< White Collar

White Collar/Quotes



Season 1

Pilot [1.01]

Peter: [speaking to the prison warden] I know I spent three years of my life chasing him, and you let him walk out the front door.
Peter: I work hard. I do my job well. And I don't have a ten million dollar view of Manhattan that I share with a 22 year old art student while we sip espresso!
Neal Caffrey: Why not?
Peter Burke: Why not?! Because I'm not supposed to. The amount of work I do equals certain things in the real world. Not cappuccino in the clouds.
Neal: Look, I will find out where June buys her coffee if it's that important.
Peter: It's not about the coffee.
Neal: I think it is.
Peter: No it's not. [pause] This is what gets you into trouble. This is the start of those something-for-nothing schemes that lead to the frauds that got you locked up.
Neal: I think it's some sort of Italian roast.
Peter: Get in the car.
[Neal is trying to help Peter with plans for his anniversary.]
Peter: No, you don't get to lecture me about relationships. My wife didn't change her identity and flee the country to get away from me. [Neal looks stricken.] That was harsh, I didn't mean that.
Neal: Yeah you did. [Peter doesn't argue.] Did she really flee the country?
Peter: I don't know.
Neal: France, did she go to France?
Peter: I don't know!
Neal: You only know the guys that get caught. They're the second best criminals.
Peter: What's that say about you?
Neal: It says that there's an exception to every rule.
Neal: Did you really put Elizabeth under surveillance before you asked her out? Peter, I underestimated you.
Peter: You told him?
Elizabeth Burke: Oh, he said he wanted to make sure I wasn't seeing anybody else. Honey, it's cute.
Neal: I think it's adorable.
Peter: I'm putting you back in prison.
Peter:[About Neal] He's almost as brilliant as the woman I married.
Elizabeth: Ooh, good answer.[Pause] So what's the problem?
Peter: This is not the way it's suppose to go. You get caught, you do your time. There's more to this - more to this than some lost love. Some side angle he's playing.
Elizabeth: So you're suggesting he escapes a maximum security prison knowing full well that you'd catch him just so he could trick you into letting him out again?
Peter: It's a working theory.
Elizabeth: Yeah, keep working. Is it so hard for you to believe a man would do that for the woman he loves?
Peter: Neal just bought himself four more years in prison. For what?
Elizabeth: "For what"? If you were Neal, you wouldn't have run for me?

Threads [1.02]

Neal: No, Peter, menacing. You look like someone whose kid just struck out.

.

Neal: (After putting sunglasses on Peter) Now say, 'I'll be back'
Peter: No.

Book of Hours [1.03]

[A known criminal knocks on the door of a FBI stake-out van]
Man: Are you the FBI?
Clinton Jones: Yes?

Flip of the Coin [1.04]

[Peter is meeting Mozzie for the first time]
Peter: I thought you would be taller.
Mozzie: Me too.
Neal: You want me to pull the records? We have clerks for that.
Peter: I have something better. I have you.
Ames: Shame the Greeks destroyed it.
Neal: Shame you didn't have a better history teacher.

The Portrait [1.05]

[After Neal charms a local art buyer working with the FBI]
Peter: Have you ever met a woman who didn't—
Neal: Brittney. Brittney Nicole. Second grade... I had a gap in my teeth.
[Neal shows up at Peter's house in the middle of the night]
Peter: This had better be good.
Neal: I took the painting.
Peter: Damnit Neal .
Neal: I wasn't gonna... [Peter holds up his hand] I did it for... [Peter stops him again] We can use it to catch Dorsette, he doesn't know I work for you.
Peter: We'll set it up tomorrow. Now get the hell out of my house.
Neal: [leaving] Goodnight, Elizabeth.
Elizabeth: Goodnight, Neal. [walks over to Peter] Well, he told you the truth about the painting.
Peter: Because they threatened Taryn.
Elizabeth: It's a start.
Peter: Yeah, it's a start.

All In [1.06]

[Neal and Peter are looking through a warehouse]
Neal: I think I just saw the Ark of the Covenant back there.
Peter: If my face melts, let me know.
[Peter is pacing angrily]
Neal: I never lied to Peter.
Elizabeth: You did leave a few things out.
Neal: You don't understand; I have to find Kate.
Elizabeth: My husband desperately wants to trust you and you keep giving him reasons not to. You're on your own on this one, Neal.
Neal: No, wait, please don't go. [Elle stands up and leaves]
Neal: [to Peter] Now what?
Peter: Now I wouldn't take you off this case if I could.

Free Fall [1.07]

Neal: [about his mugshot] I never liked this picture.
Peter: It's not that bad.
Neal: It's better than my driver's license.
Peter: Which one? You have several. [Neal looks at him] Okay, one crime at a time.
Neal: I'll admit I've done a lot of things in my life that I'm not proud of. No, no, that's not true, I'm proud of most of them.
Peter: Hello, Kate.
Kate: Hello, Peter. [turns on light]
Peter: We need to talk about Neal.

Hard Sell [1.08]

[Neal and Mozzie are playing chess and Mozzie compares Neal's life to the chess game with Kate as the queen and Neal as a pawn]
Mozzie: I'm the bishop in case you were wondering.
Neal: I wasn't.
Mozzie: Oh.
Neal: Just because I don't like guns doesn't mean I don't know how to use one.
Mozzie: Okay. So. Fowler wants the music box, let's give it to him. Where is it?
Neal: I don't have it.
Mozzie: What? You told everyone you had it.
Neal: I never told anyone. Everyone assumed I took it and I never corrected them.
Mozzie: It did make you appear... superhuman.
Neal: Image is everything.

Bad Judgment [1.09]

Neal: Aw, you're not comfortable around the six year old.
Peter: I don't speak their language.
Neal: I do?
Peter: Yeah, you do. Come on, Peter Pan.
Peter: Ok, we stop the judge from taking the Sullivan home. Then we get her disrobed. [Neal raises his eyebrows] You know what I meant... If we lean on her hard enough, she'll flip on Fowler. [Neal smirks and walks away] You know what I meant! ...That's not what I meant...
[Neal forges Peter's signature perfectly]
Peter: How did you do that?
Neal: Well, your hand is programmed over years to write letters a certain way. Try to mimic someone else's, and your style will always creep in. But, turn the signature upside down and it becomes nothing more than a drawing, all you have to do is copy the lines. The preconceptions about letters go away and you have a perfect signature.
Peter: That's a neat trick. Don't ever copy mine again.
Neal: Never again.
Peter: You have copied my signature.
Neal: Let's... focus on the crime at hand.
Elizabeth: I don't think he bugged the dog.
Mozzie: Amateur.
Peter: She's taking advantage of the system.
Neal: I hate when people take advantage of the system. Now... that I work for the system, of course.
Elizabeth: [Moz is sweeping the Burke's house for bugs] So, um, you sure he won't try anything?
Neal: Do you have any rare paintings or coins?
Elizabeth: No.
Neal: Then you'll be okay.
Mozzie: [offscreen] Is this Gorham silverware? It's rather unique.
Neal: Maybe you should keep an eye on him.
Elizabeth: Yeah.

Vital Signs [1.10]

Mozzie: A New Yorker who does not take the subway is not a New Yorker you can trust.
Neal: I don't take the subway.
Mozzie: Precisely.
Neal: You do realize you have to flirt with her for the rest of the afternoon now, right? Should be a fun story to tell Elizabeth over breakfast.
Elizabeth: Honey?
Peter: Yeah?
Elizabeth: What is this?
Peter: I was going to talk to you about that... That is part of an undercover job I was working. And part of the cover was that I had to talk to another woman.
Elizabeth: Must have been quite the conversationalist.
Peter: I had to flirt with her so Neal could get closer to the target.
Elizabeth: Isn't it usually the other way around?
Peter: She chose me.
Elizabeth: You had to seduce another woman?
Peter: No! No! I just had drinks with her. Nothing happened El, I swear! Are you laughing? You're laughing.
Elizabeth: You had to flirt? You hate flirting!
Neal: Out of all the people in my life—Mozzie, even Kate, you know—you're the only one.
Peter: "The only one" what?
Neal: The only person in my life I trust.
[Peter has a surveillance tape of Neal sneaking into a building]
Neal: [drugged and loopy] You stole that for me?
Peter: Yeah. It's a regular Kodak moment.

Home Invasion [1.11]

Alex Hunter: You've turned fed!?
Neal: I was forced fed.
[Neal has indicated that Peter is no longer a welcome house guest]
Peter: Is this because I ran prints on Alex?
Neal: It's for so many reasons.
[Peter is planning to stay in a hotel while his power is out]
Neal: Peter, mi casa is su casa.
Peter: Su casa is not even *su* casa.

Bottlenecked [1.12]

Peter: Manuel Campos just died in ICU. His wife's a mess. Says she didn't see the driver. NYPD's out of leads. Tell me who's responsible for this.
Neal: His name's Matthew Keller. He's the blue-collar version of me.

Front Man [1.13]

Neal: Whatever I did, I have proof I didn't do it.

Out of the Box [1.14]

[Peter arrives at Neal's apartment to find Alex and Mozzie there too]
Peter: Look at this, all the usual suspects in the same place; makes my job much easier. What are you kids up to?
Alex: We were just leaving.
Peter: I'm sure you were.
[Mozzie and Alex leave]
Peter: You met with Fowler and now Alex and your little buddy are here: you've got your whole crew together to steal the box. Tell me I'm wrong.
Neal: [shrugs] You're wrong?
Peter: I don't understand you. I gave you something good here and you're about to blow it. I gave you a shot at a better life.
Neal: It's not the life I want.
Peter: We all have our weaknesses. Kate's yours.
Mozzie: "We feel free when we escape—even if it be but from the frying pan into the fire." [Cuts Neal's anklet] No sirens.
Neal: Into the fire then.
Peter: You said good-bye to everyone but me. Why?
Neal: I don't know.
Peter: Yeah, you do. Tell me.
Neal: I don't know, Peter.
Peter: Why?
Neal: You know why!
Peter: Tell me!
Neal: 'Cause you're the only one who could change my mind!
[A beat passes. Tears are tracking down Neal's face. Peter's eyes are bright with them as well.]
Peter: Did I?
[After a moment glancing between Kate, who is waiting on the plane, and Peter, a visibly distraught Neal turns & walks away. After a few steps, he takes a hard breath and turns back to face Peter.]
Neal: Peter...
[The plane behind Neal explodes.]

Season 2

Withdrawal [2.01]

Neal: Hell hath no fury like a fed scorned.
Peter: Neal was a felon. He was convicted of bond forgery. And as you can see in those files, he was suspected of doing a hell of a lot of other things. Yeah, Neal was a pain in the ass. So did somebody from that past want him dead? Maybe. But he also helped me clear a 93% conviction rate. And that makes enemies, too.

Need to Know [2.02]

Neal: [having been handed a file by Diana] Oh, Peter, how could you keep this from me?
Diana: [serious, to Peter] I'm sorry, boss, but he needed to know.
Peter: [thinking that it's the music box file] Neal, listen--
Neal: I was expecting a little more Magnum PI, [turns file to reveal picture of mustachioed Peter, Peter looks horrified] and a little less Super Mario Bros.
Peter: I burned those; I burned all of those! Diana, where--?
Neal: [holding picture in front of his face as he walks up the stairs; Italian falsetto] I'm-a Mario!
Peter: Yeah, you look good in orange!
Neal: [watching a news clip] Gary Jennings, state senator.
Peter: You've heard of him?
Neal: I am politically aware. He's popular; even Mozzie voted for him.
Peter: [surprised] Mozzie votes?
Neal: More often than you'd think--or would approve of.
Neal: Now all we need is a bad cop.
Peter: I can do bad cop.
Neal: I've seen you do mildly irritated cop-- [Peter glares at him] Wow...
Peter: [after calling Diana into his office] You gonna tell her?
Neal: I'm not telling her, you tell her.
Peter: You're the one who made her a hooker!
Neal: You're the one who's sleeping with her.
Peter: You got a point.
Diana: [stepping into the office] Yeah?
Peter: Neal told Jennings you're a hooker, you and I are having an affair, you're gonna go meet with an escort service.
Diana: [perfectly calm and unsurprised] Okay. Anything else?
Peter: No. [Diana walks out of room]
Neal: [pause] It's good to have her back.
Neal: [Diana is sitting on his lap to fake being an escort] Is this doing anything for you?
Diana: [leans forward slightly] Not a damn thing.
Neal: [about Diana pretending to be an escort and being 'auditioned'] What were you gonna do if I hadn't come in?
Diana: [puts a strawberry in Neal's mouth while sitting on his lap] I would put this strawberry in that guy's mouth, take him up to my room, put a gun between his ribs, and tell him to sit tight, or I'd arrest him for solicitation.
Neal: [pause] That is really sexy.
Diana: Yeah.

Copycat Caffrey [2.03]

Neal: I love a good art heist.
Peter: Solving a good art heist.
Neal: That's what I said.
Peter:Mmm. Ever been on a campus?
Neal: Not as a student.
Peter: And yet you have three MBAs and two doctorates.
Neal: Clearly something's wrong with the system.
Neal: [holding his cell phone] Do you mind? I have to call Mozzie.
Peter: Are you sure Mozzie didn't do it?
Neal: [confidently] Yeah.
Peter: Why?
Neal: Slash and grab. [Peter is still confused] The frame's too high?
Peter: Oh.
Diana: [regarding the Criminology class] If you like that, you're gonna love this. This is the syllabus for the class.
Peter: [takes one look at the syllabus; sounds weak] Oh. [looks back up at Diana] He's gonna be impossible after that. [standing up and walking out of office] Where's Neal?!
Excerpt from a college criminology class syllabus:
Neal: Forger
A new breed of forger, technological virtuoso with a classical artistic foundation. Suspected of art forgery, theft of the Antioch manuscripts, and convicted of bond forgery. Caffrey was suspected of hundreds of thefts before Agent Burke of the FBI apprehended him. His highly sophisticated schemes made it difficult for the FBI to follow his trail, along with his mastery of the arts made many of his crimes go unnoticed for many years, long after the trail was cold.
He had a few accomplices, none on record, most of the time choosing to work alone, keeping the number of people that could turn on him to near zero. It is estimated that he forged over 10.3 billion dollars of priceless antiquities. Never the wiser, the FBI pursued him for six years and finally caught him.
Veronica [college student suspected in an art theft]: When executing a heist, Mr. Caffrey, do you prefer boxers or briefs?"
Neal: "I think some things are better left to the imagination.
Peter: I wear a Badge, he wears a Tracking-Anklet!

By the Book [2.04]

Peter: Where's the little guy?
Neal: Mozz!
[Mozzie walks up to stand next to Neal]
Peter: You two can fill me in from the beginning back at the Bureau! [walks away angrily]
Mozzie: He wants me to go to the Bureau?
Neal: Yeah, Mozz, if you want the FBI's help you have to go to the Bureau.
Mozzie: Do you know what they do to guys like me at the Bureau?
Neal: [pulls up his pant leg to show his tracking anklet] Yeah, Mozz, I do.

Unfinished Business [2.05]

Sara: Nothing’s changed. I’m dead. And the city looks the same.
Neal: As far as the world knows, you’re no longer in it, but it keeps turning
Sara: What do you want from me, Caffrey?
Neal: Who says I want anything?
Sara: I do. You’re a con man. You smile for a living. And you’re smiling at me right now, so I know that you want something.
Neal: All right. I would love… For you to pass me that fortune cookie. You first.
Sara: Apparently excitement and intrigue follow me. How about you?
Neal: I make delicious soups.
Sara: See you caffrey.
Neal: [sarcastically] So happy to have you back in my life.
Sara: Any attempt on your life actually gets your blood flowing like a double shot of red wine expresso. I think I just invented a new drink.

In the Red [2.06]

Prisoner's Dilemma [2.07]

Peter: Neal, this is John Deckard from the Marshals' office.
John Deckard: Are you sure it's necessary to bring him [Neal] in?
Peter: Neal, how long did you evade the U.S. Marshals?
Neal: Well, technically, they never found me. You did.
Kyle Bancroft (FBI Agent in Charge of the White Collar Crime Division): As I heard it, you had the Marshals searching for you along the Mexican Riviera.
Peter: If anyone knows about evading arrest, it's Neal Caffrey.

Company Man [2.08]

Neal: I think you missed your calling. Tiny cup, big office, expensive suits?
Peter: Ugly mugs are fine.
Neal: Don't fight your instincts, Peter. Embrace your true self.
Peter: You done?
Neal: I can keep going.
Peter: You're done.

Point Blank [2.09]

Peter: [to Neal] You're a liability, you're benched.
Neal: You can't pull me off this, Peter.
Peter: I can do whatever I want with you.
Mozzie: We all grow up.
Mozzie's contact: All children [looks at Neal] 'cept one.
Mozzie: Suit, we have a code red.
Peter : Now is not the time, Mozzie.
Mozzie: It's a dark day when I turn towards the system instead of recoiling.
Peter: Just spit it out.
Mozzie: Remember when you asked me to tell you if Neal was gonna do something stupid? Well, I regretfully report that... he's out of his anklet.
Peter: Damn it!
Mozzie: But that's not the stupid part. He's got a gun.

Burke's Seven [2.10]

Sara Ellis: A prince, huh?
Neal: I've been a prince.
Sara: When was that?
Peter: Yeah, when was that?

Forging Bonds [2.11]

[A flashback to when Neal, under the alias Nicholas Halden, worked for Vincent Adler.]
Vincent Adler: Others say "Dress for the job you want", I say dress like the man you wanna be. Nick, we have an obligation to assault the commonplace every chance we get, from the clothes we wear to the art we collect, to the women in our lives.
Neal: He's the man who made me who I am today. [referring to Vincent Adler]
Neal: I came back to New York...
Peter: Kate was gone.
Neal: She learned something from me, cause she disappeared. I started running big cons. I guess I was trying to get her attention.
Peter: Well, you certainly got ours, Steve Tabernacle.
Neal: You knew about Steve?
Peter: We knew a lot of things...
[A flashback to Neal and Kate Moreau's reunion]
Neal: I missed you. And I lied to you about a lot of things. But I never lied to you about loving you.
Kate: I believe you. I love you too.
[A flashback to Neal's arrest]
Peter: Neal Caffrey, you're under arrest.
Neal: I know. Thank you. I never would have found her [Kate] without you.
Peter: It's my pleasure.
Neal: So you guys were all in that municipal van out front. That's gotta be uncomfortable.

What Happens In Burma... [2.12]

Neal: You just burned a perfectly good alias!
Peter: And you named me after my dog.
Neal: Touché
Neal: If I'm not my father's son, who am I?
Neal: I tried to get you to go to France.
Peter: No, you fled to France.
Neal: Nitpicking.
Neal: I should've sent postcards.
Peter: I had Interpol warrants, just as good. "Neal's robbing a palace, wish you were here."

Countermeasures [2.13]

Peter: I'm not comfortable with this.
Neal: You're not comfortable? I've got the Men In Black bobsled team breathing down my neck.

Payback [2.14]

Power Play [2.15]

Elizabeth: You could bring Neal.
Peter: Why Neal?
Elizabeth: Oh honey, she's [the client] really nervous. Neal has a calming smile.
Elizabeth: [after Neal impersonated Peter] Did we just do that?
Neal: Didn see any other option.
Elizabeth: Of course.
Neal: So, which one of us is telling Peter?

Under The Radar [2.16]

Neal: Peter... in case we don't make it, I just want you to know...
Peter: I know. Me, too.

Season 3

On Guard [3.01]

Neal: The last person who mixed these paints was Picasso. Taking from the masters.
Mozzie: Ah, Picasso was a communist, he'd be happy to share.

Where There's a Will [3.02]

Deadline [3.03]

Mozzie: Get a room!
Sara Ellis: We are in a room!
Neal Caffrey: MY room!
Sara: Sweetie.
Neal: Yes, darling.
Sara: Did you take out the garbage?
Neal: Darling, I shredded the garbage. You know the feds love to rummage.

The Dentist of Detroit [3.04]

Veiled Threat [3.05]

Sara: What’s the grand prize on this?
Neal: I get to take a very lovely, very dangerous woman out on a date.
Sara: It’s nothing you can’t handle.
Neal: Thanks to you.
Sara: Ah, we actually have never been on a date.
Neal: Peter and Elizabeth’s house.
Sara: Dinner date, not date-date.
Neal: Define date-date.
Sara: One on one.
Neal: What about lunches?
Sara: Lunch is not romantic, lunch is lunch!
Neal: …we’ve never been on a real date.
Diana: Do you cook like this for Sara?
Neal: I haven't thought about it.
Diana: Do think about it. The insurance agent Barbie would be impressed.

Scott Free [3.06]

Peter Burke: [discussing their newest case] This guy's a skilled forger, safe cracker, lots of panache, and he's only twenty years old. Think we might be looking at the next Neal Caffrey.
Neal Caffrey: Mm-hmm. He's a hacker. I don't hack.
Peter Burke: You're right. A Neal Caffrey for the new millennia, then.
Neal Caffrey: When I was twenty, I didn't get caught.
Peter: What can you tell us about him?
Neal:(shrugs) He's a kid. He likes shiny things and steals them.

Taking Account [3.07]

[Peter, Neal & Mozzie are all in Peter's car waiting for contact from the superhacker, "Vulture". Vulture contacts them by text messages, which are read aloud by Peter's car's Bluetooth device.]
Vulture: Send out the handsome one.
[Peter & Neal both shrug. Neal starts to get out.]
Vulture: The one in the back.
Mozzie: Consider that a lesson in modesty.
Sara: My apartment is fully under construction so until I pull my next commission check…
Neal: You could stay with me. You know, until this is cleared up.
Sara: Uh — At June’s? You sure that’s a good idea?
Neal: Well, it’s not the Four Seasons, but… I can bring you food on a little cart.
Sara: Okay.
Peter: I remember when Elizabeth moved in.
Neal: No. No. This is temporary.
Peter: Yep. So was El.
Neal: These past few days ,they reminded me of the Palazzo Sasso, they have been perfect.
Sara: You´re really hung up on that hotel
Neal: It wasn´t just the hotel, it was a time of my life when I had everything I was looking for, freedom, excitement, comfort, and the right people to share it with.
Sara: You think this may be one of those moments?
Neal: What if I told you that we could keep living like this?

As You Were [3.08]

Neal: Cryptic postcards from old friends mean trouble. [Peter looks sharply at Neal.] In my experience.
Jones: So... I gotta ask: what does "having all" mean to Neal Caffrey?
Neal: Never having to worry about money. Doing something meaningful with people I respect.
Jones: [chuckling] Screw you.
Neal: Screw me?
Jones: Yeah... screw you. You're already living the dream.
Neal: No, I'm not-!
Jones: Yes! Yes, you are. You are the damn dream with a tracking anklet.
Neal: Yeah... well, screw you, too, then. 'Cause you've got the same things I do.
Neal: How'd you get a warrant?
Peter: I have a friend in the U.S. Attorney's office... and I bought a boatload of her kid's band candy.
Neal: You can never have too much band candy.
Peter: Yeah... I just wish they had something besides those damn chocolate bars.
[Sara found out about Neal’s treasure]
Neal: What’s going on? Are you leaving?
Sara: The renovations on my apartment are far enough along, that I can move back in.
Neal: Doesn’t mean you have to head out right this second.
Sara: Neal. I’m leaving, Done.
Neal: A few hours ago, we were fine. And now you’re walking out? What Happened?
Sara: Well, the inevitable happened, Neal. I mean, we didn’t think this was gonna last.
Neal: I didn’t know we were a fait accompli.
Sara: Come on. This was fun .. But we’re two very different people.
Neal: Oh, come on, Sara, you’ve always known who I am.
Sara: Yeah, you’re right.
Neal: Okay .. I guess you figured out everything I have to offer. We could be good together.
Sara: [sighs] I know … Neal, you live in the clouds… And I live on West 69th.
Neal: I never promised you anything else.
Sara: I know.
Neal: Well, you found your way out.
Sara: I’ll figure out the rest of my things.
Neal: Yeah.
Sara: Caffrey, please take care of yourself.
[Satchmo comes into the Burkes' bedroom, where Neal is attempting to crack Peter's wall safe, and whines at him.]
Neal: Don't look at me like that.

On The Fence [3.09]

Neal: What's around here?
Mozzie: The Palace.
Neal: Always a fan favorite.
Neal: I hope you don't forget anything between us.
Sara: Nope, I won't forget that you stole the Raphael.
Mozzie: Bless me father, for I am about to sin.

Countdown [3.10]

[Mozzie wants Neal to run away with him.]
Mozzie: (Neal's close friend and a fellow conman): Do you want to leave or not?
Neal: No. There are things about this life I'm not ready to give up.
Mozzie: Do you even know what this life is anymore? I mean, you're, on a leash...
Neal: I can always walk out that door, Moz. I can never walk back in.
Mozzie: Well, then, you've made your choice. I always thought ours would be a happy ending.
Neal: If you want a happy ending, it depends—
Mozzie: —On where you stop the story. Yeah, Orson Welles.
(Neal opens a door and Peter reaches into his pocket and takes out a set of lock picks)
Peter: What are you planning on using these for?
Neal: (smiles) Always be prepared right?
Peter: Yeah (grabs Neal by the arm and pulls him inside with him and talks to security) I have a hostile witness on my hands, do you have a holding room or office I can leave him while I conduct my business upstairs?
Guard: Yeah, right here.
Neal: Come one, Peter, you cannot lock me in here-
Peter: (closes and locks the door on a still-protesting Neal) Watch me.

Checkmate [3.11]

Peter: Why didn't you leave?
Neal: You...Elizabeth, Sara, the view from that porch, getting off the elevator Monday morning...I have a life here.
Peter: We've been playing by Keller's rules. Let's change the game.
Matthew Keller (Neal's blue-collar counterpart): ...last time, we were sneaking out of somewhere because you got caught in bed with that princess.
Neal: I didn't get caught in bed with her. They found me on the ledge outside her window.
Keller: I remember seeing you standing there with nothing but a solid gold tray covering your junk. I was the one that got you down from there before they started shooting at you.
Peter: In three months you could be a free man.

Upper West Side [3.12]

Peter: I said sit on a bench, not reenact Dead Poet Society.
Peter: I'll need an alias.
Neal: Alistair Stone. A wealthy Hong Kong banker, relocating to New York, looking for a school for your son, Alistair Jr. You like catamarans and cognac.
Peter: It's like you're an alias savant. [Neal shrugs] I do like catamarans, but, let's go with Peter instead of Alistair.
Neal: Linda's gonna be upset.
Peter: Linda?
Neal: Your wife. She affectionately calls you Ali.
Peter: She'll get over it.

Neighborhood Watch [3.13]

Elizabeth: Spousal immunity?
Neal: You made that up.
Peter: Yes, she has spousal immunity.
Neal: Guess they couldn't crack the safe.
Peter: So they took the whole damn thing.
Peter: Agent Wesley did not graduate from Quantico so that he could write your case reports.

Pulling Strings [3.14]

Neal: Okay, who’s the case agent?
Peter: Before I tell you, remember that your commutation hearing is coming up. You should consider this an opportunity to impress Diana, Jones and myself with you maturity and self-restraint.
Neal: Peter, what did you do?
Mozzie: Neal! We are con men,grifters, mountebanks, flim flamers. We have to keep our skills sharp.
Neal: Flim flammers?
Mozzie: See? I'm already turning into a dinosaur.
Neal: Jones, she [Sara] roped you into this too?
Jones: Well, Peter said to help her legally, so you wouldn't have to illegally.
Sara: We need to have some rules.
Neal: I love rules.
Sara: ok. Rule no 1, don't date the boss.
Neal: Too late.
Neal:[about sara's boss] He was your rebound from me.
Sara: Why not, considering you were my rebound from him.
Neal: Ouch. You know, Sara, I am starting to see a pattern here.
Sara: Yeah. Apparently I date criminals.
Neal: 'Alleged' criminals.

Stealing Home [3.15]

Peter: I don't know what you are planning here, but you are one week away from freedom.
Neal: You're welcome.
Peter: [Filling out a form] Do you have any family in the area?
Neal: None to speak of.
Peter: Marital status?
Neal: Seriously?
Peter: You and Sara are getting along again. Maybe you eloped.
Neal: Vegas is a little outside my radius, don't you think? Do you have to do that now?
Peter: Neal, your commutation hearing is in a week. I put this off as long as I could. Would you say you have a girlfriend?
Neal: That's really on there?
Peter: Neal, the board is deciding whether to release you from you anklet permanently, from me. They wanna know who's in your life. Are they a good influence or are they gonna steer you back to the dark side?
Neal: And you think Sara could be an angel on my shoulders.
Peter: As opposed to the little devil you have there now.
Neal: Mozzie's more of an imp than a devil.
Peter: If you work hard, swing the fences, anything is possible.
Peter: There are things in the past, that live in the past.
Sara: What's going on?
Peter: Neal's about to rob Yankee Stadium.
[Neal, while undercover, hides a note for Peter under the stitching of a forged Babe Ruth baseball.]
Jones: Caffrey took a real chance writing a message in that ball.
Peter: Oh, Neal may be the expert in spotting forged paintings and bearer bonds—
Diana: And gems...
Jones: ...Antiquities, counterfeit money...
Diana: ...Pretty much any kind of document.
Peter: —Anyway, baseball's my thing.

Judgment Day [3.16]

Neal: Regardless of what the committee decides, this is my home now.
Mozzie: And I am right beside you now.
Neal: Whether there's an anklet or not, come Monday, I'm going to be stepping off that elevator on the 21st floor to go to work.
Peter: You once told me you never lied to me and you never will. So I need to know something. The first time Kramer and I went after you for the Degas, how did you switch the paintings?
Neal : I snuck up to the penthouse, pulled the swap, then base-jumped off the building and landed on Wall Street.
Peter: [laughing it off] Fine. Don't tell me.
Board Member: Your husband trusts Neal?
Elizabeth: He does, when it counts.
Board Member: When it counts?
Elizabeth: Well, Neal was a con man. I don't know if you'd want him dating your sister. [Awkward pause] Can I take that back?
Board Member: No.
Elizabeth: Look, Peter and Neal, they argue, they bicker. But in the end, when it counts, Peter puts up with it. Peter puts up with Neal because he's worth it.
Board Member: Should Mr. Caffrey's sentence be commuted?
Elizabeth: Yes.
Board Member: Has your personal relationship with Mr. Caffrey influenced your testimony today?
Sara: Oh, yes. Most definitely.
Board Member: This isn't the first time you've testified regarding Mr. Caffrey, is it?
Sara: No. Six years ago, I testified against him.
Board Member: Yes. At the trial where he was convicted of forgery?
Sara: Yes. And I went after him with everything I had. I called him a liar and a thief and probably a sociopath, and I meant every word of it.
Board Member: So, what changed?
Sara: Neal did.
Clinton Jones: "Well, Caffrey understands people. You need space, he keeps to himself. You need to talk, he listens. You need a beer, he'll pour. Although he'll let you know he's slumming it."
Neal: “I’m happy here. You know, someone once told me, my life is a dream with an anklet attached. If I wake up tomorrow and that anklet is still on, I have a good job, a wonderful home, a partner and a best friend. A family. But to wake up and answer only to myself. That would mean everything.”
Holloman [member of the board for Neal's commutation hearing]: "You caught him [Neal]?
Peter: Twice. And you should know, the last time I caught him, he was sitting alone in an empty apartment. He had nothing. No one."
Holloman: "And now?"
Peter: He has a life. A real life here. One that keeps him grounded and decent. As you've heard, there are many people who care about Neal, people who see him as more than just a criminal. He's frustrating, I'll admit. He drives me crazy on his best days. I don't always have to know where Neal is or what he's up to. But I do know that he has a good heart and a set of principles that weren't there six years ago when he was just another case file that got dropped on my desk.
Board Member: Agent Burke, should Neal Caffrey's sentence be commuted?
Peter: Yes, I'm saying Neal should be free.

Season 4

Wanted [4.01]

Agent Collins: Agent Burke, I am going to find Neal Caffrey, and you're going to help me.
Dobbs: Paradise comes at a price, Mr. Maine.
Neal: You know, I used to take pride in being able to steal your wallet. But if a kid can do it...How are you, Peter.
Peter: Alright. [Hugs Neal] Damn good to see you.
Neal: You too.
Peter: The DOJ has someone looking for you
Neal: If they didn't I'd be insulted.
Mozzie: You're James Maine. Rich, carefree island resident.
Neal: Neal Caffrey on the other hand is...
Mozzie: A wanted fugitive.
Agent Collins: Neal Caffrey has twenty seven known aliases, he has a weakness for beautiful women and he runs.
Peter: I guess he does.
Mozzie: Contrary to popular belief, I do not have the compassion of Jesus.

Most Wanted [4.02]

Peter: This trip doesn't have big brother's blessing.
Neal: To the island's most wanted.
Peter: May they return to where they belong.
Mozzie: [Distracting Collins] Excuse me, sir, there's a lot of fruit here.
Jones: And the award for best foreign capture goes to...
Diana: Neal Caffrey.

Diminishing Returns [4.03]

Peter: [After receiving his new assignment] You're sending me to the cave?
Peter: This is not my assignment, I can't disobey orders.
Neal: We can wait another five years to catch this guy, or we can take him down tomorrow.
Neal: So you saying I'm your front man.
Mozzie: Good partnerships are hard to find.
Neal: Who are your friend?
Mozzie: Fellow travelers on this journey we call life.
Neal: They like my ice wines.
Mozzie: That makes sense, they come from colder climate.
Neal: What's the game?
Mozzie: I don't know. But I'm very good at it.
Peter: I saw a suspicious van and wondered if there was any illegal activity taking place inside.
Neal: Just a convict and an FBI agent watching TV.
Elizabeth: you're an FBI agent, Peter Burke. Go get your job back.
Peter: Neal, you're not a killer.
Neal: But I am a criminal.

Parting Shots [4.04]

Neal: The thing about fleeing suspects is that they can't say goodbye---to anyone. You know why I had to run.
Sara: I know. Just so you know the world didn't stop rotating when you were gone.
Neal: Do you have a radius?
Peter: I have a badge.
Neal: I can't con a widow.
Agent Peterson: Where are you going?
Peter: To cross a line.
Peter: How did you leave things with Sara?
Neal: Why??
Peter: Look behind you.
[Neal finds Sara upon looking back]
Sara: I am looking for agent Burke.
Neal: Sara.
Sara: Neal. How did your island trip go?
Neal: Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sara: Until the hangover.
Peter: [talking to Neal] ...south-east corner, by the monument.
Sara: Neal?
Peter: Yup. He didn tell anyone when he was leaving for the island.
Sara: I wasn't completely unaware.
Peter: You knew he was gonna run?
Sara: Something I have learnt. Things get stolen and people go away. Most of the time you don't get them back.

Honor Among Thieves [4.05]

Identity Crisis [4.06]

Compromising Positions [4.07]

Ancient History [4.08]

Gloves Off [4.09]

[Excerpt from a video Ellen Parker, former police partner of Neal's father, made 30 years earlier, when Neal was three years old.]
Ellen Parker: By now, I assume you know, your father’s been accused of a very serious crime. He told me he was innocent and I believed him. I worked with him a long time. He’s no killer, Neal. The man I know can’t be. After he was arrested, your dad told me that our department is filled with dirty cops and they set him up. So I’ve spent the last few months running down leads, trying to back up his story, and he’s right about one thing: there are dirty cops, a lot of them. But did they set him up? I—I thought maybe they had. And then, uh, yesterday, your father confessed to the murder. I tried to talk to him, but all anyone will tell me is that he turned state’s evidence and that you, your mom, and I are being placed into witness protection.
[Neal asks the person he believes to be Samuel Phelps, an undercover cop, about his father.]
'Samuel Phelps': He [your father] never shut up about you. You’d think he was the only guy in the planet who had a son, the way he carried on. One day, he brought you down to the precinct and he introduced you around as a junior detective to every cop in the house. I mean, you just loved that. And then, I remember, at some point, you drifted away. Man, did he panic. He had about ten detectives looking for you. We finally found you in the captain’s office, wearing his hat. I guess you always had a thing for hats.
Neal: I don’t remember that.
'Sam': Well, you were young.
[Peter investigates 'Samuel Phelps', after promising Neal he wouldn’t, putting 'Sam' in danger.]
Neal [to Peter]: Well, that’s the heart of our problem isn’t it? You don’t trust me. You still don’t trust me…I may be a ward of the state. And I will do my job for the FBI. But as far as my personal life goes, we are done. We’re done.

Vested Interest [4.10]

Peter: We have the highest closure rate of any C.I. team in the country. They wanna know what makes our partnership work.
Neal: I've been wondering the same thing lately.
Mozzie: Great, I brought a cork screw to a gun fight.
Neal: May I borrow Percy? [Sam gives them a strange look.]
Mozzie: My pet rat. He eats all the fancy cheeses that I... can't. In many ways I live through him.
Sam: Many ways?
Neal: Don't get him started.
Peter: Anderson is targeting a cutting edge bulletproof vest from the Hudson group.
Diana: Word is, this will be the best protection on the market.
Neal: My favorite method of protection is avoiding situations where people might shoot at me.
Peter: You ever wonder what would've happened if I hadn't made you my C.I.?
Neal: I'd still be in jail and your arrest rate would be in the low 70s.
Peter: High 80s.
Neal: Why did you take my deal?
Peter: I told you, your expertise.
Neal: That's all?
Peter: I realized... all those crimes you were committing, they were never about money, or greed.
Neal: What do you think they were about?
Peter: The challenge. That's what we have in common. I love the challenge.
Neal: I know you do.
Peter: And after all those years of chasing you, your cryptic clues, your late-night phone calls from international numbers...
Neal: Yeah, and the cookies, and birthday cards...
Peter: Yeah. I realized I liked you. That's why I took your deal.
Neal: ...I may or may not have faked my death on multiple occasions -- Panama City, Bangalore.
Peter: Monterey Bay. I remember -- gored by a great white shark.
Neal: Thought you might appreciate that.
Peter: Who doesn't love a good shark mauling?
Moderator: There has to be immense trust between you two...
Peter: Usually. But when there isn't, there's always faith... Faith that whatever the other is doing, it's for a good reason.
Neal: As long as Peter has faith in me, I'll have faith in him.

Family Business [4.11]

Neal: I don't know whether to be mad or impressed that my own dad conned me.
Mozzie: Well at least you learned where you inherited that particular skill from.
Neal: I keep thinking I should've known it was him. That even after all these years a man should know his own father when he's right in front of him.
Mozzie: And here he is. Yet you seem hesitant to seize that opportunity.
Neal: To do what Moz? Go out in the backyard and throw a baseball. He doesn't get to come back here and make up for lost time.

Brass Tacks [4.12]

Empire City [4.13]

Shoot the Moon [4.14]

The Original [4.15]

Neal [to James Bennett, his father]: You asked me why I don't have original art? I’ve had three different names and a dozen different aliases because of you. And to be an artist, you have to know who you are.
James: You're my son. And I'm very proud of that.

In the Wind [4.16]

James Bennett: Hey, you know, you inherited your old man's impatience, you've just got a little bit more self-control.
Neal: Okay. What else did I get from my old man?
James: "Well, you've got my height...extraordinary good looks. Everybody said you got my eyes."
Neal: When I was five, Mom told me that you were the blue in my eyes. And I'd run upstairs and crawl right up next to the bathroom mirror and look so hard for you.
[Neal and James Bennett (his father) discuss a box of evidence that could exonerate James from murdering a fellow cop.]
James: You think that what's in there [the evidence box] will tell you who I am.
Neal: And if it does?
James: Then, you will finally know who you are. You know, you're not me, Neal.
Neal: No, but you are the blue in my eyes.
James: Don't forget the extraordinary good looks.
[Neal makes a fake marriage proposal to Sara Ellis on the Observation deck of the Empire State Building.]
Neal: First time we met, you were chasing me. First time we spoke, you called me a sociopath—
Sara: Well, that was at your trial, and I'm not entirely sure I was wrong.
Neal: —First time we had dinner, you asked me what I wanted from you. And the first time we kissed, I realized that I don't want anything...except you. And now I'm asking if you'll go on one more adventure with me. Sara Ellis, will you marry me?
Sara: Yes, I will. [They kiss.] You bastard, that was a little too real. And it was damn good.
Neal: Well, make it look good. That's my job.

Season 5

At What Price [5.01]

Elizabeth: Do we have any options?
Neal: We do, but they mostly involve you two living under new identities in Alaska.
Elizabeth: Anything less nuclear?
Neal: Not yet.
Elizabeth: Well I've always wanted to drive a snowmobile to work, so... Do whatever you have to do, okay?
Neal: How are we gonna convince Peter to break out of prison?
Mozzie: Who says we have to convince him?
Neal: What, are you gonna carry him out?

Out of the Frying Pan [5.02]

David: [holding Mozzie at gunpoint] Get your hands up. You're not going anywhere.
Mozzie: Uh, tell that to Emil Berliner.

[remotely activates a gramophone, distracting Siegel, and runs off]

One Last Stakeout [5.03]

Controlling Interest [5.04]

Master Plan [5.05]

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