< Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking

Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking/Web Comics

Dan: Look at that thing. It probably ate a puppy for breakfast right before it burned down an orphanage and talked loudly on a cell phone at a restaurant.

Vaarsuvius: That is reprehensible, depraved, and most importantly, highly impractical given our current location.

    • Best part, this is completely in character for V, who is very rapidly showing just how distant, calculating, and True Neutral (s)he actually is.
    • Start of Darkness has a list on its back cover of "26 Unpleasant Things That Happen (or Almost Happen) in This Book." First is murder. Nineteenth is arson. Twenty-sixth is... taco night. The scariest part? They all actually happen. (The aforementioned taco night involved zombies.)
      • Thirteenth is "blind dating"; twenty-second, "running gags".
      • And let's not forget eight, "squishy hugs," which falls right after "defenestration" and right before "cannibalism."
    • Belkar: Why would you betray me, Skullsy? I gave you everything: a home, a sense of purpose, the ability to fit in the overhead compartment of airplanes...
    • Belkar: We're wanted in several other nations for racketeering, jury tampering, and interfering with a mail carrier.
    • Also, at the end of the OOTS Kickstarter drive, Burlew listed its achievements as including: second most funds pledged ever, third project to ever pass $1 million, most funded creative work, most funded work by a single person, 2127% of the original goal of $57 750, 28 updates made, 35 goals reached, 14 952 backers, 25 000 books sold, uncounted F5 keys broken, and quote "I think we kinda broke a Kickstarter server at the end there" unquote.
  • What's New with Phil and Dixie, on casting models for Magic: The Gathering cards:

Agent: Do you have any trouble working with elves, trolls, fairies, minotaurs, wizards, merfolk, werewolves, vampires, zombies or artists?
Model: Ew...real artists?

Shelly: But what would you do in a word-based emergency?
Des: Like what?
Shelley: Eviction notice. Death warrant. Valuable coupon that expires today.

Grrbil Leader: You're looking at the most evil beverage on the planet! Harvested from a cursed, unmarked burial ground! Crushed on a labour camp by enslaved, impoverished orphans! Brewed by an insane monk in a haunted asylum for insane criminals! And bottled... In a really bad year!
Sam: ...What was so bad about 1691?

  • In Digger, the trader Samuel is described as having known "dark secrets of sorcery, necromancy, and accounting".
  • DMFA: Lorenda's mother and her possible responses to her daughter's distress.
  • In 8-bit Theater, Black Mage questions how Red Mage can know what excuse Thief gave for fleeing from a battle without the other Light Warriors, seeing as how he was dead, on fire and a hat at the time.
    • Earlier: "You'd think she'd want to kill us and destroy everything we've ever worked for after we brutally murdered her son, banished her husband to Hell, and tore up her driveway."
    • Much earlier: "He let you rot in that creep monster, he was dancing on the armoire that was crushing Fighter to death, he attacked Red Mage for no reason, made several rude comments to me throughout, and he completely ruined our story session. And that was just this evening's transgressions!". Guess which parts are bolded in the comic.
    • Thief once brought each step of one of Red Mage's plan into question, starting with the highly suspect part where Fighter had to block ethereal energy, the more suspect part where Red Mage had to cast every spell at once, the grossly suspect part where Thief had to dodge explosions while inside of them, and ending with the most suspect part where Black Mage had to actually hit what he was aiming at.
  • Girl Genius, being about cheerfully crazy people, has a lot of it.
    • Grumbling of the Pink Airship's Captain:

Well, that's just perfect. Too low to hide, high enough to fall hard… and we're pink. Let's not forget that.

    • Bangladesh DuPree upon learning that she can kill anyone while guarding the Baron, rattles off a list of killing tools to Gil, wondering if she can use any of them. The list included a knife, a gun, an axe... and a piece of cheese. Now there's a girl who loves her boss, uh job.
    • This page. Hats are important for Jägerkin, but we learn this only much later and gradually.
    • This page has Lucrezia's little reminders to herself inscribed on the stairs. The reminders include "Have you turned off all experiments?" "Have you fed the beasties?" "Have you appeased the Dark One?" and "Have you taken out the trash?"
    • Othar Trygvassen (GENTLEMAN ADVENTURER) summarizes the situation:

"We are in Castle Heterodyne with exploding collars around our necks, caught between a fake Heterodyne and a real one. (As well as assorted criminals, maniacs and various monsters.) And I suspect that even if we found any beer in here, it would be evil or, at the very least, flat."

...You're bankrolling both of the Heterodyne girls. You want them to fight. The winner will marry your son. You really like waffles...

It is a world ruled by mad science... poorly.
Monsters roam the land by day —
Terror stalks the night —
At twilight all the good restaurants are full!

  • Men in Hats: Oh no, the off topic!
  • Looking for Group brings us Richard's titles. "Chief Warlock of the Brothers of Darkness, Lord of the Thirteen Hells, Master of the Bones, Emperor of the Black, Lord of the Undead, Mistress of Magma, and mayor of a little village up the coast". He later added Lord of the Dance. He has yet to show off his prowess at that one.
    • It turns out the "little village up the coast" was a Chekhov's Gun.
  • In Megatokyo, Largo is arrested by Inspector Sonoda early on, and Sonoda is rattling off a list of charges that includes jailbreaks and "unauthorized" usage of a giant Godzilla Shout-Out. The last charge he names? Illegal Use of Duct Tape.
    • Actually, considering Largo, that could be quite the offense.
  • This strip of Boy Meets Boy:

"She's here to save us!"
"She's so smart!"
"She's so brave!"
"She, uh. Has a pretty shirt? ... Well, I don't KNOW her!"

Anakin: You're under arrest for the attempted murder of Senator Amidala!
Zam Wessel: Attempted??
Anakin: And reckless driving!

    • Then, when Dooku tries to convince a captive Obi-Wan that he's really a good guy:

Obi-Wan: Let's see... You stole the plans for a symbol of peace. You're allied with (a) a known megalomaniacal warlord and (b) a criminal sociopath. You have not one, but two, armies at your disposal. You've captured me--unfairly--and are holding me with no means of escape. And you're Monologuing.
Count Dooku: Ah am monologuing?!

"...trespassing, destroying assembly line equipment, sabotaging factory computers, flatlining 6 droids, killing 15 Geonosian factory workers - and parking illegally on a steam vent."

"He was like Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler, Atomic Bombs, and Seabiscuit all in one."

"I mean, there's plenty to save the world from - zealots, corruption, bigotry, disease, sitcoms"

  • When Kieth of Twokinds is brought to the Basitin court in this comic, he is read all of the "heinous crimes" he is being accused of. They all increase in severity as they are listed... that is until the last item on the list.

"Disobeying a direct order from a superior... trespassing on royal grounds... destroying royal property... committing treason against the Basitin government... and breaking curfew."

Paula: Let's talk business, then...
Poochyfud: Business? My favorite word! What kind? Extortion? Blackmail? Precious Moments figurines?

Signs that your loved one has an SRMD infection are: manic laughter, a desire to build a secret lab, hoarding of radioactive materials, sleep deprivation, building armies of oozing zombies in the bathroom, and dry mouth.

  • In Schlock Mercenary Kevyn's list of crimes includes treason, high treason, and grand spamming (the only charge that could stick). But considering that spammers are considered lower than pedophiles by the 31st century and he sent the teraport blue-prints to almost a third of the galaxy it's kind of a subversion.
  • Nina Delacroix in Eerie Cuties on vampire history month retells tales she heard in childhood to her werewolf friend. The "cat" part is obviously important. Though it's not obvious how much.
  • Heavily implied, and slightly played with, and most certainly a reference to this trope, in Magic and Physics where one character's file, which seems to be a compilation of one's life, includes things implied so horrible that the creator's thought it was a joke. However, they wouldn't deal with another character because his character's file including Jaywalking.
  • From Wapsi Square, near the end of a discussion about how the golem girls destroyed the world, Brandi decides to continue admitting to and feeling guilty for the horrible things she has done, and pipes in with this gem: "I snore loud, but I don't mean to."
    • In addition, the newspaper clips on Tina's wall say such things as "Young Girl to Testify Against Drug Lord," "Drug Lord's Daughter Dies in Car Crash," and "Body Disappears from County Morgue," until finally concluding with "Cute New Coffee Shop Opens Up in Wapsi Square."
  • In Skin Horse, Alphonse's reasons for wanting divorced from sentient swamp Venus include "fits of rage", "fear for my life" and "algae".
  • Freefall: Max Post has an arrest warrant put out for him, in the March 25, 2011 strip, for hacking, unauthorized access to robotic operating systems, and jailbreaking a Play Station 3.
  • In Xkcd, the future predictions for 2100 end with: "Rainforests mostly gone due to climate shifts", "All coral reefs gone" and "Gillette introduces 14 bladed razor".

I plugged in this lamp and my dog went rigid, spoke a sentence of perfect Akkadian, and then was hurled sideways through the picture window. Even worse, it's one of those lamps where the switch is on the cord.

"No, I do NOT want to subscribe to 'Murderer Monthly', 'Killin' Quarterly', or 'Maxim'."

I can tolerate many things from a guest. Curt manners. Egregious womanizing. Murdering the help. Casual arson. Even atrocious candy bowl etiquette.

Vexxarr: They are a stubborn, warlike race. Breaching the DMZ is an act of war!
Vexxarr: Shouting into the DMZ is an act of war!
Vexxarr: Delivering pizza to the DMZ is an act of war!. The Lattrox logic tree is bereft of twigs!

WARNING
Certain Death
Rabid Bees
Cat Dander
No Wi-Fi

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