Time Cube

Don't Panic! It gets worse!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyse his delusions is called a philosopher.
—Ambrose Bierce

Internet crackpots have never been in short supply, from free range trolls of many different subspecies to rampaging fundies to shippers with upsettingly poor judgement.

And then there is Time Cube.

"Time Cube" refers to the "scientific" "theory" proposed by Gene Ray, self proclaimed "Cubic Phenomenologist", "Doctor of Cubism" and "Wisest Human", which espouses the concept that time is cubic. This meaning that Earth's two hemispheres are not fixed geographic points on a round planet, but two separate metaphysical spheres that rotate independent of each other and cancel each other out as antipodes.[1] As a result, four 24-hour days (or alternately, one 96-hour day) takes place in what we perceive to be one standard 24-hour day. He has also stated that nothing is able to exist without an exact and polar opposite. These theories have been described by some physicists as, in very technical scientific terms "being wrong". Yet other physicists counter that "wrong" is a too charitable description of the site.

"Dr" Ray's website (viewed here) has been a target of internet humor, mostly for his rambling writing style, incoherent beliefs and blatant racism, anti-semitism, homophobia and just plain hatred for humans in general. He has stated that the refusal of any institute of higher learning to accept his theories is the result of a massive conspiracy, and that anyone who rejects or remains ignorant of his ideas should be killed and is doomed to Hell (always the sign of a credible scientist). It is perhaps significant that Gene Ray is a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, a fact which he has announced publicly on several occasions.

Tropes used in Time Cube include:

"Beware of the change when your brain is free from induced 'Word World' enslavement - for you could find that the natural "Real World" has been destroyed."

  • Sophisticated As Hell: The whole thing is written this way, both with swears and general juvenile terms (like "Word God has not the substance of a fart", "[if you were not based of mathematical perfection] your arm would be too short to wipe your butt", and "SnotBrain Android").
  • Space Does Not Work That Way: Earth takes roughly 24 hours to spin around completely. It's not that hard.
  • Science Is Wrong: Ray apparently knows about mainstream physics and astronomy, but just dismisses them as "ACADEMIC SINGULARITY ONEISM THAT YOU MUST OPPOSITE THINK!!"
  • Stealth Parody: Most probably averted. The sheer density of troll logic, vitriol, etc, might make it seem implausable to be otherwise, but there's a reason Poe's Law was formulated. He has mentioned that he was diagnosed as having paranoid schizophrenia and refused treatment for it (deciding that the people who diagnosed him were part of the conspiracy). He's also been interviewed on television in the past, and he's every bit as crazy and incoherent when actually speaking as he is when writing. If he's a Stealth Parody then it's a very dedicated one, and all signs point to him just being completely insane.
  • Talkative Loon
  • The Schizophrenia Conspiracy: A possible explanation for this web site (see Stealth Parody above).
  • Tragic Mulatto: "Interracial marriage is stupid and evil for it creates a child not of either race, betraying the child and both the races."
  • Viewers Are Evil Morons: Every few sentences explain how you, the Viewer, are a moron who has been "educated stupid."
    • Are you stupid and evil?
  • Wall of Text: The Rainbow Speak does nothing to make this any easier on your eyes.
  • We All Live in America: Much text is devoted to how stupid Americans are for ignoring Cube Theory and how the we will know hell for ignoring Gene, but no thought is given to any other part of the world except to mention how the blacks should all move back to Africa.
  • What Do You Mean It's Not Heinous?: Gene is fond of labeling everyone and everything opposed to his philosophy (read: everyone and everything but himself) as "evil."
  • Word Salad Philosophy
    • "A mother and baby are the same age"
      • This is more of a Mathematician's Answer or Ice Cream Koan, since he seems to mean that a woman only becomes a mother when she has a baby, so the "mother" has only existed for as long as the baby.
        • Unless it's her second baby.
    • This lends even more support to The Schizophrenia Conspiracy, as one of the major symptoms of schizophrenia is disorganized speech, or (appropriately named) "word salad."
  • Writers Cannot Do Math: Compounds the below-stated problem. For the basics, cubes have eight corners, not four.
    • Ray claims to have come up with the theory by squaring the circle of the Earth. Mathematicians have long known this is impossible.
  • You Fail Physics Forever: 4 corners is not 1/4 or 4/16 of a cube.
    • Not to mention, a cube is a six sided figure. Not four.
      • Having no respect for the meaning of words, he seems to mean edges, not corners, as shown in this diagram where he labelled 4 parallel edges of a cube as "corners".
        • He did. He also insists to refer to two sides of a cube as top and bottom, insisting that they're not sides. Which really DOES leave only four sides left.
    • If time is a cube that depends on the rotation of Earth, how does time work in space?
  1. ↑ At least, that's our best guess as to what the Time Cube theory espouses. It's difficult to find the actual theory amid all the ranting.
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