrick are crying because they miss Sandy]

SpongeBob: Why did she have to go to the science convention and TAY-HAUS [Spanish pronounciation of "Texas"]?

Patrick: TAY-HAUS!

SpongeBob: She won't be back for one more hour, 26 minutes, and 47 seconds! [they start squirting tears at each other]

Patrick: I miss Sandy so much! Her tentacles, the way she plays clarinet, her massive nose...

SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick, that's Squidward. He's not gone; he's right here! [camera pans to Squidward planting a flower in the ground]

Squidward: No I'm not. [walks away]

SpongeBob: I sure do miss that squirrel! Her karate chopping, that 10-gallon glass dome over her dome, and who can forget those buck teeth? After Sandy gets back, we're gonna let her know how much we miss her!

Patrick: Is Sandy the one I call "mom"?

SpongeBob: No, Patrick, that's your mother. But that does give me an idea! We'll throw Sandy the mother of all welcome-home parties! Patrick, to the tree dome!

Patrick: WHOHAIE!

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SpongeBob: [singing] Welcome, home Sandy, you know that, we missed ya—

Bus Driver: NO!! NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU SING!

Sandy: Sorry, SpongeBob, he's got a fierce no-singing policy!

SpongeBob: That's quite all right, Ms. Cheeks, as long as you don't have a fierce no-partying policy!

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Patrick: [the flea bites him and makes marks on his stomach] Ahahahaha! Connect the Dots. [draws lines connecting the bite marks on his stomach] I drawed a horsey! OUCH!! Why does this flea keep biting me?

Sandy: When a flea bites you, it's because he's sucking up your blood for nutrition.

Patrick: I have been bitten by a vampire flea! NO!! I'm gonna turn into a vampire now! It's already happening! [starts going berserk]

Krabs à la Mode [5.5b]

Squidward: I'm going to go recover from hypothermia.

Spongebob: Hippo-whatia? What does that mean?

Mr. Krabs: It means he's a big fat crybaby.

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Squidward: It's freezing in here! How cold does Krabs keep this place anyway? [looks at the thermostat which reads 62 degrees, much to his disgust] 62 DEGREES!? [with confidence] I'm gonna set to a toasty 63. [turns the thermostat dial slightly clockwise; an siren goes off and a red light flashes]

Mr. Krabs: [bursts through the door to his office] WHOOOOO TOUCHED ME THERMOSTAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!? [everyone points to Squidward]

Squidward: [to Spongebob] Oh, thanks a-- [Mr. Krabs grabs him in the jugular]

Spongebob: You're welcome, Squidward.

Mr. Krabs: Squidward, you're always going on about your book club. READ THIS!! [points to a poster above the thermostat that reads "DO NOT TOUCH THERMOSTAT EVER!]

Squidward: Do not touch thermostat ever. [Mr. Krabs sets it back]

Mr. Krabs: HEAT COSTS MONEY!! There's two ways to get on me bad side, boys. I don't like kids playing in me yard, and nobody but me, touches me thermostat!

Squidward: That's totally selfish!

Spongebob: Yeah! Your yard is really fun! There are kids playing in it right now.

Mr. Krabs: WHAT?!?!?!?!

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Mr. Krabs: [having a nightmare] Someone... touching... thermostat!

Mr. Krabs: [yells that the icicles fall] Don't..touch...ME THERMOSTAT!!!

Donut Of Shame [5.9c]

Patrick: Where am I? What happened? Oh yeah, the party. I must have passed out in SpongeBob's kitchen, on the ceiling. See, SpongeBob? I told you we shouldn't stay up past 8:30, things get real crazy after 8:30. [has a flashback of last night's tea party] She really knows how to pound 'em down huh, SpongeBob... SpongeBob? [notices SpongeBob snoring with a donut in his hand] That's a good lookin' donut.

Atlantis Squarepantis

Mr Krabs: Is this some kind of joke!? Where's that gas tank?

[Song starts]

SpongeBob: A song? To sing a song? A song of wanting to move along

To a land where all our dreee--

[Falls to the floor low song stops]

SpongeBob: Sorry.

SpongeBob: To a land of all our dreeaaams can finaly come true

20,000 Patties Under the Sea [5.16a]

SpongeBob: Bye, Squidward! Bye, Mr. Krabs! [sounding flirtatious] Bye, Squidward.

Patrick: You said "Bye Squidward" twice.

SpongeBob: I like Squidward.

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Patrick: I think I fell on a rock! [shows a sharp, jagged rock in the back of his head]

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Plankton: Hello, little one! Would you like a Chum Burger?

Little Kid: Uh...does it come in raspberry?

Plankton: Umm...no...

Little Kid: Blueberry...?

Plankton: No.

Little Kid: Uhmmmmmmm...raspberry?

Plankton: Aw, c'mon kid! You already said that! Quit wasting my time!

Little Kid's Mother: Hey, you can't talk to my son that way! Who do you think you are?!

Plankton: I'm Plankton, ya old hag, and your son smells like boogers!

Husband: Hey, don't talk to my wife like that! What do you think this is?!

Plankton: Looks like it's time for you to lose some weight, fatty! That's what it is!

Husband's Grandmother: You can't talk to my grandson like that! Someone ought to put you in a mental institution!

Plankton: Someone should put you in a box floating down the river, grandma!

Husband's Grandmother: You're probably right...

Plankton: You people are crazy! I'm gettin' outta here! [people begin throwing rocks at him] Hey!

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Patrick: [talking about mysterious stomach-like thing from the abyss] It's a liquid!

Spongebob: No, it's a solid, it's a solid! [thing oozes mysterious liquid]

Spongebob and Patrick: It's a losquid...

The Battle of Bikini Bottom [5.17a]

Patrick: I happen to like my various smells and germs.

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Patrick: [after he reveals he doesn't wash his hands, much to the chagrin of Spongebob] You... [writes a "U" on a brick wall with mud] are... [writes an "R"] how do you spell "Notmyfriend"?

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Patrick: Taste pit evildoer.

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Squidward: [to Mr. Krabs] Did you get any of Patrick's gold?

Mr. Krabs: He's not digging for any gold I'm looking for!