Everything I Wanted

"Everything I Wanted" (stylized in all lowercase) is a song by American singer and songwriter Billie Eilish. It was written by Eilish and her brother Finneas O'Connell, with the latter handling production. The song was released as a single on November 13, 2019 through Darkroom and Interscope Records. It is a house and electronica-influenced pop and alternative pop track, for which a piano and downtempo bass provide minimalist instrumentation. Inspired by a nightmare she experienced, the song is about Eilish's strong relationship with Finneas. In the lyrics, Eilish talks about him protecting her and making sure no one hurts her.

This article is about the Billie Eilish song. For other uses, see Everything I Wanted (disambiguation).

"Everything I Wanted"
Single by Billie Eilish
ReleasedNovember 13, 2019 (2019-11-13)
Genre
  • Pop
  • alternative pop
Length4:05
Label
Songwriter(s)
Producer(s)Finneas O'Connell
Billie Eilish singles chronology
"All the Good Girls Go to Hell"
(2019)		 "Everything I Wanted"
(2019)		 "No Time to Die"
(2020)
Music video
"Everything I Wanted" on YouTube

"Everything I Wanted" received mainly positive reviews from music critics, several of whom praised the music and lyrics. Commercially, the song was also successful, reaching number eight on the US Billboard Hot 100, becoming Eilish's second top ten hit in the United States. It debuted atop the record charts of several countries, including Ireland and Norway. The song further peaked at number three on the UK Singles Chart. It has received several certifications, most notably double platinum in Australia, Canada, and the United States.

Eilish directed the accompanying music video, which was uploaded to her YouTube channel on January 23, 2020. The video depicts Eilish and Finneas together, holding hands while driving through the city and into the ocean. The video received positive reviews from critics, many praising the visuals theme and message. Eilish has performed "Everything I Wanted" live several times, with it being included on the setlist for her When We All Fall Asleep Tour (2019) and Where Do We Go? World Tour (2020). Eilish and Finneas performed the track during a 50-minute livestream for Verizon Communications in April 2020.

Background and release

Finneas reported in October 2019 that he and Eilish were working on new music.[1] In November of that year, the singer announced the release of two new songs and a music video for the song "Xanny", which was released the following month.[2][3] She eventually revealed the song title and the release date of "Everything I Wanted" during an Instagram livestream on November 10, 2019.[4][5] The song was featured in Eilish's advertisement for Beats by Dre headphones.[6] The track was originally titled "Nightmare".[7][8] Eilish and her sibling Finneas O'Connell, known under his stage name of Finneas, started to write the song in September 2018 and it began as a feeling of Eilish's depression.[9] Eilish got the inspiration for "Everything I Wanted"in 2018. She had dreamt about taking her own life. When she told Finneas about the idea, he became very uncomfortable with the topic his sister presented.[9] In an interview with The New York Times, Eilish said that she "was in a really bad place mentally", while Finneas admitted he didn't want to help her write a hopeless song about suicide because he and their parents were very concered about her well being. He told Eilish that she "can’t always solve your problems in a song."[10] Eilish was able to convince Finneas and her parents by telling them writing "Everything I Wanted" was “the way I can feel those things without doing something to myself.” Eilish and Finneas changed the song to be about how they will always be there for each other, instead of being about depression and suicide.[10]

The track was mastered by John Greenham and mixed by Rob Kinelski, both of whom also served as studio personnel.[11] It was released for digital download and streaming as a single on November 13, 2019, via Darkroom and Interscope Records.[12] The song was added to the reissue of Eilish's debut studio album When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? in December 2019.[13] A flexi disc for the song was released via pre-order to ship in the following four to six weeks. The release came with a digital single delivered via email for US customers.[14] The cover art for the song is an abstract painting of the Golden Gate Bridge. The cover was made by Jason Anderson.[15]

Composition and lyrics

"Everything I Wanted" has a moderately fast tempo of 120 beats per minute (BPM).[16] The song is played in the key of A major, while Eilish's vocals span a range of E3 to B4.[16] According to Jem Aswad from Variety, the song features a significant use of reverb, and a "gentle beatbox and soft, hazy keyboard riffs".[17][18] The track has been described as a house and electronica-influenced pop and alternative pop track in press reviews;[19][20] it features minimalist production, consisting of piano and a downtempo bass.[21] Lake Schatz of Consequence of Sound mentioned that the song has a "spare beat and quiet keys".[22]

Eilish explained that "Everything I Wanted" was inspired by a dream in which she died after jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. The song also references how Eilish feels about fame; though she's very grateful to be able to make music for her fans and the world, fame can sometimes become very frustrating for her.[23][24] According to Eilish, the song discusses how Finneas will always be there for her. The lyrics talk about the relationship between the two of them.[22][25][26] The first verse of "Everything I Wanted" was inspired by Eilish's experiences with depression and mental illness.[27] The track begins with the singer talking about her committing suicide and nobody even caring, "Thought I could fly/So I stepped off the Golden/Nobody cried/Nobody even noticed/I saw them standing right there/Kinda thought they might care."[7][28] In the chorus, Eilish and Finneas talk about always being there for each other how Finneas helps his sister deal with fame and her personal demons. "And you say, 'As long as I'm here, no one can hurt you'/Don't wanna lie here, but you can learn to/If I could change the way that you see yourself /You wouldn't wonder why you're here, they don't deserve you".[28][29] Pitchfork's Dani Blum stated that the song "has layered vocals that swell and surround Eilish in the bridge" as she asks, over and over again, "If I knew it all then, would I do it again?/ If they knew what they said would go straight to my head/ What would they say instead?"[17][30]

Critical response
"Everything I Wanted" was praised for its lyrics and melody by Selena Gomez (left) and Bono (right).

"Everything I Wanted" was met with mainly positive reviews from music critics. The song was praised by Insider's Callie Ahlgrim, who called it a "thoughtful dynamic" and felt that the lyrics are a "breathtaking portrait of their in-sync collaborative skills".[31] Jon Caramanica from The New York Times said that the keyboards are "urgent" and "elegiac", while he described the chorus as "draining yet hopeful".[32] Rolling Stone’s Brenna Ehrlich stated the song showed a "softer, sadder version of Eilish", and described the track as "a meditation on fame".[33] Writing for Clash, Robin Murray said the song "is definitely hewn from Billie's tender side".[20] The staff of DIY labled the track as a "cool, quietly upbeat production".[19] Billboard's Heran Mamo called the track a "touching tribute".[34] Idolator's Mike Wass said the song was "eerie, yet comforting".[35] Starr Bowenbank writing for Cosmopolitan magazine, regarded it as a song that would "leave you sobbing in a puddle of your own tears".[36] ABC News Radio's Randy Holmes described "Everything I Wanted" as an "emotional" and "chilling" track.[37] Julia Emmanuele of Bustle magazine viewed the song's theme as "mak[ing] it clear that Eilish's experiences with managing her mental health is constantly evolving, but it seems that the singer is determined to surround herself with people like Finneas, who help support her through it all."[27]

Jasmine Gomez, writing for Seventeen, called "Everything I Wanted" a "haunting, yet beautiful tribute" from Eilish to Finneas.[23] Rhian Daly of NME wrote that the track displays the message of "hav[ing] each other’s backs, [and] protecting each other from the outside world and helping change their perceptions of themselves." She further mentioned that "Everything I Wanted" is "cohesive" and "clear".[18] Brent Furdyk, writing for Entertainment Tonight Canada, labled the song as a touching tribute to [Eilish's] and [Finneas'] kindship.”[26] In a mixed review for Los Angeles Times, August Brown called the song a "misty, echoing loop that keeps her downcast voice front and center in the mix".[38] The staff of Electronic Beats compared the track to her number one hit "Bad Guy", while Aswad said it's neither a "menacing banger" like "Bad Guy", nor a ballad like "I Love You".[17][39] Sam Prance of PopBuzz labeled the songs lyrics as "heartbreakingly personal".[29] Allie Gemmill of Teen Vogue described "Everything I Wanted" as "moody", "slow" and "introspective", saying it's another "classic Billie jam".[21] In a review for Stereogum, Chris Deville opined that it put a "crystalline, watery spin on her signature sound."[40]

When speaking to Apple Music's Zane Lowe, Selena Gomez related to Eilish's view of fame and said she cried listening to "Everything I Wanted". "When I heard that song, I just sobbed because I've been doing this for so long and it's like, 'Damn, that's so true.'" And further mentions "There's so many moments where I was just like, 'Oh, it doesn't matter who you are.' There's moments in my life that’s like 'is this it?' She deserved every single thing that she got and has. She's an amazing, amazing artist."[41] Bono of U2 also felt the same way, he included the song in his list of "60 Songs That Saved My Life", saying in a "fan letter" that "I step inside your song and it's a black beauty, achingly awesomely vulnerable and terrifying."[42] Eilish's mom, Maggie Baird, cried when she heard the song.[43]

Awards for "Everything I Wanted"
Year Organization Award Result Ref.
2020 Meus Prêmios Nick Favorite International Hit Pending [44]
2020 MTV Video Music Awards Video of the Year Pending [45]
Song of the Year Pending

Commercial performance

Following the release of "Everything I Wanted", it debuted at number 74 on the US Billboard Hot 100 on November 23, 2019. On November 30, it rose to number 8 on the chart, becoming Eilish's second top 10 hit in the US.[46] The single also achieved success on Billboard component charts. The song ascended from number two to number one on the Billboard Alternative Songs radio airplay chart in February 2020. It became her third number one on the chart, tying Eilish with Beck and Alanis Morissette for the most number ones by a solo artist on the Alternative Songs chart.[47] It has reached the top five on the Adult Top 40,[48] Dance/Mix Show Airplay,[49] Mainstream Top 40[50] and Hot Rock & Alternative Songs charts.[51] It has received a double platinum certification by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), which denotes track-equivalent sales of two million units based on sales and streams.[52]

In Canada, the single peaked at number 6 on the Canadian Hot 100 and has received a double platinum certification by Music Canada (MC).[53][54] "Everything I Wanted" achieved major success in Europe. On the UK Singles Chart, the song reached number 3, becoming Eilish's third top 10 in the United Kingdom.[55] It has received a platinum certification from the British Phonographic Industry (BPI), which denotes track-equivalent sales of 600,000 units.[56] The track peaked at number 2 on the ARIA charts and has also received a double platinum certification by the Australian Recording Industry Association (ARIA).[57][58] "Everything I Wanted" has further peaked at number one in Estonia,[59] Ireland,[60] Latvia,[61] Lithuania,[62] and Norway.[63] It has also peaked within the top 10 of countries such as Austria, Belgium and Germany.[64][65][66]

Music video

Background and release

Eilish released the music video for "Everything I Wanted" on January 23, 2020.[67] Eilish announced the video's premiere the same day on Instagram. The post featured the caption "something is coming", while the video was directed by Eilish herself[68] Eilish explained in a statement, "My brother and I wrote this song about each other and I wanted to create a visual that emphasizes that no matter what, we’ll be there for each other through everything. This is the second video I’ve directed of mine. We worked so hard, for hours and hours on end." Eilish wanted the visual to showcase the relationship between Finneas and herself.[69][70] Eilish stated during an interview with Annie Mac, "Pretty much that whole song is about me and Finneas' relationship as siblings. In the dream, the fans didn’t care. The internet shit on me for killing myself, all this stuff, and it really did mess me up."[71]

Synopsis
Eilish and her brother, Finneas, are seen looking at each other and smiling, while holding hands

The video begins with the words: "Finneas is my brother and my best friend. no matter the circumstance, we always have and always will be there for each other."[72] It then goes to Eilish, who is sitting in the driver's seat, is driving a car with Finneas who is sitting in the passenger seat. The stares of the two are blank, while their bodies remain expressionless. The siblings drive through many scenes reminiscent of places in California. It later becomes clear that Eilish is driving through a dreamscape that she imagined herself and Finneas being able to be.[73][74] Eilish sings about dreaming she had jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge, and being ignored by her loved ones and fans. As the video continues, Finneas looks out the windows as the two drive through a tunnel, then find themselves out of the city, driving through the desert and past a valley, before driving through Long Beach, California and into the ocean. The car gets swept away by a tide and slowly sinks under the ocean. It slowly starts to sink as the car starts to fill with water.[75] The singer stares are still blank as the sink. Finneas then lends his hand out, and Eilish grabs it as the two look at each other and smile. The car's headlights flicker off as the car is slowly sinking.[76] The visual ends with the siblings still holding hands together as the car continues to sink and flood, knowing that they will always be there for each other. "And you say, "As long as I'm here/No one can hurt you/Don't wanna lie here/But you can learn to/If I could change/The way that you see yourself/You wouldn't wonder why you hear/They don't deserve you."[73][77]

Reception

The music video was positively received by critics. Rebecca Alter of Vulture, who called the video "very good", commented that it "looks like it was shot by the cinematographer who did 'The Long Night' on Game of Thrones."[72] MTV's Jordyn Tilchen praised Eilish for the way she directed the video, with Tilchen saying that her "skills shine through on this project."[77] Writing for Nylon, Layla Halabian wrote the video "[brings] new meaning to the saying: Blood is thicker than water."[78] Derrick Rossignol of Uproxx called the visual a "shadowy, Eilish-directed clip", while Alyssa Quiles of Alternative Press called it "stunning".[74][79] In his review for Complex, Joshua Espinoza thought Eilish's message to her brother was "heartfelt".[80] Michele Mendez of Elite Daily likened the story-line and concept of the sibling's relationship in the song, saying "they've got a video dedicated to their unbreakable bond."[68] Writing for The Fader, Jordan Darville compared the visuals productions to that of English musician James Blake.[81]

Jarrod Johnson II of Paste magazine labeled the visual as appropriately foreboding.[75] Writing for The Eastern Echo, Layla McMurtrie commented that it is "lesser in comparison to some of her more unique music videos like "Bury a Friend“ and "Xanny", [but] the scenes go along well with the tune’s emotional lyrics and message."[71] Bri Miller of Soundigest described the visuals plot as "simple", but called the concept "powerful".[82]

Live performances and other usage

Eilish performed the song live for the first time in December 2019 on the final stop of her When We All Fall Asleep Tour in Mexico City, and during an Apple Live acoustic show at the Steve Jobs Theater in Cupertino the same year.[83][84] "Everything I Wanted" was one of songs included on her setlist for the Where Do We Go? World Tour (2020).[85] Eilish performed the song live with Finneas playing the acoustic guitar, for Blux, in February 2020.[86] In April of that year, the two performed an acoustic version of "Everything I Wanted" during a 50 minute livestream for Verizon Communications.[87]

In February 2020, Alicia Keys covered the track on BBC Radio 1's Live Lounge.[88] In March 2020, JP Cooper covered "Everything I Wanted" exclusively for Billboard. Cooper played alongside his band, with Billboard saying they slowly built "a lush unfurling arrangement comprised of dual guitars, piano and organ", as Cooper was crooning "as he gently strums an electric guitar". Cooper told Billboard that he doesn't do many covers, but felt drawn to the track and that he and his band had a great time recording it.[89] In March of the same year, Georgia recorded a cover of "Everything I Wanted" at Abbey Road Studios in London. Sam Moore of NME wrote that the cover had mixed together "elements of electro-pop and orchestral music".[90]

Credits and personnel

Credits adapted from Tidal.[11]

  • Billie Eilish – vocals, songwriter
  • Finneas O'Connell – producer, songwriter, engineer, backing vocals, drum programmer, bass, piano, synthesizer
  • John Greenham – mastering engineer
  • Rob Kinelski – mixer

Charts

Certifications
Region CertificationCertified units/sales
Australia (ARIA)[57] 2× Platinum 140,000
Austria (IFPI Austria)[133] Gold 15,000*
Belgium (BEA)[134] Platinum 40,000*
Canada (Music Canada)[53] 2× Platinum 160,000
Denmark (IFPI Denmark)[135] Gold 45,000
France (SNEP)[136] Gold 100,000
Germany (BVMI)[137] Gold 200,000
Italy (FIMI)[138] Gold 35,000
New Zealand (RMNZ)[139] Platinum 30,000*
Portugal (AFP)[140] Platinum 20,000^
Spain (PROMUSICAE)[141] Gold 20,000
United Kingdom (BPI)[56] Platinum 600,000
United States (RIAA)[52] 2× Platinum 2,000,000

*sales figures based on certification alone
^shipments figures based on certification alone
sales+streaming figures based on certification alone

Release history
Region Date Format Label Ref.
Various November 13, 2019
[12]
Australia Contemporary hit radio
[142]
United Kingdom November 15, 2019
  • Darkroom
  • Interscope
 [143]
Italy November 22, 2019 Universal [144]
United States December 10, 2019
  • Darkroom
  • Interscope
 [145]
Alternative radio [146]
February 3, 2020 Hot adult contemporary radio [147]
Various February 7, 2020 Flexi disc [148]

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