Psychonauts/Funny

• Picking just one from Psychonauts is nigh impossible, but there's one line that seems to stick out to everyone this troper knows (including herself):

Raz: Lili! A deranged madman is building an army of psychic death tanks to take over the world, and there's no one who can stop him except for you and me!
Lili: Oh my God! Let's make out!

• • "...Make out? You mean, like, kiss?"
• Or the various responses heard when demolishing Lungfishopolis
  • "Ooooh! GOGGALOR!"
  • puppy orphanage.
  • "He's impervious to bullets! ...and love!"
  • "That was my school .... YAY!"
• "Freedom! "FREEDOM!" '"Free-duuum."'
• This conversation in the game's opening, after the camp counselors unsuccessfully try to read Raz's mind:

Raz: My name...
Coach Oleander: Starts with a 'D'!
Raz: ...is Razputin.
Coach Oleander: Grr....

• • Which is also a subtle reference to the original main character of the game, who was named Dartagnan.
• Also:

Oleander: Is your name Joey?
Raz: No...
Oleander: 'Cause I'm gonna call you "Slowey Joey!"
Raz: That's not my name.
Oleander: What's that, Joey? I can't hear you, you're talkin' too slow!

• • Even funnier when your name is, in fact, Joey.
    • This troper was too busy getting freaked out due to the above circumstance to see how funny it was at first.
• Oleander's full of them:

Oleander: You're like molasses going uphill in January ... with crutches!
Oleander: Dang, my bowels move more than you do, Pokey!

• This troper's new personal favorite is a certain conversation with Elka, a girl who is trying to get Nils's attention by dating JT.

Raz: I found this in Nil's bunk. It looks like it came off a girl's dress!
Elka: -gasp- ...I don't care!
Raz: It looks like it was pulled off by force!
Elka: ...I don't care!
Raz: It's got little teethmarks in it!
Elka: RAZ, PUT THAT THING AWAY OR ELSE I'LL SHOVE IT IN YOUR EYE SOCKET AND SEW IT TO YOUR BRAIN!

• • And immediately after, Dogen's brain and mouth line up long enough for him to make a contribution:

Dogen: Nils kisses girls on the mouth and likes it.

• This troper's personal favorite was the fight with Kochamera. I actually got hit with several of his attacks cuz I was too busy laughing to shield.

"DEADLY... TRIANGLE BEAM!"
"MIGHTY... RAM!"
"OVERLY... INTRICATE... COMBINATION!"
"HARD-TO-AVOID... AREA ATTACK!"

• • What about this?

Kochamara: ...I've got the brain of a little girl back in my lab that's strong enough to power an entire army of Psychoblaster death tanks!
(Raz just bursts out laughing)
Kochamara: What's so funny?
Raz: You've got the brain of a little girl?
(He continues to laugh)
Kochamara: I said in my lab!
Raz: I think you've got the muscles of a little girl too!
Kochamara: Urgh. Good one.

• Any line (or idle animation) by the G-Men in The Milkman Conspiracy. Made even funnier by the robotic monotone in which they say them.

Telephone Repair G-Man: I can listen to any phone conversations I wish, but do not do so out of my sense of professional responsibility.
Plant-watering G-Man: Plants need to have water poured on them because they have no hands to hold glasses of water.
Sewer-working G-Man: Though I often smell of excrement, I deserve your respect because I provide a valuable service to the community. ...Feces.
Construction-worker G-Man: Look at that woman's breasts. They are large.
Housewife G-Man: Sooner or later my husband will desire me less sexually, but he will always love my pies.
Assassin G-Man: Oh no, they got Jerry. Poor Jerry, he was such a great agent... I mean, assassin.

• • How about every single thing the G-Men say or do? Especially "I am a grieving widow. These are my flowers," accompanied by the flowers in question being swung like a golf club.
  • Or, even better, being played as an air guitar.
  • How have you people missed what is possibly the best-delivered line in history?

Boyd: I am the Milkman. My milk is delicious.

• • • Hell, that scene doubles as a CMoA as well as Crowning Moment of Funny.
  • One of the Sewer-Working G-men is desperately trying to pull a plunger off his own face.
    • Another is trying to using his plunger as a trumpet.
• This troper once ran down to the beach and smacked a random seagull with a punch or psy-beam or whatever. Raz supplied a cheery "See ya in hell!" and several minutes later I remembered to stop laughing and breathe.
  • On a related note, if you use pyrokinesis on the birds in the main campground, they burst into flames and leave behind a roast chicken which Raz can eat to regain health. This troper was laughing so hard.
  • Not to mention roast squirrel.
  • Even more pyrokinetic fun: if you use it on Sasha Nein, he'll deadpan "I'm sure you can find a more productive use for that skill, Razputin".
  • Try using it on the giant tree timeline in the camp parking lot. Raz will groan "Aw, they don't trust us with anything!". The devs of the game fully expected people to try and burn everything they could, including the very large piece of wood (the timeline) in the parking lot.
• The mutated lungfish's real name. "Liiiindaaaaa..."
  • It gets twice as hysterical if you happen to be named Linda. I know from experience.
• If you get stamped by the Mega-Censor enough in "Sasha's Shooting Gallery", Agent Nein will eventually stop giving advice and instead mutter things like "My name is Yan Yensen, I live in Wisconsin, I work in the lumberyard there..."
  • "Razputin, see if you can reach into my pocket and hand me my cigarettes."
• Talking to Bonita Soleil. You hear this crying noise all the way down the corridor and then finding her voice is extremely gruff and greasy, quite opposite to the wailing noises.

Raz: "Then, what was with the crying?"
Bonita: "It was just a recording. It helps me relax."

• The fight with Gloria's inner critic.

Raz: "How can I say this and still sound cool... Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never... hurt me?"

• Fighting the Evil Den Mother durning the Milkman Conspiracy is freaking hilarious.

Den Mother: And now I will PLUCK OUT YOUR EYES!
Raz: Ha! You can't! THAT is the purpose of the goggles!

• Boyd's semirandom ranting before you finish his stage can cook up some comedy gold:

...And it's all the fault of... those eggheads in their ivory tower... who went to the prom with... all them haters...Have us all fooled!!

• • I see your prom, and raise you a cult. Looks like Dogan might've been onto something.

...A secret doomsday cult...with the full blessing of...the squirrels!

• • The best lines of that level come from using a cheat to get the confusion grenades early. Using them on the G-men makes them temporarily realize the ridiculousness of their situations. As for Boyd?

Wait a minute, I think there might not be a conspiracy after all! It's possible I'm just suffering paranoid delusions linked to an entity I call The Milkman, who is in actuality... *grenade wears off* the mummified remains of Abraham Lincoln!

• • • Here's one of the best ones from the G-men:

"Okay, I have to think...do this watering can and I have a history?”

• Sasha, before giving you a target to practice with, describes the most horrendous thing imaginable and out pops... an enamel-glass lamp. This Troper literally howls out every time. Also, his wonderful "And the world is a better place." after PSI blasting said lamp out of existence. And his disgusted noises at the new lamps appearing. Well, let's just say the entire scene up to when the Censor Machine flips to overdrive.

Sasha: Excellent. A victory for good taste.

• • After shutting off all the Censor valves, Raz and Sasha have the following exchange:

Sasha: Young man, I hope you've learned a lesson here today.
Raz: Yes, I have: that shooting things is fun and useful!

• • And after defeating the giant boss censor, we get this great exchange:

Raz: So, is this where I get a speech and learn another lesson?
Sasha: No. Here's your merit badge. Let Us Never Speak of This Again.

• I found the final objective of the game really funny, it's called KILL THE TWO-HEADED DAD MONSTER!
• The post-bullfight scene in Black Velvetopia, in which it becomes painfuly obvious to Edgar what and who Dingo and Lampita really are.

Lampita: [Sobbing over Dingo.] That's alright... That's okay... we'll... win the game... some other... day! [Back to sobbing.]

Raz: Oh, please. Edgar, look at them! They're too pathetic to hurt you anymore!

Edgar: How embarrassing. I can't believe I was hung up so long over these losers!

Lampita: [Drops Dingo at noticing Edgar's death glare.] I, I um... I always... loved you more?

Edgar: {{[[[Crowning Moment of Awesome]] Smirks.}}]

Lampita: [Instantly swallowed up by a pitfall in the middle of the arena.] Aaaaaaaaaa-

[Pitfall closes as Raz and Edgar turn around, Edgar looks back, reopening it.]

Lampita: -aaaaaaaaaaaahh! [Thud.]

• • Dingo's exaggerated slack-jawed expression and Lampita trying to fix it make it even funnier.
• The music which plays whenever you reunite emotional baggage with its tag. While the sequence gets annoying after while, I always laugh when I hear that music.
• "The milkman has completed his route.... you guys wanna split a cab? :D"
  • That entire scene is glorious. But I'd say a particular moment of note is:

Gloria: ...Leave? Here?
Fred: Yeah, this place is for crazy people! And I don't know about you, but I ain't crazy no more. [[[Twitchy Eye]].]

• I am sorely disappointed to see this exchange missing:

Dogen: What do you think's wrong with my brain, doctor?
Dr. Loboto: How should I know? I'm a dentist!

• If you interact with the weaver in Ford's sanctuary prior to getting the Cobweb Duster:

Raz: Ford says that this machine can be used to weave pine needles into delicious taffy...
Ford: No I didn't! I said that you can weave Mental Cobwebs into PSI Cards!
Raz: Just testing your hearing! Geez, he's like a bat...
Ford: I'll bat your head in, punk.

• The Psycho-pedia has a few of its own. Just look up Millas room.
  • Despite the fact that it's only five short sentences, the seagull entry is good, too.
• Raz: OK, your name isn't Boyd anymore. It's 'Roid. 'Cause you're a pain in my butt!
• This troper's favorite part is a tie between when Raz persuades the bulldog to do the sign and one of Dr. Loboto's "soothing" comments.

Raz: Who want's to go for a walk?

Loboto: Don't worry, this will only hurt until YOUR BRAINS COME FLYING OUT!

• It's classic when you hit Sasha with a normal palm strike.

Sasha: Yes. Ouch.

• And then there's this scene

Ford: Are you ready?
Raz: No.
Ford: *Slaps* How about now?

• • You can continue this well into being an Overly Long Gag
• And then there's this exchange with the hawk, which comes after a long series of dramatically introduced wrestlers

The Hawk: Kackaw
Raz: Kackaw? That's i-*gets punched in face*
The Hawk: Kackaw!

• And when you call Agent Cruller for help, he and Raz get into a debate over whether "Ca-caw!" is one word or two. ("Well, sure, if you're gonna use a hyphen...")
• All seems lost, and Sheegor insists that her pet tortoise, Mr. Pokeylope, will be able to fix things... And then Mr. Pokeylope, in a deep, smooth voice, comes up with a plan.
  • Just watch Raz's face throughout this little scene. Just... watch.
• After their intense conversation during the first meeting of Raz and Edgar, this happens.

(Beat)
Raz: Well, I'm gonna go back downstairs. You good?
Edgar: I'm good.

• When at the carpenter's door, trying to recruit him for (Fred) Napoleon's army:

Carpenter: Go away, burglar!
Raz: I'm not a burglar!
Carpenter Yes you are! I can hear your feet on my roof. Why don't you go down through the chimney? I've got a nice, hot fire roaring just for you.
Raz: If I was on the roof, how could I be talking to you down here?
Carpenter: ... maybe you're a ventriloquist!

• • And then once you finish his task:

Carpenter: For a ventriloquist, you're pretty tough!

• In the ending scene we're told Lilli's father has been kidnapped then the scene suddenly cuts to Oleander immediately pointed out that he couldn't have done it.
• Raz tries talking with the birds:

Raz: Why don't you come alight on my shoulder? (bird flies away) ... Jerk.

• The second soldier that Napoleon summons:

Soldier: Mon dieu! I... HATE... BRIDGES!!!

Vault Viewer Commentary

• Though technically not part of the game, the commentary that was released alongside the Vault Viewer in September 2011 was full of CMoF. It might not explain a lot about Psychonauts in and of itself, but in a way, it tells us about the mind behind Psychonauts. Which explains almost everything in the game.^[1]
  • In the intro of the commentary:

Tim: Well, [Psychonauts] was made from 2000... zero. To 2005.

• • For example, "Oleander's Pride":

Scott: That child is... he's in need to that box of crosses. Or math.
Tim: A box of math.

Tim: Is he stepping into a vanishing point?

Tim: ...only he's [Oleander] not a pin-up girl. He's king of the army.

Tim: That's the nurse's body, not the coach's assless chaps.

Scott: Go ahead, bro, say what you think is going on there.
Tim: I think- Maybe he has his thumb up his butt.

• • "Oleander's Shame":

Tim: I'm hoping he takes this well and realizes that he should get into another line of work. (Slide changes, showing Oleander shaking a fist.) Oh no.

Tim: And why are those boats on the land?
Scott: They've gotta park 'em somewhere.

Scott: Yeah, I've never had a problem with getting kicked out of the army.

• • "Sasha's First Loss":

Tim: I think that's his hand, though. That's not a pile of mashed potatoes, that's his hand.
Scott: Oh yeah it is!
Tim: Who drew this?

Scott: Oh, did you notice the lamp, dude?
Tim: It's a beautiful tiffany lamp that offers some Discontinuity.

(Later)

Tim: (GASP) It's a tiffany lamp!

Tim: They should make a German western...

• • "Sasha's Second Sight":

Tim: Why is Sasha wearing a beret in this one?
Scott: It's perspective.
Tim: You already used that one.
Scott: It's foreshortening.

• • "Milla's Adventures":

Tim: And then Sasha is uh... lifting some microfilm. Or is it a candy bar?
Scott: Uh...

Tim: And now Milla is dropping down Mission: Impossible style into a pit of seals.
Scott: Dude, those are alligators, bro.
Tim: Oh. I was misled by the fact that they look like seals.

Tim: And she's not scared by the fact that the pedestal says 'No touch' (later) If the note had said 'Please don't touch' Milla probably would have listened to it, but instead is says 'No Touch."

• • "Milla's Children":

Tim: And the teeter totter is on fire... and even the sandbox is on fire! (later) Why did they build the sandbox out of sawdust?

Scott: It's like your reward is this image of burning children.

Tim: Goths probably love this.

Scott: Here's you reward; good playing! You won!

• • "Razputin's Getaway":

Scott: Razputin's Getaway!
Tim: Now what is Razputin getting away from, here?

Tim: That would be like.. a kind of boring psychic skill. The power of memory.
Scott: I'm going to use memory on that!

• • Fan favorite, "The World Shall Taste My Eggs":

Tim: The World Shall Taste My Eggs. This was... it kinda confused some people. Which I... don't know why.

Scott: It's one of the easier ones, I think.

Scott: No wonder people were confused! I'm confused!

Tim: It's actually getting air. That teacup is flying!

Tim: Oh, I see what you're saying. It would contain your vomit if you threw up.

Scott: That's the great thing about teacups.

Tim: The coach's evil plan was to throw up on some skeletons. I don't know why Raz was so dead set on stopping him.

Tim: Well I think we've explained this one really well. If there was any confusion before, now people will understand that this is about a cashew that barfs on skeletons from a teacup.

• • "Lungfish and Loboto":

Scott: Yeah, that's a classic Frankenstein design.
Tim: I don't think Frankenstein had sheet metal stapled to his head.

Scott: I bet she has her own class!
Tim: Yeah, like knitting or watching TV or... how to breathe air... actually, her skills aren't that in-demand.

• • "Lungfishopolis Under Seige!":

Scott: [As Kochamara] Then one by one, come up and give me five!
Tim: Noble, noble Kochamara.

Tim: Is there such a thing as happy tyranny, Scott? That's, like, a discussion question for later. Pause this and discuss it among yourselves.
Scott: Yeah, because they're using this as a text book, right?

• • "Boyd: Fired Again!":

Scott: See? He's sitting on the moon.
Tim: ...That's really unlikely.

Tim: Here's my name. Remember it in jail!

Scott: You get to apologize for him a lot, though.
Tim: Only if he sets fire to something.

• • "Boyd: Hired Again!"

Tim: The coach is giving him some milk... really threateningly.
Scott: I know, dude. Really threateningly.
Tim: Boyd does not know what to make of it.

Scott: No, that's just a peanut butter cookie. That's the international sign for peanut butter cookie. (later) It matches his eyes. He must have peanut butter eyes.

1. ↑ The commentators are Tim Schafer and Scott Campbell, who was responsible for the artwork inside the vaults.