Wall Banger/Western Animation/SpongeBob SquarePants

Don't feel bad, Gary. We feel the same way.^[1]

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• The episode "Bucket Sweet Bucket". It starts getting problematic with a completely incoherent scene in which Patrick says he also came prepared, despite no one else mentioning they came prepared—apparently, the lead-in was cut in editing, but this scene was left in for the gag of Patrick wearing a watermelon for a hat... despite its not being funny without the lead-in. Then, despite Spongebob and Patrick willingly volunteering for the explicit purpose of painting the Chum Bucket because of Plankton's slightly misleading request, he has to further trick them into painting the entire Chum Bucket. You didn't see where they previously agreed to paint only part of it before the further trickery? That's because it wasn't in the episode, either. Then, apropos of nothing, rather than it just being a trick to get them to renovate the Chum Bucket to please his nagging (computer) wife, it's suddenly part of a previously unmentioned plot to steal the Krabby Patty Formula for no discernible reason except that the writer for the episode thought you couldn't have Plankton in an episode without his trying to do this.
• The episode "Plankton's Regular" turns the Throw the Dog a Bone for Plankton into a Yank the Dog's Chain at the last minute in a manner that's needlessly cruel even for Yank the Dog's Chain and that comes out of nowhere just to make Plankton miserable—because Status Quo Is God, and Plankton can never be happy or successful, not even to a small degree.
  • The bigger problem is that it fails to depict Plankton as 'evil' and simultaneously derails SpongeBob and Krabs into Designated Heroes. In this episode, Plankton is completely scrupulous, even issuing a truce in return for his one customer; yet SpongeBob and Krabs still take offense and go to great lengths to take it from him. Instead of just defending their business from unscrupulous tactics, they are bullying a small (mostly) harmless legitimate business. That said, it is never made clear whether they did it to spite Plankton or because they wanted an extra customer that badly—which would be perfectly in character. Previous episodes have shown SpongeBob pestering people to accept the divinity of Krabby Patties (watch 'Just One Bite') and Krabs committing ruthless acts for sake of an extra dollar... Later episodes are careful to show Plankton using immoral tactics that pose a real threat to the Krusty Krab to justify abusing him.
    • Sorta, Plankton is more evil in other episodes, but only really to justify Krabs's increasingly Knight Templar style obsession with Plankton. Be it through unfair means or not Krabs seems to take offense to any small amount of happiness or success his rival earns, making him come off less as a defensive fair-earning businessman and more a Corrupt Corporate Executive that is bullying other smaller businesses.
  • Mr. Krabs does say why they can't let Plankton have the customer. He says they can't afford it. But he had a million dollars in an earlier episode and a safe full of money seen in many episodes. If this show believed in continuity, then there might be a problem.
  • Actually, this might be justified in Krabs' case. He is a tremendous cheapskate (even, at one point, entering a competition for most cheap krab) and he is shown in earlier episodes willing to lose his arm over a dime or his entire lower half for a dollar, so trying to keep all the money for himself is not exactly out of his league.
• The episode "Professor Squidward", in which Squidward impersonates his rival Squilliam Fancyson just to get a job as a music teacher. The episode ends with poor Squidward being arrested for impersonating Squilliam while Squilliam laughs in his face; even worse, Spongebob and Patrick act like jerks and don't do anything to defend him!
  • The worst part is that he didn't start the whole charade. The woman outside of the concert hall offers him the job even though he DOES tell her that he is not Squilliam, and then gives it to him when he is too tempted by it to correct her again. Then she appears later after calling the police, mockingly pointing out how easy it was distinguish between the two. Um... Hello, lady? You were the moron who offered it to him AFTER HE SAID HE WAS SQUIDWARD!
  • Another awful part of that episode was Spongebob and Patrick would not let poor Squidward teach the class.
  • The real Wall Banger would have to be how Patrick and Spongebob even got there. Supposedly, it's a college class and one student even says he wants his tuition back at the end. Patrick has no job and Spongebob makes nowhere near enough money to pay for a college's tuition. So how the heck did they end up in the class?
• Plankton and Squidward are probably the most realistic characters, and they both are miserable. Plankton has degenerated to childlike intelligence as the series goes on; his "wife"/computer Karen takes more of the smarts. A recent episode has him forgetting how to blink. Twice. One wonders how Plankton could program and create a computer smarter than himself if he's that stupid.
  • He was kind of stupid at the beginning of the series—the first episode featuring him accurately summarized his makeup as "1% evil, 99% hot gas"—but his original joke was despite his presentation of intelligence (including constant protests that he went to college), he'd fail due to making truly idiotic mistakes, such as being tricked into trying to eat the Krabby Patty he was going to determine the composition of (once again, in the first episode featuring him), adding a coin-operated self-destruct to his robotic disguise, or trying to escape through a movie screen backed by solid concrete. However, they've given up on making him even seem intelligent at first glance, and his plans more often fail just because the universe hates him.
• In one episode, Plankton steals Sandy's fur. Long story. He turns Sandy's fur into a robot and goes to the Krusty Krab in it. The fur has the bikini on it, but not the diving suit. So Sandy, dressed like she usually is whenever she's at home except for the fish-bowl thing on her head and her lack of fur, goes to the Krusty Krab. On the way, everyone yells at her to put some clothes on while she's wearing a bikini! And at the end, the police arrest her at the Krusty Krab for indecent exposure while she's wearing a bikini! Keep in mind that Squidward doesn't wear pants. Additionally, those SAME POLICEMEN just laughed and called her a hairless goat earlier, instead of arresting her.
  • Why didn't Sandy just wear her white spacesuit, since that wasn't stolen? Then she may have not gotten arrested.
  • To make this even more idiotic, Sandy has taken off her diving suit in public at least once before (in the episode "Pressure"), and no one had a problem with it then. (And that was in the middle of the Krusty Krab, no less.)
  • It could just be a Digital Bikini, but then again, that would only make the above Pressure example really ridiculous. And any scenes inside the Tree Dome. Rule 34, eat your heart out.
• The short episode "Boat Smarts", which parodies driving lesson videos has SpongeBob driving recklessly, causing damage to almost everyone and everything around him, while Squidward and Mrs. Puff drive carefully and only get into accidents due to SpongeBob's negligence. The episode ends with Squidward and Mrs. Puff badly beaten and their vehicles wrecked, prompting SpongeBob to reprimand them for their dangerous driving.
• In Penny Foolish, SpongeBob discards a $500 bill/note because it didn't go with his gum collection. You know something's gone wrong when your character looks more idiotic than Homer Simpson. (Homer almost threw out a twenty in one episode while looking for a peanut, only for his brain to inform him that he could buy peanuts with that money.)
• Spongebob becomes even DUMBER when he gets a new pet to keep Gary company. Gary is clearly terrified of that pet, but SpongeBob thinks that his snail is just being shy. The REAL Wall Banger is SpongeBob is scolding Gary when the snail is about to be EATEN by the new pet, which has transformed into a monster, and then SCOLDS HIM AGAIN after he's nearly eaten by the pet himself and Gary saves him!
• In a recent episode, it's discovered that Plankton has a fear of whales (Truth in Television). Mr. Krabs exploits it by disguising himself as his whale daughter, Pearl. And boy, does he exploit it. He not only uses it to keep Plankton out of the Krusty Krab to prevent his stealing the formula, but also relentlessly tortures Plankton within his own home. There is a brief scene where the constant harassment has driven Plankton into a literal suicidal depression; Mr. Krabs laughs hysterically at his plight when SpongeBob reports it to him. And just when it seems like Plankton will finally get even, the creators Yank the Dog's Chain yet again; Krabs GETS AWAY WITH IT. Can someone explain WHY the creators expect us to root for these guys!?
  • The sad thing about it is that Plankton had an ENTIRE EPISODE with Pearl as his daughter (he builds a machine in order to see life as Mr. Krabs) and besides her whining, he didn't seem to care. Maybe he was traumatized after the experience, because before leaving the alternate reality he says "I'll see you all in therapy!".
• The massive Idiot Ball that is applied to everybody except Gary and SpongeBob in "Fungus Among Us". It starts off OK (if gross), but it starts to fail whenever Squidward gets the Ick disease. Neither he nor Mr. Krabs, nor the residents of Bikini Bottom notice the green crust that is ALL OVER THE FOOD. Then, when everybody gets the Ick, they attack SpongeBob's protective bubble despite his protests. They didn't think that this would lead to them getting even MORE of the Ick?
  • SpongeBob even lampshaded this during his protest, but did anyone listen? Noooope.
• In a cruel Yank the Dog's Chain to keep Status Quo Is God, we have Nautical Novice. SpongeBob studies all night, mastering the controls of a highly complex boat. He accidentally turns the ship on after entering the bridge. Puff then makes him stop the boat before it crushes Bikini Bottom. To show the danger, we have shots of the ship out of control. SpongeBob surprises and amazes Puff in keeping his composure and being knowledgeable in boating procedures for the first time. Then he manages to park it. Puff awards him with his license. THEN it is noted that a tugboat is attached to the ship and was PULLING the ship the whole time—but that tugboat wasn't in any previous shot, and this contradicts what we did see.
  • Not to mention that neither of them noticed a tugboat right in front of them pulling them along...
  • It needs to be emphasized that, even if the tugboat was pulling it, he explicitly did everything right, straight out of the book he studied, but he still lost his license when it turned out he wasn't driving it. The only mistake he made through the entire process was mistaking the air conditioner for the starter. This goes beyond stupid.
    • Probably the worst part is that not long after finding out the tugboat was pulling the ship, SpongeBob seems to lose all the knowledge he gained and mistakes something that flipped the boat over for the switch to the back lights.
• At the end of "SpongeBob's Last Stand", where most of SpongeBob's friends come out to help him destroy the highway, he calls Sandy Cheeks "Sandy Squirrel". Way to forget one of the main character's names, writers.
  • Did the writers do any research? It couldn't have been an intentional mistake for SpongeBob to make because it's been established that he knows what her last name is.

"Hi, we're from underwater! Do you know Sandy Cheeks?" -SpongeBob in Pressure

• "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: The Motion Picture". It was OK until the predictable Yank the Dog's Chain moment. Patrick left the lens cap on—but where did the lens cap come from?! It wasn't even shown in any other frame, and the camera was BARE...
• "The Play's The Thing", yet another episode about Squidward failing. Yes, Mr. Krabs said that he had to serve the customers during the play, but did they have to disregard the play? It Got Worse whenever they started throwing food at Squidward and SpongeBob (who, surprisingly, WASN'T the cause of Squidward's misfortune). SpongeBob was able to reason with them—they stopped throwing food—until Patrick, who came out of nowhere, says "But I like throwing food!" and nails his best friend in the face with a hard Krabby Patty. The rest of the customers forget what they just said and continue throwing everything in the Krusty Krab at poor Squidward and SpongeBob. Uncaring about his employees' state, Krabs says the two need to get ready for the NEXT play. Cue Squidward and SpongeBob laughing like mad. Mainly SpongeBob.
• A recent episode featured Mr. Krabs abusing Gary for his new ability to attract coins (and apparently, only coins, no other metal objects). He can even get them out of change machines and parking meters! But why is this? Because Gary swallowed a fridge magnet! Wait, what?! Must be one powerful magnet, even when inside the body of a snail...
• "Mermaid Man vs. SpongeBob". Karen buys Plankton a kids' meal from the Krusty Krab. Plankton goes straight for the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy toys, but, upon seeing Krabs on the side of the box, crushes the rest of the meal! Why didn't he just DIG INSIDE FOR THE KRABBY PATTY?!
  • That's not just a Wall Banger, that's "It's so unbelievably stupid I could just shoot myself".
• The episode The Krusty Sponge was a MASSIVE wall banger. Mr. Krabs starts selling poisonous 'spongey patties' at the Krusty Krab (in which he converted to a SpongeBob-themed version) and ends up getting arrested. Right when you think Krabs is finally going to get a comeuppance for once, the judge at court sets him free, gets SQUIDWARD to pull him around on a train, AND KRABS GETS AWAY WITH IT.
• The episode Choir Boys, which involves Squidward going to audition for a local choir group in order to sing a solo at a concert. However, the recurring plot theme of SpongeBob annoying Squidward reappears when apparently Patrick is out of town and SpongeBob gets bored, so he decides to pester Squidward by trying to sing to him. It turns out that SpongeBob has a golden voice and manages to make the Earth shake, free himself from being tied to a coral tree AND summons a swarm of jellyfish to carry him BY USING ONLY HIS VOICE. There seemed to be only one funny moment throughout the entire episode, which involved some humor along the lines of a toilet frowning and a roll of toiled paper saying "Don't worry, he didn't use me yesterday either". Okay. The voice clearing gag was completely too long and was not funny at all. Squidward shouting FEE-GARR-ROW! every ten seconds did not help either. The ending finally was the icing on the horrid cake because even though Squidward was not good at singing and practiced for so long, he ends up BEING A PAGE TURNER and SpongeBob gets the concert solo. Squidward was treated like dirt throughout the episode and SpongeBob was treated LIKE A GOD.
  • Especially considering it's part of a bigger piece in a bigger opera, but singing "Figaro" over and over is all they did.
• Somewhat related to the above example, the episode Model Sponge, where Spongebob thinks he's going to get fired. He auditions to be a "sponge model" after seeing a billboard while looking for a new job, and sings during the audition. Now all of a sudden his singing is nails-on-a-chalkboard horrible when, in "Choir Boys," his singing was shown to be nigh-godly, not to mention all the episodes where he has sang (there are a lot of them) and has been shown to be a good singer. This bit of Negative Continuity was just a little too negative.
  • Add to that the fact that the "sponge model" job involved SpongeBob being used to clean household items and such - which he loved doing in "Suds", yet hated in this episode. Is being used as an actual sponge only enjoyable for him if he's not healthy at the time?
  • Well in Suds he was cleaning a person, a car, and a sink, all of them reasonably clean. The sponge model job involved washing disgusting walls, sinks, and a toilet (he stopped before they got there), that were all so dirty you could see the mud on them. The level of filth he's cleaning may have something to do with it.
    • The worst part, IMHO, would have to be the ending. After fleeing the model job, Spongebob runs back to the Krusty Krab and begs for his job back. Keep in mind, he took the model job because he thought he was being fired, and Mr Krabs had no idea of this. How does Krabs react? Does he ask Spongebob what he's talking about, then explain what he meant by "letting the little guy go"? No - he acts as if SpongeBob actually left his job! I mean, come on - telling someone who honestly thought they were going to lose their job because they misinterpreted something "All right, I'll take you back...under one condition." with an angry expression? That's not something any reasonable person would do in that situation!
    • Mr. Krabs actually does ask Spongebob what he's talking about, but he still acts like Spongebob was right about what he meant, so it's still a wall banger.
• The "special" "Spongebob's Frozen-Face Off". I wasn't really sure what to expect in a episode like this but the promo looked interesting; Spongebob and friends in a race around a frozen Bikini Bottom. Then cue the beginning of the episode. Everyone's there ready to race, Spongebob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, Plankton, etc. which is apparently being funded by a generous benefactor who's giving a million dollars to the winner. We see Plankton escaping from behind everyone just before the race begins...and sure enough, turns out the whole race was set up by Plankton as part of YET ANOTHER FUTILE attempt to steal the Krabby Patty formula. This concept has been done to death already, and we should get to have just ONE episode with Plankton that doesn't have him trying to steal the formula, which we all know he gets eventually in The Spongebob Movie (which is canon as the Grand Finale).
  • Walking Small was one episode featuring Plankton where he didn't try to steal the formula.
• In the episode where Plankton took Gary's place, Spongebob took him to the hospital and after who knows how long, the NURSE DIDN'T KNOW THAT IT WAS PLANKTON! What the heck!?! Aren't they certified geniuses?!?! HOW ARE THEY THAT DUMB?
  • I think it's more pathetic that Gary's OWN OWNER couldn't even tell it was Plankton. I know Spongebob tends to be stupid at times, but COME ON!
• Episode "Bubble Trouble". HOO BOY! Spongebob and Patrick ruin Sandy's air supply and try to get her with oxygen. Spongebob than tries to get to the top of the ocean for oxygen in a bubble. How he did it. AN OXYGEN TANK! See the problem?
  • No, actually. Please explain.
    • You're kidding, right? Well, in case you aren't, the Wall Banger is why they didn't just use the flippin' oxygen tank to give to give Sandy air instead of going through so much trouble. They came close to causing Sandy to drown when they had an oxygen tank all along!
• What about the episode "Porous Pockets", where Spongebob becomes very wealthy after selling a pearl and completely ignores Patrick? It doesn't sound like a wall banger at first until you remember that pretty much throughout the series' entire run, Spongebob has been endlessly loyal to Patrick as a friend, even forgiving him for things that any normal person would non-hesitantly dump someone for. And it's money that gets Spongebob to stop being friends with Patrick? Not the times Patrick has gotten him into huge trouble, not the times Patrick has destroyed his property, but money. Really? No, just no.
• House Fancy. Guess why.
• Any time a character is ticketed for littering.
  • "Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful" is basically built on this, with SpongeBob and Squilliam each getting one and Squidward getting eight (nearly nine), including one for putting trash in someone else's trashcan. Oh, and some of the trash wasn't even his!
  • And to add a bit more insult to injury, it was paired with "A Pal For Gary".
• Several instances of implied Domestic Abuse in "The Bully".
  • SpongeBob encounters with bully Flats' father, who it turns out is being victimized by him as well. Kid-on-parent bullying not cool.
  • When a crowd of people see SpongeBob yelling "He's gonna kick my butt!", they think he's talking about an innocent old man. So they gang up and prepare to beat the living shit out of the old guy. Did I mention this happened twice.
  • Mrs. Puff about to kick SpongeBob's butt at the end.
• The first act of "Restraining SpongeBob". In this episode, the writers crank the Squidward abuse up to ridiculous levels. The episode starts with Spongebob being annoying and Squidward telling him to stop as usual. Squid gets distracted an ends up putting his arm on a hot grill. Now in an early season SpongeBob this would have been sufficient (I actually though that part was kind of funny). However, due to a combination of bad luck and Spongebob's klutziness, Squidward FALLS IN A DEEP FRIER AN GETS FRIED INTO A NUGGET. We get to hear Squidward's screams of absolute pain while all this happens. As if that horrifying sequence weren't enough "fried" Squidward gets tossed into a customer hands, thanks to more of Spongebob's clumsiness, and the customer BITS INTO SQUIDWARD'S FLESH. Oh, and did I mention that we get to hear more yells of terror from Squidward and the customer as well. I know that slapstick has always been a part of Spongebob, but this was not only disgusting to watch but down right terrifying. "Restraining SpongeBob" represents how far the quality of the humor on this show has fallen.

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1. ↑ For context, Spongebob is demanding that Gary "put down" Puffy Fluffy - the same giant monster who's trying to eat Gary.