Of Warlords and Pleasures

There was uproar from the staff.
“Well, I don't know where this person learned biology, but last I checked mice don't-”
“-my brother of all creatures-”
“-at least you only ended up with one sibling-”
“-at least you don't have any offspring-”
“-at least yours was physically possible-”
“-thinks I wouldn't save a child, did they somehow miss me saving Felch when I don't even like him much-”
“-can't even keep my species straight-”
“-dizguzting fluffy warm-blooded thingz, they're only good for food-”
“-tried to get me pregnant, then make me cry, I don't know which is worse-”
“-damage the merchandise like that, Malkariss would have my hide-”
“-four thousand times-”

“-right on the bloody walltop!”
The Official Fanfiction University of Redwall, when the canon characters learn of this.

You got Brain Bleach? Yes? Okay, here goes. Of Warlords and Pleasures is a notorious series of smutfics about the Big Bads of various Redwall novels. In chronological order:

  • Of Warlords and Pleasures: Tsarmina Greeneyes: Tsarmina has sex with her brother Gingivere.
  • Of Warlords and Pleasures: Swartt Sixclaw: Swartt and Bluefen.
  • Of Warlords and Pleasures: Gabool the Wild: Gabool makes Mariel his sex slave.
  • Among the Roses: Mariel talks Dandin into giving her healing sex.
  • Of Warlords and Pleasures: Urgan Nagru the Foxwolf: Urgan's relationship with Silvamord (who now has serious Gag Boobs) suddenly improves to the point where they are willing to have sex. Then they have sex with random horderats.
  • Of Warlords and Pleasures: Ferahgo The Assassin: Ferahgo and Klitch have sex while all four-to-five thousand Corpsemakers rape Mara and Pikkle.
  • Of Warlords and Pleasures: Cluny The Scourge: Cluny does horrible things to Redtooth, and this turns Matthias and Cornflower on so much they get it on on the walltop. Also known as The Cluny Fic.
  • Of Warlords and Pleasures: Slagar the Cruel: Slagar gets the children to have sex.
  • Of Warlords and Pleasures: Ublaz Mad Eyes: Ublaz hypnotizes Grath Longfletch into sleeping with him. Then the Monitors rape her.
  • Of Warlords and Pleasures: Damug Warfang: Warfang castrates an advisor, Sneezewort and Lousewort get reversed, and Cregga has sex with a Marty Stu named Bladestripe.
  • Of Warlords and Pleasures: Queen Silth's Brood, the Marlfoxes: Five of the Marlfoxes get it on with each other. Mokkan does a random Mary Sue.
  • Of Warlords and Pleasures: Sawney Rath: Sawney molests his uncanonical daughter (Enfante Terrible Molly Rath). Meanwhile, Tagg tries to get a Mary Sue pregnant with the next Taggerung.
  • Of Warlords and Pleasures: Princess Kurda: Squirrels, Swords, and Snatches: Kurda Really Gets Around and has sex with Triss and a guard at the same time.
  • Of Warlords and Pleasures: Princess Kurda: Plugg Firetail rapes Kurda -- but Rape Is Love to Kurda.
  • Of Warlords and Pleasures: Gulo the Savage: Gulo rapes Armel and Brooky.

The Protectors of the Plot Continuum had a field day with this series.


Tropes used in Of Warlords and Pleasures include:
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