The Secretary

"The Secretary"
	Seinfeld episode
Episode no.	Season 6; Episode 9
Directed by	David Owen Trainor
Written by	Carol Leifer & Marjorie Gross
Production code	609
Original air date	December 8, 1994
Guest appearance(s)
	Vicki Lewis as Ada; Steve Hytner as Kenny Bania; Joseph R. Sicari as Willie; Arminae Azarian as Saleswoman; Mitzi McCall as Donna; Richard Marion as Guy; Thomas Mills as Moviegoer; Glynis McCants as Woman; Courtney Taylor as Attractive Applicant;

"The Secretary" is the 95th episode of NBC sitcom Seinfeld. This was the ninth episode for the sixth season, and was the first to use Castle Rock Entertainment's new logo after its acquisition from Turner. It aired on December 8, 1994.

Plot

Jerry takes his mother's fur coat and his jacket to be dry cleaned. Jerry, Elaine and Kramer go to the movies. Kramer meets Uma Thurman and writes her phone number on Jerry's dry cleaning ticket. Jerry spots Willie, the dry cleaner, wearing his jacket. He confronts Willie about this and demands his clothes back. Because Willie's wife Donna is out with the fur coat, he demands Jerry show him the ticket, which Kramer still has.

George is authorized to hire a secretary; he passes over attractive women so he can concentrate on his work, and hires Ada, a very efficient and plain-looking secretary. However, he becomes smitten with her efficiency and has sex with her at work. During sex, George screams, "I'm giving you a raise!" George talks George Steinbrenner into giving Ada the raise he promised. He is upset when he learns the raise was so much that her salary is greater than his. He tries to talk Steinbrenner into giving him a raise as well, but walks out when Steinbrenner goes off on a tangent.

Elaine buys a dress at Barneys because it looked great in there, but later it looks awful. She realizes they are using mirrors which make people look thinner. Kramer is in need of moisturizer, so she brings him along when she goes to return the dress. Kramer buys the moisturizer. Elaine tries on another dress, then goes outside the store looking for an unbiased mirror. At Barneys Kenny Bania is looking for a new suit; instead, he purchases Kramer's vintage suit for $300. Kramer is left in his underwear in the women's dressing room. Jerry arrives and asks Kramer for the ticket; however, it was left in Kramer's trousers which are now in Bania's possession. Bania wants his money back because the suit was stained by the moisturizer. Kramer refuses to trade back, so Jerry agrees to pay Bania two meals in exchange for the ticket. However, both the dry cleaning number and Uma Thurman's phone number are washed out. Jerry spots Donna wearing his mother's fur coat, and wrestles it away from her. He lets Kramer wear the coat over his underwear to leave the store. Elaine is forced to buy the dress because the clerk notices road salt on it and realizes she wore it outside the store.

Jerry and Bania have a meal at Mendy's restaurant again. Bania orders soup, then tells Jerry that he wrote down the telephone number from the ticket before it was washed out and got a date with Uma.

gollark: Alternatively, Historic Translucent Terminal Portals.

gollark: HTTPS is of course Highly Transmissible Temporary Pulmonary Scoliosis.

gollark: Also SSH/SCP.

gollark: osmarks.tk, being superior, runs on HTTP(S) instead.

gollark: FTP stands for File Transfer Protocol, as well as Fibonacci Telemetry Project, Frog Transduction Proxy and Fridge Trap Pulsar.

External links

"The Secretary" on IMDb
"The Secretary" at TV.com

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Seinfeld episodes
Season 1	"The Seinfeld Chronicles" "The Stake Out" "The Robbery" "Male Unbonding" "The Stock Tip"
Season 2	"The Ex-Girlfriend" "The Pony Remark" "The Jacket" "The Phone Message" "The Apartment" "The Statue" "The Revenge" "The Heart Attack" "The Deal" "The Baby Shower" "The Chinese Restaurant" "The Busboy"
Season 3	"The Note" "The Truth" "The Pen" "The Dog" "The Library" "The Parking Garage" "The Cafe" "The Tape" "The Nose Job" "The Stranded" "The Alternate Side" "The Red Dot" "The Subway" "The Pez Dispenser" "The Suicide" "The Fix-Up" "The Boyfriend" "The Limo" "The Good Samaritan" "The Letter" "The Parking Space" "The Keys"
Season 4	"The Trip" "The Pitch" "The Ticket" "The Wallet" "The Watch" "The Bubble Boy" "The Cheever Letters" "The Opera" "The Virgin" "The Contest" "The Airport" "The Pick" "The Movie" "The Visa" "The Shoes" "The Outing" "The Old Man" "The Implant" "The Junior Mint" "The Smelly Car" "The Handicap Spot" "The Pilot"
Season 5	"The Mango" "The Puffy Shirt" "The Glasses" "The Sniffing Accountant" "The Bris" "The Lip Reader" "The Non-Fat Yogurt" "The Barber" "The Masseuse" "The Cigar Store Indian" "The Conversion" "The Stall" "The Dinner Party" "The Marine Biologist" "The Pie" "The Stand In" "The Wife" "The Raincoats" "The Fire" "The Hamptons" "The Opposite"
Season 6	"The Chaperone" "The Big Salad" "The Pledge Drive" "The Chinese Woman" "The Couch" "The Gymnast" "The Soup" "The Mom & Pop Store" "The Secretary" "The Race" "The Switch" "The Label Maker" "The Scofflaw" "The Highlights of 100" "The Beard" "The Kiss Hello" "The Doorman" "The Jimmy" "The Doodle" "The Fusilli Jerry" "The Diplomat's Club" "The Face Painter" "The Understudy"
Season 7	"The Engagement" "The Postponement" "The Maestro" "The Wink" "The Hot Tub" "The Soup Nazi" "The Secret Code" "The Pool Guy" "The Sponge" "The Gum" "The Rye" "The Caddy" "The Seven" "The Cadillac" "The Shower Head" "The Doll" "The Friar's Club" "The Wig Master" "The Calzone" "The Bottle Deposit" "The Wait Out" "The Invitations"
Season 8	"The Foundation" "The Soul Mate" "The Bizarro Jerry" "The Little Kicks" "The Package" "The Fatigues" "The Checks" "The Chicken Roaster" "The Abstinence" "The Andrea Doria" "The Little Jerry" "The Money" "The Comeback" "The Van Buren Boys" "The Susie" "The Pothole" "The English Patient" "The Nap" "The Yada Yada" "The Millennium" "The Muffin Tops" "The Summer of George"
Season 9	"The Butter Shave" "The Voice" "The Serenity Now" "The Blood" "The Junk Mail" "The Merv Griffin Show" "The Slicer" "The Betrayal" "The Apology" "The Strike" "The Dealership" "The Reverse Peephole" "The Cartoon" "The Strongbox" "The Wizard" "The Burning" "The Bookstore" "The Frogger" "The Maid" "The Puerto Rican Day" "The Chronicle" "The Finale"
Indicates two-part episode