Liar Liar/Funny

• "The pen is blue! The pen is blue! The goddamn pen is blue!".
  • "Write it! Write it or I'll break it off!"
• "I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and Speeediiing!!
• "It was Meeee!"
• The roast of the board.

Mr. Allen: I like your style, Reede! That's just what this stuffy company needs - a little irreverence!
Fletcher: Good! I'll see you later - DICKHEAD!

• Fletcher's fight with himself in the bathroom; if nothing else, for this exchange:

Judge: Who did this?
Fletcher: A MADMAN, your honor! A desperate fool at the end of his pitiful rope!

Judge: What did he look like?

Fletcher: (Beat) About 6'2, 180 pounds, big teeth, kind of gangly.

• • In middle of the said self-inflicted beatdown, when another man walks on him:

Man: What the hell are you doing?!
Fletcher: I'm kicking my AAAAASS! DO YOU MIND?!

• "STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLE!"
  • Some people cheered in the theater when this line was delivered - a sore point re: the practice of law?
• This exchange:

Fletcher: Your honor, I object!
Judge: Why?
Fletcher: Because it is devastating to my case!
Judge: Overruled.
Fletcher: Good call!

• "Some idiot's hijacked a flight of stairs!" Not a statement you hear very often...
• From the bloopers:

Fletcher: (approaching witness with paper) Mrs. Cole (crumples up paper) A goose!!

• "The fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew-- IS IRRELEVANT."
• "Short, shriveled and always to the left!"
• "Thats because you have big jugs! I mean your boobs are huge! I mean, I want to squeeze them....mama!" Cut to the next scene, where he's been punched in the face.
• Also, the sequence in the court where he keeps objecting to himself.
• HERE SHE COMES TO WRECK THE DAAAAAAAY !!!

"I object!"
"You would!"
"Over actor!"

"JEZ-E-BEL!"

—"Oh no! They're onto me!"

• This exchange:

Kenneth: So all we've got to do is lie, that seems simple enough.
Fletcher: DOESN'T IT?!

• Fletcher's secretary told him she's upset that her friend got sued by a burglar who got injured trying to break in. His lawyer got the guy a six thousand dollar settlement.

Greta: Is that justice?
Fletcher: No. (Beat) I'd have got him ten.

• "HOLY HELL!"