Badass/Quotes

"None of you seem to understand. I'm not locked up in here with you. You're locked up in here with me."

—Rorschach, Watchmen

"Tallahassee sets the standard for 'Not to be fucked with'."

—Columbus, Zombieland

Jules: "I want you to look inside that bag and find my wallet."
Robber: "Which one is it?"

Jules: "The one that says Bad Motherfucker."

—Pulp Fiction

We are on Eastern Pain Time, and it is Dan o'clock. ^[1]

—Dan McNinja:, The Adventures of Dr. McNinja

"Boys, you don't want to shoot me. You know me. You know what I'll do to you if you do."

—Brock Samson, The Venture Brothers , "The Incredible Mr. Brisby"

"Who's the man? I'm the man! I'm a bad man! How bad? Real bad! I'm a 12.0 on a 10.0 scale of badness!"

—The Doom Marine, The Doom Comic

"Nice guys... it's said they always finish last."

"But badasses... always kick an asshole's ass!"

—"You're Gonna Pay", The Undertaker's theme during his "Big Evil" persona.

"Ask yourselves. Is being in here with me what you truly desire?"

—The Martian Manhunter, Justice League Unlimited

"Smart plus strong plus quick equals badass."

—Harry Dresden, The Dresden Files

"I'm Ensign Munrooooooooe and I am a man!"

—Atop the Fourth Wall

"And as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I'll fear no evil for I am the baddest motherfucker in that god damn valley."

—Staff Sergeant Sykes, Jarhead

Havelock Vetinari: "Given, then, a contest between an invisible and very powerful quasidemonic thing of pure vengeance on the one hand, and the commander on the other, where would you wager, say... one dollar?"

Drumknott: "I wouldn't, sir. That looks like one that would go to the judges."

—Thud

"Wolf the Quarrelsome only appears in history twice, and both times he's kicking someone's ass. (...) We don't know shit about his childhood, his girlfriend, his favorite color or what he liked to do in his spare time. When you read a history of his life, you only learn one thing - he kicked fucking asses. That's it."

—Badass of the Week

"I know karate, voodoo too
I'm gonna make myself available to you
I don't need no makeup, I got real scars
I got hair on my chest

I look good without a shirt."

—Tom Waits, "Goin' Out West

Al: "The gruffest, toughest man to ever graduate from Polk High."
Roger: "He had a beard in the seventh grade. And a wife."
Officer Dan: "Took out his own appendix with a pocket fisherman."
Al: "Could've been a great football player for Polk High... but he refused to take off his spurs."
Jefferson: "He wore boots to play football?"

Al: "No boots. Just spurs."

—Married... with Children, "The Legend of Ironhead Haynes"

"I am the man the Colonel visited a dozen kinds of hell upon and survived...I am the man who helped the Colonel kill three million people. I am the only man to survive when four thousand others died on the battlefield. I have killed men in their sleep. I have shot them. I have stabbed them. I have strangled them. I've even beaten them to death with my hands and fists. I've fought tyranids and orks, I've marched across searing deserts and frozen wastelands. I've nearly died six times. My own men have tried to kill me on more than one occasion. I've fought things you don't even know exist. And I killed them."

—Lieutenant Kage of the 13th Penal Legion, Warhammer 40,000

"Best be showing some r'spect for Marlon there, th' man's a religious icon where I come from. Followers a'th' Bran-Dao believe that you don't gotta be runnin' yer mouth to prove how macho you are. Just gotta be confident an' put your all int' what you do and people will fill th' rest in themselves. We b'lieve if you live your life right, you reach a state of NirMana, where th' whole universe is in complete recognition of your masculinity."

—Commander Badass, Manly Guys Doing Manly Things

"Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts monastery in China and studied real hard for ten years. If my family was wiped out by Colombian drug dealers and I swore myself to revenge. If I got a fatal disease, had one year to live, and devoted it to wiping out street crime. If I just dropped out and devoted my life to being bad. Hiro used to feel this way, too, but then he ran into Raven. In a way, this was liberating. He no longer has to worry about being the baddest motherfucker in the world. The position is taken."

—Snow Crash

"That was slick! I should sign my work!"

—Sideswipe after taking down two Decepticon brutes with one grenade. Transformers: War for Cybertron

"Apparently, I'm made of awesome."

—The Nostalgia Critic on Jax Briggs.

"The Collectors killed you once and all it did was piss you off."

—Garrus Vakarian to Commander Shepard in Mass Effect.

1. ↑ From Dan O'Clock to Dan Thirty, all drinks are half-price.