< The Angry Video Game Nerd

The Angry Video Game Nerd/Funny


  • Ghostbusters:
    • (When giving information about Ghostbuster toys) "Then we have all these weird ones that I don't even remember from the show. (holding up figure of Belle) This one I don't think-oh wait, that's not mine, get that the fuck outta here."
    • At the end when he cries/laughs at the A Winner Is You Ending.
  • AVGN's review of Superman 64.
    • "Looks like Superman's stroking his super dick.**
  • The whole The Addams Family episode, including the entire family of the AVGNs Flipping the Bird at the screen to the classic Addams Family theme with fart noises at the end, and one of them says, in a nod to Donatello's line from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, "You were expecting, uh, maybe, uh, the Ninja Turtles?" Also, while playing Fester's Quest:

AVGN Gomez: I think it's a shitload of fuck!
AVGN Fester: I think you'd better shut your ass!

    • And at the part before that:

AVGN Fester: GODDAMN!
AVGN Wednesday: This game had better stop SUCKING ASS or else I'm going to have give it the Finger. The middle finger. {{[[[Flipping the Bird]] flips the bird}}]

    • Also, the AVGN ends the Sega Genesis review of The Addams Family with "This game is ASS!", with the letter "A" item and the two "$" collectibles forming the word "A$$". This is followed by a theme song parody by Kyle Justin (dressed up as Cousin Itt):

It's crappy and it's kooky,
A stupid piece of poopy.
I'd rather eat my dookie;
It makes me wanna pee.
Sucking some ass. (FUCK!)

Sucking some balls. (FUCK!!)

Sucking some balls,

Sucking some balls,

Sucking some ass. (FUCK!!!)

It makes me wanna see a

Assload of diarrhea.

It's worse than gonorrhea.

I'm gonna take that pee!

  • The fake video game "The Book of Genesis" in the Bible Games review. A Sega Genesis based on the Book of Genesis with licensed Genesis songs, such as Invisible Touch.
    • The whole Bible Adventures game, especially with Noah carrying the animals into the ark in "Noah's Ark".

AVGN: [both the lion and the squirrel get knocked out] What? What happened? Did you see that? That lion just fell flat on his ass! And, he fell at the same time as the squirrel. So, who knocked them both out? Well, let's take a look at the whole replay and see what happened. Here, we see the squirrel throw an acorn. It clobbers the lion. BAM! Now, let's back up a bit. Just before he gets hit, this other squirrel throws another acorn, which comes right back down, and BAM! He knocked himself out with his own acorn. Dumb shit.

      • The weird sound effects that a sheep makes, which the Nerd mimics.
      • Also:

AVGN: [trying to catch sheep] Come on, you damn sheep. I'm not gonna hurt you. Sheepy, sheepy! [in higher-pitched tone] Sheepy, sheepy, sheepy! [in normal voice] Fuck this! I feel like a stupid asshole going after all these sheep for no reason.

      • And:

AVGN: The most fun I have in this game is watching that weird squirrel. I'm telling you, that squirrel does some weird shit. One minute, it's sleeping, then it runs up and over the tree, and-- [sees a squirrel climb up the sky because of some glitches] Oh my God! Look at that! It's a flying squirrel. Or, it's like climbing the sky! [squirrel vanishes] Where'd it go? [David jumps, and the squirrel reappears before it disappears again, for good this time] Oh, there it is! Wow. They were on drugs when they made this game.

    • Also, in Bible Buffet:

AVGN: It's so rare to hear such a clear voice in a Nintendo game. But, I also suppose it's rare for Nintendo to have a Bible game with no references to the Bible, resembling Atari that's all about food trying to kill you. Yet it's also a board game rip-off with quizzes that you can't answer. And, if it's a Bible game, why do you blow a snowman's head off? Whatever happened to "Thou Shalt Not Kill"? Please, somebody tell me. What the hell am I playing? I kinda like it, but I gotta turn it off before I go insane.

    • When the Nerd plays "Flight to Egypt" for three seconds:

"It's bad."

The Nerd (after getting his chain yanked with a non-fitting controller): (Beat) FUCK!!

  • ROLLING ROCK ON THE ROLL & ROCKER!! That's in his NES Accessories review.
    • To the tune of the Duck Hunt Level 1 opening, Boo the Cat is on top of the TV screen before the Nerd yells at him to jump down. As the cat does, he swats at the flying duck on the TV screen a few times, then the duck flies away as the tune ends with the Dog's laugh, before the Nerd repeatedly shoots at the laughing Dog in anger.
    • "I just shot down a duck by saying fuck."
    • "FUCK FIRE!"
    • "You gotta use your hands? That's like a baby's toy."
    • "YEAH! I'm shooting ducks with a piano!"
  • The entire Plumbers Don't Wear Ties video. The. Entire. Video. His reaction to the upside down fucking chicken mask is probably the absolute pinnacle of his entire videography.
    • "Oh, so is he a plumber? Well, the game's called 'Plumbers Don't Wear Ties,' so I guess it makes sense. He's a plumber and I don't see him wearing a tie." *screen shows John wearing a tie while holding a plunger* "What the fuck? You can't even trust the damn title!"
    • His rant at the end of the video.

Nerd: "Yeah, you know what? Give me somethin' different. Give me a different fuckin' game! This is one of the worst things I have ever seen in my life. On the box, it says 'Plays like a game...but feels like a movie!' Well, that's horseshit! It does not play like a game, and it certainly does not feel like a movie. It's a slideshow that verges on being softcore porn. But it isn't that either! It's like some kind of experimental art project. If I just made a bunch of shit and threw all kinds of filters on it, that would be the same as this miserable pile of fuck. It would also be the same to go take a shit on a piece of toast on top of a roof while wearing a fish mask singing 'I'm Too Sexy.'"

      • Complete with the crazy filtering found in the game's beginning, as well as pictures of random bears including a panda.
    • When John and Jane first meet:

John: Wow... It’s 8 o’clock and I’m seein’ a 10! What I wouldn’t give to do her plumbing…

AVGN: Yeah, OK.

(A few seconds pass with John and Jane just staring at each other)

AVGN: OK.

(A few more seconds pass with John and Jane STILL staring at each other)

AVGN: O-Kay?

(John and Jane are STILL staring at each other)

AVGN: What the fuck...

  • The Nerd's heartfelt FUCK!! once he realized that the new Godzilla games were way better than the older ones. Cue in for the Nerd tumbling down SNES games Godzilla-style as the scream goes on in the background.
  • Four words: Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout. Bittersweet Candy Bowl creator Taeshi has admitted this to be among her favorites [dead link] , along with the aforementioned reviews of the Atari 5200 and Plumbers Don't Wear Ties.
    • Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle might be even funnier, including some of the ways Bugs gets payback for the Nerd's abuse two years before.
  • The beginning of the Nintendo Power video. For the first few seconds, you see a bunch of Nintendo Power magazines on the floor, and then...

AVGN: ASS!

  • The Nerd's reaction to level 8 of Little Red Hood:

Nerd: ...In this stage, the key doesn't appear until you buy an invincibility potion and three slingshots. (beat) HOW WOULD ANYBODY KNOW TO DO THAT?!

  • The scene in the Indiana Jones review in which AVGN whips an IJ cartridge. Funny not because of the whipping itself, but because an off-camera light goes off and James Rolfe breaks character and says "Oh Shit!", meaning the gag didn't go off as planned.
    • The enemy with the absurdly large life bar and the Nerd's increasingly horrified expression after he holds the whip button down without looking at the screen for ages and then finds it's only gone down two points.
  • "Where did YOU learn to fly? Where did YOU learn to fly?"
    • Where'd YOU learn to be an asshole!
  • The Power Glove review, especially when the Nerd succeeds in landing the plane in Top Gun with the glove. His dumbfounded face is priceless.
    • "I lost to Glass Joe. I lost...to Glass Joe."
    • "It's so bad it sucks! It so fucking sucks it fucks! And I....can't take anymore."
    • There are two jokes that never fail to make me laugh in the Power Glove review:

Nerd: (playing Bubble Bobble) If you're trying to pop the bubbles, good luck! Sucks monkey fuck! (pops into view) Sucks monkey fuck!
Nerd: (playing Super Mario Bros) All right, Mario, you don't have to keep jumping. At least he made it over the Goomba; you were lucky, ya fuck.

    • His funniest moment has to be when he picks up his copy of Castlevania 2- his first game review. If you saw it, you're well aware he really hates the shit out of that game and wouldn't dare play it again. So what does he do?

Nerd: (Holding the console with a menacing Death Glare) Castlevania II: Simon's Quest... There's only one way to play this with the Power Glove... (PUNCH!)

  • Even the ninja master can't beat Ninja Gaiden. "Nunchaku-fuck!"
  • The very last second of his Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde video, he tells everyone that he's Dead. Fucking. Serious about how bad this game is, only to start laughing as the camera cuts out.
    • His return to the game is another moment. Even after six years, he still hasn't gotten over the shock, as shown by him delaying the review for about two minutes and switching from his usual Rolling Rock beer to a bottle of whiskey.
      • His reaction to Jekyll killing a bee....

Nerd: I killed a bee? *kills another bee* I killed something!

AVGN: Cowabunga...COWA-FUCKING-PIECE-OF-DOG-SHIT! This game is diarrhea coming out of my dick. This game is as appealing as a fucking ooze-infested dirty fucking sewer rat shit. I've had more fun playing with dog turds. Shredder's my ass and Splinter's my balls. This game is an inside-out asshole regurgitating putrid anal fecal matter. I'd rather fucking yank all the hairs out of my scrotum. I'd rather drink diarrhea vomited out of buffalo's anus. It sucking fucks, it fucking sucks, it fucking blows, it's a piece of shit...and I don't like it.

  • "The game sucks, end of story, I wanna nail Roger Rabbit to the fucking cross"
  • His opening rant about the Virtual Boy ending with "Come to think of it, you wouldn't want to play this thing in public anyway. You'd look like an asshole."
    • Duct-taping the Virtual Boy to his head, enhanced by a DVD outtake where he painfully removes the tape.
    • "Waterworld... on Virtual Boy! It's like puking on a pile of shit!"
  • Let's play charades. Who am I?
    • The Nerd thinking up all the death-traps to put at the start of Super Pitfall.

The Nerd: Let's put every kind of obstacle we can possibly think of in the very beginning of the game. Y'know, I'm disappointed. Couldn't there have been lava on top of the spikes, with fire-sharks swimming in it?. Couldn't there be more spikes coming in from the sides, ready to close in and squash me, while stabbing at the same time? How about some lazer-cannons, and upside-down volcanoes? You wanna be even more efficent? Why even have the ladder? Why not just start the game falling down the pit? *Cue all the previous mentioned appearing*

  • "You get 4 different kinds of Pong, like... what the hell is this, Reverse Pong? Okay... Oh, now what's this? Asshole Pong? That's not fair!"
    • The Nerd's comment on using the video connector and the box for the Wonder Wizard:

"This might be a good time to bring up that most of these old consoles have a connector that looks like this. You have to plug them into a box, and then screw the box into your TV. But I say, get yourself one of these, plug them into the coaxial input on your TV, plug the game in, and tell that box to go fuck itself!" *flips the bird at the connector while he says this*

  • The Nerd's double review of the ColecoVision and Intellivision. "BEEEEEEEEEEE SEVENTEEN BAAAAUUUUMERRRRR!!"
    • "SHIT THE FUCK?!"
  • "I don't know one person who had a Sega CD. And why is that? BECAUSE IT FUCKIN' SU -- CAUSE-IT-FUCK -- CAUSE--IT--FUCK -- CAUSE----IT----FUCKIN'----SUCKS."
  • When he disposes of the horrid Winter Games cartridge by doing everything to it the warning label says not to: IE. shoves it in the oven and the freezer, runs water over it, pours alcohol into the component side, smashes it with a hammer and takes it apart before burning it in the fireplace.
    • Also, when the Nerd comments on the name problems in the review:

"The name entry screen is a disaster. You can't move the cursor up or down. It only goes left and right. Isn't that fun?! Not to mention, they only let you spell four-letter words, which I could think of plenty, but how many names would have less than four letters? If you tried to add a fifth letter, it goes back and replaces the first letter, then you gotta figure out how to start over. When it reaches the last letter, why couldn't it just stop?! The simplest thing to do is to type in all A's, then go left once to get to the end button. Because, why put in a name anyway? It's not like the game is gonna save it. But if it did, I guarantee most of the high scores will belong to "AAAA". The point is, how hard is it to program something as simple as a name entry screen? If they can't even get that right, then WOAH! Wait 'til you see the game!"

  • After ranting about Hydlide for ages while pronouncing it "hide-lide", he then pauses and remarks: "Wait, maybe it's pronounced 'Hid-lide'."
  • In his Ghostbusters review when he prank-calls a hardware store asking for Ghost Vacuums.
  • Bimmy and Jimmy? Bimmy's not even a real name!
  • The Back to The Future gag in the Atari 5200 "review." The TV power cord is just a couple inches too short. "Damn. Damn. Damn Damn!"
    • The look on the Nerd's face when he unwraps the Trak-Ball controller is priceless. (8:37)
      • As is getting smacked in the face by the Ebay packaging box. And the ending.
  • Combining both a Moment of Awesome and a Funny Moment together in once scene, at one point during the Battletoads, James and Kyle just start groovin' out to the techno music during the Pause screen.
    • Kyle tries to join in, despite the Nerd's insistence he can't:

James: (as P1 and P2 descend on the stage) Wait...how'd you do that?
Kyle: ...I pressed start.

James: Ohhhhh! It's arcade style!

Nerd: Yeah yeah, I'm doing good!
Ninja: It's not a woman.

    • And:

Nerd: *dies again* Grr!
Ninja: Before you leap, you must look.
Nerd: *dies again* I looked, I looked!
Ninja: Before you look, you must think.
Nerd: *dies again and gets angry*
Ninja: Before you think, you must feel.

Nerd: *dies again* FUCK!

Ninja: Before you fuck, you must use proper protection.

    • This is compared to the normal original episode, but different when the Ninja says, "Before you think, you must feel":

Nerd: *dies again* Ungh!!!
Ninja: Before you feel, you must--
Nerd: I've had enough!!

      • There's also the way the ninja shrugs when saying the "Don't Think, Feel," line, as if it were obvious and he couldn't believe the nerd didn't know it.
    • When the Nerd actually catches the Q-tip first time. Their reactions are priceless, especially Rolfe's look of amazement and hilarity.

Ninja: My work here is done.

Hectan: "You've killed me!"
Zelda: "Good."

AVGN: [[[Beat]], then starts laughing hysterically] Hehehehe! Good! Hehehehe! You've killed me! Good! Hehehehe! [flips off both middle fingers, and clucks like the Cluster F-Bomb Chicken]

    • Also, his closing comments on the CD-i games:

AVGN: "These games are as worthwhile as melting dog shit in a frying pan! [piles up all three Zelda CD-i games] Yeah, you put some buffalo puke and some cat piss all over it, and you have a shit sandwich that is Zelda CD-i! This game fuckin' sucks, [tosses one CD with a crash] it fuckin' sucks, [tosses another CD with a crash] it fuckin' sucks, [tosses a third CD with a crash] oh, yeah, and the Mario game, that one sucks too! [tosses the CD with a fourth crash] CD-i SUCKS!"

[cue the farting to the tune of the 8-bit The Legend of Zelda game opening]

  • His reaction to learning that you can make Michael Jackson grab his crotch in Moonwalker.
  • From his second episode on Bible Games: "Kill all babies. Kill all babies? I'm playing a Nintendo game that has the words 'Kill all babies' in it?"
  • The Action52 review has many.
    • "Out of the way, you fucking ghosts! Here comes Mrs. Tits, jumping like she's on the moon!"
    • "Oh, fucking hell, there's a menorah shooting Q-tips! GET OUTTA THE WAY!"
    • "You know what's more fun than playing Action 52? 52-card pickup. You know how you play that? *tosses deck of cards on ground* Pick up the cards!"
    • The Nintoaster. Also a Moment of Awesome.

Nerd: It's a NinToaster. And yes, it works.

    • "Are you shitting me? This game is shitting me." *cue the cartridge doing exactly that*
    • "This guy doesn't understand the basic concept of a hooker. You're supposed to fuck her, not fuck her up."
      • DIE, BOOB LADY!
    • All his imagination-based interpretations of the unclear sprites in the games. Vacuum cleaners (In SPACE) appear to crop up a lot.
    • The safety pins.
    • The look on his face when he falls into the newbie trap. That is all.

Nerd: Who's gonna dodge that? Nobody! Not the first time!

    • His opinion on TV censorship.

Nerd: Whoever came up with this is an asshole!
TV Version Nerd: Whoever came up with this is an ass*bleep*! Ass! Hole? Ass*bleep*. Television makes a lot of sense.

    • His immediate reaction to Time Warp Tickers. Conveying "what the fuck" as much as possible with nothing but an expression.
    • For some reason, just his understated reaction to the lack of enemies in the games.

Nerd: Game #15: "Sharks." Yeah, sharks. ...sometimes sharks... most of the time not.

    • The glorious return of Shit Pickle.
  • His recent Cheetahmen review also has a couple of them too.
    • His reaction of finding out that Cheetah Men sucked on Action52 like all the others.
    • The reveal of a secret/glitch involving a level in Cheetah Men.
    • "Whoa, speaking of monkey fuck."
    • His reaction to seeing a dog getting graphically killed in the Sega Genesis' version of Action52.
    • "...But you know what the really good news is? I'M DONE WITH Action 52!!"
  • From his Dick Tracy review: "If this game is dick, then we were the balls!" Not only that, but at the end of the review, when he goes absolutely batshit like we've never seen him before. Sure he gets really angry at games often but this one cannot fail to take people aback at his pure psychopathic RAGE:
    • One guy? NO CONTINUES?! No, seriously, tell me why there's no fucking continues! WHY ARE THERE NO CONTINUES? WHY ARE THERE NO FUCKING CONTINUES? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!! *He drinks madly, slopping it down himself, SCREAMS into a cushion and unleashes a fuck-stream like no other* Then his expression at the screwdriver bit.
  • This excellent Visual Pun from his Star Trek review: "You want Genesis? *holds up Sega Genesis* You can have Genesis.
  • During part 1 of his Halloween special reviewing the Dracula games, the Nerd had just gotten a game over from the SNES version of Bram Stoker's Dracula and while the credits were passing by, he saw the name Fred Fuchs...

Nerd: Wait, who's this? Fred Fudges..Fred Fuchs?? Fred Fuchs! Fred Fuchs! Oh my god, Fred Fuchs! Oh my God, its Fred Fuchs! Ohhhohoho, Fred Fuchs!

    • "DON'T KNOW HOW TO 'FUCK' SOMETHING" *Cue stunned silence and Face Palm*
    • "Eat pillow." "Yuck!" "Okay, so I ate the pillow? I didn't expect THAT!"
    • (When finishing The Count's Countdown) "Why am I playing this?"
  • The priceless look on his face in the AVGN movie quote of the week about Pokémon.

Nerd: *blinks* The movie quote of the week is... what the fuck is this? *cracks up*

  • In his review of Super Mario Bros. 3, after he calls upon Super Mecha Death Christ to destroy the game:

Nerd: Holy shit!
Super Mecha Death Christ: *shoots the Nerd* WATCH YOUR FUCKIN' LANGUAGE!

  • Basically, all of the Rocky character glitches in his "Game Glitches" review. Primarily, the Clubber Lang one.

Nerd: It's a Clubber Fuck!

    • Or when the Glitch Gremlin turns the audience into glitches and makes the fighters disappear.

Gremlin: In this corner, weighing in at 0 pounds, 0 ounces: Nothing! And in this corner, we have much of the same: Also nothing!

    • Let's not forget the Call Back to his Super Mario Bros 3 review. "The gremlin prefers to stay away from this game. It's a bit too crowded with demonic possessions."
  • His Batman review is simply put, awesome. Especially funny moments in the review includes his rant on Batman Forever and Mike Matei as the Joker.
    • When he attempts to use the grappling hook in Batman Forever:

Nerd: Fuck! Shit! Get up there! THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT! You'd think to shoot up, you'd just press up, but *no*! It jumps! Sometimes I get it to work by pure luck, until I found out that, okay, this is how it works: to shoot up, you press select and up in a very specific way. You have to press Select slightly before you press jump; if you do it correctly, it shoots the grappling hook straight up in the air. But if you press them both at the same time, you just jump! That's a good reason why the jump button should NOT BE UP! WHY CAN'T IT BE ONE OF THE FUCKING BUTTONS?! HAVING THE FUCKING "UP" BUTTON TO JUMP IS FUCKING FUCKED UP! If THIS [up] aimed your grappling hook and THIS [B button] jumped, then it would be fine. But no! They gotta be the same button!

    • And the rant he delivers at the end is pure gold:

Nerd: THIS IS FUCKED BEYOND BELIEF!!! It's like, the controls in this game are like something you do for a cheat code, NOT A BASIC MOVE THAT YOU HAVE TO DO IN ORDER TO PLAY THE GAME! Why'd they program it in such an asinine, ball-brained, cockamamie, ridiculous fashion?! It's like, geez, there's four buttons right in the front of the controller! LIKE THAT'S NOT ENOUGH TO WORK WITH?!? Instead they have to, like, program it like all into, like, weird kinda crazy button combinations and shit!? It's like, what were they thinking?! It's like, up is jump!? Select for the grappling hook!? Select shouldn't even be part of the game, select should be like for the menus or something, I mean, geez! Like, were they trying to just ruin this game - just, flat out just fuck it up?! Well they did! BATMAN FOREVER! IT SUCKED BACK THEN, AND IT SUCKS FOREVER!

    • "Will the Bat-Nerd escape the Joker? What bad games does he have in store? Tune in next week, same bat time, same bat channel."
  • When he ended up saying that having the Power Glove for Zelda II: The Adventure of Link would make the game much more challenging than it already is... only to inadvertently make subtle movements on his Power Glove hand to defeat the final boss in Dark/Shadow Link and showing the ending while saying how good, but impossibly hard it is and how he'll never beat it as long as he lives. He even turns off the TV while it was showing the ending...only for him to return on the TV while it was showing the ending. Can also be considered a Moment of Awesome.
    • You know, some of the descriptions from the first Zelda game starting from Like Like, the Link from the first Zelda game burning the Link from the second one with the Nerd's reaction to that, the two scenes where Link turned into a fairy at a high spot (followed by a return appearance from the Glitch Gremlin), and the scene where he has a hard time killing a skull are also funny as well.

AVGN: (Link) learns the Down-Thrust, the Up-Thrust, and here, he learns the Cunt Thrust. Yeah, that should be the name of a band.

      • The Nerd's reaction to the Game Over screen:

Ganon: Ha ha ha ha!
AVGN: Huh huh, huh huh, fuck you.

  • The Chronologically Confused Zelda Timeline, for the most part. One example is:

AVGN: {{[[[The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask|The Legend of Zelda Majoras Mask]] Majora's Mask}}] is a sequel to Ocarina of Time. But, wait! Not a sequel to the end where adult Link defeats Ganon, no! It's a sequel to young Link after he got sent back! So now, any speculation of Nintendo ever making a sequel to Zelda II the Adventure of Link is deader than shit. They can't even make a sequel that follows in consecutive order. Instead, they just keep going back, and then maybe taking a small step up again, and then back again! We have a sequel to the original, a PREQUEL to the original, a sequel to the prequel, a PREQUEL to the prequel, and a SEQUEL to the young Link of the prequel's prequel! WHAT THE FUCK?!?

"The basic rules for this game require Nintendo Power! That is some fuck!"

  • His detailed simile about the terrible hit detection in Transformers: Convoy no Nazo

"Hitting your mark is like trying to piss into a shot glass that's spinning on a record player, that's strapped to a running cheetah's back, while you're riding a unicycle on a tightrope blindfolded."

  • In the new Nintendo Nerd Revisited video, after completing Top Gun's final mission, the game forces him to land on the carrier one last time. This time, he says he knows what to do, but given the unforgiving controls during landings, he overshoots the carrier... and his jet keeps going out of the TV screen, up past his wall, and breaks through his glass window to fly outside. The prolonged landing sound effect really sells it.

"Hey, if someone sees that plane, can you let me know?"

    • Him also wanting the M.C. Kids review to have a dance segment with the McDonald's mascots along with Skeletor and Dracula a la the CGI dance segment in the re-release of Return of the Jedi
    • His mocking of the Star Wars special editions.
    • He calls Jessica Rabbit's phone number 20 years after the game came out, his reaction to finding out it's a sex line is priceless.
    • His description of the colors of the LJN Rainbow

"Purple for "Putrid Gameplay", Blue for "Bad Musical Abominations", Green for "Graphical Farts and Garlic", Yellow for "Piss-Poor Lack of Loyalty to Source Material", Orange for "Orange you a fucking idiot!", and Red for "High-stress Anger-Inducing Masochism"! Put that all together, and you've got all the colors of the shit rainbow. Hooray, LJN!"

    • "Hey, I'm getting deja vu here!" When inserting the cartridge into the Nintoaster, cut to where he put the cartridge in a toaster the first time.
    • His question on the origin of the Back to The Future games:

"Was this game even made by a human being, or did they feed it into a computer just so it could shit out this nonsensical fuck-poop?"

    • When he dies again in Back to the Future III on Sega Genesis.

YOU FUCKING PROCESSING, STOP BEING SO BLAST!

  • His tantrum in the beginning of The Karate Kid with his slow motion "FUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK!!!", and banging his head through a kitchen cabinet.
    • Even funnier when you realise he was holding the top of his head to soften the impact so that he didn't hurt himself.
  • Even his retrospective on the Castlevania titles is pretty funny, such as his thoughts on "fuckness":

"What in the unholy name of ass is this fuckness?! Oh wait, that's not a word? Well, it should be."

    • Most likely unintentional, but saying Carrie in Castlevania (Nintendo 64) was like a school girl, with the game footage where Carrie is saying "Don't treat me like a child."
    • Also finding out that Bram Stoker's Dracula novel was canon with the games:

"It's like taking two cannons and putting them together!"

      • Complete with the image of two cannons together and launching at the same time.
    • From his review of Symphony of the Night:

"What are these, skeletons shooting lasers out their cocks?"

  • The part in his revisited Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde review where, while red in the face with alcohol and rage, he wailed an epic diatribe (particularly the close up rant with him spilling booze all over himself).

"What makes him think the church is going to be any better? Is the priest going to throw candles at him? Is Jesus going to climb off the fucking cross and start hitting him with it?"

    • Also, his reaction to actually killing something with the cane. Which turned out to be a bee.
  • In his original Top Gun review, right near the end where he attempts to land the plane one last time. The entire sequence is silent, save for the white noise of the video game sound effects. Then as the plane gets closer and closer to the carrier, it cuts back to his excited face, but right at the last second, it crashes into the water. Then...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS!!"

    • Granted, it wasn't the strongest swear, but it's still hilarious.
      • Though he does scream "FUUUUUUUCK!" right after he says "ASS!"
  • His review of Lester The Unlikely was one of his calmer videos, but it has its moments....

"Augh, doody!!"

    • Lester desperately running away from a group of bats.
    • The Nerd's description in how the series would've evolved, culminating in Lester 5 being a bag of poop.
    • "I'd rather fuck the Wicked Witch of the West[...]This nerd makes me look like Charles Bronson. Steve Urkel could beat the shit out of this guy."
    • Playing The Flowers of Robert Mapplethorpe. Just this...
    • Deciding he's gone off all games and to watch TV instead. His TV turns out not to have an aerial connection and just produces static, causing him to remark "Modern TV sucks!"...before settling down to watch the static anyway.
  • In part one of his Terminator video game review, The Nerd's reaction to the maximum lives cap for the NES Terminator game.
    • "Alright I'm back, all refreshed ready to play some more Terminator with all new extra lives. All 6 of them...6? Only 6!? OK, I got to be honest, it's only one digit I didn't expect more than 9, but why a random number like 6!? That means that some fucked up masochist actually programmed it that way and made the decision "Hmmm, well let's see. Anything more than 6, that's too much." Fucking asshole!
  • His analogy for the Genesis add-ons:

"Did they really need all this bullshit [the 32X and the Sega CD] leeching on the Genesis? That poor Genesis is just thinking, 'Oh please, God, take this shit off me.' It’s like getting gang-raped: Both of its slots are gettin' fucked at the same time."

  • In the Star Wars games review, the Nerd's explanation regarding the "who shot first" debate: neither did and Luke Skywalker crashed his landspeeder right into Greedo right after Han Solo said "Over my dead body!"
    • The Nerd's face when he sees Darth Vader turn into a scorpion in the only Japanese Star Wars game on the Famicom is probably the funniest thing ever.

AVGN: Did Darth Vader say to Luke "I am your father and I am also a fucking scorpion"?

    • His reaction to the relatively pointless tidbit in one game where Obi-Wan Kenobi points out "The Lightsaber is the weapon of the Jedi".
      • "Yeah, thanks for telling me that. While you're at it, why don't you tell me something like 'Cows go "Moo!"'?"
    • How about the end? As he's listing off a bunch of Star Wars games (He soon just lists a bunch of made up names that get more and more bizarre as he goes on), what is most likely one of the funniest Non Sequitur Scenes ever. A buffalo walks by his window, backs up, and takes a diarrhea shit that blasts through his window. The Nerd's reaction to it is priceless.

Nerd: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOOOOD! A FUCKING BUFFALO JUST TOOK A FUCKING SHIT THROUGH MY FUCKING WINDOW! Oh my fucking God! There's fucking shit and glass all over the place! Where the fuck did that fucking come from!?! Oh my God! I gotta clean all this shit up! What the fuck, man?!

    • His thinking-out-loud speculation of the Death Star being a giant disco ball preceded by a giant dance floor in the middle of space and threatening to bring back disco is pretty darn funny.
  • The Nerd playing Gyromite with R.O.B., with R.O.B. being the human player and the Nerd being the robot.
    • When R.O.B. says that he requires a gyro to play, The Nerd makes him an actual gyro sandwich.
  • In his A Nightmare on Elm Street review, he clones himself. He and his 3 clones debate what to do to the game, finally deciding to defecate on it.

Clone: I don't gotta take a shit, you gotta take a shit?
Other Clone: I gotta take a shit!
Nerd: Then take that shit!

    • Also, this scene with the clones.

Nerd: "To hell with that shit!"
Clone 1: "To hell with that...damn shit!"
Clone 2: "To hell with that damn...fuckin' shit!"
Clone 3: "...To hell with that goddamn motherfuckin' bullshit!"
Clone 2: "...Relax."

    • The Nerd describing how Badass the main character is for defeating spiders and snakes by simply punching them. You can hear him trying to control laughter while calling them "Assholes".

AVGN: Spiders! (Shows spider plush) PUNCH 'EM! (Does so, complete with sound effects) Snakes! Oh, you want some too? (beats toy snake down to the ground)

    • Later, when Freddy cuts a Nerd clone to pieces, he is somehow able to flip him off with his severed hand.
  • From the Die Hard review.

AVGN: And officer Carl Winslow keeps talking to me, then the police car blows up, I'm like 'Well, what does this have to do with anything?', then Steve Urkel comes on and I'm like, 'What the fuck?!'

    • It's particularly funny for the Actor Allusion, since Reginald VelJohnson plays Al Powell in the Die Hard series and Carl Winslow in Family Matters, explaining the subsequent Urkel pop-up.
    • "There's guys coming out of every corner, there's guys coming out of the elevator, there's guys coming out of your ass..." which is immediately followed by an enemy sprite coming out of McClane's ass.
  • From his Spielberg Games review:

AVGN: [Checking through his box of Spielberg Games] "Super Schindler's List 3D?! Nah, just kidding."

  • James' outtakes for the Crazy Castle review, in which he, and everybody around him, simply cannot stop laughing at the lines that he himself wrote. Doubles as a Moment of Awesome when he finally says the line in one take at the end.

"Alright. That's it. I'm done with this game. I'd rather press my face against a hippopotamus's butt while its muck spreads! That's when a hippo takes a shit: rather than allowing the shit to drop from its anus, it presses its tail against its ass crack, waving it back and forth, shredding the shit all over the place! That's as much fun as this game is, like putting a turd in a fan or a band saw. You just don't do it!"

  • During his Accessories review, he tries the Roll & Rocker without much success. Then he mentions that he's heard you have to weigh less than a hundred pounds to use it.

"Let's try the cat, get on there, ya little bastard."
[The cat stands on the Roll & Rocker and makes it wobble a little, then climbs off and starts sniffing a cable]
"Cat's like 'Fuck that shit!'"

  • The Nerd's face as he flies into battle with R.O.B. Also doubles as a Moment of Awesome when he curbstomps the robot.
  • When he went ballistic at the end of the Moonwalker review. Though, not as funny as...
  • I'm surprised there are no mentions of his review of the Wizard Of Oz SNES game. Mike's as the Cowardly Lion was just comic gold.
    • I'm surprised James was able to finish the video considering how much he laughs during the outtakes. I would've died.
  • TMNT Tournament Fighters Challenge. James and Mike play a bit of the game with high stakes. The winner gets to watch the first TMNT movie, the loser has to watch the awful "Turtle Tunes". The ending is what makes it, Mike gets so tired of the video, that he stops it and starts playing Super Metroid. James finds out and tells him if he doesn't finish it, he'll have to watch Turtle Tunes three times, plus We Wish You a Turtles Christmas, the third movie, and the Coming Out Of Their Shells Tour.
  • The Nerd always growling and cussing through the whole Sunday Funday video game, especially when the skateboarder is forced to jump off a ledge after the Nerd realizes he forgot the balloon and can't go back for it; and when he keeps dying on the whole springs ordeal in the sewers.
    • Also, when the Nerd realizes that "The Ride" is actually a sing-along to the (digitized) 4Him song rather than the "playable" game.
  • Kyle Justin as Spider-Man, during the Nerd's review on Spider-Man games. Spider-Man's reaction to the Atari 2600 Spider-Man game: "THIS GAME SUCKS MY SPIDER-BALLS!" The Spider-Man parody song also deserves a mention:

Spider-Man, Spider-Man
Takes a dump in a coffee can.
Plays some games, with a grudge,
Gonna shit out some anal fudge.
Look out, here come some shitty games.
Alcohol is his power source,
Takes a piss like a drunken horse.
Climbs a wall, then he falls;
This game sucks his spider-balls.

Oh no, he's playing the shitty games.

When he plays his games, he feels so ashamed.

He shoots webs from his wrist, but now Spider-Man's fucking pissed.

Angry Nerd, Angry Nerd

Rather suck on a frozen turd.

Or eat some crap, from a moose.

Gonna chug down some poopie juice.

These games are such a great big fuck-up,

They make you want to throw up,

All over Spider-Man.

  • Four words: Ninja Baseball Bat Man.
  • In the Swordquest episode, AVGN comments on the game's Earthworld part about hearing an explosion sound every time you go through a door. His playing the game and jumping back at each "explosion" going through a door is priceless!
  • At the end of his Kid Kool review, the Nerd throws the cartridge over his shoulder, it lands in the garbage, and when he hears it, he looks back, then looks at the camera in surprise, as if James himself didn't actually intend for it to land in there.
  • The Deadly Towers review. Full stop. At the end, he goes into a tirade of scatological metaphors that simply have to be heard to be believed.
    • The part where he swears in German.
  • The Halloween review. Early on, the Nerd runs into two trick-or-treaters, takes their bag, and defecates into it.

AVGN: It's not chocolate, nor is it poop, it's shit!

    • Later, the Nerd goes to babysit at their house:

Kids: IT'S THE POOPIE MAN!

  • In the X-Men review, although it wasn't as funny as the other reviews, this troper just can't stop laughing from that one line.

AVGN: Sorry to burst your bubbles, huh-huh!

  • The Nerd's theory about how Super Mario Bros. 3 is possessed. The way that he starts off really calm and gets more and more panicky as it goes on is priceless.
  • The first episode was much less elaborate than later episodes. However, it still has some funny moments. The Nerd reviews Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest. James' first words as the Nerd character? "This game sucks!"
    • His complaining about the box that pops up during the day-to-night transitions was also quite funny.
    • "The ending sucks too."
  • The parody of one Christmas Songs, "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town":

He's playing some games, the worst he recalls.
He's gonna find out which ones suck the most balls.
The Angry Video Game Nerd is here!
Oh, he's making a list, and checking it twice,
He's gonna go home and eat chicken and rice.
The Angry Video Game Nerd is here!
He hates the games that stink;
He knows which games to break.
He just might even hate them all,
'Cause he's mad for fuckin' sake!
You'd better watch out, don't give these games a try;
You'd better not play 'em, he's telling you why.
The Angry Video Game Nerd is here!

  • In the third Bible Games review, the Nerd plays some minigames in The King James Version for archaic words that are in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe. At one time, he types in the word "ASS", and there is a whole bunch of the KJV Bible passages with the word "ass", some of them Double Entendres, including the words "dumb ass". Even the Nerd breaks down in laughter, and then says that he's "going to hell" for this.
    • In Adam and Eve, he finds the game that is not the same as a Biblical story of Adam and Eve, instead about people floating in balloons fighting worms and eating the supposed "forbidden fruits" called apples! "What were they thinking?!"
    • When he plays "Flight to Egypt" for a second time, he picks up one trivia question scroll that has a fill-in-the-blank for Luke 10:18 (KJV), and says that anyone who's seen the film Street Fighter should know the answer for that passage![1]
  • A few funny parts in the review for The Wizard of Oz:

"Let's start off with the enemy run-down. We got bloodthirsty bluebirds, frogs, chattering teeth, pink soldiers, some weird-looking dude, flying elephants, which are supposed to be monkeys, a blobby blue guy, and killer chairs! Is this The Wizard of Oz or Pee-wee's Playhouse?!?! Then, there's all these buzzsaws. Kinda violent, don't you think? Everything imaginable wants you dead. Even water faucets coming out of trees. Even the hands of a clock can kill you!" *pulls out a clock* "OH, GOD! HERE IT IS!!! WATCH OUT FOR THE CLOCK!!!" *gets himself hit*

  • The part of his Dark Castle review when he dramatically pulls out the CD-i version of the game.
    • Then the ending where he chains the Genesis cart and the CD-i disc to the wall and whips them like the torturer in the former version.
  • His review of Silver Surfer:

"It's like, you touch the top of the building, you die. You touch the ceiling, you die. You touch the floor, you die. Too far to the right, you die. Too far to the left, you die. You die, you die, you die. Diediediediediediediediediediediediedie DIE!"

  • cue the Nerd mimicking Silver Surfer's defeated pose* "Oh God, I can't fucking stand it..."
  • This outtakes video. Seeing the Nerd go through his famous ASS! scene in different pitches is hysterical.
  • His Spielberg games review is a good one, but the highlight was his completely dumbfounded reaction to the Nedry character from the 3D0 Jurassic Park game wearing a tutu and angel wings with overalls in one icon.
  • While taking time off from the regular videos to film his movie, James created a series of videos in which he answered fan messages from his Youtube page. Probably the most hilarious of all of them was one particular message from this video from a blogger who runs the "Fight Hard Blog." Incredibly funny all the way through, but the best part was the last sentence, which read, "Live like a windrammer as you fuck." James laughed himself silly at this one.
  • In his review of Friday the 13 th, the game's dark game over screen prompts to come up with an idea for the theoretical sequel's game over screen. The results? This:

You're dead. Your friends are dead. Your family's dead. Your fucking pets are being skinned alive. Your Mom's a fucking whore. You suck at life. The whole world hates you. You're going to hell. Deal with it. Game Over.

    • In an underrated moment, when the Nerd is trying to open the door, we see him undo the lock on the doorknob, then the lock above it. He then starts to open it...when it turns out there's still a latch on the door.
  • His review of the Atari Jaguar sees him playing Attack Of The Mutant Penguins, which he describes as the weirdest game he's ever played.

"I mean it's not bad if you're drunk or high or something, but how'd they come up with this shit?! I got it, I can come up with a game like this, how about...you're a shark, and you gotta shake palm trees 'til trains fall down, and you put the trains in an apple, and then turkeys come and eat the apples, and then...the turkeys go up waterfalls, and to get them down you have to collect monkey butts, so you drop the monkey butts on power lines, and then..."
[He trails off and mimes his head exploding from the sheer insanity of it all]

Back to The Angry Video Game Nerd
  1. ↑ though, of course, M. Bison actually quoted it from Paradise Lost
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