Vitriolic Best Buds/Quotes
Who else but a bosom buddy will tell you how rotten you are?—Mame
Yugi: No, I was talking about the time I saved you from that bully!
Yugi: ...Remind me why we're friends again?
Joey: Oh...eh, no, no I don't remember that.
Yugi: But I was all heroic and stuff...
Joey: ...Hey, remember the time me and Tristan took your millennium puzzle?
Tristan and Joey from flashback: Tooooormeeeeeent!
Spider-Man: Wow, Supes must mean a lot for you to go to all this trouble to find him.
Spider-Man: [meekly] Yes, sir.
Batman: 'Supes' is a headstrong, naive idiot without the least bit of common sense in these situations.
Spider-Man: [laughs]
Batman: But only I'm allowed to say that.
Robert: I swear, if I wasn't your King, you would have hit me already.
Ned: Maybe I should invent it.
Ned: The worst thing about your coronation is that I can never hit you again.
...
[Robert's squire struggles with his breastplate when Ned enters the tent.]
Squire: It was made too small, your grace. It won't go.
Robert: Your mother was a dumb whore, with a fat arse! [to Ned] Look at this idiot! He can't even put a man's armour on properly!
Ned: [matter-of-fact] You're too fat for your armour.
Robert: Fat? Fat, is it?! Is that how you speak to your king?!!
[Ned and Robert stare at one another. Ned smirks. Robert bursts out laughing. Ned follows, and then nervously, the Squire.]
Robert: [grimly] That's funny, is it?
Squire: No, your Grace.
Robert: No?! You don't like the Hand's joke?!
Squire: [dumb-founded]
Robert: You heard the Hand: the king is too fat for his armour! Go find the breast-plate-stretcher! Go!
[The squire flees]
Ned: 'The breast-plate-stretcher'?
Robert: How long before he figures it out?
Walt: How are you doing Martin, you crazy Italian prick?
Walt: What the hell are you doing?! You just don't go in and insult a man in his own shop!
Barber Martin: Walt, your cheap bastard. I should have know you should come in right now. I was having such a pleasant time.
Walt: What did you do, cheat some blind man out of his money, gave him the wrong change?
Barber Martin: Whos the nip?
Walt: Oh, he is a pussy kid from next door. I am just trying to Man him up a little bit.
Barber Martin: Hmm...
Walt: You see kid, thats how guys talk to one another.
Thao: ...they do?
Barber Martin: What, you got chip in your ears?
Walt: Go on out, and come back in and talk to him like a real man.
Thao: [Exits and re-enters the shop] Excuse me Sir, I need a haircut if you ain't too busy you old Italian son of a bitch prick barber. Boy, does my ass hurt from all of the guys at my construction job
Barber Martin: [Picks up and point a rifle at Thao] Get out of my shop before I blow your head off, you goddamn dick sucker! Go!
Strong Bad: I thought we were bros!
Homestar Runner: Wait, I thought I thought we were bros, and you're always beating various stuffings out of me.—Strong Bad's Cool Game For Attractive People, "Episode 2: Strong Badia The Free"
gC: YOU S33 W3 4R3 M34NT TO B3 B3ST H4T3FR13NDS FOR3V3R
Jon: You're the worst possible friend a man could have.
Phillip: I hate you too, buddy. I hate you too.
Gen: You can't kill me! I'm your best friend!
Usagi: Grrrr... So you keep telling me!
Black Mage: I have a friend.
Black Mage: Damnit, Fighter. White Mage doesn't like me because you're a rotten friend.
White Mage: What you have is a highly dysfunctional relationship based exclusively on abuse
Black Mage: Right. A friend.
White Mage: See that, that right there, that's what's wrong with you.
[[[Beat]]]
Levan smiled. "When I hear two people spar like that, I am certain that there is actually a profound affection between them."
"You've hit it, Mr. Levan," said Gonzalo. "Manny would give me the shirt off his back if no one were looking. The only thing he wouldn't give me is a kind word."
"Oh, God," said Rubin, visibly revolted. His sparse beard bristled and his eyes, magnified through the thick lenses of his glasses, glared.—Isaac Asimov, "The Wrong House"
Look how we get along together. (You are incredibly annoying)
And, gee, it looks like I got me a friend!
I think it's great the way we blend. (You're like a bone stuck in my throat)
You've tried to be as tough as leather. (This isn't something I'm enjoying).
But now I see that's just pretend. (I shoulda left you on that boat!)
We'll find our way through stormy weather. (You want a friend? Go find a snail!)
Just you and me right to the end. (Or better yet, Killer Whale!)
Hey buddy, looks like we're two birds of a feather. (Don't call me buddy!)
Varric: Carver.
Varric: Never miss 'em.
Carver: Still think you're helping while bearing us in debt to your brother?
Varric: Still riding side-saddle while bitching at your betters?
Carver: Drinks later?
"Eiji and I may have different objectives, and we may undermine each other... but at least we're honest about it."—Ankh, Kamen Rider OOO
Wonder Woman: What about us? Are we good?
Wonder Woman: Works for me.
Hawkgirl: Like oil and vinegar. We go together, but we don't mix.
Kitty Pryde: Disappointed, Ms. Frost?
Emma Frost: Astonished, Ms. Pryde.
Justin Taylor: I hate you!
Eddie McDowd: Justin, hate is a very strong word.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: I will sees you in Vallhalska...
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: I knows Toki... I knows.
Toki Wartooth: I've always hated you Skwisgaar.
No, Daffy always comes back. I just tell him how much I need him. We hug, we cry, I drop something heavy on him, I laugh.
Kel: I can't believe my best friend is a son of a bandit.
Kenan: I can't believe my best friend is a doofus.
No, you guys don't need to kill me more. Chugga needs to kill me more. You guys are fine.
Scott: How did you know that?
'Kyle: Because we hate him.
Kyle: Because we're his friends.
Scott: Then why are you telling me?
Edward: So ... what do I do when I run into Reggie again? I mean, I came this close to reorganizing his landscape.
Thomas: My abuse is playful and originates from genuine caring.
Thomas: Suck it up. Apologize. Be the bigger man. Heh. Metaphorically.
Edward: Right. How are you my friend again?
A good friend helps you up when you trip. A best friend laughs at your ass and trips you again.—An old joke
Cause we're frenemies
He's like my least favorite brother!
We like disliking one another
Cause we're frenemies—Buford and Baljeet, Phineas and Ferb, "Lotsa Latkes"
Their relationship is a bit complicated. When they're together, they bicker non-stop, but when they're separated, they really get bored.
Just because I give you crap doesn't mean I hate you. If I hated you, I wouldn't talk to you at all.—Anonymous
Hobbes: You know, maybe we don't need enemies.
Calvin: Yeah, best friends are about all I can take.
Chi: ...I just realized that I don't think of you as a friend at all.
Chi: You're someone I'd love to kill, but circumstances prevent me from doing so. For almost four decades now, come to think of it...
Christopher: W-what?! Does that mean you think of me as a lover, then?!
Wrex: Garrus...I have to make friends with the one turian in the galaxy who thinks he's funny.
Garrus: Imagine how I feel. I'm supposed to hate krogan, but you came along and warmed my heart with your winning personality.