Penis enlargement

Penis enlargement, euphemistically referred to as "male enhancement", is a scam promoted by woo-meisters. Various techniques and devices are promoted for enlarging the penis. The trouble is, none of them work except for surgery (which isn't especially good either).

Style over substance
Pseudoscience
Popular pseudosciences
Random examples
v - t - e
Not to be confused with the Club for Growth

Penis pumps

Penis pumps are a sex toy and an erection aid and work for these purposes, and nothing more. They work by creating a vacuum to draw blood into the penis. They do not result in any permanent increase in penis size,[1] and attempting to use them for this purpose, i.e. by applying for excessive periods of time or at excessive pressure, may result in injury to the penis. You have been warned. (Seriously, permanent damage such as Peyronie's diseaseFile:Wikipedia's W.svg can result. It's not worth it.)

Creams and pills

Really, don't bother. This is a common Internet spam scam. These products may contain a mixture of vitamins, herbs, snake oil, and bovine fecal matter.[2]

One such useless pill sold over the Internet, before the operation was shut down and the pills seized by Arizona regulators and U.S. Customs, was sold for $59.95 for a one month bottle and claimed to contain, "zinc, yohimbe, maca, catuaba, muira puama, oyster meat, L-arginine, oat straw, nettle leaf, cayenne, pumpkin seed, sarsaparilla, orchic substance, licorice root, astragalus, tribulus, boron, and ginseng".[3]

Hypnosis
See the main article on this topic: Hypnosis

Hypnosis is a heightened state of awareness and suggestibility. While hypnosis in itself is almost universally agreed to exist, any claims that hypnosis can aid in healing, smoking cessation, hair growth, penis enlargement or anything else of that sort is lacking in evidence. The heightened state of suggestibility may result in someone believing they have a larger penis, which does not mean they really do. This hasn't stopped New Agers and Internet scamsters from pushing hypnotic penis enlargement.[4]

Stretches and exercises

These are rather like penis pumps in that they may temporarily increase length, but the effect is not permanent and may result in injury if done to excess. Some of those promoting these techniques rely on assumptions that the penis is a muscle, which is not true. However, if there are animals with a literal penis boneFile:Wikipedia's W.svg, it is conceivable that there could exist an animal with a penis muscle.

Compensation

If anyone ever feels like their penile size is insufficient and need to make themselves feel better, get a sport utility vehicle. A really big SUV. Or a giant pickup. Or a really, really gas-guzzling sports car. Or a 'souped up and noisy' motorbike.

Alternately, own lots of long, hard, manly guns.

Or erect some really huge buildings or musical instrumentsFile:Wikipedia's W.svg.

If you are sufficiently literate and considerate, get some books on techniques and how to charm people and follow through. (If you are insufficiently literate and inconsiderate, learn from pick-up artists and/or become a MGTOWer.)

Techniques that really work

The simplest way to get a bigger member is with an ED drug like sildenafilFile:Wikipedia's W.svg (aka Viagra). While these drugs don’t make your dick grow in the sense of cell division and tissue enlargement, as vasodilators they help more blood flow into the penis, which gives it a greater volume when erect. The effect isn’t permanent, of course, but then it doesn’t need to be permanent, unless you’re looking to advertise your endowment somewhere like the fitness club showers (and unless you're gay, why advertise to other men?). It also won’t engorge your dick beyond its upper limit in size, but plenty of men don’t reach their upper limit anyway.

By the same principle, any lifestyle habits that improve your cardiovascular health will help your boner. So get a good amount of aerobic exercise, limit your red meat intake, and don’t smoke. Some drugs, like amphetamines, work as vasoconstrictors and as such can fuck up your boner, especially if you take them in recreational (read: dangerously high) doses.[5] In fact, anything you might do before sex that makes your dick work less well will make it de facto smaller, so don’t get too drunk on any night that you’re hoping to score.

There are several surgical procedures to enlarge the penis, including surgical implants and skin grafts. These really do increase penis size, but as the Mayo Clinic's web page on penis enlargement products notes, "Surgery is typically reserved for men whose penis doesn't function normally because of a birth defect or injury." and "Although cosmetic penis enlargement is offered by some surgeons, it's controversial and considered by many to be unnecessary and potentially harmful."[6] In other words, unless you have a serious birth defect or it doesn't work at all, there is no reason why you should be considering penis enlargement surgery.

One can gain a bit of length by having a surgeon cut the ligament that connects the penis to the pelvic bone. However, weights or stretching devices would have to be used daily to prevent the ligament from growing back, for about six months. On top of that, your soldier would no longer salute when hard — it's the ligament that pulls it up so it sticks straight out. Even at that, this procedure only gives you length, not girth, which is what's more important to the ladies anyway.

It also helps to lose some weight (assuming you're overweight), as excess fat in the groin reduces the external length of the erect penis. Another tip is to live somewhere warm, or at least keep the bedroom warm when it'll be in use. Also, as mentioned above, this will have the double benefit of improving your circulation, and thus giving you fuller erections.

Stop watching 'that sort of movie' and comparing yourself with the illusions.

gollark: Ah. Well, I still belittle it muahahaha.
gollark: What?
gollark: Not "a magical skyman will cure me of bad things if I worship them enough".
gollark: Like "objective reality exists", which you can't really meaningfully do things without.
gollark: Generally more, well, sensible unproven things.

See also

References
  1. A vacuum device for penile elongation: fact or fiction?
  2. Julia Angwin: Some Male 'Enlargement' Pills Contain a Variety of Impurities — "I think it's safe to say it has heavy fecal contamination" — thus Penis Pills Provide Poop.
  3. Stephen Barrett: "Bogus Penis Enlargement Pills Seized; Defendants Forfeit Over $35 Million", Quackwatch.com
  4. Hypnotic penis enlargement for a mere 99 dollars
  5. https://www.renalandurologynews.com/home/departments/mens-health-update/erectile-dysfunction/erectile-dysfunction-more-prevalent-in-illicit-users-of-amphetamine/
  6. Mayo Clinic: Penis-enlargement products: Do they work?
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