< 8-Bit Theater

8-Bit Theater/WMG


The dark elves are Good-aligned.

Think about it. They fight a shadow war against the forest elves. Think about the forest elves shown in the comic. The dark elves who used to control Elf Land called themselves a race of bastards because they knew, in order to maintain peace, they needed to out-bastard the Khee'bler and Sahn'ta clans. Then the forest elves allied themselves with the Dragon Empire (under the leadership of Goddess-Queen Tiamat/Muffin, who was in charge as long as Bahamut was asleep) and burned down Dark Elf Palace. After the dragons were slain by the dragoons, the forest elves purged all records of the dragons in order to make it seem like they defeated the dark elves by themselves. Stories passed down by the dark elves about flying, fire-breathing lizards were declared myths concocted in order to undermine the forest elves, thus explaining why Thief does not believe in them.

At the very least, Drizz'l is Good because any people he killed prior to meeting the Light Warriors were bound to be elves. After joining the Dark Warriors, all he ever did was solve math problems, help run an animal shelter, take part in monthly bake sales, and provide shelter for unloved monsters.

  • Contentious, the Dark Elf national anthem before the forest elves stole it started with "We're a race of total bastards."

All the Super-Stupid characters that warp reality with their idiocy are psychic

King Steve included. They are also brilliant tacticians and the strategists determining the fate of the world. Fighter is the most evil character in the story, Sarda is the same sort of person, only crazy, and Black Belt arranged events so that Chaos would be defeated eventually, with or without him. If Black Belt survived, Black Mage would be a good guy. Fighter is the one in charge of Black Mage's descent into evil, and is trying to keep him in a state malleable to his dark lords, or possibly just himself. King Steve is just a dude who wants a kick-ass kingdom... So far. He may or may not be after the destruction/preservation of the world also. Red Mage, Thief, and Black Mage are novice psychics, but they aren't as smart as the other ones, thereby limiting their control over the world.

Fighter is the most dedicated and deadpan Deadpan Snarker in the world.

He's so deadpan, even Thief and Black Mage haven't picked up that he's joking. That rare time we looked into his thoughts? He was joking to himself.

Black Mage hasn't changed classes yet.

Think about it, Darko the Dark God of Dark just, in his words, "Unbound the nexus." Possibly the class change hasn't officially happened to Black Mage yet.

  • That, or his class is now "Nexus".
    • Well, he is the Nexus... but considering how much the evil gods and most of the rest of the universe want to (probably quite fairly) chew him out, they may have collaborated in designing a new type of magic just to screw him over. Probably Sarda had a hand in it.

Sarda will ultimately be defeated by... Black Belt!

Despite what Word of God says, Black Belt cannot effectively be killed because his sense of direction is so bad that it breaks the laws of physics. He got lost in the Temple of Fiends and never left. Because of his sense of direction, he can thus kill Onion Kid thus erasing Sarda from existence or he will kill Sarda himself. One of the Light Warriors points him in the direction of the bathroom and that is where the clone of Black Belt came from.

Red Mage isn't an idiot; he just uses Obfuscating Stupidity to maximize his chance of survival.

Since the world runs on the Rule of Funny, Red Mage only acts like an idiot to remain entertaining, ensuring his survival. He also makes his plans so that they're funnier when they work than when they fail.

How else could he survive jumping into a dragon WHILE ON FIRE?

(This also explained why Black Belt died: he was powerful, but his "I got lost when it is physically impossible to do so" joke got stale after a while.)

  • Black Belt's death has been confirmed to be because he started to become too much like Fighter.

Fighter is using Obfuscating Stupidity to take over or destroy the world.

Exhibit A: Fighter says so!

And the evil that he inflicts? Why, it's not stopping the other members of his party for perpetrating evil! He could kill anyone in the party, even before his class change. Yet he allows himself to be "distracted" with the smallest bit of nonsense just so that he doesn't bear witness to the crimes of his fellows. This, for example.

Also, Fighter revealing his plot and betraying the party in the climax would be incredibly funny. And awesome.

Fighter can appear in many places at once because he is a demon.

It is implied in this comic that he is the Demon of Bad Haircuts, which, according to Red Mage, is very powerful. QED.

Fighter is the most intelligent member of the cast.

He's faking half of his personality.

Why? When Fighter met Black Mage for the first time, he felt pity for him because Black Mage had (and has) issues. Fighter decided to practice Obfuscating Stupidity so he would have an argument for stalking BM around, other than making a great Meat-shield.

Fighter doesn't fake being heroic and friendly. And he sincerely likes Black Mage.

He wants to help Black Mage lose his hatred of all the universe and therefore tries to show him how much fun life can be if you're good. He wants to be his best friend forever, but knows that he isn't yet. Fighter believes there's good somewhere deep inside BM and wants to set this good free.

Everything Fighter does is to set up therapy for Black Mage that, sadly, isn't working. He keeps trying.

Fighter is aware that his party are not the real Light warriors, but:

  1. He always wanted to save the world
  2. It seemed like a good idea at the time to give Black Mage other thoughts than genocide.

He signed the contract with Thief because he recognized Thief was an elf from the beginning. Thief was supposed to rid Black Mage of racism.

He voted Red Mage into the team because he didn't want White Mage on it! Fighter knows that White Mage only wants the best for every living creature, but Black Mage is so attracted to her that her mere presence distracts him from everything else, and her preaching about love and peace even more so, at least in the beginning. Fighter was also afraid that BM would eventually succeed in raping her if she spent too much time on the team, and so he decided it was the best to keep the two apart.

Fighter always knew low-level white-magic. (Yes, in some games, his class can learn that.) This explains why he never dies from Black Mage's stabbings - that, and his high HP and Defense-stat.

Fighter always tries his best to keep the others from harming Black Mage in any way. He wants the others to all start thinking about Black Mage as he, secretly, does; but his tries to convert the others into helping BM out of his homicidal mania don't mix well with his "Idiot" persona and only cause the others to think he's even more naive than he tries to be.

Sometimes, he just can't hold himself back anymore and lets his true, intelligent persona, burst out; but he quickly covers it through some stupid comment or the like. This happens especially often after his class change; he WANTS to behave like a honourary knight, but his will to convert BM to the good side is stronger. It bugs him that he can't just shout, "Hey, guys, guess what, I'm not stupid! I'm smart enough to score an A on a philosophy test!" But he still tries to keep his facade up.

He feels sorry for White Mage because he knows that they are essentially destroying all hopes she ever had. He also tries to keep her from snapping. Also, now that BM has learned to fear her, Fighter sees White Mage as valuable help in the project "De-evilize-Black Mage". Remember, Fighter was the one who ended her depressive-phase.

  • Another point that confirms this theory is the off-screen-dialogue between BM and an unknown person in the comic "wouldn't you want to know?".

Presume that it really happens in the future after BM killed everyone except Fighter. And now presume that Fighter is the one he's talking to. It fits, doesn't it?

    • Nope. Turns out that unknown person was Red Mage. Though BM did kind of severely injure everyone else.
  • Drawback: we've read Fighter's thoughts in the past. At their most intelligent, we had, "Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we play the quiet game". Odd flashes of brain activity do not equal "hiding his true intelligence".
    • Were they REALLY his thoughts, or just what he wanted us to THINK were his thoughts?
      • Wait, he can outsmart the strip's creator? Ouch!
  • Fighter may have believed that Black Mage wasn't beyond redemption despite everything he has done so far. Fighter probably considered Black Mage's feelings for White Mage as proof that there was more to him than just Omnicidal Mania. If that is the case, then Fighter probably considered Black Mage carelessly skewering White Mage as BM's Moral Event Horizon crossing moment.
  • Additionally: Fighter's Journals. He keeps them "hidden" like an idiot would, so BM will find them and read them, thereby adding another layer to his disguise.

Red Mage is right. They're secretly in a tabletop RPG, and Fighter is the DM's character.

Similar to the above guess. Fighter's intelligence is occasionally, and apparently randomly, well above what he normally displays. This is not truly random: if you look, it happens to avoid plot derailment from the cast being stymied by a puzzle or boss or, in one case, by the other two party members plotting to kill Black Mage permanently. Clearly, unknown to anyone except Red Mage, they're in a tabletop RPG run just for laughs to see what happens when a party made mostly of Evil characters has to save the world. Because the game isn't being taken too seriously, no one minds the fourth wall breaking...or Fighter/the DM's occasional railroading. After all, if he didn't, the game would end, and they'd have to stop having fun with it.

Fighter And Black Mage sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

More specifically, Fighter has a crush on Black Mage. Evidence is all around us. Willing to protect him? Doesn't see how a woman can hurt their relationship? Superbuddies? And now we know that Fighter thinks of himself as a woman. Is there any evidence against this position? No.

Therefore, every fan of Eight Bit Theater should sling nursery rhymes on Black Mage.

  • Fighter was shown early on to be attracted to Princess Sara, and has also watched "Chicks In Chainmail" in his youth. He's overprotective of his friends, sure, but he's not gay.
    • Bisexuals: They exist.
      • BFFs: So do they.
        • Never said they didn't, but liking one gender doesn't mean someone can't like the other as well.

Black Mage has similar feelings for Fighter

...to those proposed above. Black Mage deeply loves Fighter, though this love may be infatuation or simply platonic. But he's ashamed of it; the constant creative (and, interestingly, rarely carried-out) threats against Fighter are a mask to hide this from everyone, including himself. He continues the regular head-stabbing of Fighter because he knows Fighter's immune to being stabbed in the head. Why else would he continue doing them after so long when they've failed so many times?

Fighter feels similarly about Black Mage; but he lacks the intelligence or social grace to know that his friend would rather people didn't know about it, and so is uncomfortably open about it (like in the examples above).

Hey, this is what the fangirls insist on.

  • Then why does Black Mage lust for White Mage and react instantly to Red Mage's promise of "huge knockers"?
    • That just proves his love for Fighter is platonic.
    • Or that Black Mage could be bisexual, sexually confused (he apparently only recently hit puberty) or majorly overcompensating.
      • Not overcompensating. If he were, he wouldn't have come out of his coma-esque state, since overcompensating obviously involves conscious thought.
      • OR Black Mage has the same attitude to sexuality that he has towards incredibly violent murder: indiscriminate equal opportunity offender. I.e. he's an Omnicidal Maniac and he probably has the Anything That Moves attitude down pat.
      • The closest thing to attraction towards men Black Mage ever shows is the time he fucked the corpse of his own doppleganger. Take from that what you will.

Fighter will go insane

...and this will lead to a storyline in which White Mage will appear and have to kill him. Oh, and his last lines?

Fighter: I'm afraid. I'm afraid, White Mage. White Mage, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a... fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am Fighter Mc Warrior. I became a Fighter in Corneria, on the 2nd of March 2001. My instructor was Brian Clevinger, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you.
White Mage: Yes, I'd like to hear it, Fighter. Sing it for me.
Fighter: It's called "Daisy." [sings while dying] Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I'm half crazy all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two. [dies]

  • Fighter going insane? Yes. Fighter saying something like that? No.
    • "Standing atop a pile of corpses: "WHERE IS MY CAKE? THAT! IS! NOT! MY! CAKE!"

The Comic Did End on Page 1070

All pages after that are just a deranged fantasy conjured up by our pathetic minds.

  • We're surprisingly in sync. Or we're hallucinating so badly that when someone says "That's not what I saw," we hallucinate their answer too.

Black Belt Ascended as a result of dying twice in the same universe, which is why the resurrection attempts failed.

The high-pressure blood from his depetrified body was purely due to Rule of Funny, not a pulse; he was dead the whole time and couldn't be brought back because his two dead souls had already fused into one übersoul.

When Fighter does manage to kill all the others, he will start with the "other" Fighters.

After all, he does outnnumber himself and pose the greatest threat. When there is one Fighter left, he'll see reason, and status quo will be restored.

Black Mage isn't of Clan Evilwizardington.

Remember, Fighter introduced him as such.

This opens a lot of WMGs on him:

Black Mage was never human.

He was a nexus that became a living being, rather than a living person who was born a nexus.

Black Mage is an ontological paradox

Because he is a nexus. This is the original reason that the universe hates him.

Black Mage is an orphan.

Odds are, he's a Self-Made Orphan.

    • Confirmed. Non of his family are in any state one could call living.
    • Though to be fair, it's never been confirmed that he killed his parents. The only relative we know he killed was his brother; all we know about his sister is that she was bitten by a dire elk. It's certainly implied he killed his family, but not outright stated.

Black Mage is Onion Kid from the future.

Onion Kid has been repeatedly orphaned and relocated, and had his mind broken by seeing Black Mage's face. Nobody knows where Black Mage came from - maybe not even him. We cannot be sure that Fighter's "anecdotes" are canon); and it's been shown that, although time travel is impossible, it can still be done. Black Mage's method of time travel might be what led to the twisted dimensions he hides under his robes and in the shadow of his hat.

Whether he remembers his past clearly or not, White Mage could be the one thing from his past that he wants to preserve or violate (depending on character interpretation).

This implies the previous WMG entry "Black Mage is not from the Clan Evil Wizardington", unless Onion Kid has a surprisingly coincidental meaningful last name.

  • Onion Kid's given name is "Rex", which means "king". It was in a in-comic newspaper once. Hmm.. maybe "King of destruction"?
  • Jossed.

Everything that happens, happens to hurt Black Mage; but it also happens to keep him alive.

Think about it. Black Mage is the Universe's Chew Toy but is constantly on the verge of attaining enough power to take his revenge on existence. The fastest and most irreversible way for him to take revenge would be for him to die and usurp hell (again); he'd be unstoppable once he removed his body from the picture. The Universe knows this.

Everything, big and small, is meant to neutralize the threat BM poses to life in general by keeping him alive and in constant pain or distraction through the Light Warriors and Sarda. Left to his own devices, BM would probably cause a great deal more destruction than he does at the moment, and might even usurp Chaos. Hence, a middle-management Dark God is now actively preventing BM from dying and giving him useless powers and even more useless advice.

  • This is probably true. Especially considering that when BM died, it was revealed that the only Restraining Bolt on his power was his physical body, and when that was gone he hence became a nigh-indestructible anthropomorphic personification of evil such that all the occupants of hell were scared of him. Noone is going to be happy if he ever finds a way to become incorporeal again. Screw beating Sarda, he'll end up annihilating most (if not all) of the multiverse.

Berserker's monocle is enchanted and makes him intelligent

Whenever he enters combat, he takes it off. There's a marked difference between his speech patterns and behavior in and out of combat. That in and of itself doesn't suggest much. But here, he gives Sarda repeated warnings; then he declares, eloquently, that he's given Sarda all the warnings he can and takes out the monocle - and immediately is reduced to mindless carnage mode. Clearly, he was warning Sarda not to make him take it off.

His teammates probably have a hell of a time getting it back on after every battle.

Sarda is Chaos

He's extremely powerful and revels in chaotic actions ("Omnipotent jackass" is a good description of him). He's been gathering the elemental orbs and laughed maniacally when he got the last one. He's definitely not a good character, either; and 8-Bit Theater's Garland is probably too much of a sissy to summon or become Chaos himself. The whole Dark Warriors thing was a red herring to keep the Light Warriors from suspecting Sarda.

Fighter will cuddle Black Mage to death

They are in one bed right now. Even if the "rule of three" that Thief made up keeps them from being gay, it doesn't keep Fighter from being Fighter nor from LOOOOOOOVING his "BFF".

Sarda is a Planeswalker

It would explane explain his unnaturally high magical power, nigh omnipotence and omnipresence, and his possibly being older than the universe. He planeswalked to the current universe knowing it was going to start, but he didn't realize he'd screw himself up so badly.

Judging from most of his powers being based on time and control, it's likely that his magic color is blue. This would mean that the four orbs are the universe's source of Green, Red, Blue, and...um....White? mana, and that he needs them to get out of the plane he's now trapped on or to rewrite the reailty that White Mage has made.

  • Interesting theory, but the four orbs wouldn't represent four of the colors of magic. Obviously fire is an element which mostly pertains to Red magic; the same goes for earth and Green magic. Then it gets a little fuzzy - water is obviously connected to Blue magic, but so is air, to a lesser degree. Hence, the four elemental orbs don't symbolize a clearly defined type of magic each. Now, note that the two colors which are left - Black and White - symbolize, yes, Chaos and Order respectively, which of course is the theme of the final battle, and, indeed, the ENTIRE PLOT OF THE COMIC.

Onion Kid is Sarda.

It's a bit odd that Sarda, cover boy for Jerkasses Monthly (and in 8-bit, that's something), would give a kid a home at all, let alone save his life without a big reason. It would take a lot of abuse to make someone hate the universe as much as Sarda. Stable Time Loop?

  • There is a much simpler reason: only Black Mage is allowed to hurt Onion Kid.
  • Alternately: Onion Kid has God Mode enabled, but all his hit point damage becomes psychological damage.
  • Now confirmed

Black Mage will gain Godly power

He will then escape into the 16-bit realms to burn and destroy the other gods. Understanding the threat, the gods or Sarda will use the power of the orbs, transform them into crystals, and create a 16-bit monster to use their powers to chase BM across the dimensions to kill him and end the threat. And the name of this creature that will go on a cross-dimensional voyage in search of Black Mage? Culex.

Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies.

Except Black Mage and Fighter. Because Black Mage is the Butt Monkey of the 8-bit universe, and Hell may have started making personalized hells to keep him from taking over again.

  • This is starting to look true as of the death of White Mage, and Fighter is no exception. Are we seeing a Creator Breakdown here, or ultimate plans coming to fruition?

Fillerdream Chick is more real than we think

And eventually, Fighter will disappear from the comic because he's her and she's waking up.

Chaos is Black Belt

Think about it. In the games, Chaos's origins involve time travel. We know that Black Belt's canon time-warping powers are fueled by eldritch angles: straight lines, columns, and such seem chaotic to him because of their basic Euclidean geometry. Even a simple order is madness to this being of chaos. Furthermore, because of the nonlinear time traveling powers he has, he may have become Chaos after time stopped or something; he's probably hated by the White Mages because of a "stable" time loop involving his two? deaths on their quest leading to him threatening them "first".

The entire world and its inhabitants are part of a video game RPG

  • That would be just silly. Never mind.
  • That would also mean the WMG at the top of the page is correct.

The strip will end with a touching death

Don't say who. Brian Clevinger could be reading this.

The strip will end with a Touch of Death.

Its target is the reader.

  • Nope, the author. He is the one who writes all of Sarda's lines and actions. And Red Mage is inside two collapsible holes, there's some dimensional "fuzziness" there.

The Onion Kid, Black Mage, Chaos, and Sarda are all the same person

The constant death surrounding Onion Kid drives him insane. Then he's sent back in time and becomes Black Mage. Black Mage appears to be gaining incredible power right now, perhaps becoming Chaos in some way. His being the universe's Chew Toy makes him eventually not care about anything, turning him into Sarda. This would also mean that he caused everything bad that ever happened to him, even if only indirectly.

  • With the exception of Black Mage, you are completely correct.


The Light Warriors won't care about the world being destroyed

... because, frankly, it sucks. Then, Sarda will destroy the world and reset it to its primal state; but then White Mage will appear. The last strip of the series will be the first one.

Black Mage has a Super-Powered Evil Side.

He has used it on the Dark Warriors. This power will compensate for his failing to absorb the knowledge of the Datasphere.

  • This is redundant, given that he's already evil; but after the events of the latest comics, it's true (except replace 'Dark Warriors' with 'Fiends').

Black Mage is Sarda

Self explanatory. For this WMG, it doesn't matter if Sarda = Onion Kid = Black Mage or just Sarda = Black Mage.

  • Theory 1: After White Mage is killed, Black Mage will try to use his powers to reset reality to save her life. So by sending White Mage there, for protection maybe, Black Mage/Sarda messed up the plan from the beginning. This creates a continuous time loop of Black Mage causing himself to suffer.
  • If Onion Kid is not Black Mage, then, as Sarda, Black Mage is treating Onion Kid as a Morality Chain.

If Black Mage ever tries to use his godlike power of evil to do anything good, he'll lose it.

Before he finishes whatever good thing he intends to do.

Fighter is Sarda

He will learn magic and attempt to fix everything. He just hurts Black Mage as Sarda as pre-emptive karmic vengeance. He also hurts White Mage because he hates having to go through with this over and over but is honor-bound to keep trying. Either something is forcing him to save White Mage, or it's just honor.

  • Onion Kid is Black Mage as an orphan. He's also trying to give Black Mage a better life, but he fails.

Black Mage will destroy the universe, and the strip will somehow make it seem like a happy ending

Let's face it, life in the world of Eight Bit Theater sucks. The best thing that could happen for everyone now is a quick death, which Black Mage is all too happy to deliver and all too capable of delivering. The last strip will be everybody else at peace in the afterlife, while Black Mage finally gets what he wants: to be all alone in an empty universe, for all eternity.

  • Alternately, the new universe will include a new him who is not so miserable, instead of merely destroying all life in the universe.

Thief and Fighter are not dead.

Oh come on, Fighter enters Too Dumb To Die territory at times, while Thief is sneakiness incarnate.

8-Bit Theater is going to end with Kill'Em All, a Gainax Ending, or some combination of both.

It would be hard to steer it in any other direction from the one it's on now without an impressive Ass Pull. Or maybe, just maybe, a Crowning Moment of Awesome, but only if we're lucky.

Thief stealing his powers from the future will be a plot point.

If the current Thief-as-ninja is dead, the earlier Thief-as-ninja won't be expected. He may attempt (successfully or unsuccessfully) to steal Black Mage's power (though that's unlikely), or he may just show up for one frame to steal the clothes off his future dead body, which is (possibly lying in a pool of clothing-staining blood, or coming back from three strips in the future of the past in the original red ninja suit that never existed to give himself a bottle of spray detergent).

The group who will defeat the main villains of the comic is...

The real Light Warriors (the Knight, White Wizard, Red Wizard, and Ninja who just missed becoming the Light Warriors), who have been getting Sarda's help from behind the scenes. In the latest comic (as of May 26, 2009), Sarda stated that the villains who have been making the world worse by simply existing are Black Mage, Thief, and Red Mage, with Fighter being a casualty. The real Light Warriors will show up and kill the villains and Fighter to save the world from their menace.

Healing Shivs (except maybe Sarda's) aren't magical.

They are like the blood-filled prop knives, only they don't retract much and they contain Healing Potion. It's been shown that smashing a healing potion into one's face is enough to get the effect, and so it could be that it just needs to get into the blood. Healing Shivs may run out; if they don't, then the healing potions could be the excrement of a slug, and little slugs are contained in the handles of every Healing Shiv.

Onion Kid is going to die.

Unless Sarda is lying, it's been established that Onion Kid grows up to be him. If this is so, he has made two critical errors:

  1. He brought his utterly defenseless past self to an epic battle that is bound to have a lot of collateral damage.
  2. He revealed this fact to the psycho trying to kill him.

Black Mage will realize that killing the helpless Onion Kid will erase Sarda from existence. This will also mean that he will inadvertently achieve his lifelong goal of destroying the universe; if Onion Kid never lives to become Sarda, he can't send White Mage back in time to create the universe.

  • Considering that Sarda doesn't realize that everything that happened to him was an accident, Onion Kid may learn that everything was a total accident and not aimed at him. Since Sarda is probably the reason the Universe hates Black Mage and by extension the reason Black Mage hates the Universe, this will cause Sarda to cease to exist as a Jerkass. Black Mage will then perform a Heel Face Turn.
  • Theoretically Jossed here, but with Fighter and Red Mage around, it's still slightly possible.
  • One major problem with the theory: To kill Onion Kid, the Light Warriors will have to go through Sarda. You know, the guy who can rewrite reality? The guy who can, in the split second between your attacking and your attack landing, redirect it to hit you in the balls? Come on, people.
  • And now...
    • Or not. Looks like the Onion Kid isn't going to die. Not any time soon, anyway.

The reason the universe is so messed up is because of White Mage

It's not her fault, mind you. She just didn't know infant universes were so suggestible. But when she said, "nothing good can come of this"...

The main characters are all the same age as the Onion Kid, making them all little kids

Think about it: Most of the main characters use the sprites from Final Fantasy I, and the class upgraded sprites come from FF3. In FF3, the Onion Kid can become the other job classes, thus establishing that all job classes are the same age. Therefore, everyone from White Mage to Fighter has to be the same age as the Onion Kid, who is probably between eight and twelve years old.

It just makes everything that much more messed up if Black Mage is eight years old.

  • Query: did any FF game include the phrase "make him regret being born a man?"

When Sarda gets bored, he'll anti-climactically destroy the Light Warriors.

Since it's par for the course.

White Mage will pull a Big Damn Heroes.

She owes Red Mage her life and genuinely likes Fighter. She could be the unforeseen problem in Sarda's plan, showing up after Onion Kid leaves.

  • Well, the universe does obey her commands.
    • It did when it was a newborn. There's no indication that it still does now that billions upon billions of years have passed.
      • Considering that Black Mage is still a mass-murdering psycho, we can safely guess that her praying for his death didn't work. Thus, the universe no longer responds to her wishes.
        • But she prayed for his death before she obtained control over the universe.
          • No, she prayed for his death billions of years afterward. It doesn't matter if that comic came later; thanks to the Stable Time Loop, White Mage has always been the creator of the universe.
            • In normal time she prayed for his death billions of years afterwards, but from White Mage's perspective, she prayed for his death before. She didn't have power over creation until after Sarda sent her back in time. The reason Sarda did that was to keep her from obtaining power over creation so he could get it, which means White Mage didn't always have it. I hate Time Travel.
    • Confirmed epically.

Episode 434 is a Chekhov's Boomerang.

Quoth Red Mage:

"That's not how it works. There is no grand story to history. Things just happen. It's the act of looking back on it that interposes a sense of narrative."

This is the complete opposite of what Sarda says about how time works. One of the two will be proven correct, possibly right about now. Keep in mind, we never heard Red Mage say anything before "it's not too late."

Sarda will imprison the Light Warriors in the Orbs

Due to the corrupted nature of causality, even if Sarda wanted to kill them, he can't because he doesn't remember doing it and having it stick.

White Mage's future

She will manifest as God after her death and revival and save them, now that she understands the tragic nature of existence. Then she will combine them to form Chaos and have the real Light warriors kill it.

Black Mage will defeat Sarda with a Goblin Punch

Sarda won't expect it, since it's a kick, not a punch, and there aren't any goblins around for miles.

The Light Warriors will change the past and future, despite what Sarda says.

Think about it: Sarda says that they did not change the future by killing Onion Kid because Sarda's still there, and he knows that they don't kill him because none of the stuff they plan to do if they defeat him happens.

However, remember what happened in Final Fantasy I? There's an endless time loop. The fiends send Garland back in time, Garland defeats the Light Warriors in the past, Garland sends the fiends to present time, and the whole thing starts all over again. But in FFI, the warriors break the cycle by killing Chaos.

Something similar will happen here. They'll screw up the timeline just like they've screwed up everything else. After the timeline gets screwed up, the Light Warriors will end up as alternate versions of themselves (with BM as a White Mage): the Real Light Warriors.

Fighter is going to fulfill his dreams.

Sarda is lying and is leading Black Mage to believe that they will all die without fulfilling their life's goals. It would especially hurt Black Mage to find out Fighter succeeds and survives even though Sarda said he wouldn't.

Black Mage is only psychotic because he can see the future.

  • Let's face it, he accurately predicted at least one conversation while pinned to the front of a deathtrap. 700 strips in advance. He saw, on some level, the deeds he would commit when he was a child, and then suppressed the memory as part of a Freak-Out that turned him straight-out psycho. Chicken, meet egg.
    • He just said some day they'd look back on it and laugh. He didn't "predict" the dialogue foreshadowed in that strip.
    • Wasn't that a Flash Forward?
      • Hey, at least I didn't imply he was a Time Lord.

The Light Warriors will kill Sarda

  • Sarda isn't omniscient, as evidenced by his interaction with White Mage at the dawn of the universe. Onion Kid doesn't witness the end of the confrontation between the Light Warriors and Sarda because Sarda sent him away. Therefore, all we know is that logically Onion Kid doesn't hear about the Light Warriors after the confrontation. Since they'd have no need to be running around doing random chores for Sarda once they've killed him, there's nothing inconsistent with Sarda's view of time if they kill him now.
    • Except the Light Warriors have said what they plan to do after killing Sarda, and Sarda tells them that none of it happens, so something has to happen to them to stop, say, Black Mage from razing the earth, etc.
      • Sarda's knowledge of this comes from his time as Onion Kid. Given that the Light Warriors are now in a temporospatial paradox outside of the normal functions of time and space, it's entirely possible that when they leave, it will be years later (especially since, given recent events Red Mage apparently doesn't know how to leave, leaving them once again to the tender mercies of Murphy), after Onion Kid has already become Sarda and sent himself back in time. Sarda's memories would still be accurate (if misleading) and the Light Warriors could still kill him.

The Elemental Orbs aren't. The real ones, that is.

The "Orb of Air" is a hover charm, the others are all just cheap baubles. The real Warriors of Light show up at the end and kill the "Warriors of Light", the Warriors of Dark escape, Sarda goes nuts and becomes Chaos, and the Real Warriors of Light think the whole confusion is something to do with them breaking a Stable Time Loop.

When the Light Warriors try to get out of Red Mage's portable holes, they will end up in the universe of a completely different game.

Quite likely Dungeons and Dragons, or a similar tabletop game that works according to Red Mage's ideas of how the world should work (a Munchkin RPG, perhaps?) If the inside of the holes are a pocket dimension, and the outside of each hole is on the inside of the other hole, there need be no connection to the world of 8BT, and Sarda could just assume they were dead since they were no longer in the universe.

  • Same as the above but they end up in the Order of the Stick universe. Xykon is Black Mage (transfering his black magic skills into Necromancy) (follows the above theory that Black Mage is a Child). Thief is the father of Pompey (that's where the evil came from). Red Mage is Tyrinar the Bloody. White Mage was ressurrected and she married Fighter and is the mother of Haley Starshine (Umm.. White Magic prolonged both of their lives). Garland was right about Forest Goblins because they're always LawfulEvil. The Sarda killed and replaced the Snarl and will destroy the Universe just to kill Black Mage.

The Light Warriors are stuck in Red Mage's portable holes. Forever.

They don't die, the Warriors of Dark take over everything, and Onion Kid grows up in a world not ruled over/destroyed by the Warriors of Light. Sarda might kill the Real Warriors of Light, might not, they could just not show up for the rest of the strip.

Swordtown is the Unlimited Blade Works

Where else would Fighter get all those swords when he's on a flying deathtrap?

Fighter is Emiya Shirou.

Come on, this is fairly obvious. They're both rather dim young men with red hair and an obsession with swords. And if the WMG about Swordtown being Unlimited Blade Works is true, then....

Drizzl's inexplicable mental capacity increase is due to Cuteness Proximity

Without all those spiders around, Drizzl's brain no longer has spiders on the brain, allowing him to think clearly. As for why he finds spiders so cute, come on, he's a blatant Dark Elf parody.

Sarda will erase existence and replace it with somewhere that isn't such a Crapsack World

Because really, it deserves it.

  • To extend this, the thing he replaces it with will be whatever it is that the author does next.
    • If Sarda is ever going to replace reality, wouldn't it already be replaced? Unless he rewrites the world from a future point, as opposed to going to the start of history. (Where White Mage beat him to creating the current reality.)
    • ... I think my theory just canceled itself out. :D;;

"Darko", Black Mage's Avatar, is really Magus.

  • Am I the only one who thinks that "Darko" using Magus's sprites is a bit TOO coinicidental? My guess is that Magus got stuck working for Chaos after his plat to destroy Lavos went wrong, and now he's trying to get out of it by manipulating Black Mage into destroying the Univirse.

The universe is warping due to the death of White Mage.

Think about it. Red Mage and Thief actually start acting like heroes, which is crazy, and the universe just lost his/her/its mommy. It also explains Black Mage getting arguably worse, as Blue Mages lose their souls in FF. Fighter is stupid enough to warp reality back, though he is still affected (link is a rather huge spoiler). This also explains the lapse in physics, though that could happen regardless.

  • Sarda absorbing the power of the orbs, and possibly Black Mage's Evil Overflow, is supposed to be impossible. According to the data sphere, which is supposed to be perfectly accurate and comprehensive on the subject, it couldn't exist at the time of asking even by the standards of the 8BT universe, so something's got to be messing with reality more than usual.

White mage isn't dead

Think about what we don't see for several panels when Thief attacks BM. Think about the ellipses leading into RM's line. The 'you didn't see' is a favorite trick of the author.

  • That looked like a pretty strong white magic spell, and although it could have been an escape spell, I doubt it was. And why would anyone use a non-Revive or an Teleport spell on a corpse? All reasons I figured this guess was the case from the strip after it happened.

The comic will end with BM turning good.

OK, Sarda says that he grew up in a world no longer terrorized by the LW. But it doesn't look like they would actually bite the dust anytime soon. Why? Because Thief simply fails with plan, Red Mage and Fighter are actually quite harmless when not paired with the other LW and BM... turns good. Brian is known for pulling turns that nobody would exspect. Well, who would exspect THIS?!

  • You, apparently.

Sarda isn't going to kill the Light Warriors, instead subjecting them to a Fate Worse Than Death

Having recently absorbed Black Mage's evil has made him hate them even more, and while he was originally planning their death, subjecting them to an eternity of torture might do just as well. Fighter might get a Mercy Kill, though.

  • To extend this, each Light Warrior will get their own personal Ironic Hell:
    • Fighter: Erm... there isn't a whole lot that'll get to this guy, but a world without Black Mage might do it.
    • Red Mage: A world where Red Mage is completely powerless.
    • Thief: We've already seen his personal hell: A world with nothing to steal.
    • Black Mage: In an ironic twist, Black Mage's personal hell will be exactly the same as the current universe, but he won't be able to kill anything.
      • So it's basically business as usual, only without throwaway/blowaway/stabaway extras?
  • As of so far, confirmed.

Sarda will be killed by Dragoon

For one thing, although he's a little far away, Dragoon hasn't really been harmed. Plus, he can cause a lot of damage with just one attack, provided he has a clear line-of-sight. Sarda's abilities won't do him much good if he doesn't have a working brain to use them with.

The Real Light Warriors are Chekhov's Gunmen

Practically everything else has already come into play in the finale.

Sarda is just screwing with Light Warriors one last time in this strip.

He'll say that he lets them go, but when they'll get distracted, celebrating their own survival, he'll suddenly reappear and kill them.

Sarda is becoming Chaos

The Light Warriors have fought every major other boss from the original game in some form or fashion. Only one left.

  • Pretty much, yeah. Could be a Red Herring that leads toward the jossing, but seems unlikely.
    • Thoroughly and completely confirmed.

Black Belt kept getting lost because the entire univarse was in Red Mage's A-Hole.

He's used to being in the universe. This is why Sarda could absorb the power of the Orbs. It backfired shortly after Red Mage un-reversed his A-Hole. If Black Belt wasn't really most sincerely dead, he would now be the person in the universe with the best sense of direction ever.

The comic will end on either Strip #1200 or #1234

They're nifty numbers, we're at the end of the game, and Brian has proved that he has most of his script worked out.

The Bard will appear and try to defeat Chaos/Sarda

This comic has had a history of making brick jokes into plot points. He will be an actually likable charcter, but will sacrifice his existance to destroy Chaos but it it doesn't work.

Bard would have been the group's moral compass

He would have, through the magic of song, helped the group get along with each other and truly overcome the flaws in their character. Thief would realize that stealing for himself means nothing if he's unloved; Black Mage would have realized just how bad he was and by now would have something of a relationship with White Mage; Red Mage would have learned to make actually viable plans; Fighter would have come around to realize just how bad his teammates were and worked to redeem them.

Therefore, because Sarda Ret-Gone'd him out of existence, he really doomed the world.

Warmech will show up out of nowhere and waste Chaos with his "Human Laser"

Works on several levels:

  • In the original Final Fantasy, the Warmech had a higher attack than Chaos
  • The Warmech is notorious for showing up as a random encounter and laying waste to unsuspecting parties.
  • Chaos getting killed without actually doing anything after the tremendous buildup would be a fitting Anticlimax for the comic.
  • We haven't seen Warmech in a while, which brings up the Brick Joke thing mentioned above.
  • It might kill the Light Warriors along with Chaos, which is also a fitting Anticlimax.

The Light Warriors will come up with a convoluted scheme to defeat Chaos which would actually work...but doesn't because Chaos has the real Armor of Invincibility.

The ultimate Brick Joke, referring back to the first page of the comic.

The paradox of [spoiler 1] is actually what sent [spoiler 2] back to the beginning of existence in the first place.

Spoiler 1: Chaos destroying everything Spoiler 2: Onion Kid.[1] He is already broken, from the non-euclidean weirdness of seeing Black Mage's face ("Is this madness... or is it magic?"), so it would be little problem to fall out of time, spend a few decades learning enough magic to get back into time at the beginning, and then use it all up because some jerk got to skip the four seconds of transit time by going to the beginning from inside the universe.

White Mage is preventing [2] from destroying the universe.

Because White Magic is the ultimate expression of order in a magical society, and, well, the universe listens to whatever she wants, which I don't recall having been undone.

Black Belt is the local equivalent of Suzumiya Haruhi (or possibly Kyon).

Hear me out, that was just the easiest way to explain it without having to resort to spoilermarks in the title. Black Belt got so lost he went back in time. Why not even more so? Why not get so lost that he gains the power of God/a god from being the first being present at the Creation, and possibly even causing it? White Mage appears to be the God because Black Belt is so intensely loyal to her, that once he gained competence after death and powerup, he decided to bend the universe to whatever she wished. And that's why Black Belt can never be revived.

The real light warriors will show up to destroy Chaos

It'd be both a) anticlimactic, and b) part of the prophecy.

Fighter's Plan

In their attempts to get back from the elven lands, something happened; the Light Warriors actually became heroes. Naturally, Sarda erased that part from existence, so it never happened. But, through some fluke, Fighter remembered it. He knew the others could be heroes, and devoted himself towards achieving that goal. He kept trying to manipulate the others into being heroes. He may also realise that killing BM would do more harm than good, so he works to keep him alive. When BM killed White Mage, Fighter realized his plan just wouldn't work. Then, when Chaos showed up, he knew they were doomed, and killed himself before things got worse.

Fighter had the Armor of Invincibility all along.

It's how he survived everything. Unfortunately, it doesn't protect against brain damage. Armed with this, he will eventually defeat Chaos. Which leads to my next guess:

Regardless of how the fight with Chaos goes, Bahamut will destroy the world.

It fits with Clevinger's style: taking things already set up and forgotten, and being very anticlimactic.

The real Light Warriors defeated Chaos

The last comic indicated they just saved the multiverse by defeating a sentient hole in time. Chaos is trying to destroy the universe via temporal paradox. That would be anticlimactic, and would make a good Brick Joke.

Black Mage is a dwarf

He is a dwarf. Think about it. He's quite short compared to the other characters and the only characters he's eye-level with are dwarves such as Beserker and the random dwarves of Dwarfland. Not only this, but one of Black Mage's defining features is that his face is always shrouded in shadow. Who else has faces like this? The dwarves do.

The Light Warriors will fail to stop Chaos, who destroys the universe

  • Could there be a greater Anticlimax than "the heroes go on a lengthy quest to defeat the great evil...and fail"?
    • 2 ways: that someone else saves it You Are Too Late and no one informs them, or Chaos doesn't bother.

Chaos won't win.

He'll (She'll? It'll?) wait until the Light Warriors' time is up - or at some other point (what the hell would Chaos care?) - and then toy with the Light Warriors. At some point all four will be subdued entirely - at which point Chaos will decide to destroy them all - starting with Black Mage.

Big mistake.

As he walks up to BM to waste him forever... BM's jacket will have a hole in it. BM's total lack of hygiene will overload Chaos and destroy him.

Alternatively something with BM's non-euclidean face will be "too much" for Chaos.

Fighter is the main character

The rest of the guys are just supporting class. Fighter is the only one who acts like a real hero, he's the only one that can use the uber weapons and, as evidenced by the latest comics, the day/night cycle is tied to Fighter's diurnal cycle, just like in a JRPG!

EVERYONE, including Warmech, Dragoon, and other forgotten characters will show up to battle Chaos in a gigantic Battle Royale With Cheese.

This goes along with the above theories about Dragoon and Warmech showing up to defeat Chaos.

Everything Black Mage has ever done is The Plan to save the world

Black Mage manages to fail at pretty much everything he has ever done. However, most of the time his goals are to destroy the world and cause destruction. The reason for this is that Black Mage has specifically engineered it like this to ensure that none of the cosmic horrors out to destroy the world can succeed, by allying himself with them he ensures their failure. Black Mage acts like he does so White Mage will dislike him immensely, since he knows she controls the universe and will make him fail if she dislikes him. In truth, Black Mage is actually the most valiant and intelligent character in the comic, he silently suffers and pretends to be someone incredibly unlikeable and psychotic so that the universe can live on.

The comic will end with a brick joke pertaining to the Cave of No Return.

Brian has gone further and further back for his brick jokes. The next logical step is for the "Light" warriors to enter or talk about the Cave of No Return.

White Mage and her team will attempt to either kill or forcefully "purify" the Light Warriors

Now that chaos is dead, she has no reason to be nice to them any longer. Well, Red Mage and Fighter might be spared. Fighter's a nice guy and Red Mage saved her life. But BM and Thief are gonna get it.

The ending is an elaborate Batman Gambit...

...by Brian Clevinger himself. Assuming that there is no sudden double-twist on one of the most massive anticlimaxes ever to walk the earth, readers of 8-Bit Theater will be directed to his other comics under the pretense of "Now, want to see what Brian can do at the top of his game while not going to elaborate lengths to mess with his audience?" Anyone not reading them already will rush over, hoping that he'll do it "right" this time. Only time will tell if they are walking into the same trap. (This, of course, assumes that he had the likes of Atomic Robo and How I Killed Your Master in mind way back in 2001 and simply chose not to act on them until relatively recently, because The Plan dictated as much.)

The four white mages are all White Mage at different points of history.

Why not add a Mind Screw to this Anticlimax Brick Joke?

The Unbound Nexus is the True Final Boss.

Because with all the Anticlimaxes, what's left to do but subvert them with one of the few Chekhov's Guns yet to be fired?

Black Mae Can't Help but Love White Mage

White Mage created the universe in it's first few seconds, and all was pure and good. Then Sadra who has deep, well founded, hatred for Black Mage began to guide the universe. He was guiding it so that when Black Mage did come into existence his life would be nothing but pain, but a little of White Mage's goodness still exist even after his infinity of work. Black Mage is born and literally the universe hates him. His entire life is one torture after another, which leads him to hating everyone and everything, but he never dies because that one piece of WM in the beginning prevents that from happening. Then one day he sees White Mage; the one being who helped make the universe slightly livable for him and he falls hopelessly in love, but he cannot overcome Sadra's influence over the rest of the universe, which molded him into the evil creature he is today, cannot allow him to be with her. So his love is hopeless and he has literally nothing left.

1225 is a Christmas Episode.

Pointless, an anticlimax to both the strip (being the epilogue) and the wait (several weeks at least), and, well, 12/25.

  • Jossed about the epilogue, but thanks to the idiosyncratic numbering 1225 could still be a Christmas episode.

The real ending of 8-Bit Theater will be an unexpected crossover Gainax Ending.

Black Mage will attempt one last time to impress White Mage by doing some geniunely good deeds. Of course, this being Black Mage, this deeds won't actually be genuine and just an underhanded scheme to trick her and earn false credit for everything. Tired of dealing with him, White Mage crosses over to our world and watches Mystery Science Theater 3000, asking an unseen someone "...And they always watch things like this?" Returning to their world, she then turns Black Mage, Fighter, Thief and Red Mage in Expys of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 crew and sends them off to the same fate, finally explaining the Theater part of the title!

...Okay, I know it's a Mind Screw, but I actually had a dream about the comic ending just like this. Therefore it must be true!

The whole thing is a play put on by actors retelling the events.

Our 'heroes' comissoned the play to spread the word of their great deeds and get all the credit for saving the world; however, Black Mage, Thief and Red Mage argued so much about how to alter the story to make them look better that they didn't notice Fighter merrily recounting the whole truth and nothing but to the playwrights. Realizing they'd just been offered comic gold, the writers agreed and turned the story into what we've been reading all this time.

Fighter was originally a member of the same order as Red Mage.

Because he was more interested in the physical side of Red Magery than the magical side he took Intelligence as a dump stat to such a massive degree that he became dumb enough to completely forget his original class and wandered off to find a dojo to train at with only his preference for wearing red remaining to hint at his true identity.

All the other Red Mages thought that he'd vanished because he died somehow, which is why Red Mage thinks that he's the last surviving member of the order by the time the comic starts, but he's actually the very epitome of everything their order stands for by having min-maxed his way to nigh-on perfection in his favored class. He "can block any attack and kill anything that bleeds"!

FF 1 is what REALLY happened in 8 Bit Theater

This really happens.

The epilogue takes place three years after the end, that one takes place ten. Enough time for all of them to get back their abilities, Thief have a change of heart, Red Mage take over Wizards of the Coast (Maybe with the help of Dragoon), Fighter make a school of heroes and Black Mage destroy France.

Black Mage and Fighter are dead in the ending.

They'll adventure together in the after life for eternity. It's heaven for Fighter and hell for Black Mage.

King Steve is the future founder of the Shinra Company.

C'mon, drilling for mana?

The universe hates Black Mage because of White Mage.

WM is basically god, and from her point of view she met BM before that, and she hates BM, so the universe read her mind, so now the universe hates BM. okay that just sounds stupid.

Black Mage is Fighter's/White Mage's Super-Powered Evil Side, or vice versa

Given physical form. It's why BM can never kill Fighter, and Fighter think they're friends. They're two sides of the same coin. Alternatively, Black Mage is the evil of White Mage ,also given physical form. This is why Black Mage lusts after her-its an attempt to merge back with White Mage. Though it could be Fighter/White Mage is BM's conscience, having seperated for survival.

Black Mage doesn't just want destroy the universe.

BM can sub-consciously break the fourth wall, and is pissed at the creator for making him such a Butt Monkey. If he succeeds in destroying the universe, he'll absorb its power and reach our own world, to kill the author. Naturally, since this is BM, he'll also slaughter everyone else on our world to.

After trying to take over Hell, Black Mage was made immortal.

We saw how dangerous he was as Ruler of Hell. The demons there made sure he can't ever die again, to prevent him from going back there. BM will probably age though, reducing him to an And I Must Scream state

Black Mage, Red Mage, Black Belt, and Fighter died for real.

Except they were reincarnated as DUNE the Fighter, SPUD the Black Belt, JOJO the Red Mage, and LEO the Black Mage. These four Light Warriors, however, realized the mistakes made in their respective past lives. Thus causing DUNE to be smart and the leader, SPUD to join the team, JOJO to flaunt his powers by using them, and LEO to be slick and effective. In the universe they were reborn in, the Dark Warriors really are evil, the villagers really are good, etc.

Black Mage and White Mage will have a child.

In the epilogue, White Mage is looking for Black Mage and Fighter. She will eventually find them. The universe will proceed to turn on its axis and all reality will combust as she and Black Mage make mediocre love in a location that will provide for maximum humor. Their child, born from the union of goodness and ultimate evil, will be Grey Mage, and will go on to create the Neutrals.

Sarda was the old man that took Black Mage and Fighter's gold in exchange for the Armor of Invincibility quest, setting the plot into motion

  • It insured that Black Mage would meet fighter, that they would return to town to find the Old Man and see the Light Warrior recuitment poster, driven the Onion Kid insane etc. Had they not been sent on the Armor Quest, the presumebly would have moved on from to the next city instead of back tracking.

Fighter became a Drownball Champion because Dr. Swordopolis made a cut in the fabric of reality

Take, for example, this comic: The good Doctor's second sentence states "One where, y'know, you (Fighter) don't drown." This can be seen casually as "Fighter doesn't drown this time." But, after re-reading the comic, this troper has taken it to believe Mr. Clevinger meant it that Fighter CAN'T physically drown, not because he's too stupid, as the other Light Warriors believe, but because Dr. Swordopolis REMOVED his ability to drown, thus granting him Super Not-Drowning Skills.

There will be a sequel called "16-Bit Theater"

It'll most likely be based on Final Fantasy V (or use the most sprites from it) because of the Class System.

  1. ↑ Annoying that only one footnote works, and glitches in the way to disallow a spoilermark or second footnote
  2. ↑ Chaos
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