The Internet Is for Porn

Search your web-history; you know it to be true![1]
I'm fairly sure if they took porn off the Internet, there'd only be one website left, and it'd be called 'Bring Back the Porn!'
—Dr. Cox, Scrubs

The internet is for porn!
The internet is for porn!
 Why you think the net was born?

Porn! Porn! P-O-O-O-ORN!
—Trekkie Monster telling it like it is

Let's face it. The Internet, and a lot of people's computers, are full of porn. Whether you're portraying modern days, the VR-laden future, or another universe entirely, any computer network of a sufficient size will have a place where one can indulge in the pleasures of the flesh.

Reality check: only 1% of all websites on the internet are pornographic (and porn constitutes only 30% of internet traffic, according to one study). It's mostly for advertising. Although a lot of the advertisements are for porn sites. But the porn is what people really pay attention to. See the QI example below.

Partly a result of The Rule of First Adopters. Ubiquitous enough to result in Rule 34. Related to the Porn Stash. In fact, for some tropers, the Internet is the Porn Stash. This trope is largely responsible for discrediting the trope Poor Man's Porn. The only people who have to resort to Poor Man's Porn are ones without the Internet.

Seriously, what are you doing on this website? (As if we don't already know!)

No real life examples, please; we'd be here all day.

Examples of The Internet Is for Porn include:

Anime & Manga

  • Welcome to The NHK - at one point Satou secludes himself from the outside world (even more) to fill his harddrive with porn. When he runs out of disk space, he starts deleting other stuff. Like his operating system files. Whoops.
    • In the manga, his porn obsession eventually leads him to build a massive customized rig just for pornography, complete with cavernous hard-drive, several monitors, high-fidelity headphones and a leather massage chair. In his parents' spare bedroom. Needless to say, it does not end well.
  • Chobits - Let's not forget that the main character wanted a persocom specifically to "surf the porn sites"
    • Keeping in mind that the computers here are humanoid, attractive, and naturally affectionate, it raises questions about just what the porn sites here are...
  • Paranoia Agent - a sleazy reporter investigating the "Lil' Slugger" case "borrows" a library computer used by two adolescent boys. When he gives it back to the boys, they promptly return to the site they were originally looking at, which is - you guessed it - a Japanese soft-core porn site.
  • In Real Drive, it is explained that this is the prime reason most of the population supported the development of the Meta-Real Network.
  • In Bloody Monday the main character tells his younger sister he's looking at porn, but that's only to keep her from peeking in on his hacking activities. Sick, but effective.
  • Invoked to explain why the alien data beings encountered so far are so obsessed with sex in Trans Venus. The implications for any such being evolving on Earth are... disturbing.
  • The whole reason Riko and Ako in Kiss×Sis get a computer is for porn, since it's free and uncensored. Of course, their plan fails.
  • In Ore no Imouto ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai!, a mad Kirino confronts her brother Kyousuke about this after finding out that he used her laptop to surf for porn in episode 7; but she gave him the laptop so he could play one of her numerous eroges, so it's not clear what she's offended about...
  • In Poor Poor Lips, Nako's first attempt to use the Internet lands her in a porn site.

Ren: D-Don't look!
Nako: Umm... I'm 21 years old, you know.
Ren: You still shouldn't.

  • In Puni Puni Poemi, the aliens trying to use the Net to learn about Earth find nothing but porn. And they are absolutely fascinated by it.


Comic Books

Woman: Greater than the Internet?
Man: Sex can make me forget about the Internet, but the Internet can't make me forget about sex!

  • After Spider-Man revealed his secret identity during Civil War, so many people googled "Peter Parker" that it crashed the Internet. Including the porn sites.


Fan Fiction

"No, it is perfectly normal for global network throughput to spontaneously consist of over forty percent pornography. Slaanesh has nothing to do with it."

  • In In Flight, Shirou was under the impression the Internet was nothing else, much to Matsu's ire.


Films

Holden: The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another.

  • The adaptation of Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant used this as a joke. After Darren is transformed and nearly kills his little sister for blood, he returns to his room where he finds Mr. Crepsley sitting in the corner flipping through a magazine, and Crepsley casually comments "Interesting....I thought they had this on the Internet now."
  • Steel: How is the villain going to sell his weapons?

The internet?
Damn right. We could pick up all kinds of good crap. Not just porno.


Literature

  • Dave Barry In Cyberspace frequently returns to the theme of computers being an excellent media for sexual content.
    • In fact, he even devotes a chapter of the book to his visit to "AdultDex" a trade convention for pornographic computer games.
  • America (The Book) referred to the Internet as a source of communication, information, and "a staggering array of human sexual fetish".
  • Wally's attempt at making downloading porn his job wasn't the first time Scott Adams satirized the subject. His article, The Holodeck Problem, says that real-life, Star Trek-like holodecks would be problematic because...well, you could probably figure out what the problem would be. He's even quoted as saying "it will be society's last invention." You can read the whole article here.
  • Hivemind from The Overlord Protocol alludes to this trope with this quote: "I was granted instantaneous and total access to the entire Internet, Mr. Malpense. To be honest, I feel... dirty."
  • Bob the Skull in The Dresden Files, upon gaining access to the internet, is positively gleeful because, "It's, like, ninety percent porn!"
  • In Who Cut the Cheese? by Mason Brown, Cover searches for how to slay rats and ends up on pornography.

Live-Action TV

  • In Joan of Arcadia, Joan's younger brother was shown to have an addiction to Internet porn.
    • However, he blamed it on his less geeky best friend, who did indeed routinely use that computer. It was never made quite clear who stored the porn on his computer.
  • In the very first episode of Chuck, a bomb is disarmed via a porn site that scrambles the computer of anyone using it.
    • Last episode, too, in a nice callback
  • Scrubs: According to Dr. Cox the internet is for porn, as evidenced by the page quote.
    • Somewhat relatedly, at one point Elliot says she created a chatroom called "I hate Cox", then adds the only people who go there are "Me, two interns, and 14,000 lesbians."
  • Inverted in Dexter : when the show's protagonist (and serial-killer) is interrupted while tampering with the police database, he promptly alt-tabs to a porn site, because that's what you do alone in an office with the blinds pulled down, isn't it?
  • The Inbetweeners

Jay: He's probably on the internet looking up the answers to the exam questions.
Neil: And then having a wank.
Simon: What?
Neil: Well, it's impossible, innit? I don't think I've ever been on the internet and not ended up having a wank.

  • House, when the titular character was trying to get out of doing something: "There's a lot of porn piling up on the internet... doesn't download itself!"

House: Sorry - up late. Internet porn.
Dr. Chase: How come you're not in your office?
House: Because there is a computer in my office. If I log on, romance will ensue. My wrist might fall off.

    • Also:

House: Infectious or environmental... all we have to do is check out parasites, viruses, bacteria, fungi, prions, radiation, toxins, chemicals, or it's internet porn related. I'll check the internet, you guys get the rest of the stuff.

    • ALSO:

House, to a Fellow: What's the matter? Got a problem with the naked female form?
Fellow: N-no...
Thirteen: Maybe because she's never seen it spooning with the naked dolphin form.

    • ALSO Also:

House: She's like the internet with breasts! Wait, no. The internet already has breasts.

Clarkson: This week I went on the internet, and I found this!

  • Odyssey 5. Given that the Sentients increase their artificial intelligence by absorbing code off the internet, they naturally pick up a lot of porn, so the synthetic human the group encounter in "The Trouble With Harry" is more than eager to explore this aspect with a couple of Kurt Mendel's good-time girls.
  • Referenced in QI, when Stephen Fry asked what makes up more than 70% of the internet and got the expected response (cue klaxon), before revealing that a study shows that less than 1% of the internet is porn.
  • In Coupling the men debate the merits of drugs used in pregnancy, by the statment that there is no such thing as a natural, painless pregnancy, and that the Internet is a "research tool."
  • The holodeck in Star Trek seems to be treated an awful lot like the more cerebral version of this. Considering that at least two characters have had full-on romances on the holodeck...
    • And don't forget Lt. Barclay's "programs"...
    • After being outflirted in "The Perfect Mate" and being clearly quite...affected, Riker gave one of the best one liners in the show "If you need me, I'll be in holodeck four."
    • Quark in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine explicitly rents out his holosuites for this purpose. "Vulcan Love Slave" seems to be one of the more popular choices.
      • And why not? The Vulcans are made of fetish fuel.
      • The first time Odo saw Jake Sisko leaving one of Quark's holosuites he was ready to bring him up on whatever charge relates to exposing a minor to that sort of thing, until Quark began gushing about the commercial possibilities of "family entertainment".
  • The Sopranos. When Tony's daughter realises they're likely to be raided by the FBI soon, she advises her brother to erase all that porn he downloaded off his hard drive.
  • From Will and Grace:

Grace: Hey, what are you doing?
Will: All my plants died. I told Jack to water them while I was away. But I can see how he might hear that as "fill up my hard drive with Internet porn."

  • On Supernatural, each Winchester brother apparently enjoys watching porn when they think the other isn't looking. Running Gags include bustyasianbeauties.com and Casa Erotica.
    • Though not on the net, the brothers were once told one of the most important lessons in the series via a porn video. Though the teacher was Gabriel/The Trickster, so it's slightly expected.
    • There was also the time where Dean was telling Sam not to do any research at all, "No research! Watch some porn!"
  • Seinfeld: George uses porn as part of his computer sales pitch in The Serenity Now.
  • Doctor Who:
    • The Stolen Earth: Rose can only watch Harriet's conference video-conference with the other companions since Wilf isn't allowed to have a webcam - his daughter says they're naughty.
    • "The Eleventh Hour" has The Doctor walking in on Jeff and grabbing at his computer, which Jeff desperately tries to hide, to no avail. "Blimey, get a girlfriend."
  • In Queer as Folk Ted was frequently shown, and eventually got fired for, browsing porn sites while at work. Immediately prior to him getting fired it was shown that several of his co-workers were also viewing porn on the internet while they were supposed to be working. Keep in mind Ted was an accountant.
  • On 30 Rock during their staff's temporary stay in Boston Pete informs them that they won't have internet access, and advises the guys to make arrangements "porn-wise".
    • Also when Liz put Frank in charge during her absence his first directive was to take down the office firewall "so we can browse porn again."
  • Referenced in The Closer, when Brenda becomes the "most downloaded fully-clothed woman on the internet", thanks to a video of her getting beaten by a Bridezilla.
  • One episode of Law and Order featured a case involving an investment banker who had become so obsessed with an online "live video chat" sex worker, to the point that she (and the gangsters she was working for) was using him to get insider information to make illegal stock trades.
    • Similarly, another episode from the late 1990's had a TEENAGER becoming so obsessed with a madame he met online that he borrowed friends' computers and maxed out his parents' credit cards to feed his addiction. His father decided to solve the problem by shooting said madame.
  • On the Modern Family episode "Not In My House", Phil fails to clear his browser history, causing Claire to think that Luke has been looking at porn on the internet. Hilarity Ensues.
  • On Crownies, Tracey unwisely clicks on a link Tatum sends her. She ends up opening a porn site that she can't close down and which reappears every time she starts up her computer. She ends up smashing her computer so she can get a new one.
  • Battlestar Galactica: When Pegasus and Galactica meet and the former transmits supplies and computer updates to the latter, Felix Gaeta asks if there's any porn on the computer operating system update disks that Pegasus has sent.
  • On Running Wilde, Fa'ad credited Bill Gates for the invention of the "electronic porno machine".
  • Lampshaded in Sherlock: "If I wanted to look at naked women I'd borrow John's laptop."

John: You do borrow my laptop.
Sherlock: I confiscate it.

  • From The Colbert Report: "30% of Internet traffic is porn, according to the European Foundation for Underestimating Things!"

Music

  • Defunct a cappella group DaVinci's Notebook / DVN's-break-up survivor group Paul & Storm and their number Internet Porn, which contains a number of amusing(ly accurate) allusions to the sort of content one can find ("Girl on girl on girl on girl on girl on guy on sheep").
    • DVN is fairly well represented on YouTube, including The Captain's Wife's Lament ("What if we spent an entire song setting up just one Incredibly Lame Pun?") and Enormous Penis, making them lampshaders of a demographic they arguably contribute to.
  • MC Frontalot's "Pr0n Song", which is about all of the various and sundry bizarre porn he's (or at least the character for the song) accumulated from the internet.


Newspaper Comics

  • This exchange from Dilbert deserves mention. Wally is setting out his long-range project goals at an annual staff meeting

Wally: My proposed work plan for the year is to stress-test our product under severe network conditions. I will accomplish this by downloading large image files from the busiest servers on the net.
Wally: (after his proposal is rejected) I was this close to making it my job to download naughty pictures.
Dilbert: Just as well; I'd have had to kill you.

    • It got worse. Wally's internet history is so abominable it spooks the spooks (see also the next page).
  • Back in the 90's, a FoxTrot strip had Paige complaining about how no matter what she searched for, all she got were porn sites. Peter then points out that the "White House photos" results probably were legit, but...
    • A bit of Fridge Brilliance there (albeit possibly unintentionally): for a long time, "whitehouse.com" led to a porn site.
    • Then there was the time Jason was looking at Miss October. It was a centerfold of computer hardware.

Theatre


Videogames

Reiji: It's funny what you can learn when you spend all day wasting time on the Internet, isn't it?
KOS-MOS: Strange... In my time, the Internet is for---

  • In Persona 2: Innocent Sin, you can occasionally be asked by a demon, in your contacts, what the Internet is for. OBVIOUSLY, one of the options, no matter what character is being asked, is to say that it's for porn. It's always funny.
  • A lot of the porn on the extranet in Mass Effect involves Asari. Some of it also involves Hanar.
    • Between 2 and 3, Cerberus attempted to remotely shut EDI down. She responded by flooding their computers with seven zettabytes of porn (most of it was Joker's). For comparison, the entírety of The Internet around 2010 was estimated to be half a zettabyte of data.
  • In Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles, heroine Claire is searching for a computer in a wrecked prison. She asks prisoner Steve if there's one to be found; he responds that he knows of three - "The guards mainly use them for games. Oh, and porn."


Web Animation


Webcomics

  • In Questionable Content #112 the AnthroPC Pintsize claims to be objective at judging female breasts because of all the porn he had downloaded for Marten. In a later strip, while he browses his hard drive, he comes across his Porn Stash and gets distracted from his task. And in yet another strip Marten has to take him to be repaired by Marigold, who remarks on the amount of porn in Pintsize (then copies the hentai folder).
    • Pintsize's hard drive has been described as a 'private universe of porn', and his Twitter account is nothing but hentai and Rule 34. Which Marigold then rates the artwork of.
  • The situation is commented on in this page of 21st Century Fox.
  • Sluggy Freelance:
    • "The Sci-Fi Adventure"

Narrator: As Torg and Riff journey through space on the Confederation starship, they take advantage of the ship's information database to find a way home. As Riff puts it, "It's like the Internet."
Torg: Hey, there's nothing in here but pornography and fan sites for some show called "The Bleck-Files!" This is nothing like our Internet!

    • "The Storm Breaker Saga", "Last Call":

Riff: What? These aren't owls! They're breasts! Torg, get this smut off the screen and go back to "The Wings of America."
Torg: I'm a good person. It's the Internet's fault!

    • "Torg Potter and the Chamberpot of Secretions":

(Torg and two parodies of Harry Potter characters are shopping in a magical bookstore that contains every book ever written.)
Homogenize Milktoast: I can't believe you're wasting this store's vast resources on smut!
Weaslo Ronsnaps: Not just smut! All the smut ever written!
Torg: ...What am I doing? I have the Internet!

  • Steve from Khaos Komix explores his sexual orientation with the help "of [his] friend, Mr. Internet". And after Alex meets Tom, he is soon on the internet, looking for stuff on tattooed guys...
  • Brought up in Ansem Retort while trying to convince Jesus to save the pornography of the future. Complete with reference to Avenue Q.
  • Gabe and mostly Tycho in Penny Arcade occasionally make reference to the bizarre and specific pornography they get online. One word: Ostriches.
  • In Friendly Hostility, while looking through the home computer of their boss, Derringer and Fox are absolutely shocked to see that their isn't a single pornographic image on his computer.
  • The Inexplicable Adventures of Bob: When Slick mocks Bob for running a newsstand in the digital age, Bob starts expounding on the worth of print media. He's interrupted by the arrival of his customer Mr. Dirtygeezer, requesting his usual "girlie magazines and gumdrops." Slick responds that that's practically what the net is for. Dirtygeezer disagrees, since he can't get gumdrops out of his computer.
  • Vexxarr, an AI commented on being plugged into an alien defense test facility, following with a few weird details.

Carl: Just so you know, you have employees with dubious personal habits. Clearly the memos about personal use of government equipment went unheeded.

  • In Cyanide & Happiness #2819 by Rob, Green asks about the history of the Internet and Yellow rattles off a list of porn fetishes.

Web Originals

Swaim: I typed in 'porn' - and porn came up! I typed in 'breakfast' - and porn came up!

  • Linkara's mentioned this trope a few times, notably as a joke reason why he wouldn't want to pay the overpriced online prices and shipping fees for a hardcover of Alan Moore's Lost Girls, and why he feels Frank Miller's "News in the Nude" and its real life equivalent, Naked News, hold no appeal.
  • During Noah Antwiler's commentary for his review of The Clones Of Bruce Lee, he notes that the film is not really worth the viewer's time (he notes he cut the film down to the funny bits in his review) and after Lampshading the possibility that his fans would be "lured by [his] promise of titties", he then points out that there are easier methods of finding Asian porn than locating a bootleg copy of the film.
  • At least one story on (The Customer is) Not Always Right highlights a person who steadfastly believes that the Internet contains only porn and pedophiles... and nothing else.
  • When the Nostalgia Critic reviewed Once Upon a Forest, he said that he was going to review another environmental film, and put up an image of someone clicking off his video and going to a porn site.

Nostalgia Critic: Hey! Come back here! Come back here! Stop looking up porn!

  • The [Youtube] video, "Vegeta Uses his PC" shows Vegeta trying to do a Google search, but every time he types something in, no matter what it is, the results are always porn.

Western Animation

  • Futurama: Roughly the first three minutes of "A Bicyclops Built for Two" is devoted to the subject, with porn sites and dirty chat rooms galore. Zoidberg is unimpressed... until he sees "Hot Sardine on Mackerel Action".

Fry: "I didn't think it was possible, but thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex."

    • In the episode "A Big Piece of Garbage", the crew watches a documentary about pollution:

Fry: You got that on the Internet? In my day the Internet was only used for pornography.
Professor Farnsworth: Actually, that's still true.
Woman in video: Now that the garbage is in space, doctor, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions.
Man in video: With gusto.

Lenny: You're the Internet's number one non-pornographic site.
Carl: Which means you're ten trillionth overall.

    • Also:

Geek: I invented a program that downloads porn off the internet one million times faster.
Marge: Does anyone need that much porn?
Homer: (drooling) One million times...

    • And From "The Great Wife Hope":

Marge: I simply googled 'girls having fun' and, after 97,000 pages of porn, I found Crazy Bowling.

  • In Robot Chicken, a sketch involved a virus deleting all the porn on the Internet and people's hard drives. Predictably, there were riots in the streets. And world leaders broadcasting that this wasn't funny, 'please, man, give us back our porn'.
  • South Park had an episode where everyone's internet went down, plunging the nation into chaos. In the men's case (particularly Randy Marsh), the other problems were compounded by porn withdrawal (After internet porn, they couldn't go back to Playboy). One group created an "Internet Porn Simulator" by lowering hastily-drawn stick figure pictures into an empty monitor casing.
  • American Dad: "Tyrannosaurus Rex; real. Babe-osaurus Rex; porn. A symposium on the Pangea theory of the Permian Extin - WOW, THAT IS SOME NASTY PORN!!!"
  • Aqua Teen Hunger Force: In E-Dork, Carl uses his E-Helmet to watch porn constantly. "I think I'm actually done being horny. * Bestiality turns on* Oh wait... no we're not... no we are not!"
  • In The Oblongs, Milo tells his friends how he's been running internet searches trying to find Helga's parents, but keeps getting sidetracked by porn.
  • Surprisingly, Family Guy's resident pervert Quagmire was unaware of internet porn until the 2009 episode, "Family Goy". After being told about it, he's not seen again until a scene a few days later where he reveals that he's been at home ever since, hasn't slept and his, er, "primary arm" has swollen to a grotesque degree of muscularity.
  • In a Beavis and Butthead episode, "Cyber Butt", the titular duo pressure Stewart into going on a porn site on the school computer.
  • From an episode of My Life as a Teenage Robot...

Jenny: No time, Mom! I'll just download some new upgrades from the Internet!
Nora: XJ-9, don't do that! You'll go blind!

  • An early episode of King of the Hill had Boomhauer talking about dang ol' internet:

Boomhauer: Yeah man, I tell ya what, man. That dang ol' internet, man. You just go on there and point and click. Talk about W-W-dot-W-com. An' lotsa nekkid chicks on there, man. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. It's real easy, man.

  1. ↑ Thanks to Cracked.com's readers for page's current picture.
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