Romance Reports

Dear Princess Luna...

I learned today that with love, as in friendship, all the books inthe world aren't enough sometimes. Just thinking about those you care about can be more wonderful than anything else. I'm learning a lot with my research so far, but I'm starting to see just how little I know. I can't wait to start trying out what I've learned with other ponies...or with you.

—Excerpt from Twilight's first letter to Princess Luna

Find nice stallion.
Flirt with him - learn how to flirt.
Go on some dates. (Requires more research conc. How to date? Where to go?)
Fall in love? (See notes page seven and eight)
Have sex? (NOTE really?)(ALSO NOTE seriously?)
End the relationship (Eye on the prize!)
Doesn't that sound a bit shallow? (That's not even a step what are you writing go to sleep)
Find statistics on average length of relationships, usual causes for breaking up
(wordless scribbles, heart shape with "TS + L" written inside)

GO TO SLEEP CHEERILEE IS BRINGING THE FIELD TRIP TOMORROW

—Twilight's plan for proving herself to Luna

Twilight Sparkle has a crush on Luna, but the Princess insists that Twilight learn some things about love and romance before they make a date. This leads to many awkward, fumbling attempts on Twilight's part to learn about relationships as she ends up turning to her friends for help to better understand the world of love. Despite a few setbacks, Twilight pushes on, knowing that Luna is worth it and eagerly writing her regular reports on her romantic progress.

Sex ensues.

Romance Reports is a My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic romance fanfic by Sleepless Brony, and although it's technically considered to be a clopfic, it's generally acknowledged by reviewers that it's much more than that. Despite the subject matter, the author manages to write perfectly in-character and utilizes excellent plotting, so that any flaws there may be are easily ignored in favor of the quality of the writing. The result is a beautiful, charming mish-mash of romance, comedy, and heartbreak as Twilight tentatively explores her newfound sexuality.

The story can be found here.

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Tropes used in Romance Reports include:

• A Date with Rosie Hooves: In chapter two, no less.
• All Love Is Unrequited: In the bonus chapter "Private Party," it's heavily implied that Pinkie's feelings for Rainbow Dash are much stronger than she's letting on. Even when Pinkie finally blurts out that she likes her, Rainbow Dash quickly dismisses the confession, choosing to misinterpret her as meaning that she likes her as a friend.
• Break the Cutie: Braeburn. Also Twilight, to an extent.
• Covert Pervert: Twilight, who ends up fantasizing about pretty much everypony at some point. Apparently Fluttershy as well, who has a secret stash of romance novels that even Rarity is embarrassed by.
• Dark and Troubled Past: Big Macintosh, as explored in the side story "Need."
• Estrogen Brigade Bait: Big Mac is considered to be so in-universe, but for some reason Applejack keeps him "off-limits." As of yet, this hasn't been explained within the context of the story.
• Everypony Has Lots Of Sex: The very premise of the story is that Luna thinks Twilight should gain some experience before entering a relationship with her.
• Everypony Is Bi: Except for Applejack and Fluttershy. Rarity insists that she's completely straight before coming to terms with it and deciding that it adds to her mystique. They even develop a version of the Kinsey scale that they rank themselves on how straight they are with.
• Fantastic Arousal: It's shown that Pegasus wings and Unicorn horns are very, very sensitive.
• Foreshadowing: By the bucket load.
• Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today?: Even after fooling around with both Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash, Rarity, for a while, insists that she is straight as an arrow.
• Hidden Depths: It turns out that the reason Applejack is so defensive of Braeburn is that he once had his heart broken by a mare that he was supposed to marry, and doesn't want something similar to happen between him and Twilight. Additionally, Rainbow Dash and Rarity really don't get along, but not for the reasons you might think. Rainbow Dash is actually still nursing a heartbreak from the time Rarity rejected her.
• I Don't Want to Ruin Our Friendship: After Twilight is rejected by Luna, she tries to find someone to rebound with; but the friends she approaches turn her down with this excuse.
• Kissing Cousins: Applejack later confesses that her first and only kiss was with her cousin Braeburn, but that they were kids and he immediately pushed her away because of her cooties.
• Kissing Under the Influence: Luna first truly noticed Twilight when she got drunk and kissed her, much to Twilight's embarrassment.
• Love At First Sight: Twilight with Luna. This is actually a plot point later when other characters begin doubting the validity of Twilight's feelings, especially when she fell in love so suddenly.
• Mare On Mare Is Hot: Rainbow Dash at least seems to think so. When they're talking about kissing at the spring festival, Pinkie Pie asks if she should show Fluttershy how to kiss "for really" and Rainbow Dash immediately begins yelling "DO IT DO IT DO IT!" and stomping her hooves. Later in chapter ten, a drunk and embittered Applejack disgustedly demands to know if she and Fluttershy, the only ones in the group that apparently haven't been having constant sex, should just get it on right then and there; Dash gets a wingboner.
• Official Couple: Although the story is about Twilight seeking romantic experience so that she can win Luna, it ends with her realizing she's in love with Cheerilee.
• Only Sane Mare: Applejack claims to be 100% straight and has never gone further than kissing, and is disturbed by how obsessed with sex everypony seems to be all of a sudden. Disturbance turns to anger when she realizes that Twilight used her cousin Braeburn for a one-night stand, and anger turns to horror when she realizes that her friends have basically all been doing each other behind her back.
• Plot With Porn: How most readers view the story, since it actually deals with the consequences of sex and the complex emotions that come with love and all it brings. Many of the recent reviews says something along the lines of "this isn't even a clopfic anymore!" Although you might not know that from looking at this article...
• Power Perversion Potential: Twilight puts her magic to considerable use, to the enjoyment of Cheerilee.
• Present Tense Narrative
• Quest for Sex: Although technically it's "love" that she's looking for, sex tends to result from the dates she goes on.
• Really Gets Around: Rainbow Dash. Until it turns out that no, she doesn't, and Twilight is in fact her first time. But not for lack of trying; she's constantly bragging about her exploits and is always trying to pick ponies up.
• Shown Their Work: The author is an English minor, and believe us, it shows.
• Secret Test of Character: After Cheerilee appears to leave Twilight, Luna offers to take Twilight into her bed then and there. Twilight refuses, giving the reason that she loves Cheerilee, and Luna compliments her decision. Played with, as Luna would gladly have bedded Twilight anyway.
• Sequel Hook: The author has confirmed that there's a sequel in the works that will tie up a few of the romantic loose ends, as well as further explore the implied Hidden Depths of characters that weren't properly examined in the first story.
• Ship Sinking: Done to the Twilight x Luna pairing.
• Ship Tease: If you ignore all of the times that ship-teasing has turned out to be actual flirting that then leads to sex, there's Fluttershy/Big Mac and Rainbow Dash/Pinkie Pie. Although it's later confirmed in chapter ten that Dash and Pinkie have, in fact, done the deed. In recent chapters there are hints of Twilight/Cheerilee, as well.
• That Didn't Happen: After Rarity and Twilight sleep together, Rarity promptly tells Twilight that the night they spent will be "their little secret." Something very similar happened between Rarity and Rainbow Dash too, which is why they don't get along. The story is that one night they went out for drinks and got extremely drunk before going back to Rarity's place. About halfway through Rarity changed her mind and decided that she didn't really believe she was that into mares after all, which made Rainbow so angry and hurt that she stormed out. Since then, they both agreed never to talk about it again, but the tension is still there.
• The Trickster: Before completion, a popular theory among readers was that Luna was simply toying with Twilight, perhaps to teach her some sort of lesson. They were right. Luna wanted to teach Twilight what true love actually was, but she wanted her to figure out most of it for herself.
• Wham! Episode: In chapter ten, the shit really hits the fan as Twilight is forced to face the consequences of her search for romance. Namely, Braeburn comes to demand an explanation and a horrible awkward confrontation ensues, tension from the secrets they're hiding hits a critical point with Rainbow Dash and Rarity, Applejack is furious that Twilight has hurt her cousin and is shocked to find out that her friends are all having sex behind her back, and Luna responds to Twilight's letter about being ready for a relationship by saying that she thinks Twilight still needs to wait.
• You Need to Get Laid: This is how Rainbow Dash sums up the quest Luna gave Twilight.