Bigger Is Better in Bed

We do hope that the censors won't be offended by this image of a massive cock.

There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

—Ezekiel 23:20, often called one of the dirtiest passages in The Bible.

The bigger the penis is, the better the sex is.

This assumption is a staple of modern fiction when it comes to Sex Tropes. It's the reason why Compensating for Something is, by its very nature, an insult — everybody knows that a real man has a big dick. A heroic character, when his penis is mentioned (which isn't all that often, except by innuendo), will usually have a big one.

Consequently, this is also the reason why villainous or loser characters are portrayed as having a small penis, or something else small meant to represent a penis. It's a deficiency that makes them bad people, or at least not cool like the heroes are. By further extension, Good People Have Good Sex, to some degree because they're usually well-endowed.

Unsurprisingly, most writers don't really think through the implications of this. This can result in the actual act of sex being physically impossible given the circumstances. Frequently the precise dimensions are given, which conjures up the image of the PoV-character getting out a tape measure.

Obviously, this is a subtrope of Bigger Is Better. When a large penis has comedic value instead of sexual value, see Gag Penis. Contrast with Teeny Weenie, which is a penis which is smaller than the average, and often leads to mockery of the guy who has it because of this trope. See also IKEA Erotica. For female breasts that are big, it's either Buxom Is Better or Gag Boobs.

If this is played as Porn or as part of a sex story, often it includes descriptions of insertions (such as into the throat or anus) which already don't fit "tab A, slot B". Inevitably, they haven't Shown Their Work in explaining what advance preparation or skill is expected to make *that* fit *there* and are blissfully ignorant that bigger is not better when dealing with something that's already problematic. Everything is presumed to be an O-Ring Orifice, even if some activity could cause pain or injury in real life.

When a writer goes extreme, then it can become a case of Anatomically-Impossible Sex. Alternately, it may be a case of Writers Cannot Do Math.

No real life examples, please; this is All The Tropes, not Tropes After Dark.

Examples of Bigger Is Better in Bed include:

Advertising

  • There's a late-night infomercial for a penis-enlargement pill with "testimonials", and among them is a woman who calmly states that the biggest penis she has ever been with was "ten or eleven inches" like it was no big deal, acting pretty calm about the fact she most likely had sex with a small pony, a large dog, or a very abnormal man.
  • "Over 88% of women say that size DOES matter. And the other 12% are lying."- Opening line from 'Extamax' commercial. It later uses the Empire State Building, and pictures labeled 'actual disappointment' and 'actual hopelessness'.
  • Spam for penis-enlargement pills. Perhaps most notable, not to mention worrying, was the spammer who sent out e-mails with the subject line: "12 more inches ain't so bad, dont you think so?". 12 more inches?


Anime and Manga

  • Roberto from Monster. If we are to believe the obese prostitute with whom he was having sex.
  • Randel Oland from Pumpkin Scissors. The amazing size of his penis leads to one nurse at the hospital where he's staying to become obsessed with finding a hospital male urinal (like this one) that would fit him. This leads to a running joke where the nurse constantly attacks him during his stays with urinals she's reinforced or new attempts at shoving him in them. It goes without saying that Randel is appropriately terrified of her.
  • Subverted by the hentai manga Slut Girl in which our hero Satoru is called average-sized by his freeloading harem but more than makes up for it by his raw libido and stamina.
  • Panty from Panty and Stocking With Garterbelt certainly believes this, but this trope is actually subverted when she tries to have sex with Brief after she regrows her hymen in the final episode—his size just makes it even more painful.
  • In The Elven Bride, the titular bride's human husband has to quest for a special lubricant to allow them to finally consummate their marriage. This is because elves are smaller in the pertinent parts, and his human proportions are just too much for her. In the second episode, she has a conversation with some other fantasy-race women in interspecies relationships, including a halfling girl who has an ogre boyfriend.
  • Averted in Koibana Onsen, Shuuhei's large penis makes it even harder for him to get intimate with his girlfriend who has anxiety problems.
  • Played straight on Takeshi Matsu's Three Animals Go yaoi story, with a twist. Saito had the biggest penis of his circle of friends, so much a regular-sized condom wouldn't fit him. His partner on the receiving end, more than writhing in pain from being constantly penetrated balls-deep by a member that could have easily pierced through him, was actually enjoying Saito going harder and faster. Turns out, Saito missed Kanji's hole; he was just rubbing their penis heads against each other. From behind. Neither guy was particularly thin, for that matter.


Comic Books

  • Several characters in the Italian porn series Ramba. Deconstructed; it is shown as being painful to the women involved, and is sometimes used to deliberately torture them.
  • In the Love and Rockets "Palomar" stories, Gato, who has been married to both Pipo and Guadalupe, has a huge one. Pipo has apparently become accustomed to it and doesn't think much of average-sized men. She dates Igor, of comparable size (Gato and Igor actually compare in a bathroom), and later has several sexual encounters with an unnamed, sleazy-looking character who dwarfs even Gato and Igor. She has no problem with his size in any opening. But then there's Fritzi, who has a fulfilling sex life with mostly average-sized men - ironically including Pipo's son Sergio - and is twice married to the "love of her life," Scott the Hog. He's described as having a barely functioning "choad."
  • Killer Condom and To The Bones by Ralph König:
    • Exaggerated, parodied and deconstructed: inspector Maccaroni sports a 40 cm thing. He's shown having a first time with a rentboy, who thinks he cannot handle it despite his profession. Maccaroni claims that "they all whine like that in the beginning, but in the end, they all love it". However, Maccaroni is unhappy because he feels that his lovers only love his penis and think they tend to forget that "there's a person hanging from it".
    • Discussed: Maccaroni meets a similarly well-endowed porn actor, and they have a talk about how very large penises can be troublesome.
  • Implied in Horndog with the strip's main character, Bob.


Fan Works

  • The fanfic version of this trope, taken to its logical extreme. (The link doesn't go to the fic itself, just the fanfic-rants post about it. The fic itself, unfortunately, is lost.)
  • In the fan-dubbed Fisting the North Star, one of the characters is actually named "Biggus Dickus." Naturally, it also abuses other sexual tropes.
  • A (generally surprisingly good) slash of "Snow White" includes a thirty-foot-long dragon that enjoys being deep-throated by humanoid species, and using magic to reemerge from another orifice. It is shown as mostly uncomfortable for the recipient and undertaken only as an alternative to being eaten (not the fun way).
  • Trevor "Hotshot" Cole of DC Nation had a brief stint as a porn actor. When this is discovered, his female teammates and their friends track down the film and make a movie night of it. Batwoman (Kathy Duquense from DCAU) is notably impressed at Trevor's "door prize from God".
  • Actually played for drama in Misfiled Dreams, about how it being too big might not actually be pleasing for a woman, but rather painful.
  • In Naruto Veangance Revelaitons, Ronan's penis is initially described as two feet long, then later descriptions indicate that it's four feet long. One description, later indicated to be a typo, had his penis mentioned as being 45 feet long. However, at times this edges on an accidental Deconstruction, since Ronan's pelvic thrusts are apparently quite painful to Sakura, once even injuring her spine and her lungs.
  • In Light and Dark - The Adventures of Dark Yagami, Dark grows to the size of a bus as King of the Shinigami, and his penis is also the size of a bus in that form. It's so large that apparently, a plane can land on it.
  • The Axis Powers Hetalia Troll Fic BECAUSE I'M GERMANY contains a description of the titular character's five-billion-mile penis. It bears mentioning that this is about the distance between the sun and Pluto's aphelion; in other words, 53.7 astronomical units or 7.74 light-hours. Mercifully, Germany never actually puts his star-system-sized junk to use, but it's still rather impressive when a character has an organ large enough to have its own gravitational field.


Films

  • Just to put it out of the way: Everywhere in porn, be it straight or gay.
  • Gattaca feels the need to inform us that, despite his genetic "inferiority", Vincent has "beautiful equipment". It was actually a prosthetic, and the doctor knew this the whole time. He was admiring the craftsmanship.
  • Young Frankenstein went into about half a dozen jokes going on about the monster's enormous Schwanzstucker, which isn't a real German word.
  • In Blazing Saddles, the hero actually manages to convert a seductress hired by the villain to the good guys purely by impressing her with his penis.
  • Inverted in A Chinese Torture Chamber Story, where it's also a plot point: Gott has such an impossibly large penis that no woman will have sex with him. He's also a very nice guy, so he refuses to force his arranged wife to take it. Eventually, the size of his genitals and what happens to them are the single most important plot point. This movie is weird.
  • Averted in Full Metal Jacket, where a Vietnamese hooker doesn't want to have sex with a black Marine, because she thinks that his penis is too big.
  • Lady Snowblood averts this. When the blackmailer Genjiro reveals his gigantic penis, the reaction from Oyuki, the title character, is not adulation, but horror. Genjiro himself is aware of the implications of his large penis, noting that one that large will usually cause the receiving woman serious pain. (In the manga it was made clear that Oyuki was a lesbian.)
  • Anchorman. Don't act like you're not impressed!
  • For the film Watchmen, the electric blue penis of the nearly-perpetually naked Doctor Manhattan lead to many, MANY, snickers about the blue wang being a main character. The extended directors version contains more scenes involving said character. A scene with Dr. Manhattan walking towards the camera, his thighs batting himself back and forth proved a last straw for the studio, who then drew the line.
  • Meat from Porky's, who elicits a "That boy is deformed!" from a woman pretending to be a prostitute.
  • Tarik in Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle has a remarkably philosophical attitude about all the bad fortune he endures - he explains that having a big penis helps him cope.
  • Aversion: In the film Kinsey Alfred Kinsey and his wife have come to a doctor because they're having trouble consummating their marriage. The doctor explains that sometimes, if a woman with a thicker-than-usual hymen is matched with a well-endowed man, it can make sex tough. He holds out a (short, roughly 6") ruler and asks Kinsey's wife to point to the ruler, indicating how big the...member in question is. She hesitates, then points to a spot in the air TWO INCHES past the end of the ruler. The doctor just raises his eyebrows a bit and says, "I'm surprised you didn't pass out."
  • In Showdown in Little Tokyo, Brandon Lee's character accidentally looks in on Dolph Lundgren and Tia Carrera's characters' love scene. Later, as they both face death from a Torture Technician, Lee feels the need to complement his partner's equipment, in case he doesn't get another chance.
  • Invoked in Bedazzled. Brendan Fraser's character is granted seven wishes by the devil, which he uses to attempt to woo the woman of his dreams. He wishes to be a famous athlete, but she can't take him seriously when she discovers his tiny penis. Then, with his next wish, he specifically asks for a large penis, and ends up gay.
  • Subverted in Dragnet (the 1987 film version) in a Does This Remind You of Anything? bit: 

Connie Swail (who has just been rescued from becoming a virgin sacrifice): How come his is so much bigger than yours? 
Officer Joe Friday: Miss? 
Connie Swail: The gun.
Officer Joe Friday: I've never needed more.

  • M*A*S*H - 'Painless' Waldowski is remarkable enough that folks line up to take a peek at him in the shower. Remarks one: "I'd like to see that angry!"
  • The main character in The Seventies film Welcome Home Brother Charles kills his enemies and pleasures their wives with his ridiculously large and prehensile penis. And of course, it's Blaxploitation.
  • Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights. His very large penis is the main reason he got into the porn business. Dirk was based on the real-life porn star John Holmes, who was famous for the same reason.
  • Discussed in the German movie Der Eisbär. The titular character worries a bit if he's "inadequate". A female friend of his ex tells him that it's not length that matters, but girth. He shares that information with others later.
  • In Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood, this is how Ashtray misinterprets Dashiki's comment that he can't live up to his "responsibilities".

Dashiki: Oh, so you're man enough to come up in me, but you ain't man enough to take care of what comes out, get my nails done, pay my rent, and get me a new car? You know what? You ain't nothing but a little boy.
Ashtray: Ain't all about the size of the boat! It's the motion in the ocean.
Dashiki: ...That's not what I'm talking about.

  • Invoked in Rock Slyde. He stars in a pair of "art films" (gay, pirate-themed musical pornos) but becomes a detective instead, because he's "hung like a hamster".
  • In Moulin Rouge, Ewan McGregor's character Christian is said to have a "Huge Talent", and John Leguizamo played the Post-Impressionist artist Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, who was said to have been very well-endowed.

Literature

  • Played seriously in Harlan Ellison's short story I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream, in which one of the main characters, Benny (a formerly gay and very handsome scientist), is transformed by AM into a apelike creature with horse-like genitalia. This may be Values Dissonance and/or Unfortunate Implications in action, as gay men can be as fond of this trope as straights (see, for example, the work of Tom of Finland); Ellison implies that AM made Benny ugly and partially retarded because he was handsome and smart, and that making him overendowed was to make him appealing to the one woman trapped in AM.
  • The Anita Blake series is guilty of this. At the extreme end, a character is mentioned as having one six inches ... wide. And a foot long. Yes, a forearm-sized penis. Never mind that in real life it would be a painful handicap. Said character is derisively called 'Tripod' by fans and anti-fans alike.
    • And another character—considered to be merely "well-endowed"—was described in inches. Somebody measured that, and figured out that it would be the size of a two-liter soda pop bottle. And yet, we're supposed to think that a tiny woman can "handle" such a thing because she's simply that awesome.
  • In Please Kill Me, a book about the late 1960s counterculture and the birth of punk, one of the interviewees explains the reason for Jim Morrison's popularity. It wasn't his poetry, that's for sure.
  • After her first session with a new love interest, the heroine of John Varley's Steel Beach specifically references this trope when she bitches at length about the tendency of first time Female-to-Male gender benders to check off the "HUNG" option even though they'd just been girls themselves and really ought to know better.
    • Also averted in Varley's Titan series, when a woman from a monogender Lady Land informs her first male lover in all seriousness that she's very happy his penis isn't too big. He takes it as a compliment anyway.
  • In David Drake's Cross the Stars, Don "Mad Dog" Slade dismisses the notion that a large penis equals sexual prowess ("It's not the size of the tool, it's the skill of the workman") but not until after the author mentions that his army buddies briefly called him "Tripod" before an earlier nickname reasserted itself.
  • Jondalar of the Earth's Children series spends much of Valley Of The Horses whining about how he can't find a woman who can take him at full length without pain, despite his otherwise legendary bed skills. The fact that Ayla could is one of the things that supposedly mark them as soul mates. Never mind that those who'd read the first book, Clan of The Cave Bear, know there's probably a not-so-wonderful reason Ayla can take him without complaint. His defining trait earned him the nicknames, "Jondalar The Wonder Penis" and "Dongalar."
  • Mario Puzo takes a rather large detour from describing the Corleone family saga in The Godfather to describe Sonny's large penis. The moment makes it into the movie as well if you're looking for it during the wedding scene - watch his wife's hand gestures carefully. However, this is one of the few realistic examples: His wife complains how painful sex is, and Sonny's mistress Lucy has an enlarged vagina. Lucy needs vaginal reduction surgery later on, in order to have good sex with lesser men than Sonny.
  • One of Larry Niven's characters in Known Space is a rich thrill-seeker nicknamed Elephant. For good reason. Or so his girlfriend claims.
  • Four of those procured for the main characters of the Marquis de Sade's The 120 Days of Sodom are men selected entirely on the sizes of their penises. The best-endowed among them sports a member 13 inches long and 8.25 inches in circumference (2.6 inches in diameter).
    • One of those main characters, the Duc de Blangis, is similarly endowed. Averted, since he injures many people he has sex with, and is described as only having vaginal sex out of cruelty. His best friend the Durcet LOVES it.
    • Things get more out of hand, so to speak, in his Justine, one man has an organ 18 inches long by 16 in circumference, others are 18 by 12.
    • He goes in great detail on four of the 8 "fuckers" that the protagonists bring with them. None have anything under double-digits.
    • Averted in that Bande-Au-Ciel was taken over bigger ones because he was perpetually erect, as opposed to others who had difficulty with that. Note that he is still 11 inches long.
  • There is an Arabian Nights-inspired story in which two illicit lovers earn a single wish each at the story's beginning. The hero uses his one wish for the obvious type of self-improvement, allowing him to better please his lover: a genie's human betrothed. When the genie and her father come to kill her lover, the bride-to-be uses a magical bag to reduce the hero's penis to near-microscopic size. Seeing this, the genie is so humiliated to have lost his bride to such a poorly-endowed man that he departs in shame. Disgusted, the father disowns his daughter, leaving her to whatever feeble pleasure she might gain from wedding the ill-equipped hero... not realizing that she has one wish left.
  • In one of Pu Songling's fairy tales, the protagonist is too well endowed for any (human) woman to handle safely. So then a werefox tries to seduce him, he is overjoyed. Alas, he proves too big even for the shapeshifting fox, and narrator quips about how chasing away werefoxes could become his profession.
  • Mocked in one of the Deathlands novels; Doc Tanner's sometime girlfriend Lori runs off and has an affair with a local bad boy. She then returns to the group, complaining that his big dick came with a small brain. Ryan dryly remarks that he "hears that's often the way".
  • In the Red Dwarf novel Better Than Life, in the Better Than Life simulation, Rimmer tries to invoke this trope by acquiring artificial bodies with bigger and bigger penises, to the point where they approach Gag Penis levels. Unfortunately, instead of improving his sex life, it simply reveal Rimmer's huge insecurities, a point he is forced to confront himself over when he sees Lister's humble but happy life.
  • There is a Russian poem (traditionally attributed to Ivan Barkov, although the only thing experts agree upon is that it's not the case) called "Luka Mudischev". It is a story about a widow who looked for a really big dick, and found a 35 cm one attached to the eponymous guy (his last name meaning something akin to "Big Balls")... Let's just say that the end is TRULY ghastly.
  • In The Hellfire Club by Peter Straub, the villain Serial Killer Dick Dart is repeatedly stated to have this. He's awfully proud of it, too, saying that his name was rather appropriate. He claims that women are crazy about him because of it, and he's shown to get very frustrated when he can't make Nora climax.
  • In John Ringo's There will be Dragons, a small (4'1) elf says she used to be married to a yeti. When asked why, she says, "Think about how big his hands are. Now think lower." The stunned audience goes, "Wha ... how... ?" and she replies "Everyone's the same height lying down."
  • Two of Tom Reamy's works of fiction (a short story and a novel) featured women raped to death (torn apart) by ridiculously well-endowed humanoid monsters (a demon and a minotaur). In one, the investigating detective measures out some massive amount of seminal fluid during the autopsy. Tom wrote well but he may have had issues of some sort.
  • In One Hundred Years of Solitude, the eldest son, José Arcadio is described as headstrong, impulsive, and according to the traveling prostitute, has one of the largest pieces of genitalia she's ever seen.
    • His descendant Aureliano Babilonia is also similarly endowed. With him, sometimes the trope's Played for Laughs (like when he gets drunk with his friends and uses his wang for tricks), sometimes averted (his sex scene with his friend Nigromanta, in which his size scared her at first), and sometimes played straight (his sex life with his unknown aunt Amaranta Ursula).
  • In Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure, Fanny Hill seduces the virginal young squire of her current lover, and is both delighted and horrified to discover the young man is equipped with "the maypole of a young giant".
  • The genetically altered Minotaur in Piers Anthony's Battle Circle series Var the Stick had equipment so large it apparently crushes the internal organs of the recipient. Maidens are given to the creature as a sacrifice in this manner.
  • Deconstructed in-universe in, of all things, The 13th Warrior. The narrator, a well-traveled Arab, becomes the object of multiple women's passes, and eventually asks why. On learning that local gossip attests that Arabs are well-endowed in this respect, he muses about how every place he's ever visited has told similar rumors, always about the men of some distant land, and never in agreement about which distant land is so-gifted.
  • Deconstructed in one of the Montgomrey Chronicles books by Jude Deveraux: a minor character has a huge penis, but has a lousy sex life because not even the most experienced professionals will want to risk themselves handling that. Being given for him to rape is used as a sadistic threat against the female protagonist.
  • Subverted in Fool by Christopher Moore. The main character's apprentice, Drool, sports a Gag Penis. Several women comment that they wouldn't shag him even if he wasn't mentally retarded, as they wouldn't be able to sit down for a week. The only woman who can ride Drool without any problems is a ghost.
    • On the other hand, Drool, despite being dangerously retarded, IS considered great in bed when a woman finally lays with him. The ghost (who rode him and did all the work) spends most of the book chasing Drool, and the two women tricked into sex with him love it, even if they are sore afterwards. So it's more a Double Subversion.
  • Averted in Graham Swift's Waterland. One character's too big for sex.
  • John from John Dies at the End is described this way, especially by himself, all the time.
    • At one point, John mentions having "dick-whipped" a group of guys he'd gotten into a fight with, and David (who knows John's probably lying anyway) casually wonders if John meant that he'd whipped them in the dick or with his dick.
  • This is standard procedure for romance novel heroes.
  • Mentioned in the Men At Arms, about dwarves. It's never confirmed whether it's true or not and the only (nonhuman) dwarf that asks about it keeps mistaking it for being well endowed with money.
  • One of Anthony Pryor's stories from The Wulf Archives has Wulf's partner comment approvingly on how big his equipment is. Wulf's narration notes: "it's really not that big, but then again what man doesn't like to hear that?"
  • Averted in Brennu-Njáls saga. Although this is bowdlerised in some translations, the exact nature of the curse that the Norwegian Queen Mother places on Hrútr Herjólfsson is that he becomes so large when sexually aroused that it becomes impossible for him to have intercourse with any sane woman.
  • Paul Gillette's roman a clef Carmela goes on and on and on about this. It's about opera singers, so the catch phrase is "Is it true that the deeper a man's voice, the bigger his manhood?" Basso Emilio Mosso (partly based on Ezio Pinza) repeatedly proves that Dio mio, e vero, e vero! That is, until he finds out later in life that he has prostate cancer and needs surgery. He's so afraid they're going to cut it off that he refuses surgery and dies.

Live-Action TV

  • Coupling's Patrick Maitlan had a sex toy molded after him coming in at about ten inches.

Jeff: Even that bit?
Patrick: Especially that bit.

  • Subverted in an episode of Sex and the City. Samantha hooks up with a guy who warns her that he has an enormous penis. She is excited at first... until she sees it. When they do have sex, it turns out that it's too huge for her to take.
    • In another, she meets a man who is the model for the second-most successful sex toy in the United States (#1 in Canada). It turns out that he's tired of women only seeing him as a walking penis, and tries to impress her with his poetry. She's not interested in his poetry.
  • In a deleted scene from the Torchwood episode "Meat", in which the romantic rivalry between Jack and Rhys over Gwen comes to a climax, Ianto comments that he "half-expected [them] to get out the measuring tape." Jack, being Jack, apparently makes him, er, make his own estimate. (Which, by the way, might explain the "measuring tapes never lie" at the end of "Adam.")
  • In an episode of Rome, Atia sends Servilia the gift of a slave with a gigantic dick. Yes, we see all of it. 

Atia: A large penis is always welcome.

  • The MTV series The Hard Times of RJ Berger focuses on the class punching bag. One day, he gets pantsed during an assembly, and his underwear falls down in the process, granting the whole school an eyeful of his large dick. Suddenly, his social life changes radically.
  • Averted in the J-drama Trick. Physics professor Ueda Jiro's oversized penis is frequently commented on, and although it once impressed another man, when it comes to women, it renders Ueda a virginal loser and the butt of jokes.
  • The fundamental premise of Hung is that the main character, being, well, hung (and thus being well hung), can get work as a high-class gigolo.
  • A substantial part of Ashton Kutcher's character on Two and A Half Men appears to be that he's free with his body, with good reason.
  • In How I Met Your Mother, Future!Ted tells his kids that he can't remember exactly how he got over his lingering jealousy after his amicable breakup with Robin, but he's sure it was something "deep and meaningful, and not at all macho and petty." In truth, he got over it when she revealed to him that his penis was bigger than that of her Adonis of a rebound boyfriend.
  • On Friends, Rachel finds Chandler naked and handcuffed in her boss' office, although the audience sees him in tighty whities. In any event, she needs him to stay there so her boss won't know she broke in. She bribes him by promising to be complementary in her description, making him "this generation's Milton Berle."
  • In a sketch of the Saturday Night Live episode hosted by Susan Dey, she played a judge in a courtroom scene where the defendant was supposedly well-endowed. Since this fact was important to the case, he was required to expose himself to the judge and jury. With the camera trained on Dey, the lawyers and the jury box, there is the sound of the defendant's fly being unzipped followed by the sound of his member hitting the table with a loud thump.
  • Implied in an episode of My Wife and Kids. Jaye paints a picture of her husband Michael in the style of Michelangelo's David; when it's unveiled at the art gallery, a woman gasps "Lordy, how do you find time to paint?!"
  • There's an episode of Las Vegas where the women of the casino come across a pamphlet advertising a male stripper who looks exactly like their co-worker Mike. The stripper has a famously large penis. All the women start treating Mike very, very well, until he figures out what's going on, arranges a show for them with the stripper and finally convinces them he's not moonlighting. Never has a man been so anxious to prove he doesn't have a large penis.
  • Rose from the Golden Girls was taught that the difference between boys and girls by her father showing her a bull on the farm, which gave her a false impression about men and a surprise on her wedding night.

Rose: "Boy that bull would have been jealous."

  • In Alien Nation, apparently the Newcomers are "hung like a horse". George at one point becomes confused by the purpose of condoms. Sykes, somewhat reluctantly, takes pity on his new partner and explains the contraceptives purpose, rolling one over his fingers to demonstrate how it's supposed to be placed on the penis. George quizzically asks if the condom really fits, with Sykes answering that it's made of rubber and shows him that it stretches a great deal. George's response is a somewhat more quizzical "And it still fits?" Cue sidelong glance from a female officer.
  • On Spartacus: Blood and Sand, Ilithyia is unsure of which of the recruits to sponsor... so she has them strip, and immediately picks (as Varro describes him) "the one with the horse cock." This being Spartacus, we do see it, and it is impressive.

Music

  • The song 12 Inch by Niels De Vries is about a man with a 12 inch.
  • Joe C.: "The Ladies' pick / I'm a crazy hick! / Three-foot-nine with a ten-foot-dick!"
  • Da Vinci's Notebook "Enormous Penis". "Whenever life gets you down..."
    • "My meat is murder"
  • Dyslexic Speedreaders (Mickey Avalon, Dirt Nasty, and Andre Legacy): My Dick "is like supersize"; your dick "is like two fries." It gets better (or worse) from there.
  • In Mc Chris's album Dungeon Master of Ceremonies, there is a skit where this is Lampshaded (so to speak). MC Chris learns that Jesus has a 4-foot penis, and asks if it hurts the women he has sex with. Jesus responds that he "magically extends their cervix up to about their chest area".
  • Voltaire's "Worf's Revenge" To quote:

When the ladies see the beast I got between my thighs
They say "Perhaps today is a good day to die"

  • Then, there's Rodney Carrington's song, "12 inch dick, a dozen roses and a pickup truck." The song is a man singing about the three things he has that are going to make his woman happy tonight.
  • Butcher Pete by Roy Brown (part 1) (part 2) which was featured in Fallout 3, at first it sounds like a song about a Serial killer (fitting for the game) but if you pay attention you'll notice that it's actually about a Serial rapist (also fitting for the game) with a "long, sharp knife"
  • Amateur Transplants' "Titanic" subverts it:

"Suddenly you panic, my dick is titanic, you know it won't fit, it's too long
You scream, you're sick, it's eight inches thick, and we try but it all goes so wrong..."

  • Adam Sandler's 7 Foot Man from the Stan and Judy's Kid album.

"My last girlfriend died because my peniiiiiisssss...IS SEVEN FOOT WIIIIIIIIIDE!"

  • Frank Zappa's Bwana Dik from the Live at the Filmore '71 Album.

"My dick is a monster. Give me your heart. Bwana Dik is a legend, enormous thou art!"

"Pulsating steel protrudes from my thighs
She who spreads is she who dies
Long as my arm, five times as thick
You'll die at the end of my IRON DICK."

  • The obscene folk song "A Matlow Told Me" (also known as "The Fucking Machine") matches a "bloody great" mechanical penis with a (natural) vagina of analogous width. The result is decidedly not sexy.
  • A few examples in the Eminem song Won't Back Down. The most triumphant example, though:

"I'm an uncooked slab of beef layin' on your kitchen floor.
Other words, I'm off the meat rack,
Bring the beat back, bring me two extension cords.
I'mma measure my dick. Shit, I need six inches more.
Fuck, my dick's big."

I hate big cocks. What’s the point of having something that bruises your cervix, hangs half out of you and takes about ten minutes to get stiff?

  • The song "Evil Dick" by the rock band Bodycount is about Ice-T's supposed big dick possessing him and forcing him to ravage through a lot of women.

Tabletop Games

  • The infamous RPG FATAL. Let's just say this trope affects your character sheet.
  • On a similar note the infamous 'Lidda and the Ogre' Dungeons & Dragons fanfic.
  • GURPS has a feature for males called "enhanced primary sexual characteristics".
  • In the Shadowrun game, a magician's astral body conforms to his or her "idealized self-image." This made for an amusing scene in the Shadowrun novel Burning Bright, when mage Kyle Teller appears to two female characters in his naked astral body. Comparison to rumors about male trolls, orks, and "even dwarfs" follow.
  • In Dungeons & Dragons' book of erotic fantasy it is specifically averted. Your character's size has no impact at all on his sexual prowess. It also says a player can choose how big he is just like he can choose a character's eye color.

Theater

  • The Commedia dell'arte thought that this was hysterical and actors often used comically large fake penises for simulated sex on stage.
  • Implied in Les Miserables. Thernadier's wife is annoyed because her husband "thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there."
  • In the Broadway production of The Addams Family, Gomez tells Mal that the deed to his house was originally bestowed upon his ancestor Alphonse the Enormous by Queen Isabella of Spain for "services rendered". When Mal asks what the "services" were, Gomez nervously repeats his ancestor's name and title a couple of times, and then says, "Do you want me to draw you a diagram?"

Video Games

  • In Fate/stay night, Rin actually freaks out when she sees Shirou naked. She was a virgin and extremely nervous (so was Shirou, for that matter); Saber and Sakura are admiring, but not shocked. Shiki, on the other hand, managed to impress even the relatively experienced Kohaku.
  • In Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, Mike Toreno, in one of his calls to C.J., makes mention of how Sweet is getting a new cellmate in prison, a guy known only as "Horse Cock Harry." We never do meet the guy, but while the "eight kilometers of cock" line is plainly an exaggeration on Toreno's part, it's made abundantly clear that Sweet is going to have a really bad time of it.
    • While not being a real dick in the game, there are chainsaw motors with a built on vibrator the size the chainsaw blade would have in sex shops.
    • In Grand Theft Auto Vice City Tommy can find an enormous double-ended dildo in the VCPD showers, easily large enough to use as a melee weapon.
  • The conversation a male PC has in Neverwinter Nights 2 with that one demon in Jerro's Haven who questions your gender, and especially Neeshka's attempts to back you up.
  • In Katamari Damacy, there's the Bulge of All Cosmos. In one game, The King mentions "the size of Our royal thing." Yeah.
  • In Saints Row the Third, you have the sex appeal slider during character creation, which, in men's case, enlarges the size of their penis.
    • As well as gaining a 3 foot long purple dildo you can use as a melee weapon called "The Penetrator" after breaking Zimos out of the dungeon of a Bordello run by a rival gang.
    • Kinzie also has one behind some boxes in her hideout. Imagining her actually using it isn't to surprising when you realize how agoraphobic she is.

Web Comics

  • In Boy Meets Boy, Mikhael's "freakishly large" penis is supposedly the main reason why his and Harley's sex life is so good, which in turn seems to be one major reason why their relationship is so good. It's really best not to over-analyze this comic.
  • Ellen from Questionable Content brings up this trope due to being apparently worried about sex since her only experience was watching porn about guys with a case of this. Her boyfriend worries about what she'll think of his in comparison, and she tells him she's relieved since it looked painful.
    • Also, in one strip when Raven asks Dora about Marten's penis size, to shut her up Dora tells her "It's about the size of my forearm and fist, and just as dexterous." Raven then tries to diagram this on the coffee shop chalkboard to figure out how he fits it in his pants.
  • xkcd
    • If you don't get this comic, say his wish out loud.
    • xkcd also has this (maybe NSFW) to say.
  • Jason from Something*Positive may be both a use and subversion of this trope. One one hand, he was extremely popular with the ladies prior to his marriage, but, on the other hand, the only woman we've actually seen reacting to it onscreen responded with an expression of terror and the words "Uh, Jason? Could you please put that big...thing back in your pants? It hurts my pelvis to look at it." We don't see the appendage in question, so you have to use your imagination.
  • Implied in The Order of the Stick with Elan (18 Charisma!).
  • Peter of Peter Is the Wolf. Other than that one "feature", Peter is the runt of his pack; small for a human, let alone a werewolf. But he still keeps his girlfriend happy.
    • In his wolf form, it's the only thing that gets bigger, and he can hit himself in the face with it.
  • Kyle from Juvenile Diversion is well endowed, which leads to some very enjoyable times for Jenny.
  • Outright stated as such in Jay Naylor's Huckleberry Ann.
  • Appears in the NSFW webcomic Sexy Losers, where one of the main characters is a mother who lusts after her son. In one strip she sees that he has a huge penis, which he (unfortunately for her) didn't inherit from his father.
  • Carrie from Loserz met a guy "with a dick like a python" in this strip.
  • Rory from Teahouse, the youngest, shortest and most expensive of the courtesans because of his virginity, turns out to have an enormous penis, which persuades Lord Reed to become his exclusive client, despite the cost.
  • Richard of SSDD was apparently named "Dick" for a very good reason.

Web Original

  • Occurs in the Whateley Universe to the character Phase. She's a guy who was turned into a girl, but her 'equipment' did not change, and is in fact getting BIGGER. Also, Chad/Merry/Paige/Petra suffers from this, except that s/he has both sets of equipment.
  • This trope causes much pain to Protectors of the Plot Continuum. See the Fanfic section for a couple of examples of what they've had to combat.
  • Occasionally pops up in Chakona Space, part of Garrek's popularity with vixens is suggested to be his "endowment". Leanna, being a genetically engineered (former) sex slave, is pretty large as well, no specifics but the only reason shi can look like a female is that hir penis is designed to retract into her pelvis. And speaking of genetically engineered sex slaves...
  • Sites like Literotica have a real problem with writers submitting stories where men have bizarrely proportioned genitals. Like a penis ten inches long and eight inches wide.
  • Artist nikoh combines this with Hermaphrodites and Naruto females, mostly Hinata. Averted by the Uke men, who are average in size.
  • Terry from This LPSG Thread fluctuates between this and Gag Penis. His Friend, Chris, is pretty much only Gag Penis at this point.
  • In an alternate reality where The Nostalgia Critic was never born, The Cinema Snob instead became the world's greatest male porn star. Apparently all of the Nostalgia Critic's mass went into the...uh...(not-so-)Little Snob? Add this to his voice, which spontaneously causes women to have orgasms, and it's no wonder how he got his acclaim.
  • This (The Customer is) Not Always Right story, with a side of Gag Penis. "If that (condom) doesn't fit your husband, can I have his number?"

Western Animation

  • South Park, "Chinpokomon": In this episode, a bunch of Japanese businessmen are using the South Park universe's version of Pokémon in order to brainwash American kids into Japanese soldiers. When any of the adults get suspicious, they flatter the men by saying they have such big, American penises (combines with Gag Penis in that they use some rather comedic descriptive words), while their Japanese penises are so tiny. This tactic works every time, so it's up to the women to make the men realize what's going on.
    • The episode title is a Bilingual Bonus referring to this; "chinpo" is Japanese for "penis", and "chinpoko" is a diminutive. Thus, "Chinpokomon" literally means "[small] penis monsters".
    • There's another episode that starts with Cartman freaking out because the school posted the boys' penis sizes for everyone to see and insists that it's slander, making everyone measure and post their real sizes. (As it turns out, it's actually how much taller they've grown since last year.) Cartman tries to claim that he's over thirteen inches, but the guys don't buy it and force him to be measured, where it's revealed that he's the smallest boy in the school. And of course, the boys are all pre-pubescent.
  • The Boondocks: The Health Inspector and his 3 foot penis. There is no censor bar in the DVD version. And it leads straight to Prison Rape.
  • The Venture Brothers:
    • One episode features an assassination attempt on Brock Samson while he was in the shower. When his towel falls off, the assassins slowly break into applause.
    • There's an episode in the first season where he was interrupted in the middle of attempted sex with Molotov Cocktease. And it's shaped like a brick.
    • Billy Quizboy, changing from his squash clothes next to Monstroso, explained feeling quite inadequate as a man in comparison to the gigantic attorney.
    • After most of Phantom limbs limb's are removed in an explosion the Alchemist claimed to have found one "Limb"
  • Family Guy: Chris Griffin, to the chagrin of his father.
  • Ned Flanders is apparently very well-endowed.
  • A running gag in Archer is that Cyril's is bigger than the titular super-spy's and leads to his "sex addiction." At one point, Cheryl and Pam hack into ISIS's health care records and find that Cyril was covered for a penis "ensmallment." After that, Pam hints there are 'a whole twelve reasons' why Lana is dating Cyril. 

Lana: Not to mention your... other... qualities...
Archer: Oh, so he just gets a pass? Like Milton Berle?
Lana: Yuuuuuup!

  • See "Xandir's Gay Bash" on 'Drawn Together for an abundance of this.
  • In one episode of Sealab 2021, Quinn goes into a coma that causes a priapism. Debbie immediately sets out to marry the comatose body.
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