Better Than It Sounds/Film T

• Taken: 93 minutes of Liam Neeson beating the shit out of minorities in Paris.
• The Tale of Despereaux: A tiny mouse and a rat save a town in which soup is so Godly important that they have a national holiday every year celebrating its greatness.
• Tangled: A naive blonde who lives in the middle of nowhere ignores the wishes of her overprotective mother and leaves home, blackmailing a burglar into acting as her chaperon.
  • Or: A wanted fugitive frees a mutant who has been isolated from the general public.
• Taxi Driver: An insomniac gets a firearms obsession and meets Jodie Foster.
• Team America: World Police: US special forces being dicks.
  • Or: America's top special forces learn that "dicks" fuck "assholes" and "pussies".
  • Or: America's elite special forces piss off the entire world by saving the motherfuckin' day, yeah.
• Teen Witch: Self-centered teenage girl develops god-like powers, which she proceeds to abuse for her own personal gain. No, not her.
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Four deformed teenagers deal with the consequences of industrial pollution and urban violence.
• The Terminator: Robot with peculiar accent attempts to kill a waitress.
  • Terminator 2: Judgment Day: In the future, your computer hates you. The only person who can save you is a pre-teen Jerkass. Your computer REALLY hates him.
  • Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines: Lax security and overly strict deadline result in mishap when installing a new network.
  • Terminator Salvation: Guy from the military goes rescuing his father, who is somehow younger than himself.
• Tetsuo: The Iron Man: Man turns into scrap metal.
• The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: A mentally handicapped man with a penchant for making his own masks and his family have a girl over for dinner.
  • The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2: A radio show host and a cowboy fight a retarded man, a hippie war veteran, a cantankerous chef and a withered old man in an amusement park.
  • Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III: A young couple deliver a car and fight rednecks with help from a black guy.
• That Darn Cat: It's up to a feline and an FBI Agent with cat allergies to save a bank teller.
• Thelma and Louise: Women try escaping their boring lives - and later the law - even when the only way out is a cliff.
• Theatre of Blood: Actor gets really fed up with his critics.
• The Thing: Large men and their dogs turn into aliens.
  • Alternatively, An immigrant just wants to fit in but, gets burned by anyone he tries to get close with
• There Will Be Blood: Oil baron goes crazy, discusses dessert beverages.
• They Live!!: Homeless man wearing Cool Shades fights alien economists, who, presumably, are responsible for world bubblegum shortage.
• The Thin Man: Wealthy alcoholic couple are dragged into solving a series of murders while on vacation in New York. Husband occasionally abuses wife.
• The Third Man: A guy tries to find his old friend in Vienna. Only succeeds after he stops looking.
• 13 Assassins: Twelve samurai and a hobo buy a village, and two hundred other samurai and biggest asshole in Japan pay a visit. Everyone dies.
  • Alternatively, 300 if Leonidas was Japanese, even more understaffed, and had a slightly more reasonable target.
• This Is Spinal Tap: Washed-up old rock stars try and pretend they're still big.
  • Alternate: Some clowns with wigs and fake British accents write songs and play music better than at least half of all so-called serious musicians.
• Thor: A guy goes to New Mexico after his dad throws him out. This dad then falls asleep, after telling his other son that he was adopted.
• Three Amigos!: Washed-up actors discover that people they never expected to meet love their work a bit too much.
  • Galaxy Quest: Washed-up actors discover that people they never expected to meet love their work a bit too much IN SPACE!
• Time Bandits: A young history buff is tired of being ignored by his shallow, consumerist parents, so he decides to follow a band of criminal midgets through a hole in time and space.
  • Alternatively - Some guys steal a map but really don't.
• Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy: a bunch of middle-aged white guys underact for two hours while dealing with a crisis in their workplace.
• Titanic: A period romance with a Downer Ending... from the guy who gave us the Terminator series. The film's male lead was earlier nominated for an Academy Award for playing a retarded teenager, and has gone on to call it the worst movie ever made.
• To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar: Three men in unusual clothing go on a road trip, experience car trouble and stay in a small town while waiting for spare parts.
• Tom Yum Goong/The Protector: Someone steals a village's elephants. One villager sets out to get them back.
• Toy Story: A cowboy and a delusional astronaut vie for the affections of the young boy who owns them both.
  • Toy Story 2: The cowboy is kidnapped by a man in a chicken suit and debates whether not to travel to Tokyo and seal himself in a glass box for all eternity. While searching for him, the astronaut tries to steal a belt from a younger version of himself. We learn that the astronaut's back-story is basically a spoof of Star Wars. Also, Frasier in a cardboard box.
  • Toy Story 3: Evil totalitarian commune brainwashes the astronaut, so the cowboy races to the rescue. The villain is a teddy bear.
    • Or: The owner of the cowboy and the astronaut appears to have forgotten about them, so they are sent to a place ruled by an evil teddy bear. They try to escape, fighting - among others - a creepy monkey.
• Total Recall: Man with peculiar accent helps people breathe easier.
• Trainspotting: A man is subjected to hallucinations (he swims in a toilet, a baby's head turns all the way around). One of his friends is killed by cat shit, another is obsessed with Sean Connery. Later the man steals a few thousand dollars from his friends and leaves town.
• Transformers: The Movie: Transforming Mecha rip off Marvel Comics, kills off half its cast to hair metal music.
  • In the words of one of the stars of said movie: "You know what I did this morning? I played the voice of a toy. Some terrible robot toys from Japan that changed from one thing to another. The Japanese have funded a full-length animated cartoon about the doings of these toys, which is all bad outer-space stuff. I play a planet. I menace somebody called Something-or-other. Then I'm destroyed."
  • Transformers (2007, live-action): A boy's car and its friends protect him from alien invaders who have arrived in search of eye-wear. Meanwhile, a part-time model declines to eat donuts.
  • Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen: Aliens search for the boy after he's possessed by a piece of metal. For many, about as bad as it sounds, and a good deal more racist.
  • Transformers: Dark of the Moon: The boy tries helping guy who wants to stop his mentor's plan to save their homeland.
• Transylvania: Woman goes to Romania with two friends to look for her lost lover. Later she gets dumped, ditches her friends and goes travelling about with some random orphan and a hobo with a car.
• Treasure Planet: Troubled young man goes on a space-sailing treasure hunt, and ends up causing the villain to abandon their lifelong dream.
• The Treasure of the Sierra Madre: Greed leads to discussions about badges.
• Tremors: Kevin Bacon, Fred Ward, and Reba McEntire team up to stop a worm infestation.
  • Tremors 2: Aftershocks: A handyman and his adoring fan get so angry with worms that they blow up an oil refinery.
    • Tremors 3: Back to Perfection: Now the worms can fly.
• Trick 'r Treat: A little boy shows town the true meaning of its favorite holiday.
• Troll 2: A young boy invokes the Power of Goodness in the form of pissing on a table and eating a double-decker bologna sandwich.
• Tron: A guy goes through way too much effort to gather enough evidence to support a copyright dispute. Otherwise, a movie about a BASIC programming command.
  • Tron: Legacy: The guy's son has more copyright troubles, so he goes to visit his father and they battle with a Neo-Nazi.
• Tropic Thunder: Closeted rapper, Iron Man doing a Samuel L. Jackson impersonation, drug addict and nerd (who is the only reliable man in the group) try rescuing actor from his fans.
• Troy: Beautiful woman runs off with horny prince. Her husband and brother-in-law don't take it well.
• True Lies: Dissatisfied wife considers cheating on her peculiar-accented husband until she learns that he lied about his real occupation.
• The Truman Show: Insurance salesman lives humdrum life unaware that he's the most famous person on the planet.
  • A comedian best known for his wild expressions decides to do an artistic movie. The movie and trailers spoil the plot in the first thirty seconds; expect the fourth wall to be broken repeatedly.
• 12 Monkeys: Guy travels back in time. This influences nutty to create a group, that ends up liberating a bunch of zoo animals, an action which has nothing to do with Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies.
• Twice Upon A Time: A shape-shifter, a mime, a wannabe actress, and a wannabe superhero are the only ones who can stop an eccentric factory owner from giving everyone a serious case of chronic nightmares.
• Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me: In a small Washington town, a troubled teenage girl realizes that an ancient supernatural being is sexually interested in her, and sneaks into her bedroom window in order to explore this.
• Twin Town: Jobless siblings fueled by grief, glue and non-authentic hot-dogs test drive a series of cars in various locations around Swansea.
• Twister: Two divorced scientists try to study bad weather, then fall in love again. Reuse of aluminum cans leads to salvation.
• Two Lane Blacktop: A couple mumbly and inarticulate longhairs and their noncommittal female hitchhiker companion challenge a habitual liar to a cross-country drag race. Then they sort of forget to finish it.