John Swartzwelder

John Joseph Swartzwelder Jr. (born February 8, 1949)[1] is an American comedy writer and novelist, best known for his work on the animated television series The Simpsons. Born in Seattle, Washington, Swartzwelder began his career working in advertising. He was later hired to work on comedy series Saturday Night Live in the mid-1980s as a writer. He later contributed to fellow writer George Meyer's short-lived Army Man magazine, which led him to join the original writing team of The Simpsons, beginning in 1989.

John Swartzwelder
Swartzwelder in a 1992 staff photo for The Simpsons
BornJohn Joseph Swartzwelder Jr.
(1949-02-08) February 8, 1949
Seattle, Washington, U.S.
OccupationTelevision writer, novelist
PeriodThe Simpsons: 1990–2003, 2007
Novels: 2004–present
GenreObservational humor, surreal humor, black comedy, detective fiction, absurdism
SubjectThe Simpsons, Frank Burly

He worked on The Simpsons as a writer and producer until 2003, and later contributed to The Simpsons Movie. He wrote the largest number of Simpsons episodes (59 full episodes, with contributions to several others) by a large margin.[2] After his retirement from the show, he began a career as a writer of self-published absurdist novels. He has written more than eleven novels, the most recent of which, The Squirrel Who Saved Practically Everybody, was published in 2019.

Swartzwelder is revered among comedy fans; his colleagues have called him among the best comedy writers. He is famously averse to press.

Career

Swartzwelder was born in Seattle, Washington, the son of Gloria Mae (Matthews) and John Joseph Swartzwelder, Sr.[1][3] He attended high school in Renton, Washington.[4] Swartzwelder started out with a career in advertising.[5] He sent a joke submission to the writers of Late Night with David Letterman in 1983, which he signed but left no address. Writer Jim Downey traced Swartzwelder based on the Chicago postmark on the card via phone books at the New York Public Library.[6] After he contacted Swartzwelder's mother in Seattle, she redirected him to her son, who was then working at an advertising agency in Chicago. Downey described Swartzwelder's interview as "one of the most spectacularly awful in history," as it consisted of him entering David Letterman's office without permission, and discussing the state of television (that it was "all shit") while smoking and drinking. He was not hired for Letterman, but Downey hired him for Saturday Night Live (SNL), beginning in 1985.[6]

At SNL, Swartzwelder shared an office with Robert Smigel, and met George Meyer, who later proved instrumental in hiring him for The Simpsons.[7][8] During his time at the program, he became known for writing odder material.[9] He was fired in mid-1986, which Smigel attributed to the network's pressure on show creator Lorne Michaels to make personnel changes.[7] Meyer subsequently quit SNL and created the magazine Army Man, recruiting Swartzwelder to help write it.[10] Meyer said of Army Man:

The only rule was that the stuff had to be funny and pretty short. To me, the quintessential Army Man joke was one of John Swartzwelder's: "They can kill the Kennedys. Why can't they make a cup of coffee that tastes good?" It's a horrifying idea juxtaposed with something really banal — and yet there's a kind of logic to it. It's illuminating because it's kind of how Americans see things: life's a big jumble, but somehow it leads to something I can consume. I love that.[11]

In 1988, Sam Simon, a reader of Army Man, recruited Swartzwelder and Meyer to write for a new Fox animated sitcom he was producing: The Simpsons.[11] By 1994, with the show's sixth season, Swartzwelder was granted a special dispensation and allowed not to attend rewrite sessions with the rest of the staff, instead being allowed to send drafts of his scripts in from home so other writers could revise them as they saw fit. This was a direct result of Swartzwelder's avid smoking coming into conflict with a newly implemented policy banning smoking in the writers' room.[12] Swartzwelder's scripts typically needed minimal rewriting compared to those of other writers, with about 50% being used.[5]

In 1996, Swartzwelder created and produced his own pilot presentation for Fox, Pistol Pete, a spoof of western films.[13] Starring Stephen Kearney, Mark Derwin, Lisa Robin Kelly, and Brian Doyle Murray, the pilot was shot using crew from the television series Gunsmoke at Swartzwelder's insistence. John Rich, veteran television director known for The Dick Van Dyke Show, All in the Family, and Gunsmoke, directed the pilot, which was shot at Veluzat Motion Picture Ranch. Fox passed on the pilot.[13] It eventually surfaced online in 2014.[14]

According to Simpsons creator Matt Groening, Swartzwelder wrote Simpsons episodes sitting in a booth at a coffee shop "drinking copious amounts of coffee and smoking endless cigarettes". When California passed an anti-smoking law, Swartzwelder bought the booth and installed it in his house, allowing him to continue his process in peace.[12] With the exception of his contributions to The Simpsons Movie,[15] released in 2007, Swartzwelder has been absent from The Simpsons writing staff since the fifteenth season (2003–04), with his last airing episode ("The Regina Monologues") actually being a "holdover" written for the fourteenth (2002–03) season. At 59 episodes, Swartzwelder has written more episodes than anybody else.[5]

Since leaving The Simpsons, Swartzwelder has taken up writing absurdist novels, beginning with the 2004 publication of science-fiction detective story The Time Machine Did It starring private investigator Frank Burly. The next year he published Double Wonderful, a Western, before returning to the Burly character for How I Conquered Your Planet in 2006, The Exploding Detective in 2007, Dead Men Scare Me Stupid in 2008, Earth vs. Everybody in 2009, The Last Detective Alive in 2010, The Fifty Foot Detective in 2011, and The Million Dollar Policeman in 2012. In 2014, a children's book written in the late 1970s by Swartzwelder and illustrated by David Schutten was published by Green House Books.[16] Swartzwelder self-publishes his books.[17]

Political views

Swartzwelder has been referred to as a libertarian, as well as a "hard-core conservative."[9] He is a gun rights advocate, and despite having written many of the environmentally driven episodes, he has been described as an "anti-environmentalist".[18] David Cohen once related a story of Swartzwelder going on an extended diatribe about how there is more rainforest on Earth now than there was a hundred years ago.[18]

Reclusiveness

Swartzwelder is notoriously reclusive, and rarely, if ever, makes media appearances.[5] At one point, fans of The Simpsons on the Internet even debated his existence: when considering his reclusiveness and the number of episodes credited to him, some theorized that "John Swartzwelder" was actually a pseudonym for when writers did not want to take credit for an episode, or for episodes that were penned by several writers in concert.[19] Comedy writer Mike Sacks described Swartzwelder as the "Thomas Pynchon of the comedy world."[6]

He has not participated in any of the audio commentaries on The Simpsons DVD sets to date, despite being asked multiple times. Executive producer David Mirkin once invited Swartzwelder to make a brief appearance in a prerecorded bit in which he would be asked if he wanted to take part, to which he would respond with "No" as an ironic punchline, but he refused. During the recording of the 2006 commentary for the ninth season episode, "The Cartridge Family," show runner Mike Scully called Swartzwelder's home on the phone. After presumably speaking with him for a minute, the man on the other end of the phone says, "It's too bad this really isn't John Swartzwelder." Scully and the others laugh, reply "Bye, John," and then after he has hung up, Scully comments "I know he's gonna sue us."[20]

In 2016, a Twitter account for Swartzwelder appeared, and was subsequently confirmed to be an official account by several of his former Simpsons colleagues, including showrunner Al Jean, writer Carolyn Omine and music editor Chris Ledesma.[21][22] The account only tweets excerpts from Swartzwelder's books.[22]

Legacy

Swartzwelder is revered among comedy fans.[6] Fellow Simpsons writers have been effusive about his writing and impact on the show. Matt Selman wrote an article for Time about Swartzwelder, extolling him as "one of the greatest comedy minds of all time. He is the comedy writer whose words makes [sic] the best comedy writers in the world laugh out loud."[17] George Meyer said that, "Even among comedy weirdos, he stands out. He's irreplaceable."[9] Fellow writer Dan Greaney has described Swartzwelder as "the best writer in the world today in any medium."[5]

References on The Simpsons

Swartzwelder has been animated in the background of several episodes of The Simpsons. His animated likeness closely resembles musician David Crosby, which prompted Matt Groening to state that anytime that David Crosby appears in a scene for no apparent reason, it is really John Swartzwelder.[23] Additionally, Matt Groening has stated that the recurring character Herman was originally physically based on Swartzwelder, with the exception of his one arm.[24]

Filmography

Television
Year Film Role Notes
1985–86 Saturday Night Live Writer, 18 episodes Appears as himself in episode hosted by John Lithgow
1989–2003 The Simpsons Writer, 59 episodes, story editor, consultant, producer
1996 Pistol Pete Creator, executive producer, writer Unsold pilot for Fox Broadcasting Company

Film
Year Film Role Notes
2007 The Simpsons Movie Writer Additional credit for lyrics on "Spider Pig" and "Springfield Anthem"

Simpsons episodes
The Simpsons episodes written by Swartzwelder

Bibliography
  • The Time Machine Did It (2004): ISBN 0-9755799-0-8
  • Double Wonderful (2005): ISBN 0-9755799-2-4
  • How I Conquered Your Planet (2006): ISBN 0-9755799-4-0
  • The Exploding Detective (2007): ISBN 0-9755799-6-7
  • Dead Men Scare Me Stupid (2008): ISBN 0-9755799-8-3
  • Earth vs. Everybody (2009): ISBN 0-9822736-0-6
  • The Last Detective Alive (2010): ISBN 0-9822736-2-2
  • The Fifty Foot Detective (2011): ISBN 0-9822736-4-9
  • The Million Dollar Policeman (2012): ISBN 0-9822736-6-5
  • Detective Made Easy (2013): ISBN 0-9822736-8-1
  • The Animal Report (2014): ISBN 978-1500873905
  • The Monster That Wouldn't Sink: (A Frank Burly Short Story) (2015)
  • Earth's Biggest Fan: (A Frank Burly Short Story) (2015)
  • Burly Go Home (2017): ISBN 978-0989988506
  • The Squirrel Who Saved Practically Everybody (2019): ISBN 978-0989988520

Notes
  1. With George Meyer, Sam Simon and Jon Vitti
  2. "Bad Dream House" segment
  3. With Sam Simon
  4. Contributor
  5. "Attack of the 50-Foot Eyesores" segment
  6. Teleplay, story by Bob Kushell

References
  1. "John Swartzwelder Biography". Film Reference. Retrieved October 12, 2016.
  2. "Episodes by writer". The Simpsons Archive. Retrieved July 1, 2007.
  3. "John Swartzwelder Obituary". The Seattle Times. April 4, 2012.
  4. "Renton High School - Illahee Yearbook (Renton, WA), Class of 1966, Page 137 of 232". E-Yearbook. Renton, Washington. Retrieved October 12, 2016.
  5. A. O. Scott (November 4, 2001). "How 'The Simpsons' Survives". New York Times. Retrieved July 27, 2010.
  6. Sacks, Mike. Poking a Dead Frog: Conversations with Today’s Top Comedy Writers. City of Westminster, London: Penguin Books. pp. 16–18. ISBN 978-0143123781.
  7. Sacks 2014, p. 259.
  8. Rabin, Nathan (August 4, 2004). "Robert Smigel | The A.V. Club". The A.V. Club. Archived from the original on May 5, 2006. Retrieved October 12, 2016. I actually shared a room with this guy John Swartzwelder, a legendary Simpsons writer.
  9. Sacks 2014, p. 373.
  10. Finley, Adam (March 3, 2006). "In the Limelight: John Swartzwelder". tvsquad. Archived from the original on December 1, 2006. Retrieved October 12, 2016.
  11. Owen, David (March 13, 2000). "Taking Humour Seriously". The New Yorker.
  12. Groening, Matt (2006). The Simpsons The Complete Eighth Season DVD commentary for the episode "Grade School Confidential" (DVD). 20th Century Fox.
  13. Will Harris (June 27, 2013). "Pilot Error: The Legend of John Swartzwelder's 'Pistol Pete'". Antenna Free TV. Archived from the original on October 5, 2014. Retrieved June 29, 2015.
  14. Adams, Erik. "Watch Pistol Pete, a failed pilot from Simpsons legend John Swartzwelder · Great Job, Internet! · The A.V. Club". The A.V Club. Archived from the original on September 19, 2014. Retrieved October 12, 2016.
  15. Scott, A. O. "John Swartzwelder". New York Times. Retrieved May 3, 2007.
  16. "Humor Novels By John Swartzwelder". Kenny Dale Books. Retrieved May 3, 2007.
  17. Matt Selman (April 12, 2008). "Swartzwelder the Great". Time. Retrieved June 29, 2015.
  18. Cohen, David X. (2006). The Simpsons The Complete Eighth Season DVD commentary for the episode "The Old Man and the Lisa" (DVD). 20th Century Fox.
  19. Groening, Matt; Jean, Al; Reiss, Mike; Lapidus, Adam; Moore, Rich (2004). The Simpsons The Complete Fourth Season DVD commentary for the episode "The Front" (DVD). 20th Century Fox.
  20. Scully, Mike; Swartzwelder, John (2006). The Simpsons The Complete Ninth Season DVD commentary for the episode "The Cartridge Family" (DVD). 20th Century Fox.
  21. Ledesma, Chris (July 31, 2016). "#TheSimpsons fans rejoice! John Swartzwelder is officially on Twitter @JJSwartzwelderpic.twitter.com/jBCYhPC73s". @mxedtr on Twitter. Retrieved January 14, 2018.
  22. Barsanti, Sam. "Legendary Simpsons writer John Swartzwelder is using Twitter in the best/worst way". News. Retrieved January 14, 2018.
  23. Groening, Matt (2005). The Simpsons The Complete Seventh Season DVD commentary for the episode "Bart the Fink" (DVD). 20th Century Fox.
  24. Groening, Matt (2001). The Simpsons The Complete First Season DVD commentary for the episode "Bart the General" (DVD). 20th Century Fox.

Sources
  • Sacks, Mike (2014). And Here's the Kicker: Conversations with 21 Top Humor Writers. New York: Writers House. ISBN 978-1630640118.
gollark: I'll just wait a day or so and hope people offer...
gollark: How come people want paper eggs and not paper hatchlings?
gollark: Hmm. Adult pyrovars are very uncute.
gollark: Still no otters on my trades... alas, nobody wants paper hatchlings or something.
gollark: Basically, scrape TP page, try and pull out egg codes... Possible, though.
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