Topless Robot

"Nerd News, Humor, and Self-Loathing"

Topless Robot (which, despite the name, is usually safe-for-work) is a blog dedicated to nerdy interests, run by Rob Bricken, a former writer for ToyFare, Anime Insider and Anime News Network. The site has become well known for its daily lists, entertaining contests which get hundreds of entries, and the notorious Fan Fiction Fridays, in which Rob gives the MST3K treatment to incredibly awful fanfic.

Needs More Love, and Needs Wiki Magic Love.

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Tropes frequently found on Topless Robot include:

• Be Careful What You Wish For: The Pokémon Story, the fans demanded it, Rob refused to show it for ages. When he finally caved the fans instantly regretted it.
• Berserk Button: Do NOT bring up Michael Bay's films. Especially Transformers.
  • After Transformers: Dark of the Moon came out and was proven to be a very bad movie but not a wretched cinematic atrocity (according to Rob), Bay and his movies just became a punching bag for Rob rather than a satanic abomination that must be wiped off the face of this earth.
    • ... and then came Aliengate, after which Rob proclaimed Bay as Nerd Satan.
• Brain Bleach: Chances are you'll need it on Fan Fiction Friday.
• Cluster F-Bomb: Lots.
• Comics Nix: His stories are not only ran on Fan Fiction Friday often, Roboteers REQUEST them because of the fics sheer insanity.
• Eldritch Abomination: Dr. Abraxas.
• Forced Meme: WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS. Know Your Meme has it deadpooled because it didn't spread naturally.
  • It's still popular on TR itself, though.
  • Which makes it a Running Gag amongst the readers and staff.
• I Need a Drink: Rob's Catch Phrase.
• Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant: Abraxas and Sago both indulge in this, often competing to see who can say the most Squick and/or Nightmare-inducing things.
• Nostalgia Filter: When it comes to old-school Star Wars, [[He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, Tron, or Final Fantasy VII, Rob will defend his opinions to the death.
  • That applies to Transformers as well, although he does seem to like Beast Wars and admits he doesn't have any opinion on Transformers Animated because he never watched it. The live-action films are another story. He also isn't too fond of Transformers Prime, but he stated in a later post that it was more disappointment than outright hate, and in a LATER post, he admitted that, while he still doesn't like it, that he can see why others do.
• Running Gag:
  • Tons. Use of Toht's melting face or the exploding head from Scanners to illustrate FFF commentary, WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS, finding E.T. to be "fucking horrifying", rampant and occasionally homoerotic Joss Whedon fanboyism, and, most recently, Rob furiously masturbating over any and all news about Tron: Legacy.
  • And even more recently, "Winter is coming, and so am I."
• Sanity Slippage: When reading the more horrific FFF entries, Rob tends to lose all coherent thought and just spam Toht/Scanners pictures, with the occasional "WHY GOD WHY?" and "I Need a Freaking Drink" comment.
  • When in early 2011 he finally got around to the infamous FFVII fic "Beast & The Harlots", he went from typing using Toht's picture with the caption "HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE" in one section to "HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE" in a later one. And yes, the story really is that bad.
  • The entire latter half of the MSTing of MILF from UNCLE consists almost entirely of Toht Faces (understandable, since it combined Angry Beavers with Parental Incest). He finally went mad from the revelation upon realising that the author was too busy masturbating to complete the story and spammed almost a dozen of them.
• Schmuck Bait: Admit it, the way in which Rob introduces "The Other Story" (real title "How Videl Discovered Her Abortion Fetish") just makes you want to read it even more.
• Serious Business: The competition in the weekly T-shirt contests can get... intense.
• Sitcom Arch Nemesis/Shadow Archetype: Abraxas is one of these to Rob, as well as being a Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant.
  • It's Dr. Abraxas now. OH SHI--
• Sporking: Done for all but the most vile of the FFFs.
• Tempting Fate: Done in a few FFFs.

Rob: This cannot possibly get any more awful.
Fic: "I don't think you had enough Arthur, would you like to have some cocktail weenies?" asked Brain.
Rob: *Toht* I STAND CORRECTED

Notable fanfics featured on Fan Fiction Friday include:

• Rectified Anonymity: Rob discovered it and popularized the nickname of "The Pokémon Story". He initially refused to run it. The Roboteers begged him. He ran it. We needed Brain Bleach.