Blogs 4 Brownback

Blogs 4 Brownback[1] (also known as B4B), launched on February 23, 2007, an ultra-conservative blog, pretends to support ex-Presidential Candidate Sam Brownback. This website is a hoax.[2][3]

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The site tackles subjects such as abortion, homosexuality, American foreign policy, "hippies" and science, among other Brownback-related topics. In doing so, the site parodies other conservative websites; it has strong nationalistic, general anti-science, xenophobic, misogynistic, fascist, geocentric, flat-Earth, YEC and fundamentalist undertones.

Right-wing conspiracy theories are also a common theme in the website's essays.

The website has not been updated since May 2nd, 2008.

Reactions to Blogs 4 Brownback

Reception

Essays are often followed by lengthy discussions on science and scripture.

Reactions to this website are often negative; many even believe it to be an ingenious parody:

I think Sis is spoofing us. Nobody smart enough to breathe can be that stupid.—Paradee

I can’t tell if Sisyphus is serious or not, but I’ll leave those who are still undecided with this: The Jerry Springer show is no less fun to watch whether you know that its real or know that its fake.—Brandon D.

Whether Sisyphus is a fake or not, there seem to be a number of contributors who genuinely support B4B.

Blogs 4 Moonbats

RationalWiki has started its own response blog, Blogs 4 Moonbats, which will combine parody and debunking. It's now defunct; for goodness' sake, trolling doesn't need a wiki unto itself!

Several contributors refer to Conservapedia and Answers in Genesis as their sources.

On the right margin of every page of the site is a list of links to creationist, conservative and Christian websites. It must however be noted that the views of most of these websites, although conservative or even creationist, do not necessarily track with Blogs 4 Brownback's more extreme views such as geocentrism, or the site's xenophobia, expressed in numerous paranoid, derogatory and hostile comments about foreign countries and cultures.

Notable contributers

Sisyphus

Sisyphus is a contributor to, and Senior (pseudo)Science Correspondent for, the Blogs 4 Brownback website. His first known post appeared on February 23, 2007 and he was active on the blog until around the end of March 2008.

Sisyphus seems to fashion himself after his namesake king from Greek mythology - the one that had to roll the boulder up the hill for all eternity. Apparently, he sees proselytizing his odd brand of geofascism as a "burden".

Some of his "scientific" theories include the idea that electrons are angels and protons are demons,[4][5] both being capable of conscious decisions. He also advocated for laws that would require women to strap their breasts and prevent them from working outside the house, with the exception of nurses.[6]

Sisyphus has also stated a desire for French language and culture to be eliminated,[7][8] because he believes them to be supporting America's enemies and working to corrupt American culture.

This is actually a deep cover liberal, but the cover is REALLY deep.

Heliocentrism is an Atheist Doctrine
“”"It seems clear that it may occasionally be convenient to assume that the calculations of Copernicus and Kepler were mathematically sound. However, for both moral and theological reasons, we should always bear in mind that the Earth does not move. If it moved, we would feel it moving."

"Anyone can see that the results of the Michelson-Morley experiments–especially the light fringe results–prove a stationary earth; and other facts about eclipses, satellite re-positionings, alleged blinding earth speeds, gravitational hooey, etc., add to the proof."

"Thanks, however, to Newton’s invented math and the excesses of his gravitational hypotheses (HERE), Copernicanism dug in its heels in the universities in the 1700’s, and by the last quarter of that century had produced a large crop of hard core heliocentrists, not a few of whom were advocating ape-man theories..."

His breakthrough post "Heliocentrism Is an Atheist Doctrine" (posted May 18, 2007) caught the attention of hundreds of websites[9] and even the press.[10] Karen E. Crummy of The Denver Post[11] took notice, branding the website a "parody" with no concrete evidence to support her claim. B4B's reaction was swift,[12] strong[13] and angry.[14]

Psycheout

Psycheout is a parodist who contributes to the Blogs 4 Brownback website. He mostly concentrates his posts on Senator Brownback but is more than willing to savage other GOP candidates in order to demonstrate that Sam Brownback is the one principled, conservative Republican who deserves the GOP nomination for President in 2008.

Psycheout joined Blogs 4 Brownback shortly after its inception, his first post appearing March 7, 2007, and was prolific for a time. He disappeared for awhile after May 1, 2007 (presumably to spend more time with his family), but as of June 28, 2007 he has come out of hiding to resume his posting duties. Tragically, nobody seems to have noticed.

Random quotes

The following are random quotes from the blog entries and ensuing discussions from the parody site Blogs 4 Brownback.

Jesus doesn’t want us to think. He wants us to listen to Him and obey Him. Do you really presume to know better than God Steve? Do you??? —BJ Tabor

SERND THEM MOONBATS AND THEIR SCHOOLS OFF A CLIFF THERE WHTEY BELONG LET THM GO TO CANADA IF THEIR SO SMART HOEP YUO LIEK FREEZIGN YOURE NUST OFF COMMIES!!!!! —Jack Fremont

Adam Nelson, you are one bloviating idiot. If you can’t say things in a few sentences, they don’t merit saying. —dadaclu

Imaginary numbers are pure evil. —Sisyphus

We should shift the emphasis in our schools away from the languages of anti-American Old Europe, like French, and towards the languages of pro-American New Europe, like Albanian and Estonian. Also, it is scandalous that despite that country’s stalwart support as an ally in Iraq, not a single American high school offers classes in Australian. —mattsteinglass (trolling, or at least I hope so)

I like the way you think about things, mattsteinglass. —Sisyphus

Those terms ([+] charge for protons and [-]charge for electrons) are arbitrary, evil scientific denominations. Electrons are actually positive, just, and good; protrons are evil, negative, indolent, sinful, and worthless. Nor are they as powerful; there are more electrons out there. Otherwise, how could ions exist? —Sisyphus

We build lots of things that work for reasons that no one understands. Even simple household appliances like toaster ovens are almost impossible to explain. Are YOU going to claim you know how your toaster oven works? I doubt it. I have yet to hear a coherent explanation of them. I think the first models were built by guesswork, divinely inspired guesswork. Without God’s guiding Hand, we wouldn’t have most modern technology. But to ask how it works is to verge on blasphemy. —Sisyphus

Everyone knows that appliances work because God allows them to work. The article even admits it, winking at the audience and letting them know it’s all a joke instead of some whacked-out moonbat insanity, by stating at a different point.

Like all appliances, are miracles. Their functioning and mechanics are a matter of divinely-inspired guesswork. Scientists and other know-it-all treefrog types can bluster and pretend to understand the processes involved, but the bottom line is, they’re miraculous. Only God can understand such a thing. —Sisyphus

Because America is the good guys these things aren’t torture when we do them. Torture is something the bad guys do. Therefore the only correct way to refer to our enhanced interrogation techniques is as enhanced interrogation techniques. When bad people use them, however, it’s torture. And that all seems about right to me. —DPS

As we all know, even the ones (women) who are genuinely raped bear part of the blame for being raped, in that they dress provocatively, drink liquor, or associate with questionable people. I think giving lighter sentences to these women is a terrible example and will encourage promiscuity. They must take responsibility for their actions. —DPS

Women are better able to resist temptation than men, they themselves being Satan’s primary tool of temptation. —Sisyphus

I think women should be forced to strap their bosoms down in public. Men should not be subject to their vile temptations. A woman who goes out in public without her chest strapped should be subject to criminal penalties. Women who work in fields other than nursing, cleaning, cooking, and housewifery should also face severe punishment- and perhaps I’m not going far enough. —Sisyphus

I bet we could even get them to strap each other. Think of it. Millions and millions of American women strapping each other’s bosoms. That would be a glorious day I would not soon forget. —Sisyphus

I do have to give those mullahs credit for this one:

Iran’s parliament on Wednesday voted in favor of a bill that could lead to the death penalty for persons convicted of working in the production of pornographic movies. —Sisyphus

I am confident that the death penalty will effectively deter all future smut production in Iran. I am equally confident that a similar measure enacted here, and pursued with equal judicial fervor, would quickly eliminate pornography from our drug stores, our video stores, our computers, and our lives. I, for one, would applaud such a measure. —Sisyphus

It’s a shame we have to nuke a nation (Iran) with such an efficient control of public decency. I would propose that we first make strenuous diplomatic efforts to convert them all to Christianity, before lobbing the bombs at them. A people who can execute pornographers surely can’t be all bad. —Sisyphus

I think if the government finances homosexuality recovery groups and training camps, that might help alleviate the problem. Sadly, I don’t think you’ll see that anytime soon, not with San Francisco liberals like Pelosi running Congress. —Sisyphus

We should kill the Somalis, kill all of them. The good ones have mostly died or left. —Marcia P.

We should kill them all. Kill everyone who is unwilling to accept Christianity. It’s the only way to keep ourselves safe. —Marcia P.

Maybe we should just kill them. —Sisyphus

Obviously Skeptic is already wearing the mind-control underwear (Mormon underwear). —DPS

I strongly recommend that you have you underwear checked by a priest, and that you microwave all of it for at least ten minutes. —DPS

http://www.mormon-underwear.com/ Obviously, since it’s a sympathetic (to Mormons) site, they probably won’t mention the mind-control aspect of the underwear.

PS it goes without saying that this is how they are controlling Willard “Mitt” Romney. —DPS

Israel can give the Golan Heights away? I thought God gave that to them in 1967, since when do you give God’s gifts away? We need Sam in the Whitehouse NOW to stop this nonsense. Olmert is a French name, ins’t it? —BJ Tabor

Yeah, I was there, the Israelis laid the contract on the ground, then a lightning bolt struck the paper and the name YHVA (in Hebrew) was burned on the dotted line! —Skeptic (trolling)

Wow! I had no idea that had happened! I don’t see how you can still be an atheist after hearing about something like that. —DPS

...the world of Christ demands that non-believers (especially Muslims and vegetarians) MUST be tortured in order to protect America. The brilliant television program (the only one I let my children watch in between their home-school lessons) “24″ has this point exactly correct. My wife believes that this show is the direct word of God; normally I do not permit her to express her opinions, but I think in this instance she is correct. —St. Legalize (trolling)

I admire your family values very much. My wife, also, knows her place. —Sisyphus

No one really knows what ether is made of, but I suspect that it’s water. I think that’s why we can see the Sun and the stars through it. That also explains why the sky is blue, and it may have something to do with rainfall. —Sisyphus

"Islam and Hinduism are varying denominations of Satanism if you ask me..." —Sisyphus

Newton[note 1] was a Darwinian fraud. How can you muster the nerve to even mention his name in this conversation? —Sisyphus

There’s so much good news coming out of Iraq, that the Socialist Media must have a hard time digging up all of the bad news in Iraq that they report 24/7. I predict that 2008 will be a huge victory for the Republican Party. Now that we are no longer saddled with Moderate Republicans in Congress we can run on a Strong Conservative Platform at the center of which should be the war in Iraq. All The Way With Brownback In ‘08! —Americans4Americans

The Constitution is an obvious fraud to me because it guarantees that which the Bible prohibits, i.e. due process of law, the freedom to be secure in one’s possessions and papers, the freedom to avoid torture, the “freedom” to express thoughts contrary to the strict word of Christ, equality among the races, the right of women to vote, and the “freedom” to NOT be compelled toward the only true ideology - the word of Christ. I suspect that liberals, communists, foreigners, women, people of color, gays, etc. manipulted the document at its inception to include the blasphemy contained therein. The proof of this is the fact that the only necessary freedom necessary to men is the freedom to arm one’s self against the tyrany of a state that presumes to become too secular.

It is the word of God, and therefore subject to no debate. Only an uncivil, barbarian, unaware of the techniques of reason, can disagree with such self-evident truth. —St. Legalize (trolling)

St. Legalize You make good sense. —carsick

Incidents like this make me seriously question whether or not we’ve ever even really been into “outer space.” I’ve never been there; have you? —Sisyphus

What earthly good is learning about astronomy and evolution, unless you want to stare at the sky and think you’re a monkey? —Carey Meiers

Flat earth discussion

People keep telling me about this country called China, but I seriously doubt it exists. After all, I’ve never been there; have you? —The skepticist

It probably exists, though. After all, many of the people who’ve been there aren’t getting paid to talk about it. That’s the difference between China and outer space- the financial incentive to lie about China’s existence is non-existent. —Sisyphus

The travel agencies, Sisyphus. Everyone who says they’ve been to China is in the pay of the travel agencies, and the travel agencies will put out a hit on anyone who says that China doesn’t actually exist, because the travel agencies want to swindle unsuspecting people out of their hard-earned cash. —The Skepticist

Nonsense. Even our Army’s been to China. I trust those guys with my life. —Sisyphus

So…, if they are your credible source, then try looking up military excursions through the Antarctic, they’ve done it and there is plenty of documentation on it. —Fritz

Small unit excursions are different. Small units can easily be spoken to by the CIA. Any dissenters can be dealt with lethally and quietly. The scientific community has no problem with getting small numbers of soldiers to lie. But a major deployment is another story. —Sisyphus

Discussion on who Sam Brownback should include in his cabinet

I think Pat Robertson should head the Department of Christianity. There should be a new Department, the Department of Non-Christian Affairs, that should be headed by someone committed to converting those people. That person may be General Boykin, or may be Reverend Haggard. —Marcia P.

NASA is an uneccesary government institution and should be eliminated.

The only things our government should do is protect America and defend Moral Values.

With less than half the budget NASA receives yearly we could fund a Department For The Promotion Of Traditional Values. —Traditional Values American

can we dig up reagan?

ann coulter in charge of the Ministry of Peace

all of halliburton in charge of Ministry of Plenty

put bill o’reilly in charge of the Ministry of Truth

and jesus in charge of the Ministry of Love[note 2] —honkey magoo (trolling)

Those aren’t real offices, Mr. Magoo. —Sisyphus

I know honkey magoo was trying to make a joke (those are stupid names for cabinet departments, by the way) but I wonder if Bill O’Reilly would serve as White House spokesman. Kind of like Tony Snow, but with a little more zip. —DPS

honkey magoo was not joking the way you think, Sisiphus. He was making a reference to George Orwell´s masterpiece, 1984. —PG

honkey magoo was not joking the way you think, Sisiphus. He was making a reference to George Orwell´s masterpiece, 1984.

I don’t see how we’re supposed to carry on any kind of useful conversation with honkey magoo when he can’t tell the difference between the real world and things he has read in books.

I do have to say, though, that a Department of Truth and a Department of Plenty don’t sound half bad, although I’d like to hear more about them. The ones about Peace and Love sound way too hippie, though. We already have San Francisco, and that should be enough. —DPS

Does anyone have suggestions for who should lead the following ministries?

Ministry for Public Enlightenment and Propaganda

Ministry for Weapons, Munitions, and Armament

Ministry for the Occupied Eastern Territories[note 3]

Is there also going to be a religious police[note 4] to flog women who are not submissive enough? —Skeptic (trolling)

"Ministry for Public Enlightenment and Propaganda”

Bill O’Reilly.

“Ministry for Weapons, Munitions, and Armament”

Dick Cheney.

“Ministry for the Occupied Eastern Territories”

Tommy Franks.

“Is there also going to be a religious police to flog women who our not submissive enough?”

I hope Ann Coulter heads it. She’s gorgeous! She’d be great at it, too. You definitely want a woman handling a sensitive task like this one. —Sisyphus

Update 2: Osama impersonator penetrates Austrian checkpoints.[note 5] —Psycheout

gollark: There are many, many dynamic services though (skynet, fortunes, dwarf fortress HTTP output, that other thing).
gollark: It's hosted via nginx and compiled via static site generator.
gollark: Well, the best I can do regarding bodging isso to handle the infipages correctly would probably be to somehow redo the URLs as `/infipage/100`.
gollark: Yes...
gollark: Yes!

See also

Notes
  1. Newton lived two centuries before Darwin was born.
  2. The ministries of the totalitarian "Big Brother Is Watching You" government in George Orwell's novel "1984".
  3. Well known Nazi ministries.
  4. Akin to the dreaded religious police of Saudi Arabia.
  5. The APEC conference was held in AustrALia, not Austria.

References
  1. Blogs 4 Brownback Blog
  2. http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_6300545
  3. http://www.dsfanboy.com/2007/11/07/nintendo-ds-inspires-liberals-to-defraud-innocent-americans/
  4. The Power of Angels – Sisyphus (July 10, 2007)
  5. Angels and Atoms – Sisyphus (June 21, 2007)
  6. The Saddest Thing I've Heard All Week – Sisyphus (June 13, 2007)
  7. Why France is Our Enemy – Sisyphus (June 30, 2007)
  8. Our True Enemy – Sisyphus (April 16, 2007)
  9. "Heliocentrism Is an Atheist Doctrine" on the web – Google Web Search
  10. "Heliocentrism Is an Atheist Doctrine" in the news – Google News Search
  11. Online spoofs cloud stances – Karen E. Crummy (July 5, 2007)
  12. Proof that the Liberal Media Hates Us – Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett (July 5, 2007)
  13. My Personal Retort to the Denver Post – Sisyphus (July 6, 2007)
  14. Last Word on the Denver Post Smear – Psycheout (July 9, 2007)
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