Never Too Young to Die

Never Too Young to Die is a 1986 American action-adventure comedy film directed by Gil Bettman. It stars John Stamos as Lance Stargrove, a young man who, with the help of secret agent Danja Deering (played by singer Vanity, also known as Denise Matthews) must avenge the death of his secret-agent father (George Lazenby) at the hands of evil hermaphrodite Velvet Von Ragnar (Gene Simmons).[1]

Never Too Young to Die
Home video cover
Directed byGil Bettman
Produced bySteven Paul
Screenplay bySteven Paul
Anton Fritz
Story bySteven Paul
StarringJohn Stamos
Vanity
Gene Simmons
George Lazenby
Robert Englund
Music byLennie Niehaus
CinematographyDavid Worth
Edited byPaul Seydor
Ned Humphreys
Distributed byPaul Entertainment
Release date
  • June 13, 1986 (1986-06-13)
Running time
97 minutes
CountryUnited States
LanguageEnglish

Cast

Reception

Brian Salisbury of Film School Rejects called Stamos's performance as "quite flat and dull. He seems as if he rolled out of bed and directly onto set without having read a single page of the script."[2] He criticized the film's depiction of the punk subculture as inaccurate, but called it "the kind of film that could only exist in the 80s", and noted "Gene Simmons' insane-but-somehow-captivating-in-a-way-that-will-cost-my-therapist-thousands-of-hours-of-his-life performance".[2]

Rob Dean of The A.V. Club called the film "an incredible schlockfest in plot, characterization, and pretty much every other component of filmmaking", and wrote that "it has certainly left an indelible mark on many hearts of those who love cheesy action flicks."[3]

In a retrospective assessment of the film, Stamos has stated: "It's the perfect midnight-movie, where people can come and dress up. It's — what's the term I'm looking for? — the best worst thing you will ever see".[4]

gollark: If enough radiation is applied, the ship will no longer meaningfully exist.
gollark: ... several days?
gollark: If it gives them horrible radiation-related diseases which only actually have an effect a while after the battle, it's not that useful.
gollark: Not really.
gollark: Oh, right, bremsstrahlung.

References
  1. "Never Too Young to Die (1986) - Overview - TCM.com". Turner Classic Movies. Retrieved February 16, 2016.
  2. Salisbury, Brian (November 4, 2011). "Junkfood Cinema: Never Too Young to Die". Film School Rejects. Retrieved February 17, 2020.
  3. Dean, Rob (June 13, 2016). "Hey turdballs—celebrate the 30th anniversary of schlockfest Never Too Young To Die". The A.V. Club. Retrieved February 17, 2020.
  4. Abramovitch, Seth (November 4, 2015). "Hollywood Flashback: John Stamos, Gene Simmons Recall Insane 1986 Bomb 'Never Too Young to Die'". The Hollywood Reporter. Retrieved February 17, 2020.


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