John Hagee

John "Poor Man's Falwell" Charles Hagee (April 12, 1940–) is an ignoramus whackjob televangelist preacher, rewarded for his great service by the American public to a personal net worth of $5 million dollars.[2] Hagee is the founder and senior pastor of Cornerstone Church in San Antonio, Texas, which is a megachurch claiming more than 20,000 active members[3].

Hagee giving us a taste of what God will do to those who subscribe to the homosexual agenda.
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“”Do you know the difference between a woman with PMS and a snarling Doberman pinscher? The answer is lipstick. Do you know the difference between a terrorist and a woman with PMS? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
—John Hagee[1]

Hagee is the President and CEO of John Hagee Ministries, which telecasts his national radio and television ministry carried in the United States on ten television networks, including 62 high-power stations aired to more than 150 million households and - via other nonsensical faith channels - various nations throughout the world. Hagee has been criticized and incurred controversy for his support for Israel (mainly the reasons he gives for said support), for his comments based on religious beliefs regarding Islam and Catholicism, and for his quest against homosexuality.[4]

Spreadin' the good word
“”All hurricanes are acts of God because God controls the heavens. I believe that New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to God and they were recipients of the judgment of God for that.
—John Hagee[5]

Hagee is a global televangelist. He largely preaches on political subjects and is extremely Conservative, although he endorsed a moderate, former Republican Presidential candidate John McCain. Hagee suffers from obvious cognitive dissonance issues since he believes that liberals and ultraconservative islamists are sides of the same coin since they both hate America and Christianity.[6] He is notorious for a "fire and brimstone" style of preaching and intolerance toward homosexuality. He believes in government-enforced morality, almost to the extent of theocracy. Predictably, he's not real fond of rock and roll or Harry Potter books, either.[7] He runs John Hagee Ministries which sends Hagee Hate to many countries around the world. His son Matthew, the sixth generation of the family to be involved in evangelism, assists him, and does much of the televangelism.

Hagee believes that Hurricane Katrina was God's punishment for American toleration of homosexuality. (Although the French Quarter, possibly the gayest part of New Orleans suffered little, proving, if anything, God's countenance for all his gay and other perverted children.)[8]

Hagee teaches the Prosperity Gospel and some impoverished supporters claim they have been pushed deeper into poverty through tithing.[9][10]

Hagee's message to atheists who would rather not hear Merry Christmas, "Planes are leavin' every hour on the hour. Git on wun!"[11]

Anti-semitic zionism and general crankery
“”God says in Jeremiah 16 — "Behold I will bring them the Jewish people again unto their land that I gave unto their fathers" — that would be Abraham, Isaac and Jacob - "Behold I will send for many fishers and after will I send for many hunters. And they the hunters shall hunt them" — that will be the Jews — "from every mountain and from every hill and from out of the holes of the rocks." If that doesn't describe what Hitler did in the Holocaust — you can't see that. So think about this — I will send fishers and I will send hunters. A fisher is someone who entices you with a bait. How many of you know who Theodore Herzl was? How many of you don't have a clue who he was? Woo, sweet God! Theodore Herzl is the father of Zionism. He was a Jew that at the turn of the 19th century said, "this land is our land, God wants us to live there". So he went to the Jews of Europe and said, "I want you to come and join me in the land of Israel". So few went, Herzl went into depression. Those who came founded Israel; those who did not went through the hell of the Holocaust. Then God sent a hunter. A hunter is someone who comes with a gun and he forces you. Hitler was a hunter. And the Bible says — Jeremiah righty? — "they shall hunt them from every mountain and from every hill and out of the holes of the rocks", meaning: there's no place to hide. And that will be offensive to some people. Well, dear heart, be offended: I didn't write it. Jeremiah wrote it. It was the truth and it is the truth. How did it happen? Because God allowed it to happen. Why did it happen? Because God said, "my top priority for the Jewish people is to get them to come back to the land of Israel". Today Israel is back in the land and they are at Ezekiel 37 and 8. They are physically alive but they're not spiritually alive. Now how is God going to cause the Jewish people to come spiritually alive and say, "the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, He is God"?
—John Hagee[12]

Hagee is the founder and National Chairman of the Christian-Zionist organization Christians United for IsraelFile:Wikipedia's W.svg, incorporated on February 7, 2006.[13] Hagee also claims that a "half-breed Jew" named Hitler was sent by God to help bring about the establishment of the state of Israel through persecution of the Jews, and therefore the Holocaust was really God's will.[14] He called for a pre-emptive military strike on Iraq by the US and Israel. Hagee is on record as calling the Catholic Church "the great whore".

Despite being a close ally of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu via his organization Christians United For Israel, Hagee subscribes to the anti-Semitic International Jewish conspiracy. In 2003, he "claimed European Rothschild bankers, along with David Rockefeller, controlled the U.S. economy through the Federal Reserve—which according to Hagee was bankrupting average Americans by devaluing the dollar." He further stated that the financiers were in cahoots with a satanic Illuminati plot.[14]

End times
“”The most important thing to the Christian community is not the environment but evangelism.
—John Hagee[15]

Hagee claims that God is planning to whack roughly 100 million 'mericans in the End Times because of abortion and because Noah's Ark did too exist;[16] on a similarly tolerant note, Hagee stated that Sodom and Gomorrah was "God's pilot study for his response to the homosexual society."[17]

John Hagee has also gone on record as stating that Barack Obama will give the US a case of armageddon cooties if he gets re-elected, so your entertainment mileage viz-a-viz Hagee's proclamations may vary.[18] Hagee didn't change his mind after Obama's re-election; he just added a touch of 0N3 W0RLD GUMM1NT fear to the mix for good measure.[19] Hagee's prophetic track record approaches that of Hal Lindsey, author of the 1981 eschatological masterpiece The 1980s: Countdown to Armageddon.

Hagee now says four successive lunar eclipses signal God's plan to send something unspecified possibly the start of End times before October 2015, Hagee said. "I believe that the heavens are God's billboard, that He has been sending signals to planet Earth, and we just haven't been picking them up. God is literally screaming at the world, 'I'm coming soon.'" [20] The world awaits (whatever) that could be as spectacular as the 2012 apocalypse!

Coincidences
“”Immediately after the Tribulation of those days then the sun shall be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light.
—Matthew 24:29, suspiciously out of context[21]
“”The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the great and awesome day of YHWH
—[22]

As the first two eclipses went by without any indications from The Big Guy In The Sky that they were significant, more and more were shoehorned into Hagee's Theory. Past Tetrads, for example, happened at the same time some significant event occurred in Israel. On this Tetrad, not only do Passover start on the exact same date as as the first and third eclipse, and the tabernacle on the second and third, but in between both will be a total solar eclipse, seen in Jerusalem. (This is important to the theory, especially since the first three weren't seen in Israel.)[23]

The 2015 Tetrad has ended in September and John's predictions of doom have not come true yet again. It is nearly certain his followers don't take Matthew 7:15 as the word of God as the world waits with resignation baited breath for his next prediction to be made and fail miserably.

gollark: That requires configuration and stuff though.
gollark: Then you can't update it.
gollark: And if you have some privileged process or something which can write it you can often poke at holes in *that*.
gollark: You can also use `debug` in so many ways to get around it.
gollark: `getfenv` too.

References
  1. What Every Man Wants in a Woman: 10 Essentials for Growing Deeper in Love, Lake Mary, Fla.: Charisma House, 1 December 2004, ISBN 978-1591855576, OCLC 124084413
  2. How much is Pastor John Hagee Worth?
  3. http://www.jhm.org/Home/About/PastorJohnHagee
  4. Libby Quaid (AP), "McCain seeks distance from Pastor"
  5. "Pastor John Hagee on Christian Zionism", "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross (NPR), 18 September 2006, retrieved on 2011-08-06
  6. Hagee: Liberals and Islamists Hate America and Love Big Government, Right Wing Watch
  7. Kyle Mantyla (7/30/2013) "Hagee: Rock Music Is 'Satanic Cyanide' That Should Be Taken Outside And Burned". Right Wing Watch
  8. French Quarter § Effect of Hurricane KatrinaFile:Wikipedia's W.svg
  9. "John Hagee's Heresy"
  10. Job (September 8, 2007) "The Testimony Of A Woman Ripped Off By John Hagee’s Prosperity Doctrine!"
  11. Pastor John Hagee to atheists: Gladly accept my Christmas tidings or 'leave the country'
  12. late 2005 sermon at Cornerstone Church, quoted in Wilson, Bruce (15 May 2008), "Audio Recording of McCain's Political Endorser John Hagee Preaching Jews Are Cursed and Subhuman", Talk2Action, retrieved on 2011-08-06
  13. Pastor John Hagee spearheads Christians United for Israel
  14. 'Half-Breed Jew' Committed Holocaust, Claims Netanyahu Ally John Hagee
  15. "The Fish Gate" sermon (September 2, 2007)
  16. Hagee: God Preparing to Kill 100 Million Americans, Dispatches from the Culture Wars
  17. Hagee: Sodom and Gomorrah Was God's 'Pilot Study' for Dealing with 'the Homosexual Society', Right Wing Watch
  18. Hagee Joins the ‘End of America’ Brigade, Dispatches from the Culture Wars
  19. Hagee: 'God Will Hold America Responsible' for Re-Electing Obama, Right Wing Watch
  20. Pastor Hagee: 'Blood Moon' Eclipse On Tuesday Means End Of The World By 2015Does Tuesday's 'blood' eclipse signal the End Times?
  21. The tribulation is supposed to be 7 years. Is it suddenly 2 years now?
  22. 2:20
  23. http://earthsky.org/space/what-is-a-blood-moon-lunar-eclipses-2014-2015
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