The Gulch Verse

Remember near the beginning of Tin Man, the cop who gave DG a ticket for speeding? No? Don't worry if you don't. He was on screen for around a minute total and was only briefly mentioned after that point. In fact, he has so very little to do with the main storyline as far as the viewers can tell that it is only logical to forget about him.

Well, Fanfiction.net user animegus farmus certainly remembered him, and expanded on the character Officer Elmer Gulch to such a degree that he became just as developed as the main cast of the mini-series. Originally designed to be a one-shot, this ongoing series now has several intertwining stories that eventually drags him into the O.Z. after DG, his nemesis. With a combination of humor, heartwarming moments, and entertaining storylines, the events prior to and after Tin Man are explored with our poor cop stuck in the middle. After all, he lived in the poor peaceful town that never deserved to be punished that someone decided to hide a trouble-making, Identity Amnesia DG in... You know SOMETHING had to happen during those years to cause her to call him a menace.

The Gulchverse consists of six main stories (with two short drabbles that can be easily squeezed in). Tales from the Otherside and Tic Tok take place prior to the mini-series event and are told from Gulch's and DG's cyborg parents' viewpoints respectively. Otherside Encounter (the original story of the Gulchverse), A Dastardly Plot,The Courting of Officer Gulch, and A Day in the Life of an Azkadellian Bodyguard happen after the ending of the show and happen simultaneously to one another, just from very different viewpoints. Even with the stories often covering the same time, they don't seem redundant due to the new perspective's take on events. Awkward and Test can fit into this Gulchverse mythology very easily, but aren't essential.

The Gulchverse is also known for the tendency of the writer to complain about characters gaining a life of their own to the point where she can't even predict where events will go next (the readers aren't complaining, however, since it never seems to be in a disappointing direction).

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Tropes used in The Gulch Verse include:

• Asskicking Equals Authority: Does Cain actually have the authority to boss around most of the individuals he does? No? Does anyone want to try arguing with him?
• Badly-Battered Babysitter: Judging by the events Gulch had to face while DG was growing up, it is a miracle either of them survived her childhood. This includes her getting him partially gored by a bull, setting his hair on fire, knocked off a roof, dangling off a watertower by his belt, shot... There is a reason he calls her his nemesis.
• Bar Brawl: There was an epic one between the Royal Guard and the army, led by Gulch and Jeb respectively. Neither one of the two men were willing to give up, even after being arrested and later handcuffed together. The entire event erupted due to a few choice comments by Jeb concerning the princesses. Everyone who heard him at the bar kept his exact words secret from the rest of the world, much to everyone else's frustration.
• Bavarian Fire Drill: Lampshaded in Tic Tok by Gulch himself, when he says that "anyone who backs down like that without so much as asking what business it is of mine to interfere would not survive trying to date you"
• Berserk Button: Try to harm DG? You call down the fury of Cain. Try to harm Az? You learn why Gulch is not someone to underestimate, regardless of what his usual behavior might suggest. And he has some very loyal guards to back him up.
• Beta Couple: While DG and Wyatt Cain were originally the main pairing, they eventually got engaged (and then married). They became the beta couple as Gulch and Az Unresolved Sexual Tension continued to mount.
• Beware the Nice Ones: As nice as Gulch is and as laid back as he might seem, he can and will make you sorry if you push him to the limit. Usually the limit is trying to hurt Az, physically or emotionally. There is a reason DG calls him Menace.
• Big Brother Instinct: While he may not technically related to DG, at least until he marries her sister, Gulch seems to have adopted DG as the little sister he is thankful to never have had. This may partially explain the moments during her childhood where he went above and beyond the call of duty (and smart decisions) to help her out. Including giving Daniel Prince her first crush who broke her heart a ticket. She returns the feelings in her own, unique ways.
• Bodyguard Crush: Once more, DG and Cain. Az and Gulch also qualify.
• Chained Heat: Jeb and Gulch learn an important few lessons about the difficulty of fighting someone you are chained to.
• Cloudcuckoolander: Glitch, who has an excuse for it due to spending time with only half a brain in his head. Lord Fonteroy, who does not have any excuse.
• Comically Missing the Point: Lord Fastidium's first appearance involves a subtle and cruel insulting gift (a mobat) to Az intended to reinforce the opinion that she will never be anything more than "the Sorceress." Gulch just saw a cute, little animal and acted appropriately, destroying the political attack without realizing it existed in the first place.
• Cool and Unusual Punishment: Remember the tin suits from the show? Spending nearly a decade in one watching a loop of his family get attacked is Nightmare Fuel when it was used against Cain. Using them to force a drunken lord to experience a month-long hangover while listening to Glitch describe (loudly) the effects of alcohol on the brain while he's on a glitching loop? Hilarious and oddly appropriate.
  • Cain seems to excel at devising these. His punishment for Glitch when he accompanied the princess on their drinking binge? Leaving the headcase in a basket dangling from a tower in a manner similiar to how DG first found him.
• Crazy Cultural Comparison: It has become very clear that there needs to be a list of important O.Z. common knowledge that the Othersiders don't know, but need to. Gulch really wants a copy of that list.
• Christmas Episode: Chapter 27 of "Otherside Encounter." It is essentially "A Christmas Carol" with O.Z. characters. Gulch realizes this and even mentions that the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come is supposed to be silent. That doesn't really stop Lord Fastidium...
• Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Gulch. All the members of the Royal Bodyguard see him as a joke. Until someone tried to kill Az. Cue Curb Stomp Battle from Old Gulchy.
• Cuteness Proximity: Gulch suffers this when he first sees a baby Mobat. This leads to him completely defusing a tense political situation without even being aware of the problem's existence.
• Cyborg: DG's substitute robot parents? Gulch once had a crush on Emily after she kissed him for rescuing the girl.
• Determinator: Wyatt Cain. It took THREE bullets to slow him down during an assassination attempt on Az and the royal family.
• Disproportionate Retribution: DG is the expert of this. Just ask Roxanne. She broke up with Gulch after seeing men behind his back (and because they live in such a small town, EVERYONE knows it). DG shaved most of her hair off, including chunks of her eyebrows. And that was just the start of her revenge in the name of Gulch.
• Doomy Dooms of Doom: As Fonteroy states, Cain has the "Eyebrows of Doom" when he gets angry.
• Dramatic Stutter: Gulch's brain tends to do this when presented with extremely shocking information or requests. Az solves this by using short words and short sentences.
• Everyone Can See It: DG and Cain. Az and Gulch. Gulch even Lampshades the similarity between the two relationships later.
• Everything's Better with Monkeys: Or rather, mobats.
• Fish Out of Water: Gulch. DG sometimes is, but she's had longer to adapt than him.
• Foreshadowing: Though technically written after the "Otherside Encounter," both Gulch and young DG speculate what each other's ideal match would be like in "Tales from the Otherside".
  • Ten year old DG, who has just had her first crush treat her like a silly child, is told by her substitute big brother she needs to find a mature man someday instead of a stupid teenager. One who is mature, reliable, and possibly bulletproof.
  • She returns the favor later by saying he needs a nice girl who doesn't think that nice guys finish last. Gulch jokingly asks to visit the universe where he could find this person and jokes further by asking if DG has a long-lost relative who fits those qualifications he could have.
• Full-Frontal Assault: Gulch at the assasination attempt, wearing only his holster.
• Fun with Acronyms: Lord Fonteroy's full name is Bartholomew Fortius Fonteroy and is often referred to as BFF.
  • Also, the traveling storms are T.O.R.N.A.D.O (Trans Ordinate Rotational Nimbus Automatic Displacement Operant)
• I Think You Broke Him: Dawkins is upset that Az broke Gulch by saying they were getting married and ruining all of his entertainment.
• Last-Name Basis: Gulch. At his wedding, everyone (except DG) thinks his first name is Officer.
  • Wyatt Cain is also like this when Gulch isn't making a new nickname for him.
• Last-Second Word Swap: This is Gulch's style of cursing. The results are hilarious.
• Loophole Abuse: Technically, it IS mace.
• Never Gets Drunk: Highly averted. There are so many instances of characters getting drunk that some readers worried about them becoming alcoholics. But, on the other hand, the drunken conversations are always hilarious to read.
• The Nicknamer: Both Gulch and Lord Fonteroy have a habit of nicknaming everyone they encounter and/or make an enemy of. This reached a Crowning Moment of Funny when they finally encountered each other and began a nicknaming war.
• Nobody Here but Us Statues: The guards do this to listen in on a very interesting and entertaining meeting. They also had popcorn.
• Noodle Incident: Several incidents in DG's childhood, though a few are explored in "Tales From the Otherside" and "Tic Tok."
• Oblivious to Love: Az thinks Gulch is this, but there are hints in his viewpoint that he's oblivious due partially to denial.
• Oh, No, Not Again: This is the reaction of people to the second attempt at the Roof Edge Walking Drinking Game. Also, this somewhat Ahamo's reaction when Gulch came to ask him permission to marry his daughter, making him the second lawman to ask to wed one of his children.
• Original Character: Not only is Gulch about 99% animegus' creation, but the O.Z. is now populated with various characters of the writer's imagination. This includes the Dawkins, the Seven Dwarves-themed guards, Lord Fonteroy, Lord Fastidium... And those are only the ones that gain some form of name. There is also the Winky, the Tin Men who considered betting on Gulch and Jeb fighting...
  • Not to mention the Otherside characters. Gulch's parents, Officer Bentley, Roxanne...
• Overshadowed by Awesome: According to Gulch, anyone is this in comparison to Cain.
• Pass the Popcorn: What do the Royal Guards do when the aristocrats are about to be informed one of the princesses are about to marry a commoner? Sneak into the meeting, eat popcorn, and watch the show. Dawkins also sells tickets to especially interesting events.
• POV Sequel: "The Courting of Officer Gulch" and "A Day in the Life of an Azkadellian Bodyguard" are this to "Otherside Encounter," just as "Tic Tok" is the POV Sequel to "Tales From the Otherside."
• Reasonable Authority Figure: The Queen.
• Reports of My Death Were Greatly Exaggerated: DG. Gulch was very surprised when she sped by on her motorcycle about a year after the tornado. That didn't stop him from chasing after her.
  • Gulch also is presumed dead back home after his prolonged stay in the O.Z.
• Ridiculously Cute Critter: Kansas, the baby Mobat
• Ridiculously-Human Robots: Emily and Hank in Tic Tok
• Running Gag: In "Otherside Encounter" especially:
  • Cain's many nicknames
  • Gulch getting free alcohol
  • "Click"
• Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: Lord Fastidium. Ambrose can pull it off, but Lord Fastidium is the one who never speaks in any other style unless he is trying to yield to a duel to avoiding being sprayed with mace again.
• Shipper on Deck: Az to DG and Cain. DG to Az and Gulch.
• Smashing Hallway Traps of Doom: Gulch complains that not even cheap sci-fi movies use chompers anymore. They were actually pistons; they only looked like chompers because he was shrunk.
• Socially Awkward Hero: Gulch's first moments in the O.Z.? Dive to protect a woman he doesn't know from gunfire. Gulch's first ball? Hide in the drapes.
• Split Personality: Glitch and Ambrose. Just because he has both halves of his brain back does not necessarily mean he goes back to normal after the show. He might have back the intelligent advisor and inventive Ambrose personality (which still has a fear of Azkadellia), but he still has the spontaneous and nearly child-like Glitch, who knows martial arts and has a tendency to "glitch." This division leads to an interesting strategy during a snowball fight...
  • Further explored in two chapters of "A Day in the Life of an Azkadellian Bodyguard" which are displayed from the viewpoints of Glitch and then Ambrose.
• Take That: DG has very strong opinions in "A Dastardly Plot" concerning people trying to claim Cain is gay. A very clear Take That against many fanfiction writers.
• They Do: DG and Cain. Later, we have Az and Gulch.
• Tomboy Princess: DG
• Tranquil Fury: Gulch doesn't usually get mad, but when he does... He's scary calm. This includes the assassination attempt and the meeting where a very stupid/suicidal advisor makes a comment about Az not being pure. He felt bad about his behavior after the second event, however.
• Trial by Combat: Two of them. In Gulch's case, he didn't even know what he was dueling about in the first place!
• Wacky Marriage Proposal: Neither Az nor Gulch really ASKED the other to marry. They just sort of stated they were getting married. And it wasn't in very normal circumstance either time. The first one was at DG and Cain wedding when Az caught the bouquet. The second time was after a duel at dawn.
• Walking Disaster Area: Gulch when it deals with anything political. Eventually he is banned from all meetings.