Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe/Quotes

Hob Gadling: "Thou look'st passing fair, milady, excepst thou manglest the Queen's good English and your tits are hanging out."

—The Sandman, Endless Nights

The Alchemist: How is wild in "Wild Old Gentlemen" spelled?
Hank: The olde fashion way!
The Alchemist: The olde... What does that even mean?
Hank: With an E, Wilde.

The Alchemist: That's not wild. That's Wilde! It's a surname. Oscar Ding Dong Wilde!

—The Venture Bros

Rohimmir: Saruman has poisoned the mind of the king and claimed lordship over these lands. My company are those loyal to Rohan, and for that we are banished.
Legolas: Oh man, sucks to be you.
DM: Oh come on, you aren't even trying. I know you can do better than that.
Legolas: Hark, thy fate sucketh?
DM: That is...much worse.

Towest thy vehicle to the curb and showeth me thy driver's license and registration. Did thou knowest how fast thou was driving?

—Tom Servo, "The Undead", Mystery Science Theater 3000

Thou swell! Thou witty!
Thou sweet! Thou grand!
Wouldst kiss me, pretty?
Wouldst hold my hand?

Both thine eyes are cute, too...

—"Thou Swell", A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

Remember, the Mysterious Tavern Guy’s speech is not a crappy imitation of medieval Britishy talk, it’s an excellent imitation of a DM doing a crappy imitation of medieval Britishy talk.

—Lore Sjoberg, Speak With Monsters

And anytime you're causing pain, hey dewd, refrain.
You know you want someone to drink ale with.
And what is with that crazy way you speak today?

Try adding an 'eth' to words you sayeth...

—"Hey Dewd", by Midas

You two idiots keep that up and I'm gonna get medieval on ye olde arse.

—Lothar, Exterminatus Now

"Why do you persist in talking in old-timey Shakespeare talk?! We're from Greece! From two thousand years before Shakespeare! IT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE!"

—Incredible Hercules

"Ye hae ne'er glympsed a hatte whych be as grimm as yonder hatte ye glympse upon"

—Description of "Grimm Hatte", Team Fortress 2

"Somewhere, Shakespeare is spinning in his grave."

—Batman, Batman the Brave And The Bold

"Navi! Navi! Wherefore art thou, Navi? I speaketh this in the Old English so my words beeth clearly dramatic!"

—The Deku Tree, xanauzumaki's Ocarina of Time Abridged

"I hath telekinesis." [Voldemort] answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!"

—My Immortal

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Aye, thereth she blows! Fullethest speed ahead and moveth rearwarded to Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.