Stock Superhero Day Jobs


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    Let's face it, your basic superhero simply can't do without a day job these days. They may be strong enough to punch an Eldritch Abomination in the face, but they've still got to pay the bills. And unless they're the opportunistic sort, they're probably not going to be paid for their trouble. So, they have to do something else in order get by.

    But why stop there? If you're a superhero, your day job should cater specifically to someone of your... unique position. You should be able to disappear at a moment's notice, without being held up, and without people wondering. Not only that, but you should have access to the news, so you can know when you're needed.

    So here's a handy list of jobs your typical superhero should consider when planning a career in heroics (if you somehow don't need a job... lucky you):

    Reporter

    This is a superhero's goldmine. As a reporter, your whereabouts don't have to be accounted for during work hours, you'll hear about crises as soon as word gets out, and you'll have an always applicable excuse to rush to the scene without people getting curious. Plus, you can get paid for writing stories of your adventures. It's like getting paid for doing what you would be doing anyway! Notable heroes in this field include:

    Busy Socialite

    If you happen to run a Fiction 500 Company, then you've got a great position for a future in superheroics. You won't ever have to worry about money, and, as a busy socialite with few tedious day-to-day obligations, it's expected that you'd be out and about, enjoying life. If no one ever sees you, then they'll figure you just spend all your time out on the town, never suspecting that you really spend your time beating the crap out of criminals. Plus, if you act like a moron, everyone will think you're too incompetent to be a hero, and if you're seen bolting the scene (to get in uniform, of course), everyone will just think you're a snobbish coward. It's the perfect cover—just don't expect to have a sparkling reputation. You'd be following such masters of social deception as:

    Police/Rescue Worker

    Policeman: Nice job, Wally! That's how you catch a crook.
    Forensic Scientist Wally West: That's one way.

    Why not burn the crimefighting candle at both ends? Join the force and protect and serve 24/7. You'll know about every criminal related thing that happens in the town, as well as people in need of rescue or strange occurrences. When things get a bit too hairy, zip off (just don't let your partners see you "abandoning" them), get into uniform, and solve the problem with superpowers. The main problem here would be that you can't always just "zip off"; the environment's pretty restrictive, so you'd better be good at making incredibly good excuses or get used to waiting until you get home to get your superheroing on. And you should avoid getting a partner at all costs, unless it's someone you trust. Can overlap with 'Career Superhero' below and Supercop. Good examples of this would be:

    Private Eye

    Here's a job with most of the perks of being a Policeman with much less restriction. Here, you don't have to worry about hours, tricking partners, or being accused of negligence. Your hours are yours to dictate, meaning that, as soon as you get a case, you can pretty much investigate as your hero identity any time you want. However, you've lost the ability to be in the know; unless you work closely with the police (or are willing to break the law in the name of good by snooping at their files), the only info you'll get will come from people who walk into your office, meaning that you'll probably only get a few cases a month. Of course, these will probably be incredibly interesting, especially once you make a name for yourself as a detective who can solve even the strangest cases. You'll start off as a gumshoe, but you'll have such role models as:

    Attorney

    Here, we have a sort of mix between the reporter and the private eye, at least in practice. Here, you'll take the case of your client as your Secret Identity, and find the evidence to clear him as your hero identity, putting away the real bad guys at the same time. On the opposite track, you can prosecute a known criminal as your citizen identity, and attack them as a same time as a hero, putting two times the pressure on the villain. It's the perfect way to connect your two identities and help people as both a hero and a regular person. Here, it's probably best to pretend to be an associate of yourself (unless you don't have a Secret Identity), so that people won't get suspicious that a superhero is always giving you information. Also, beware the vengeful crook: here, they'll know you put them away, even if they don't know your dual identity. Oh and as a lawyer you have to keep track of the copious amounts of time you're supposed to spend working, so be prepared to lie a lot or not get much sleep even by superhero standards. Other people in this field include:

    Student

    If you're anywhere from a Kid Hero to a college student, you're going to have to deal with being a student. This isn't the easiest thing: not only do you have to deal with villains and superhero stuff, but you have to go to class, pass tests, and keep up your grades. Expect one or the other to suffer, people to constantly wonder where you are, to have to deal with suspicious classmates, and to pine for a beautiful girl while your powers keep any serious relationship from ever happening. But it's not that bad... at least you don't have to worry about money! Unless, of course, your folks are broke... then you might need a second job... Anyway, there's a huge amount of these, but a few notables:

    Scientist

    Moderately common, but because writers generally don't want to put the research into real world science, also commonly glossed over or left behind for one reason or another. As for how this job is relevant to a superheroes life... well, it depends. Usually, if you decide to go the route of the scientist, it means that your superpowers will probably be either the result or a byproduct of your experiments. Perhaps most importantly, knowledge of science often allows you to pull off interesting things with your powers and figure out ways to stop a bad guy beyond just smashing him. It also means that, lucky you, you most likely won't have to worry about money, since your inventions will support you. In fact, most people in this field are usually career superheroes. You'll be joining such luminaries as:

    Career Superhero

    The Holy Grail of super day jobs: being paid to be a full time superhero! Like all things that seem too good to be true, this isn't exactly easy to get. First off, it usually requires you to give up your secret identity, then you'll either need some government agency or corporation to sponsor you, or be brilliant enough that your grants will pay for everything. Then, be prepared to have absolutely no downtime: you'll be expected to leap into action for anything, which, if you find having a normal life as well as a super one important, might be a turn off. But, if everything goes well, you'll be living like a king doing what you would be doing anyway; you'll have ton of respect, groupies, a cool house and a ludicrous bank account that probably won't ever empty. Of course, one crisis later and you might lose it all, but, don't worry, you'll get it back... eventually. You'll be joining such luminaries as:

    • All the Avengers, particularly after Marvel Civil War.
    • The Fantastic Four.
    • Edward Blake, Adrian Veidt and Dr. Manhattan
    • The Middleman
    • The X-Men
    • Gizmoduck (although I don't remember if Scrooge lets him get away with a double salary; I highly doubt the old miser would)
      • He does pay Fenton a double salary (though how Fenton lists his earnings as Gizmoduck on his tax returns is never mentioned). This is actually a plot point in the episode where Gyro invents a glass that is harder than diamonds, which each building in Duckburg is soon encased in, rendering security systems and guards obsolete. Giz ends up spending most of the episode as a traffic cop, along with nearly every single security guard in town.
    • Tiger and Bunny is built on the premise of "salaryman superheroes" who are effectively part law enforcement, part reality television stars.

    Freelance Bum

    So... maybe things didn't work out so well. It could be that your superhero career just didn't exactly pay the bills. It could be that your powers or superhero identity cause you to be unable to have a place of your own. Maybe you're a fugitive of some kind, and can't afford to have a long-term home. In any case, you're out on the street and have hit rock bottom. Well, chin up, at least you can still be a hero (as long as you don't need money to do it). As a man of the streets, you'll probably find out about disasters relatively soon, and, the best part, you'll have complete anonymity. There's nothing more dangerous than a someone with nothing to lose. You'll survive... somehow... maybe you can take some food from the crooks you put away! In any case, you'll be joining the ranks of such successful heroes as:

    • Walter Kovacs
    • Eddie Brock (when he's not a villain)
    • Bruce Banner, most of the time.
    • The Tick (animation), sorta. He lives with Arthur but doesn't seem to contribute anything financially.
    • Donatello, Raphael, Michaelangelo and Leonardo
    • Frank Castle. He's got no permanent home, but plenty of safehouses and hidden weapons caches. And a boatload of cash from all the mobsters he kills.
    • Len/Kamen Rider Wing Knight from Kamen Rider Dragon Knight.
    • Hancock
    • Runaways. Since they don't go to school and they are constantly uh, on the run.
    • Hei in the second season of Darker than Black, which combined with his general hygiene and alcoholism earned him the Fan Nickname "Hobo Hei".
    • Spawn
    • Paperinik is a way; since his alter ego is Donald Duck, he retains Donald's habit of being unemployed, unemployable, or stuck in temporary low-paying menial jobs most of the time. In a fit of Fridge Brilliance, while this is explained by Donald's general bad habits, bad luck and less than stellar personality in regular Disney comics, in these stories the fact that Donald has to run off all the time, spends all nights patrolling, and constantly lies about his whereabouts gets him fired again and again.
    • Superhero Girl
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