Death Note Abridged (Dogface 701)/Funny
Light: ...the only way this day could get any worse is if an evil notebook fell from the sky!
- Death God Ryuk does his part to save the planet:"Oh, great idea, waste a whole sheet of paper on one name. Way to save the environment! Do you know how much paper costs in the Shinigami Realm... A LOT because there are no f_ing trees!"
- Light bonds with his little sister:
Light: ...and that, Sayu, is how I kill people.
Sayu: Awesome! Can I have a death note too?
Light: No, you ignorant child. And if you ever get kidnapped by a gay blonde man, I will kill you.
- "If anyone attempts to force the drawer open it ignites the C-4 under the desk which sets off the atom bomb under the house killing everyone within a 50 mile radius."
- Stalked by the F.B.I.:
Ryuk: Hey Light, there's this big, ugly, scary lookin' guy following you.
Light: Ryuk, for the last time I know you're there!
Ryuk: No, not me!
Light: Oh. A rapist?
- [+ "DON'T WORRY I HAVE A PLAN!!!"+ ]
- Ryuk's Lampshade Hanging: "But hey, be sure to stand there and gloat while he's dying, because surely there are no surveillance cameras IN A PUBLIC SUBWAY!"
- Somebody Else's Problem:
Raye Penber: I'm dying! Somebody help me!
Random Pedestrian 1: Shut up Emo!
Random Pedestrian 2: We have problems too, you know.
- Poor Light...
Ryuk: Say, whatever happened to that Yuri chick you were dating?
[Post-traumatic flashback of Domestic Abuse]
Yuri: FLOWERS... AND NO CHOCOLATE?!!! [/end flashback]
Ryuk: Did you just piss yourself?
Light: Shut up, Ryuk! At least I like women!
Light: It's important that I not let her find out anything that could link to me being Kira... Hi, I'm Light Yagami, the one your fiancé was investigating. I murdered him in cold blood! Right in front of everybody and no one cared enough to help him...
Naomi: * crying* I did my best! I did my best!
Light: Ryuk, I don't get it. I didn't even write her name down yet.
Ryuk: That was the most f__ed up thing I've ever seen-and I'm a Death God!