< Barack Obama

Barack Obama/WMG

Barack Obama is an avatar of Nyarlathotep.

He's black. DECISIVE EVIDENCE

Barack Obama is a Doll.

Oprah hired him to become President. He's programmed with public speaking skills, political knowledge and -- this was Topher's idea -- tech savvy.

  • But then why did he give Gordon Brown Region 1 DVDs? A glitch somewhere?
    • A calculated insult?

Barack Obama is Jewish.

After all the claims that he's a secret Muslim, wouldn't it be funny if he turned out to be Jewish?

    • According to a recent episode of The Rachel Maddow Show, Osama bin Laden actually asserted this, citing Obama wearing a skullcap at the Western Wall as the source of this realization.
      • Muslims who have made the pilgrimage to Mecca also wear skullcaps.

Barack Obama is an atheist.

He was raised by one and is the first major US politician to refer to atheists as a group to be respected in the public sphere.

If you read The Audacity of Hope, he explains how he decided to get baptized when he was doing all that community organizing. He talks about how he still has doubts about God, but that he loved the community of the black church he joined. He seems genuinely spiritual, but he's never as fervent about God as previous presidents have been. This theory might hold water. It's not like anyone can get elected president in America without swearing up and down that they're Christian.

    • It could also be possible that he merely doesn't feel the need to flaunt his faith.
    • Or maybe he realized that the irreligious (atheists, agnostics, nonreligious) make up 10% of society, which makes them a good portion of the aforementioned public sphere.
    • Something about the "Declaration Of Independence" says that Religion and Politics in America shouldn't be mixed together so this is kinda possible.

Barack Obama is an avatar of Tzeentch.

Hope and change, anyone?

  • Ohh... yes. Could that mean that Bush was a follower of Khorne?
  • Possible. Clinton and Kennedy were definitely Slaanesh followers, though.
  • His health care policy may have support from Nurgle followers.
    • And thus forms Chaos undivided.
    • Andrew Jackson worshiped Khorne.

Barack Obama is a Marty Stu.

Athletic, Intelligent, Family man, One of Us, has a very stable marriage with an equally intelligent attractive woman and the worst thing FOX News has managed to say about him is that he likes Dijon mustard. The man is seemingly flawless. Now this raises the question as to whose Sue he is?

  • Isn't it obvious? God needed no less than a Marty Stu to be The Hero of his Great American Fix Fic.
  • He also won the Nobel Peace Prize in his first year as president, a never before seen ability by a U.S President. And the deadline was two weeks after he took office.
  • Now somebody is trying to rewrite the Marty Stu so he doesn't come off as too aggressively competent. Unfortunately, it's backfiring.
  • Subverted: Recession remains, debt continues to grow exponentially (even more so then under Bush), you would'a thunk a Marty Stu could get healthcare passed.
  • Meaningful Name, too. Barack is based on the Arabic word for charisma, which, like him or not, you cannot deny he has.

Barack Obama can shoot lasers from his nipples.

In a recent episode of The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert claimed that Obama could shoot lasers from his nipples. Well it turns out Colbert wasn't kidding. Obama can do that!

Barack Obama is Neo.

Cool in a sort of suave way. Went from relatively unknown nerd status to most powerful man in the world in a relatively short span of time. Has a tough female love interest. Oprah (clearly the Oracle) called him "The one." Ted Kennedy is obviously Morpheus. McCain, being a seemingly boring as dirt, but very tough, ultimate adversary is obliged to be Smith. Lieberman is Cypher for going to the other side. Let's not forget Keanu Reeves is of mixed ethnic background (plus his dad is from Hawaii). Coincidence?

    • What's more, Neo was originally going to be played by Will Smith... who wants to play Obama if there's a movie made about him.

Obama is Japanese (or Irish)

There's a town Japan called Obama, and if you transliterate Barrack in japanese, you get Baraku. What other word is transliterated the same way? Black. Also, Hawaii is ropughly halfway between the US and Japan, and historically important to US-Japanese relations.

Or his real surname could be O'Bama, and first name Barry.

    • But... "Black" is transliterated as "Burakku" or rarely "Burakki" in Japanese. Barack is "Barakku".
    • Well he did go by Barry for a time as a young man.
      • His mother was very Irish, I think he's more Irish than he is black.

Obama was created as the physical manifestation of the collected sum of a human emotion

Namely, hope.

Obama is a human being like anyone else, not the übermensch people would have you believe.

Yeah, I know, I just blasphemed.

Obama is the Avatar/Reincarnation/manifestation of Bob the Builder

Aaa-merica! Can we fix it?

Aaa-merica! YES WE CAN!

  • Alternately, the show Bob the Builder is part of a successful socialist plot to predispose the American public to any figure who makes extensive use of the catch phrase or variations thereof.
  • So...Obama is Paul Atreides?

Obama is Superman's real secret identity

Why would Superman be dumb enough to adopt a Secret Identity that looks almost exactly like him? Clark Kent is just a lookalike who works for Superman.

Also, we have this statement from Obama himself:

Obama: Contrary to what you may have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton, and sent here by my father, Jor-El, to save the planet Earth.

  • Dude, not Superman. The fellow's a Blue Lantern. Just check out the campaign slogan!

I'm thinking this one's pretty much confirmed.

And...

And... I mean, Alex Ross!!!

There is a very good reason Obama didn't close all the infinite detention facilities

...but its classified. So classified, he didn't receive access to the relevant data until achieving office. Presumably, a few days in, the CIA handed him a few documents that forced him to change his mind.

  • Maybe we have someone (several someones?) locked up that are A. incredibly dangerous, and B. too popular or influential or outright dangerous to leave to regular legal channels? And if we admitted we had them, they'd be able to get out?
    • A person who is A. clearly dangerous with B. evidence obtained through torture "harsh interrogation" would be sufficient. You can't bring them to trial without making the evidence (and how it was obtained) public, and you don't want to release them, either. So the only recourse left is... indefinite detention.
      • Why not take a third option and just kill them? It's just a terrorist, and nothing to be gained by keeping it alive.
        • Nothing... except vital info on the people working with/for them, and a possible bargaining chip.
      • Once you've pumped for all the info they know, then they have outlived their usefulness. And if they are sufficently dangerous enough to warrant infinite holding, then their use as a bargaining chip is null since they won't be bargained.
        • Maybe they're already dead, and we can't admit such, make the facility open to the public, or move the bodies without risking cluing someone in as to who we have...
        • Maybe they can't be killed by any means that America posseses. Like those ultra-high security prisons Doctor Impossible mentions.
  • Maybe we have some traitors to mankind who tried to sell us out to the Ethereal Empire in there. He didn't want to let them out after he found out what they did.
  • Guantanamo is an SCP Foundation base.
  • There are a couple of Goa'uld there.
  • Perhaps Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp is actually just a front for R'lyeh. And we definitely don't want to release everything that's in there.

Barack Obama is Satan

Look at how good the man looks in a suit. Would Satan really be the old stereotype of a white man in power? Think about it, maaaaaaan.

Barack Obama will gain enough popularity, and turn us all into a Planet of Hats

The Hat will either be hope, change, or being a Democrat.

Barack Obama is an Alien Lizard Man

David Icke thinks so and I've heard that this is essentially the premise of the new V series.

    • So do people who agree with Icke.

Barack Obama is Dunkelzahn.

  • Both are presidents from a minority.
  • They are both massively popular (and still are).
  • They're quite charismatic and polite.
  • Share a love of comics. (Read Dunkelzahn's will.)
  • America (or, in the case of Dunk, the UCAS) was in trouble at the time of their election. (Then again, UCAS is always in trouble.)

There is no such thing as a true American Birth Certificate

Its all a massive Gambit Pileup on the part of the doctors and parents, all of whom are trying to sneak their own bunch of people into the country.

    • THAT needs a WMG? Even today, every state has their own format for birth certificates-and if you took all the formats that were used over the last fifty years, you'd have QUITE a mess to sort through. Just like driver's licenses. No, the best part is even if the Hawaii records office gave up and sent Birthers the original certificate, the Birthers would call it a fake. After all, it doesn't look at ALL like their own birth certificates (from another state and another decade) or like the birth certificates given out by Hawaii today...right? Oh, and it's not from Kenya, so it must be fake.

Jon Stewart was right, Barack Obama is a Jedi and he actually knows how things will play out in the years to come.

None of can understand his ways or methods because we are all mere mortals. One day we are just gonna wake up and he will have solved all of the problems the United States is facing right now and none of us will be able to explain it.

    • To be precise, Barack Obama is Mace Windu and John McCain is Palpatine in an alternative continuity where the Jedi didn't trust Palpatine from the beginning on and decided to run Windu as a counter-candidate against him when he ran for the head of state position.

Barack Obama is The Antichrist.

According to intense research (i.e. google) half the internet already believes this. He's simply preparing for when the forces of Satan come in 2012 as predicted by the Mayan calendar.

  • Alternatively: Obama is the Anti-Anti-Christ. He's found out what his purpose is, but has grown too attached to the world to bring an end to it. He's trying his best to help, but it's not going too well at the moment. Let's hope this doesn't turn out to be a case of You Can't Fight Fate...
  • While "Barak o bama" is a Hebrew phrase translated "Lighting from heaven," as in "I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven," Obama isn't competent enough to be the Antichrist. The Antichrist wouldn't need a teleprompter in order to speak lucidly and coherently.
    • Well, damn. There goes my theory that George W. Bush was the Antichrist.
    • The name "Barack Obama" isn't even Hebrew. If anything, it means "Lightning or stage." Does Obama have a pyrotechnics budget?
    • "Barack" actually comes from the word for "blessing," and has a Hebrew cognate. Hence his name would be "blessing from heaven." My pastor hit "reply all" with the Hebrew notes attached when got this rumor in his mailbox.
      • Let me clarify- "Barack" is the Arabic word for "blessing;" the Hebrew word is "Baruch." You may have heard Jewish people exclaim, "Baruch Hashem Adonai," meaning, "Blessed be the Name of the Lord." However, "barak," is the Hebrew word for "lightning."
  • One of a million leaders accused of being just that: http://www.cracked.com/article_16970_5-world-leaders-who-were-accused-being-antichrist.html
  • Jossed by the Bible, there is no such thing as the Antichrist. An antichrist, maybe, but they are numerous and mostly unremarkable. The satan wild mass guess, though unlikely, is still more probable.
    • Joss is jossed by Catholic teaching, though. Not that I'm agreeing with this WMG or anything.

Barack Obama is this universe's Lelouch Lamperouge

This would explain his supporters' irrational fanaticism and why he is so beloved by the liberal media: Obama has used his geass powers given to him by C.C. Oprah to brainwash them into doing whatever he tells them to do. Obama plans to create a new socialist or even communist United States out of the ashes of the first one. Obama has already begun to dismantle all of Bush's anti-terror policies that until now have kept the terrorists at bay. This shall leave us wide open to an attack by the Black Knights Al Qaida led by Zero Osama Bin Laden. At the same time, Obama is trying his hardest to crush all opposition to his agenda and sabotage the American economy with flawed economic policies. I am uncertain whether this universe's Suzaku is Scot Brown or Glenn Beck or some other individual who has yet to appear.

  • His equally irrational haters seem to disprove mind control powers, unless he likes have 45% of his country against him. And now a new Zero parallel is needed too. Perhaps a different show?

Barack Obama is actually Baraka

"Barack" certainly sounds enough like "Baraka", and perhaps "Michelle" beginning with the same two letters as "Mileena" has some significance. Obama was sent by Shao Kahn, in a form shapeshifted from his original Tarkatan body, to weaken Earthrealm's defenses as a backup plan in case Goro loses his tenth tournament, which will take place on December 21, 2012.

Barack Obama wasn't born in Hawaii

Or Kenya. He was born when George W. Bush removed the blackness from his soul. But, being Dubya, he didn't remove the right blackness (as in evil) but rather the blackness (as in black guy). This blackness bonded to a white guy named Barry O'Bama (from the earlier WMG about him being Irish) and became Barack Obama. Since the blackness was the opposite of Dubya it became a democrat. As of now it is questionable if Obama may also be the manifestation of some of Dubya's evil since, according to the prophecy, Dubya was supposed to be worse than he actually was.

State of the Union WMG: Barack Obama will give a nod to the Drinking games.

And say something like "Let me be clear, change isn't easy, make no mistake." or another sentence with most of his frequently-chosen-words in it at the start of the speech, and then say "For those of you who are still sober..." and continue as normal.

Barack Obama killed Anna Nicole Smith.

  • Hopelessly consumed by her obsession with copying (or at least approximating) every exploit of her lifelong idol, Marilyn Monroe, Vickie Lynn Hogan - Anna Nicole Smith - decided that Obama was "the black JFK" after seeing his 2004 Democratic National Convention speech on television, and began stalking him relentlessly. Barack finally decided to just go with the flow and carried on a top-secret relationship with her. (This explains why we didn't see him in the media much between 2004 and just after Anna's death; he was consciously avoiding the spotlight so that no one would find out.) Finally, Barack decided that the secret affair just wasn't worth the risk - and so, with precious few months left to go before the 2008 presidential campaign was to kick off, he arranged for William Ayers to blow up Anna's yacht in the Caribbean Sea while she was on it. (Ayers was happy to do so after Barack lied to him, claiming that a Hogan relative had headed the FBI's anti-terrorism division when Ayers had been in the Weather Underground.) Oh, and that "drug-addled" body the media found? It was actually a permanently deactivated, incredibly lifelike android designed by the company responsible for so many other famous human-replica models, including Guri from Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire and...Al Gore.

Barack Obama can hear everything with those big ears of his.

  • A lesser man would go over all Big Brother with it. He just uses them to listen in on what the people want. Try demonstrating it for yourself. If you say, "Barack Obama, I want a pony," in a good, clear, loud voice, then after the year or so it'll take for Congress to pass the motion, you will get your pony. Honest!
    • But can he hear why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch? (He'd better be able to, since he has kids himself...)
  • Colbert did it.

Barack Obama has many clones.

  • How else can he be in so many T.V. programs and photos and newspapers and political meetings at once?

Barack Obama is a Blue Lantern.

Barack Obama is a leprechaun.

Well, why not? It's entirely possible, if he's secretly Irish as was speculated elsewhere on this page. The other leprechauns rejected him for being too tall, so he moved to the USA and became a Memetic Badass politician just to spite them!

Biden isn't an idiot, he's seeing how much he can insult Obama and keep his job.

  • You Fail Law Forever- Vice President is an elected office; the President can't fire the Vice President.
    • But Obama CAN pick a new running mate.

Barack Obama wasn't joking when he said he was sent to Earth by his father Jor-El.

The reason why his approval ratings consistently skew young...

...is his habit of looking around the room while giving a speech rather than looking directly into the camera to "make eye contact" with the TV audience, as politicians have been trained to do since The Fifties. The older a voter is, the more likely they are to actually watch a presidential speech as opposed to simply having it playing in the background while multitasking.

Barack Obama is really Kamen Rider Decade.

Here [dead link] is the proof.

  • Onore Obama!

Obama will cause Instrumentality.

Second Impact will happen in 2012 in this universe. After that, he will take control of the Eva project.

  • Expect to see Michelle eaten by a giant robot and his daughters shipped off to the other side of the country any day now.

Barack Obama is The Stig.

Some say he is ineligible to be president because it is constitutionally illegal for a non-natural born US citizen to be elected to that office, Some claim that he was born in a foreign country (Kenya), but no one has yet provided legally compelling evidence that this is the case. All we know is, he's called...

Barack Obama is the Anti-Anti-Christ, and Michelle Obama is the Second Coming

Might as well. I mean, after all the talk about him being Satan.

Everything the Sun says about Barack Obama is true.

He is gay and having an affair with Oprah. Oprah is a man.

Tupac is still alive, living under the name... Barack Obama.

Barack Obama is the reincarnation of Jesus Christ

Turns out the Hindus were right, but it's cool.

Obama is a dolphin in a human suit trying to undermine humanity as the dominant species on the planet

  • Or help support us so we get to a point where we stop killing them.
  • Or trying to warn us all of our impending doom.
  • It follows that this is why he won't reveal his birth certificate. If he does, it would show that he wasn't born in Hawaii, but rather, in the waters off the coast of Hawaii, letting the cat out of the bag on his cetacean nature.

Obama is Ted Williams' clone

Obama is an agent of Special Circumstances

Come on: this is obvious:

  • Leftwing guy who infuriates fundamentalists: check
  • Mixes high morals standards in his speeches with a ruthless approach of war: check
  • Backed by an army of killer drones: check

Come on: this is obvious: The Culture has started its process of assimilation of our planet into their galaxy wide civilization. Now we just have to convince the teabaggers to stop fighting our new Space Hippies Overlords: we know how badly things get when someone pisses them off

Obama is a Xanatos Gambit.

A group of up-tight liberals wanted to prove (or at least get people to think) that the Conservatives were racist douchebags. So they decided to choose a black man as their president, manipulating this so he would win regardless of his policies, and call the Conservatives out the moment they used Insane Troll Logic like the "Birther conspiracy." To them, it would validate their point. Alternatively, Obama was set up by a completely different group to expose flaws on both sides.

The Birthers were really created to keep Arnold Schwarzenegger out of The White House.

Obama's just some Democrat, but Arnold is the real threat to the "conservative" subculture that runs the post-Watergate Republican Party. Arnold's a charismatic old-school moderate Republican who can win elections. Of course they hate Arnold, & they had to stop the Constitution from being amended to allow him to run for President, because he would win. This took two prongs: One, a media push for venerating the Founding Fathers & the Constitution as infallible. Two, a base worked into a frenzy at the idea of electing a foreigner. By denying Schwarzenegger the potential support of the Grand Old Party's base, they can drive him back into movies & keep the party to themselves.

Obama is the 'winner' in a competition in which both sides were really trying to lose.

Imagine the top leadership of both parties thinking "Oh god. Eight years of George W. Bush. Two wars, trillions in debt, the start of a recession... We really don't want to be the marching band in the parade slot right behind THAT horse show. Come on, what can we do to throw this election?" Dems: "I got it I got it...ladies and gentlemen, I present our candidate-a half-black man from Hawaii with names that are homophones for people America was recently demonizing as dictators or terrorists!" Reps: "Oh...oh yeah? Well, we'll run a 70 year old Vietnam vet, and back him up with a lunatic woman from Alaska!" Voters: "And the winner is...Barack Obama!" Dems: "Son of a..."

The Donald Trump presidential campaign is a plant by Barack Obama or his subordinates.

It's actually there to make people think the GOP has gone off its rocker, giving Barack the easy win.

If Obama loses his reelection bid he will make one of the following career moves:

1. He will return to the U.S. Senate. He wouldn't be the first ex President to serve in Congress. Both John Quincy Adams and Andrew Johnson did it. He would still probably have enough popularity to win an election in his home state.

2. He will be appointed to the Supreme Court. Considering the age of some of the justices, it's very likely there will be a vacant seat within the next two or three years and Obama was a lawyer with not to mention a law professor. He wouldn't be the first ex president to serve on the court (Taft) nor the first with no experience as a judge. At the very least he could be appointed to a federal district court.

3. He will pull a Grover Cleveland and be reelected in 2016

Obama is a Time Lord

He made a Stable Time Loop dependent on McCain winning the election, starting October 2008 and ending about Election Day, so he could try over and over again until he won.

Obama is an early experiment by the Pierson's Puppeteers

Specifically, his parents' union may have been engineered for the "luck gene". From his campaign for the U.S. Senate onward, his political adversaries have had a tendency to self-destruct in peculiar ways. (See Ryan, Jack, on the main page for an example.)

Seal Team Six did not, in fact, kill Osama bin Ladin. Obama did.

Obama lied about giving the order to kill bin Ladin. He flew to Pakistan, parachuted in, and personally assaulted bin Ladin's compound, alone, and killed him in a high noon shootout. While riding a triceratops. With a minigun.

When the aliens invade, Obama will pilot the first ever real life Super Robot

The crazy "Obama is ______" people are technically right.

Obama is, in actuality, a high ranking Templar, maybe even the Grand Master. The people scattered around the internet and the media claiming Obama is every unamerican thing under the sun are Assassins, doing whatever they can to make the masses lose faith in him and render his Piece of Eden powerless. Obama is, in turn, using his media influence to discredit said Assassins.

  • Except he tends to ignore them until he can't anymore, and most of the claims are nuts all by themselves.
  • Alternately, the Templars are responsible for all the crazy conspiracy theories about everything from birth certificates to lizard antichrists, which just a few crackpots would believe anyway. The odd valid Conspiracy Theory gets lost in the masses of Insane Troll Logic.

Obama does not exist.

Yes, you've seen him on TV and you've heard that world leaders and celebrities have met him, but can you trust them? Have you actually seen him face to face and touched him? Do you personally known someone who has personally seen and touched him? He could be a Hologram for all you know!

Obama will eventually find this page and read it.

It will either be a Crowning Moment of Awesome for the site or all history of this site's existence will mysteriously disappear.

Obama is actually a Magnificent Bastard and the debt ceiling crisis is his Xanatos Gambit

Think about it. If Congress does raise the debt ceiling, he can portray himself as a moderate who was willing to compromise in order to get things done, and the Republicans as loony wackos who put politics before America. If Congress doesn't raise the ceiling... well, all he has to do is wait for people to not get their Social Security and Medicare checks, and then he can put the blame for that on the Republicans.

Obama is a wizard.

Obama is Captain America (comics).

The two were seen as bringers of hope for America (a fictional America in Cap's case), and are both charismatic speakers who can inspire masses. Obama's just a shield and star-spangled outfit away from really bringing about change in our world.

Obama was born in Kenya.

This had to come up eventually. Given all the joke theories going around, it is impossible to tell whether I'm being serious or not, but does it really matter?

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