< "The Reason You Suck" Speech

"The Reason You Suck" Speech/Comic Books

  • Megatron does one of these in the climax of the first arc of the Dreamwave Transformers comic, punctuated by people in the battle zone acting like total bastards. Prime gets to answer with his own Shut UP, Hannibal speech accompanied by people putting their best sides forward, and punctuated by a group of them dropping half a dozen trucks on Megatron's head to return the favor.
  • The Kingpin gets a pretty awesome one in Ultimate Spider-Man. After teaming up with a group of other heroes to bring him down, Spidey is betrayed and captured and the Kingpin proceeds to explain to him that he knew about their plan all along and doesn't care, and goes on to tell him that he owns the rights to his image, meaning every act of heroism Spider-Man performs is indirectly funding his criminal empire. Then he lets him go, so he can make more money out of him.
    • Turned around during the One More Day storyline when Spidey breaks INTO jail to showdown with the Kingpin after he sent a sniper to kill him and hit aunt May instead. Kingpin is all suited up and ready to fight when Spidey shows up back in the black costume. He proceeds to humiliate Kingpin in a fist fight in front of all the other inmates, pointing out that for all his influence and power, Spider-Man could crush him like an insect because he's physically just an impressive specimen of normal humanity, Spider-Man is SUPERhuman.
  • In issue #175 of Archie Comics Sonic the Hedgehog, Dr. Eggman lays down a brutal one, along with an epic beatdown, on Sonic.

"I'm surprised you retain your confidence after so many failures, or did you forget what happened to Tommy Turtle and Sir Connery? You never deroboticized your friends and family. And your father is still a robot! Or how about your love-life, eh? Sally, Mina, even Fiona! So... How come you're all alone? [...] I want our last game to have some merit. [...] You thought your pithy resistance actually had some kind of toe-hold against my empire? The world fell to me so quickly, so easily, that I was left with nothing to do! I allowed you Freedom Fighters to exist so that I might entertain myself! I will concede that you all have won my war game more times then not, but so what? Is Mobius any more free now than it was years ago? [...] Hahaha! Oh, your futile actions amuse me so! You'll never win this battle, Sonic, you can't! You were finished before the Egg Fleet even began bombardment. This battle suit is specifically designed to match and outclass your speed and strength! [...] Like I said, Sonic... You're outmatched, outclassed... you're not fast enough... you're not strong enough... and you certainly aren't smart enough to defeat me. [...] I'm not playing with you, rodent. Run-- Run all over the world and try to start a new Freedom Fighter group. You will find no one. So run -- For the rest of your life -- and never escape the humiliation of today."

    • In a rare heroic example of the trope, Sonic fires one back in issue #200.

"Impressive resume, Doc. You missed a couple of key points, though. Like how a group of kids with no real training took back that city. And you croaked, more or less. [...] And about that empire of yours... you know about all the places you don't control, right? [...] The United Federation alone has at least a half-dozen city-states in it! And then there's all the Freedom Fighter groups fighting you all over the world every day. And you aren't too popular in the regions that you DO outright control. You can't really claim to "control" the planet when you're fighting for it your every waking hour! Sure, you beat me fair and square not long ago. I'll give you props for that. But how many badniks have I stomped? How many times have I sent you packing? I've beaten you before, Eggman. A lot. And I'll do it again."

    • Issue #192 has Jules delivering one to Scourge that actually sends him him away in tears.

What's to be afraid of? This world is filled with heroic beings that fight a single great evil. That tells me that your world is full of cowards, each doing their part to ruin their world. That's why you don't scare me --because I know, at your core, you're a coward too. [...] That's your answer to it all? Violent takeover and anarchy? [...] Are you trying to shock me? Intimidate me? That falls short when the world conquering "king" has to sneak in during the middle of the night to get a leg up on my boy. [...] I am not your father. I was on the front lines of the Great War. I won't go quietly. And while you may not care about the loss of your Jules, I'm certain my son will be very upset. Do you want that on your head too?

    • Issue 235 has Sonic handing out a scathing one to Silver, after the former is fed up with the latter's Inspector Javert tendencies. For emphasis, Sonic delivers it by first smashing Silver through a wall, and nearly spin dashing him to oblivion.

Listen! There. Is. No Traitor. I believe in my friends. I believe you're a flake. Each one of them is a hundred times the hero you want to be. Now. Get. Out. Go. Home....Get out of my sight."

  • X-51 does this to the Watcher in Earth X, telling Uatu that his inaction, his refusal to help despite constantly witnessing suffering on a global scale, that was true evil.
  • Emma Frost accidentally gets one from her high school nemesis when she inadvertently reads the girl's mind during fencing practice. Upon learning that the girl was secretly scared of Emma, Emma was able to disarm her and win the fight.
  • Watchmen:

Dr. Manhattan: I am disappointed, Veidt. Very disappointed. Restructuring myself after the subtraction of my intrinsic field was the first trick I learned. It didn't kill Osterman... Did you think it would kill me? I've walked across the Sun. I've seen events so tiny and so fast they hardly can be said to have occurred at all, but you... You are a man. And the world's smartest man means no more to me than does its smartest termite.

  • Morpheus delivers a classic one to the Corinthian, whom he created to be a revelatory nightmare, but who has settled for being a superpowered Serial Killer. Then he melts the Corinthian down and starts over.
  • In V for Vendetta, V sneaks into a TV station and replaces the usual broadcast (the evening news and bad sitcoms) with a recording of him giving the British public, and the human race in general, a severe dressing-down.
    • Lewis Prothero enjoys giving these to atheists, Muslims, homosexuals and immigrants on his evening television show.
  • Another heroic example: Spider-Man vs. Fusion, who held Spidey responsible for the death of his son. Spidey delivers his speech while lying on the floor with a broken neck.

Spidey: Keep talking... maybe it'll drown out the sound of your own guilt.
[Later] You're just a poor man's Mysterio, and I just got you figured out.

May Parker: He worshipped you people. You know that, don't you? He thought of you as--as the knights of the round table. He put on that costume to be like you. He wanted to earn a place at your table. And you people come into his life--He--you promised to train him? And what did you do? Nothing!! He was fine before he met you. He was doing fine.

  • The Guardian Devil storyline in Daredevil. Mysterio, after learning he's dying, launches a Xanatos Gambit to ruin Daredevil's life and goad him into killing Mysterio. Daredevil beats him down, and then verbally tears the plan and Mysterio to pieces.

Daredevil: (The scheme) Was nothing more than B-Movie material. An amalgam of whorish, cliched devices.
And trying to drive me insane? Kingpin nearly did it once. But you're no Kingpin. You're not even close. You think you've spun some sort of grand swan-song epic? Think again. You've just told yet another tale of a so-called super-genius endeavoring to drive his arch-nemesis... or, in this case, his adopted arch-nemesis... insane.
Your whole existence is counterfeit. You've never had an original thought in your life. You're a product of too many movies and too much T.V. Regurgitating only what's gone before.
You're a Human Xerox, at best.

Sue Richards: You're pathetic. One of the best minds on the planet and you waste it for years, doing magic tricks — then trying to best a man who'd never really harm you, despite your endless provocation. But that's the difference between my husband and me. He doesn't understand revenge. Me? I can't decide which of the many ways I can hurt you I'm going to use.

  • In Wanted, Wesley Gibson gives one of these to the reader-- which may be the only case to date of a "The Reason You Suck" Speech actually being used to tell the audience "you suck".
  • In the original G.I. Joe comic, Cobra Commander hands one of these to Serpentor after straight-up kicking his ass, claiming the reason he lost was because out of all the DNA of all the great conquerors he's made up of, he's missing the DNA of the greatest one of them all, Cobra Commander's! Also counts as a Badass Boast on CC's part.
  • Superman delivers one of these to Lana Lang after she detonated a thousand kryptonite bombs around the world as part of a Xanatos Gambit, an action that nearly made the planet uninhabitable not only to Superman, but to anyone with Kryptonian DNA, including Power Girl, Supergirl, Superboy, and Krypto. After the radioactive mess is cleaned up, Supes has a chat with Lana.

Superman: "You might wonder sometimes--I know I have-- what life would have been like had we... had you and I... Had it been you instead of Lois. And you might have wondered why it wasn't you instead of Lois... Lois would never have pushed that button."

"You've always claimed you could make this world a paradise if I weren't around to stop you. You had a year without me around. What have you done?"

  • Tom Noir gives one to John Horus, superhero who killed U.S. president at the end of Black Summer:

Tom Noir: You want to change the nature of justice in America and you kill a president? What did you think that made you? Two-fisted Super-Jesus for the American Way? It made you Lee Harvey Oswald, you prick. You know what? Lots of people hated John F. Kennedy. He barely got elected. But Lee Harvey Oswald isn't remembered as an American hero. Just a prick with a gun who killed the president. That's you now, John.

  • Delivered to Blue Beetle Ted Kord by many other superheroes in the issue he died, including Superman and Martian Manhunter. It makes you wonder how pathetic a hero has to be before Superman decides to give him one of these.
    • And how horrific it must have been when everyone discovered he was the Only Sane Man and had in fact figured out the entire OMAC conspiracy... getting a bullet to the head for his troubles.
  • In Incorruptible #20, Hayes Bellamy delivers one to Max Damage while torturing him. He ends his speech with one Armor-Piercing Question:

Bellamy: Have you really made a difference for even one person?

    • After Max's former sidekick Jailbait comes to the rescue and kills Bellamy before leaving for parts unknown, Max has an answer:

Max: That's one, Bellamy. There'll be more.

  • In issue #4 of Mega Man, Wily tries giving one to Mega Man. It doesn't faze him.

Wily: "Handle" me? You can't handle me! You're a helper robot, Rock! You hand tools to competent people! You're no great warrior! You're a janitor! A gofer! A lackey! I could've stolen you with the rest of the Robot Masters, but I didn't. And do you know why? You weren't worth the effort! So why don't you stop hiding so I can vaporize you and save you any further embarrassment?

Mega Man: I'm not embarrassed, Dr. Wily. I have a creator who cares for me and does all he can to support me. I have a sister who loves me and forgave me for being stupid. You had to steal all Dr. Light's robots to get attention. Even though you reprogrammed them, you couldn't stop a "lackey" like me. So which of us should really be embarrassed, Doctor Wily?

  • In Avengers: The Initiative #3, when Komodo has Spider-Man pinned down with a device to remove his powers just ready to stick into him and Spidey cracks a joke about the situation, Komodo doesn't expect that her snide retort is going to lead to a full-scale demolition of her in response:

Komodo: Always with the jokes, huh?
Spider-Man: Fine. You want me to be serious? I can do serious. You've already lost.
Komodo: No way. I've only got to prick you once, and-
Spider-Man: Not gonna happen. You know why? Because I'm Spider-Man. And you're a dollar store version of the Lizard. See, I beat down guys like Doc Ock, Sandman and Venom all the time. And you're just not in their league. Oh, I'm going to win. And after you've crawled back home with your tail between your legs, you know what happens then? Then your buddies are going to stick one of those things into you!
Komodo: What? No...
Spider-Man: Ah -- you blinked. [He punches her so hard it sends her flying] Game to Spidey.

    • Komodo finds this speech so bad that once he's escaped she's later found by War Machine crying inconsolably and begging not to be depowered.
  • In Josh Whedon's arc of Runaways, Nico delivers one of these to both the heroes and villains of old New York, pointing out how their constant conflict and hardheadness only brings chaos and puts the innocent in the crossfire, mainly the children. They continue fighting anyways, this being the Marvel Universe and all.
  • Catman gives a nasty one to the Crime Doctor in Villains United by breaking free of his shackles and explaining how he's nothing but a vulture picking off the meat on the bones of captured prey, putting him low on the ladder and then royally screwing him up.
    This article is issued from Allthetropes. The text is licensed under Creative Commons - Attribution - Sharealike. Additional terms may apply for the media files.