< Vorkosigan Saga

Vorkosigan Saga/Funny


  • What the Shopping Trip from Barrayar is to Awesome, the Dinner Party from A Civil Campaign is to Funny.
    • "Mother, father, I'd like to introduce you to -- she's getting away!"
    • For some reason, Mark's line earlier in the book never fails to make me laugh every time I read it:

Mark: "I wasn't questioning her fitness. That was merely a random noise of surprise."

    • "Here, buggy buggy..."
    • Particularly when the guests start to leave:

Lord Dono (formerly known as Lady Donna): Thank you, Lord Vorkosigan, for a most memorable evening.
Aral: Who was that? Looks familiar somehow . . .

    • And then...

Cordelia: Pym! I seconded you to look after Miles. Would you care to explain this scene?
Pym (after a thoughtful pause): No, Milady.

    • As Miles retreats in utter disarray:

Aral: Miles, are you drunk?
Miles: Not yet, sir. Not nearly enough yet.

  • Of course, since A Civil Campaign has the secondary title: "A Comedy of Manners and Biology", the above are but a few of many. For example:
    • A popular (among Tropers) character-defining moment for Miles, when Simon Illyan visits Ekaterin a few days after the Party:

Simon: Do you know all those old folk tales where the count tries to get rid of his only daughter's unsuitable suitor by giving him three impossible tasks?
Ekaterin: Yes.
Simon: Don't ever try that with Miles. Just . . . don't.

"Who did he call?"

    • "Twit."
    • Ekaterin and Gregor's ironic, outlandish solution to a subplot that's mentioned twice in the entire book. She proposes the solution, he makes it an Imperial Decree.

Miles: We want to be out of the chamber before he reaches the second page.
(From inside the chamber a few moments later): DOWRIES! A hundred and eighteen dowries!

    • Miles grandstanding as he resolves the problem with Dr. Borgos' extradition to Escobar.
  • Miles's attempt to a yes-man for Emperor Gregor in Memory, which consists of him answering everything with "Yes, Sire" until Gregor (who is, fortunately, also Miles's foster brother) tells him to stop.
  • Miles suffering from an outbreak of limericks in the middle of an official poetry-recitation ceremony in Cetaganda probably also qualifies.
  • Miles suffering from an outbreak of Richard The Third on fast forward after being doped to the eyeballs with fast-penta. And in general Miles's ... interesting reactions to fast-penta.
  • Ivan's reaction to his mother's new paramour:

Miles: You don't need to bellow.
Ivan: I am not bellowing. I'm being firm.
Miles: Could you please be firm at a lower volume?
Ivan: No. Simon Illyan is sleeping with my mother, and it's your fault!

  • In The Vor Game, Miles has been tasered into unconsciousness by cops and sold onto an indentured servant ship in the middle of a mission far from Barrayar. Then he comes to and sees his foster brother, Gregor, on the same ship with him:

A face wavered into view. A familiar face.
"Gregor! Am I glad to see you," Miles burbled inanely. He felt his burning eyes widen. His hands shot out to clench Gregor's shirt, a pale blue prisoner's smock. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"It's a long story."

  • Not that Cordelia finds it funny, but this troper had to put down Barrayar and laugh for a good five minutes at the Barrayaran doctor's advice after she's just surgically given birth, hiked across a good amount of countryside while on the run from an enemy faction that wants to kill her and her family. Her feet are bloody, she has scars from her surgery, and she's severely malnourished and dehydrated. His advice?

"Have you considered starting an exercise program, Lady Vorkosigan?"

    • A little later in the same novel, Cordelia combines a Crowning Moment of Awesome with CMOF by "going shopping."
      • The funniest moment of that is this:

Aral Vorkosigan: (immediately after Cordelia has rolled Vordarian's severed head out on the table) Gentlemen. If you would be pleased to excuse yourself for a few minutes. I wish to be alone with my wife.
Unknown Whisperer: (as the room hurriedly clears) Brave man.

    • Several books—and roughly thirty years in-story—after Cordelia's CMOA, Ekaterin suggests to Miles that they go shopping. Miles can only quip, "That's an offer seldom made to the son of my mother..."
  • From Falling Free:

Bannerji: What are you doing with that, Dr. Yei?
Dr. Yei: Applying psychology. [Whacks Van Atta on the back of his head with a wrench.]
Bannerji: Dr. Yei, if you're trying to knock a man out you've got to hit him a lot harder than that.
Dr. Yei: I didn't want to risk killing him....
Bannerji: Why not?

    • Also, the reason she gave for borrowing the wrench in the first place: "To adjust an attitude."
  • Miles' debut as Imperial Auditor in Memory is worth several chuckles.
    • When Ivan finds out:

Ivan (indicating the elaborate gold chain and seal around Miles' neck): My God. Is that real?
Miles: You want to try to peel off the foil wrapping and eat the chocolate inside?

    • As Miles arrives at ImpSec headquarters:

Miles (to the gate guards): Good afternoon, gentlemen. Please get on your comconsole and tell General Haroche that the Imperial Auditor is here. I request and require him to meet me in person at his front gate. Now.
Guard: Aren't you the same fellow we threw out of here this morning?
Miles: Not exactly, no. Note, please, that I am not trying to enter your premises. I have no intention of throwing you into the dilemma of trying to choose whether to disobey a direct order, or else commit an act of treason. But I do know it takes approximately four minutes to physically get from the Chief's office to the front gate. At that point, your troubles will be over.
(Four minutes, twenty-nine seconds elapse.)
Miles: Good afternoon, General.
Haroche: Vorkosigan. I told you not to come back here.
Miles: Try again.
Haroche (staring at the Auditor's chain and seal): That can't be real.
Miles: The penalty for counterfeiting an Imperial Auditor's credentials is death.
Haroche (voice cracking): My Lord Auditor.

    • Shortly afterwards in Haroche's office, Haroche comments on Miles' Bling of War:

Haroche (somewhat plaintively): Vorkosigan, tell me—is that really a Cetagandan Order of Merit?
Miles: Yeah.
Haroche: And the rest of it?
Miles: I didn't clean out my father's desk drawer, if that's what you're asking. Everything here is accounted for, in my classified files. You may be one of the few men on the planet who doesn't have to take my word for it.

    • And then, later on, Miles and Illyan take a boat out fishing. When they are unsuccessful, they decide to use a stunner rejiggered into an improvised bomb.
      • And in Komarr, Miles ponders on waiting for inspiration, and how it is less like hunting and more like fishing. Then he remembers the last time he went fishing.
    • Simon had earlier voiced suspicions about the piscine population of the lake:

Simon: Do you suppose all the fish in your lake have been stolen?
Miles: They'd have to catch 'em first.

  • In Komarr, after Miles and Ekaterin have their Take My Hand moment into the pond:

Ekaterin (faintly): Oh, drat.
Miles (mildly, after a meditative pause): Madame Vorsoisson, has it ever occurred to you that you may be just a touch oversocialized?

  • Also from Komarr: When Tien's creditors call Ekaterine, Miles blithely jumps into the call and forwards them to ImpSec to get rid of them.

Ekaterin: Now, was that nice?

  • This exchange from Cryoburn:

Miles: My case budget allows for a lot of discretion, you know.
Vorlynkin: Then I really wish you'd buy some!

Leiber: You're pretty free with that thing.
Roic: It's all right. I have a license to stun.
Leiber: I thought that was supposed to be a license to kill.
Roic:That, too. But you would not believe all the forms that have to be filled out, afterward

  • In one of the books, Ivan gripes about the trouble Miles causes for "innocent bystanders." Miles asks if he considers himself part of that class. Ivan sighs, "God knows I try to be."
  • Captain Vorpatril's Alliance: Ivan came up with a plan to get a young lady out of certain difficulties by marrying her, and then divorcing once she was clear of the danger. The divorce court session, though, didn't go as planned. Perhaps she shouldn't have commented, in front of the judge and witnesses, that yes, Ivan satisfied her sexual needs -- and in fact was a "really good" lover.... The fact that the would-be divorcees were holding hands for mutual reassurance in the courtroom may have worked against them, too.
  • A Civil Campaign. The couch. The Parental Hypocrisy entry on the main page gives a pretty good summary, but Kareen's thoughts, when Drou's first words after a minute or so of silence indicate she's already half-surrendered:[2]

Ooh. Ooh. Oooh! Check, and did she ever want the story behind this one...! Her father had underestimated the Countess, Kareen realized. That hadn't taken any more than three minutes.

  • Back to Captain Vorpatril's Alliance: Ivan tossed his communicator into the refrigerator because his boss kept calling back at a time when Ivan really couldn't give any good answers. That's funny enough, but later Miles asks for clarification -- and then agrees that Ivan's reason makes perfect sense. Gregor asks, "It does?" but takes Miles' word for it.
  • As Ivan mentioned in The Warrior's Apprentice, there's something backwards about tying a man up and gagging him so he won't run away or shout for help while you're giving him forty-four thousand dollars. It makes complete, and hilarious, sense in context.
  • From Gentleman Jole and the Red Queen, one of Admiral Jole's most amusing yet apropos observations on life, the universe, and everything. (The context is that he's dealing with a major screwup/cost-overrun by a military contractor).

He’d almost wished for some clever evil plot, which they could then engage to out-clever. It could be surprisingly hard to counter Plain Stupid. Even by heroic measures.

  • From the same book, we find out the Vicereine's priority system for emergency messages from her staff when she's on vacation.

Admiral Jole: Too bad we couldn't lose our wristcoms.
Vicereine Cordelia Vorkosigan: I don’t know about you, but I’ve set mine to 'volcanoes'.
Jole: What?!?
Cordelia: I’ve trained my staff. I have five levels of interruptions, ranging from one, 'If you must know,' two, 'Diplomatic crisis,' then three, 'Has to involve emergency medical teams,' through four, 'Only in case of erupting volcanoes.'
Jole: What in the world is Level Five, then?
Cordelia: Family.

  • The unscripted, unchoregraphed tag-team that Miles and Gregor run on Cavilo during The Vor Game, with no chance to coordinate beforehand. First Miles opens the dance by casting himself as a sinister would-be kingmaker, the son of another one, who would welcome the chance to murder his own father and collab with Cavilo to kill Gregor and place Miles on the throne of Barrayar.[3] When Cavilo then tries to turn Gregor against Miles by replaying this conversation, Gregor calmly comes back with a story about Miles as an incompetent, pathetic would-be schemer who's been trying to sell this story to everybody in the Imperial Court for years and who Gregor keeps around because he's harmless, amuses him, and is occasionally useful for aiming at enemies. By this point Cavilo's eyes are starting to glaze over with the sheer amount of curve balls her plan has taken in the past ten minutes.
    • Particularly noteworthy about this scene is Elena -- who grew up with both Miles and Gregor from infancy -- literally rolling on the floor laughing hysterically from having to listen to this.
  1. ↑ Answer: Emperor Gregor Vorbarra, on his direct unlisted #.
  2. ↑ Kou had predicted that in ten minutes, "we'll be sitting there nodding away like fools, agreeing with every insane thing she says."
  3. ↑ Which is, note, the legitimate succession order of the Barrayaran Imperium at this time -- Gregor, Aral, then Miles.
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