Dawn of War/Funny

• In Dawn of War II the Space marine team starts conjecturing that the Tyranids intend to assimilate the DNA of humans and, in particular, of the team's Big Guy and Blood Knight Sgt. Avitus.

Avitus: "Hmph, burn my corpse if I go down I say."
Tarkus: "Hah! I do not think that even the Hive Mind could process DNA as stubborn and mean spirited as yours."
Cyrus: "Emperor protect us if they find a way. I doubt the Imperium could survive Avitus in Tyranid form."

• A few Ork quotes, both from Winter Assault:

Nob: "What yew gitz doin? FIGHT! Dey ain't dead 'till I sez they dead..." (Squiggoth escapes) "'Oo dat rumblin'?"
Squiggoth:(eats Nob) OM NOM NOM!

(After Gorgutz crash lands)
Gorgutz: "I don't care if the flyer boyz dead. Find me another flyer boy so I can KILL HIM INSTEAD!!!"

• • Also from Winter Assault, I dare you not to laugh at Gorgutz and Lord Crull's Ham-to-Ham Combat.
  • In Dark Crusade.

(After Gorgutz kills Commissar Gebbet)
Gorgutz: "I liked that commissar's 'at, to' bad it blew up with his head!"

• • The small exchange in Dawn of War II between your Space Marines after the defense of an Imperial shrine from the Orks:

Tarkus: "We taught those Orks to kneel in the Emperor's presence."
Avitus: "Better, we taught them to lie face down in the mud and bleed in His presence."

• • Dawn of War II also has the scene where Administrator Derosa reveals that she finally got sick of her Obstructive Bureaucrat boss, shot her way into his manor, stole the control codes the Blood Ravens needed, then told them everything the Governor had been up to, commenting she doesn't mind treason charges since she knows she was doing the right thing. Avitus is audibly amused when he notes she would have made a good Sister of Battle.
  • In the Ork campaign of Retribution, Inquisitor Adrastia tries to hire Kaptin Bluddflag to kill Azariah Kyras. The deal goes rather well, up until the part where she refuses to give her hat as payment. It also becomes something of a Brick Joke because the next to last thing he does in the Ork campaign is mug her for that hat.
    • Oh and a comment by one of the nameless Orks in Retribution:

Ork: "I gawt Eldar blood all ovar me! So shiny!"

• The Orks from Retribution are by far the funniest characters in the series since Gorgutz.

Bludflagg: "TAKE UP YER COMPLAINTS WIF DA COMPLAINTS DEPARTMENT, AND DATS MY GUN!" (When talking to rebellious Orks)
Mistah Nailbrain: "I'LL SET ME GIT-FINDA TA PANSY!" (When tracking Eldar)
Spookums: "Its not like I can hide in da lava! Mork knows I ain't tryin DAT trick again!"

• • But the best Ork in the whole game has got to be the Mad Mek.

"OI! Tresspassah's, invadaz! Ooligans and ne'redowells!"
Kaptin Bludflagg: Dem Orkz got a Mek for a boss! Dat's just sad, dat is.

• • After Bludflagg and co. find the first tellyporta.

Nailbrain: "Teleporta's up and runnin', boss!"
Bludflagg: "Is it, then? Tested it 'ave ya?"
Nailbrain: "Well Kap'n, we'z low on grots. I'm sure it's fine, dough. Mork says."

Bludflagg: "After you den, Mistah Nailbrain." (Nailbrain teleports) "...I 'ave no idea if dat means it works. Oh well. 'ere we go! WAAAGH!!!"

• • Discovering "Daisy", a huge tank custom-built by other orks, Bludflagg and company fight it to claim it:

Driver: My only regret is ... explodin'! AAAAGH!

• "Drive me closer! I want to hit them with my sword!"
• In the first Dawn of War, watching a Tau commander meleeing a non-defended building to death is hilarious. Watch as he recoils and parries attacks that are not, in fact, taking place.
• Orks do the duck walk when moving through cover.
• LUNCH MISSILES!
• Lord General Castor and Sergeant Merrick make unsubtle threats to murder each other as if it were casual conversation. Also Sergeant Merrick deciding (serving under a disciplinary code that ancient Romans would have considered barbaric) that calling your superior officer's competence into question is a better option than flat out threatening to murder him.