Super Hornio Brothers

Super Hornio Brothers and Super Hornio Brothers II are two 1993 pornographic parodies of the Super Mario video game series released at the same time as the series' official film, Super Mario Bros. Both films star director Buck Adams, along with T. T. Boy, Ron Jeremy and Chelsea Lynx together as the main characters. The films gained new interest after a write-up by a Something Awful reviewer. Nintendo bought the rights to the films to halt their distribution.[1][2]

Super Hornio Brothers
Super Hornio Brothers II
VHS covers to both films
Directed byBuck Adams
Written byCash Markman
(Marc Cushman)
StarringBuck Adams
T. T. Boy
Don Fernando
Ron Jeremy
Krysti Lynn
Chelsea Lynx
Kitty Yung
Production
company
Midnight Video
Release date
  • 1993 (1993)
Running time
78 minutes (Super Hornio Brothers)
73 minutes (Super Hornio Brothers II)
CountryUnited States
LanguageEnglish

Plot

Super Hornio Brothers

Programmer Squeegie Hornio (Ron Jeremy), based on Mario, and his brother Ornio Hornio (T.T. Boy), based on Luigi, are teleported into Squeegie's in-development PC game after a freak power overload. After regaining their bearings, Squeegie figures out and explains to Ornio that they are stuck in the black void of a computer monitor when it's turned off. A computer virus informs the brothers that King Pooper (Buck Adams), based on Bowser (also known as King Koopa), has kidnapped Princess Perlina (Chelsea Lynx), based on Princess Peach. King Pooper intends on forcefully having Perlina help him travel to Earth with a tub full of semen energized by a special generator.

Squeegie and Ornio travel through the computer world, encountering other villains who attempt to delay them and hamper their efforts. Squeegie is temporarily separated from his brother in the process. Finding King Pooper's lair first, Squeegie attempts to free Princess Perlina, only to be found by King Pooper. Attempting to fight King Pooper alone, Squeegie is about to lose when Ornio reappears and shoves King Pooper into the tub, where he melts and dies. The brothers ask Princess Perlina to teleport them back to Earth, but Perlina only transports herself and Ornio back, leaving Squeegie behind in the cyberworld. Attempting to manipulate the generator to get back to the real world, Squeegie is confronted and appears to be captured by a revived King Pooper.

Super Hornio Brothers II

After a lengthy recap of the first installment, Princess Perlina and Ornio teleport back to Squeegie's office. Wondering where Squeegie is, Ornio is distracted by Princess Perlina offering sex as a reward for saving her from King Pooper. After sexual intercourse, Ornio asks Perlina to bring Squeegie back to the real world. The teleportation goes horribly wrong; Perlina teleports both Squeegie and King Pooper just as King Pooper confronts Squeegie at the generator seen at the end of Super Hornio Brothers. King Pooper escapes, and he begins to enact his ultimate goal, bluntly explained by Perlina to the Hornio Brothers as to "procreate and create more King Pooper offspring." While King Pooper hires a prostitute to start his plan, Squeegie theorizes that the generator is the key to King Pooper's scheme and draws up plans to destroy it.

Mimicking what they did the first time around, Squeegie and Ornio teleport back into the computer. Guided by the computer virus, Ornio distracts a hooker, which allows Squeegie and the computer virus to go back to King Pooper's lair. Squeegie comes up with a plan to thwart King Pooper by having the computer virus "overload" the generator and knock it out. The computer virus rubs his body against the machine, causing it to overload. Squeegie explains to Ornio and Princess Perlina back in the real world that by overloading the generator, King Pooper is now in "a state of limbo" and won't cause any more trouble. Ecstatic, Princess Perlina embraces and hugs Ornio while ignoring Squeegie. A spurned Squeegie turns to the camera and says that he expected the film to end this way.

Cast

Super Hornio Brothers
  • Buck Adams as King Pooper
  • T. T. Boy as Ornio Hornio
  • Courtney as Bon Dori, Queen of Bondage
  • Don Fernando as Bob
  • Ron Jeremy as Squeegie Hornio
  • Krysti Lynn as Spider Woman
  • Chelsea Lynx as Princess Perlina
  • Kitty Yung as Ileeza, Mistress of Evil

Super Hornio Brothers II
  • Buck Adams as King Pooper
  • T.T. Boy as Ornio Hornio
  • Don Fernando as Bob
  • Ron Jeremy as Squeegie Hornio
  • Krysti Lynn as Spider Woman
  • Chelsea Lynx as Princess Perlina

Production

Initially, porn studio Sin City Entertainment funded the project, but they dropped out, leaving Buck Adams to seek the help of Midnight Video to finish the film. In return for funding, Adams was asked by Midnight Video to trim the 37-page script, split the film into two and cut the filming schedule from three days to two.[3][4] Jeremy notes that the total production cost reportedly around $20,000, and that Buck Adams "....tried very hard to simulate the basic show. Buck knew Mario Brothers inside and out."[2]

Initially thought of as a rumor,[5][6] Ron Jeremy's official site notes that while they would love to make both films available alongside the massive library they have, Nintendo bought up the rights to both films to halt distribution indefinitely.[1][2] Jeremy notes in an interview that such buying of porn parodies to halt distribution are "unheard of" in the porn industry and that he only found out about it when a company called Hot Movies tried to buy his back catalog for distribution and found out about the purchase.[2]

Something Awful

In July, 2008, Zack Parsons of Something Awful was tipped off by a forum post claiming that there was a pornographic parody of Super Mario Bros. Initially dismissed as fake, upon being confirmed as real, the site attempted to buy the film through retailers with no luck. The next month, Parsons issued a challenge for the site's "Horrors of Pornography" section to obtain a copy.[5] After numerous false leads, ranging from SA users giving a sex only CD-ROM with none of the dialogue scenes to people remembering they once had it but ultimately having another porno they mistook, an anonymous benefactor gave Awful a DVD-rip of II in June, 2009. The sequel contained a recap of I, which was sufficient enough for the site's reviewer of it to play catch-up.[4]

The Something Awful article is often the basis of other sites "finding out" about and making articles about the porn parody.[6][7][8][9] In addition, the films are claimed to have both existed and not existed by many people.[3][4][5]

In 2014, a Something Awful forum user claimed to have purchased a copy of Super Hornio Brothers. However, this was Super Hornio Brothers II.[10]

Reception

In the "Horrors of Pornography" column, Something Awful's Zack Parsons, reviewing Super Hornio Brothers II, gave it a −33 rating, and he noted that Buck Adams did a much better adaptation of the Super Mario franchise than the Super Mario Bros. live-action film.[4] Initially, Parsons wondered how such a film escaped the attention of the Internet for so long.[5] The Cinema Snob reviewed both Super Hornio Brothers and Super Hornio Brothers II. While noting that the films are considered to be the "holy grail" of pornographic parodies, he ripped into both of them, noting the inconsistencies of the pornographic parodies, ranging from how characters were named and cast, the general lack of references to the original video games, and the unnecessary references to contemporary phenomena such as the 1992 Los Angeles riots.[3][11]

gollark: Yes. Obviously I would give myself useful information from the future and maybe confuse them in more subtle ways.
gollark: This is perhaps among the most uninteresting possible uses for time travel.
gollark: Or voltage as Watt-seconds per Roentgen-kg.
gollark: So dimensionally speaking I could express current as Roentgen-kg per second?
gollark: It might be fun to autogenerate this kind of content.

References
  1. "Kotaku reports on Super Hornio Brothers". Ron Jeremy's official website. December 29, 2011. Retrieved February 23, 2012.
  2. "Ron Jeremy Says Video Games Are Rotting Kids' Brains". VICE News. Sep 18, 2015. Retrieved May 15, 2017.
  3. "Super Hornio Brothers". The Cinema Snob. August 5, 2010. Retrieved February 17, 2012.
  4. "The Super Hornio Brothers Saga". Something Awful. June 25, 2009. Retrieved February 17, 2012.
  5. "A Horrors of Porn Call to Action". Something Awful. August 7, 2008. Retrieved February 17, 2012.
  6. "The Long, Hard Search for the Infamous Mario Porno". Kotaku. December 26, 2011. Retrieved February 23, 2012.
  7. "The 'Super Hornio Brothers' Mystery Gets a Christmas Revival". AVN. December 27, 2011. Retrieved February 17, 2012.
  8. "Vintage Porn Parodies: "Super Hornio Brothers"". Fleshbot. June 25, 2009. Retrieved February 17, 2012.
  9. "A Tale Of Miracles: The Internet's Search For A Mario Porno". Gameranx. December 26, 2011. Retrieved February 17, 2012.
  10. "(NSFW) Super Hornio Bros VHS still-in-box!". October 29, 2014.
  11. "Super Hornio Brothers II". The Cinema Snob. October 10, 2010. Archived from the original on June 16, 2013. Retrieved February 17, 2012.
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