< Slowbeef

Slowbeef/Funny

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Funny moments from Retsupurae can be found here.

Ridley

  • The Omega Ridley boss fight in Metroid Prime 3. 29 minutes of interpreting Ridley's erratic battle movements, to the point that slowbeef is crying with laughter.
  • Hell, anything involving Ridley.

"Don't shoot me in the mouth! Whatever you do, that's my least vulnerable spot! My wings... remember how they burned off? Hit 'em... are you scannin' me in freefall now? How do you even do that? Wait... are we readin'? Come on!"

  • Caption: --One month later--

"I'm still fallin'!"

  • And when they get to the Omega Ridley fight:

"Well, it's about time! I just finished fallin'! This is where that tunnel let out! Your timin' is poifect!"

    • During the fight:

Slowbeef: Ridley, are you an idiot?!
"Ridley": I just got back from a...night out. Sorry. You got some, like, space-asprin, or something? Just time-out for a minute!

  • From the Ridley X fight in Fusion:

Peekaboo! Now I look disgustin'! Canonically, I died two games ago!

    • And later, when they talk about rewards for beating Ridley:

Diabetus: No, you just get an Energy Tank for beating him off.

"Ridley": Uhhh...I don't quite remember that. Is that canon? Let's just go back to the 'me falling forever' canon.

  • And when the whole thing suddenly inverts on itself.

"Ridley": Aw shit, you learned my one ace in the hole! Damn you, Sammy!
Diabetus: I wish Ridley would call Samus "Sammy".
Slowbeef: He doesn't really talk, though. That's something we did!
Diabetus: ...oh no, I can't tell the two apart anymore!

  • Ridley's Resort. An all-inclusive casino/hotel/resort, run by Ridley.

It's a vacation!

  • "I was designed at 4:00 AM! It's called crunch time! My original name was Procrastination Ridley!"
  • He explodes at Amorbis in Echoes, complete with a rant about how the franchise plummets when he's not around.
  • Ridley's stunned and vulnerable animation (standing while waving his arms around) caused many a busted gut. Diabetus likened it to Ridley being excited on Christmas morning and frantically opening his presents.

"Ooga booga, I'm Ridley, are you scared?!"
"WUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAUUUUUHHHHHHHH!"
"You got me Metroid Prime? FUCK YOU!"

  • Ridley outright insulting Kinect and Move (though it's less about bad or gimmicky design and more about being incompatible with his wingspan), before culminating in pointing out every flaw in the game of Heavy Rain, including how Detective Scott Shelby couldn't possibly have laid out the glass shards in the tunnel during the Butterfly trial, given that even Ethan could hardly fit inside himself, and the implausibility of a poison that works in exactly 60 minutes. Subverted, since what Ethan drinks isn't poison at all...
  • "Stay tuned for Shit Ridley Says!"
    • Ridley's spinning fire breath and simultaneous energy tail, or as Ridley says, "This is from my Vegas show, Samus! Tell me whatcha think!" It segues into a discussion on magicians, and into "Penn, Teller and Ridley"

"Phazon corruption is bullshit!"

"Let's go to David Copperfield with the weather..."

"Instead of zombies, when you get bit you turn into a Ridley."
"Oh no."
"WUUUUAAAAAHHHHHH!!"
"And everyone's doing that, and the whole world gets very annoyed."

  • And from that fight to the end of the LP, the Ridley voice, jokes and craziness continue.
  • Even though Ridley is nowhere to be found in Metroid Prime 2 multiplayer, he still manages to make himself heard:

"Now take all the bounty, Samus! Listen, did you find that coin chest yet, 'cause seriously, it's really bothering me!"

Metroid Prime

  • Meta-example: slowbeef proudly proclaiming his intent to scan the hell out of everything at the beginning... and missing the only pirate lore on the frigate.
    • All of slowbeef's early scanning counts, especially his complaints about the enemy names being unoriginal.

Diabetus: Can you scan it?
Slowbeef: Hey, wait. Oh God, I can?
Diabetus: I knew it.
Slowbeef: 'Tangle Weed'. Shut up. Tangle weed, what the fuck is that?
Diabetus: Whatever biologist explored Tallon IV is the least creative person I've ever seen.

Slowbeef: Oh, wow, this is absolutely breathtaking--flying pirates HERE?! UNDERWATER?!

  • The aptly named "Trainwreck with Khad/Toffile." Especially when slowbeef blows his stack against Khad about halfway through the video.
  • The microphone picking up Diabetus taking a piss.

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes

slowbeef: The problem with Khad is the minute he starts IMing you, it's like cancer or something where it doesn't really stop. But you just can't get rid of him then. And if you ignore him, it somehow just spurs him on even worse. Wait... "The Age of Anxiety".

  • Slowbeef's reaction to the Kinetic Orb Cannon:

slowbeef: What...WHAT?! Wait a-wait a minute, WHAT?!...WHAT? What, but why-but why w-...That's the-that's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard!
Vicas: You never know when you're gonna need to shoot Kinetic Orbs around.

Slowbeef: This is going to be a long fight just because I'm stupid!

    • The Grapple Guardian disgusted him so much he spent the next two videos pissed off at everything. It's absolutely hilarious, especially when he gets to Chykka.
  • Diabetus and slowbeef doing multiplayer. All of it.

Diabetus: This music is awful.
slowbeef: *laughing* It really is!
Both: *nasal wail* Waaa, waa, waa waa waa waa waaaa metroid!
Diabetus: Sounds like Nathan Lane singing about Metroid.

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption

  • Samus takes an... alternate path to return to her ship when the GFS Olympus is attacked.

Slowbeef: "Air Lock Cycling". ...oh! Air lock?

Diabetus: Oh yeah, you're fucked.

(Samus is blown out into space)

Slowbeef: Uhhh... why did we do that?

    • When it works, slowbeef rants incredulously about how Samus couldn't have possibly expected that to work.
  • The whole argument about Diabetus telling Slowbeef that he's going the wrong way in episode 14.
  • Half of the entire LP consists of Take Thats against Other M. The funny parts are when they mock Sakamoto, though, which reaches its climax when slowbeef purposely mistranslates his developer's message in the beginning of Episode 13:

Translation: Hello, this is Yoshio Sakamoto! It's not easy writing stories for Metroid... considering my functional illiteracy. Honestly, I don't really like Samus, and I don't want you to like her, either. I hate her and feel threatened by her. I will ruin this franchise. I'm just coming out and telling you. Fuck Metroid and fuck you.

    • There's also their impressions of Sakamoto whining about Metroid's story, in a baby voice.

Slowbeef: "Samus is a girl, therefore she cwies!"
Diabetus: "Samus wants authowization!"
Slowbeef: "Men want to do her job!"
Diabetus: "Tha's what women do!"
Slowbeef: "You can't go in the last area, you're a woman!"

    • "Samus is scared of Widley!" "Widley." "Widley."
  • They quickly grow tired of the tendency for every boss in the game to have a Shockwave Stomp. It culminates with Omega Ridley asking if his use of the move is original.
  • As a phazite door slams down infront of Samus when hse's infiltrating the Pirate homeworld, Diabetus takes the time to lampshade the poorly hidden excuse for backtracking.
  • SLAM*

"FUCK YOU"

Metroid Fusion

  • Diabetus struggling through PYR, while Slowbeef mocks him for constantly falling down the same crackle block every time.
  • Diabetus flipping out in the NOC sector every time he sees a blue X virus, while slowbeef watches to his amusement.

Diabetus: I think I'm gonna wait until I downloAAAAAGH!

Diabetus: What the fuck?! Are you kidding me?
Slowbeef: *cracking up* I forgot all about that!!
Diabetus: Really? An evil missile tank?

    • The last few minutes of the video, where the pair have an inane argument about semantics.
  • Diabetus forgetting to save after Yakuza and losing progress.

Slowbeef: When was the last time you saved?

  • Game loads, clearly before the fight*

Both: Uhhhhhh...
*Video cuts to a test pattern*

    • In the next video, Diabetus fights through That One Level with slowbeef alternating between mocking him and insisting they're gonna edit stuff out, right down to Diabetus doing introductions every time he dies and restarts. Bonus points for a few well-placed Description Cuts to his off-screen rematch with Yakuza.

Super Metroid Justin Bailey Hack

  • The entire first video; Slowbeef initially starts out unimpressed, but as he plays more, he goes into a state of shock over how horrifying it is that someone made this.

Dead To Rights

  • The Dead to Rights LP and its subsequent remake are both good, but a few moments do stand out, such as the prison with its cigarette-bartering system and Fahook's plane.
  • In the LP of the remake, they crack up during the 'bonding' father-son boxing match and then explore Jack's motivations. "Look Dad, I broke this guy's neck _and_ electrocuted him to death! *disturbed gleeful cackle* See, I don't need therapy!"
  • "I'M STUCK IN A CUTSCENE! WHY-HY-HYYYY!?!"
  • During the drowning scene in which slowbeef has to repeatedly mash buttons to keep Jack from drowning:

slowbeef: What really sucks is if you fuck this up, it's just game over, but also your hand is pretty tired from masturba--I mean, from hitting the buttons.

  • From the remake: "Oh boy, Tseng's coked up and he knows kung fu." What really sells it is the completely blasé way Slowbeef says it.
  • Also from the remake, Slowbeef and Diabetus make fun of a moment detailing the games Artificial Stupidity When Shadow runs straight past a guard who simply keeps on walking.

Diabetus (as guard): Oh, hey. A dog. Alright.
Diabteus (as the guard watches Shadow tearing another guard apart): Tough day Steve?

  • In this one room in the last level of Retribution, the enemies stop firing at Jack Slate, and start trying to just run past him. Slowbeef and Diabetus theorize that they are on the hospital's gym.

Snatcher (Video LP)

  • The comments on how important words are always capitalized in conversations.

Slowbeef: Why? Are you looking for SNATCHERS?!?
Diabetus: (Whispering) Keep your voice down. Of course I'm looking for (shouting) SNATCHERS!

  • After repeatedly handing over large sums of money to Napoleon in exchange for information, the duo spends the next 5 minutes commenting on Gillian's negotiation skills.

Slowbeef: Here are my car keys and my gun.
Diabetus: Take the Turbo Cruiser. Do you want Metal Gear?
after a few minutes, Slowbeef tries giving Napoleon cash only for Metal Gear to comment that they don't need any more information
Slowbeef: Oh look, Metal Gear stopped him.
Diabetus: Thank Metal Gear. Give Metal Gear all your cash.

Golgo 13

  • This comment on the stealth bombers;

Dave_O: The pilots of this are really stupid. You know, it's like "There's some dude flying behind us, shooting the hell out of the plane." "Just keep flying straight, he'll go away."
Slowbeef: "Haha. Fuck him!"
Dave_O: "Forget about 'im. Look, he's wearing a motorcycle helmet. What could he do?"

  • In the first episode, Slowbeef gets caught LPing at work by his boss, who joins in the LP.
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