Alex Chiu

Alex Chiu claims to be the world's greatest inventor in the history of mankind, a prophet of God, and a cat lover. The rest of the world sees him as so batshit insane that Alex Jones and David Icke nearly seem like sane and rational people in comparison. He got his first exposure to reality on Feb 9th, 1999, as the target of a mocking by The Daily Show.[1]

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He has been tight lipped about his background, of which he has only stated that his former job was a chef and that he has an AS from The City College of San Francisco.

During the early 2000s, he was also a minor meme in the world of "animutations" or experimental animated art done in Adobe Flash, most notably in Robinson Willburn's We Drink Ritalin.

Inventions

Chiu's most widely known claims as an inventor are his inventions of the Immortality Rings and Gorgeouspil. The Immortality Rings seem to be magnets that people wear as rings, and across the toes, that supposedly make people immortal because "cells heal crooked". He does state that it does not protect you from getting hit by a bus or getting cancer, but boasts a personal testimonial from Kevin Trudeau.[2] When asked if his family wears these items, he openly states his own friends[3] think he is completely insane. Gorgeouspil is a mystical edible substance he invented that in conjunction with the Immortality Rings is intended to make people beautiful and perfect (in his mind, into Alicia Silverstone). For some reason he seems to have refrained from using it on himself.

Lesser known items include the Super Chi Flush (that supposedly cures cancer and blindness), the ability to cast spells using a pencil/paper, and a machine that cures people from being handicapped.[4] All of these cannot be released in case they fall into the "wrong hands".

Future inventions

Chiu has plans of resurrecting people… which involve taking a dead body, a cloned body, and surrounding both with a shitload of magnets that somehow bring the person back to life. He doesn't seem put off even by his own admission that he has no idea how cloning even works.

Chiu also is planning a teleportation device since his comments on The Daily Show, which for the last 10 years has consisted of a drawing of 2 magnets.

Personal life

Chiu's personal life seems to be even more bizarre, if that is possible, than his inventions. He thinks Alicia Silverstone is his first love, and the pinnacle of human evolution in all things. Considering she won't return his calls, he has fallen in love with his second choice… his cat. He states in his bio, "If God wants me to choose between this guy (he has a picture of his cat) or a beautiful woman like Hilary Duff, I will dump the girl and be with my cat."[5] This has not stopped him from frequenting strip clubs, where falling in love with indifferent strippers that take his money seems to be a frequent topic of Chiu's rants. The supposed lack of strip clubs also factors into why he would prefer to be immortal rather than visit the afterlife, besides cemeteries being extremely gay.

He has claimed to be a multi-millionaire real estate investor during an interview, even though he looks like a disheveled homeless person squatting in an abandoned house.[6] Chiu also claims to have solved the world economic crisis using "debt cards", but the government won't pay royalties for his plan.[7]

He thinks communism (including Communist China) is the Antichrist.[8]

Also, he believes in everything the Torah says (while not being Jewish), and seems to think that everyone who doesn't believe in the Torah Prophecies will wear the Mark of the Beast the communists give everyone. The more one reads this ranting incoherent mess, the less sense Chiu makes.

Prophet

He has claimed God told him about a momentous war that would shake the world starting in 2004 involving the US and China. This war would progress to an invasion of the US mainland in 2005. He has refused to answer questions after the "prophecy" was shown to be an abject failure.

gollark: Why have you installed a fusion reactor THERE?
gollark: Install CTM to give the ring connected textures.
gollark: Just use AI and ALGORITHMS.
gollark: No breaks until you finish!
gollark: Now that's a good idea. I will make a cryotheum dimension too.

References
  1. Daily Show: Rocca – Everlasting Chiu Brendan Fraser 02/09/1999 The Daily Show.
  2. Chius Website – Testimonials & Eternal Life
  3. Quote "None of my neighbors believe in what I say. They refuse to wear the rings. They will never accept my invention until the day they die. That's what I call the real antichrists."
  4. YouTube Interview – Chiu Heals Handicaps
  5. Alex Chiu – Biography
  6. YouTube – Alex Chiu Interview
  7. YouTube – Stimulate the economy Alex Chiu's way
  8. Alex Chiu – Mark of the Beast
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