The Tourist/Funny

• Frank's and Elsie's first meeting on the train:

Frank: My name's Frank.
Elsie: That's a terrible name.
Frank: (shrugs) It's the only one I've got.
Elsie: Perhaps we can find you a new one.

• Frank's attempts to invite Elsie to dinner.

Elsie: Invite me to dinner, Frank?
Frank: What?
Elsie: (gives him a look)
Frank: Would you like to have dinner?
Elsie: Women don't like questions.
Frank: Join me for dinner.
Elsie: Too demanding.
Frank: Join me for dinner?
Elsie: Another question.
Frank: (thinks for a moment) I'm having dinner, if you'd care to join me.
Elsie: (smiles at him)

• When Frank sees Elsie in her evening wear.

Frank: Fuck.

Elsie: Gives look.

Frank: You're ravenous.

Elsie: Do you mean 'ravishing'?

Frank: I do.

Elsie: You're ravenous.

Frank: I am.

• When the two thugs are trying to break into Frank's hotel room and he calls the reception for help.

Frank: (into the phone) Hello? Please help!
Concierge: (answering phone) Buongiorno, signore.
Frank: Buongiorno- I, I need help! There are two men trying to break down the door...
Concierge: I see, what kind of problem do you have with the door, sir?
Frank: No, no, no! There are two men with guns trying to break in! Dos hombres, con... con pistolas!
Concierge: Your Spanish is excellent, sir.
Frank: Thank you...
(The thugs start to shoot out the door lock)
Frank: Ah, I gotta go! (Frank drops the phone and exits through the window)
Concierge: Sir? (slams down the receiver) American!

• Fleeing his would-be assailants, Frank runs along rooftops, leaps across a gap to an awning, and dashes through a crowded marketplace... in his pajamas. The chase ends when he runs into a policeman (literally), and is promptly arrested. (Yes, the whole sequence is very reminiscent of Jack Sparrow.)

• After Frank narrowly escapes the two thugs.

Policeman: You wish to report a murder.
Frank: Attempted murder.
Policeman: That's not so serious.
Frank: Not when you downgrade it from murder. But when you upgrade it from room service, it's quite serious.

• Right after Shaw strangles an incompetent minion with a measuring tape.

Shaw: (checking new suit in mirror) Does it look all right?
Bodyguard: (nervous) Yes. Like always.
Shaw: What's always?
Bodyguard: Very good.
Shaw: Yes, I think it looks all right.

• Shaw referring to Alexander's stealing millions of dollars from him.

You know, Alexander was like a son to me. I loved him. That brilliant, playful, disrespectful young bastard. I even thought that he and I were two of a kind. Oh, I took great pleasure in never knowing what this man would do next. Until one day what he did next didn't give me any pleasure at all.

• At the end, as the two are escaping on a boat.

Elsie: Twenty million dollars worth of plastic surgery and that's the face you choose?
Frank: You don't like it?
Elsie: (smiles) It will do.