< Frasier

Frasier/Awesome


The Crane boys may be milquetoasts, but you can only push them so far before they snap in an awesome way:

  • The episode 'High Crane Drifter' has Frasier physically throw a rude customer out of a restaurant. This in itself is awesome, but then at the end of the episode, the man declares his intent to sue, leading Niles to mock him mercilessly for his cowardice. The man responds by touching Niles' shirt with his finger while warning him to shut up, and Niles reacts as though he's just been shoved incredibly hard, staggering around the cafe and collapsing onto a table. Frasier rushes over to see if he's okay, and what does Niles say? "Counter-suit."
  • In 'Radio Wars', Frasier is the victim of relentless shock-jock pranks. He decides to fight back by making a speech to them deriding their actions, which he gleefully describes as containing quotes from Mencken, Twain, La Rouchefoucauld, etc. Martin warns him that if he does that, they'll never leave him alone, and likens the situation to when Frasier and Niles, as children, used to run around in bowler hats pretending to be Steed from The Avengers, and thus marked themselves out as targets. Frasier opts to go ahead with the speech anyway, and when Roz gives him the same warning Martin did, he says this:

Frasier: Roz, I don't care. You know what, I think I've realized something: maybe you can't stop bullies from attacking you, but the only way they win is if you let them change who you are! And I'll tell you something, let them do their worst; not matter how hard they try, they will not knock the bowler off this head!
Roz: What does that even mean?!

  • Another episode has Frasier getting sold a painting that turns out to be a forgery. The gallery refuses to take it back, the police aren't interested, so Frasier decides to take matters into his own hands. He gets a brick, and late at night, goes to throw it through the gallery window, when Niles stops him, reminding him of a time in their youth when Frasier stopped him from putting sugar in the petrol tank of his Sadist Teacher's car. Frasier gives Niles the brick, impressed by Niles' nobility in not retaliating against his coach, even in spite of all the unpleasant nicknames he was called. Niles, however, didn't know there were nicknames, and throws the brick through the window himself, delivering the beautiful line:

I've struck a blow for justice! Nobody calls me peachfuzz!

  • Niles finally calling Mel out on all the misery she'd been putting him through.
    • He's less concerned about his own suffering, and more about Daphne's. The scene is also a brilliant rebuttal to the view espoused by Frasier's new butler in the episode that class is an insurmountable barrier, ultimately leading to said butler deciding to try to rekindle a mutual attraction with an upper class lady from his past.
  • Fraiser skipping a ceremony to honor him to help his depressed cab driver. Aww.
  • In the episode Can't tell a Crook by His Cover, Daphne beats up a criminal who trys to hit on her, hustles a guy out of at least $200, almost pots 6 pool balls in one shot, and then jams the doors shut with a pool cue, allowing her, Frasier and Niles to escape. She also takes the money that she'd bet on that shot as they run out.

Bebe: This cookie tastes like meat!
Daphne Moon: Yes, and it'll remove tartar and give you a nice, shiny coat!

  • After seeing Diane Chambers' Her Codename Was Mary Sue play about their relationship, the actor who plays his character Franklin questions his motivation:

I may be able to illuminate that for you. What you're feeling is that this woman has reached into your chest, plucked out your heart, and thrown it to her hellhounds for a chew toy! It's not the last time either, because that's what this woman is. She is the devil! It's no use running away from her, because no matter how far you go, how many years you let pass, you will never be completely out of reach of those bony fingers! So drink hearty, Franklin, and laugh, because you have made a pact with Beelzebub, and her name is Maryann! (walks out to wild applause)

  • Frasier driving through the barrier of a parking garage because they tried to charge him $4:00 even though he hadn't parked.
  • "Something Borrowed, Someone Blue".... period.
  • Frasier's farewell.

Frasier: "It may be that the gulfs will wash us down / It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles, / And though we are not now that strength which in old days / Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are / Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will / To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield." I’ve been thinking about that poem a lot lately. And I think what it says is that, while it’s tempting to play it safe, the more we’re willing to risk, the more alive we are. In the end, what we regret most are the chances we never took. And I hope that explains, at least a little, this journey on which I am about to embark. I have loved every minute with my KACL family, and all of you. For eleven years you've heard me say, "I’m listening." Well, you were listening too. And for that I am eternally grateful. Goodnight, Seattle.

    • Let's not leave out Frasier's toast in "And The Dish Ran Away With The Spoon", which was basically a covert Take That at Mel (to all but her, that is)

Frasier: Well, ah... Love...is an awesome force. It can make us do things we never imagined possible. For you see, we don't actually choose love, it chooses us. And once it has, we are powerless to do anything about it. Ladies and gentlemen, raise your glasses with me in toasting my brother... and the love of his life.

      • She knew exactly who it was about; the toast was for the benefit for everyone who wasn't aware of the complicated secret wedding / Runaway Bride / Niles and Daphne situation that Mel was spitefully forcing Niles to conceal; that's partly what makes it so awesome.
  • After a long week at work, Frasier is looking forward to a nice evening at home with his family and friends celebrating his father's birthday, only to find them all miserable and at each other's necks. After trying to get everyone to lay their problems aside from the night, he finally steps in and dolls out advice, the one thing he'd been hoping to avoid. Once everyone's feeling better, they hear word of another party and are about to step out. And Frasier gives this speech:

Frasier: "Excuse me! Just a second. I think maybe it's time for a little lesson about what it's like to live the life of this particular party pooper. I spend the whole damn week ministering to the troubled and the neurotic and the sometimes just plain goofy. Then I hang up my earphones and it doesn't end there. Out on the street, at the café, even in this building – more people come up for help, more problems. I suppose they just think it's OK, it's what I do. But every time I try to help them it costs me a little piece of myself. A little bit here, a little bit there, a little bit here, a little bit there... until I end up feeling like a zebra carcass on the Serengeti surrounded by burping vultures! Well, this happened to be one of those weeks. I had my escape planned. I was going to come home for an evening of fun with my extended family. What do I get? I get the four of you going at each other like the Borgias on a bad day! So I roll up my sleeves, and I tend to each one of you. And you all feel better. And the minute you get a whiff of mesquite coming from down below, you are out the door without so much as a “thank you.” Well, thank you for the invitation, but I am, frankly, fed up with people and their problems. The Doctor is out."

  • In Frasier-Lite, Frasier finds out than one member of the team his own team are competing against is a former childhood bully of his, who once stole a chess set than belonged to him. The bully makes a deal in which if Frasier wins, the bully will buy him a new chess set. If the bully wins, Frasier has to wear a skirt on T.V. As they prepare to shake on the deal, the bully yanks his hand away, yelling "psyche". Once Frasier's team finally win, the bully grudginly asks where he needs to go to get the chess set.

Frasier: Tell them you were sent by Doctor Frasier Crane. (holds out his hand, but yanks it away before the bully can shake it) PSYCH...CHIATRIST!

  • Martin got one in "Bad Dog", in which, after Fraiser spends days trying to expose Bulldog for the fraud he is after accidently preventing a gunman from harming people, Martin exposes him in a matter of seconds simply by shoting "Hey Bulldog, THAT MAN'S GOT A GUN" in front of the groud of people honouring him for his "heroic act", causing Bulldog to use his OWN MOTHER as a human shield. The crowd see through what happened before and turn on Bulldog.
    • Made better by His line:"I'm not a Hero,I just wanted You to shut up"
  • Niles gets one in Season Nine when, upon deciding to marry Daphne, he travels all the way to Manchester and tracks down her father Harry, whom he wants to reconcile with Gertrude. Harry tosses him out five times and Niles marches back in each and every time.
  • Another contender for Martin's CMOA is at the end of the episode where Niles and Daphne have a spur-of-the-moment isolated wedding, followed by several staged weddings so no one's feelings are hurt for missing the real one, with different people "in" on each layer of deceit. In the end, the truth is revealed that they all missed the real wedding, and everyone bickers about it, except Martin, who says "I just have one question. If you two are already married, why aren't you on your honeymoon?"
    • Made better by the fact Daphne calls him "Dad" for the first time.
  • Niles gets a surprising number of these throughout the series, with a very notable one being in the episode "Murder Most Maris". After having killed her boyfriend and been arrested, Maris once again twists Niles into assisting her, much to Daphne's anguish. Having suffered a panic attack at Cafe Nervosa, Niles receives another call from Maris - and Niles finally loses it and solidly rebuffs her ("Of course you're alone, Maris. You're alone because you killed your boyfriend!") before laying it down to her that Daphne comes first. Notable especially because it's the first time Niles stands up to Maris in such a way. This could almost qualify as a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming from Daphne's perspective, come to think of it.
    • But then he smacks down Daphne, Martin and Frasier in succeeding order.
  • When Frasier finds out Niles and Roz were pretending to be on a date to try to break up Daphne and Donnie - and the plan fails miserably - he says to the both of them, "Oh, and by the way" and blows on his duck call as a marvelous Take That.
  • Niles FINALLY being able to get one over on Maris, when he and Donny discover that her family made their money through urinal cakes rather than through lumber. Niles' "Hellooooooooo Maris!" (she's in the middle of a week-long vow of silence) as he reclines and puts his feet up on Donny's desk is fantastic.
  • Niles sinking a half-court shot at a Sonics game. Sure, he does it granny style, and it's nothing but incredible luck, but the fact remains that no one saw that coming.
  • New station owner and multimedia tycoon Big Willy Boon implies there might be a syndication deal in it for Frasier if Frasier can get Willy's fiancee to quit smoking in three weeks. Said fiancee is Bebe. And after three weeks of hell, Frasier finally finds a method that works.

Frasier: For God's sake... I don't care anymore. You know, I can't help you, nobody can. You want to ruin it for both of us? Here, go ahead, knock yourself out. I only wish I could be there when it happens.
Bebe: When what happens?
Frasier: When you see that newspaper headline: "Big Willy Boone, Millionaire, Dead." Oh, how I wish I could be there when you watch the funeral on the news. Watch the casket being slipped into the ground. Only, you won't be watching that. No, no, you'll be watching... the widow Boone. Tiffany, perhaps. Oh no, better yet, "Kelli" - with an "I"!
Bebe: Stop it!

Frasier: You'll picture her wearing YOUR jewels, sailing in YOUR yachts, sleeping with YOUR gigolos - but, oh, you won't be sad, no, no, no! [chuckles] Because you'll have your cigarette.

(Bebe looks horrified at her cigarette)

Frasier: Yeah! Clutched in your nicotine-stained teeth, smoke whirling about your once-pretty, now creased, leathery, smoke-ravaged...

Bebe: Enough! (gives the cigerettes to Frasier) You are one hell of a therapist.
 

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