< Hellsing

Hellsing/Funny


  • Jan's Ax Crazy shooting rampage, and what he recites during this:

Jan: Up Up! Down Down! Left Right Left Right! Bringing the motherfucking death by Konami! (pause) Ah I'm so fucking hard right now.

  • For me it was his hilarious call in the TV series to Integra and the Round Table:

Jan: And while you're waiting for us to kill you, we highly recommend pissing yourself! Followed by a course of praying to your impotent God! Then cowering in the corner and begging--always good--BUT IF YOU ACT NOW!--there's still time for an old-fashioned SUICIDE! Thank you London! We love you! Good night!

Jan: Come out and play little Hellsing. I promise its gonna be a lot of fun. We just want to torture you, kill you, maybe skullfuck your corpse a couple of times, burn the house to the ground, go home and masturbate okayyyyy.

    • From the same episode:

(Seras has just snuck up behind Jan and forced him down in a restraint hold, causing much complaint.)
Walter: Where did you learn that submission technique?
Seras: (over Jan's complaining) I AM a former police girl...

      • Meanwhile Jan is complaining about how he's supposed to be on top.
  • Speaking of the Valantine Brothers, at the end of every manga volume (except the first one) there are special comics depicting hilarious moments with them, like when they did a countdown for most popular Hellsing Character. They even put in characters that were never in Hellsing!
  • "Well! Just try and stop us, you self-proclaimed normal people!"
  • Willis Space. That is all.
    • Not to mention the Harokken spirit talking to Seras Victoria.
  • "As a vampire, you were just a pathetic piece of shit. Now you're nothing but dog shit."
  • Seras defusing a potential brawl in the museum between Alucard and Anderson by guiding a tour group of Japanese tourists right past them ("Kochi desu yo!"). Alucard and Anderson just stand totally still, weapons drawn, as the tourists walk past, then:

Alucard: This is neither the time nor the place for a battle.
Anderson: Yeah, you may have a point there.

  • both turn to leave*

Alucard: I'm leaving. Getting up in the daytime is so draining...
Anderson: (with a very kind smile) I must say this is an excellent museum. Perhaps next time I could bring some children from the orphanage?

    • In the manga, at least, the tourists are the "North Kasukabe Elderly Society" and mistake them for museum exhibits.

Elderly tourist: Ehh? Now why d'you suppose this priest has them sword-thingies?
Elderly tourist #2: Oh, I'll bet this is that "avant-garde" stuff! My grandkids love it.
Imamura: I tell ya, when I was in Manchuria, we sure didn't have any guns like that!

Elderly tourist #3: Good grief, Imamura's started going on about Manchuria again...?

  • That entire scene is hilarious. The entire cast try and out-ham each other. Comedy gold.
  • Anderson and Alucard's dramatic brawl near the beginning of the fourth OVA.
  • The manga, volume 11, Seras posing in red hat and coat: "Look! I'm imitating master!"
  • Schrodinger losing his copy of the mission briefing, having to read over the Captain's shoulder, and looking completely adorable.
  • The Wild Geese meeting Seras and Alucard for the first time. Hilarity ensues.
  • While sealed in her coffin during Volume 3, Seras has a vision of the spirit of the Harkonnen, who promises to support her and answer her questions:

Seras: O-okay, Mr. Spirit. There's just one thing I want to ask you! Everything's in the pits. Is the rest of my life going to be this unhappy?
Harkonnen: ... more or less.

    • Plus there's also that part of volume 2/OVA episode 2 with Seras snapping over the fact that, as a vampire, she would be sleeping in a coffin from now on. What really sent her screaming was how her normal bed was trashed and thrown away in favor of said coffin.
    • The scene where she has be locked in her coffin for the flight to Brazil (because apparently fledgling vampires can't survive crossing the ocean unprotected), screaming and yelling all the while until Alucard simply tells her to shut up. And she meekly does.
  • When one of the Major's subordinates expresses a desire to not go charging at Alucard's familiar army because it would needlessly sacrifice the lives of the troops, the Major pulls out a gun and shoots at the guy at point-blank range. And misses every shot, causing Doc to wonder how the Major got into the S.S. in the first place.
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