Brewdening Love

True love, indeed.
"ok hello everyone I want to let you knwo that I'm the BIGGEST Twilight ever! I've read all the boks and seen da movie -OMFG isn't Cullin HAWT. So hot. ok now iv writon a storie about wut wold happen id I were bella1 Because shes a dirte bithc so i want you to see it and tel moi what you think!! So LOTS OF REVOWS PLZ! lov you God xoxoxoxo"
—The beginning of Brewdening Love. And it's all downhill from there.

Brewdening Love is an infamous Twilight fanfiction written by Erin Locklea, aka Erin of the Cullen Clan, and is another in the line of My Immortal-esque fanfics. It stars the Mary Sue (specifically, she's a black hole Relationship Sue) Joan St. Sanctuary Louisa-Smith and is so filled with spelling errors that it might as well be in cuneiform.

The story begins with Joan walking into her English class and suddenly noticing a boy named Edward (Edwerd, Edwad, Ward, etc.) whom she thinks looks like a god (not god God because I luv god and thats blamsphemi, so fuc off sinars). After giving a long description of herself, she tries to flirt with him but he ignores her. Because he's incredibly sex-ah, she forgives him and decides that, because he is so hot, she wants to be his boyfriend. Yes, boyfriend.

Edward continues to ignore her and she continues to stalk him, going so far as to chase him into the school car lot with him screaming at her to go away. While she contemplates the, gasp, horrid thought that maybe he doesn't like her, a bus appears out of nowhere and almost hits her. To the readers' dismay and chagrin, it does not flatten her; instead, a mysterious somebody who she thinks was Edward beacause "there wore amba eyes glisening in the doost!" saves her in the nick of time. She confronts him later and they magically fall in love.

But trouble is on the horizon as it is revealed that Edward is a VAMPTRE! As a devout Chrisnt, Joan is worried. And that bit of potential conflict is shoved in the closet when Edward says that he is a "christina vampite" and therefore okay for her to date. Yeah.

The gripping epic follows their twu wuv as Erin encounters the rest of the Cullens, the problem vamtpie Jhams, and searches the entire country of Canada in twenty minutes. Damn, that Volvo is fast.

Ousted off of Fanfiction.net for its spelling, grammar, blatant homophobia and anti-Semitism, as well as a whole bunch of other atrocities, the fanfic can now be found here.

Now has an Expanded Universe -- see here.

Tropes used in Brewdening Love include:
  • Aborted Arc: Some of the chapters start off at completely different places than where the last ones began. This has become more common recently.

Erin: Blame the ducks hahah!1

  • Abusive Parent: Mr. Smith is an alcoholic.
  • Ascended Extra: Becca, seemingly a background character based on the author's friend, has been given a bigger role in the story.
  • As the Good Book Says...: Erin tries to preach every biblical message she can think of and even called the first chapter "Genesis". Unfortunately, this leads to misinterpretation and even to her making up quotes that she uses to bash flamers.
  • Author Tract: A lot of it. If there's something out there that goes against the Bible, Erin will go out of her way to say it's wrong.
  • Back from the Dead: Emmett was killed, then revived... but if he's a vampire, isn't he already dead?
  • Black Best Friend: Becca. Oddly, Erin actually colored her skin the literal color black, not the skin tone, until a later drawing.
    • Erin claims she's literally black because she's a "maury". It's not clear whether she's attempting to say "moor" or "Maori".
  • Breaking the Fourth Wall: Chapter 37 was almost entirely centered on killing off the Brian x Hugo fanbase. Also, the revenge chapters, which literally put the critics into the story so they can be killed.
  • Canada, Eh?: The cultists who try to sacrifice Jacob for a satanic ritual live in Canada. Brian also moved from there. It's worth mentioning that Erin seems to think it's a city, not a country:

"Yesterday, " said brian. I moved hear frome Canada. Canada is a batter citey then Forks thou." He told us.

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