< Sailor Moon Abridged

Sailor Moon Abridged/Funny


  • EVERYTHING Raye says. But especially...

Raye: (In the middle of a theme park, No Indoor Voice as usual) I LOVE THE SCREAMS OF CHILDREN!

    • Don't forget

Raye: CATHOLIC GIRLS TASTE BETTER.

    • Episode 31, after Sailor Moon gets knocked unconscious.

Amy: Oh, she's awake! She'll be okay!
Raye: GOD DAMMIT.

    • Or Episode 31's heartwarming ending:

Raye: DON'T WORRY SAILOR MOON, WE'LL ALWAYS BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
Serena: Thanks!
Raye: WITH A KNIFE.
Serena: Oh.
Raye: TO STAB YOU.
Serena: I-I get it.
Raye: AND TWIST IT.
Serena: Okay.
Raye: I HATE YOU!!!
Serena: Thanks, Raye!

    • Her plot to make Darien love her:

Raye: I'M TRIPPING! Oh, Darien! That was a complete accident.

Darien: Oh, Raye! Thank you for bumping into me like that! I'm suddenly filled with the desire to torture small animals and feed on their blood.

Raye: Oh, let's do it together.

(Imagine Spot ends)

Raye: God if that'd happen, I would just die. Oh. Oh, that sounds good. This is becoming a better idea every second!

    • From episode 15/16:

Amy: Talk to me, Raye. You haven't said anything since I came over.
Raye: (speaking at a normal volume) Well, I just sound so funny when I'm sick.

Amy: Oh. Oh my God, you sure do! My eardrums are still intact!

Raye: Sorry, Amy. Jesus must be on my side today.

Amy: Jesus?

Jesus: Yeah?

Raye: I...I don't know! I'm so ill! Amy, make me better! Please!

Amy: Hang in there! We'll get you help.

    • The Christmas Special.

Mina:On the first day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me; this, like, totally awesome bag by Versace. On the second day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me-
Serena: What do you mean he gave it to you?! He's my boyfriend, you lying whore!
Mina: Uh...
Serena: This is my song now. On the second day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me; ME! Two stupid space cats-
Mina: Uh, he totally didn't give those to you. Like, one of those was mine, anyway.
Serena: Well, then he gave me two giant cakes, Cheetos, and marshmallows and Oreos-
Raye: OH MY GOD, SHUT THE *honk* UP!!! I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ANY LONGER!! MY SONG NOW! ON THE THIRD DAY OF CHRISTMAS, TUXEDO GAVE TO ME; THREE GOOD REASONS TO CUT MYSELF, though there was probably more than that, AND A TOTALLY SEXY BAG BY VERSACE. ON THE FOURTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS, TUXEDO MASK GAVE TO ME; FOUR FAGGY GENERALS-
Zoicite: Hu-hu-hu-hu-hu
Raye: ...TWO STUPID SPACE CATS AND A SWEET-ASS PAIR OF HEELS BY VERSACE. ON THE FIFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS, TUXEDO MASK GAVE TO ME-
Serena: Fiiiiiiiive Krrrrrrissspy Kreeeeeeemes! Nom nom nom nom nom, three bags of beer nuts, two giant cakes-Oh my God, I'm drooling-and some Versace thing.

Amy: On the sixth day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me-

Raye: SHUT UP, AMY!!!

Amy: Aww...

Sailor Scouts: five seasons of plot holes-

Lita: Four homo generals-

Raye: All of which will die-

Serena: Two giant cakes, and I can't fit in my new dress by Versace.

Lita: On the seventh day of Xmas, tuxedo mask gave to me; seven rainbow prime crystals, yo-

Amy: Six mischances of speaking up,

Serena: Five Krispy Kremes, nom nom nom nom,

Raye: FOUR FAGGY GENERALS, THREE REASONS TO CUT MYSELF, TWO STUPID SPACE CATS-

Mina: And like, oh my God, did you see this bracelet!? On the eighth day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me; eight- I can't count that high-

Artemis: Seven tequila slammers-

Amy: I'm still singing you guys...-

Raye: FIVE SACRIFICIAL PYRES-

Mina: Four totally cute generals, three sailor scouts-

Lita: There's totally four of us-

Amy: Five actualy-

Mina: Coat by Versace. On the ninth day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me-

Raye: THIS SONG IS *honk*ING ENDLESS!! JESUS CHRIST, *honk* THIS SHIT!!!

Narrator: Her friend Carrie becomes a telekinetic blood thirsty psychopa- whoops, wrong show!!!

Carrie: Sailor Venus!

  • The voices for Malachite Lapis Lazuli and Zoicite Zultanite in the remix episode
  • Two moments from the episode 7 bloopers:

Molly: No, Serena! Go back into your coma, forever!

Amy: Jesus, please bring my friends back!
Off-screen voice: No.

  • This moment in episode 4:

Serena: Mr. Chair? If you see Luna, can you tell her that I need her help?
Off-screen voice: Okay.

  • Episode 26/27, especially the part where Zoicite is chasing Luna and Hercules:

Zoicite: I defy physics!

Zoicite: Oh my god! The rats are eating me! Even though I can teleport!

  • This entire exchange from the movie:

* after Rini produces a toy gun from her Luna Ball*
Raye: "HOLY SH* honk* , THE TODDLER HAS A GUN! A-* honk* ING-MAZING! HEADSHOT!"
* gun fires a tiny suction-cup with a banner attached to it that says "Bang" when it hits Serena*
Raye: "AWWW * honk*, SHE'S OKAY? AWWW!"
Rini: * mumbles*

Serena: "Okay, someone's gotta tell me who the * honk* this kid is!

Lita: "Serena, you don't remember?"

Mina: "Yeah! You were in, like, a food coma for the past seven years, and this is your daughter, Rini!"

Serena: "WHAT? How the hell did THAT happen?"

Lita: "Well...y'see...when a man and a woman love each other--"

Mina: "They snuggle!"

Lita: "Yeah. Sure, Mina. You snuggle all the time...

Mina: "Ew, no, I hate snuggling. I just * honk* 'em and leave."

    • And this:

Fiore: "We will send out the seed of my flowers!"
Sailor Scouts: "Ewwww!"
Fiore: "And we won't stop until the Earth is covered by my seed!"
Sailor Scouts: "Ewwwww!"
Serena: "Oh my God!
Fiore: "The entire earth will die, suffocated by my seed!"
Serena: "Okay, seriously, you need to stop. Sicko."

  • From Episode 2:

Serena: "Those pricks didn't read my letter! I'm gonna go there and complain!"
Luna: "Their address is listed in this newspaper."
Serena: "YOU CAN READ?!?"
Luna: "Serena, if I can talk of course I can read!"
Serena: ".......YOU CAN TALK?!?"

  • Episode 17:

Serena: Don't cut corners, kids!
Luna: You should talk.
Serena: Shut up, you insensitive bitch, I have a learning disability!

  • From the Episode 9 Bloopers:

Tidus: "Aren't you going to congratulatemeshlebabla YOUR PENIS?

    • That's in the real episode as well.
  • From Episode 21

Luna: "Lita! Take this stick and do what I say!"
Lita: "I've heard that line before.."

  • Episode 34's got several; these two in particular stick out IMHO:

(skiers start tripping on small hills)
Skier 1: My ulna!
Skier 2: Your what? Ah, my vulva!
Judgement915: (singing offscreen) And everybody died!

Mina: Chad and I totally had sex earlier!
Chad: Mina, I told you to keep that a secret.
Mina: Keep what a secret?
(Cut to a shocked Raye)
Serena: Oh God, she's speechless...
(Art Shift to live-action explosion site)
Everyone: RUN!!
(Explosion)

  • The Chia Pet ad at the end of episode 28, especially when they promote the "newest Chia Pet, ch-ch-ch-Molly!"

Raye: I DON'T NEED YOU JESUS!
(Slaps Serena)
Serena: Ahhhh...! I didn't do anything!

Raye: SHUT UP, BITCH!

(Slaps Serena again)

Serena: Ow! Why did you-

Raye: THREE FOR FLINCHING!

(Slap)

Serena: OWWW!

Raye: MY PIMP HAND IS STRONG!

(Slap)

Serena: Owww...!

Raye: HRRRRRGGGHHH!

(Slap)

Serena: Ohhhhhhh...

  • From Episode 19:
    • Zoicite's full laughter. It's contageous!
    • Molly's mom's limited vocabulary.

Molly's mom: Molly, what are you doing?
Molly: (after stealing a crystal) Mama!
Molly's mom: Molly, what are you doing?
Molly: I'm sorry, mama!"
Molly's mom: ...Molly, what are you doing?

  • Episode 26/27, when they're about to fight Zoicite and Ami falls over, which causes Lita to look under her skirt.

Lita:' (in a hoarse voice) Damn, I wish I had one of those.

  • Episode 29:

Raye: Yeah, this is my excited face, BITCH.

  • In episode 30 Serena slaps the wounded Darien on the back and notices the blood on her hand.

Serena: Oh look, there's ketchup on my hand. Darien must have had a burger! Yum! (slurp) Wait, this tastes like pennies...

  • Episode 45:

Ami: Well, I don't see anything unusual.
Raye: I don't see anything unusual.
Lita: I don't see anything unusual, yo.
Mina: Our current environmental surroundings do not deviate from nominal conditions.
Everyone: WHAT?

  • From the 36/37 combination episode. After the break of the two parts

"Who's that Pokemon?"
Sailor Moon: "IT'S PIKACHU!"
[With a picture of Sailor Moon]: "It's Snorlax"
Sailor Moon: "Aw that's mean!"

  • From the season finale:

Ditzy Monster: Oh my god! You look just like a Human me!
Sailor Venus: Holy *honk*, you're right.
Ditzy Monster: We should totally be be BFFs!
Sailor Venus: Yeah we should but like, I'm totally not digging your hair, bitch. Venus Crescent Beam Smash!

  • This exchange from episode 19:

Amy: Raye, why were we missing for most of this episode?
Raye: BECAUSE WE WAS SMOKING CRACK COCAINE, BITCH!

  • From Episode 24/25:

Lita: I call upon the powers of Zeus himself. Infuse me with your heavenly thunder--which actually lightning, but no one seems to notice! Pikachu!

  • From Episode 46/47:

Lita: Aw, look at the happy dysfunctional couple, yo.
Serena: Stop making fun of me!
Lita: Okay, I'll make fun of Amy instead. You Amy, nice Planeteers shirt, dawg. You think your *honk*ing Gi or somethin'?

Mina: No, she's the monkey!

  • From Episode 48/49: The whole "Oh Bloody Night" song!
  • From episode 7: The usage of the theme song to The Magic School Bus whenever the girl-snatching Temple Bus appeared, especially when the sight of the bus approaching to the accompaniment of the song caused Serena to go ballistic.
  • From episode 23:
    • Sailor Mercury singing "pickpocket" to the tune of the Hot Pockets jingle as she snatches Greg's wallet.
    • The bypassing of Mercury's friendship speech for Greg.
  • The episode 19 bloopers, full stop.
    • Eric's screw ups come to the fore here. Lampshaded before a difficult line by Megami.

Megami: He's never gonna get this.
Eric: I got it, I got it! At least say it when I'm out of the room!

(Megami leaves the room)

Megami: (muffled) He's not gonna get it!

  • From Episode 50:
    • The girls' explanation as to why they didn't tell Serena earlier that they knew Anne cheated her way to becoming Snow White:

Lita: Too drunk.
Raye: Too drunk.
Amy: Too drunk.
Mina: Ketchup.

    • Mina exclaiming, "And they all lived Happily Ever After!" while Snow White is still unconscious.
      • Unless KrisRix got her Amy and Mina voices mixed up, it sounds like Mina tries to correct herself in the third person afterward.
    • Lita's frustration with her monkey costume:

I'm gonna go *honk*ing ape, man! And I wasn't even trying to be *honk*ing funny either, I'm gonna kill someone in a second!

    • Serena trying to relax before the play by stuffing her fake witch nose with some cocaine she stole from Amy.
    • Lita's catch phrase of the ep:

Lita: You know what they say: bros before hos and I am both of those. I am Sailor Jupiter, bitches!

    • This exchange.

Lita: Hey, look, a clown!

Raye: THAT'S MY SUIT!

  • From Episode 3: Serena orgasming over creme-filled donuts.
  • From Episode 18:

Door Guy: Excuse me miss, do you have an invitation?
Serena: How dare you ask for an invitation from me! I'll have you know that I'm the star of Megami33's Sailor Moon Abridged! You know, the only good one on YouTube?
 

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