Bowdlerise/Quotes

Agent Mitchum: You've ended the war against crime with your brilliant "Give us your guns or we'll blow your freakin' heads off" bill. And you've ended the war against drugs with your brilliant "Give us your drugs or we'll blow your freakin' heads off" campaign.
The President: I actually said, "freakin'"?
Agent Mitchum: No, sir, but I'm a Mormon.

"With ABC deleting dynamite gags from cartoons, do you find that your children are using explosives less frequently?"

—Mark LoPresti

Some days I pray for silence
Some days I pray for soul

Some days I just pray to the god of sex, drugs and drums and rock and roll

—Meat Loaf, singing the words of Jim Steinman

"I'm gonna fill your hoo-hah with goof juice!"

—Patton Oswalt giving an example of cleaned up filth

Pulp Fiction? Yeah, saw it on an airplane, it's cute. It's a thirty-minute film about a group of friends who like cheeseburgers, dancing and the Bible.

—Shirley, Community, S2 E19: "Critical Film Studies"